Epilogue: The Darkest Night Will End and the Sun will Rise
Dawn was here, and for the first time in months, it was warm. The sun shone ahead, the last rain clouds from Permafrost's storm having blown away while they were, however briefly, sleeping. Anna thought she could hear the song of whatever few, brave, birds had started to return to Bozeman. But as happy as the morning was, and as wonderful as it was to finally feel the warm sun on her skin, Anna couldn't help but feel solemn.
They had retrieved Aunt Clara's body from the clinic, and had returned to the grave site in order to give it a proper burial, and Anna was swirling with mixed emotions. There was the guilt at returning to the site of where she had nearly made her greatest mistake. No—Call it what it was. Where she had nearly killed not one, but both of her only friends. Where she had known what she was doing, as much as her judgement may have been clouded by grief and Calamity's rage. It was not a mistake. At the time, it was purposeful, and that was something she would have to live with for the rest of her life.
The second emotion that swirled in her, threatening to overwhelm even her well-practiced control, was loss. She kept waiting, expecting that any moment, Aunt Clara would come back, and it would all be some big misunderstanding, and—No. Her body was literally right there, placed to the side while Ash worked away at digging a hole in the muddy, melting ground, for it. Ash—And, just like that, her emotions were back to guilt.
Ash stopped digging, looked over at her with a sad smile, and sat next to her on the cold, muddy ground. "Everything okay?" she said.
Anna started to reply, to come up with some cheerful lie to deflect off that question, but Ash continued talking. "I suppose it wouldn't be."
"I'm sorry," Anna said. "For what I said, for shocking you." She looked up at Ash. "You were never weak," she said. "Honestly, I think I was."
Ash laughed. "I accept your apology. Though you may have been right in a way. Want to hear how long I lasted before losing myself the first time?" Anna nodded. "Five sparking minutes. And I think I only lasted that long because the first big fight I got in was like a block away." Ash turned away, her gaze focused on something very far away. "If you were weak, I think literally every Epic ever is."
She reached her arms out, nonverbally asking if Anna wanted a hug. Anna nodded and moved forward, and they embraced, just enjoying the feeling of each other's presence for a while. In Ash's strong, yet gentle grip, Anna finally felt safe.
After what seemed like forever, yet at the same time, was way too brief, Ash let go. "Let me know if you want to talk some more about this," she said. "I've been through a lot of it myself, and though I won't claim to be the best at comforting, I can definitely listen."
"Thanks, Ash. I think I'm fine for now," Anna said, though part of her desperately wished she could talk to her. No. Ash would think worse of her for it. It did not need to be said. "What happened up there?" Anna said, in an attempt to divert the conversation to a less uncomfortable topic. "How are you not, uh..."
"Yeah, I have no clue about that. I also thought I would be dead or past the point of no return by now," Ash said. She sighed. "If I knew, I swear I would tell you. I know how significant that is for you, and I'm promising I'm not hiding anything."
They sat in awkward silence for a while, and remained quiet even as the body was lowered into the grave. This was it. She would never see her aunt again. And besides Dan, she had nothing here. Ash couldn't stay here, not with the Reckoners knowing her last location. And, if what Dan said was right, not even properly knowing she was dead. But no one said any of that, not now. The silence was too thick, too impenetrable to break.
It wasn't until the last grains of dirt had been placed on the grave that anyone spoke. Anna reached into her pocket and brought out something she had grabbed from the house before they left. A flower bulb, small and covered with dirt. "She'd been planning on planting this," Anna said. "For next spring, whenever that came again." It was a crocus bulb. The first flower of spring. Anna looked up at the brightening sky, and felt again the warmth of a summer morning. It was appropriate, in a way. Anna just hoped it had survived.
Dan turned to Ash, asking the question they had all been thinking. "So, where are you going after this?" he said.
Ash scanned the horizon, silent for a long time. "That is a very good question," she said. "I have absolutely no idea." She turned, looking back and forth between the two of them. "I don't suppose either of you have any ideas?"
"Uh..." Dan said, his tone a bit confused.
"That was me inviting you to come with me. I probably should've been more obvious about that. I like being with you," Ash said. "And if I ever get the answer to what the heck just happened to me, I want you to be the first to find out."
Anna saw her point, but still couldn't shake the feeling that every eye was on her. Though, the offer did seem tempting. She couldn't remember when the last time she had left was, and from the rumors she had heard, though there was much danger to be found, there was also wonder and beauty that never would've been imaginable in the time before Calamity. Though, she also didn't want to leave Dan behind. As much of a homebody as he was, he did get lonely, and she didn't want to leave him, not when there was so little left here. She looked at him, waiting for what his response would be.
"Well, it has been five years since I've seen the ocean," Dan said, grinning. At Ash's puzzled silence, he continued. "That would be a 'yes'," he said.
Ash raised her eyebrows. "That was a quicker yes than I thought I'd hear from you," she said.
"You're not the only one curious about why you're not evil," Dan said. "And not just for obvious reasons." Was Dan deliberately not making eye contact with her? "Look, I'm a scientist. And I would love to try to solve a puzzle like that." He stopped, clearing his throat. "Sorry, I didn't mean to imply that you or Anna were puzzles to be solved."
Anna found herself smiling. "I knew what you meant, Dan. And yes, I do like west." She knelt down on the ground, planting the crocus bulb into the ground, where her aunt had been buried. She hoped she would understand. Unless she found answers, what happened last night would happen again. And next time, there might not be anyone to stop her. And, more to the point, she didn't think answers to what had happened to Ash would be found here. "Please," she muttered. "Let this not be the last time I see this place." Anna felt Ash's warm, solid hand on her shoulder. She looked up at her, smiling. "That would be a yes from me, too," she said.
"I suppose I like west too," Ash said. "Not very many people that want me dead that way."
Soon after, they left, away from the desolation, and into the light of summer.
