Chapter Thirty-nine – 'Lights, camera, action'
"Can you not lean on the loudspeaker button. I don't need the entire game world hearing our interview and conversations. It will ruin my surprises." Burns snarled at Marge as she moved her elbow off the sensitive button. "Now Kent, where were we?"
"I don't think we were anywhere. I was waiting for you to make your announcement for the players of the game." Kent answered. "Is this a good time for another interview? Are we at a break in game play to discuss what has happened today? I have so many questions for you and I..."
"Slow down for a few seconds." Burns nagged. "I'm over a hundred years old and my brain doesn't fire as quick as it did fifty years ago. Let me do my mental check to ensure I'm ready."
Burns looked around his executive office and stared at the ceiling. No one was sure what was going through his head as silence filled the room waiting for Burns to resume the conversation. Kent wanted to step in and ask any question but Burns waved him off. Even Homer had questions but couldn't find the words to ask.
He returned to his seat and began. "The game..." But Kent cut him off with his excitement.
"This would be a perfect time for an update. Are we ready to go live?" Kent pressed the earpiece closer to hear the answer from the segment producer. "Two minutes? Are we breaking into primetime programming?" He listened for his answer. "Perfect. Standing by."
"This seems like a game to you Kent." Burns said to the news reporter. Seconds ticked by before Burns compared himself to Kent. "Do you know the difference between me and you?"
"I'm charming, energetic, a real people person, and a devoted journalist to this great city." Kent rambled on hoping to hit the reason Burns wanted.
"I was thinking more along the lines of I'm a successful billionaire businessman who can change the course of history in this city as I have before while you simply tell the stories of the great elder statesmen." Burns explained to everyone. "Is it time for your fifteen minutes of fame tonight?"
"Ten seconds..." Kent replied. "I get my fifteen minutes of fame every night..." He turned toward the camera and began his monologue. "...and tonight is no exception as I'm reporting live from Burns Manor for your daily update of the game which is gripping the hearts and minds of Springfield. Find out the progress of your favorites right after this commercial."
He paused and took a sip from his coffee while Burns shook his head. "A teaser?" Burns shivered in his chair. "At this rate we will never get through this interview. Let me ask you this..." The words slowly formed in his head. "Are we having an interview and game update after every... single... turn...?"
"It's good for the ratings. Statistically, the interest in something like this fades after four days. The diehard fans will watch to the bitter end, but our average demographic between the ages eighteen and forty-nine will decline by half every seven days." Kent explained how the viewing habits of the average Springfield resident.
"So my game has a half-life of seven days. We better get a move on so our viewers don't get bored." He needed to take some type of action to keep everyone involved. "I guess I need to reward our players to prove I'm not so bad after all."
"That will be the day." Kent said under his breath before going live. "The sun is setting on day two of Burns' game and I'm here with the man himself to find out what has changed in the last twelve hours." His eyes scanned the wall of security cameras to anticipate how Burns would answer. "The most important question of the evening is: who is winning?"
"That's not important at all..." Marge stood up and yelled at Kent. He motioned for her to retake her seat.
"You know Kent, it's hard to tell who is winning while sitting here in my office." A wave of concern hit Burns regarding his actions. "Let me grab two things, and we can discuss how the game is going." Burns stood up and hobbled to his desk. He reached under and grabbed his special testing MyPad and powered it on. "We shall give this a second to boot and I can log into the game."
"We are preempting the season finale of The Masked Singer on Fox, so take your time, which our viewers can watch in its entirety after this game update. Who will be crowned the champion: the bee, the peacock, or the monster? Find out shortly." Kent Brockman fulfilled his advertising duty of a nationally televised network show.
"Can we get back to the task at hand?" Burns annoyingly asked. "Anyways, I'm ready to display the current results." He scanned the list displayed on the MyPad and made his conclusion. "At least six of the seven players have managed to stay out of trouble." He pointed at different sections of the screen before continuing. "It appears our leader at the moment is..."
"Is it Lisa?" Marge leapt from her seat. "Please tell me my little girl is winning."
"Is it Smithers?" Brockman asked.
"Is it Moe?" Homer added to Marge's chagrin.
"Anyone else have a guess before I reveal the answer." Burns said rhetorically.
Kent listened to the voice in his ear. "According to our live viewer poll, thirty-nine percent say Luann is in the lead followed by twenty-four percent for Jasper."
"At least it's not Flanders." Homer interjected.
"Homer!" Marge rolled her eyes.
The focus shifted back to Burns as he overexplained his reasoning. "How do you truly determine who is winning this game? This is a game which measures net wealth consisting of property values, constructed buildings, shares of common stock, and the most important liquid asset: cash. Adding everything together I listed for each player..." He calculated the results in his head. "According to this method..."
"Who has been the luckiest participant so far, find out in ninety seconds." Kent interrupted Burns big reveal.
He shook his head disapprovingly. "This is my show Kent and I'm continuing rather you are ready or not. At this point after three turns, there is not a definitive leader, but one player has a few more dollars than the others, while one player has claimed last place." He double-checked his list to confirm. "Currently leading by... a grand total of eighty dollars is..."
"And we're back just as Burns is about to announce who is winning his game after the first three turns." Kent narrated again.
"That's getting tiring. Let's move on already." Burns had had enough. "In the lead with fifteen hundred eighty dollars is Luann van Houten and in last place with twelve hundred seventy dollars, a decrease of fifteen percent, is Moe Szyslak. Everyone else in the game has a net worth of fifteen hundred dollars, exactly where they started..."
The room went silent at the prospect of the game being slightly... boring. Marge coughed and Homer scratched his head.
"So we are essentially where we started and it's been a day and a half..." Kent's interest waned in conducting the interview.
"Wait!" Burns jumped out of his seat. "I know this game can be slow and net worths don't drastically change overnight. But if you gain a few percent per day, one could multiple their money in no time." Burns removed a small notebook from his jacket pocket. "I don't want my game just about trading money between players. At that point, I could randomly choose a winner. I want the player with the largest net worth to take over my nuclear power plant. With this code..." He pressed the screen of his MyPad a few times while reading the keys. "T... x... 0... 3..."
"Homer." Kent's attention turned to Homer while Burns finished his task. "You mentioned you wanted Moe to be in the lead, however, he is currently in last place. Do you think he can recover and win the game?"
Homer shrugged his shoulders without an answer. "He was actually my second choice since Marge had guessed Lisa." He gained a smile from Marge in his real answer. "I'm cheering for Lisa first, Moe second, Flanders last, and everyone else in between."
"Back to me, Kent." Burns gained the spotlight while the camera turning toward him. "The code I entered will allow the players for this turn only to purchase properties at a ten percent discount. It doesn't seem like much, but we can build upon this later."
Again, the room went silent as Marge, Homer, Kent, and even the camera thought this wasn't enough.
"It took me ten years to get a total of ten percent in raises at the nuclear plant." Homer admitted.
"Is that standard?" Kent asked. "Stay tuned as we investigate wages versus hours at the Springfield Power Plant."
"This isn't about hourly wages!" Marge stood up and put her face in front of the camera. "Something must be done!" She gripped the camera to follow her movements. "Not only is my smart and sweet daughter trapped inside this game, but many other citizens of Springfield are. There isn't a guarantee any of them escape safely from this game."
"It's just a game..." Burns nonchalantly said. "Everyone will be fine."
"I don't believe that for a second. Not only are the seven players who initially started this game inside..." She caught her breath for a moment. "Seven others went in to find them, making it a total of fourteen people Burns has sent inside his game world."
"Fifteen actually." Burns countered. "You forgot one."
"Lisa, Moe, Luann..." Marge started.
"Flanders, Smithers, and that comic book guy..." Homer stumbled.
Kent took out a notebook and a pen. "We should make a list of people we are looking for. Can you repeat those names?" Marge was slightly annoyed but obliged his request.
"Lisa Simpson, Moe Szyslak, Luann van Houten, Ned Flanders, and Waylon Smithers." She counted on her fingers extending another for each subsequent person. "Comic Book Guy is Jeff Albertson." The gears were turning in her head. "That's six... who is the seventh?"
"The older guy with the beard..." The cameraman suggested.
"Oh, that's right. Jasper Beardly." Marge remembered. "Why do we seem to forget him every time we talk."
Kent shrugged his shoulders knowing he should be the smartest one in the room when it came to information. "After the last interview, seven more residents were sent into the game to find the original players. Who were they?" Kent asked Marge.
"Bart and his friends." She solemnly answered. "Bart, Milhouse, Sheri, Teri, Nelson..."
"My friends went too." Homer corrected her. "They may be my bar buddies and coworkers, but they volunteered to help."
Marge knew he was right whether or not she liked his friends. Homer's time at the bar was not her idea of a good time, but when times got tough, they stepped up. "If that's fourteen... who'd we miss?"
"If you need another name for your list, I can provide it." Burns flipped to the back of his notebook. "Will the name Brandine Del Roy, Gil Gunderson, or Barry Duffman suffice?"
Homer counted the last three names on his fingers to come up with a new total. "Seventeen?"
"Well then. It would appear there are more people in the game than you know." Burns laughed maniacally as he read more names off his list. "Rainier Wolfcastle, Artie Ziff, Gary Chalmers, Cecil Terwilliger, and the reincarnation of Jedebiah Springfield. Just to name a few."
The look of shock on Marge's face could not be accurately described. "Oh my..." The numbers made sense for the wrong reason, but now it was hard to say how many people were in the game. "Twenty, more than twenty? Or is it thirty or forty."
"Let's go with... I lost count after forty for each of the mayors I hand-picked and personally interviewed. The players entering were planned, but your friends entering was an added bonus." Burns smiled his plan had worked better than anticipated.
"Enough is enough!" Marge screamed. The cameraman flung the camera towards her. "We need to act... now! Someone needs to take control of this situation which Burns has trapped fifty... sixty... who knows how many residents inside his twisted game. Mayor Quimby and Police Chief Wiggum, if you are watching this broadcast, I need you. We need you. The town needs you."
Homer comforted Marge as she broke down and cried. "Heartfelt words from a concerned citizen. We'll be right back." Kent concluded before sending the program to a commercial break.
"I think we are done here for the night." Burns directed. "If you all will excuse me, I have my evening routine before going to bed. Feel free to stay and watch the monitors for the hundreds of people you believe are trapped inside my Monopoly world." He left the room through the deafening silence.
Minutes passed without a sound as they stared at the monitors for all forty spaces pointing at familiar faces. "I know that guy." He pointed at the screen labeled: Mediterranean Avenue. "It's the Sea Captain guy I see all the time around the marina."
Marge focused on the next set of screens scanning for her discovery. On the Vermont Avenue she spotted the famous green hair. "It's Krusty the Clown." She was now shaking with anger. "How could he do this to the town?" Her question had no answer, but everyone tried to answer.
"How do you think it will end?" Kent solemnly asked the others in the room. "In all my years of broadcasting non-interesting stories, I've waited for a story like this, but never thought it would happen. This is the news story of my career..."
The distant noise of a siren interrupted his thought. They turned their ears to the window where the siren slowly got louder. Flashing lights could be seen as the siren wailed. "Who is that?" Homer wondered.
"We are about to find out." Marge fretted. The siren stopped and the lights continue to cast red and blue on the side of the cooling towers. Mumbled voices were heard entering the first floor followed by quick steps up a stairwell. They waited in anticipation as the steps eventually slowed then came to a halt.
Homer opened the door. "Greetings!" He said to welcome their guests but the hallway was empty. He shut the door and resumed his post staring at the screens. The footsteps started again and approached the door. Homer reopened the door to the sounds of loud breathing coming down the hallway.
Two shadowy figures appeared. "Why... must... Burns... have... his... executive... office... upstairs..." A large, out-of-shape man said between catching his breath.
"This does not get my vote." The other answered.
"You both came!" Marge hugged both guests and invited them into the room. Her wish came true. Mayor Joe Quimby and Police Chief Wiggum were in the room waiting to hear their story.
"So uh, what is the plan?" Quimby asked before Kent started.
"Breaking news at this late hour. Burns has gone to bed, but now I'm joined by our fearless mayor and lovable police chief. Glad you could join us. Have a seat." Kent motioned for them to sit across from him to conduct an interview. "Do you both know what has happened so far?"
"I uh, have not been watching the coverage of the game. I was uh, vacuuming the guest house." Quimby was not the brightest mayor, but he was the elected official of Springfield.
"How about you Chief Wiggum?" Kent turned his attention.
"I haven't paid attention since no laws were broken." The police chief answered. "But I see now Burns has kidnapped a number of people who must be found." His focus was distracted by the monitors. "Is that Luigi Risotto? He owes me a free meal for finding his cat."
"That's exactly my point. We need action!" Marge raised her voice to be heard by the camera. "You two are the most powerful people in Springfield. Make a plan!"
Quimby and Wiggum looked at each other waiting for someone to make the first move. "Our plan is this..." Quimby started.
"We need to rescue everyone we can find." Wiggum obviously added.
"We will have a town hall meeting to discuss rescuing our citizens." Quimby eventually figured out. The cameraman directed the spotlight to the mayor. "Citizens of Springfield, we are facing terrible times and must take action to rescue our residents, who were kidnapped by Burns. I am proposing a town hall meeting to take place at the stroke of midnight to discuss a plan for entering Burns' game and bringing back our people." The words flowed professionally. "The original game was decided by the fate of lottery balls, the rescue will be decided by the bravery of our character. Spread the word and be prepared for battle. Meet me at city hall. Vote Quimby!"
The mayor finished as Kent closed out the newscast. "A dangerous game, a call to action, and a rescue operation. Will it work? Who will be selected? For out at midnight and stayed tuned for our continuing coverage of 'Springfield in Trouble'. This is Kent Brockman signing off."
"And that's a wrap." The cameraman stated but Marge, Homer, Quimby, and Wiggum were already running down the hallway towards city hall.
"Can we take the news chopper? We are in a hurry." Kent asked and listened through the earpiece. "Ten minutes. I'll be waiting."
