Chapter Fifty-five – 'Leave me alone'
"Rejected? That doughnut loving..." Luann slammed the MyPad on the table as Smithers and Milhouse looked on. "That was a simple one-for-one trade. Does he even know how to play this game?"
It was the first time playing for all of them, and some of the rules changed each turn. Did any of them really know what they were playing?
"Mom, mom!" Milhouse tried to get her attention, but she ignored him. "Mom..."
"Just a second, Milhouse. I need to discuss with Mr. Smithers what our next goal is." Luann made it sound like they were a team, but Smithers had only agreed not to target Luann unless absolutely necessary. "So who should we try to trade with now?" She asked Smithers as he took another sip of his breakfast tea.
Smithers thought about her strategy for a moment. She was currently in first place, and he was right behind her in second. She owned five properties compared to his three. Maybe he should listen to her.
"I'll take it under advisement." Smithers scanned his options on the MyPad and there wasn't one direct trade which benefited him. He needed multiple properties from different players, or properties from Luann which that trade wasn't going to happen at this point in the game, so he temporarily gave up. "I need to make a plan before I can trade again."
"Mom!" Milhouse interjected again. "Mom!"
"The adults are talking strategy. Please do not interrupt us." She took the game seriously, and probably more serious than the other six competitors. It was hers to win, and hers and Milhouse's to lose. "It would be your best plan to acquire as many properties as you can..."
Smithers knew how to play the game, but didn't anticipate actually playing. He just wanted to do the best he could. "Thanks for the advice." He saw Milhouse running toward the bagel rack again. "I think your kid has something important to tell you."
He motioned over to the energetic Milhouse, who was grabbing six more bagels and using his shirts as a makeshift basket to carry them back. "Mom!" He wanted her attention more than anything to tell her... "The MyPad says it's time to go!"
"Your kid is right." Smithers looked at the flashing MyPad sitting on the table. "I hate to cut the conversation short, but I could use some quiet time to think about my strategy for the game..." Maybe having an agreement with the one player ahead of him meant he would only finish second at best. At some point, he may need to break their agreement. "After you leave, I'm going to make a plan and send out trades to everyone, and see who wants to trade."
"Great idea!" Luann agreed with him and thought of another plan. "You propose a trade to everyone, and I'll do the same, and we will try to get all the properties from everyone without them knowing we are working together." The two of them could take over the game, and this was the best way to do it. "I'm going to take a look at this, and hopefully we don't fight over the same properties."
"Mom!" Milhouse couldn't contain himself and yelled one more time. "Mom! Can I press the button?" That was all he wanted, but it took several times to get his mother to listen. "As the second member of Team van Houten, I get to play the game too."
He was right, as there were two silver dogs outside, one larger than the other. Milhouse was ready to continue the adventure instead of talking strategy with the adults. On the other hand, Smithers was ready for them to leave, so he could get some peace and quiet, and possibly take a quick nap.
Milhouse dropped all the bagels on the table on top of the MyPad. The illuminated, and now flashing screen, could be seen through the center of a bagel. "If you want to push the button, go ahead." Luann pulled the MyPad out and held it in front of Milhouse, who was excited to play.
He pressed the Roll icon, and the familiar booms echoed across the sky. The MyPad displayed an eight, which seemed rather innocent. "Eight! Everything is coming up Milhouse!" There was no idea where they would end up, since this game and the tokens have a mind of their own. The holograms were a different story. "Let's go!"
"We can't just Smithers here alone." Luann was being nice, but knew Smithers response.
"Be my guest." Smithers was glad to get rid of them at this moment. "I'll be fine by myself... until anyone else shows up unannounced." He hoped to get some time to himself to contemplate trade offers. "Just remember to consider our plan."
Luann nodded and took Milhouse by one hand, and led him out the door. "Mom!" Milhouse motioned back to the table, which held his bagels. "My lunch!" Quick-thinking Smithers threw one bagel across the room with Milhouse catching it in his mouth. "Thank you..." He yelled with a muffled voice.
"Don't get crumbs... nevermind." They had separate tokens to mount, so she could ride her way and Milhouse could take care of himself. "Ready?" She called over to Milhouse as she climbed onboard underneath the shadow of the large Lard Lad mascot holding a triumphant doughnut.
"Ready, mom." Milhouse was ready as he took the last bite of his bagel. "Can I hold the MyPad?"
Luann was focused on executing the plan as the silver tokens slowly pulled away from the sidewalk and passed all the glorious building full of colorful décor and deep-fried goodness. There were many restaurants they had not tried yet, but since we owned the entire block, there was time... if they ever found their way back to the Fast Food District.
The divided paved road led them from paradise back to a busy interstate which stretched as far as the eye could see. "Eight spaces could be eight miles or eight hours, so Milhouse..." Luann thought about the situation, and now would be the best time to concentrate on the plan. "Give mommy five minutes to focus on her strategy."
If she wanted to have a chance at winning, she would need a plan of attack better than the other six. She tapped the MyPad and found her way through the main menu and into the 'Make A Trade' screen. Where to start? How to work the plan?
"Maybe if I..." The best plan might an attack on all five fronts. Luann was determined to win. "I'm just going for it all... the worst anyone can say it no, just like Comic Book Guy did earlier. I made need to make a better offer this time."
She tapped a few properties and names. One property per person in an even trade might be what she needs... or not. She owned the most properties, but it wouldn't make sense to give away what she had already purchased.
"Maybe this one-on-five attack isn't the best approach... let me see." Time was getting short as tall buildings quickly came into view. Five miles to downtown, a green sign read. "The next destination could be there, or I could just buy the entire town. I mean, the goal is to own this entire world."
Downtown came fast, as buildings and high concrete walls surrounded the interstate on all sides, including above. The silver dogs passed through a tunnel, with the only light coming from the MyPad. It reminded her of the task at hand. "Tunnel! Choo choo!" Milhouse yelled. "It's been five minutes, mom!"
"I need another two." She answered. "I need to be quick. Maybe one trade to start, and if this gets rejected, I'll just try again." She clicked on Ned's name and choose his light blue property, which matched her light blue Fast Food Extravaganza. "Have to start somewhere."
She turned off the MyPad as the silver dog swerved across three lanes of traffic. Their destination was rapidly approaching, even if they did not know it. "Mom!" Milhouse was starting to annoy Luann. "Are we there yet?"
"I don't even know where we are going... but I hope it's there..." As she tried to answer, the dogs exited the highway at a large mall seen from the interstate. "Moneybags Mall... even better than a bunch of fast food."
Milhouse had a different idea. "If we are going to the mall, they have a food court we can eat at." Food was his number one plan, and it showed. "I'm still hungry."
Luann rolled her eyes as her son was a bottomless pit. The mall food court might be healthier than a handful of frosted doughnuts.
The silver tokens stayed on the ground level and circled the complex to find the main entrance. A 'For Sale' banner was draped across the grand arch which signified the best entrance to enter the mall. A vast parking lot sat in front of the entrance, but the owner or potential owner or owners should get the best parking space available.
A lane for valet parking is which the dog and miniature dog came to a stop. "You have arrived at St. James Place." The MyPad announced and displayed the eight spaces they had traveled.
"Eight miles or eight kilometers... how was that eight spaces. This game makes no sense sometimes." Luann admitted as she dismounted token. "Anyways, let's go buy this mall." She motioned to Milhouse to follow her.
They entered the mall and to her surprise, it looked bigger on the inside than the outside. Now the goal was to find the statue and talk to the hologram. But where to start? "Mom!" One last 'mom' from Milhouse was all it took to set her off. "Mom..."
"No more. No. No. No! We are not doing this the rest of the game. I see you and I hear you. Next time, just wave at me and I will acknowledge you." She had had enough. She had hit her limit. She needed a break. "I'll make a deal with you. Mommy needs a break..." Her face went from red back to normal. "I'm going to look for the statue while you look for the food court. You are free to explore, just stay inside the mall."
"Absolutely. Milhouse agreed and disappeared. His legs couldn't carry him any faster. Food was the ultimate motivator for him.
Luann kept the MyPad as she needed if or when she found the statue used to summon the hologram. "Where to start?" She scanned the landscape. Nothing jumped out at her. Milhouse was nowhere in sight, so she started to also explore.
The mall was empty except for a few senior citizens walking the perimeter. It was air-conditioned and heated, indoors, and had ground level access. They didn't spend any money nor visit any stores. If she buys the mall, she can't restrict them from entering when the mall is open.
"Excuse me... old... senior... mall walkers." Her introduction to the locals was less than graceful. "During your morning... afternoon walk, have you seen a stone statue of an old... older... elderly man."
"Respect your elders." The old man raised his cane at Luann. "We're old, not deaf, except for my wife who is mostly deaf." His wife had nothing to say, but he continued in his 'get off my lawn' tone. "If you talk nicer, I'll tell you about the man sitting in the center of the mall. He looks important."
"Thanks... and enjoy your walk. Don't get lost." She added as three steps meant she was a mile ahead of them.
Despite his attitude, the old man was correct. Sitting in a cheap massage was a middle-aged man wearing large circular sunglasses. "The morning sun through the skylights sometimes hurts my sensitive eyes. The glare reflects of the mirrored floors and practically blinds me."
"It's a beautiful skylight, very decorative, very high." She commented.
"Fifty-five feet from the floor." The mysterious man stated. "Three floors of the mall plus the high vaulted ceilings. It's a shame only a third of it is still for sale."
This caught Luann's attention. Her intention was to buy the entire mall. All three levels, the skylight, the parking lot, and the whole town if possible. "One-third?"
"Yes, my lovely lady, exactly one-third. In fact, you are in luck as the one-third still for sale is this base level which houses... The Happy Sailor Tattoo Parlor, Nick's Bowling Shop, a Starbucks or two, and our signature store: Bed, Bath, and Beware." The mysterious man tried to sell Luann on purchasing the remaining floor of the aged mall.
"Doesn't seem like a good investment to me. I only have so much money, and personally, I wouldn't shop at any of those stores, especially the Drunken Sailor Tattoo Place." Luann was not convinced, and if it wasn't for Milhouse being missing in action, she might have turned around and left. "Your signature store is on the verge of bankruptcy, so that leaves a giant empty concrete box the day that happens."
"I am a great realtor and mayor, and I have already sold the other two floors. I am Artie Ziff and I don't take no for an answer." He still wasn't very convincing. Luann had a valid point about the profitability of a dying franchise. "Let me show you how you will make money from the store within the store."
"Fine..." She was hesitant, but couldn't do anything else until she found the statue and ended her turn. This was not an ideal place to be stuck for a while especially with the ladies' man leading her to a failing store. "Please tell me there is also a stone statue where we are going."
"I wouldn't be the best mayor if I hadn't sold the rest of this mall to two guys with mustaches." Artie remembered. "One was younger, one was older."
This wasn't very helpful as three of her competitors had full mustaches. One was definitely old, one looked young, and the last was somewhere in between. "Which players did you sell the other parts of the mall to... if you remember?"
Artie thought for a second as they entered Bed, Bath, and Beware. It was a store filled with random junk, most of which ends up as generic wedding registry gifts, and then regifted as white elephant gifts. The entire store seemed to be twenty percent off with the sale stickers being attached to anything not bolted down.
"My focus was subdividing this mall into three orange-group properties, so I didn't pay attention to the men who bought the properties." Artie was more interested in showing Luann the latest addition to the struggling store. "If I may direct your attention over yonder to our newest area: the Beauty Barn." It looked like any regular makeup counter, except this one was situated under a big red barn. "What do you think?"
Luann hated it. "If I'm being honest, I don't want my makeup put on by a farmer." It had that vibe, but she was worried about being turned into a clown. "If you are trying to sell me this property based on what I've seen, I may pass..."
"I'll make a deal with you." Artie started and Luann listened, as making deals with people was her idea of a good strategy. "If you buy this property, I'll be set free, and will have all the free time I need to get better businesses to move in. Deal?" She thought about it as Artie took her by the hand and led her behind the ugly barn. "Time to let the hologram do the talking."
The familiar stone statue was located behind the barn and Luann place the MyPad in its hands. The same green hologram appeared and started its speech. "Greetings and welcome to St. James Place. This is the only orange-group property remaining for purchase. It costs one hundred eighty dollars, and the price of a makeup consultation at our new Makeup Barn is fourteen dollars."
"Promise you will upgrade the barn?" Luann wanted to verify the agreement would be maintained. Artie nodded and Luann proceeded to press the Buy icon. "Please replace this barn with something classier.
"Please do." The green hologram agreed before disappearing.
She removed the MyPad and two pieces of paper printed below the statue's hands. The first one she had seen five other times, as this was her sixth Title-deed. The second paper spelled out her one hundred eighty dollar purchase, leaving her with six hundred sixty-four dollars.
Clearly, she was leading the pack with six properties and still had some cash to spend, but had nothing grouped together for a bigger advantage. She checked the MyPad and Ned hadn't replied to her trade offer.
"Well, my time here is finished, so I bid you adieu." Artie hurried the conversation. "My job as Mayor of the orange-group is complete. You and two others own this mall. My advice would be to try to own this entire mall. When you do..."
"Will a purple hologram tell me about potential shortcuts between floors." Luann had heard this before when the purple hologram described this procedure at the Hydroelectric Dam. "At least I have that going for me at the moment. I appreciate the advice..."
"Mom!" Came the annoying voice running into the store. "Mom! I found the food court, or the sign for it. I tried running up the escalator, but an invisible glass ceiling prevented me from getting anything to eat." Milhouse couldn't speak fast enough to get his thought into the atmosphere.
Artie took several steps towards the exit. "I'll let you spend some time with your son. Remember, you have to own adjoining properties... but you already know that. Until we meet again."
"Mom, I found you. This mall is so cool." He seemed more energetic now than earlier, and it made sense when he said why. "They opened another Starbucks here and gave out free coffee."
"That's the last thing you need. Anyways, I need to look up which property is adjacent to here so we can break the glass ceiling and get you to the food court..." She wanted to work her plan as familiar booms echoed outside. "Too bad those won't work. I could use a coffee break to think of a new strategy. Want to show me where this third Starbucks is?"
"Actually, it's the fourth one here." Milhouse grinned.
"No more Starbucks. I really hope Artie finds new tenants for this mall." She joined Milhouse as they started a journey for a free venti caramel macchiato mixed with almond milk and a dash of pumpkin spice, topped with frozen whipped cream and a cherry, inside a color changing collector's cup.
