hello, hello! welcome to standing at the crossroads, the third and final part to the superior series. we are now entering your life in attack on titan. if you'd like to access your backstory, click my profile above and check out summer rain and silent storms. you don't have to read them in order to enjoy this story, but it will help you understand references to the past and reader herself. now, let's begin.

"This is so unfair, Captain!"

Not even paying attention to your complaints as he dons his cloak, Levi mutters, "No, it's not."

"Yes, it is! I should be coming with you today!"

Deep down, you know it's futile. You know in your heart that you're in no position to be riding horseback or swinging around swords. In fact, the infirmary nurse recommended that you sleep the day away, but you can't stand the idea of your squad going on an expedition without you. There's far too many risks involved. Maybe Eld will need someone to help him, but when he turns around there will be no one there and he'll end up meeting his doom. Your going could prevent his death, or anyone else's. That's the whole idea—if you can't be with them, fighting shoulder to shoulder and watching their backs, then what's the point of being in the squad at all?

Levi doesn't respond, only continues to get ready, double checking his blades and gear. It infuriates you to see him ignore you so easily. Six whole years you two have known each other, and the man still has the audacity to treat you like you're just a fly buzzing around in his office waiting to be swatted. Well, you're not having it today.

"Captain." You stand in front of him, blocking his path to the door. "Give me one valid reason that I can't go."

He sighs, beyond exasperated. "You're ill."

"My throat isn't sore anymore!" you protest, gesturing to your general neck area.

"Okay, red eyes."

"Oh come on, I've recovered!"

"Alright." Levi moves on easily—apparently there's no shortage of reasons you can't go on the expedition. "Your arm is injured."

He's unfortunately right, due to a training accident that Gunther had apologized profusely for. You'd forgiven him then, but you're much more pissed off now that you realize what it entails. Okay, it was both your faults, and your slight competitive nature is probably going to kill you one day, but that doesn't matter right now. What matters now is convincing your captain that you're fit for duty.

Waving it around carelessly, you demonstrate how painless you feel. "Look, I can move it just fine!" Of course, there's a slight tinge of pain, but Levi doesn't need to know that.

He gives you a deadpan look. "Back pain."

You pout. "I always have back pain, that's nothing new."

"(F/N). You're not going. Drop it."

Normally the authoritative tone would leave you either teasing him or obeying him instantly, depending on the situation. But you're so frustrated that this time it's neither—instead, you cross your arms and glare at him fiercely. As he crossly returns your gaze, you realize that your bloodshot eyes are probably keeping him from taking you too seriously, and your glare deepens.

The two of you hold for five seconds, neither willing to break away. It's Levi who finally flicks your forehead, causing your head to throb before turning away from you to adjust the straps on his legs for the nth time. To anyone else, the move is harmless, just a light stinging feeling that can be easily moved on from. But to you and your raging headache, you know it's his way of telling you that if a simple motion like that can make the pain act up, you definitely do not belong anywhere near the field.

Scowling at the not so subtle message, you stalk over to the desk where his satchel is, opening it to make sure he has everything he needs. Already your mind is racing, imagining various scenarios in which he could hurt himself or die, or where someone on the squad could get badly injured. Flashes of disturbing imagery rush through you all at once, and it takes Levi grabbing your chin and forcing you to face him that finally snaps you out of it.

"Hey," he mutters, knowing exactly the dark place your mind has gone to, "cut that out, and go the fuck to sleep. If I find out you were running around doing errands, I'll put you on stable duty for the rest of your goddamn life. Got that?"

While you're not completely certain that the threat isn't an empty one, you still find it in yourself to be defiant, peering at him with sad, pouty eyes. "You don't even want me to go see everyone off?"

"Shit, (L/N), have you taken a good look at yourself lately? You look like you're about to pass out. Go back to the barracks and go to sleep. That's an order."

That's an order. These words are Levi's way of saying that he is not talking to you as your lover, but as your captain who has neither the time nor patience to coddle you. You wholly prefer this approach, it is far better than him trying to placate you like you're some random frenzied woman. It's still ridiculously frustrating, though, because he knows that you have no room left to argue when he phrases it like that. You've lost this fight, and you both know it.

Handing him his satchel, you admit defeat silently and sullenly, refusing to meet his eyes.

He cups your chin again, once more your caring lover of sorts, and tilts your head back up to meet his gaze. The dichotomy of his harsh words and the concern for you dancing in his eyes makes everything all the worse, knowing that he doesn't really want to do this and doesn't derive any pleasure from benching you during a major expedition.

"Try not to worry," he requests softly. As though it's that easy. As though your thoughts won't be plagued all day by all the awful situations your squad could find themselves in, situations in which a single person could have made all the difference. As though there wasn't a chance that one of them or some of them or all of them might not come back, including him.

But still, you know that it'll be easier for Levi not to worry if he knows you're not anxiously awaiting his return, and the last thing you want is for him to be distracted. This is the first time you haven't gone with him outside the walls since you joined his squad three years ago, and it's already bound to have a bit of an effect on the group since they're not used to it. You don't need to poison your captain's thoughts on top of it all.

So you give him your best smile, the one you know puts him at ease and makes him feel safe, and despite how weak it is you're able to lie through your teeth and say, "I won't. You should get going."

He graces you with a few more seconds of gently caressing your skin, then regretfully pulls his hand away and brushes past you, exiting the office. The sound of the door closing echoes in your heart, and you're left standing there alone.

It's moments like these—moments where you feel both that he's the other half of your soul, the missing piece that makes you whole, and at the same time that you're separated from him by a large crowd that will never part—that you realize how tragic of a relationship this truly is. You're never allowed to care about him too much, lest you cross the line that the two of you never verbally set, but was implied somewhere along the way. You can never share your happiness, the pure bliss you experience when you get to be with him, with a single soul, not unless you want to make this all too real. The secrecy provides the relationship with a much needed reminder that things don't get to be fair. You know Levi must despise the idea of people coming up to him to offer their condolences should you ever die. You hate the idea too, both of being remembered as only his lover and nothing more, and of the opposite possibility, where people come to you and console you over your beloved's passing.

Yes, the way you two are managing this right now is the only way, and you wouldn't change it or trade it for anything. Tragic as it is, you get to be with Levi, hold him close and kiss him and talk to him and all that good shit. Still, that doesn't mean you can't dream of another world, one in which you could have had all that and more.

Perhaps you do need to sleep. Maybe then these annoying thoughts will evaporate. You've made your peace with this life, with your choices, and if given the chance to repeat it all you would go down the exact same path, maybe do it even quicker.

With that somewhat comforting assurance in mind, you make your way out of the office, and towards the female barracks, already thinking about the soft pillows that you custom ordered for yourself and Petra waiting just a couple of doors away.


A scream is what awakens you.

Your eyes snap open and you wake up with a gasp. Disturbing dreams are nothing uncommon, not with your occupation, but—but you're almost certain that what you'd heard had not been a part of your dream. It sounded like it was coming from somewhere nearby instead of from your subconscious.

Immediately, your sleepy confusion gives way to panic.

Rushing out of bed, you grab your uniform jacket and throw it over your shoulders as you dash out. The light shining through the window gives away that it's been a good few hours now since you gave in to the sweet throes of sleep. Even on the unluckiest of days, the Scout regiment never returns so soon, so if someone screamed, surely it wasn't because they gazed upon the horrifying state of someone you knew. It couldn't be.

The sight that greets you when you get to the entrance of the base is pure, unfiltered, terrifying chaos.

Soldiers being carted in, some on the brink of death and others in just a little less worse shape. Soldiers crying, holding their heads in their hands with looks of despair in their eyes. You've seen hopelessness, up close and personal, but never on this level. In fact, the only time you've ever seen such a large group of soldiers look so entirely defeated is when—

Your blood runs cold. No. No. No. It can't be. Wall Rose can't have—

"No!" comes a bloodcurling shriek from one of the women. She's squirming in the grasp of one of the nurses, reaching out for something beyond your sight. "No, she's not dead! She was stll breathing when we brought her in, she's not fucking dead!"

As others rush to restrain her, everything around you fades into a complete haze.

This kind of chaos can only mean that the worst has finally come to pass. You realize that at the same time that you realize the emblems on the blur of orange around you are composed entirely of roses and swords, and that you are the only person here who has the wings of freedom plastered on your arm.

Morbidly, you wonder if that means you get to represent your entire regiment for whatever's left of humanity to see.

Oh shit. Oh shit.

You turn on your heel, now running towards the supply unit. Your gear sits pristine on the otherwise empty shelf designated for Captain Levi's special operations squad. What a time for this to happen! When neither Humanity's Strongest Soldier nor the commander of the Survey Corp are here to save the world, and the only member of the Scouts here is you, entirely unprepared and underqualified for such a task.

Quickly, with practiced fingers, you yank the belts on in distress, squeezing way too tight at times in your haste. You hurriedly slip into your ODM gear and then run back out, prepared to stand with the Garrison until you can evacuate every man, woman and child behind Wall Sina, humanity's only hope. If you are lucky enough to live, this will be your first time returning to the safe haven since you left it so many years ago.

The first time this happened plays in your head like a hymn. Shadis hadn't hesitated—he'd ordered the Scouts back immediately, while you, just a fresh sapling of a cadet at the time, had been herded behind Wall Rose, the very wall that has now failed you.

Or perhaps not.

As you run outside, weaving past soldiers at every step, you can't see any apparent open spot on the wall, at least not in the area you're looking in. Titans are not pouring in and devouring everything in sight, but clearly the Garrison did have to fight them, so where…

Oh, no. Not Trost. Not the city that's dearest to you. You don't want to believe it.

But it makes sense. That's exactly what had happened last time. The Colossal Titan had first broken through Shiganshina, and only after that had the Armored Titan plunged through Wall Maria. Which means that it's only a matter of time before Rose falls too, and that no one here is truly safe. Everyone has to evacuate now. Goddammit, why can't you find any senior officer to report to?

Grabbing the arm of the closest person to you, you desperately ask, "Commander Pyxis. Where is he?"

"H-he hasn't arrived yet!" the man, a Garrison soldier, squeaks, intimidated by how hard you're squeezing him. You loosen your grip, but the look of terror doesn't leave his eyes. "Captain Weilman is in charge at the moment!"

"Well, where is he?"

"He's dealing with the threat!"

"The threat?" You shake your head, trying to make sense of what he's saying. "He's out there fighting? Were evacuation efforts really that unsuccessful?"

"N-no, ma'am!" He's caught sight of what regiment you're in, or perhaps he recognizes you. Either way, you're grateful that he's getting to the point without asking why the hell you're asking - you really don't have the time to explain that you'd actually slept through this and that no one woke you because no one bothered to check the Scout dormitories since they naturally assumed everyone left. "Evacuation has been successful. But they're saying one of the cadets is a threat, they've got him cornered by the wall over there!"

You can't have heard that right. A cadet? With the literal fate of humanity hanging in the balance, Weilman was choosing to focus on a cadet? It doesn't make sense, it sounds like the kind of joke you'd tell and only you would find funny. You're about to ask more questions, but the man runs off in a hurry. It looks like you'll have to find answers yourself.

Hooking your blades into the house in front of you, you fly up, ignoring the cry that you hear of someone telling you to stay put. They can follow you if they really want to get in your way and try their hand. Right now, you have to find out just what the actual hell the senior brass is thinking. From here, you can kind of make out the scene by the wall, almost a hundred soldiers standing in proper formation against—

Against three children.

God, what in the name of Maria is going on?

You zip through structures, finally landing behind the miniature army that Weilman has formed for himself. You can see him, Captain Rico Brzenska by his side. So he's calling the shots, and the order he chooses to give is to point cannons at fellow soldiers instead of at the titans. And Rico and the others actually listened? It's official, they've all lost it.

Now that you're closer, you can see the faces of the apparent criminals. Two of them are kneeling down, one blonde and the other brunette. The brown-haired boy looks frail and tough at the same time, as though he's just fought an entire war all by himself but is still ready to go for more. The blonde looks anxious, naturally, since it looks like him and his cohort are public enemies number one, two and three in the eyes of the Garrison. And standing in front of them is a black-haired girl with a red scarf wrapped around her neck, with her blades drawn. At the sight of her, a sense of familiarity flares up inside you, insisting that you know this girl, but you can't for the life of you place where you've seen her.

Her feet are planted firmly on the ground, and looks as though she's ready to fight anyone who comes towards her.

This is madness. You have to put a stop to this.

Before you get the chance, Weilman shouts in a high-pitched, terrified tone. "Cadets Eren Jaeger, Mikasa Ackerman, and Armin Arlert! The three of you have jointly committed an act of high treason! Whether or not a swift execution is the result depends on you! Any attempt to move from where you stand now, anything I deem the least bit suspicious, will be met with cannon fire! Do not test me! Answer carefully! Eren Jaeger, what exactly are you? Human, or titan?"

What?

From his kneeling position, the brunette, Eren Jaeger, whose name is the only one you caught, screams back, equally fearful, "I'm sorry, sir! I don't understand!"

Okay, enough is enough. You need someone to explain to you what is going on right the hell now. Weilman continues to scream gibberish, but you shove past several shoulders, now angry. Fear has given way to furiousness. The commanding officer is talking nonsense, and no one is saying anything, so you'll say something. You walk past the crowd until you're directly behind him, and then clear your throat. Rico doesn't turn and neither does Weilman, but someone else does—Captain Ian Dietrich, you've met him enough times to recognize him instantly, and him you.

"Lieutenant (L/N)?" Ian looks surprised; of course he does, you're not supposed to be here. "But I thought you rode out—"

"I was left behind. Long story. Can you please explain to me why in the everloving hell Captain Weilman just asked that boy if he was a titan?"

Any other time, you would certainly have far more respect for someone who ranked above you. Any other time, when humanity wasn't on the brink of immediate extinction.

He curses under his breath. "Look, the situation is complicated—"

"Captain, please! Isn't Trost lost? What the hell are we all just doing here, standing around? We should be anticipating an attack from the Armored Titan! We don't have time to laze around and spew meaningless questions at harmless boys!"

"I understand your frustration, (L/N), but it's not meaningless." Ian shoots a glare towards the brunette, whose face is growing paler by the second as Weilman screams at him. "That boy is a titan possessing a human body. He emerged from the nape of a titan carcass not too long ago, with several eyewitnesses."

Well, that explanation clears up absolutely fucking nothing. If Ian expects you to throw your hands up in the air and thank him for his clarification that has suddenly made you understand everything in this entire universe or question why you went to school as a child when you could have just come to Captain Ian fucking Dietrich for your education, he is sorely mistaken.

"Titans…" you begin slowly, a bit of hysteria creeping into your voice. "Can't turn into people, Captain."

"This one can. Or it's the other way around, and the boy somehow turned into a titan. We're trying to figure out what to—"

"Excuse me!" A sharp, fierce voice rings out around the area, drawing everyone's attention to the now very dangerous looking red-scarfed girl. "I wouldn't. Not while I'm standing here. Unless anyone's feeling up to the task, in which case...well, I'm happy to demonstrate my own technique. On you. And every last inch of your traitorous flesh."

Another pang of deja vu. You've met this girl before. But where?

Ian turns away from you to tell Weilman something, while you step up next to Rico and look the girl dead in the eye, fists clenching as you glare daggers at her and her friends. Your mind is going a mile a minute. If this Eren Jaeger is actually a titan or vice versa, as impossible as that is to wrap your head around, it does indeed make him an enemy. A very dangerous enemy, if he can cloak himself up so innocently.

What's the play here? What are they going to do? What will the Garrison do?

You're not one to throw praises of Commander Erwin in his face, but shit, you'd feel so much more safer if he was the one leading the charge right now. Hell, Pyxis used to be your commander and you'd follow him into battle any day. Weilman is not your preferred choice of a leader.

"One more time! Are you a human being or a titan?"

There is a heavy, pregnant pause, and then:

"I'm human!" the brunette roars, eyes wide as saucers.

Well, damn, there's the answer, loud and clear for everyone to hear. It's the Garrison's move now.

You covertly slip a blade into one of your holsters, still eyeing the girl with the red scarf. Something about her reminds you of Levi - in the sense that she will not need any more than a second to react. Her posture tells you that she is entirely in tune with her surroundings, ready to strike at any moment. You may not be a fan of how Weilman is running the show, but you'll hardly be looking at a promotion should you choose to let him get run through by a sword.

Behind her, Eren Jaeger's eyes are still wide open, filled with what looks like genuine desperation. He seems shocked by his own declaration, and you have no idea what to make of that. It's almost as though he doesn't even believe himself, implying that he's as much a victim in this as the countless people his kind have slaughtered. God, if titans can turn into humans, then who knows how many of them are living amongst you, gathering your secrets and learning your weak points.

And finally, the blonde standing next to him is almost shaking in fear. You can see his hands tremble even from here, but his eyes are only for his two friends, not any of the countless soldiers pointing their weapons at him. It's their move he's watching, their move that decides what his next move will be. For now, all he can do is tremble, and wait for the command like the rest of you.

The grounds chill with the clear and present tension. Everyone waits, tense, for the pin to drop.

And then Weilman whispers, "So you say."

Your attention snaps to him immediately.

"I'm left with no choice," the man continues, and for the first time you notice that he looks even more terrified than the people he's pointing cannons at. "Forgive me."

"Wait!" you cry. "But -"

Too late. Captain Weilman's hand is in the air. He looks extremely scary himself at this moment. So paranoid that he'd already decided his next course of action, with no real care as to what the answer was. He's out to kill, and as much as you sympathize, you're also relatively close to Hange Zoe, and it's the mental image of her furiously screeching how could you just kill such a rare specimen without letting me study it first! that has your own hand shooting out.

Another hand grabs your wrist tightly, and Rico snarls, "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

"Captain! You can't—!"

Boom.

The cannonball soars through the air, and at the same time that you shriek, something else happens.

With a crackle of lightning, there is suddenly a horrifying creature where the three cadets once stood, one red-muscled hand shooting up to catch the cannonball. A high-level explosion blasts across the grounds, sending everyone back one or two steps. You bring an arm up to cover the dust that blasts towards your eyes, lids shutting tightly as screams and groans erupt all around you.

You shudder, and then blink once, then twice.

The scene in front of you is wild beyond any dream your brain has ever conjured. Even the strange dream of Gunther being chased by Mike with a feather duster could not compare to this.

Covering your line of sight is a titan.

It's not like any titan you've ever seen before. And, you realize with a start, that's because it is merely the skeleton of a titan, gaping and frightening, glaring at everyone in sight.

With another start, you realize that Eren Jaeger did this.

Ho-ly. Fuck.

Weilman is shouting orders in a panic, screaming for people to keep their distance and be ready for it to attack. However, the titan-skeleton-human-mutant-thing is not attacking. It's just...watching. And then, in a flame of hot steam, it begins to evaporate, extremely slowly. Because of the smoke, no one can see the three mutineers.

Still, it doesn't take long before Rico is stepping back up to her position. "We're ready, sir. What are your orders for the next attack?"

"What next attack?" You turn on her angrily, pointing to the decaying monster. "What are your cannons going to do against that, Captain?"

"I'm sorry," she says coldly, "I wasn't talking to you, Lieutenant. As it is, you are not in any leadership position here. In the absence of the Scouts, you listen to us."

You take one step towards her, ready to fight back, but catch yourself at the last second. She's absolutely correct. No matter what you think, whether you support the Garrison or vehemently disagree with them, they are in charge and you are theirs to order around however they want. Hell, even in the Scouts, you don't have the jurisdiction to bark orders at random people. And while you've always been more...interesting than most people when it comes to obeying direct orders, you have never outright disobeyed. So far, you've taken great pride in being a good soldier.

Does that change today?

As you bite your tongue and settle for a hard scowl, Rico moves right past you and motions to the officers standing above. You turn your glare to Ian, who sighs, placing his hands up. His expression is classic, typical of a man who thinks he needs to calm down a hysterical woman.

But you're not hysterical. As far as anyone else is concerned, you are handling this remarkably well for someone who woke up with an ongoing raging headache and sprained arm, not to mention the constant motherfucking back pain, and found out that there was a titan disguised as a human residing in the fucking military!

For Maria's sake (Rose's sake, actually), you're not telling anyone not to kill the titan-boy-mutant-thing, just not to kill it yet.

"Artillery crew has reloaded, Captain. It's your call, sir."

You tense up, looking from Rico to Weilman, and decide to take the diplomatic approach.

"Captain," you plead, this time looking at Weilman alone, "please, consider what you're doing! If you provoke him, then he might go on a rampage inside the wall! Let's try to talk—"

"I will not be coerced by the likes of you!" he spats, getting up in your face, forcing you to take a few steps back. "I have every right to deal with this threat as I see fit!"

"And what if you're making a mistake, have you considered that? Sir, this could be revolutionary!"

"(L/N)—"

"I told you to back off—"

"But Major Hange can—"

"She isn't here, get that through your thick skull! You aren't outside the walls!"

"I know that! But—"

"So then why are we even entertaining this? You have no authority in this situation!"

In the midst of everyone's bickering, a sudden clunking sound is heard from the dust, and your attention along with everyone else's is brought to the blonde, exiting the safety of the smoke and entering the fray, his hands shielding his face protectively, having discarded his ODM gear and now standing completely defenseless.

So this is the move they've decided to play.

"Halt!" Weilman cries, as several of the soldiers take aim. "Is this supposed to be your true form, monster? I don't buy it! I'll give the signal to fire, I mean it!"

Even as you're about to tell him that no the hell he won't, the blonde declares, "Eren is not a foe of humanity! We're willing to cooperate with military command and share everything we've learned about his power!"

"Your pleas fall on deaf ears! He revealed his true form, and because of that threat he cannot leave here alive! If you insist he's not an enemy of ours, show me proof! Otherwise we'll blast him back to whatever nightmare he crawled out of!"

"You don't need any proof!" the blonde insists despairingly. "The fact of the matter is, it doesn't matter what we perceive him to be! The reports say hundreds of soldiers saw him, and those who were there say they saw him fighting other titans! And that means they saw him get swarmed by the titans as well. To put it plainly, the titans saw him the same way they see each and every human being, as their prey! And it doesn't matter how else you may look at it. That is an irrefutable fact!"

Well, that's quite an interesting tidbit no one has seen fit to inform you of thus far. Human-titan-cadet-thing is on your side? But that makes killing him all the worse! If some freaky abnormal wants to wage war against its own kind, then you should all be rejoicing at this, goddammit. You have your reservations, sure, you'll have to see it to believe it, but if what the blonde is saying is true, then this could be quite literally the greatest thing that has ever happened to humanity.

Weilman, unfortunately, does not share your sentiment.

"Prepare to attack! Don't let yourself be swayed by his cunning lies! The titans' behavior has always been beyond our comprehension, I wouldn't put it past them to assume human form. He's speaking our language, i-in an attempt to deceive us! I refuse to let them continue this behavior unchecked!"

Your teeth are gritted, your hand is on your sword, and you are wildly aware of the fact that if you don't attack when you're told to, then you will join these three as traitors to humanity. Never mind who's right and who's wrong, they are going to die, and anyone who helps them will die too.

The blonde looks at Weilman, then at you, then back towards his friends as the smoke clears. He is out of time. They are all out of time.

But you suppose that doesn't mean he can't go out without a bang.

His fist hits his chest at once, calling to you. His salute, so genuine. His stance, firm. His eyes, wild, not with fear, but rather with a crazed passion.

"I am a soldier! And I have dedicated my heart to the restoration of humanity, sir! Nothing could make me prouder than dying for such a noble cause! If we were to use his titan ability, and combine it with the manpower we have left, I believe we could do it! We could retake this city! For humanity's glory, in what little time I have left to live, I will advocate his strategic value!"

Gaping in disbelief, you can only watch him as surprised murmurs ripple across the grounds, your thoughts competing inside your head to take priority over each other. Out of all the chaos, out of everything you're thinking about, one thing stands out the most. Taking back Trost...is a possibility? No, a chance. Once you'd stared at this wall, and your best friend had wondered if humankind would ever be given an ace, and now it's finally here. Eren Jaeger is humanity's ace. The war doesn't have to be pointless. There is a way forward, a way for all the people you love to possibly live.

Armed with this revelation, you make your choice.

"Captain Weilman!" Ian looks at the man, whose pupils are completely feral, and it only scares you slightly. "Please, listen to—"

"Quiet!" he roars at him.

His hand begins to rise.

Alright, screw diplomacy.

In a flash, your blade is out, pointed at the maniac-in-chief. Just as quickly, Captain Rico is also armed, and you curse yourself for not acting sooner. It seems Rico anticipated your next move even before you did.

"Drop it," she snaps, no room for argument. "Don't be stupid, (L/N)."

"I can't let you do it." There is no hesitancy in your voice, which surprises you. "He said we could take back Trost!"

"He'll say anything to save his own skin!"

Weilman's hand is frozen midair as he looks at you, wide-eyed. Behind him, Ian is silently pleading for you to lower your weapon, while Rico grits her teeth and threateningly stares you down. As much as you dislike her at this moment, you notice that even she looks like she'd rather not go down this road. You can't be completely sure, but there must be other people now pointing their weapons at you as well.

Taking a quick scan of all the soldiers surrounding you, you make some quick observations. Almost no one looks like they're entirely confident in what they're doing, the blonde's words have clearly gone to everyone's heads. However, only a few have lowered or dropped their swords, eyes either trained on the blonde or on the little spectacle you've created. You can't realistically expect someone else to come to your aid right now—these are Garrison soldiers, of course they're going to obey the orders of the Garrison senior officers, and whether that's out of fear or genuine loyalty doesn't really matter. You don't blame them (not everyone has dealt with Commander Erwin and Major Hange's unconventional plans for three years), but the realization that you are severely outnumbered falls on you rather depressingly. There is no way you will come out on top in a fight.

Time to switch tactics, then.

You slam your blade back inside the housing. Rico looks relieved, but only for a second. Before Weilman can move so much as a finger, you are running into the open grounds. The blonde gasps as you spin on your heel, back to him, facing down your own comrades. More blood rushes to your head at the sight of the cannon, ready to fire, but you're not going to waver.

"(L/N)! Stand down immediately! This is treason!"

"Yeah, m'aware." You mutter this under your breath, a little more than slightly regretful at how terrible this day has turned out to be. "Go ahead and fire!"

"I'll do it!" Weilman screams. "Don't think I won't!"

"Then do it!" You snarl at him, pointing a single finger. "And then you can explain to Captain Levi why you blew his subordinate to pieces!"

The fear is palpable on almost everyone's faces—that is not a conversation anyone wants to have. No one knows of your relationship, of course, but they do have a fair idea that the famed soldier and his lieutenant are very fond of each other, and that it would be truly terrifying to have to look Levi in the face and explain why you're splattered all over Wall Rose.

But unfortunately, it looks like the fear of titans inside the walls is greater.

The dreaded hand shoots up into the air.

"Shit," you hiss frantically, turning around. "Get out of the way, all of you! Now!"

You know they won't make it in time. Even if Eren Jaeger could conjure up another titan, he wouldn't be able to save his friend, who is too far away and is standing unprotected.

Your legs move on their own, skidding towards him. You have no idea if jumping over him will keep him from an early grave, you don't know if you'll make it to him in time, shit, you don't know anything anymore. But better you than him.

If he survives, if they all survive, they can escape, and they can take back what was stolen.

It looks like the last thing you will ever see will be the cadet's panicked look, his hand still fisted against his chest as he stares ahead with glassy eyes. Ready to die.

Some sixth sense allows you to hear the whoosh of wind as Weilman's arm comes down.

Grabbing him by the arms, you pull him into a tight, protective embrace, eyes shutting tightly, waiting for it to come.

The cannonball.

The explosion.

Death.

And yet.

Nothing comes.

"That's enough," comes an oddly familiar voice, "you should really do something about your nervous disposition, Captain Weilman."

Your eyes widen. It's almost too good to be true.

"C-Commander Pyxis!"

"Can you not see this soldier's heartfelt salute?" the voice continues. "I've only just arrived but I'm quite aware of our situation. Gather our reinforcements. We can at least do these young soldiers the favor of hearing them out."

With a gasp, your grip finally loosens as the blonde sinks to his knees in relief. Your legs feel a bit wobbly themselves, but you manage to turn around and let out the shakiest breath you've ever released. It really is him.

Your old commander.

"Hello, Lieutenant," Pyxis says kindly, eyes shining in a promise of sorts, "It's been a while. Care to accompany me to the top of the walls again?"


God, you wish you'd known what you were getting into before you'd jumped face first into this.

Shit like this is why you're relieved you never had the chance to follow your grandfather's footsteps in politics. If someone were to tell you that they had quite suddenly developed the ability to transform into a titan because their long lost father once injected them with scientifically cutting-edge drugs and then gave them a single mission, to go back to titan wastelands just for a single cellar, well, you would have absolutely no idea what to do or say. Pyxis, however, seems to take it in stride. Already he looks like he's coming up with a plan. Or rather, he's working with them to create one.

The story was told to only you and the commander, and you're pretty sure that you're only up here because Pyxis knew you might get killed by Weilman if he hadn't taken you with him. Even so, the three of them talk to you as much as they talk to Pyxis, and you appreciate the effort.

The kids in question are...unique. The blonde's name is Armin Arlert. The ravenette, Mikasa Ackerman. And of course, with Eren Jaeger, the trio of revolutionaries is completed.

Armin admits to speaking out of desperation, but he also pushes that Eren in his titan form could lift the giant boulder near the wall and seal up the breach. It's a lot of maybes, but...it just might work. At least the others seem to think so.

"I'll do it," Eren says boldly, "I'll do it! I don't know if I can seal that hole, but...I'll do it."

And that's that. As soon as Pyxis has this reassurance, he signals to the senior officers to rendezvous with him up on the wall. Personally, the slight uncertainty leaves you a bit nervous, but the confidence from both the commander and the cadet is...something. It's better than nothing, certainly better than just letting Trost fall without fighting back.

You gaze out at the city. It's in tatters—even if this plan miraculously works, it will be an ugly situation moving people back in. Already you can envision the rows of bodies that you will need to carry out, the repairs that will have to be done on the houses, the overall economy that will suffer. Heartbreak. This is what heartbreak feels like.

For all intents and purposes, this is the city where you fell in love. And here it is, in complete ruins, splayed out for you like a cruel nightmare. Beyond the horizon is the man you fell in love with himself, likely slaying monsters left and right, unaware of the chaos that has erupted in his absence. Your dashing captain, killing titans to his heart's content. It's strangely comforting to know that he's away from all this, even if titan country is hardly a better place to be.

"Commander." You step up to him, unable to stomach looking at the sight of Trost any longer.

He gives you a gentle, amused smile. "No offense intended, Lieutenant, but you look like you've seen better days."

"And you're as spry as ever, sir." Despite the circumstances, you crack a weak smile back at him, dodging the unspoken question about your health. "Do you really think this will work?"

"Oh, who can say? Certainly not either of us." He gestures to the vast land being guarded behind Wall Rose. "But it won't be said by anyone here that I didn't try. I hope it won't be said for you either, Lieutenant."

With a soft sigh, you plant your fist to your chest. "I'm at your disposal, sir. Utilize me as you see fit."

Pyxis nods in acknowledgement, which you take to heart. You're aware that you, just minutes ago, were ready to be branded a traitor to humanity, and it's only now that you fully realize what that could have meant. Even if you somehow hadn't been killed immediately, you definitely would have spent the rest of your life in prison had Pyxis not intervened and vouched for you. Even the hilarious image of Levi crossly asking you how the hell you managed to land yourself in jail is not enough to stop a pained breath from escaping you. Either you're getting old way too early, or your captain is really rubbing off on you, because you suddenly feel quite tired.

As the commander asks Eren to take a walk with him, you survey the people gathering below. There isn't a single person in the crowd who doesn't look confused. It will take one hell of a speech to rouse them—fortunately, Pyxis possesses one of most cunning silver tongues you've ever witnessed, second only to Commander Erwin himself.

"Thank you," someone pipes up behind you. You turn to find Armin, blue eyes looking at you with weary gratitude. "If you hadn't bought us that time…"

"I'm sure everything would have worked out regardless," you say breezily, waving a hand. There really isn't a need for thanks, it's not as though you did it to save them for their own sake. That might sound cold, but one doesn't stay in the Survey Corp for years without becoming at least a little bit of an asshole, not to mention the inborn bitchiness from being raised in Stohess. Of course you'd prefer if three cadets weren't blown up in front of you. However, it'd hardly be the worst thing you've ever seen.

Armin lets out a puff of air. "You're in the Scouting Legion, right? That's the regiment we want to join too."

Your lips quirk. "Yeah, I had a feeling." Revolutionaries and Scouts do often go hand in hand, after all.

Eyes flitting from Armin to the quiet girl standing a few feet away, you watch her look over the map of Trost that Pyxis has laid out. She doesn't look like she's strategizing, instead she just looks agonizingly worried. Mikasa, Mikasa, even the name is familiar. But the three of them are from Shiganshina, and you've never been there, not even before Wall Maria fell. Perhaps she just resembles someone else. Actually, her dark hair and general stoic behavior remind you keenly of—

"Attention!"

The Garrison elites have arrived, and Commander Pyxis begins his speech.

And what a speech it is too. Shit, maybe you did make a mistake all those years ago when you transferred to the Scouts. You haven't felt this motivated since Oluo called you a coward for not dangling upside down from a tree branch for five minutes instead of four (you ended up doing eleven and then sleeping for two hours).

In the meantime, Armin explains the second part of his plan. To decrease casualties, it would be better for a majority of the soldiers to attract the titans to a different side of the wall. It's a sound idea, and you tell him as much. "You're a hell of a strategist, Arlert, this is brilliant!"

Armin's cheeks turn pink, but he accepts the praise.

Everything is happening so fast. You're barely getting a moment to breathe. But that's for the best, at least for now. If this actually works, you will have time to reflect on kids who can turn into titans and matters of treason later. This kind of chance will not come again, and you can't afford to be distracted or let your guard down. Not today.

Captain Ian is assigned to be the leader of the operation, to no one's objection. Once he's assuaged any doubts the elite squad leaders may have, Pyxis motions for you to come forward.

"I'm assigning you to Captain Rico's command. You'll fight with her squad and protect Eren Jaeger at all costs. Understood?"

You and Rico exchange wary glances. Not long ago you'd been pointing your blades at one another, and now the commander wants you to work together. You don't doubt that he has his reasons, but the entire mission will be screwed if the entire team can't work together. She scans you sharply, quickly appraising her newest temporary subordinate. You raise your chin and meet her gaze head on, conveying that you did what you needed to do as much as she did. As much as you do respect them, you are not an officer of the Garrison, you're a goddamn Scout.

She narrows her eyes, then gives you the slightest nod.

Turning to Pyxis, you salute. "Understood."

The operation begins.

Heart thundering in your chest, you begin running. A few wisps of hair blow into your face, but you pay them no mind. This is what you'd defined as freedom, being up here to witness a sight that not many get to see, and doing it of one's own free will. Every time you've ridden outside these walls, you have never really expected success, even if those thoughts are never spoken out loud at risk of lowering morale. This is the first time that such a dangerous hope has bloomed in your chest. It's a stupid thing to have, but it's also beyond your control.

This could really be a victory.

The others begin to talk as you run. A few titans begin to shamble towards the inner wall, just like Armin intended. The plan is working so far, but that's not saying much. You'll have no idea how this is going to go until Eren transforms. Suddenly it feels as though the world is watching you.

You hope everyone on your squad is alright. You hope that you're the only one who has to face imminent danger today. And abashedly, you hope that you survive this, so you can tell them all about it.

For now, you have to force them out of your mind if you want any chance of succeeding. Just like you do on expeditions, you have to put your logical mind first. If you don't, then there will be negative consequences not just for you, but for this entire team, and by extension, humanity. That kind of failure is not acceptable—God knows how many people will rub it in your face if this mission goes south. And the deaths that will follow, of course. Death is mostly bad.

"I remember you." A quiet voice interrupts your thoughts, and you turn your head to find Mikasa running side by side next to you. "You gave me your uniform a few days after Wall Maria fell."

Gave her your uniform…?

An image of a little girl wrapped in a scarf that is way too big on her flashes in your head, and your mouth falls open a little.

So she did survive. You'd often wondered if you'd done her any good, and here she is, red scarf and all, running next to you as your comrade.

"So that's where I've seen you before," you breathe softly as you run. Yes, now the entire conversation is coming back to you. "You said that you had to give the blankets to your friends—"

"Eren and Armin," she finishes. Ah. So neither the scarf nor the company have changed. You don't know how much she's thought about that interaction in the past, but you personally consider that moment as the first time in your life that you had ever done anything even remotely selfless. Really, she shaped you, her and her genuine desire to protect people she clearly loved. Obviously, that hasn't changed either.

"For the record, I think you were wrong." Mikasa's tone is dry, and you detect no amusement in her voice as she says, "Orange is definitely your color."

You snort goodheartedly, giving her a nod that she returns. You'd saved her then, apparently, and you'll try to help her again as much as you can. Now your eyes lock on the person of interest, Eren himself. Aside from a breathless, "Thanks," he gave you when you helped him off the elevator onto the wall, you haven't spoken directly to him, but he must be someone quite extraordinary indeed if both of his friends are ready to risk their lives for him like this.

There isn't much time to decide whether their judgement is sound. The boulder is within sight.

Leaping off the wall, you follow Rico, swerving throughout the houses and buildings within Trost as quickly as you possibly can. The air whips through your face, sending stray hairs flying and light dust particles hitting your cheeks. Trost seems to blur past you, familiar streets that you walked down once, making starry eyes at your superior and munching on strawberries while he sipped his tea-to-go.

This isn't your city, but it sure as hell isn't the titans' either.

There is a flash, and you fling yourself into the air to see a fifteen meter, fully transformed Eren Jaeger. This titan is nothing like you've seen before, tall and strong and proud and standing with purpose. Just looking at him gives you a sense of newfound power, even if it makes your heart jump with fear at the same time. Eren is terrifying, as scary as he is furious.

Even more terrifying is when he turns and hurls his fist at Mikasa.

The squad leaders react right away, screaming for her to get out of the way. You stand by with the squads, all ready to fight, to dispose of Eren at a moment's notice, and you shake with tension. With no order given, you watch as a red smoke signal goes up into the air, signalling an immediate, awful failure. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. This wasn't supposed to happen.

When he knocks himself out, it is both relieving and a symbol of hopelessness. Things are going north and south so rapidly that you can't be sure what's happening. For now, you stay on standby, ignoring the mutters passing between everyone else. You don't like this, not at all. Commander Erwin would know what to do. He would know when to call for a retreat, and when to keep fighting. You've never quite gotten along with him, but you've also never doubted his strategy, no matter how many of your comrades you've seen die under his orders. You respect Commander Pyxis and Captain Ian, but if they don't have what it takes, if they can't call the shots that need to be called, then this will truly be the day humanity goes to hell.

Rico lands in front of you, cutting off your wishful thinking, barking orders at her squad. "We have a twelve meter approaching! All soldiers, engage!"

So the plan is continuing. Despite the red smoke, despite the only person who can carry out the mission being unconscious. If he doesn't wake up, this will be suicide. But Rico's no idiot, she must know that. You can probably count on her to call this a failed attempt before too many people get eaten. But if the order right now is to fight, then you're going to fight. At least Ian knows when not to cut his losses. All is not lost just yet, after all.

You're right behind the captain herself, like you usually are. The rest of her squad already works well together, so you trail behind, diving down to serve as a distraction for the titan's hands. Slice its fingers straight through, nothing crazy or cool, give the others room to go for the legs and nape. That way, you don't get in the middle of anyone else's path. The twelve meter is no match for the squad, and you even manage to jump aside before it crushes you as it falls flat on its face.

"There's three more coming this way. Everyone, split into groups of two and take them out!"

"Yes, sir!"

This time you don't wait to see who you're paired with. Whoever it is will follow, and in the meantime you have to get to work. Your hands are itching for a fight, even if it is a fruitless one.

Get up, Eren Jaeger.

Nothing in this world comes easy. You know that. You no longer expect things to be handed to you. But if, for once, whatever upper power this was could give humanity a single victory, then it would be the miracle that could ensure their survival.

Get up.

It's been a long road. You've lost, again and again and again. The future is still a hazy, depressing mystery. You don't know what humanity could have possibly done to deserve such a cruel fate, but whatever it was, this can't possibly be a fitting punishment.

You hear a scream right as you slice the nape. One of the men on Rico's squad has his wires tugged down, right into a single grip. From here, you know you won't make it to him in time, and even if you could, you would probably only get yourself killed as well. Still, you soar through the air, gritting your teeth when a quarter of the man's body disappears into the titan's mouth.

We're all counting on you.

Everyone has to move on. Sometimes, on expeditions, there are certain situations where soldiers can take a minute or two to mourn, to recover from the horrifying death they've just witnessed. This is not one of those situations. The mission must go on.

One death, two deaths, even three deaths are nothing compared to what will happen if Wall Rose falls.

Your arm aches from exertion and the injury it suffered a couple weeks ago. The slight tinge of pain is a dull throb now, but it's easy to ignore as you slash another titan, and then another. The groups have all split up into individuals now, too many lost for any organization to be possible. You doubt that Ian and Mitabi squads are doing any better.

How long will this go on?

Kill. Someone's dead. Kill. Kill. Repeat.

Get up!

Just as your vision goes blurry, the ground shudders, the giant tremor forcing you to grab onto the side of the roof you're on. Someone shouts something as you wipe blood and sweat from your face, looking up with wide eyes to see Eren, awake, headed straight for the boulder.

He's up. He's up and he's conscious, it looks like. Once again, your heart is filled with dangerous hope.

"(L/N)!" Rico lands next to you, tearing your eyes away from the tantalizing, almost holy sight. "The others have retreated back to the boulder."

You nod affirmatively, discarding your blades and connecting new ones. Your second last pair. It should be enough. Enough to see an actual victory for your side, one that has been a long time coming. "I'll help them keep the titans off Jaeger."

"No," she says, with all the conviction in the world. "I need you to do something else."

You look at her, actually look at her, and you're stricken by how solemn she looks. Regretful, even. Preemptive regret, and that's rare for most people. Her eyes are filled with tired sorrow from losing so many people in such a short span of time. Everyone who has died—you feel the frustration of not being able to save them, sure, but you didn't know them, and that makes all the difference between you and her right now. These people are just setbacks for you, not that you don't care, but they weren't your friends or family, or anything more than strangers. Acquaintances at most. And from when you have experienced true loss, you know fully well the weariness that she must be experiencing.

"Take this as a request, not an order," Rico says softly, "we can't have titans coming in from the direction Jaeger is headed. Someone has to go to the other side and kill them off. Preferably someone who has experience fighting outside these walls."

Oh.

She's asking you to miss the victory. To jump over the walls and give life and limb to this mission. To slay titans until you've sliced your last blade, exhausted your last bit of gas, breathed your last breath.

She's asking you to die.

Curling your fingers comes like a natural movement. Your hand moves on its own, finding its way to your chest. You'd promised that you were at the Garrison's disposal, and you're no liar, not anymore. An unspoken understanding passes between you and the other woman, and the two of you move at the same time, shoulders brushing as you head in different directions. Behind you, you hear her take off, and you jump as well, gliding from rooftop to rooftop, taking a good, last glance at Trost. Silently thanking the city for the memories.

Dammit.

There are bodies underneath you. You don't look at them. Your gaze is on the wall in front of you only. If you look anywhere else, especially at the titan actively trying to lift a boulder on its shoulder, then your resolve might waver.

Your feet finally land on the side of the wall, and your hooks fly up. As you're tugged upwards, you close your eyes, trying to tune out the death and destruction for just one second. Just a single second to remember the freedom that you already have, to be able to fly towards the sky.

One second is more than enough.

A lifetime later, you're on the top of the wall. It's ironic, once you'd been worried about nothing more than your love life up here, and now your thoughts are only concerned with ensuring humanity's victory. You hope that Petra, Oluo, Gunther and Eld are all alive. You've never really had to worry about Levi, no matter how much disturbing imagery you could conjure up if you really tried, but you do hope that he isn't too pissed off that you didn't sleep the day away like he told you to. You should have given him a more genuine smile this morning.

That's one regret you'll just have to die with, you suppose.

Oh, man. You really hadn't considered that out of everyone in your squad, you would be the one dying today.

Two titans are standing right near the hole in the wall, ready to enter. How nice of them to be so perfectly lined up for you. Pointing your swords, you gauge a good angle to go down, take a deep breath, and then break out into a run.

With an empty head and dedicated heart, you leap off the wall, shooting down in an elegant fall.

One hook in the further titan's shoulder, and the two of them go down like candles blown out in the darkest nights.

That's two out of...a million? Billion? You have no idea. Thinking about it is your way of coping with the cold hands of death wrapping around your neck and choking you. You've seen so many people abandon all sense of themselves as they die, nothing left in their eyes besides meaningless terror. Similarly, you feel pieces of yourself leaving you slowly. Kill. Logic, gone. Kill. Humor, gone. Kill. Bravery, gone.

Kill.

Your arms feel like they're attached to a mindless killing machine. You aim only for the nape. You don't really feel like a veteran, you feel like a kid, tossed out onto a dirty battlefield that you can never get out of.

The disconnect does not stop the pain from gripping your arm, nor the sudden, raging headache that is your cold reminding you that you're not superhuman. You are human. Humans are finite. Your time is slowly coming to an end.

One particularly sharp movement kills a titan, makes you cry out in pain and diminishes your last blade all at once. After what seems like hours of fighting, you collapse onto a roof, flat on your back, staring up at a beautiful but hazy red sky. How many was that? You're supposed to remember so that you can brag to Gunther and Gaelgar later, but you can't concentrate on a number. Loud footsteps echo in your ears. One of them is approaching.

At the very least, you should at least try to see if any good came out of this.

You stand, and are greeted by the greatest sight of your life.

There he is. A heavy rock on his back, he is only a few steps away from the gaping entrance. Nothing and no one is in his way. He -

With a roar, Eren Jaeger hurls the boulder down, sealing you off from Wall Rose completely.

Your hand flies to your mouth in a disbelieving gasp. The titan slowly approaching you seems miles away. He did it. They all did it. Humanity has won.

Even the promise of death doesn't deter the victorious blaze that flashes repeatedly within you as you see a yellow flare go up into the sky. Never, never, would you have expected to actually win a fight against the titans. But the giant rock in front of you is proof that this is no longer a fruitless war. Soldiers are fighting for something. People aren't dying without cause. What the cause is, what the truth is, you're not sure of yet and perhaps you never will be. But perhaps, this is where things start to turn around. Perhaps, in a miraculous twist of fate, you will not be wiped out.

All of a sudden, different worries come to the forefront of your mind. With his state after his first transformation, there is no way Eren will be in a good enough shape to escape right away. Titans must still be littering the streets of Trost, and you doubt there are more than three members of the elite squads remaining to protect him, and that's being generous. You have no gas left.

No, no, no. What good is an ace if he dies right after his first success? You can't even do anything, with the gas you have left you'd be lucky to get off this rooftop, away from the hungry titan only ten steps away from you. A heaviness settles in your heart. You don't want to die like this, with so many uncertainties, with no way to help. The cold hand presses down on your own nape, forcing you to give in, to lay down and die.

And then...you hear the sound of hooves.

Heart beating madly in your chest, you whirl around, not daring to believe your good fortune. Could it be…?

It is.

The Survey Corp has returned.

And right there, a few paces behind the commander, is the only man you can count on to save Eren.

"Captain!" you scream out, voice hoarse as you point wildly. "They need help!"

His eyes widen - you can make them out even from here. Several people are shouting things, but it is obviously only Erwin's go-ahead that he needs before he is standing upright on his horse and jumping off, moving through houses so fast that all you see is a blur. But despite that, you can tell that the blur is not going for the walls, but for you.

The titan is only two steps away.

With a heaving breath, you fight your aching limbs and push yourself right off the roof. Hitting the ground isn't even an option that you have to concern yourself with. He would never let that happen.

Sure enough, the blur catches you, capturing you right before the titan can envelop its fingers around your form. Your arms wrap around his neck tightly, wheezing in his ear, "Behind the rock!" and that's all he needs before he's going up, up, up, and pausing for only a second in his trajectory to drop you onto the wall before shooting back down in a perfect parabola.

Your worries are eased. Levi will save them.

And with that thought, you let the darkness wrap around you and shut your eyes, finally submitting yourself to a long overdue slumber.

take a shot everytime this mfer mentions humanity.

how's THAT for the trost arc? how are we feeling, folks? i am SO excited for this, i can't even tell you. i have been planning out certain parts of this since the first time i watched aot.

i know certain parts must seem repetitive, but i swear i'm doing my best to make it exciting while still keeping it canon compliant. some things just gotta happen and some lines have to be said. i hope you'll bear with me!

please review, and let me know what you think!