Chapter Thirty-eight – 'The devil and the fool'
"So why would Burns want Smithers to play? Seven is such an odd number." Lisa asked Frink as they circled the central fountain.
"It was a misinterpretation of Burns' drawings." Frink answered. "The original concept regarding the game design was to have five randomly selected people plus Smithers. So I built six teleporter pods, reprogrammed six MyPads, and created six automated tokens." Frink paused for a moment to remember exactly how the conversation went. "The drawing showed six of everything..."
"Burns thought..." Lisa tried to help but didn't know how to word her answer.
"Six plus one." Frink answered. "When I showed Burns the completed build of a Monopoly game for six, he was outraged. 'This isn't going to work. Too many things can go wrong if players team up together. How could you forget Smithers?' These were some things he yelled while reminding me of the upcoming deadline for the start of the game."
Lisa felt bad for Frink. "You didn't deserve that. No one does." Words could not express her distaste for Burns. "So... then what happened."
"I hurriedly built a seventh copy of everything. The MyPad reprogramming was easy, the teleporter construction took some time, but the selection of the seventh token took the longest time. Not because of building an automated token, I was scraping the bottom of the box to pick which one to use."
This seemed trivial to Lisa as she chimed in. "I mean... it shouldn't be... why was that difficult?" She tripped over her words not realizing the attention to detail of such a large game.
"The other choices were the cannon, the boot, and the horse. None of which anyone wants, so I picked the thimble." Memories of the game design came rushing back to Frink. "I remember one conversation with Burns in which he wanted all ten tokens to be used by ten players, but I cautioned him against that as it would take forever to finish a game that long. Eventually, and begrudgingly, seven participants would play. I had ideas for using one or two random dice rolls to give players an advantage or disadvantage, but Burns overruled me."
"That seem to be the general idea of the story." Lisa concluded. "Burns gets what he wants and the rest of us get..."
"Glavined." Frink ended. "That's exactly what he did to me. I'm still not sure how he did it."
They sat down on the edge of the fountain and watched a school of fish swim by them. It seemed like a relaxing break in the game to tell Lisa any information he had in hopes of her using his knowledge against Burns.
"Can you tell me how you ended up here?" Lisa finally asked the question.
Frink looked toward the sky for answers before starting his story. "It all started inside Burns mansion...
"That took longer than expected to finish building the seventh set of everything." Burns hastily said as he entered the teleporter pod. "Shall we play a quick game to test out the equipment?"
"Let's go." Frink excitedly grabbed the seventh MyPad he just reprogrammed and stepped toward the pod."
"Before you get in, can you hand me my special MyPad for testing." Burns ordered. "I placed it under the table in the silver suitcase." Frink complied and both were teleported to a serene and blank landscape.
"At least we know the teleporting into the game works." Burns heart skipped a few beats as he was worried Frink's invention would send them into the vastness of space. It seemed odd to be in a space stretching infinitely in any direction without any color. "I guess I have to start the game." Burns pressed the white start button which appeared on his MyPad and colors soaked the landscape in every direction. Two tokens drove from the horizon to meet them, a cannon and a boot.
Nothing seemed right about this to Frink. "I don't remember designing anything with the cannon or the boot." He muttered to himself. "And how did Burns start the game from inside the game?" None of this was right at all. "I have a really terrible feeling about this."
"To show I'm such a good chap, guests before hosts." Burns chuckled as he pressed the MyPad again and set it down on the cannon. "Be my guest..."
Frink's MyPad lit up, and he pressed the roll icon. Loud booms echoed across the sky as a six illuminated the screen. "Dice rolling test completed satisfactorily." Frink winked at Burns. "I forgot my checklist on what I wanted to test. Good thing I remember most of it."
"Check as much as you remember. I don't want the big game to be filled with bugs." Burns watched as Frink jumped inside the boot and it accelerated past him. "I'm still amazed the tokens move on their own." Burns yelled as Frink opened the distance between them. "Let the games begin..." The last words Frink could hear from Burns as the token made a sharp left and found a narrow street completed with sidewalks and short shrubs.
"My design is working so far. Rolling virtual dice, automated tokens, and random scenery while waiting for the upcoming property to load." Frink's brain recalled all the time-wasting scenery he installed into the game. "Streets, forests, highways... what else was there. No time for that now, I'm arriving." The shrubs were replaced by short buildings and perfectly spaced alleys every fourth building.
The boot coasted to a stop in front of a giant arch covering the entrance to an alleyway. "You have arrived at Oriental Avenue." The MyPad announced and showed the six spaces he seemed to move. Frink jumped out and stared down the alley at all the details.
"Months of time-consuming research and painstaking modeling have led to this. My life's greatest invention!" The professor cheered as the patrons of the alley continued with their daily lives.
It seemed like a normal neighborhood with fruit vendors and children playing in the alley, except for the light blue hue which covered certain objects.
"It subtly marks the property in case the audio circuits of the MyPad fail." He walked under the great arch and stopped at the first vendor he found, a flower vendor. "Hello. I was wondering if..." He paused as the flower vendor was standing directly beside his goal, the stone statue. "Do you mind if I use that statue?"
"I don't know what you can use it for. A delivery truck just dropped it here while I was picking more flowers for my basket." The vendor politely gestured.
"I think I know what to do." Frink stepped behind her table and placed the MyPad into the hands of the statue and waited.
Nothing happened. He adjusted the MyPad by rocking it and again nothing happened. He removed the MyPad and reseated it into its cradle, but still nothing happened.
"Well that's a problem." He scratched his head. "Of all the problems to have during the first turn of our test game." Without the statue properly functioning, the game could not continue.
"Something wrong?" The flower vendor asked the frustrated professor. "Anything I can help with?" She saw Frink's frustration but didn't know how to help.
Frink tried one last mechanical adjustment by smacking the statue in head with no result. He set the MyPad next to a light bowl succulent bowl and sighed. "This game was the capstone of my inventing career and now it's..." The MyPad screen lit up with another roll icon. The flower vendor's eyes were drawn to the screen as Frink continued his rant. "I spent hours a day and months of my life creating this game down to the minute details."
The MyPad's screen started to flash and pulse at different intervals along with a low hum from vibration but Frink ignored it to continue his disdain at the situation.
"...And then Burns tells me to build a seventh copy of everything for his assistant to play..." He stopped when the flower vendor picked up the MyPad and handed it back to them amid its buzzing, flashing, vibrating.
"You might want to tend to your annoying book." She was irritated by the distraction of the MyPad. "So... anything I can help you with? Want to buy any flowers for your journey?"
Frink politely declined as he made an offer. "Can you let the Mayor know the statue on this property is malfunctioning. I'd glavin appreciate it."
The flower vendor rolled her eyes as she answered. "Sure... I can do that... have a nice day." She walked inside the shop behind her as loud booms echoed across the sky again from Frink hitting the roll icon which appeared again on the MyPad.
"I'm not sure this game is ready to play yet if the first statue is malfunctioning and I'm given another roll. This makes no glavin sense." He concluded as he backtracked to his boot and hopped in. "Eleven. It may be time for a quick nap."
It started its trek away from the alleyway guarded by the giant arch and found a highway connector to get to its destination faster. The boot merged into traffic and changed lanes as far left as the road allowed until it merged into the High Occupancy Vehicle lane.
"Do the rules of the road not apply in this game. I don't remember programming any dishonest game play." Frink thought out loud as the boot accelerated to a high rate of speed. "Speeding now too. When we're done, I'm disassembling this game down to lines of code to see what in glavin is happening."
It was a gentle ride with no other traffic in the lane until it was time to merge right again and exit the highway into a populated downtown area with a plethora of small buildings. The boot made left and right turns until it stopped in front of a gold building labeled: Second Bank of Springfield. "You have arrived at a Special Space." The MyPad announced as Frink noticed the stone statue standing beside an ATM outside the entrance.
"This isn't as exciting as I thought it would be. I need to hide these statues a bit more." He jumped out of his boot and approached the statue. He knew to place the MyPad into its hands and waited for something to happen. No hologram appeared but a spark ignited a small firecracker explosion. "I must have overloaded the circuitry of the statue." He went to grab the MyPad and a message appeared on the screen: 'Please see the Bank Teller'.
Nothing was proceeding according to plan or design, so Frink entered the bank to find out any information he could. The inside of the bank was as expected. A big vault enclosed with a locked door, several smaller offices, and a lonely bank teller behind a counter. "I can take the next customer over here." She stood up and waved at Frink who ventured up to her counter. "Depositing or withdrawing?"
"Neither. I tried to conduct my business outside and received a message to come inside. I am now inside and still need to conduct my business." Frink confusingly explained.
"The ATM isn't working?" The teller asked.
"Actually, it's the statue." He replied.
"Oh... Well... shoot... the mayor of our banking system is at a secret meeting and it won't be fixed until he gets back..." She stalled while remembering what she was told. "He said if anyone comes while he is gone, the vault isn't ready for a random drawing yet and to use this deck of cards instead." She reached under the counter and set a tall stack of cards upon the counter. "I've always thought these cards contained magic."
"So I just pick a card and then what?" He didn't like the progress of the game as it was supposed to be fully automated with everything electronically networked. But here was a stack of seventy-eight paper cards.
"This deck represents the Major and Minor Arcana, and we can use it as an IOU for when the statue outside is fixed." She fanned out the cards and told him to pick one. "Afterward, I can tell your fortune if you are interested."
She winked as he placed his hand above the cards as an odd feeling took over. A bead of sweat raced down his forehead as he flipped over a card.
The card depicted a horse ridden by a skeleton wearing suit of armor and carrying a black flag with a white flower on it. In the corner of the card was labeled: Death XIII.
"That's probably not good." Frink admitted.
"...I can still read your fortune. Now the worst card of the deck is removed, it can only get better from here..." She slid his MyPad to the side and placed the Death card on top of it to make room for his fortune telling. A purple and black smoke emanated from the card as the room began to darken. A vision of the Grim Reaper came to life and greeted them.
"Greetings. Let me introduce myself. My name is Death. I'm happy to announce your game is over." The apparition smiled. "The punishment for losing this game is eternal imprisonment inside this game." Death raised its scythe above its head took one mighty swing at the MyPad smashing it into two pieces. "Now choose your fate."
Death laughed as each broken piece of the MyPad display a separate blue dice with the number twenty showing. "I thought this game was played with six-sided dice..."
"Mortal fool. This is not your game. This is Burns' game played by his rules. Now roll!" Death demanded. Frink hesitantly pressed the dice icon on each MyPad as random numbers between one and twenty spun like a slot machine. "There are forty spaces in this world and these dice will determine where you spend the rest of your life."
"I knew there was magic in that deck of cards." The bank teller quietly added. "Sorry for your misfortune." It seemed sincere but these events were unstoppable.
"Twelve!" Death exclaimed. "Seventeen!" It added. "An excellent choice." Death raised its scythe above its head again and took two swings erasing each MyPad from existence. The room began to lighten from the ambient sun reflecting on its gold features. "When you exit this building, get into your boot and you will be transported to the twenty-ninth space of the game: Marvin Gardens where you will spend eternity. But there is a silver lining to your story. You will be the default mayor for that property for the real game being played. Now begone!" Death shouted disappearing before their eyes.
They were shocked at the display they had witnessed. "I'm going to put these away." The teller collected the cards and threw them under the counter. "So... depositing or withdrawing any money today?"
Frink turned and left the bank speechless. Was his game already over and how did Burns pull this off? He sadly jumped into the boot as it took a lonely dirt road through a vast desert. Short trees slowly grew on the sides of the road as the dirt road turned into a grassy path and day slowly turned into night. Trees turned into a row of shrubs and the grass path turned thicker. When the boot reached an iron gate, he knew this was it.
"My fate is sealed." He exited the boot as the iron gate opened. Three steps into the property he heard the gate slam with a mechanical click and watched as his boot melted into a puddle of silver goo vanishing into the ground. "I designed this game, I can find a way out..."
"And that's how I ended up here." Frink finished.
Lisa wiped away a tear in her eye. "Such a sad story." She comforted him as they stood up from the fountain. "There has to be a way out of here. You designed this. What back doors or hidden secrets did you program."
"None... I didn't think Burns would trap me in here." Frink confessed. "The only way I know of is to win the game."
"What happens to the six people who don't win..." Lisa asked knowing the answer.
"There is one winner who inherits the power plant while the six losers are trapped in here forever." Frink explained. "This game was designed to be crooked from the start."
"Then we must keep playing." Lisa triumphantly stated. "On my way here, I was confronted by all the holograms of the rainbow explaining what each color does. There was red and yellow and gold and white." She named them all as fast as she could remember. "Can you tell me more about the holograms?"
"They work for me, and not you." A voice louder than Frink answered her. "If you have a question about the game, you ask me because this is my game. I will answer your questions. Now if you wait a few minutes, I will help you in some way."
"That answers my questions." Lisa said as she waited for Frink to respond. "Professor Frink?" She asked again, but he continued sitting on the fountain as still as a statue. "Frink?" She whispered as a tear rolled down her face.
"Where did you send them?" A female voice came out the loudspeaker.
"Mom?" Lisa recognized her voice. "Is that really you?" She waited for an answer as silence filled the air. "What's going on outside this game?" She wondered as the fountain water was suspended in the air. "What happens if the game is never unfrozen?" She touched the water drops with an outstretched finger. It was still wet like water but frozen like ice. "What happens if I never escape from this game...?"
