Chapter Forty-one – 'Up in smoke'

"This is my last one." Comic Book Guy said to the lonely cat laying at his feet. He broke a burrito in half and set it on the ground. "How many burritos have we eaten? That breakfast buffet was very delicious." He reminisced about his earlier travels.

The cat slowly ate the chicken out of the shell and left the cheese. After a few burritos, anyone or anything could be picky or pleasantly full. Jer picked up the cat and sat on the bench beside Comic Book Guy. "Where are you headed to next?" He asked knowing there was no answer. "Where do you hope to go?"

Comic Book Guy had one thought in mind and it became his goal. "There is one place I'd like to go back to..." It was fresh memory from just a day ago. "My very first turn of the game, I stopped by an old farm with a run-down cabin, tomacco fields, and the sweetest farmgirl I've ever seen. Her name was Brandine..."

Jer quickly assumed his story involved a girl. "That sounds lucky to have found her."

"Very lucky. We found the statue, sat and chatted on the porch of the cabin, then took a long walk down by the river discussing life and happiness." It brought a tear to his eye not knowing how, or if, he would get back to Brandine. "I tried to take her with me on this adventure..." Another tear started to stream. "These holograms wouldn't allow her to leave her property, so I had to say goodbye and continue my journey."

The memories were new and left a hole in his heart he needed to fill. Jer felt for him. "Everyone needs a companion in life." He pet the cat in his lap to the delight of his furry friend. "You can see I have no other person here on Main Street. No advertising partnerships. Nothing. When you find someone you want, make sure you hold onto it." Jer tightened his grip on the cat to prevent it from leaving. After a momentary struggle, the cat relaxed and stretched out.

"When I left Brandine, I ended up at one of those upscale chain restaurants by the dock, and then here on Main Street with you and the cats." Comic Book Guy recalled his journey. He accidentally woke the cat and it jumped out of Jer's lap and sprinted down the street.

Jer noticed his MyPad lit up and ended the conversation. "Time for you to go." He mentioned. "Where did that cat run off to this time?" He turned and stared into the distance.

Comic Book Guy pressed the roll icon on the MyPad and loud echoes boomed across the sky. The remaining cats scattered at the noise.

"Now I have to herd all the cats again. I'll see you later." Jer took half a step and stopped. "Or you probably won't. There are forty properties and your chance of seeing me or Brandine again is actually pretty small. Good luck in your game." He ventured down the street yelling to no effect.

"And today's lucky number is... eight." Comic Book Guy read from the MyPad. "My spidey sense tells me I'm not going to run into Brandine on this turn." The math proved to be right. "Six plus four plus eight does not equal forty." He counted on his fingers. "Let's see where I end up."

He walked toward his wheelbarrow and found a sleeping calico inside. It was curled up and purring softly in its sleep. His first thought was to lift the wheelbarrow and nudge the cat out, but the token has an infinite weight which could not be lifted.

His next thought was to grab the cat and set it down but it woke up and locked eyes with me. "Aww..." Something touched his heart. "I can't let you go." He paused as the cat stretched. "Even better. You would make a great present for Brandine when I find her." The cat was heavier than it appeared and Comic Book Guy picked it up to sit down in the wheelbarrow and rested the cat on his lap.

But the wheelbarrow didn't move.

"Any second now we will start our journey into the wild blue yonder. Just me and you, my new fluffy friend..." His excitement was short-lived as a blue hologram appeared in front of his token. It didn't initially say anything. It just stared. Comic Book Guy glanced over his shoulder to distract the hologram but it continued to stare a hole into his soul.

"Get out!" The blue hologram snarled and waited but Comic Book Guy sat there motionless. "Did you hear me?"

"I did." He answered. "You're in the way of my wheelbarrow, so you move!"

"Rule violation! For the second time, I am warning you. Please let the cat go because you are not allowed to transport people... or animals... across property boundaries." The hologram reminded him.

"Fine!" Comic Book Guy set the calico outside the wheelbarrow and gave it one final petting. "Sorry little guy."

"Meow?" The cat asked and displayed its playful side.

Comic Book Guy felt bad but had to follow the rules. "I'll be back. I promise." Just like he promised Brandine...

The silver wheelbarrow started moving down Main Street and made a turn onto a wide dirt path. The buildings faded into the distance as the path cut through a rolling field. Up and down over hills and through the woods but grandmother's house was not the destination.

He emerged from the woods to find himself outside a run-down building made of steel and glass. Its three floors towered over him as the wheelbarrow pulled up to the front door. "You have arrived at Kentucky Avenue. Enjoy your tour." The MyPad announced as the token stopped abruptly.

"Haven't heard it say that before." Comic Book Guy thought to himself as he jumped out of the wheelbarrow and approached the front door. He took a look around at the property. "No security gate, guardhouse, or even a fence? I'm not sure this place is secure enough for me to buy. First thing I would need to build is a fence around the perimeter. Is there a way to use this thing to make property upgrades?" He shook the MyPad as its screen remained black.

He opened the door to his surprise and saw a fully functioning factory. The building looked dilapidated on the outside, but the inside appeared to be newly renovated. A long conveyor belt stretched around the room transporting boxes from one work crew to another.

Comic Book Guy ran to the closest worker he saw. "Excuse me, sir?" He waved at a new worker trying his best to fold a box.

Every time he got close to finishing the box, it sprang open again. He pounded his fist on top of the box to flatten it against the conveyor which carried it to the next station. "...Dang it!" The box folder's face turned red as a string of curse words paused at the edge of his lips. "Son of a box folder... why the flaps on this box don't fold right is beyond me..." A deep breath calmed him as Comic Book Guy grabbed his attention again.

"I don't mean to interrupt but I had a simple question if you could oblige me." He worded it as the box folder was doing him a favor. "I arrived here on my silver wheelbarrow and I'm looking for a statue resembling an elderly gentleman..."

At this point, the box folder stared blankly into space. "I don't... um... know anything..." He slowly shook his head while comprehending the situation. "I just started... trying to fold these boxes..." He struggled while explaining. "...yesterday. I don't know... anything about a statue. There we go." He patted the completed box to slide it down the conveyor faster.

"Is there someone here who can answer my questions?" Comic Book Guy continued to ask. "It's a stone statue which looks like a hundred-year-old man. It can't be that hard to find."

"I would follow the box and talk to the other workers. I'm new and just want to fold boxes..." His inexperience showed as another box sprang open and Comic Book Guy walked beside it toward the next station.

The next worker in line quickly refolded the box before applying glue to opposite flaps. "Fixed it." He said to himself. "Everyone starts out as a box folder on the first day, then when they master the art of folding they will move up to box gluer then box stacker." The box gluer explained as Comic Book Guy watched. It's a hierarchy. "He may be new, but I've been here for a few days. I'll share a secret with you..."

Comic Book Guy was all ears as the magic word silenced him. "What's the secret? You have to tell me now."

"It's a bad news secret actually. You still want to know?" The box gluer asked.

"Of course. If it's game related, I need to know." Comic Book Guy replied.

"Well here goes..." He gathered his thoughts before delivering the worst news imaginable. "Two days ago, there was this blue-haired woman wearing glasses who stopped by here. She met with The Manager and had a long discussion."

"Son of a box gluer!" Comic Book Guy exclaimed. "I guess I'm too late..." He frowned at his correct prediction. "That was Luann van Houten, and she's the worst." The words pained him to say. "Do you know if she bought this property?"

The box gluer solemnly nodded. "I hear the elevator motor, so I'll make this story quick. The blue-haired woman purchased this property, so The Manager told the night shift to take down the For Sale sign. They sent the most junior guy, a box folder, out to take it down. He gripped the sign and it didn't move. He tried again and a gust of wind following a loud echo knocked over the sign and it fell square on top of him."

Comic Book Guy gasped but was reassured everything was fine. "Was he hurt..."

"He's fine. He is resting at home with a broken arm sipping on margaritas and collecting workman's comp." The box gluer hurriedly finished as the elevator dinged and The Manager stepped out. "Speaking of The Manager..."

"Back to work guys. Every time we have a guest doesn't mean it's time to slack." The Manager scolded his workers. "Anyways, I'm sure you heard our tragic story, but we can restart the countdown." The Manager pointed to a sign on the elevator which read: '2 days since our last injury'.

Comic Book Guy didn't care about the sign. He saw his goal and walked toward it. Inside the elevator was the Burns statue. "That was easy."

"Oh, that..." The Manager noticed. "All you folks are just here for the statue. Be my guest."

Comic Book Guy approached the statue and placed the MyPad into its hands. Two holograms appeared in the cramped elevator. "Who put the statue in here?" The yellow hologram complained.

"A third one of us wouldn't fit in here." The green hologram added before continuing. "Greetings and welcome to Kentucky Avenue. Unfortunately, this property has already been purchased. Better luck next time." It disappeared as quickly as it had appeared.

"That leaves only me." The yellow hologram smiled. "Since you are here, I can offer a guided factory tour led by The Manager for the low cost of eighteen dollars." The Manager nodded at the idea of giving an impromptu tour. "Are you interested?"

"I..." Comic Book Guy started but the yellow hologram cut him off.

"Good. I'll deduct the money from your account and credit Luann with a factory tour." It mimicked simple beeping sounds as if it mattered. "There you go. Enjoy your tour." The hologram faded as two pieces of paper printed below the MyPad. Comic Book Guy disgustedly ripped them from the statue.

The first one showed his previous total of eleven hundred eighty dollars minus the eighteen dollar transaction for a factory tour. "I got to see a box being made for free. Why would I pay eighteen dollars? What else is there?" He glanced at the rest of the paper showing his remaining total of eleven hundred sixty-two dollars.

The other paper almost seemed like a joke to him. It said: 'Admit One – Complete Box Factory Tour'. "I'll take that one." The Manager said as he pulled the paper out of Comic Book Guy's hand. "You ready to learn all about the world of cardboard production."

"Not really..." The tour wasn't a great consolation prize but it was time. "Oh boy... where do we start?"

"I'll show you somewhere Luann didn't see on her tour to purchase the factory." The Manager began his introduction. "This is our main assembly room, which on a good day with mediocre employees, we can make twenty-four hundred boxes per shift." Comic Book Guy did the math in his head to figure out if this was good, great, or just average. "It starts with the box folder folding the boxes, then the box gluer gluing the boxes, then finally the box stacker stacking the boxes."

"You just call them by their job?" Comic Book Guy asked.

The answer wasn't the greatest but the Manager gave it anyways. "I don't actually know their names and I don't learn them since some employees only last a few days." He whispered into Comic Book Guy's ear. "The workers do as they get paid to do, usually without incident..." A sad moment was in the air but The Manager quickly moved on. "They work hard and they play hard. This way."

The Manager gestured at a side entrance which led to a covered pavilion complete with charcoal grill, overhead lights, and picnic tables. "This looks like something I would expect inside a recreation park." Comic Book Guy commented.

"It used to be a designated smoking area until the Great Accident three years ago..." Remorse filled the air as The Manager recalled the incident. "It was a misty day with a rain that just wouldn't go away. The second shift crew was taking a break and decided to cook some hot dogs on the grill." The details grew more difficult further into the story. "I believe it was the box gluer who lit the grill with his cigarette and had excess glue spilled on his jacket and it... it... it ignited like a wildfire. The other men grabbed the fire extinguisher and sprayed him down." The imagery was so real Comic Book Guy could see the man on fire next to the grill. "Rumor has it, his cigarette was still lit, and he enjoyed a hot dog from the grill."

"Quite an impressive story. Was he seriously hurt?" Comic Book Guy inquired.

"Minor burns only. I think he took a week off and received workman's comp as well." The Manager disagreed with the worker receiving anything based on his own stupidity. "After that we decided no more smoking under here. In fact, no one uses the grill either. They just work and go home."

Comic Book Guy felt bad one incident eliminated all the fun of grilling outside during the workday. "This place looks so clean. Does anyone even spend their breaks out here?"

"Now that you mention it, I don't think so." He thought for a second. "We can find out. Next, I'll take you upstairs and show you my office, and we can watch if anyone comes outside for the mid-shift break coming up in..." He checked his watch which was perfectly synced to the time in the factory. "...twenty-seven minutes. This way." He motioned to reenter the same door they came out.

The main room was firing on all cylinders as boxes were flowing along the conveyor. "This may be more than three hundred boxes per hour." Comic Book Guy joked.

"The one-hour record is five hundred forty-two boxes set by the midnight shift last year. It is a record none think is breakable. We shall see." The Manager stood proud of the accomplishment and pressed the up button on the elevator.

The elevator doors hesitantly opened, and they noticed two different things.

"The statue is gone." Comic Book Guy gasped. "How does a stone statue just disappear like that."

"Forget the statue. What are you doing in the elevator?" The Manager went from joyful to upset in no time. "This goes to my office which is off-limits to outside guests without prior approval from me and I didn't authorize this."

"Don't have a cow, man!" A young boy said as he pressed all the internal elevator buttons before stepping out.

The Manager tried to hold the door but it was too late. The elevator motor starting pulling the lift cable to raise the elevator to the office suite level and possibly above that to the roof. "Now we have to wait for the elevator to continue the tour." The Manager disapprovingly said as he hit the down button and waited.

"Pleasant surprise finding you here, Bart." Comic Book Guy said in a tone which could not be determined to be sarcastic, hopeful, displeased, or any combination of the three. "Do I begin to ask why?" Loud booms echoed across the sky. The ground shook slightly causing the emergency brake to engage. The elevator screeched to a halt.

"Can't take the easy way to my office now." The Manager huffed. "Four flights of stairs await."

"Do I look like I can handle four flights of stairs?" Comic Book Guy mused. "Maybe two now and two later. Anyways, we have plenty of time now." he thought of a way to ask his next question. "Why are you here in the game?"

"I'll give you two a chance to talk. Meet me by the stairs later." The Manager excused himself from their conversation.

Comic Book Guy stared at Bart and wondered what was happening outside the game which would cause Bart to enter and be standing in front of him. "Are you playing the game?"

"We called a tree house meeting after watching Kent Brockman interview Burns, and he said he was preparing for war. He is introducing house rules every turn, and he sent Smithers in as a seventh player." Bart talked faster at every sentence. "We broke into Burns Manor and rode his crazy elevator to his power plant and seven of us entered the game to help you guys. Me, Milhouse, Nelson, Sherri, Terri, Carl, and Lenny."

"You are the first one of those people I found." Comic Book Guy admitted. "Where are the others?"

"Don't know, man." Bart quickly countered. "I'm here to join you and beat Burns. That's all I know."

Comic Book Guy thought for a second. "Two heads are better than one. I can't do anything at the moment as my turn is over, but maybe I can bring you along to help me find Brandine or that sleeping calico cat again."

Bart contorted his face into the weirdest look. "I thought we were defeating Burns and winning a game, why are we looking for a girl and a cat?"

"Games can have multiple goals." Comic Book Guy reassured. "And if Burns wants a war, we'll give it to him while protecting the others. Are you with me?" Comic Book Guy extended his hand.

Bart high-fived it in agreement. "Let's go find everyone."

"Starting with The Manager for the rest of my eighteen dollar tour. I hope kids are free because I'm not paying another eighteen dollars to take you with me. For that price you can wait in my wheelbarrow." Comic Book Guy smiled as they walked towards the stairs to continue the tour.