Chapter 5

I Don't Know What I Knew Before


The next morning, Bonnie received a text from Elena. They were putting the boarding house in her name, and Stefan wasn't planning on going to school. Seeing as he was her usual ride, she needed a way there, so Bonnie agreed to drive her, but it wasn't without reluctance. Avoiding Elena, no matter how much she wanted to, was not an option. She would have to pretend, to play the part of best friend despite not wanting anything to do with her, so play pretend she would.

Bonnie looked back at her closet. Before she received the message, she'd already been in the middle of struggling to chose what to wear, so she threw something on as fast as she could, fixed her hair and make-up, and headed to the boarding house.

When she arrived ten-ish minutes later, her emotions frayed. Pulling up the gray concrete driveway made her unbearably nostalgic. The house was another thing that hadn't changed a bit, and the moment Bonnie stepped out of her car, she was flooded with memories of the past, with memories of Damon. This place was another home to her, would be another home, but for now she was a stranger to its looming walls.

With a deep breath, she steeled herself and walked up to the door. She knocked twice. Seconds later Elena answered it, motioning for her to come inside like she already owned the place. "Hey," her former best friend smiled, genuinely, sweetly. Bonnie forced herself to smile back. "I'm just about to sign the papers." Elena turned back around, leaving the door open for Bonnie to walk in behind her.

As she stepped in and closed the door, Bonnie tried to remember that this Elena was not her Elena, not yet anyway. She didn't deserve the cold shoulder Bonnie was inclined to give her. She had not yet said what she would say or done what she would do. They were still best friends.

In the future, however, they were far from it. Their relationship was complicated to say the least. Bonnie had, after all, taken the guy who was supposed to be the love of her life. And after she untethered Elena's life from hers, the doppelganger had not been happy to wake up and find her best friend and boyfriend together. The resulting argument tore their friendship to pieces, and it was crushed into even smaller pieces when she tried to make a move on Damon behind Bonnie's back. They were done after that, and though she'd had a smidgen of worry when it came to whether Damon still had feelings for his ex, he ultimately proved his loyalty and remained by her side.

She and Elena, however, had grown apart as a result, and they only saw each other through the events of mutual friends like Caroline and Alaric. At those events, both Bonnie and Damon were the bare minimum of cordial to her. Yet despite their strained relationship, Elena still invited them to the wedding when she found the third love of her life, and at Caroline's insistence, they attended. There, Elena tried to smooth things over with them, and Bonnie played nice while Damon deferred to her on the matter, not caring to be at the wedding or associate with Elena after the way she treated Bonnie.

They ended up not staying long. The ceremony had fortunately started on time and been short. She and Damon politely sat near the back, watched, and five minutes into the reception, they said their congratulations and left. Needless to say, it'd been pointless to go because nothing really changed after that. It remained awkward whenever they saw each other, and it was still awkward for Bonnie now. But that wasn't the only reason Bonnie wanted to avoid her.

Aside from reminding her of her future betrayal, seeing Elena also reminded Bonnie of how much her life had revolved around hers. That fact alone made her want to stay away from her, but that's not how things went. Bonnie had been willing to sacrifice everything for her and everyone else in Mystic Falls, and knowing she would have to pretend like she was okay with that reignited long-forgotten feelings of resentment.

She followed the doppelganger into the sitting room where the lawyer stood with the documents in hand. The brothers stood nearby, and Stefan said hello to her first. Bonnie responded, but her eyes brushed over his to land on Damon beside him. "Morning witchy," he said. His blue eyes zeroed in on hers, and every thought regarding Elena was gone. That tension inside her once again unwound a bit at the sight of him and the sound of his voice, but a desire to be closer coiled inside of her. It was as if she could feel every inch of space between them, and it was a conscious effort on her part not to move closer.

"Good morning." Her hand went to her hair, running through it to make sure nary a curl was out of place. She shifted on her feet.

When he looked away from her and towards Elena, she frowned, but allowed herself a glance at the rest of him. Her eyes ran down today's outfit. Not her favorite leather jacket of his, but her eyes lingered on the way the black shirt under the jacket spread across his chest just enough to hint at the muscle underneath. Her fingers itched to touch those muscles, to feel them twitch under her fingertips as she ran her hands across them, up his pectorals and around his neck as she buried her face in his warm chest. And as she did so, she would feel those strong arms would gently wrap around her in kind, his chin brushing against her temple ever so lightly.

Her chest tightened at the memory of being in his arms, and she raised her gaze to his face where he was still watching Elena talk with the lawyer.

Her chest tightened further, and her frown deepened.

"We'll be outside while you sign the papers," Stefan said, motioning for his brother to follow him.

They both left the house, closing the door behind them, and while the lawyer instructed Elena on where to sign, Bonnie wandered the rooms of the first floor. The heels of her short black boots clicked against the oakwood as she walked through the kitchen and back into the living room. Coming to a standstill in the center of the room, her fingers brushed along the sofa that held so many good memories.

She and Damon had watched many a movie there, and Bonnie had fallen asleep on him an inordinate amount of times. Whenever that would happen, he'd carry her up to her room or let her sleep on him until he fell asleep himself. If she closed her eyes, she could almost feel his lips brushing her forehead as he lifted her from the sofa, and her arms moving around his neck as she, half asleep, snuggled closer to him, burying her nose into his neck and inhaling the heady masculine scent of him.

Later, this would be one of the many places they had sex, but before her mind could wander into that dangerous territory, Elena called her name.

Bonnie returned to the sitting room and saw both brothers back inside the house. Elena started putting on her jacket.

"Wait, where are you going?" Stefan asked her.

"To school," Elena said as if it were obvious.

"Huh?" Stefan looked at her like she was dumb, and Damon held a similar expression though his had a tinge of exasperation.

"No, no, no. We didn't create a safehouse for you to leave it," the elder brother protested.

"Yeah, guys," Stefan made a disapproving expression towards both Elena and Bonnie, then turned to look at his brother as if to ask whether he could believe that she was saying this.

Damon also furrowed his brow with a wry look, but he conceded despite his disapproval. "Your way, Elena."

The way they both fussed over her irked Bonnie, and she folded her arms across her chest again. "Stop worrying. You're forgetting that if Klaus shows his face, I'm well equipped to handle him." Damon looked at her then and she met his gaze with a raise of her eyebrows, daring him to challenge her. He opened his mouth to say something, but Elena beat him to it.

"The way I see it, next to Bonnie is the safest place that I can be," she said.

Before either brother could respond, both girls turned to leave with the younger brother trailing after them. "Wait. I'm coming."


The first day back at school was surreal. She never imagined being a high schooler again, but the familiarity of it all was comforting in a way. School gave her something separate to focus on aside from the impeding confrontation with Klaus and everything else she was refusing to think about.

It was livelier than she remembered. There were so many people inside the parking lot and the building, so many familiar faces she once knew. Walking behind Stefan and Elena, she marveled at the environment like a tourist until they split from her and she had to find her locker.

Surprisingly, her memory of its location was clearer than she expected it to be, though she'd always remembered it was two doors down from Caroline's, and the blonde was already just down the hall, turning the dial on her own padlock.

At the sight of Caroline, a burst of happiness spread inside her chest. Seeing her best friend again put a genuine smile on her face. She was reaching into her locker when Bonnie came up beside her. The blonde vampire had barely turned towards Bonnie before she had her arms wrapped around her in a hug.

Wordlessly, Caroline squeezed her back, then let go. "God, I needed that. Between Matt finding out about vampires, then compelling him to forget about finding out about vampires and having to organize this dance, I've been struggling to keep it together."

"Care, even when you're not on top of things, you're on top of things. It's all going to come together." Bonnie opened up her own locker easily, surprising herself again with how she remembered the code. It had to be the memories of her younger self. It seemed everything she had once known up until the point she returned was still at the forefront of her mind, but beyond that point, her memories of her past or rather the immediate future, remained vague.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence." Caroline closed her locker, adjusting the strap of the backpack on her shoulder. Her blue-green eyes assessed her, reminding Bonnie of future Caroline, of the way she had looked at her when she came into her house and found her a disheveled mess after losing Damon. Some things never changed. "And what about you? Are you doing alright?"

"A little bit on edge, but I'm fine," she reassured.

Caroline nodded and glanced back down at Bonnie's outfit. "You look cute today, by the way."

"Thanks." Bonnie tugged at the edge of the long dark purple cardigan she wore over a simple black jersey dress, the only simple black dress she owned. It was a travesty, really. Nothing in her closet suited her tastes anymore. It had taken her half an hour to find something she even remotely liked.

"Do you have your outfit for the dance yet?" Caroline asked her.

Her smile faltered. Right, the sixties themed Decades Dance was coming up. "No, you?"

"I haven't had time to go shopping, but we should go this weekend. Make it a girls day or something."

"Sure." Bonnie agreed. Anything to take her mind off obsessing over Damon, worrying about the future, and keeping with the timeline. But at the same time, she knew she must've refused this proposal in the past before. Vaguely, she remembered getting a sixties themed dress from the thrift store on her own, but it shouldn't hurt to get a dress with Caroline instead, right?

As she was trying to convince herself the small change wouldn't matter, Elena and Stefan joined them from across the hall. "Did I hear something about shopping?"

"We're going shopping for dance this weekend. Are you coming with?" Caroline asked her.

Elena eyed Stefan who was obviously against the idea, then leaned into him. "Stefan was going to let me borrow something form some of his relatives' clothes he has stashed in the attic. But yeah, I'll tag along." Her boyfriend looked on with disapproval, probably thinking it was already bad enough that he'd agreed to let her come to school.

But she batted her doe eyes at him, and like putty in her hands, he caved. "Fine."

She grinned brightly, rewarding him with a kiss on the cheek. The corner of his mouth turned upward and he looked down on her with affection. It was strange to watch them be that way when the Stefan Bonnie knew was hopelessly in love with Caroline. She had forgotten how much he and Elena had once cared for one another, and how good they'd actually been for each other.

"So looking forward to some normal quality girl time. How's everything with Jenna by the way?" Caroline asked her.

Elena pursed her lips, her expression falling. "Still not good. She's still mad at me and Alaric for lying about Isobel being alive, and Alaric's been keeping his distance."

"I'm sure she'll come around." Caroline said, then she looked at the clock just as the bell rang. "Better get to class." She waved, disappearing down the hall.

Bonnie waved back and turned to walk in the opposite direction, leaving Stefan and Elena staring after her in the middle of the hallway. "Um, where are you going?" Elena asked her.

A few paces away from them, Bonnie stopped in her tracks and turned around. "What?"

Stefan tilted his head, regarding her with an arched eyebrow. "We all have math together."

She put on a sheepish smile. "Right, I completely spaced." It was odd. If she thought about her schedule, she could remember it, but a second ago, the only thing she'd been thinking about was acting like she knew where she was going.

Elena smiled at her. "Happens to the best of us," she said as she took Stefan's hand.

They walked ahead of her, and Bonnie's smile fell at their backs. She followed behind them, her hands resting on the straps of her bag as they moved through the slowly dissipating crowd of students headed to class.


The novelty of being back in high school wore off quick after the first homework assignment was assigned and she realized she would have to keep up her grades in the midst of the Klaus drama. Bonnie wondered how she was able to do it the first time around. It had to be nothing short of a miracle that she even managed to get through this year and the next.

School wasn't the only thing she had to focus on though. Her natural magic was sorely lacking, reduced to the raw state it'd been in when she was seventeen. In order to effectively use it, she needed to get it back up to the level it was before she time traveled into the past. Especially since her preferred type of magic was the traditional kind. Other forms of magic like sacrificial, representative, or even connective magic required more reliance on outside sources of energy. And relying on ancestral magic in particular was a recipe for disaster because the whims of dead witches changed with the wind. It was far better to be self reliant. Natural, traditional magic could be powerful if you had the magical energy to expend on it. Qetsiyah was a prime example of that, and Bonnie had at least reached the same level if not beyond that in the future. She needed to get back to it. There were some techniques and exercises she'd learned over the years to expand her magical capabilities and reach her latent potential, so Bonnie set out to do those after school every day, but she ran into an unexpected problem.

Whenever she tried to meditate, it was too hard to concentrate with the harnessed magic covering her own like a second layer. By Wednesday, she gave up on the endeavor, resolving to try again after she expended the last of the magic to bring Jeremy back from the dead.

In the meantime, she focused on getting ahead in her studies, spending time after school at The Grill, and trying to avoid and not avoid Jeremy at the same time. He wanted her to tell Elena about her possibly dying if she used the witches' magic to kill Klaus, and Bonnie was adamantly against it, putting them at odds with one another. As long as they were fighting about that, it was an easy excuse to not be around him.

On Friday afternoon, she was at The Grill for the third time that week. Jeremy was off, but Matt was working his shift and Caroline had come to visit him. She watched the two interact, Matt a bit stiffer than usual, and Bonnie knew that he still remembered Caroline was a vampire. It was a wonder Caroline hadn't noticed something was off with him, but then again, who would if they weren't looking for the signs. Matt was like her, pretty good at acting like everything was okay when it wasn't. She stared at them, trying not to let her attention go to the bar where she could sense her other half, but her efforts were futile.

Admittedly, he was the other reason she came to The Grill more often than she used to. Damon often frequented the place, whether it was to have drinks alone, with Alaric, or to find his next meal. Recently, it was more of the former two activities and while she did her homework, she would occasionally steal a glance or two at him. Okay, it was more than a glance or two, but it was hard enough ignoring the pull to approach him. Somehow, she thought the intensity of being drawn to him would fade the more she saw him, but it didn't seem to be going anywhere.

Every time, she would continue to feel that tension she carried loosen followed by a tug in his direction in tandem with an overwhelming sense of longing. She never experienced this before, but she wondered if maybe it had something to do with the bond Prairie had felt between her and Damon even after he'd been killed. Maybe there was more of a physicality behind it than she thought.

Her gaze raised to the bar where the object of her thoughts was drinking away, seated beside Alaric who, somewhere between this day and the dance next Friday, would get kidnapped and become possessed by Klaus. She resisted the urge to look back beside Alaric and planted her eyes back on the biology textbook in front of her. But Damon continued to distract her, her eyes going to him every once in a while, but more than usual. And every time she looked back at her biology textbook, the words on the page began to blur together as her thoughts went to remembering the better days of her life with him.

She couldn't help but wallow in the feelings those memories wrought, in the longing that stretched from heart to mind. She let herself feel it, let her chest tighten again because she missed him, because he was so close and yet so far, but she had enough sense not to become too overemotional. She had cried long and hard over losing him once and that was enough. So she merely let herself feel, and reminded herself that he would be hers again.

At that thought, she glanced in his direction once more, but this time he looked back. Bonnie's head snapped back down at her book, and she hoped against all odds that he hadn't just caught her staring. But the next time she looked up, Alaric was gone from the bar, and Damon was seated across from her. Having him so near with his full attention abated a small fraction of the pull she felt towards him, but it caused her heartbeat to speed up. She sat straighter and openly stared into his silvery blue eyes, looking as if he was bothering her because, really, he was, even if she liked him sitting across from her.

"Did you need something?" She asked him, twirling her pencil around her finger, a picture of calm.

"Did you?" He leaned forward, and her eyes flicked down to the glass in his left hand, probably filled with bourbon. "Or were you just admiring my good looks?"

Bonnie changed the subject, not answering his question because as much as she was tempted to play that game, it was a slippery slope. "Any Klaus news?" She asked him instead.

"Nope." He looked at her pointedly. "It'd be nice if we had someone who could witchy woo his location out of thin air."

His words cut at her. They were a distinct reminder that she was a tool to him, a means to an end, and playful sarcasm or not, his ungrateful attitude once again grated on her nerves. "Do you want me to waste the magic on finding Klaus or do you want me to be able to kill him?" Her tone was sharp enough to make him lean back in his seat.

His, on the other hand, was light, but his eyebrows had risen a centimeter, then lowered, a small divot appearing in the center of his forehead. "The latter would be preferable."

"That's what I thought." Bonnie didn't bother to hide the indignation in her voice.

"Someone woke up on the wrong side of bed today."

She lost her frown a bit and sighed. "If you didn't have a reason for coming over here, then now would be the time to leave." She ran a hand through her curls and looked back down at the book in front of her. Her fingers moved back down to her temples, and she massaged at them for a second before leaning her head into her hand. Damon ignored the invitation to leave her alone.

"You look stressed."

Bonnie's eyes darted back up to his. "With everything that's going on, aren't you?"

"That's what this is for." He lifted the glass of alcohol. His smile widened mischievously. "Want some?" He offered, the dare plain in his eyes.

He didn't expect her to take it from him. Bonnie was the goody-two shoes one, the straight-laced one. He had offered only to make her uncomfortable.

She rolled the corner of her lips between her teeth as her eyes moved down to the glass then back up at him.

Trying to corrupt me? The words, the flirtation was on the tip of her tongue, and she reached for the glass, stopping just short of brushing his fingers. Instead, she retracted her hand back to rest on the table. As she did, she watched the intrigue pass over his face and sat back in her seat.

"I shouldn't," she said. It was a bad idea to mess with his expectations of her. That aside, she definitely never had this conversation with Damon in the past, and she shouldn't be having it now. She needed to keep her distance from him. But it was too late, the damage was already done in the mere act of reaching for it.

He leaned forward, eyes running down to her chest and back up before taking on a hooded look with something akin to playfulness, and the way his voice lowered slid straight under her skin. "You know, there are other ways to de-stress."

Did he just…? Heat spread across her cheeks as she tried not to think about what he meant, but images of them yet to come flashed in her head, of him on top of her, sliding his perfect dick inside her with pure, unadulterated need in dilated blue eyes. Her heartbeat picked up speed again, warmth spreading low in her stomach. She thumbed the edge of her notebook and planted a frown on her face, but her attempt to appear unaffected didn't entirely succeed. She was certain he could sense the blood that had risen to her cheeks and hear the way her heart rate had risen if he'd been listening for it.

She held his gaze and blinked.

The proposition wasn't entirely serious, she knew. Could tell from the look in his eyes that he wanted a reaction more than anything, but if she said yes, he probably wouldn't be adverse to actually following through. And god was she tempted to say yes despite him being an asshole earlier. "Don't you have somewhere you need to be, something you need to be doing?" She said, trying to get him to leave again.

After a split second's hesitation, he took the cue this time, standing up, and just like that the moment was gone. His smirk, however, was still wide, letting her know that he had been listening. "Later, judgey. Let me know if you change your mind."

As soon as he was gone, she mumbled a curse under her breath, noticing he left the tumbler on the table. She picked it up, and downed the rest, the brown liquid running down smooth and warming her insides. She rested her head in both hands. What was she doing? None of that had happened in the past. She couldn't let herself get caught up in the moment like that again.

She bit her lip, spreading her hands across the textbook in front of her. One little conversation wouldn't completely change the future though, would it? Was the butterfly effect still a thing? With Bonnie already not remembering everything exactly, this was the sort of questioning she didn't like to think about. But she was imagining it now, and maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to have a back up plan in case things somehow went to shit.


The weekend came and Bonnie went shopping with Elena and Caroline. They handled their outfits for the Decades Dance first, heading to the thrift store to search for something with a sixties vibe. Bonnie found the same dress she had worn before, but her eyes were drawn to a white shirt dress with black polka dots hanging from another rack. When Caroline saw her holding it up to herself in the mirror, she practically ordered her to try it on. It fit pretty well and flattered her shape, tapering in around her waist and flaring out from the hip with the hem stopping at her knees. Both Caroline and Elena approved when they saw and she bought that dress instead of the one she'd originally worn.

Caroline, on the other hand, wasn't having any luck looking for a Jackie-O-esque suit that fit her taller frame, so they ended up at the mall after Bonnie purchased the dress and a few other things from the thrift store.

While they were in the mall, Bonnie had no intentions of buying anything else, but when she was brushing her fingers along a pretty red sundress, Elena coerced her to try it on, and Bonnie, loving the dress, gave in. Things turned into a bit of a shopping spree after that, and Bonnie took full advantage of her father's credit card.

Elena tried to help her choose as Caroline perused the racks to look for her dance outfit, but Bonnie often ended up choosing things Elena didn't expect. In the future, Caroline had once called her style sophisticated dark feminine chic with a hint of vintage flare, but what she felt like wearing outside of her job often changed on the daily and didn't always fit into that box. She did love a good suit though, but she tried to keep in mind that she was still in high school and stayed away from the blazers and pencil skirts, regretfully ignoring a beautiful Calvin Klein suit that'd been calling her name. Instead, she brought dark, saturated, not so modest tops, dresses, form fitting skirts and jeans that hugged her ass just right. And slowly, every time she bought something, she felt more and more like herself.

The whole thing was therapeutic, and Bonnie could honestly say she enjoyed hanging out with both Caroline and Elena. Once she allowed herself to let go of some the anger she still harbored towards Elena, she was able to genuinely smile with both of them more than she thought she'd be able to, and somehow, despite the threat of Klaus hanging over their heads, they enjoyed themselves as if everything was normal.

She treasured the moment. Times likes these between all three of them were nonexistent in the future. And being around Elena like this reminded her of why they'd been friends in the first place. It didn't help though, that in the back of her mind, she was worried. Throughout their time together, as they pretended like the original vampire wasn't after Elena's life, Bonnie still contemplated ways to make sure she didn't derail the timeline or to fix it if she did.

When they were done, Bonnie dropped Caroline at home, then swung by the boarding house to do the same for Elena. Stefan was there to meet her at the door, giving Bonnie a curt nod before they both disappeared inside. As she got out of the car, Bonnie had told Elena that she was going to go home, but that was a lie. She headed off in a different direction, towards Wickery Bridge where Elena's parents had died.

Bonnie's main problem was her lack of memory regarding the past. The obvious fix-it to her problem would have been to find a memory spell that would allow her to remember her past with accuracy. The day before, however, after going to The Grill, she'd searched through the grimoires she'd procured from the Martins as well as the ones she already had, and they turned up nothing. The only spell of the sort she found had something to do with accessing the memories of her bloodline which wasn't exactly what she was looking for and required the blood of three generations, impossible ingredients for Bonnie to acquire. If only she'd paid more attention to the ingredients Prairie had used in the herbal drink she gave her to heighten her memories, she might've been able to alter the spell to suit her needs, but then again maybe not. Experimenting with spells wasn't exactly a good idea at the moment, especially if those spells involved messing with the mind.

With wariness towards using her own magic because of the witches also being a problem, it hadn't taken Bonnie long to think of just what she needed as an alternate insurance policy against the future veering off course and it would be so easy to get it. Being the only one who had knowledge of its existence was an advantage she hadn't expected, and with it, she could honestly end Klaus the moment he came into town. Killing him wasn't an option at all though, not when his sire line included Damon, Caroline, and Stefan, and his death would result in theirs. But Klaus, as far as she knew, didn't know that, and if push came to shove, she could always threaten to kill Elijah who was still daggered in the basement of the boarding house or any of his other siblings once they were in play.

Bonnie pulled her car over to the side of the road beside the old bridge.

One day, in the near future, it would be set on fire by one of the Originals to prevent anyone from being able to use it because it was made from the same white oak that was a part of the spell to create the Originals.

Consequently, it was the only thing that could kill them.

The bridge wasn't all wood though. It was mainly the railing and the underpinnings, and the only other thing made of wood was the sign marking it.

If she remembered correctly, it was the sign Damon had used to make the white oak stakes after Rebekah had burned the bridge down. It was probably best to leave that intact, so she chose to use a piece of the railing instead. Closing her eyes, she placed her hands on the wood and imagined it severing in the space between her palms. Instead of her own magic, she could hear the witches still whispering on the wind, wondering as their power assisted her in her efforts. When the wood cracked and a small part of the railing snapped off, Bonnie blocked off the witches from her mind again and carried the piece of the railing back to her car. After she returned home, she put her huntress skills to use and used some of her father's old tools to manually saw it into smaller pieces. She spent some time carving the pieces into stakes, took one to keep close at hand, and decided to hide the rest in places throughout Mystic Falls. This, at least, gave Bonnie a little peace of mind.

And hopefully, it would be enough for now.


A/N: Thanks for reading and a late Happy New Year to everyone!

Chapter title from "Feel it All" by Feist.