Disclaimer: We do not own Rizzoli & Isles, the characters belong solely to TNT and no profit has been made from the following story.
A/N: Y'all we are getting old! If not for the recent inability to stay awake and productive past ten o'clock this chapter would've been posted days ago, but one of us (me, 'spree, I'm the one) kept falling asleep in the editing process. So I finally finished reviewing my genius co-author's revisions (go driz!) and am happy to report, I think we rocked it.
As always all mistakes, timeline violations and questionable choices are ours. Hope you're all still enjoying the ride as we inch our way a little closer to the end, and of course Rizzles is endgame.
~RI~
The phone buzzing at her hip was taunting Jane. The detective held it in her hands, briefly contemplated answering it, only to watch the dim light fade from another missed call that she could add to the steadily growing list before sliding it back into her holster. Keys in hand, Jane paused, the guilt seeping in before shaking it off and heading to the door. The detective's hand was almost on the doorknob when the voicemail notification signaled for a second time and with a sigh, Jane fired off a quick response to the distracting woman who had been trying to reach her. Jane knew a text was the coward's way out but she also knew that her voice would completely betray her if she tried to lie to Maura about why she wouldn't be the one picking her up from the airport.
Chicken.
Paddy Doyle's trial was now in the rearview of their lives and life was returning to normal for the most part, but Jane was still struggling with the fallout from her talk with the recently incarcerated mobster. The gangster had orchestrated an exquisite symphony that had exposed how deeply her feelings for Maura ran, and if she were being honest she might have to admit that his manipulation of her sensibilities had been brilliant. Jane hadn't even realized what it was that she felt for her friend at the time, but when he had kidnapped the Chief M.E. it had triggered a response that the detective hadn't been prepared for.
Jane's stomach was churning at the thought of the conversation she needed to have with Maura. Her back and forth with Doyle sitting heavily atop her shoulders, the weight adding to the growing pressure at knowing she needed to come clean. Maura's entire life had been mired in secrets and lies and somehow Jane had allowed herself to be pulled into Paddy's web of shadows and deceit. The woman she loved deserved someone who wouldn't add to that darkness, and she knew she no longer deserved the life that Maura was ready to share with her. She knew despite how naive the good doctor was that Maura would see through her thinly veiled avoidance, and it was just a matter of time before their tentatively constructed bubble of newfound feelings came crashing down around them.
Jane knew that she only had herself to blame for putting them both in this position and hoped that when the time came the words wouldn't get stuck in the back of her throat. The raven-haired woman just held out hope that the fallout wouldn't be too much and that they could salvage their friendship, knowing how hard it would be having already blurred the line between friends and lovers.
~RI~
When Doyle had allowed his daughter to make a phone call before releasing her and Jane had answered "whatever you want I can get it," he saw an opening and he took it. The burner phone had been intended for Maura even though he doubted that she would use it. It was more a token of his paternal love, an olive branch to prove to his daughter that he was completely serious about protecting her at any cost. Paddy quickly realized the more they spoke that she was more virtuous than he had suspected so he decided to keep an eye on her the usual way he operated, from the shadows. But then she had made that call. Now he not only had Detective Rizzoli's personal cell phone number, but he also had the key to protecting his daughter from inside the police department. The desperation in the detective's voice was the tell he didn't know he'd needed, so when he sent that phone along with his righteous daughter he had bet she would confide in her best friend the detective, playing further into his machinations.
Of course she told Jane, who was already beating herself up for her failure to prevent the kidnapping that had happened right under her nose. Doyle's men had boldly entered the morgue and snatched his daughter, and the frightening realization that Maura was so easily kidnapped from her lab shook the raven-haired woman to her core. The rattled detective was an easy mark at that point, and he was not surprised when Jane and not Maura had been the one to call and give him Tommy O'Rourke. What he hadn't expected was that the call would be the first of many, or that he would grow to respect and trust the detective. He saw a kindred spirit in Jane, which had shocked the hell out of him, but there was no denying that her fierce devotion to Maura was equal to his own. Detective Rizzoli was the best he'd ever faced, but he honestly believed that he had her convinced that his freedom was necessary for Maura's survival. He wasn't angry that she had shot him, but he was full of righteous indignation that she had captured him and taken away his freedom. Out of spite he had threatened her, though in truth the burner phone he had based his empty threats on was untraceable. There were no recordings or call logs that would identify who made the calls or what those calls were about, but he was still really pissed off at Jane for her role in his arrest so he let her believe that he was one confession away from putting her in prison as well.
~RI~
You don't deserve her.
Doyle's words taunted Jane because she knew that they were true. Maura deserved more than a blue collar detective who willingly broke the law because it was the quicker way to protect the doctor. Jane could have used protective custody and done the leg work to arrest and convict Colin Doyle's murderer, but instead she let Paddy loose. She would never regret her actions, but knew she needed to let the honey blonde go to find happiness outside of their complex history and feelings. The detective knew the torture Maura had faced in being tied up, tasered and threatened with sexual assault because of their close bond. Charles Hoyt had gleefully sliced the brilliant doctor's neck with a scalpel just because it would hurt Jane, and the tiny scar that it created was a constant reminder that no good would come from them together. If all of that wasn't enough of a reminder, all Jane had to do was look at the scar on Maura's leg that she had put there.
And still, after all of that, Maura loved her. And how did Jane return that love? By arresting her. It would have been very easy to use that phone and have Doyle's men take Maura away, keep her safely hidden until Jane could prove her innocence. But Jane knew that there would have been no way the doctor would have agreed to those conditions, cowering in the shadows and being protected by her father's men. Instead, Jane had arrested, interrogated, and humiliated her. The detective also personally delivered her to a prison where she had been bullied and beaten, her only protection coming from a guard who was in Paddy's debt.
I don't deserve her, she'll be better off without me.
Jane had been alone with these thoughts for days. Her mother was still out of town and out of touch, and Maura was away at a Medical Examiner's conference. At first she had been grateful for the break, simply because it was too hard to think clearly when Maura was there every day. She needed the time to come to terms with what she needed to do in order to have any semblance of a future in law enforcement; Paddy had been crystal clear with his information, and she had no doubt that he had a record of every call she'd made with that cursed flip phone. The first thing she had done after dropping the honey blonde off at the airport was smash the damn thing and it was now in pieces at the bottom of the harbor. Now she had to shatter the honey blonde's heart while trying to maintain a professional relationship, and God help her, she was going to try to love the woman enough to be happy for her when she moved on.
~RI~
Maura had been looking forward to seeing Jane after the forced isolation of her luxury hotel room. Though the honey blonde had spent most of her life as a loner, the nights alone in the hotel had caused her to realize that she had grown accustomed to sleeping with the other woman beside her. Frustratingly, she found that sleep eluded her when they were apart. She was disappointed that the detective didn't answer when she called for a ride home, then frowned when she saw a text from the raven-haired woman stating that she was tied up and would be sending Korsak to get her.
"Welcome home, Doctor Isles. We sure have missed you around here," the big bear of a man said as he gave her a hug.
"Thank you sergeant, it's good to be back," she smiled, then asked "what's the big case that's got Jane tied up today that has you doing her bidding?" Maura prodded while she got as comfortable as possible in the passenger seat of Korsak's cruiser.
"Big case?" He asked, confusion evident in both his words and his tone, "She told me she was meeting with her landlord. Looks like the apartment is becoming a condo, so she needs to decide whether to buy it or move," he finished, expertly easing the pair into the hectic airport traffic.
"It's been in the process of becoming a condo for two months. The lease is legally binding until the end of the year," Maura replied, quickly realizing the pair had been told two drastically different things. The doctor knew not to bring that up with Vince and kept it tucked away for later before continuing. "I'm curious at the sudden urgency to decide," Maura finished, trailing off and trying not to get distracted with all the new thoughts swirling through her mind.
"Can't say for sure but I guess they got lawyers involved now. They've effectively terminated the lease and given her thirty days to sign the contract or vacate the premises. Sounds like they're pushing the timeline up," Korsak explained with a shrug, not noticing the doctor's furrowed brow as he focused on the road.
"They can't do that! Can they?" She asked, torn between being upset at the differences in the stories they received and being concerned about Jane's living situation.
"I haven't seen the lease," he shrugged, "but there are often clauses buried in the fine print that favor the landlord. I wouldn't be surprised if it's in there and it was overlooked at signing."
"Then I want to see it," Maura said with a growl. "Jane has often talked about numerous things over the years, especially concerning are the recent water issues she was telling me about. I can't imagine it will be cost effective for Jane to hire a plumber every time that happens," she ranted. "You don't think she expects me to, you know, try to talk her out of it do you?" She asked, carefully wording her question to avoid letting anything slip.
"No idea," he replied. "Knowing Jane your opinion won't mean a thing if she's already made up her mind about it."
"She's ridiculous," Maura huffed, "she's the most intimidating person I've ever met. Why is she letting them push her around like this?" Maura was genuinely concerned about the bind the detective might find herself in if she made the wrong decision. Setting aside her current grievances, the honey blonde gave some thought to the options they would have if things didn't work out with the condo process.
"My guess is that she doesn't want to be homeless," he surmised, "and even though every one of us would take her in, she's not going to ask for our help.'
"She could stay with me until she finds something," Maura smiled, "I love having her there and I have the extra room. I think I'll suggest it tonight when I see her."
"I think you're forgetting that her mother already lives in your guest house," he observed.
"I have a guest room," she countered, "it even has its own bathroom! Jane would exclusively have her own living space without interference from me or her mother." Maura finished, trying to sound as objective as possible while feeling a slight redness creeping up her cheeks before glancing out the window to cover before Korsak could notice.
Guest room? Okay Doctor Denial.
~RI~
After an awkward and public welcome that saw Susie Chang displaying more emotion than Jane or Maura, the detective informed her that she was happy to give her a lift home but that it would be a curbside drop off because her mother would most likely be there when they arrived.
"I just spoke with Angela," a confused Maura replied. "She said she's not coming back until tomorrow." The honey blonde was beginning to sense an emerging pattern but held her tongue, curious where this would lead.
Dammit Ma, just once could you work with me and not against me?
"Oh really? Okay, great," Jane hurriedly replied before firing off a text to invite the boys over for the game, effectively offering herself a buffer she was sure she was going to need.
"Jane, I wanted to talk to you about -"
"I should be done here around five," the detective interrupted, "then I'll come to your office when I'm ready, okay?"
Perplexed by this very different Jane, Maura said, "Okay, see you then."
The detective's hurried response stung. Maura wasn't sure she had seen Jane bolt that quickly from any of their interactions in the past but had no time to question it when she was already staring at the raven-haired woman's retreating form.
~RI~
The ride home had been quiet despite Jane blasting her music and leaving Maura to her own thoughts. Little did Maura know, Jane was struggling with knowing she let Doyle under her skin, allowing him to use her fear to manipulate her to do his dirty work and become the leak in the department. Jane's crippling fear of losing Maura had led her to make a deal with the devil and it didn't take long for the devil to collect.
Shutting off the car and reaching for the door handle, Jane was stopped by Maura's hand on her arm and a softly spoken, "We need to talk." The detective swallowed thickly.
"I know," Jane stalled, "but first can I have a beer?"
"Sure," the honey blonde acquiesced, "but then we are talking about the trial, my trip, and the terrible decision you're about to make."
"Terrible decision?" A guilty Jane asked, panic briefly welling up at the accusation.
"You're not buying that condo," Maura replied, fumbling for the door handle.
Did Jane look relieved? That's not right.
"Beer first," Jane answered as she got out of the car.
"You already bought it, didn't you?" Maura asked, the entire picture crystal clear as she observed the detective's dodgy behavior.
"Beer," Jane replied, walking with a purpose toward the house.
"Oh my god, you did! Jane!" Maura exclaimed, hurrying after the detective as quickly as her heels would allow.
The detective shrugged her shoulders as she walked into the house, leaving a perplexed Maura to shake her head in disappointment and follow.
They had just walked into the kitchen when Korsak arrived with a pizza and a six pack, and Jane was grateful for the distraction.
Perfect timing.
"Frost and Frankie are at the game, but they sent their love," the sergeant explained. "They got seats behind home plate, let's see if we can spot them!" Korsak motioned toward the television while he set his offerings down on the island counter.
Maura was uncharacteristically quiet throughout the game, and even though she was polite and attentive, both detectives noticed how "off" she seemed to be. She had been up and on the plane early that morning, and the lack of sleep and travel fatigue soon had her yawning and struggling to stay awake. After clearing the table and loading the dishwasher she poured a glass of wine and retired to her chair by the fireplace. Shooting Jane a worried glance, Vince rose and announced that he needed to use the bathroom. Moving to kneel next to the pensive woman, Jane asked, "Are you okay?"
"I could ask you the same thing." Maura fired back with more bite than Jane anticipated.
"I deserve that," the detective admitted, "but you first."
"I can't believe you bought that money pit!" Maura answered
"It's my home Maura, why can't you respect that?" Jane countered, not realizing this would be such an issue for the other woman.
"Home is anywhere you make it," the M.E. replied, "and if you were worried about where to go until you found another place you could have stayed here. You've been practically living here lately anyhow, so why the rush to buy?" Maura pushed, hoping to get a straight answer from the detective.
"There was a deadline to decide and I panicked?" Jane lied, knowing the rush was because she couldn't allow herself to entertain the idea of actually living with Maura, especially now that she had to let her go. It was going to be hell to watch her fall in love with someone else, but to be under the same roof while it was happening? That was a torment she couldn't bear.
"Only desperate sellers have immediate deadlines," Maura groaned, "I really wish you would have listened to me."
"Well, I didn't," Jane said with a goofy grin, "so there's that. Now, what is it that's really bothering you?"
Seeing Korsak walk back into the room the M.E. stood and said, "I'm just tired Jane, it's been a long day. If you'll excuse me, I think I'll turn in. Good night sergeant, Jane." Jane could tell that wasn't entirely the truth but didn't push with Korsak getting comfortable on the couch.
"Good night," they said in unison as Jane pulled two tumblers from the cabinet.
As he poured the scotch Korsak said, "Do you wanna talk about it?"
"She was so much happier when she didn't know where she came from," Jane said as she ran a frustrated hand through her hair. "Now that she knows the truth she's moody and miserable. Can you imagine being her right now? The Chief Medical Examiner who spends her days in the justice system and her nights with cops finds out that of the millions of men on the planet that could have fathered her, she got one of Boston's most notorious gangsters."
"True," Korsak responded as he poured another shot into both of their cups, "but she seemed to handle herself with grace and poise throughout the trial." Korsak pointed out, feeling like Jane wasn't giving the other woman enough credit.
Jane paused for a moment, searching for the words to explain the complicated woman she knew almost as well as she knew herself. "Grace and poise are Maura's armor," she said, "I've learned that the more together she seems, the more I need to be concerned about her emotional well-being." Jane carefully navigated, not wanting to divulge too much and violate the honey blonde's confidence.
"And what about your well-being?" He countered, a knowing look in his eyes as he continued, "You've been off ever since the RICO trial ended, and I know you visited Doyle after the verdict."
Jane was silent in response, the urge to confess palpable as she stood in her best friend's kitchen and considered the idiocy of her own actions. After a long moment, she raised her head and looked her mentor in the eyes and lied, "I'm fine, I just wanted closure with that bastard and to warn him to leave her the hell alone."
"Does she know?" he asked.
"I didn't tell her, she's already dealing with so much thanks to us."
"Thanks to us? I'd say thanks to her parents, or her brother, or Tommy O'Rourke," Korsak argued, "until O'Rourke murdered Colin Doyle her life was much less complicated. We had nothing to do with any of that, and never would have if the murder hadn't landed in our jurisdiction." Vince finished, not willing to back down.
"Really Vince?" Jane asked with such venom that it took him by surprise. "She just watched our superior officer put a gun to her father's head. Then she, the one person who should never have been put in that position, intervened and defused the situation. She's stood by and watched us blur the lines of right and wrong for days to protect the lieutenant, who by rights should be in jail. We forced her to be his doctor Vince! The man who attacked her father did so after he spent the night right there on her couch as her patient. Do you realize how messed up that is? And let's not forget that she bullied her mother into putting her father on death row," Jane growled as she emptied her glass in one swallow.
"She stood right there," Jane started, tears in her eyes, "just the other day, and told me how conflicted she felt about drugs like Lorazepam. It led to a really long discussion that made it very clear to me that she would never, unless she had no choice, make the decision to drug anyone against their will. Then..."
"We forced her to," Korsak finished for her.
"We did. Specifically, I forced her to," the tortured detective admitted.
"We were all equally responsible, it's not just on you," he soothed, "I wish I had known." Korsak deflated after hearing Jane's words.
"There's the rub," she said, "I was the one who knew, and I forced her anyhow." Jane finished with a shrug, her hands fidgeting with her empty glass to avoid her mentor's gaze.
He nodded in understanding, his concern growing deeper as she continued to talk. Each statement cemented the truth of how deeply the two women had fallen for each other, but he decided to remain silent for a moment as she finished her train of thought.
"The media attention isn't helping," Jane continued, "you know she doesn't normally mind being in the spotlight, but lately the focus isn't on who she really is or how much good she actually does. All they care about is that she's Paddy Doyle's daughter," She paused as she stared into her glass, then whispered, "and that her best friend arrested both of them."
"You were just doing your job, Jane," he remarked as he reached for the bottle and poured another round, "and we avoided the perp walk and were very discreet with her arrest. There's no way anyone outside of BPD knew it was you." Vince soothed, trying to offer a small comfort in knowing they kept that bit locked away from the public.
"Paddy Doyle knows everything that happens in Boston," Jane replied, "especially when it comes to Hope and Maura. Trust me, he knows." Tossing back the shot she added. "He knew it was messy and that she was framed. He knew that she was questioned while she was still under the influence and he knew that it was at Cavanaugh's insistence."
"You don't know that for sure," he argued as he refilled her tumbler.
"Yeah, I do," she insisted, "I wasn't going to show anyone this but..." trailing off she handed him a folded up piece of paper. Jane watched his eyes widen in surprise.
"He thinks Sean pushed it on purpose because Maura's his biological daughter? That's insane!" Korsak barked, compelling Jane to place a hand over his mouth to shush him.
"I didn't tell her," she whispered. "I don't want her to know."
"No need to upset her any more than she already is," he agreed, sliding the paper back across the counter.
"I think his defense team is going to try to prove that we framed him just like they think we framed her." Jane figured, the thought leaving a bitter taste in her mouth.
"Makes sense," he shrugged, "God, I'm glad she isn't dating a cop."
"She's always been pretty strict about not dating who she works with," Jane lied as she took another drink.
"Good thing," he continued, "because if she were it could compromise everything we've accomplished. Could you imagine coming this far only to see him walk on that kind of technicality?" Korsak let out a low whistle and shook his head.
"Why would he walk?" Jane questioned, her heart thumping wildly in her chest.
"A good lawyer could argue conflict of interest," Vince sighed as he rubbed his hand across his eyes, "and with the right judge or jury he could get off."
Jane was silent as her brain scrambled to extinguish the endless stream of damning thoughts erupting like wildfires inside of her mind, her facial expressions broadcasting the internal war to the sergeant as clearly as if she had spoken them out loud.
"For example," Korsak expounded, "if she had dated Frankie, Doyle's team would have a slam dunk. The brother of the lead detective?" He shuddered to finish that thought, and Jane was pretty sure she got the message.
"It's a good thing she only sees you guys as brothers," Jane replied, "but isn't it a problem that my mother lives with her?"
"Nah, your mother is a tenant with her own address, she's a private citizen and nobody cares who her landlord is."
"She doesn't pay rent," Jane smirked, "doesn't that make it living together and not a landlord and tenant situation?"
"Maura's tax documents list the guest house as a sublet," Korsak smiled, "that makes her a legal tenant."
"Smart," the detective grinned, "Maura is always one step ahead." The raven-haired woman had to appreciate the doctor's foresight in thinking about everything.
"But you're not," Vince stated without inflection, causing her head to snap up and her stomach to drop. For the second time in her life she could not bring herself to look him in the eyes.
"People are talking Jane. They see you two together, and they think they know," he paused as she reacted in what could only be described as guilty shock, her entire body telegraphing that she felt betrayed by his words. "You don't have to say anything, just listen. Personally, I don't care and will defend you to the death, but Frost? He's jealous, and he thinks he knows things. He's had a crush on you for a long time and he is resentful of Doctor Isles. That's why I told you to leave him alone the other night, he was in a wicked bad mood because he thought he saw something between you two earlier that evening."
"When?" She challenged, "Because I promise you, there was nothing to see." Jane pushed defensively, the walls starting to feel tighter as they closed in with Korsak's words.
"After we left you two to wait for Hope, Frost realized that he'd dropped his phone in the driveway. We came back to get it and I don't know what he saw or heard, but I know he's been in a rotten mood ever since." Korsak offered lightly clearly knowing they were treading in uncharted territory with their conversation.
Jane's guts churned as she thought back on that night, remembering her reaction to seeing the lieutenant drugged and the not so professional moment between her and Maura in the courtyard.
"What he saw was innocent, I swear it." Jane swallowed, still avoiding direct eye contact.
"Not to Frost." Vince offered gently, his heart going out the the woman across from him, knowing the impossible situation the detective had found herself in.
Jane had tears in her eyes as she absorbed her mentor's words. The trial, the secrets, the stress of the past forty-eight hours and now this attack were all too much. Fist pressed to her mouth to stifle her sobs, she shook and struggled to regain her composure as he stood beside her in silent support. Emotion won in the end, and she collapsed in his arms as she cried inconsolably. When she was finally able to speak she admitted, "I don't even know who I am anymore, Vince, and it scares me. I've done things that I'm not proud of, but I would one hundred percent make the same wrong choices over and over again. I called -"
"Shut up, Jane," he interrupted, "because I think you are about to tell me something that I don't want to know. If you don't tell me, I can't testify. Understand?"
"Yeah," she whispered, eyes on the floor.
"You do what you need to do to protect family," he whispered, and his choice of words cemented the fact that he had known the truth all along.
'That's what you said at Tommy O'Rourke's murder scene," she replied.
"I did," he responded, "and it still rings true." He said firmly.
"Why didn't you tell me? Do you know how hard it's been to live with this secret?"
"What secret?" he asked with an air of innocence, "because as far as I know there is no secret. Understand?"
"If I don't tell you, you can't know," she grumbled, "yes, I understand."
"And for God's sake, don't tell Maura! The woman that cannot lie shouldn't be burdened with keeping that type of secret. If you need to confess, go to church."
"Okay," she replied, "I know you're right, but it's a lot to handle on my own."
"You made the decisions that put you here on your own," he reminded the forlorn woman, "from here on out, try to do better."
~RI~
After she locked the door behind Korsak, Jane stood in absolute trauma in the center of Maura's living room. The part of her that wanted to follow her heart screamed at her to just go upstairs and crawl into bed and live her life the way that made her happy. But the part of her that was ruled by her brain demanded that she pass her unworthy ass out on the couch and sleep off this alcohol induced haze before confronting the future that had been created by the terrible choices that she had made.
In the end the idea of abandoning Maura on what was arguably one of the longest days of her life was the deciding factor, so the detective climbed the stairs and took a quick shower before crawling into clean pajamas and sliding in next to the only person she would ever truly love. Sighing as she considered what the future held for them, she curled up behind the sleeping woman and tucked her chin into the hollow of her shoulder. Lips pressed lovingly against the soft skin of the honey blonde's neck, Jane decided that she could do this, she could love her enough to let her go.
Just not tonight.
~RI~
"So what do you think, Jane?"
Ever since she had come down the steps to find the detective silently sipping coffee at the counter, Maura had been trying and failing to initiate conversation. This time she had placed paint chips in front of the distracted woman, asking for her input on the final choice to no avail.
"Lime, mint or pear?" Maura sat patiently, watching the raven-haired woman stuck in her own world, oblivious to her questions.
"Huh?" Jane stirred, registering that Maura had asked a question but completely missing it.
"For the guest bathroom Jane, which shade do you prefer?" Maura asked again, her eyebrow lifting just slightly as the concern for the detective continued to grow.
"Whatever you pick will be fine Maura, you have great taste." Jane replied distractedly hoping it would settle the great paint inquisition.
"I went with lavender in the master bath, I think it would be fitting to go with pear in the guest suite," the honey blonde smiled, the association between Jane and lavender so strong that she hadn't hesitated to select that color when she'd been painting her master bath.
Truth be told, that was also why she'd chosen that color for the accent wall in her bedroom.
"Sounds good," a distracted Jane mumbled as she stared into her coffee.
"Okay, spill it," the honey blonde replied, her lack of patience finally winning out. Maura couldn't contain it any longer and looking at the despondent woman sitting across from her she had to know what was going on and if they could find a solution.
"Spill what?" the detective asked, knowing in her heart of hearts that the moment had finally come.
Maura stared in response, waiting for the raven-haired woman to fill the silence.
Tell her Jane, it's time.
"I like the pear."
Chicken.
"Jane..." Maura pressed, knowing a deflection when when she saw one.
The ringing of their phones was a blessed intervention, and their conversation was shelved once "Rizzoli" and "Isles" broke the silence.
~RI~
Angela returned home that afternoon and Jane, who was still not ready to forgive her mother for betraying Maura, spent the night in her condo. It had been a long day and the detective had been exhausted when she finally got home that night, so she ignored the dishes in her sink (courtesy of Tommy who had been there a few days with Jo Friday) and drank a few beers and passed out before she could even consider taking a shower. A note from Tommy taped to the bathroom door stated that there was no water, and when she flushed the toilet and saw the lack of water pressure she had called maintenance requesting service.
The next morning when she woke up and went for a run she noticed that her car had a flat tire. Cursing her bad luck she had rushed inside to put on coffee and take a shower, but when she turned the faucet on a gooey, smelly brown liquid came oozing out.
"What the hell?" she snapped as she ran down the hall to the bathroom, only to find the exact same issue with the water in there. "Son of a bitch," she growled, then grabbed her phone to call Maura and ask for a ride to work. She knew she had hurt the other woman's feelings when she'd insisted on coming home last night, but she had to put some space between them so that she could work out the best way to explain what she had done and what it meant for their future.
No water? Flat tire? Probably the universe's way of telling you something Jane.
Scrambling to find something clean to wear took a lot longer than it should have, since Jane had been basically living at Maura's long enough that the majority of her work clothes were somewhere in the numerous clothes piles of the Beacon Hill laundry room.
"Jane!" Maura snapped as she opened the detective's front door. "I'm double parked! Come on!"
"Just, give me a sec!" an exasperated Jane growled in response.
"You know, I've given you twelve hundred secs," an aggravated Maura retorted as she closed the door behind her. "I've been sitting outside waiting for you."
"Just. Chill. Out." Jane grumbled as she walked into the kitchen and snapped her phone into the holster on her waist.
"Why?" Maura challenged as she moved closer to the surly detective. "Bad mood? Maybe the flat tire was an omen and you should stay home today. Have you even showered?"
Omen. A sign. Tell her Jane.
"No!" Jane whined instead. "This is what you look like when there's no running water!"
"Again?" Maura asked in disbelief, the "I told you so" implied in her tone.
Before Jane could reply the skeevy building manager arrived to interrupt their argument. Then Tommy, who had blessedly agreed to walk Jo Friday, arrived with the mutt in tow.
Their stop at Boston Joe's led to a nightmare for the detective, who ended up being sued by a customer in the coffee shop after Jane bumped into her at the counter and accidentally spilled her coffee on the rude woman.
Jane tried to focus on their case, but her concentration kept getting interrupted by news reports and viral videos of the incident. It didn't take long before she was served with a lawsuit when the reality that she was not only on her own, but that her bad luck was most likely karma kicking her ass sank in.
There was no peace to be found at home, so Jane had relented and accepted Maura's offer to stay at her place until her water was fixed. Angela was waiting for them and greeted her overstressed daughter with open arms. Jane burst into tears in her mother's embrace, which prompted the elder Rizzoli to calm her down, feed her, then call Korsak for help.
"Jane?" Maura tentatively said once the detective had calmed down.
"Yeah Maura?"
"You can shower first. The guest bath is in the process of being painted, it won't be usable for a few days."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure," the honey blonde smiled, "I'm going to catch up with Angela while I wait."
"Thank you," Jane whispered before quickly making her exit to leave the two women alone so she could drown her sorrows in a steaming hot shower.
"You're welcome." Maura offered a faint smile before watching her walk off further into the residence.
After her shower Jane pulled on a clean tank top and yoga pants, then gravitated toward the yoga room. Walking into this room always brought back the sweetest memories and gave her such a sense of peace, the newly decorated space doing nothing to stop the flashbacks of the first time she'd made love to her beautiful friend. Her back was tight, so she grabbed Maura's yoga ball and laid back on it in the way the honey blonde had taught her to ease the pain, and was pleasantly surprised when she heard footsteps in the hall.
"Oh, I didn't know you were in here," Maura smiled as she walked into the room. Their easy banter was a balm to the worried detective's soul, and she smiled when she sat up and saw that Maura was settling into the window seat in her pajamas drinking a cup of tea.
"You're a very good detective, and a very good person," Maura softly stated. "Once you've had your coffee." The beautiful smile that accompanied that statement softened the words, and Jane found herself admitting, "Yeah, I let the little things get to me today."
"We all do Jane," Maura soothed, "just take a deep breath and stay in the present."
Jane's phone buzzed just then, breaking the silence that had fallen between the two of them. They discussed the new developments in the case, then Jane asked if her mother and Korsak were still in the kitchen discussing legal strategies.
"The sergeant was just leaving when I came down," Maura answered, "and your mother took her tea and left."
Maura, I fucked up.
"Maura..." was what came out instead, a pained plea that conveyed a struggle within the embattled detective.
"I meant it Jane, it was one moment in a life. You had a bad day, it was a single moment. You've had them before, you will have them again. Why won't you let me help you?"
"I can't take your money, Maura, that would create a trail," Jane began with her eyes pinned to the floor, "and I can't move in with you because..."
"Because why?" the honey blonde softly challenged.
"Because even sleeping in separate rooms, I would see you looking just the way you look right now. Fresh from the shower, no makeup on and my God, you are the most gorgeous person I've ever seen. And I would want you."
Jane's breathing was heavy, her eyes almost black with desire, and Maura was dripping in response.
"Because I can look at you, across a room, and know that you are as turned on as I am. I see your eyes darkening and the heat crawling up your neck and I know that you are so wet and so ready and I can smell you, I can taste you, and it's torment that I can't have you. Do you know how much restraint I'm showing right now, when every fiber of my being is screaming at me to cross this room and bury my face in the delicious heat between your legs?"
"Jane..." it came out in a guttural moan, a distressed plea for the relief that only the detective could give.
"But my mother is right out there, and she lives here and could come barging in at any time. And everything is so messed up right now, there are so many reasons that this cannot happen but if I keep staying here? And I keep seeing you like this?" Jane stopped, took a deep breath, then stood and said, "I won't be able to control myself, so I can't."
"Why can't you, Jane? What has changed so much that you and I have to pretend that we don't belong together?" There was no judgement, no hate or hurt in the question, it was a simply stated inquiry seeking a logical response.
"I made a mistake," Jane whispered, letting out a shaky breath.
"There's no mistake we can't overcome," the honey blonde insisted, "surely it can't be that bad."
Tears running down her cheeks, the detective replied, "It is."
"Can you tell me what happened?" Maura asked, her voice laden with concern, eyes swimming with emotions.
"No," the detective sighed. "I'm so sorry Maura, but I can't." The detective shook her head, closing down that avenue of questioning, knowing she could never tell the other woman.
"You can't? Is that all the explanation I deserve?" Maura asked. Jane could hear the pleading in her voice, the ache clear as day for Jane to hear.
When Jane just looked at the floor in response, Maura angrily continued. "You know what, Jane? I'm sick of these excuses and tired of your childish behavior!" Hot tears stung hazel eyes as she continued. "I don't deserve to be treated like a convenience, like a favorite toy you take down off the shelf to play with whenever you're bored with your latest distraction. So tell me Jane, who could you tell your terrible little secret to? Korsak? Frost? Agent Dean? Because I know how much more important they are to you than I am!" Maura finished hotly, the color creeping up her neck at the heated display of emotion.
Taking a moment to collect her thoughts, Jane rubbed her hands together in the way that she always did when she was absolutely terrified, a tiny detail that most people wouldn't notice. Maura noticed. Reaching to take those traumatized hands in her own, she was shocked to find them sweaty and shaking. Seeing her detective terrified tempered her previous angry outburst.
"Jane?" she whispered, her concern deeper now that she recognized the physical response to the detective's mental anguish.
"Nobody is more important than you, you hear me?" a teary eyed Jane began. "You are so important to me that I am scared to death of the things I would do to protect you. My own feelings, they terrify me. You deserve..." Jane paused, searched for the right word and realized there wasn't a word yet invented that defined what she was trying to say. "Everything," she finally said with a smile, "you deserve the world, and you deserve to be free to live your life with somebody who is worthy of your love." When Maura shook her head and opened her mouth to argue Jane silenced her, then continued. "What I've done is something that cannot be undone, and it is only a matter of time until my indiscretions are exposed. I can't let you take the fall with me, not when you were as innocent as I was complicit."
Blinking back tears, Maura took a deep breath and asked. "So you would rather watch me live my life with somebody else than tell me what you did?"
"You can't be forced to testify if you don't know what happened." Jane explained, avoiding the answer Maura was looking for.
Maura felt like she'd been kicked in the stomach at the admission, then asked, "What have you done?" The honey blonde's voice dangerously low and dripping with concern.
"What I needed to do. This is so much bigger than us, so much more important than my happiness. It's for the greater good Maura, and you? You deserve so much more than what I can offer. You deserve so much more than a cranky blue collar detective with legal issues and a bad attitude, and I know you will find it because you are amazing," Jane's voice cracked as she stumbled over the words. "You and I are going to have to be satisfied with our friendship. Please tell me that you can do the same, because I can't imagine a life without you in it." Jane was begging, unable to fathom what she would do if Maura said she couldn't.
The scientist in Maura went into her problem solving mode, her heart and soul shredding as she realized that Jane's explanation made perfect sense. Looking at the only person she knew she would ever completely love, her eyes welled with tears as she opened her mouth to speak. Jane expected a debate, a fight, an absolute refusal to accept that it had come to this. Instead, Maura surprised them both by offering the simplest of solutions. "When a computer malfunctions, what is the easiest way to fix it?"
"Unplug it?" Jame responded curiously, not understanding the honey blonde's redirect.
"No," Maura patiently replied, "you reset it to the last time that it functioned properly. So Jane, I need you to go outside and knock on my door."
"What, really?" the detective asked, her eyebrows raising toward her hairline in confusion.
"Please," Maura asked, "but before you do can you kiss me one last time?" The heartbreak in her voice was evident and Jane couldn't deny such a request, regardless of how much it was going to hurt.
The kiss was gentle at first, soft and slow and sweet. Maura's slightly parted lips proved too tempting, and before she thought better of it Jane increased the intensity of the kiss and slipped her tongue inside the nectar laden velvet of that exquisite mouth. Maura responded with a growl, her own tongue sliding into the delicious and familiar warmth of her beloved's mouth before reality struck and she pushed the breathless detective away. "Are you sure this is what you want?" Maura asked as she ran a hand through her slightly disheveled hair. Jane just nodded in return, then went to open the door and step outside.
Feeling ridiculous, Jane raised her hand to knock.
"Hello and welcome to my home," Maura said as she answered the door, "I'm Doctor Maura Isles, Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. You must be Detective Rizzoli?"
"Yeah, I'm Detective Rizzoli, but you can call me Jane. It's nice to meet you Doctor Isles." Jane played along, the pain seeping in at the decision being made.
Jane reached to shake the honey blonde's hand in greeting, smiling stiffly when she heard, "Call me Maura. Please, come inside. As it is rather late I've prepared the guest room, I hope it's to your liking. I know we have an early start tomorrow so I figured this would work best, please let me show you to your room."
"Thank you," Jane replied, her heart breaking as she followed the woman up the stairs. Stopping at the door to the guest quarters, Maura turned the handle and Jane was shocked to find that it was a carbon copy of the guest room in Maura's first townhouse, the bed linens the exact same set that had been on the very first bed they'd ever slept in together.
"Sweet dreams, detective," Maura said softly, "I'll see you in the morning."
Noticing the turtle shaped night light made Jane laugh out loud, and when Maura asked what was so funny Jane smiled and said, "A turtle? Really?"
"Tortoise," an amused Maura corrected, hazel eyes sparkling as she explained, "I once had a conversation with a friend who explained that really tough days sometimes require a nightlight to be on to ward off the bad dreams. Right after that, every room acquired a nightlight."
"You don't know? You're gorgeous, my friend."
"Nightlight on or off?" "On! I can't wait until this is over."
They smiled at the shared memory, at the innocence of life before Paddy Doyle had come crashing into it.
"Good night Doctor Isles, sleep tight."
