A/N: Hello, everyone. Bet you're all surprised to see this, aren't you? Well, so am I, since I thought the previous story in this Jungle AU pretty neatly wrapped up the scenario. But after three years, The Cowardly Christian decided to surprise me by revealing he'd come up with a sequel to it, and I loved the long outline he sent me so much I just had to write it. Besides, considering TCC had apparently been working on this for the last couple of years, it felt disrespectful to not write it up.
Now then, a few things to get out of the way before we start. First of all, again, this is a sequel, so if you haven't read the original yet (or just need a reminder) go do so before starting this one, or you're likely to be confused. Secondly, as with all stories based on TCC's prompt outlines, this will be wackier and overall more mature than my usual stuff, so be wary of that, and don't read if you don't like. Thirdly, like with the other stories inspired by TCC's outlines, this story is based on my pre-Enter the Florpus view on Gaz, so like with New Adventures just imagine the show's version of her rather than the comics/movie version. Fourthly, while TCC sent me the whole outline at once, don't expect fast updates — our current understanding is that for each portion of this story I post, he'll update three of his stories, and that usually takes a couple of weeks each time, so I'll be waiting for his updates before getting to mine. And finally, expect this story's chapters to be shorter than usual for my stuff, as while I'll be padding out and combining TCC's chapter outlines when necessary, they're still shorter than I normally tend to write. Just FYI.
Anyway, all that said, read on and enjoy! And my best wishes to everyone in these troubled times; hoping you all stay safe and healthy out there.
Disclaimer: Perhaps somewhere in the multiverse I own Invader Zim, but in this universe the show and all its characters still belong to Jhonen Vasquez.
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Rumbles in the Jungle
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There are three unspoken things you should never do in all creation, no matter what universe you live in: Never look Cthulhu in the eye, never cross the streams of reality, and most importantly of all, never make a wager while drunk. Especially not in a world where all you walk around wearing on a regular basis is a loincloth.
"I LOVE YOU GIRLS SO MUCH!" a totally wasted Dib shouted happily.
Sadly, the Dib Membrane of the Jungle Earth universe had never learned those all-important rules… well, not the last one. There's actually a funny story about how he learned the first two, but that's a tale for another time.
"Chug, chug, chug!" his numerous wives chanted enthusiastically as he chugged down yet another barrel of Komodo venom wine.
Yes, it had been several months since this world's versions of the Membrane children had undergone their Anansi-induced reversal of fates. Dib had gone from the village loser to a celebrated hero with a large harem, while Gaz had gone from the most feared person in the jungle to a laughingstock that people still mockingly called "Dung Girl" for her now-infamous walk of shame.
Naturally, Gaz blamed Dib for all her misfortune and humiliation, because Heavens forbid that she bother to figure things out past "I'm hurt, so now I'll hurt Dib to make myself feel better, because I can". But to her frustration, she found that things weren't that simple anymore. Every attempt at physically harming Dib just ended in broken bones for her and not a scratch on him, and all her attempts to indirectly harm or at least humiliate him just ended up backfiring on her.
It was actually almost impressive, all the ways that things had blown up in her face. For example, the first time she'd tried to outright attack him, she'd somehow missed him and gone right out the window of their treehouse, crashing into the hut their father used as his alchemical lab and ruining his latest experiment. And while his anger at this would have been bad enough, it rather paled compared to the fact that the chemical mixtures she'd spilled had dissolved her fur bikini and set her hair on fire, causing her to run in a panic to the river to put it out and then have to streak back home, receiving mockery from the villagers along the way. Meanwhile, Dib helped his father fix his lab and in the process made suggestions that improved the ruined experiment, earning his father's respect.
Another time, Gaz had stolen a spell from one of Dib's magic books and used it to cause his loincloth to unravel while he was in the middle of the crowded marketplace. And while this had succeeded, leaving Dib somewhat embarrassed, this had happened right in front of a visiting Amazonian ambassador, who had been so impressed by his… ahem, "size", that she'd happily arranged to have her daughter join his harem, granting great prosperity and prestige to Dib, his father, and the village as a whole. And at the same time, the spell — which Gaz had pronounced improperly — had snapped back and destroyed her bikini as well, leaving her likewise naked. Worse, the first people to have seen her had been some visiting merchant women who had mistaken her for an "ugly boy" flashing them and angrily chased her around the village, pelting her with rocks.
Yet another time, she had unleashed a crocodile into the stream while Dib was bathing, having the night before snuck some crocodile bait into the loincloth she knew he'd be wearing that day, hoping that the beast would castrate him. But she'd used the wrong herbs, making Dib smell so tasty that the crocodile had decided instead of eating him to abduct him and present him as a gift to the group of Mama Wati water spirits it served. Who, as had practically become standard by this point, took one look at Dib and talked him into an orgy. Gaz, who had snuck along in hopes of watching her brother get mauled, had been enraged and tried to breakup the orgy to attack Dib, only for the spirits' crocodile servants to attack her. She just barely survived without serious injury, but lost her bikini in the process, and while trying to sneak home ran into her father; angry at her apparently streaking again, he'd once more punished her by making her march through the village in the buff.
On and on it went, Gaz's various petty schemes only ever leaving her worse off while Dib always came out smelling like roses, usually gaining new lovers in the process. And that was without counting the various other indignities she now suffered on a regular basis, as the villagers she'd once tormented now felt emboldened to take revenge on her. Almost every day, someone would throw rocks at her head, or trip her up as she walked down the street, or heckle insults at her, or even sometimes steal her clothes while she bathed. And that wasn't even mentioning the fact that seemingly every time she stepped even a foot into the jungle, something — attacking birds or beasts, getting tangled on stray branches, random fires — would cause her to lose her bikini and yet again have to streak home.
Eventually, Witchdoctor Membrane had had enough. Enough of the shame his daughter's antics brought on the family, enough of the quiet snickering by the villagers whenever he walked by, and definitely enough of having to constantly buy Gaz new clothes so frequently. And since his only other options were to disown and cast her out (which was even more disgraceful) or to force her to stay in their home all the time (which wasn't practical, not least of all because he wasn't entirely convinced that she wouldn't find a way to get into trouble even then), he ultimately chose to deal with her by having her carted off kicking and screaming to a temple convent that specialized in breaking abnormal young people and making them model villagers.
Frankly, he would have sent Dib years ago, except the convent only allowed girls in. Apparently no one cared if boys were crazy outcasts. Go figure.
Anyway, it didn't take long for everyone in the village to celebrate Gaz's absence. Which brings us back to the start of this story — Dib might, for reasons he didn't fully understand, still care about his sister, but he couldn't deny that his life was a lot easier without her around. Especially not with his wives, who all hated her, talking him into joining their celebrations and repeatedly reminding him that with Gaz out of the way he could focus on being a young man who wasn't even 20 yet but was already prosperous and had a very active sex life. Needless to say, Dib quickly forgot any concerns he had and joined in the fun.
So, here is where we join Dib, at the end of weeks of almost round the clock partying. He felt on top of the world, as he looked around and took in the fact that he was surrounded by hot women who adored him, most of whom had stripped at some point during the partying. The sight made him horny as hell, greatly helped by the fact that he was intoxicated out of his mind. That, along with the huge ego boost of his situation, was not a good combination… especially when he had an equally hammered succubus sorceress on hand.
Tak was laying happily sprawled on a couch nearby, naked and watching Dib with a drunkenly pleased smile. The last several months had been the best of her long existence — not only had she eliminated her greatest enemy, but she'd gained herself a nearly never-ending supply of sex and booze. More than that though, while Dib had proven himself to be a great lover, he was an even better partner and friend. Hell, she'd even revealed her true nature to him (breaking the biggest taboo of demon kind in the process), and he hadn't cared.
Admittedly, she'd deliberately waited until they were in the middle of making love to tell him this, so he was too busy thinking with his "other head" to really process it… but hey, it worked. She could now use the full extent of her sex magic without fear of him handing her over to an angry mob.
But although demons have a higher alcohol tolerance than humans, she had moved way past her limit by this point. And all the mystic knowledge at her disposal combined with a removal of inhibitions was about to prove as bad a mixture as Dib's current state.
Tak giggled as she watched Dib toss aside the empty barrel and pose triumphantly, the other girls cheering for him.
"You're number 1, baby!" she called out to him, chirping happily. Dib looked over to her, smirking smugly and gaze running lustfully over her bare form, his normal bashfulness long since burned away by the booze.
"Yeah I, hic, am!" he exclaimed arrogantly even as he struggled to stay on his feet, "Gaz doesn't be-hic-beat me up anymore, I've got a, hic, ton of hot wives, I'm hung like a, hic, mule! Everything's com-hic-coming up me! I'm invincible!"
Zita, who was nearly as drunk as Dib and Tak were, giggled happily in agreement, "Yeah, Dib, there's nothing you can't do! Do something to show how awesome you are!"
"An-anything for, hic, for my women!," Dib said a smirk, "Name it and I'll, hic, I'll, hic, do the thingy!"
Uninhibited as they all were, the girls were happy to take up the challenge. But at the same time, this left them too disoriented to think of anything to seriously challenge him with, leaving them to just spout out whatever random thoughts crossed their addled minds.
"You should go, hic, go somewhere far away and then, hic, come back!" a girl leaning dizzily against a window ledge said as she looked off into the distance.
"Go far… come back? Hic. Okay, sure!" Dib exclaimed, "But that's, hic, too easy! Someone give me some-hic-something else on top, hic, on top of that!"
A girl who was lying semiconscious on the floor next to Dib looked up at him as she regained enough coherency to recognize that he was speaking. She giggled as she realized that her angle let her look right up into his loincloth.
"Take off your loincloth," she said perversely, reaching up to give the leopard skin a playful tug. She hadn't actually been listening to the conversation and was just saying that for the fun of it, but in Dib's inebriated and horny state he wasn't about to stop to consider that before following such a request.
"Take, hic, take off clothes. Hic, got it!" Dib said eagerly, to the cheers of his wives at the thought, "I've got it, hic, now I'm gonna flaunt it! Anything else?"
A girl with bloodshot eyes was sitting in the corner, oblivious to what was happening around her as she smoked from an elephant-shaped bong that someone had provided for the party. After a few minutes of puffing from it, she paused to look at it weirdly as her trip started to go bad.
"My hands are huge," she slurred, "And so's this elephant's trunk! Someone make it smaller, it's freaking me out!"
Yet again, this comment had absolutely nothing to do with the conversation that was going on. However, in his alcohol-induced arrogance, Dib was sure she was talking about his impressive endowment. And in his current self-assurance that he could do no wrong, he saw no problem in following the suggestion.
"Make my, hic, 'trunk' smaller… sure, why not?" Dib said cockily. Turning to Tak he asked, "Hey, hic, hey sweetie! Could, hic, could you send me far away somewhere, naked and with shrunken junk?"
"Okey-dokey!" Tak giggled, likewise too inebriated to realize how stupid an idea this was, seeing only the humor in it, "But it's a little bit outside my regular powers, so we'll have to make a demon deal to pull it off."
Sitting up, she shakily chanted in her native infernal tongue, until indigo flames erupted in one of her hands, which she held out to her lover.
"Accept my aid in being teleported far away from this place, and my price will be nudity and a shrinking curse upon your genitals, neither to be relieved until such time as you return," she said solemnly, sounding almost sober as she did so.
"Deal!" Dib exclaimed happily as he shook her hand without a second thought. The mystical flames flared and shot out from Tak's hand to quickly wrap around Dib, and then with a flash of light he vanished, leaving only his loincloth to flutter to the floor.
The girls all stared curiously at the spot where their joint husband had disappeared from, and at where the harem's head wife had passed out from the strain of casting the spell. However, in their current drunken (and in a few cases, drugged out) states, none of them could focus on this long enough to really care about it. So, they just shrugged and went back to partying.
Meanwhile, on the divine plane of existence, Anansi sighed as he observed what had just happened to one half of his pet project. He supposed he should have seen this coming — as good as Dib's luck had become against outside intervention and random events, it couldn't protect him from his own poor judgement and bad decisions. Free will and all that.
After all, not even the unluckiest man in the world could get himself accidentally pregnant. Conversely, even the luckiest man in the world would never have gold just appear out of thin air in front of them… well, maybe if they somehow stumbled into the Midas dimension, but that was beside the point, which was that even the best of luck had its limits, which Dib was about to learn the hard way.
Though on the subject of how someone with luck of one extreme could still end up having the other kind, maybe he should check on Gaz…
Meanwhile
The Convent of Divine Grace was one of the greatest temples in all of the jungle lands, a large wall encasing bountiful garden fields in front of a grand edifice carved into the side of a mountain, inside of which were numerous halls and rooms. Many of these were holy spaces dedicated to various gods, but others were living spaces for both the priestesses who ran the place, and the girls sent to their tender mercies. The convent was a favorite destination for influential members of the jungle society to ship off daughters who were more trouble than they were worth to.
This was where Gaz had been sent by her father, and needless to say she was even more miserable here than she'd been back home in the village. While there she'd become a laughingstock and had to suffer watching Dib have such a great life, at least she'd still been allowed to do whatever she wanted. Here, she actually had to do chores — every day she was forced awake at dawn, and then made to toil in the fields, take care of livestock, work in the kitchen, empty chamberpots, scrub floors, and all other kinds of menial labor she used to leave for other people, seeing it as beneath her. But, if she refused to obey instructions, or failed at the task given to her, or in any way broke the rules, she was strictly punished.
SMACK
SMACK
SMACK
Case in point, she was currently in one of the main halls, splayed over the lab of the temple's leader Matron Bitters, who was repeatedly smacking a paddle into Gaz's bare ass. This was a favorite punishment tactic of the old crone's, which Gaz had unfortunately become very intimate with.
Currently, she was being punished for once again walking around naked. Never mind the fact that she had only been in that state because a candle had fallen off an altar and the stray embers had made her fur bikini burn off, or that this had happened right in front of Bitters' eyes, meaning she knew Gaz hadn't done it intentionally. No, it seemed she just wanted an excuse to once again spank Gaz. It was practically a running gag at this point.
"There, I think that's enough to get the point across, don't you?" Bitters said when she finally stopped the spanking after several minutes.
"Yes, Matron, thank you," Gaz reluctantly replied through grit teeth, knowing that if she didn't give the expected response, she would just earn more whacks.
"Good," Bitters said, shoving Gaz off her lap and letting the girl very stiffly get back on her feet, "Now, get back to work. This room won't clean itself."
"Can I get some replacement clothes first?" Gaz asked, trying very hard to ignore the pain radiating from her bottom.
"No," Bitters replied bluntly, "Since you seem to enjoy being naked so much, you can just go ahead and stay that way for the rest of the day."
"I don't like being naked!" Gaz snapped in protest, even though she knew it wouldn't do her any good.
"Oh really? Then why does it keep happening?" Bitters asked dryly.
And that was the real problem — even without being able to continue in her failed attempts to humiliate Dib, circumstances her at the convent still kept causing Gaz to lose her clothes. They'd burn from loose flames like in this most recent incident, or they'd get caught on roots or branches while she worked the fields and tear apart, or the animals she was tending would somehow mistake them for food and rip them off her to eat, or she'd get into a fight with one of the other girls (which happened frequently, as they had no problem bullying her) and they'd somehow get torn off… the list went on, and no matter the circumstances, Bitters would always blame Gaz for her predicament and paddle her for it.
Gaz was sick and tired of the whole situation, but she could do nothing about it but quietly clench her fists in anger. Seeing this, Bitters smirked in smug triumph.
"Glad to see we understand each other," she said, "Now, like I said, back to work. I expect this room to be spotless, and don't even think about going to the dining hall for supper until it is."
With that, Bitters swept out of the room. Gaz watched her go, spat a few curses, and then limped over to where her cleaning supplies had been left next to the main altar. Said supplies were just a bucket of water, some small bars of soap, and a single rag that could fit in her palm with room to spare; this was going to take forever.
"Fuck that crone, fuck this place, and fuck Dib!" she snarled, "This is all his fault! If he had just kept being my punching bag like he's supposed to be, none of this would have happened! I'd still be running that village, instead of being stuck in this hellhole with everyone always laughing at me! And why doesn't he get in as much trouble for being naked as often as I am? Because he's 'sexy' and I'm 'ugly'? That's a load of crap! I'm beautiful and all these bitches are just jealous!"
Completely consumed by delusional anger, Gaz picked up one of the soap bars and started squeezing it like a stress ball.
"I don't care how long it takes, but I will find a way to get out of this place," she growled, deliberately ignoring that she had no means of supporting herself even if she did escape the temple, "Then I'll make them all pay. Dib, those bimbos in his harem, dad, the villagers, the people here — everyone who ever made me miserable will all suffer!"
To punctuate her point, Gaz threw the soap. However, she wasn't looking where she was aiming, and realized too late that she'd just thrown it right at the large statue of the creator god Amma that was perched atop the altar. Gaz's eyes widened as she watched the soap hit the statue hard enough to rock it, leaving it wobbling for several moments… and then she yelled in panic and jumped out the way, barely avoiding being crushed as it fell over and hit the floor, smashing into a million pieces.
"Shit!" Gaz exclaimed as she got back to her feet, all her angry bravado suddenly forgotten, "Shit, shit, shit! When the matron sees this, she'll paddle me so hard I won't be able to sit for a month! What do I do, what do I do?"
While Gaz was panicking over her impending punishment, she failed to notice as thick black smoke emerged from the ruined statue and solidified as a small cloud. A pair of glowing green eyes appeared in that cloud and stared at Gaz intently. Then, before she could notice it, the smoke rushed back into the rubble.
"Okay, okay, maybe I can hide in the cellars until this blows over," she muttered, "No, Bitters will find me down there and then punish me worse for hiding. Probably toss me in a cage with rabid weasels or something… huh?"
Gaz trailed off as she noticed something shining through the remains of the statue. Frowning, she reached down to shift through the rubble to see what was causing it. And when she did, her eyes widened in shock.
Gold! A huge sack full of gold coins, gold bars, and pieces of gold jewelry was lying right there in front of her. Hell, there was even a gold, jewel-encrusted metal bikini that looked to be her exact size lying atop the rest of the loot. It was a miracle!
"What is this, the convent's secret stash?" she asked, before shaking off any curiosity in favor of excitement, "Who cares, never mind. Finders keepers. There's enough here to start a new life somewhere else, maybe even buy some mercenaries to send after Dib and his bimbos, and to burn this place down… nah, I'll just buy enough weapons to do it myself."
Mind now set on a plan, Gaz went into action. She quickly slipped on the metal bikini, which she was surprised to find really was perfectly sized for her, then hoisted the sack containing the rest of the gold over her shoulder and without a second thought ran towards the door, not planning to stop until the convent was far behind her. And all the while, she failed to notice the wisps of black smoke trailing from the bikini and the other gold, the lingering sign of the entity which had created these items for her, and was now able to latch onto her body and spirit through her claiming of them.
On the divine plane, Anansi somehow managed to go pale despite not actually having blood as he watched this. Too late, he realized that bad luck for a spoiled brat didn't necessarily mean good luck for everyone else. Especially not when the situation wouldn't look like bad luck to the brat in question, who would therefore just keep stumbling blindly into it.
The entity that had been trapped within that statue was none other than the chaotic trickster deity Yurugu, who had long ago been sealed by Amma as punishment for his crimes. But now that he'd tricked Gaz into taking possession of something made from his essence, he would slowly be able to merge with her on a metaphysical level, until she was just an extension of him. Which was why her cursed luck wasn't causing her to be intercepted before she could get out of the convent; that would technically be good luck, as the priestesses would realize what had happened and exorcise Yurugu from her before it was too late. So, her escaping was actually bad luck for her in the long run, and if it was also bad luck for the rest of the world too? Well, that was an unfortunate side effect.
Anansi swore angrily as he watched the newly-possessed Gaz escape from the convent and disappear into the jungle. Yurugu's power would protect Gaz from his direct interference, so he couldn't just cause her to bump into some shamans or fall into a volcano or something. He would have to be sneaky and play a long game to contain Gaz and/or separate Yurugu from her, while also simultaneously trying to contain the damage that would come of the other trickster being free in the world. It would take all of his focus and power, which meant he couldn't spend any time on trying to mitigate the situation Dib had gotten himself into.
He'd just have to hope that while he was keeping an age of chaos at bay, Dib didn't screw himself over too badly…
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A/N: And there we go, we're off to the races. Like I said, shorter than I'd normally do with my own work, but being just the start of an ongoing multi-chapter story, I guess it doesn't have to be epic length on its own.
Anyway, you should be aware going forward that this chapter is just a taste of what's to come. So again, if this sort of thing isn't your cup of tea, I respect that, and ask that you just ignore this story's existence. Please no flames.
See y'all next time, for more fun in the jungle.
Until then, please review!
