Chapter Fifty-three – 'Pasta mia'
"Worst alarm clock ever." Comic Book Guy complained as he straightened up on the bench outside the Box Factory. "I must have fallen asleep." He mumbled as the sun peaked around the building. The late night conversation with Bart and the long wait to take his turn led to a nap outside.
The MyPad was flashing rapidly, vibrating wildly, and playing the most annoying ringtone: the one which comes as the default on a new cellphone.
"What time is it?" Bart asked sleepily. "Where are we?" His brain didn't turn on for a few seconds. This setting was new to him as he had seen it in the dark along with the buildings involved with making the root beer and chocolate rocket fuel. "What happens if we leave?"
"Good question." Comic Book Guy thought about the information Bart had gained throughout the night during his secret delivery trip. "We have to tell someone..." Who though? They were strangers in a strange land, and had no one who knew what was going on.
The property mayors knew there was a game being played in their world, but did not know the full extent of Burns' plan. What was the end game. It couldn't just be to give the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant to the winner. What happened to the losers of his game?"
"So now what? I could stay here and... tell an adult... maybe someone inside the Box Factory..." Bart was tripping over his words as this plan was going nowhere. "Maybe I could wait here to see if anyone else shows up, or I could venture off and find..." Comic Book Guy shook his head at those ideas.
He felt responsible for Bart after learning about the war machine being built on the assembly line. "You should come with me, at least until we find your parents..." Comic Book Guy had never been a babysitter, except while reprimanding the kids inside his comic book store. "Come with me." He stood up off the bench and motioned for Bart to follow him. "But first, we shall find out our fate."
He pressed the roll icon on the MyPad, which silenced all the noises, and also displayed a pair of fives. Little did he know the adventure which awaited him on his extended turn.
"Ten!" He hollered. "To the wheelbarrow." He sprung forth as if he was on a mission. Technically he was. "I don't know how this is going to work, my wheelbarrow is barely big enough for my a... hey! Great Batman's ghost!" As they turned the corner, Comic Book Guy saw his large silver wheelbarrow, and a miniature silver wheelbarrow directly beside it. "This makes me Batman, which makes you..."
"No way man." Bart interrupted him. "I'm not your sidekick. I'm in this world just as much as you are."
"Good point. In that case, call me Batman... or by my secret identity... Jeff Albertson." It was his true identity, as all the kids and customers knew him as Comic Book Guy. "Let's ride."
He jumped into the larger wheelbarrow as Bart climbed into his token. The Box Factory towered over them as they looked at the open window on the third floor and the stone statue stared back down at them. It's just a statue and cannot harm them. "Still creepy." Bart said as the silver tokens started moving.
The Box Factory became smaller and faded out of sight as they began their journey to the first of two places on this turn.
Bart was excited about the adventure. He always wanted to show Burns he was not just a rambunctious child with no moral compass. Same to Principal Skinner, and to Reverence Lovejoy, and to Ned Flanders, and to Comic Book Guy... who invited him along.
"You're right." Bart said as the wheelbarrow made it to a stretch of trees too thick to see through, with a canopy not as densely packed, so the sun shone in the forest. The greenery was a pleasant change from the run-down industrial complex they had just left.
The idea of making rocket fuel from root beer and chocolate stuck in Bart's mind. There was no thinking of anything else except this valuable information he learned during the night. "So..."
"What?" Jeff Albertson replied. He looked surprised as Bart threw the conversation to him. He didn't know what to say. Furthermore, he wasn't a babysitter, just a security guard of comics and collectibles. "I got nothing."
The new pairing forming Team Wheelbarrow rode among the trees in silence. Not an awkward silence, just the silence when you want to relax and not carry a conversation with anyone. A silence overshadowed by a few birds and squirrels living in the trees.
The forest abruptly ended in the same manner as a gag from an old black and white cartoon, and the landscape was filled with high rise apartments and perfectly spaced streets, creating a grid. Their view from on top of a slight hill was breathtaking. It didn't last long, as they reached the edge of a cliff and slid along a very steep slope.
"I'm not liking this rollercoaster ride, but I am interested in the city we are approaching." Comic Book Guy was a fan of amusement parks, but his large stature prevented him from enjoying any of the rides designed for a normal-sized person. "What is actually holding me in here, gravity?"
Bart shrugged and raised his arms, the same as he had done many times. "I don't know man, but this is awesome."
They sped through an intersection and a traffic light camera flashed taking their picture. "My first ride photo in twenty years. I hope it's not blurry." Comic Book Guy was proud to be speeding through the town between the tall steel and glass buildings.
The wheelbarrows began to slow as a flat city block came into view. The apartments and office gave way to slabs of concrete and a few randomly placed brick buildings. This wasn't exactly what he was hoping for. "Holy Great Depression. Please tell me we are just taking the scenic tour. If I'm buying anything, I want the tallest building with the tallest radio antenna on top."
Comic Book Guy was reminded of the classic cartoons from the beginning of the genre, where each real world scenario was in a crowded city with access to the rooftop via fire escapes. Not the open land with a few square buildings whose exterior had been graffitied and repainted when the city was upgraded to house upscale offices and tenants.
"You think this is worth buying?" Bart questioned. "It does look nicer than the Box Factory." Which was true, but not by much.
Comic Book Guy shrugged and listened to the MyPad confirm his thinking. "You have arrived at Pacific Avenue. Please hurry up and find the statue, then immediately report back here for a bonus turn."
He was glad to receive an extra turn, but not thrilled about how pushy the MyPad was. "I'll go at my own pace, thank you." The screen displayed the ten spaces him and Bart had traveled, but did so in slow motion, mocking Comic Book Guy and his slow pace. "I will break you." He threatened the MyPad before it went blank.
"The Pimento Grove... sounds fancy." Bart suggested looking up at the sign fashioned out of different neon rope lights. "I bet this lights up at night." It probably did to attract the younger and hipper clientele to this establishment. "The tables are already set..."
"Two forks, two spoons, and a knife." This was a place Comic Book Guy would never eat at. This wasn't a place for greasy burgers and mountains of french fries. He tried the front door and found it locked. "Guess we aren't eating here."
Bart turned around and saw a better restaurant across the street. "How about that place?" He pointed at the 'For Sale' sign above the front door.
"I don't know about that one. Unless the food is good, I can't buy anything I wouldn't eat. Where's the fast food? Where's the burritos?" Comic Book Guy was frustrated by classy, expensive food which always turned out to be a saltine cracker with a drop of caviar and a streak of some random sauce.
"This one is locked too." Bart had already run across the street. The next best thing was cupping his hands to the window and trying to see what was inside. "Three forks, three spoons, two knives, two plates, and two cups. You should buy this one."
Jeff followed him and peeked into the restaurant. "Maybe it will be worth it." He shrugged and waited for another plan to cross his mind.
A delivery truck was approaching and Bart suggested to hide. Comic Book Guy ran... quickly walked to the side of the building, then behind it. "Bart?" His little teammate was standing in the doorway leading to the rear entrance.
"This door is unlocked." He pulled it open and ran in. Jeff barely made it before the delivery truck turned the corner behind the building.
"Who are you?" A voice called from the far side of the room. "We're closed. Come back later. And use the front entrance for service. This is for deliveries only."
"That's why we are here." Bart tried to tell a cover story. "Don't let the delivery driver in... he is carrying a dangerous explosive..." Now it sounded ridiculous. Comic Book Guy shushed him, so he wouldn't give away too much information or sound too wild and get them thrown out.
He had a different idea, which worked for him every other property he went to. "Excuse me sir. My young friend here is helping me play a game, and I'm interested in purchasing this property from the mayor. Do you happen to be the mayor?"
The lowly worker thought for a second. He didn't get paid to deal with anything beyond accepting deliveries, unloading trucks, and storing products. "Last I saw him was downstairs in the wine cellar selecting a wine to pair with tonight's special." The worker pointed to a staircase beside him before making his way to the delivery entrance. "If you saw the delivery truck is here, I've got a job to do. Excuse me."
He guided the truck while it backed up to the door. "Quick, down the stairs, so we aren't seen." Bart ran down a few stairs and jumped the last three to the cellar floor. Of course, Comic Book Guy needed time to two-step on each stair before reaching the bottom.
It wasn't Bart's thud hitting the stone floor which got the Mayor's attention, It was Comic Book Guy's heavy breathing. "Unless there is an elevator, I don't want to buy this property." He said as an aside to Bart. "Too many stairs..."
"I would say the restaurant doesn't open until evening, but I overheard you want to buy this rundown restaurant." The voice had a strong Italian accent. "I haven't made a profit since I opened, so I'll sell it to you cheap."
"How cheap?" Jeff wondered. The game was getting more intense, but seemed pretty repetitive so far. "What am I actually buying? The restaurant and this wine cellar." He looked around at racks upon racks of aging wine. Red and whites. Sweets and drys. It was all meticulously labeled and sorted by year. "These bottles alone would be worth some money."
"Unfortunately, you would only be buying the restaurant. All this wine you see down here, I had imported from far, far away. I spent a fortune on tariffs and customs, so this all comes with me." The stranger explained.
Bart had wandered over to a giant barrel supported by two others. "Is there wine in here? Or is it explosive chocolate and root beer?" He tried to remove a cork pounded into the front to drain it and find out.
"Stop! If I make you a deal, will you leave the wine alone." The Mayor pleaded with Bart. "I, Luigi Risotto, take great pride in my restaurant serving the most perfectly paired wine with my pasta. "Just promise me, you won't make any changes to my menu."
Comic Book Guy didn't care how the place was run, he just needed the profit if anyone else stopped here. "I'll make you a deal. You can continue to run the restaurant, I just want the money if any of my friends... competitors... other players stop here."
"Deal." Luigi agreed. "Follow me. I think I know what you need." He led them back up the stairs to the main room, and behind a pallet of freshly delivered pasta was a familiar stone statue. "This is what you seek."
Bart cautiously walked towards the statue, constantly looking if the delivery driver could see him. If the last delivering them, and Bart thought it looked familiar. "Hey, Jeff!" He tugged at his shirt. "Look! That's the same truck from last night..."
"Hide!" Comic Book Guy quickly was root beer and chocolate, what could be in these bags. He pulled the slingshot from his back pocket and looked for some ammunition. Anything small and hard would work.
After way too long, he found a hardened meatball behind a steel drum of tomato sauce. He took aim and hit a bag labeled pasta.
To his surprise, a waterfall of pasta spilled out. He shrugged and tore the bag open further. "This could be..."
"A bag of completely normal pasta." Comic Book Guy sat on the ground and picked up a handful to verify his theory. His next problem was, he hit the ground with a thud, causing the top bag of pasta to topple off the pile, which in turn made another loud noise.
"Is someone there?" Bart recognized the voice and placed his hands over his mouth to prevent any noises from giving away them hiding. "Hello?"
"Just a fat man and little boy buying my restaurant. I promise I won't tell them what's in the barrels in the..." Luigi's voice faded as he closed the exterior door. The room was silent as Comic Book Guy and Bart assumed everyone left.
They waited a few extra moments before standing up... slowly in the case of Comic Book Guy. "So something is in those barrels. I knew it." Bart was proud of his late night ride and starting to put the pieces together. "We have to find out."
"No time." Jeff looked at him disappointed. "We have to buy this property and get out of here before they come back. If there is something downstairs, we have to keep it a secret until we have more time to investigate."
It wasn't the ideal answer, but it was the best one at this moment. "So now what?" Bart knew the answer, but played dumb to get Comic Book Guy to hurry up. "May I?"
"Sure." Jeff handed him the MyPad and Bart placed it in the hands of the statue. Bart was part of the team now, so he could help physically where Comic Book Guy struggled.
The expected green hologram appeared and stared at the two of them. "Greetings... to both of you. I see your team has expanded. Since I'm a nice guy, I'll tell you something else. Ready?" It wasn't often the holograms gave helpful advice, but both nodded to hear what it had to say. "Recently, before this turn in fact, more people entered this game, and they will randomly be assigned to each team."
"Who?" Comic Book Guy jumped on the opportunity.
"That you will find out eventually." The hologram wouldn't give that information. "Back to business. Welcome to Pacific Avenue. This property can be purchased for three hundred dollars, with a bottle of vintage wine selling for twenty-six dollars. Make your choice." Bart jumped up and pressed the Buy icon on the MyPad. "Very well."
A red hologram appeared the instant the green one disappeared. "Report back to your tokens." This one was more serious than the last one. "By the way, the path is clear. The delivery truck is running its next errand."
"Let's go!" Comic Book Guy suggested and started towards the exterior door.
"Wait!" Bart interrupted as he grabbed the pieces of paper which printed below the MyPad. "Can't forget this, either." He grabbed the MyPad next. The red hologram was nowhere to be found.
The first paper... "We don't have time to waste." Comic Book Guy called behind him. We have to leave and come back later." The thought of abandoning a property and hoping to return took over his mind. It wasn't the first time he left something... or someone... behind at a property.
"These papers might be important." Bart was determined to read them. "Like the red guy said, the delivery truck is already gone."
"But it could be back any second." Comic Book Guy countered.
"I don't think so." Bart replied. "The delivery driver seemed annoyed when no one would help him unload boxes, so if that Luigi guy and whoever that first guy was, he won't..." That's all Bart needed to slow down to Comic Book Guy's pace. "Anyone there?"
Comic Book Guy peeked out the door and the large delivery truck was gone. "Good call, Bartman." He walked slowly around two sides of the building as Bart whistled while reading the papers.
The first paper was the Title-deed for the property, and the second was Comic Book Guy's three hundred dollar purchase, leaving him with eight hundred sixty-two dollars. "You're rich man. We could buy... lots of wine. So many... I can't do the math in my head."
"What's the third paper say?" Comic Book Guy was curious since he knew the third paper was from the hologram itself. "They listen, you know..."
"Please don't tamper with the barrels. You'll regret it." Bart read out loud as the same red hologram was waiting for them at the pair of wheelbarrows. "That can't be good."
Comic Book Guy agreed. "Maybe if walk slower..." Any slower, he basically would be standing still.
"Any day now..." The hologram grew impatient. "Nevermind, I'll just hurry this up." He pointed at the wheelbarrows, which moved closer to Bart and Jeff. "Jump in." What was the hurry? They were leaving so soon after arriving.
"What's in the barrels?" Bart asked. He had a guess according to the note received. "Is it explosive root beer?"
The hologram just grinned. "Be careful, little boy... knowing too much in this game isn't always a good thing." It disappeared before Bart could ask another question.
"If you want to go check, now would be the time." Comic Book Guy suggested. "How is a hologram going to stop you?" This was a very true statement, but Bart didn't want to find out.
"We can always come back." Bart mentioned, but Comic Book Guy had never had any luck returning to a space. "If we never come back, maybe we can tell the others what is stored here... or..."
Comic Book Guy didn't have an answer, as many thoughts came to mind. Brandine, rocket fuel barrels, and that creepy red hologram. "Strangest game ever..." He told Bart as he prepared to press... "MyPad please." Bart tossed it to him as he thought this may be the last time he ever saw this property. "Statistically, one day we have to return to somewhere we've been..."
