Chapter Forty-nine – 'Next in line'
"Let's get started with this gathering of the people." Reverend Lovejoy shouted over the crowd which gathered outside the nuclear power plant. Not outside the gate, but underneath the big window behind the desk of the most powerful man in Springfield.
"Quite the turnout, Reverend." Mayor Quimby commented. "I don't think we had voter turnout this high last time I was elected."
The crowd quieted down as Marge joined the other two up front. "Homer, get up here." Marge whispered to Homer.
"Ready?" Kent's cameraman decided it was time to start. "Three... two..."
"I don't think we need to go live." Kent corrected him. "Anyone who is interested in the game and stopping Burns, is already here." He had a point. "If anyone is sitting at home, well it's almost sunrise, they are sleeping anyway."
Cameraman turned the camera off and set it down. He was used to carrying it on his shoulder all day long, so this was a much desired break.
"May I have everyone's attention, please." The Reverend used kindness as he was respected and people listened when he spoke, whether it was behind the pulpit on Sundays or in front of the nuclear power plant which Burns was giving away. "We are gathered here today, or tonight if you prefer, to discuss a group of us who have volunteered to enter Burns' game in order to rescue our loved ones."
"I would like to say how much of an honor it has been to serve the citizens of the town, and in this time of need, to enter a dangerous game to save its citizens." Quimby added, even though it sounded like a campaign speech.
"We have learned seven people can enter the game, as we have seen when our children entered last night." Marge said as a tear formed in her eye as two of her children, Bart and Lisa, were stuck inside. "Both my children, the twins, the school bully... um... who else am I missing?"
"My coworkers: Lenny and Carl." Homer added. All of his bar buddies except Barney, who was probably at the bar waiting to be served. "...and the Van Houten boy, what's-his-name?"
That would be all seven. "So upon a vote at the emergency council meeting, there are six of us who will discuss with Burns about entering his game." Reverend Lovejoy led the proceeding. "If I could have those six people join me up here."
Most of them were already standing beside Lovejoy. "I'm Marge Simpson and this is my husband, Homer." Marge pointed out. "We are two of the volunteers." Everyone already knew who Marge Simpson was and they either hated her or liked her, there was no in between.
"My name is Homer Simpson, and I am the Safety Inspector here at the power plant in Sector 7-G." Most knew him from the time the power plant was seconds from a meltdown. A quiet boo came from the crowd. "Hey..."
"I am of course your heroic and handsome mayor, Joe Quimby." The mayor of Springfield started a speech. "It is my obligation to ensure the safe return of our citizens and the destruction of the game, so Burns or anyone else can not use it for evil ever again." The crowd was generally disinterested in how his empty campaign promises never came true, but somehow he kept getting reelected. "Many people from this great city are missing and I... we will rescue them and bring them home. Vote Quimby!"
Reverend Lovejoy rolled his eyes, as maybe Quimby was not the best person to fill a limited number with. "Thank you Mayor Quimby... can I have Kent Brockman come up here."
The reporter did as the reverend asked. "Kent Brockman here as I am preparing to enter this game with the rest of the people up here. What will I find? Will it be adventure? Will it be the missing citizens? Will it be the end of Kent Brockman reporting the news? Stay tuned to find out?" His fast talking demeanor didn't mean much not in front of a camera. "Did you get all that?" He asked his cameraman.
"The camera is physically sitting on the ground, so no..." There was a little disdain in his voice.
"Lucky for you, I volunteered you to join me in the game, so come on up." Brockman surprised the cameraman. He had one job: to follow Kent anywhere he went with his trusty camera mounted on his shoulder. Entering an unknown game would be no different.
The crowd was silent, waiting for the next person to speak. Who would it be? It wasn't the mayor as he hid behind Marge and Homer. It wasn't Kent, even though he had an active audience in front of him. "Who is the other person to make six? Is it you Lovejoy?"
"Heavens no." He replied. "Someone has to stay back here in Springfield to help with prayers for the living... and prayers for the..."
"The last volunteer is..." Marge nervously cut him off so he didn't mention the fact none of them, or the children, or the players may not escape alive. "Chief Wiggum, will you join us?"
The Springfield Chief of Police should have been the first one to volunteer for this dangerous assignment, but he had other ideas. "I guess I did volunteer for this, even though... is there anyone else who can go? I mean, how much walking will there be... and I may need a refill on my inhaler..."
So two slots were filled with people of authority who would rather leave the rescue mission up to the common citizens of the city.
"Is there anyone else at this moment who wants to volunteer to join this group." Reverend Lovejoy announced to the crowd.
To Lovejoy's surprise, no one raised their hand, no one shouted anything affirmative, no one pointed to anyone. It's as if the entire crowd was scared and ignored his request.
"Very well." Lovejoy disappointedly continued. "The six of you will go unless we get any last-minute volunteers.
He tried one more time, and still no one took his bait.
"I would like a recount." Mayor Quimby spoke up from behind Marge, and she sidestepped, so the crowd could see him. "Is there anyone who wants to take my spot... I mean... join me for this journey."
Amazingly, the citizens were absolutely silent again.
"We should have another meeting..." Quimby started again, but everyone knew it was time for action.
"No more meetings!" Marge shouted. "This game started two days ago and..."
"I'm ready to confront Burns and go rescue my friends and my family and my bartender." Homer rambled. "Burns has held me down for too long, and it's time to fight." He pounded a fist into an open hand to show his strength.
"Homer!" Marge elbowed him. "It's not a physical fight. Are you really going to punch a hundred-year-old man?"
Homer wasn't going to punch Burns, but many of the employees wanted to according to the unofficial survey led by... an anonymous disgruntled employee.
"Are we sure I need to go?" Chief Wiggum was the next to try to escape his duty. "Who would run the police force?"
"If I have to do this, so do you." Quimby chimed in.
"Isn't there an assistant police chief, or at least other officers who could fill in. You aren't the only policeman in town." Marge groaned as she was willing to risk everything to retrieve her children, but some of the others were too scared. "No more trades. We are all going."
"I'm in as this will be good for ratings." Brockman thought about himself and his career. If he didn't come back, it didn't matter.
"Now this is settled. We have Marge and Homer, Kent Brockman and his cameraman, Mayor Quimby, and Police Chief Wiggum who will ask Burns to enter the game on a rescue mission of sorts..." The Reverend figured he would try one more time. "Can we get a seventh person to join them?
Once again, silence fell over the crowd.
"I didn't think so. In the future, if you all do not return, and we presume you are killed or captured, we will need volunteers... and in the event of no volunteers, we may need to draft people." These may not have been the best words from Lovejoy.
Also, the word 'draft' worried many of the citizens who were hoping to stay out of the game. They didn't get picked by lottery to play, nor did they want to volunteer.
"I've been drafted once before, and I won't be drafted again." A random voice yelled from the crowd.
"Let's hope through hard work and determination that we are the last ones to enter the game and can stop the insanity." Quimby tried to rally the people. "Maybe you have some better words, Reverend."
"Dear Heavenly Father, we pray for the safe return of these brave people, and if not, may you have mercy on their souls. If some shall return and others fail, may there be stories of triumphant valor and bravery only one can see. I speak these words, amen." The Reverend knew how to comfort people, even if his words seemed like fire and brimstone.
None of them knew what to expect, but at least they had a plan. Several of them had already been in Burns' office, so hopefully he would invite them in for some morning tea and biscuits before allowing them to enter the game.
"The hour is upon us to end all the talking and put into action our plan" Mayor Quimby announced. "This plan also starts with something I never thought possible..." Despite multiple reelections, he did not consider himself a career politician, even though his reign of corruption and bribes was about to end. "This brings a single tear to my eye as I exercise my power through Executive Order..."
Some still can't believe the next words out of the Mayor's mouth, while some have been waiting for this moment for decades.
"I, Diamond Joe Quimby, Mayor of Springfield, hereby sign Executive Order number two which states: Reverend Timothy Lovejoy will be the acting mayor for my duration inside the game. If I fail to escape from the game, he shall remain mayor until the next regular election. This Executive Order shall remain in effect until cancelled or expiration." Quimby read from a scroll as if he was a messenger from the Dark Ages.
"What was Executive Order number one?" Homer asked completely off-topic.
"It was an order which gave policemen an extra fifty bucks for each cat rescued out of a tree." Chief Wiggum whispered to Homer. "I've made an easy five hundred bucks in the four trees since this order was signed." He winked. Was it true? Probably not but who would question it?
Quimby regained the short attention spans of Homer and Wiggum. "Does... uh... anybody have a pen I can borrow?"
"For the love of..." Marge voiced her frustration.
"Here." Lovejoy pulled out a blue ink pen from under his robe. "Always be prepared. If anyone here thinks I should not assume the mayoral duties from Joe Quimby, speak now or forever hold your peace."
There was no chance anyone was going to object. The city had voted for term limits multiple times, which was vetoed somehow by Quimby.
The Mayor took the pen in his hand and carefully drew his signature at the bottom. "I hereby proclaim Reverend Timothy Lovejoy as Mayor of Springfield with all rights and privileges contained within."
The crowd cheered for the first time tonight. They showed their support for the new, temporary, and possibly permanent mayor. The celebration may have been a bit too loud as a window opened above them.
"Thou know'st the mask of night is on my face, else would a gentleman blush bepaint my cheek for that which thou hast heard tonight." Burns quoted. "It seems there is a celebration going on which I was not invited to."
"Reverend? This is where you take over." The former mayor Joe Quimby prompted him.
"I was unaware you were awake at this early hour of the morning." The mayoral reverend began. "There are some things we would like to discuss with you..."
Burns leaned further out the window. "I'm awake, but it was well before you started cheering. As soon as you all came onto the property, the security cameras alerted me to your presence. I've just been listening to the awkward silences and the installation of the new mayor." The awkward silence returned as Burns brought an evil aura to the party. "If you are lucky, I'll invite you to the Circle of Power poker game each week."
Lovejoy was not a gambler, so that wasn't going to happen. "We actually have something important to discuss with you. We have a request to enter the game and rescue our friends."
"Absolutely not." Burns was quick to shut down their idea. "No one can enter as that will interfere with the game. It needs to be played fair."
No one trusted Burns. There was no such thing as fair when it came to Burns.
Lovejoy did have an ace up his sleeve or under his robe. "We would like to enter the game to rescue the children and power plant workers you sent into the game. The six of us will not interfere with the actually game."
Burns thought for a second and closed the window without a response. What was he doing? Did he just ignore their request?
Minutes passed as everyone stared up at the window. Any second now Burns would reappear and the conversation would continue.
"What is taking so long?" Homer complained. "I know..." He picked up a few pebbles from the parking lot and began to throw them at the large window. The hit softly and fell back to the earth. Several stones did not attract Burns back to the window, so Homer picked up a baseball size rock and threw it.
The rock met the window and went through it with a crash. "What the..." Burns sounded upset and stuck his head through the broken window pane. "This is coming out your paycheck, Simpson."
"D'oh!" Homer reacted. "Sorry."
Burns disappeared again as everyone waited. This encounter was slow-going. Eventually he stuck his head out the broken window again. "I'll make a deal with you all..." He started. "Overhearing the party on my property, I can make this offer: There are six of you who are wanting to enter the game. The transporters are set up to send seven people in at a time..."
"Last call to enter the game..." Mayor Lovejoy tried one last final time to get anybody to volunteer. "Going once..."
"Nobody wants to volunteer!" Burns yelled to conclude this attempt. "I'll make you all a deal once I come downstairs. And don't break any more of my windows."
Burns disappeared yet again as they waited. If he was coming downstairs to meet them, how long would it take to get there.
The seconds felt like an eternity. "Anyone knew any good jokes?" Homer filled the silence. "What do you call a factory which makes okay products."
Mumbles and grumbles could be heard along with many incorrect answers.
"I think I've heard this one before. Give me a sec..." Wiggum might have used this dad joke before, but has forgotten the answer. "It's a... uh... I had it and now I lost it."
Homer loudly cleared his throat and finished the joke. "It's a satis-factory..."
Marge groaned and wished Burns would hurry up. "I've got one!" Wiggum yelled. "Why does the math book look sad?"
Another bad joke didn't deserve a correct answer from the crowd.
Wiggum finished the joke as Burns emerged. "Because of its problems..."
Even Burns groaned at that one. "Let's keep all of your problems outside my power plant." His look stunned Marge as she wanted to say something. "May I have everyone's attention?"
"I think you already do..." Marge just couldn't contain herself. "You trapped my children in that evil game of yours... you... monster."
Homer held her back. She wanted to yell at him, but then Burns could have turned around and locked them out of the power plant without his deal.
"I'll just ignore that, because why would you insult the man who can offer you a grandiose deal to see your precious rugrats again." Burns held all the cards and Marge knew it.
She frowned but didn't apologize. She just stayed quiet as Burns continued.
"Since there are six will participants down here and the transporters work for seven people at a time... I will volunteer as tribute, as the young kids say." Burns had a plan. It was his game to control from the outside, but what damage could he do from inside?
"I guess I will allow this..." Reverend Lovejoy hesitantly agreed.
"Excellent." Burns knew more about the game than everyone else combined, even though several of them had sat in his office watching through the security cameras. "This will be quite the adventure for all of us."
Kent and his cameraman, Wiggum and Quimby, and Homer and Marge all formed a line in front of Burns.
Lovejoy extended his right hand and said a quick prayer. "Watch over these brave warriors as they do not know what awaits them. As they walk through the valley of... joy and prosperity, protect them. Amen." He changed a few words to not scare anyone more than they were as they approached the unknown.
"If you all will kindly follow me, I'll take you to the transporter room." Burns invited them into his power plant. "As for the rest of you... get off my lawn." He was serious. "Before I release the hounds..."
"Let's give them time and space, and I'll prepare a press release as needed. Good night everyone." Mayor Lovejoy took charge of the situation.
The crowd dispersed as Burns shut the door to the power plant and led the six volunteers upstairs.
