Chapter Thirty – 'A few for the road'

"I'm glad you could join me for this exquisite breakfast buffet." Comic Book Guy mentioned as he piled his plate high with breakfast burritos. "I'm going to eat all of these. My next meal may not be at the next property." He sat down at the same table from last night with Rainier.

"Did you save any for the other guests?" Rainier asked as he picked up his fork to start eating. "So why just the breakfast burritos? We have other foods like bacon, eggs, and chocolate pancakes. All of which are good for you. Helps you build big muscles." Rainier tried to flex at the table, but realized his napkin was tucked in too tight.

Comic Book Guy looked at his muscles and decided not to have a competition. "The breakfast burritos are just as tasty as this place I know that has a sale on tacos. One hundred tacos for one hundred dollars."

"How can you eat that many tacos?" Rainier paused to think what would happen if he tried that feat. "One hundred... wouldn't they go stale before you ate most of them. This isn't meant to be a competitive eating contest."

"I can eat some when I first buy them, put some in the fridge, and the rest in the freezer. They defrost well enough a few days later." Comic Book Guy explained to Rainier's disgusted look.

"Think of the calories and the cholesterol." Rainier suggested as he ate a spoonful of eggs. "And think of your manners. It's not polite to have your square flashlight on the table." The MyPad lit up and Comic Book Guy pressed the roll icon with the end of the burrito in his hand.

Loud booms shook the room and rattled all the serving trays. The MyPad displayed a four and Comic Book Guy instantly frowned. "Four? Almost the worst roll ever." He picked up the MyPad and shook it. The display was locked on four. "Nine plus four equals thirteen. At this rate, it will be forever before I see Brandine again."

"You are counting the spaces?" Rainier was intrigued. "Just wait until something special happens and you lose track of where you are."

"Let's hope that doesn't happen. What kind of board game is nonstrategic as that? Board games demand order." Comic Book Guy hastily snatched the MyPad from the table. "I know how to win games. I wouldn't be a giant nerd if I didn't."

He stood up from the table and Rainier joined him. "There are too many breakfast burritos remaining. Would you like to take a few with you on your journey." Comic Book Guy nodded. "Bring me a bag with fifteen breakfast burritos in it. That should last you a while... I hope."

"I'm not going to eat them all at once." Comic Book Guy rolled his eyes, that were not as big as his stomach. "I have a game to play, but I also require sustenance."

They left the Planet Hype and started to approach the light blue anchor. Comic Book Guy slowed as he glanced towards the broken statue inside the store. A waiter chased them carrying a plastic shopping bag. "Sir, I have twenty breakfast burritos individually wrapped for your trip." He turned toward Rainier. "The repairman for the statue should be here later today. He did mention about repairing it on site, but he may have to remove it for more extensive repairs."

"Fine. How about he removes it anyways. There is a working statue inside Planet Hype. I don't need two." Rainier sent the waiter away. "I don't trust these statues as far as I can throw them, and I have big muscles to throw things pretty far."

"Here is my ride. My trusty wheelbarrow." Comic Book Guy jumped inside and got as comfortable as he could. "This may be a long ride, but I can enjoy my individually wrapped burritos and the wind in my hair."

The wheelbarrow started moving as he propped his feet over the edge and unwrapped the first burrito. He casually tossed the paper to his left and it bounced on the dock before landing in the water. He watched it sink and fade in to the depths of the river.

"This is how I pictured the game. Riding around in a magical wheelbarrow, eating burritos, and meeting holograms created from statues. Best science fiction idea ever." He cheered to himself as the wheelbarrow rode along the riverbank. "There is still the possibility I find the houseboat Brandine was telling me..."

Before he could finish his thought, the wheelbarrow took a sharp left turn into the woods and left the river far behind. "So much for that. One day I will find the houseboat. I promise you that Brandine." He sighed and unwrapped another burrito and tossed its paper over his shoulder.

The wheelbarrow abruptly stopped as a blue holographic Burns appeared in the path. "You are being informed of a rule violation... and of maintaining common courtesy."

"Common courtesy?" Comic Book Guy snapped back. "I'm just eating burritos riding alone in a wheelbarrow."

"Rule 41b states: No leaving clues or information for other players, including littering. Plus, this isn't your house, so please clean up after yourself." The blue hologram meant business. "In fact, I'm not moving and neither are you until you pick up that wrapper."

"You have to be kidding me." He hesitantly exited his ride. "Being lectured by a hologram. Worst science fiction idea ever." The blue hologram disappeared when he picked up the paper and tossed it into the wheelbarrow. He climbed back in and as promised, the wheelbarrow started moving again. "How did it know I threw something out?"

He was perplexed but shrugged it off as nothing. The trip continued through the woods and took a few turns when the path divided and dodged large trees. He unwrapped another breakfast burrito and threw the wrapper into the wheelbarrow to avoid another hologram.

"Let's see you discipline me this time." Nervously he peaked behind him and saw only trees. "I win this time."

The time remaining in the woods lasted as long as the third burrito. It was perfect timing on the last bite, Comic Book Guy emerged onto a paved street complete with a median and trees.

"This is what an avenue should be. Knowing my luck it won't be called an avenue." Even a simple thing such as property names bothered him because he thought it was wrong. "Hey Burns." He yelled toward the sky. "This is what an avenue is supposed to look like. Look! Trees and sidewalks."

His excitement was short-lived as the wheelbarrow slammed to a halt. No holographic statue appeared, instead a marching band was coming directly at him. "Formation! Halt!" The band leader guided his troops. "You are currently in the way of the Main Street Marching Band. So if you will be so kind to move your silver vehicle from our path."

"I can not control where my silver chariot takes me, so you have to clear a path for me." Comic Book Guy greeted them. "So if you will excuse me, I'll be on my way."

"Formation! Split!" The band leader called and the troops turned and marched to the edge of the street. The wheelbarrow resumed its travels and took a scenic route through the main street.

Buildings lined both sidewalks as far as he could see. "There is no way I can find a statue in one of these buildings." He studied each building as it passed. The wheelbarrow stopped in front of a short strip of oddly specific shops.

"You have arrived at States Avenue." The MyPad announced and showed him the four spaces he had traveled.

"It is actually called an avenue, unlike the last..." His thoughts were interrupted by the approaching marching band. "Don't you have anything better to do. I'm trying to play a game here." His bitterness was directed at the band leader.

"Well, we need to practice and this is the only way I know how." The band leader responded. "Besides if you are playing a game, you should find Mayor Jer. He knows all about your game. If you will excuse me, I have a marching band to conduct."

The band leader turned his troops around and marched down the street and around a brick building. "Time to look for... I forgot the name already."

The choices were pretty limited. This part of the street only had three shops to choose from. The first one was a run down bar with dirty stained-glass windows. Comic Book Guy tried the door, but it was locked.

"I'm here to play a game of Monopoly, not Let's Make A Deal." He scoffed at the locked door. "Behind door number one is nothing. Makes my odds better for finding something behind door number two.

The second shop looked more accessible because there was a light purple, playful puppy running laps in the window. "This has to be open or I'm throwing a rock through the window." Above the window was a generic sign that read: Pet Store - For Sale. No proper name, but it exactly described its function. "I wonder how much is that doggie in the window."

He entered and was immediately greeted by four cats, three barking dogs in cages, and a large fish tank with a four-eyed fish. He unwrapped another breakfast burrito and divided it among the cats. Each took a piece and waited for more. He threw the wrapper at the fish tank to see if the fish was real or part of his imagination.

"I knew that power plant was a bad idea. First, it spawned a three-eyed fish. The four-eyed fish was a rumor." He tapped the tank to take a closer look. All four eyes blinked in sequential order, almost like it waved to him. Comic Book Guy waved back as the cats surrounded him and the fish.

The shop door opened and the cats scattered to the four corners of the room. "I thought I heard someone in here, because the dogs don't normally bark at the cats. You seem like a cat person. Quiet, introverted, and lonely."

"I would have said smart, sophisticated, and charming." Comic Book Guy countered. "Anyways, are these all of your cats, and dogs, and where did you get...?"

He was interrupted before finishing, but the man knew exactly what he was about to ask. "It was a gift a long time ago."

"Is it for sale? How much do you want for it?" Comic Book Guy asked and pointed to the sign. "It says for sale."

"The store is for sale, but not to anyone." He thought for a second. "The only people that come here are the members of the marching band, and everyone of them already owns a cat. So unless you have a good reason for me to be here. I'm going next door to continue tending to the music store."

The man left and the cats returned to Comic Book Guy's feet. One pawed his ankle like it was expecting another breakfast burrito. He unwrapped another one and feed it to the cats, then threw the wrapper at the fish tank again. The four-eyed blinked as if it was pointing to next door.

"I guess I should go next door." He left the store and continued towards door number three. "King Toots Music Store." He read above the door. "Seems appropriate since this avenue has an active marching band." One member left the store and held the door open with his trombone. "Thank you. I hope you sound better than the guy playing now."

A wave of notes hit him, and almost forced him to retreat. He fought through the sound and entered the music store.

"More band nerds inside this store." They all turned to face him with disgusted looks on their faces.

"If you are just here to waste my time, I suggest you leave." The same man from the pet store said to him.

"I'm here to play a game. If one of you could point me towards Mayor Jer or a stone statue capable of producing holograms, I will gladly be on my way. At the very least, your marching band can walk in circles without me or my silver wheelbarrow being in the way."

Once Comic Book Guy was done with his speech. Mayor Jer stood up and introduced himself. "I'm Mayor Jer. Why didn't you say anything next door?"

The conversation changed from hostile to agreeable. "I wanted to, however we got off on the wrong foot. My name is Jeff Albertson and on my way here, I ran into a random Burns hologram in the woods for littering a burrito wrapper." He admitted.

"Those statues and holograms can be very mean, especially the blue holograms. It doesn't like indecision, loud french horns, or small cuddly cats." Jer named off everything he could remember.

"I think since we have named everything on my dating profile, we should discuss where your Burns statue is, so I can try to get back to Brandine and continue this game." He had a new goal in mind and wouldn't let anyone or anything stand in his way.

Jer motioned to follow him back to the Pet Store. "Let the other band members and the band leader know I'll be unavailable for a few minutes."

The cats were eagerly waiting for their return, or probably for more breakfast burritos. Upon opening the door, the choir of cats were louder than the marching band outside. "This is why I'm not a cat person." Comic Book Guy unwrapped four burritos and handed one to each cat. "That should keep them busy while I conduct business."

"The statue is in the back. The dogs alert me when someone enters the store." He led Comic Book Guy into the back storeroom where bags of cat and dog food were stacked with little regard for safety.

Comic Book Guy placed the MyPad into the hands of the waiting statue and a green hologram appeared. "Greetings. Welcome to States Avenue..."

"Finally, the first property correctly identified as an avenue." He interrupted the hologram.

"Be quiet and listen." The hologram gave him an attitude back. "I didn't name these properties. That was up to the creator. Anyways, let's continue. This property can be..." One of the cats found them in the back room. "This property can be... Stop bothering me."

The hologram got frustrated and tried to move the cat away with its foot. "That proves you aren't real, and just a colorful hologram. Your foot just passed through the cat." Comic Book Guy teased to further frustrate the hologram.

"I'll show you who is real." The hologram bared it teeth and pulled its leg back in attempt to make a long distance field goal. The kick was a complete swing and a miss. The cat stuck its tongue out at the hologram, turned, and fluffed it tail high in the air as a sign of victory.

"That went exactly as you planned." Comic Book Guy also laughed at the hologram.

"Keep it up and I won't let you buy this property. Remember we run this game. You are just a pawn in our grand plan." The words echoed as the statue had all the attention in the room. "This property can be purchased for one hundred twenty dollars. The price of adopting one of these fur coats you call a cat is ten dollars."

Comic Book Guy thought for a second. "I'm not a cat person either, so if I buy this property I won't have to adopt any cats if I ever come back here."

"Please make your decision before that breathing ball of fur finds us again." The hologram showed its impatience. Comic Book Guy reached up and pressed the Buy button and the hologram smirked before it disappeared.

He retrieved the MyPad from the hand of the statues and the three pieces of paper that printed below. The first read: Title-deed for States Avenue. The second showed the one hundred twenty dollar purchase, leaving him with twelve hundred dollars.

His face turned grim as he opened the third piece of paper. 'Be nice to us or you will never see Brandine again. Signed: XO Your secret blue admirer.'

"That's just creepy." He said as he balled up the paper and threw it at the statue. It hit with such force it echoed through the shop and outside. "I didn't throw it that hard." He laughed to himself.

"All done?" Jer asked. "I stepped out for your transaction and you didn't notice. Did I miss anything?"

"Not a thing." Except I don't trust these holograms anymore. Something seems... different." He answered.

Jer thought about it. "You seem bothered by something."

"The hologram threatened that I may never see Brandine again. I must continue on and find her. I just hope she is waiting for me."

"Want to talk about it. I do help everyone that comes through here. I guessed your dating profile. Let's see how I can help you." Jer offered as four cats waited for more burritos in the main area of the pet store.

Comic Book Guy unwrapped four burritos, one for each cat as they lined up to receive them. "I have all the time to talk I need, as it is no longer my turn." The last cat cuddled next to his foot, ate the burrito, then fell asleep.