Chapter Forty-two – 'Church mouse whispers'

"I would like to call this meeting to... uh... order." Mayor Quimby banged his wooden gavel to get everyone's attention. "We have a major issue in Springfield and I have called this town hall meeting to announce our problem and to seek help from the citizens to solve this problem once and for all."

Most of the town's residents were crammed into the council chambers. All the seats were filled, including the table in the center of the room with the really comfortable chairs. The rest of the citizens were lined up around the perimeter of the room. Most knew why they were there, the rest just followed along.

"I would like to start this meeting by informing all the citizens of Springfield of the crisis we are facing." Quimby started again without saying anything new. "I was summoned to the Nuclear Power Plant this evening because of... I was watching my favorite evening television show when it was interrupted by Kent Brockman, and..." He scanned around the room to refresh his memory.

"Kent Brockman reporting live from Springfield Town Hall where an urgent meeting is being held to discuss what the town's citizens can do the rescue the trapped players in Burns' twisted game." He listened intently to the voice in his earpiece. "Are we live? Fifteen seconds? I'm not repeating myself."

The cameraman counted down from five on his fingers and when he reached zero, he panned the camera around the room and pointed at Kent who didn't say anything. A random citizen coughed and another sneezed. "Kent, are you... uh... recording my speech?"

"Yes." Kent answered once the camera was on him. "We are live at the Springfield Town Hall as Mayor Quimby is briefing the town on the dire situation occurring inside Burns' game."

The camera panned to the city council seats occupied by Mayor Quimby in the center with Police Chief Wiggum, Selma Bouvier, Seymour Skinner, and Apu Nahasapeemapetilon to his left, while Reverend Timothy Lovejoy, Fat Tony, Dr. Julius Hibbert, and Cookie Kwan balancing the other side.

"I would like to turn to my council for their input on this situation." Quimby glanced to his left and waited for someone to start speaking. "Anyone?" He turned to his right with no response. "Let me just call on the man who was called to duty and confronted Burns with me... Police Chief Wiggum you have the floor."

"Oh boy." He swallowed. "I don't have anything prepared. Usually when I address the general public, someone writes me a speech in case I just read a paper." He paused then stood up from his seat. "The Springfield Police Department is going to launch an investigation into this game which Burns has created. I don't know what laws Burns has broken at this point..."

"Kidnapping..." A voice came from the crowd.

"Those people entered the game of their own free will." Another voice said.

The Police Chief looked stumped. "No... wait... kidnapping is right. There are an undetermined number of citizens who are also in the game. We don't know how they got there, and frankly we didn't even know they were missing."

"How do you know anyone is missing?" The same disgruntled voice yelled from the crowd.

"Inside Burns' executive office is a wall of monitors which showed various people resembling Springfield citizens." Wiggum tried to explain without really knowing what has been happening. "I'll be honest with you... I stopped paying attention to the game when my name wasn't called by Burns."

An audible sigh was heard from the crowd. "I would like to uh... agree with the Police Chief. I have been too busy as the mayor to pay attention to a game. I only care whoever wins and inherits the nuclear power plant. Other than that. It makes no difference to me." Quimby threw in his two cents. "Has anyone on this panel watched the daily updates of the game?"

"I have." Cookie Kwan raised her hand.

"I would like to yield the floor to Ms. Kwan." Quimby stated trying to follow Robert's Rules of Order.

"The game interested me because it involved buying properties and charging people rent for visiting those properties. I always enjoyed playing Monopoly growing up and it was the reason I became a real estate agent in adulthood. Number one on the West Side in fact..." She trailed off trying to think of anything else relevant. "Seven people voluntarily entered the game and only one will win."

Quimby took over again as her commentary did not add much to the conversation. "Any other council members have anything to add?"

"Maybe we should think about whom we haven't seen around town the past several days." Fat Tony suggested. "Is anyone we know on a permanent vacation. The type you just disappear for and never come back. The kind where you sleep with the fishes. The one where..."

"I think we uh, get your point." Quimby got his point and motioned to Chief Wiggum to keep an eye on him. "Let's start by making a list. Secretary of the council..."

"How do you want this formatted?" Selma Bouvier answered. "I would like to suggest two lists. The first being the seven game players since we know all of them. The second being townspeople who have... disappeared from life in Springfield."

A cricket chirped in the back corner of the room. Kent Brockman's cameraman tried to locate it, but he appeared to be showing the quiet crowd. The council was silent as they did not remember who won the lottery to participate.

Quimby yawned before continuing. "This is taking a lot longer than I expected. It is past my bedtime so let's put our heads together. We should open this up to the public. Who are the original seven in the game?"

"Moe Szyslak!" Homer jumped up and announced. "His bar has been closed, so I can't go drink with my buddies while waiting for..."

"Lisa Simpson!" Marge countered disgustedly. "Time away from the bar will do you some good. And those bar buddies of yours are nothing but trouble."

"If we just sit back and do nothing, I may never see Lenny and Carl again..." Homer admitted as Marge felt bad for jumping on Homer like that. She grabbed his hand to comfort him.

The Mayor scanned the room for the next answer. "Anyone? We have five left."

"I got a feeling my answer is an unpleasant one. I apologize in advance for the person I'm about to name. The next person to add to your list is..." Kirk van Houten tripped over his hands and took a long time to get to his point, the Mayor gave him a 'hurry up' motion. "...my remarried ex-wife Luann van Houten. I want to wish her luck in the game. Can you get her that message, from me, please?"

The crowd let out a collective groan as Kirk finished. Quiet murmurs filled the room as several people thought out loud who was left. "The righteous Ned Flanders." Two young voices said in unison. Homer sighed at the sound of his annoying neighbor's name. Marge elbowed him to remind Homer he was in public.

"He will smite the evilness of the game." Rod Flanders said.

"He will become the good savior everyone needs inside the game." Todd Flanders added.

Selma wrote down the name and chewed on her pen while thinking. "So many different guys, so many wonderful years..." She daydreamed for a second in full view of everyone. "I hope you are okay and come back for another date." Selma was receiving stares from the mayor, the rest of the council, and a majority of the audience.

"You have an addition to the list?" Mayor Quimby inquired.

"The one who stole my heart one time... Jeff Albertson." Selma responded as the mayor's face contorted into a confused look. "I meant... Comic Book Guy." Now everyone knew who she meant. "How does no one know his real name. Just because he is an adult gamer who runs a comic book store, doesn't mean he has no name... I miss him..." Selma stood up, wiped away a tear, then left the room.

The council was down to eight which was still a quorum if they decided to take action. The awkward silence passed as Kent announced the next name to the camera. "Waylon Smithers is playing the game on Burns' behalf. Will he be the one to take possession of the power plant after he wins? His name wasn't written on a random lottery ball. He was a last minute addition by Burns. Stay tuned as this story develops."

Principal Skinner assumed the position of secretary and grabbed the list and added Smithers' name to it. "That makes six. Who is number seven?" Skinner questioned the crowd. The answer did not come. "Bueller?" He asked with zero response. "Bueller?" He repeated with the same effect. "Bueller?"

A pin hitting the floor would have been louder than the current noise level of the room. The sound of breathing was the only audible noise.

"I tried." Skinner conceded. "Like any good elementary school student, let's leave this seventh name blank and come back to it if we have time."

"Speaking of time..." Dr. Hibbert interrupted. "I soon need to head out of here and get some sleep. I'm performing a retroperitonal lymph node dissection at six and need to be rested."

"In the spirit of speeding this up, can we have the names of anyone else trapped inside Burns' Monopoly world." The mayor steered the train by on track. "We have to assume anyone missing from Springfield and missing from this room has been kidnapped. Who..."

Everyone talked over each other to be the loudest person in the room to point out each missing citizen. It was unclear who made the first suggestion, but Skinner wrote them all down.

"Krusty the Klown." Bumblebee Man yelled. "His studio has been dark for the past week. No es bueno."

"That's right!" Bart chimed in. "Every episode this week has been a rerun. I thought I saw that Itchy and Scratchy short before."

"Otto is missing too." Kearney voiced. "I hate walking to school every day."

Lindsey Naegle offered another suggestion. "Barry Duffman. He hasn't returned my calls in several days. I need a celebrity to help sell some merchandise."
"Disco Stu." Arnie Pye screamed over everyone. "He is always good for b-roll while I'm wasting time in the air."

"Anybody seen Gil Gunderson lately?" Cookie Kwan said from the front of the room. "I need him to figure out some taxes for me."

Skinner wrote down these names and came up with one of his own. "Superintendent Chalmers isn't breathing down my neck lately."

"Officer Eddie has taken all his available Paid Time Off plus his remaining floating holiday." Chief Wiggum did the math in his head.

"Groundskeeper Willie hasn't revved that old tractor of his during the morning Pledge of Allegiance." Edna Krabappel complained. "His timing is horrible."

Quimby yawned as the clock struck one. The mayor took control of the meeting again. He noticed Homer and Marge stood up and approached the podium. "The council would like to recognize the couple. Please state your names for the record."

"Homer and Marge Simpson." Homer obviously answered.

"Mayor Quimby, we have been at the power plant since last night. Several of us met at the tree house and made a plan to break into Burns Manor to rescue the participants..." Marge started to explain when Chief Wiggum had a question.

"Who all broke into Burns Manor?" Wiggum grabbed his notepad.

"I plead the fifth." Marge responded. "Anyways... we found Burns in his bedroom, and he took us to his executive office to show us where the game was controlled from." She told the details of the journey in the strange elevator and the wall of monitors. "Myself and Homer are the remaining members of the break-in group. Everyone else was transported into the game by Burns..."

Wiggum wasn't the brightest crayon in the box, but he saw an opportunity. "Can I also have the names of those who Burns sent in?"

"Bart Simpson, Lenny Leonard, Carl Carlson, Milhouse van Houten, Nelson Muntz, Sherri Mackleberry, and Terri Mackleberry." Homer excitedly listed.

"Thank you very much." Chief Wiggum had the names he needed.

"Homer..." Marge was disappointed but continued. "Homer and I watched the screens to see if any of the chosen found the players to help them... I don't think they have succeeded yet..." Marge turned away from the microphone to gather her thoughts. "Our little girl is stuck in that game. Our son went in to rescue her as well. If they don't escape, Maggie will become an only child..."

"We need a plan!" Reverend Lovejoy spoke up. "It needs to be swift and ultimate. From the fires below to the heavens above, we can all enter this gaming universe, beat Burns at his own game, then find a way back to Springfield. I promise if you follow me, I will part the seas and find us a way to the promised land."

The townspeople woke up and the sound of mumbling overpowered the council members. "Order!" Quimby banged his gavel. "I have a motion from Reverend Lovejoy to carve a path from brimstone to the promised land while rescuing... how many people you have on that list?"

"Twenty-one." Skinner counted.

"...and rescue at least twenty-one of Springfield's citizens. Do I have a second?" The mayor asked the council.

"I'll second that." Apu said. "Need to save all my best customers from the game."

"All those in favor signified by saying 'aye'." The mayor continued with the formalities. The council agreed unanimously. "Opposed by saying 'nay'." The council was silent. "Passed by a vote of seven to zero."

They all looked at each other. The plan was to rescue those trapped inside, but how?

"I think Homer and I should lead everyone back to the power plant to tell Burns to let us inside the game." Marge took charge since no one else had a decent plan. "Kent, you should be a leader as well."

"I don't know about that." He wanted to chicken out but Marge wasn't going to let him. "I'm just a local evening news anchor. What do I know about being a leader? I read what I'm told."

Marge frowned then recomposed herself. "Here's the plan. I propose sending another group in based on knowing what we know. I want to volunteer myself, Homer...

"D'oh!" He replied.

"...Kent Brockman and his cameraman, and Chief Wiggum for protection, and you, Mayor Quimby as our fearless leader..." Marge concluded.

"I'm not so uh... sure about this." The mayor quickly thought of other plans. "How about another lottery or a military draft?"

"I motion for volunteers according to Marge's list." Fat Tony agreed.

"Second." Apu quickly jumped in.

Unhappy with the council's decision, Quimby followed protocol. "I those in favor..." Six members confirmed. "Opposed..."

"Nay." Chief Wiggum dissented. "I can vote no with no reprisal."

"By a vote of six to one, we have our volunteers to enter Burns' game." The mayor yawned as the clock approached one-thirty and the audience cheered. "Order, order." He banged the gavel twice. "I'm glad we have a plan. I am a mayor of action and not just talk. Talk is cheap and I am not. I am tired though." He wanted a nap before the grand adventure which awaited them. "By executive decree, we will meet outside the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant at daybreak and convince Mr. Burns to let the six volunteers into the game to rescue our citizens. This will be a dangerous mission, but we must succeed."

There was much yelling and cheering to the dismay of the council. It was a grand plan, but the meeting wasn't officially over yet.

"It's very late and I'm just reminding council I have a surgery in..." Dr. Hibbert checked the clock. "Approximately four hours. I don't want this kid's cancer to spread because I was too tired to focus. I motion to adjourn."

"Second." Apu seconded.

"All those in favor..." The council agreed and so did the townspeople. "Opposed?" The room was silent as the mayor waited for dissenters. "I hereby announce this meeting is adjourned." He banged the gavel and set it down."

"We did it Homer." Marge hugged him. "We get to rescue our little girl..."

"And Bart." Homer had a vision of disciplining him for this stunt but realized he was heroic in wanting to risk life and limb into the unknown to rescue everyone. "Our brave Bart and smart Lisa."

The townspeople filed out while a few remained to overhear the final details of the plan.

"How many total people you think are trapped in the game?" Cookie Kwan asked. "That can't be all."

"With as evil as Burns is, it's hard to say." Apu added to the conversation.

"Anyways, what exactly is our plan?" Skinner challenged. "We didn't enter enemy territory without a viable plan."

Stumped looks took over as Marge offered the best plan at the moment. "We go talk to Burns and get into the game, then we figure it out from there. Who knows what awaits us inside." She gripped Homer's hand. "Everyone else is surviving, why can't we?"

"We won't think of an exact plan at this late hour, so let's sleep on it and reconvene in a few hours." Fat Tony was halfway out the door.

"Second." Apu agreed.

"Naptime." Dr. Hibbert left the room followed by the others.

The mayor waited until he was the last one left, turned out the lights behind him and locked the door. "I hope this plan works..."