As soon as we're inside my house, Valerie makes a swan dive onto my couch. She shimmies onto her back, kicking her shoes off before she rolls over to look at me with a grin. "So, what are we playing?"

When she used to come over all the time, I had a bunch of games to choose from, though most of them are in my room now. I moved them up there the day dad destroyed a bunch of them after my grades came back for that semester. Sophomore year, about a month before mom left.

"My games are upstairs," I say, already moving toward the staircase. "I'll call down and tell you what I have." I'm on the fourth stair when I hear Valerie move from the couch and start after me. My room's a little… different since the last time she was here and I consider telling her that. But she'll see soon enough.

I twist the door open and hear her step hitch as I move through my room. I drop my backpack onto the floor and turn toward my bookshelf. "So, you feeling more like a shooter game or something a little tamer?" I ask, sparing a glance in her direction. She's staring around my room like she can't decide whether to believe this is the same place or not.

Valerie turns in a half-circle as she surveys my bare walls, free of the obnoxious posters I had hanging up throughout my sophomore year. After mom left, I lost the ability to care about stupid shit like that. The only one I really cared about was one that mom gave me. It was a mini-poster of NSYNC I kept partially hidden by my headboard but after she left, I knew dad wouldn't let that stay up for too long. So, it went too. After all, boys don't listen to that kind of music.

"It's a little different, I know," I say into the silence and Valerie glances over her shoulder at me. She nods once before going back to surveying my room. Her arms are crossed and her hands are tightening into fists. I don't know what's going through her head but I'm dying to know and also hoping she never says a word.

I pull my games off the shelf they're on and drop them onto my bed. "You should come pick one so we can get started. Unless you're too afraid of me kicking your ass."

Valerie moves toward my bed and while her eyes skim over the discs, I don't think she's really seeing them. "Are these it?" she asks softly, reaching out to touch the beat up case that houses Halo. The only one I managed to salvage after dad's rampage. "I thought you had more than this…"

"Yeah, I did," I respond, scratching at the back of my head. I can't explain about why I sold some for car parts or why dad destroyed some. That's not what today's supposed to be about. "But y'know, I didn't play with half of them anymore so whatever."

She looks up at me and I'm forced to meet her gaze after a few awkward seconds of silence. I don't like the look in her eyes and she suddenly steps closer to me, grasping my hand like it's a fucking life line or something.

"Dash are you… you're not… I mean, you're okay, right?" Her voice is barely above a whisper when she asks and I can't stand the shake in her voice. What the fuck did I do to worry her and how can I make it right again?

"I'm fine," I say, watching her eyebrows draw down and mine quickly follow. "Val, what the fuck are you talking about? You're starting to scare me."

Valerie glances back at the pile of games on my bed before focusing on me with a look that's so filled with worry, it makes my stomach lurch. "It's just… people give away things when they're not… when they're unhappy, Dash," she says softly, meeting my gaze after a few seconds. "You're not… planning on doing anything to yourself, are you?"

Oh my fucking god.

My hand comes up to pinch the bridge of my nose as I try to wrap my head around how she got there. How she came to the conclusion that I'm thinking of killing myself because of a few missing video games. Jesus Christ, she should write movies.

"No, Valerie. I'm not," I say, meeting her gaze when I lift my head. A scoff leaves me and I gesture toward my bed. "You came up with that because I'm missing some video games?"

Valerie takes a step away from me and looks at the pile again. "Not just because of that." She reaches out and takes a few cases, flipping through them absentmindedly. I can tell she's not really paying attention to whatever she's picked up because she's watching me from the corner of her eye.

"What else makes you think that?" I ask, folding my arms over my chest when she looks back at me. She drops the game onto my bed instantly, moving back toward me. Her hands are gentle on my chest and she moves them up to my neck, pulling my head down to hers. Our foreheads meet and she breathes out slowly.

"I heard you missed the first week of practice and you didn't actually make it to try out day," she whispers, her voice trembling as she speaks. Guilt ties a knot in my gut and I let out a low, shaky breath. "And you apparently broke up with Paulina? And Kwan said you still haven't fixed the brakes in your car and I just thought… god, Dash, I shouldn't have left you this summer."

My chest aches the longer she talks and I breathe out, placing my hands on her cheeks. "Stop. I'm okay," I whisper back, leaning up just long enough to brush my lips against her forehead before I'm resting against hers again. "I'm glad you went this summer. If you hadn't… you wouldn't have this job opportunity."

She's quiet and I know she feels guilty. It's not her fault. I would be fucked up with or without her here. It doesn't matter either way. Kwan is always telling me he's sorry for what my dad's done. For the way my mom left me here alone. It's not his fault either. It's mine. I can't stand that my two best friends carry any sort of guilt or pain for what's happened to me. If I wasn't such a fuck up, mom and dad would still be together and dad wouldn't get so angry all the time. I blow at math but I understand common denominators. It's me, it has to be.


It takes some coaxing but Valerie eventually believes that I'm okay and she picks a game. Neither one of us are really interested in anything too plot heavy or anything we have to pay attention to so we go with a classic. Donkey Kong.

Kwan gifted me with the latest version for Christmas and I haven't been able to convince myself to play it. Which only makes Valerie shoot me a suspicious glance as we head down the stairs together. I quickly tear the plastic off, hoping it eases some of the tension in her expression.

"Man, I've been wanting to play this game. Glad I finally have someone that can help me kick ass," I say over my shoulder as I load it into the disc player. She settles on the floor against the front of the couch and I give her my best attempt at a smile.

She returns the smile easily and glances down at her phone while I grab two controllers next to the console. "I don't remember when I changed out the batteries so it may die on you," I warn her before passing the controller her way.

I can still feel some of the awkward tension from upstairs when she takes the remote from my hands, her fingers just barely ghosting over the back of mine. I want to tell her that I'm okay and I'll still be okay next week and next month and next year because I am. I'm okay. Or at least, I'm good at bullshitting it when I'm not.

After I drop my remote onto the couch, I take a second to push the coffee table further out so we can fit behind it comfortably, before returning to her side, snatching up my remote. "My house so I'm Donkey Kong," I say, jabbing her in the side with my elbow. She laughs and sets her phone on the floor in between us.

"Okay, fine," she says, quickly choosing Diddy. I roll my eyes as soon as she selects him, letting out a small scoff. She glances toward me with another laugh, jabbing me with her elbow this time. "What? I love him!"

"You only love him because I don't," I respond, smiling when she laughs. God, she's one of the only people that I love hearing laugh. There's something about listening to someone else laugh that's almost hypnotic. Hers is musical and even though I want to keep playing at feeling grumpy, I can't keep in a small laugh of my own. "Whatever, let's just play."


When seven rolls around, Valerie makes me pause the game to order Chinese food. She says she'd do it but she's conveniently lost her phone. I'm pretty sure it's a cheap gimmick to avoid being the one to pay. I wander into the kitchen to give the order and I can hear her moving around in the living room. Probably "searching" for her phone.

The guy taking my order has me give my address twice because he doesn't hear the first time and I'm rattling it off for the second time as I move back into the living room. Valerie's pulled the couch out and is staring down at something in her hand when I get finished.

I don't even hear the guy tell me when the food'll be here because I realize what the fuck Valerie's holding. I hit end on the call before I've even finished saying, "See you then" and let out a shaky breath.

The quiet stretches over the both of us and Valerie looks up from the letter, meeting my gaze in an instant. Her stare is hesitant at first, confused, but one look at me and she knows why it's under the couch. Who else would I avoid a letter from? I'm gonna puke. My gut's twisting around itself as I watch her expression shift back to the concern she always wears around me.

"Dash…" she trails off, her gaze dropping to the letter again. I can't do this. I can't fucking handle this today. This wasn't supposed to end like this. Goddammit, we were supposed to kick each other's asses at the game and eat so much Chinese food we made ourselves sick.

Valerie meets my gaze and there's so much concern in her expression, it's suffocating. No, I don't want to do this. The shit I deal with shouldn't be able to stain so many areas of my life. God, why can't it just stay away for a little while?

"Why haven't you opened this?" Valerie asks and I snap. Before I've even thought it through, I've moved across the floor and snatched the letter from her hand. I know it startles her because she takes a small step back.

"Cause I don't want to," I respond. My hands are shaking again and fuck I don't want to do this. I can't freak out in front of her again. I hate this. Whatever the fuck this is has me wrapped around its finger and I can't breathe right. My chest is aching. "I shouldn't have to deal with her shit just because she decided now's the time she wants to talk to me."

Valerie's eyebrows draw down and she slowly shakes her head. I know what she's thinking cause my mind's already gone there a thousand times since this stupid fucking letter showed up. "But… Dash, maybe she's sorry. M-maybe she wants to have another chance."

"I don't fucking care," I spit and Valerie shrinks back against the wall. This setting is too familiar. I remember when it was my mom backed up against a wall and my dad screaming profanities at her. Fuck. I'm already turning out like him.

I can't retreat fast enough and Valerie won't let me move too far away. She quickly leaves her spot by the couch and follows after me, grabbing a fistful of my shirt. "You don't have to like what she says or the things she does but she's still your mom, Dash." Valerie's teeth sink into her bottom lip and I wish she wasn't so goddamn concerned about me. I don't need her to worry over me. "If I had another chance to talk to my mom… I-I'd take it."

Fuck. That's not fair.

My breath leaves me and I push her hands off my shirt, putting as much distance between us as I can. Which is about three steps. "You know that's not fair." My voice is small when I say it and I wish it was stronger. I want her to know that I'm strong enough to handle anything my mom throws at me. But I can't. I really fucking can't and I'm not sure I need Valerie to think I can. I think I need her to tell me that it's okay that I'm this fucking selfish.

"I-I can't Valerie," I mumble and I don't want to be this pathetic again. The last time we were around each other for longer than it takes to fix her car, she had to put up with my tears. I can't make her go through it again. God, I just need to retreat to my room until I can pull myself the fuck together.

Valerie closes the distance between us and pulls my head down to hers again. "It's okay," she whispers and it's not. It's really fucking not. I should be able to just read this stupid letter and not let my emotions control me my whole goddamn life. "I'm sorry. You don't have to open it."

Of course I do. I won't always have the option of acting like a fucking child when things are too hard for me. My hands are shaking as I pull away from her but I manage to keep distance between us this time.

"I can't," I repeat and keep my gaze trained on the ground. I don't want to see the disappointed look in her eyes when she has to face the fact that I'm terrified of opening this. I'm terrified of what she could possibly say to me. Is she coming home? Moving further away? Just writing to tell me she misses me? God, I miss her. I don't want to but I do. I miss waking up on the mornings she'd made pancakes 'just because'. I miss being able to talk to her about the shit going on in my life. I miss seeing her face at football games and hearing her praise me for the grades I managed to salvage instead of hearing dad yell for the ones I couldn't raise no matter how hard I tried.

"I'm sorry, I was out of line," Valerie says, her hand covering my shaky one still clutched around the damn envelope. "I'm sorry, Dash. O-Our situations are different, I know that."

I give her a nod but that's about all I can do. I'm not in the headspace to deal with this right now. She's silent as I move away from her, pushing the couch back where it was. I line up the edge with the line of dust from the last time dad and I vacuumed, probably sometime before the summer, and drop the envelope behind the couch again. I can't deal with this right now.

"Food'll be here in about ten minutes now," I tell her, moving back to my spot in front of the couch. I plop down, intent on ignoring her if she brings up the letter, and nudge her controller toward her spot. "Come on, we can kick this boss's ass if we keep at it."

Valerie moves back toward me and sits down but the tension is still there. It's enough to keep my hands from stilling entirely and that makes my chest ache. God, why the fuck can't I just be normal? Or act like an adult and read the damn letter? No wonder mom left. With a kid like me, who wouldn't?


When the food arrives, Val and I abandon the game entirely and actually move to the kitchen table. She's the one to suggest it and I wonder if it has anything to do with the elephant in the living room. I don't ask though, I just follow her into the kitchen and we set up at the table, not bothering with plates.

We start the meal in silence and I'm staring down at the container in my hands when suddenly she snags it from me. She gives a grin and sticks her tongue out before scooping up a forkful of shrimp fried rice, making a big show of enjoying it.

"I was eating that," I say, reaching forward to snatch it back but she holds it out of my reach, laughing at my attempts to get it.

Valerie pushes my hands away from the container. "Snooze, you lose, Dashie," she says, grinning when I glare at her. She only calls me that when she's teasing or trying to tick me off. I think it's a combination of both tonight.

I lunge forward and catch her off guard, snagging the container from her. "Snooze, you lose," I repeat, giving her a smirk as I shove a forkful in my mouth. She rolls her eyes and leans back in her seat, choosing the container of chicken instead.

"Whatever. You suck," she says between bites and I'm able to kind of forget about earlier. This is more like how we used to be. When our lives weren't so fucking complicated and we had to walk on eggshells even around each other because we'd forgotten how to exist any other way.

The food's amazing, like it always is, but her company makes this more fun. I could easily order this shit whenever I want to but it's better with other people. It's more fun to see how many egg rolls we can each put away.

"Alright, so fortune cookie time," Valerie says, moving the napkins and chopsticks out of the way to get to the two she made me ask for. She's a sucker for these stupid things, claiming that she doesn't believe in whatever that tiny strip of paper says but I know she does. There's a shoebox in the bottom of her closet with dozens of these fortunes.

Valerie holds one out toward me and I take it, the plastic crinkling loudly in the silence. We each tear into ours and I let her open her cookie first. I don't care that much about fortunes, I usually let her go first when we do this.

A grin spreads across her face and she flicks her gaze up to mine. "Laugh loud, long, and often," she quotes, smoothing out the paper on the table. Her fingers linger on the fortune for a few seconds before she looks toward me, folding her hands in her lap. "Your turn." I make a dramatic gesture of cracking the cookie in half and Valerie rolls her eyes, poking me in the stomach with her finger. "Come on, just open it."

I slide the paper out and discard the cookie onto the table, smoothing out the paper a couple times before I read it. "Beauty surrounds you because you create it." Bullshit. If it's created by me, it's not beautiful. It's ten percent fucked up and ninety percent 'I tried'.

Valerie makes a soft noise at the fortune and I place it on the table next to hers. "You can keep it, I know you collect these." I roll my eyes when she looks like she's gonna attempt to argue. "Please, I already know you do."

She gives me a sheepish glance before running her fingers over my fortune. She's been collecting them since she was a kid and she's never really offered an explanation why. I could always ask but I figure if she wants to talk about it, she will.

I lean back in my chair, pushing a few of the containers away from the edge of the table. It helps keep my hands busy and it serves as a good excuse to not look at Valerie when I ask. "So… when do you start training?"

She looks toward me when I speak but I don't look up. It's not that I'd judge her for whatever the fuck her job is. She's just hesitant about talking about this cause it's the only passion she's ever had. When we were twelve and I used to spend the night at her place, we would talk late into the night and she could almost make me believe that ghosts were real. I'd never tell her that I don't believe in what she's doing but I just can't get behind the idea that anything beyond this life exists.

"I start training in October," she says, leaning back into her chair. I steal a glance at her before my attention is back on the containers.

"You excited?" I ask, running my index finger along the corner of the box. I don't care what she does with her life. Hell, she could be a stripper for all I care. As long as she's happy. She deserves to be.

Valerie nods, tucking a strand behind her ear. When I look her way again, a hesitant smile is fighting to spread across her face. "I am, Dash. I'm really excited." She looks toward me before I have a chance to look away and I let out a breath. "I'm looking forward to this so much."

I've never thought about my future and fought back a smile at the idea of it. My future's not bleak by any stretch of the imagination but it's my present. Past. I've already achieved as much as I can for someone like me. And since I'm never getting out of this town, I've already seen my whole world.

"I'm glad this makes you happy," I tell her, finally able to tear my gaze away. I start gathering up the leftover food and she quickly follows suit, leaving her chair immediately. We each make a trip to the fridge before it's all away and then neither one of us are sure what to do.

Thankfully, my phone vibrates against the table just as I'm about to attempt to come up with something to say which means I'm saved. I cross over to it and swipe the device from the table. Alex's texted me again and I realize I never responded to his earlier message.

From: Alex

Dash, are you okay?

I can only imagine what's going through his mind at this point considering I've been silent for the past several hours. My breath leaves me as I run a hand through my hair, using my other one to type my message out.

"Something wrong?" Val asks just as I press send and I look up to her, pocketing the device as I shake my head.

To: Alex

Sorry, I'm fine. Just wanted a day with Valerie

"I was just texting Alex." I roll my shoulders before gesturing toward the living room. "Did you want to finish playing or have you had your fill of getting your ass kicked by that stupid boss?"

Valerie smiles, rolling her eyes. She opens her mouth to tell me what she wants but stops the second I freeze. Dad's keys are in the door and I'm fucking terrified that he's coming home drunk again. Kwan's the only one of my friends that's ever had a front row seat to what my dad's capable of and I'm in no rush to change that.

"Fuck," I whisper, glancing toward the living room. My hands are trembling and I shove them into my pockets to conceal it a little better. I spare a glance at Valerie before starting for the front door. If he's drunk, it's better to keep it contained in here. He can take a swing at me all he wants but he can't touch Valerie.

The door opens and I try to act like I'm not scared out of my fucking mind that he's drunk. Dad's head appears around the door and he sweeps his gaze around the living room. When his eyes land on me, I unconsciously breathe a small sigh of relief. His eyes are clear.

"Hey, kiddo, whatcha doing?" dad asks and I glance toward the kitchen where I left Valerie. Dad's eyes follow my line of sight and I let out a breath, looking toward him again.

"N-Not much." I mentally curse myself for the way my voice shakes but I manage to hold his gaze somehow. "Valerie came by, we just finished eating." I jerk my thumb toward the kitchen. "There's some Chinese food left for you if you want it."

Dad gives me a nod, smiling widely as he kicks his shoes off. "Sure, that sounds good."

I don't wait for him, I just head back into the kitchen. We weren't that quiet and I'm hoping Valerie heard us but at least I can give her a warning beforehand. I move quietly back into the kitchen and she gives me a smile when I round the corner.

"My dad's home," I say softly, making sure he can't hear me.

Valerie pockets her phone and gives a shrug. "If you don't want to be alone yet, I won't leave," she whispers and I can't believe she can be that fucking selfless. If I were in her position right now, I'd just get the fuck out and not look back. But of course she's selfless. Not everyone can be me.

"I'm fine," I respond, taking a step back to keep the distance between us. I don't need her to hug me again and try to break down my walls. She's done enough of that today. "Seriously, I'll text you tomorrow."

Valerie hesitates a second before nodding and we both leave the kitchen, crossing through the living room. Dad's door is closed and I guess he's changing out of his uniform. All the better to slip out undetected. I don't need him to tell Val she can stay the night if she wants to.

The night has a slight chill to it like the weather can't make up its mind anymore and it's decided to skip straight to winter. I tuck my hands into my pockets and follow Valerie down the driveway, waiting while she opens her door. A few tense seconds pass in silence and she turns back toward me, squashing my hopes of this night ending easily.

"You know you can call me if you need me, right?" Valerie asks, glancing behind me at my house, like she can tell what goes on behind closed doors just from a glance. She can't. No one can.

I nod, dropping my gaze to our feet. She's toeing the ground again and I don't think she knows that I can tell that's a nervous habit. It's been a part of her for so long, I wonder if she even notices it anymore. Kind of like me and the shaking.

"Yeah, I know," I respond quietly, not wanting this moment to end. When she gets in her car and drives away, I have to go back inside. This version of dad is easier to deal with than the one that throws things and leaves bruises but it doesn't make it any easier. I'm still nervous. Constantly afraid I'm gonna fuck something up and he'll go back to the angry person he always is around me.

Valerie reaches out and places her hand on the side of my face, her eyebrows drawing down slowly when I look up at her. "Dash, I'm sorry about earlier," she whispers and I close my eyes. I can't see that expression on her face again. Like she's afraid that if she leaves, I'll break apart into a thousand tiny fragments of whoever the hell I used to be.

"You don't have to be," I tell her, trying to sound casual but it comes out pathetic. Soft. Like I'm terrified to speak the words aloud. I am. I don't want to admit how ridiculous I can be. "I should have read it before now, you didn't… you didn't say anything I haven't already thought."

Val's quiet for a second before I feel her lips press against my cheek. "I'm still sorry," she whispers and I lean into the touch for as long as I can, only open my eyes when her hand drops. Her eyebrows are still drawn down and she looks guilty at the thought of leaving me. I wish she didn't. This is my hell to walk through, not hers. Just because she knows doesn't mean she has some kind of obligation to me. He's my dad, not hers.

"Go, I'll be fine," I tell her, taking a step back so she doesn't have to be the one to move. "Text me when you get home." I fold my arms over my chest and wait until she's in her car before I head back up the sidewalk. Her window rolls down and I turn back toward the sound.

She's smiling hesitantly and her head is sticking out of her open window. "We should do this again, I've missed hanging out with you, Dash."

I've missed it too. But she can't be responsible for my happiness. So I just smile and nod, waiting until she pulls out of my driveway and down my street before I turn back to face my house. The place I sleep really shouldn't be the same place my demons lie.


Dad and I sit in front of the television while he eats and we watch some football game. I don't know the teams; I'm not paying attention. I'm just relaxing into the silence that stretches over the two of us, blanketing the room in quiet. I don't remember the last time dad and I were able to sit in silence without there being some kind of brewing anger between us but this is nice.

After the game ends, dad moves back toward his bedroom, letting me know that he's working the early shift tomorrow but he'll be off by three. He mentions doing something together and I respond with having to work tomorrow. I don't know if Alex will let me work but he'll at least let me hang around the garage if I tell him I don't want to go home. I don't mind this side of dad. I'm just not used to it and that terrifies me.

We go our separate ways after I help him put the last of the takeout back into the fridge. I collapse on my bed after putting the games I pulled out earlier back on their shelf, kicking my backpack out of my way as I move.

My mattress is really comfortable even though I'm lying starfish across it but my mind isn't letting me sleep right now. It's running at a thousand miles and I don't think laying here is gonna help much.

I shift into a sitting position and drag my backpack toward me, digging to the bottom before I manage to find my history book. There's a chapter I was supposed to read before now but I've been way too fucking lazy to. Plus, with algebra looming over my head, I didn't really have the energy for any other subjects' bullshit.

The chapter is pretty boring and I find myself re-reading the same sentence multiple times because my mind is wandering. It keeps going back to the letter still hidden under the couch and I try to convince myself that it'd be okay to sneak downstairs and get it. Just cause I get it doesn't mean I have to read it. Besides, dad's probably asleep. Or maybe in the shower.

I let out a small breath and push my history book off my lap before I swing my legs off the side of my bed. My bare feet touch the cold hardwood and I reconsider. If dad sees me sneaking a letter upstairs, he'll ask who it's from and then demand to know why I haven't mentioned it before now. And then things will go back to shit between us and- Fuck.

My stomach clenches nervously as I think this whole stupid thing over again and I try to tell myself it'll be fine. Dad's not in the living room and if he is, I'll just fake needing to go to the bathroom. It's fine. Fuck, I wish my hands wouldn't shake.

I don't know how long I stay on the edge of my mattress but time ticks by slowly in the silence that's encased my bedroom. Which is probably why I jump about a fucking foot in the air when my phone vibrates in my pocket. Jesus Christ, I wasn't expecting that.

I scrub my hands down the sides of my jeans as I try to get a grip. Fuck, stop shaking. My breathing slowly returns to normal and I try to remind myself that it was only my phone. Just my phone. Jesus Christ, my heart's racing. My hands are still shaking as I pull my phone from my pocket and glance over the text.

From: Valerie

Home, safe and sound!

Valerie and I have texted each other every time we've left one another's house for as long as I can remember. I think it started after she lost her mom. Or maybe after the weekend dad destroyed my phone and I couldn't tell her I was okay. God, she was so panicked.

I let my phone drop onto my bed and slowly get to my feet, still trembling a little but I can do this now. I know I can. Dad's probably in his room but if he's in the living room, I can come up with some kind of lie. I'm good at it by now.

The house is quiet as I creak my door open and I quietly move down the stairs, hoping dad doesn't hear me. I can't tell if the shower is running or not but his door is closed so I should be okay to just step off the stairs and make it across the living room and back without being detected.

Fuck. I can't make my legs move. Nerves are eating away at me and even though I want to run back upstairs and forget this whole thing, I force myself to move, quickly making it to the couch. I hurriedly scoot it forward and bend over to snatch up the letter, my heart hammering in my ears with every second.

I don't know why but I expect to find dad staring at me when I rise up and I think I breathe a sigh of relief when he's not there. God, why the fuck do I feel like I'm about to vomit? Should it really be this nerve wracking to dart downstairs and grab something?

My chest is squeezing painfully and I practically race up the stairs, pushing my door closed when I'm inside. I debate locking my door but I'm not sure this is something I can do without having that extra security.

With trembling fingers, I turn the lock and stand in weighted silence, breathing in and out to the pace of my erratic heart. I can do this. I have it in my hands now and I can read it. God it should really be that fucking easy.

Eight months of silence. Of wondering what I did wrong and why she stopped taking my calls. Trying to guess where she might have gone and calling relatives, only to be shot down every time. Eight fucking months and she finally decides to write me a letter?

God, she doesn't deserve for me to read whatever she's written. I should just tear it to fucking pieces and never respond. She didn't leave a return address and something tells me that she didn't give me a way to contact her.

My hands tremble as I turn the envelope over in my hands and I slowly tear open the back of it. Well here I fucking go. Now or never, I guess.


A/N: Ooooh a cliff hanger.

Yo! I hope you've all had a great two weeks since the last update. So nice of me to update with a cliff hanger, right?

Valerie is perfect and I adore her. She's so much fun to write with Dash in Stay cause in the beginning, I was just gonna have their friendship be pretty casual. And tbh, for the most part it is pretty casual in the sense of how often they talk but hopefully you guys can kinda pick up on how close they really are.

The game I had them play is Donkey Kong Country Returns: Tropical Freeze and I picked that one specifically cause it's a BITCH to play. Seriously, the bosses in that are so difficult. It's so infuriating cause you play all the levels and once you finally get all the way to the stupid boss, you only have one hit left and then you just DIE. It's horrible, I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. Great game though, totally recommend it.

I know that Danny can't be in every chapter but I miss that little shit. I know it's a slow burn but like... I want them to kiss already, damn it! But alas, I'm doomed to slow burn hell. At least I'll have all of you for company.

Like I said last chapter, re-reading these in order to proof read and post them is weird cause I'm writing chapters that are so much farther ahead than these ones that Dash's headspace is soooo different. It's nice to watch happen though cause like, my baby's growing up *sniffs*

Soooo, any speculations as to what Dash's mother has to say in the letter? Poor Dash though, part of him never wants to read what his mother has to say and the other part of him is just so damn curious. Of course, I'm the writer so I'm gonna make him read it whether he wants to or not. I mean... no, that's exactly what I mean.

Anyway, let me know what you think in the reviews - I'd love to hear your speculations or thoughts for her letter, or the story in general. I really appreciate it, and I hope you all have a fantastic two weeks!