Coach is yelling at my teammates to move their lazy feet and run faster when I get out of my car at the edge of the field. Easy for him to say while he stands off to the side, blowing a whistle every few seconds. I don't know if he even remembers how it feels to run.

He hears me on the grass as I make my way toward him and turns around when I'm about a foot away. I slow a little, acknowledging him with a nod. His eyes drop to my calf, a silent question if I'll be able to join in practice today. I didn't get out of bed just to sit on the bleachers.

"Overslept," I tell coach, turning my gaze out toward my teammates as I come to a stop. I can feel coach watching me but I try not to focus on it, knowing it'll only make the shaking worse. Note to self: ask Danny how he deals with this kind of thing in public.

Coach nods eventually and blows his whistle, calling my teammates over again. They're all panting when they come near us and I know Kwan's staring at me. I don't really look at him cause if I do, I have to tell him with my eyes or my body language whether I'm okay or not. I don't want to ease his worry with a lie and I don't want to hurt him with the truth. Silence is better because it's ignorant. If he doesn't know I'm hurting, he doesn't have to do anything to make me feel better.

We're told the plays to make today and move into our positions, spreading out across the field as we practice. Blake snaps the ball to me and I throw it down toward the end zone where Mitchell Lockwood catches it, easily throwing it perfectly.

A handful of my teammates clap each other on the back before we into positon again. The snap is up again and as soon as my hands are on the ball, Keithand Seth Pollard try to tackle me. I just barely miss their bodies slamming into me, ducking and swerving as quickly as I can, before I'm sprinting across the field. None of my teammates are open for the ball so I run the length of the field, avoiding potential tackles as I go.

Sweat is already running down my back and I'm panting as I spike the ball through the goal. I hear one of my teammates sing out, "Touchdoooown!" before I grab the ball again, hurrying over to them. This is good. It's physically demanding, always is, but it's good. I'm gonna miss this distraction next year.

It's just past noon when coach whistles for the end of practice. Most of the guys are whining about being hungry and coming up with suggestions for where to go out to eat. A couple of them suggest Red Lobster and I'm instantly drawn into the conversation.

"You guys wanna have lunch together?" I ask, halting my stride. I was heading for my car to grab my duffel bag but the turn of conversation has my interest. Blake eagerly nods, glancing at the other guys for confirmation.

"Yeah man!" he says, nudging Jeff until the latter agrees.

The rest of my team is interested and though Keith looks like he wants to change his mind, he gives in when Kwan asks him if he wants to come along. No one can resist my best friend's puppy dog eyes. He could probably charm me out of my car with that look.

We hit the showers together, all discussing the menu options. I like the food okay but Valerie works Saturday shifts there and I like coming in to see her at work. She bugs me at the garage, it's only fair if I do the same in return.

The guys around me are talking as I scrub myself down, applying the barest amount of shampoo I can squeeze out of the travel bottle I take with me to and from school. Paulina always likes it when I don't smell like the inside of the locker room after practice and making her happy was such a high priority, I still haven't stopped using the shampoo after practice. I used to just soap up my body but once we started dating, that came to a screeching halt.

Blake mentions the annual party next Friday and I only look up when he calls out my name. He's wearing a grin that just says trouble and it probably means he wants to talk us all into taking shots together.

"You're coming, right Baxter?" he asks and I wonder if he's aware that we could actually lose. Last year, we came so close to winning the season but it came down to a technicality and a foul and a bunch of other shit that shouldn't have counted. We all know that the win was actually ours, and the ref was just pulling shit out of his ass to grant the other school victory.

Every year after the first game, we always go down to Star's beach house and stay the weekend to celebrate. I don't remember when the tradition started but it's been a part of us for so long, it's weird to even think about missing it.

I turn back to the water, running my hands through my mostly wet hair, checking for a few stubborn patches of shampoo before I press the heel of my palm against the nozzle. I grab my towel from the door of the stall and run it through my hair a couple times before I tuck it around my waist, swinging open the door.

"Sure man," I respond, moving over to where I left my bag. I grab my deodorant and apply some as the conversation resumes around me. We're all pretty lazy as we get dressed and leave the locker room together, making stupid promises about what this year's gonna bring.

Blake shouts out, "Victory!" and several of the other guys join in, chanting it toward the skies like the man upstairs might be listening. I doubt God watches football and if he does, why the hell would he be watching a team from a small town? He should tune into the Giants. Or see if the Packers are playing. There are plenty of football teams without a fucked up quarterback.


We all make it to Red Lobster in one piece and pile out of our respective cars, nudging each other and joking about what we're gonna order. I feel like I should probably warn Valerie that the whole team is coming in so I slide my phone out of my back pocket, quickly typing.

To: Valerie

Yo I'm coming in for lunch. Brought some guests with me

That's all the warning she gets because she bugs me at the garage even when she doesn't need her car fixed. It's not irritating most of the time but she sure knows how to push my buttons. Thinks it's hilarious when she can get me ranting about something. Usually by asking a dumbass question about her car. God, that always sets me off.

The guys and I enter the restaurant and I can see Valerie working a few tables near the door. She looks up when the bell on the door jingles and catches my eye for a second. There's a small smile on her face but then her gaze drifts over to the rest of my team and her eyes slightly widen.

Valerie turns back to the person she's talking to at the table and jots something down on her pad, nodding to whatever the customer says before she heads our way. I cross my arms as she nears us and she glances over the rest of my team. "What are you guys doing here?"

"Oh you know, seeing the sights," Blake says with a grin that I don't like. It's the same kind of one he wears at parties where he thinks he's about to get lucky. I might have to knock some fucking sense into him because Valerie's on the 'do-not-touch' list for every one of my teammates.

Valerie rolls her eyes, obviously unaffected by my teammate's attempt at flirting. She looks to me, giving me a smile but she doesn't get to say anything before a host comes up to us and starts talking about leading us to a table.

I spare Valerie a smile before I follow after the guys. "See you," I say softly as I pass by her. I think she wants to stop and talk to me again but she's working so I won't distract her for too long. Valerie told me last month that they were having the carpet replaced and jeez, it's fucking hideous. You know when a little kid eats all his spaghetti o's really fast so he can have ice cream after dinner and then just vomits it all back up? It looks like that. Geometric pasta vomit. I wonder if that's the swatch name.

The guys claim chairs and I end up next to Kwan, who actually looks too happy about it. I can't tell if he's got some reason why he's grinning like that or if he's really just that excited about sitting next to me but either way, I give him a look when he gets settled.

"What?" he whispers, spreading his menu out as he looks at me. His eyebrows draw down and I guess maybe he's just happy that he gets to sit next to his best friend. Go figure.

"Nothing," I respond with before the server appears, taking our drink orders. He nods after each one of us speaks and I'm surprised he keeps all of our orders straight. I'd get so fucking confused two minutes into this kinda thing. I'm way better with spare car parts or broken spark plugs.

The server, Trevor or something, disappears to get our drinks and I bring my elbows onto the table, resting my forehead in my hands as I stare down at the menu. I've eaten here a handful of times and mom and dad used to go all the time but I can't remember what I've had before.

Kwan's elbow bumps mine and I lift my head to question him with a glance. "You okay?" he asks. I wonder if it's just the position I'm sitting in or if he can tell when I'm slightly off. I give him a nod and try to return to my menu but he won't let me. "You sure?"

"Yeah, man," I tell him, lifting my hand to gesture to the menu. "Should probably figure out what I want to eat." I drop my gaze back to the items but Kwan's voice keeps me from registering what I'm reading.

"Jared wants me to meet his parents tomorrow," he says quickly, his breathlessness clueing me on just how nervous he actually is. My best friend had two girlfriends before he realized he wasn't interested in them and he wasn't half as nervous when he met their parents as he is right now. Does this guy really mean that much to Kwan or is he just scared because it's different now? Because Jared's bringing home a guy.

I fold my menu closed, no point in reading it now. "Really?" I ask, turning my attention back on my best friend. He nods, his lip disappearing between his teeth as he chews on it. Jeez, he's really worked up over this. "Isn't that kind of sudden? I mean, you guys haven't known each other that long."

Kwan gives me a funny look, letting out a nervous laugh. "Well, we met in May. I mean that's… that's kind of a long time. At least it feels that way to the both of us."

Huh. I always forget how long Kwan's actually known him. Everything feels kind of run together for me. From the time mom left until summer started, it's all one big haze. I don't know how I got from my classes or how I managed anything above a C that semester.

"Yeah, that's right." I glance around the restaurant, looking out at everyone in the crowd, all with their individual lives and everything they're busy thinking about. I bet half of them don't cry themselves to sleep like I do.

I shake my head, trying to clear the thoughts of the letter from my brain, glancing toward Kwan again. He's staring down at the table with a half-terrified expression. Like he's worried at any moment the table will suddenly catch fire. I nudge him with my elbow and he looks up at me. "Dude, relax. His parents are gonna love you." He lets out a low breath, nodding slowly and I fold my arms over the table. "And fuck em if they don't."

Kwan's gaze reaches mine again and a grin starts across his face. "Actually… I think I'll leave that to their son."

Nothing in this world could have prepared me for the sudden mental images in my mind. I can't stop picturing my best friend wrapped around Jared and fuck, I can picture the guy's face and oh god. I think I splutter a little cause Jeff looks at me. I wave him off when he looks concerned and he easily slips back into the conversation Keith and Blake are having. I think it's about the beach next weekend cause I'm catching snatches of the conversation.

"Sorry," Kwan laughs softly and I send him a look. It only causes him to laugh more and I consider shoving him out of his chair.

"God, man, I don't want to know about your sex life," I tell him, dropping my head to bury my face in my arms. Actually, Kwan's the only person I don't mind hearing about that stuff. It's just the accidental mental pictures that's getting to me right now. When Kwan started questioning how he felt about girls in our freshman year, I was the first person who told him it was okay. He asked if he was wrong for the way he felt and 'no' was out of my mouth before I even had to contemplate it. I didn't have to though, he's not.

Kwan laughs again and I raise my head from my arms, sticking my tongue out when he looks my way. He rolls his eyes and I keep my face turned toward him but rest the side of my head on my arms. I remember the nights Kwan would text me, terrified of talking to anyone about the way he feels about guys. He still hasn't really come out to our team, just a select few members. I'm glad I'm one of them.


Once we're finished eating, we split up and I'm headed to my car when I hear the door open behind me and a familiar voice call my name. I turn back toward Valerie, ignoring my teammates as they whoop and holler. It doesn't matter how often I tell them that we're just friends, they still think I'm getting some side action.

"Hey," Valerie says, her voice soft as she clutches a tray in front of her. I let out a breath, tearing my gaze away from hers as I drag my fingers through my hair. Last time we saw each other, I hadn't opened the letter. I feel like I should tell her that I have. God, it feels so fucking early to bring up the painful shit already.

I run a hand down my face, keeping my gaze out on the parking lot when I speak. "Hey." I huff out a breath, disturbing the quiet that's between us and nod to the restaurant. "How's your shift going?"

She shrugs, looking around the parking lot too. Most of my teammates are in their cars and pulling out now. My mouth is dry and the words are burning on the tip of my tongue. I practically spit them at her. "So I opened the letter."

Val's gaze instantly snaps to mine and the worry is obvious in her expression. Probably because mine is somewhere between 'my dog just died' and 'stay the fuck away from me'. I can't get my mouth to work beyond those five words so we stand in awkward silence while I try to remember how to speak and she waits for me to.

We stare at each other and though I can't hold her gaze for long, I feel the concern in her stare. Like she's searching my skin for the cracks she knows are there. But they haven't been visible to anyone for a long time. It's rare for me to get emotional with people anymore. It was a fluke when she was over yesterday.

"Are you okay?" she asks softly, raising her voice a little over the start of an engine. I glance toward the noise but she doesn't, keeping her gaze on me. I want to tell her that I am. It's been a couple hours and I managed to get some sleep in. Practiced with the guys. Fucking stuffed myself with some amazing food. I should be okay.

"Yeah," I mumble, the lie slipping past my lips before I can stop it. I clench my hands into fists at my sides, hoping that she doesn't know it's cause I can feel the trembling in my limbs. I don't want to panic and have to flee.

Valerie puts her hand on my chest and I think she knows how much I'm lying. I meet her gaze and suddenly words are coming back to me and I can't stop. "It's just … ah, fuck, she was so… she didn't even care, y'know? Like, she just… it was all about her. And what she fucking wanted and Val, I don't think she gives a shit that she left me with him. I don't think she wants to admit how badly she fucked up. She doesn't-"

I have to force myself to stop talking and stare at the pavement because I feel pathetic again. Starting to wonder if I'll ever stop feeling this way. Maybe this shit's seeped into my bones at this point.

"I'm sorry," Valerie says softly and I try to pretend that her words ease some of the hurt. Some of the guilt I feel still lodged like a fist around my throat. Reminding me that normal kids don't get left behind. Only the fucked up ones do.

I roughly push out a breath, flicking my gaze up to Valerie's again. "We're staying at Star's beach house after the game on Friday. You should see if you can get off work and come with me."

Valerie shrugs, glancing back toward the restaurant for a second before she looks back at me with a smile. "Sounds like fun, I'll see if I can." She stands on her tiptoes to place her hand on my cheek and the sadness in her eyes is just as strong as the day I helped her and her father move all their shit into the tiny ass apartment they're still stuck living in. "I'm sorry, Dash."

For what? It's not like she wrote that letter. And if I acted like a fucking adult, I wouldn't feel so awful because of the words my mom chose to send me. I don't even know why I'm bitching about this, why I let it hurt me. It shouldn't. I have a place to call home and a car that works, save for the brakes. I shouldn't be complaining about every little thing that goes wrong in my life.

"S'fine," I respond, shrugging as I take a step away from her, letting her hand drop from my face. I dig my keys out of my car and gesture to it. "I'll let you get back to work. I gotta check in at the garage, see if Alex'll let me work for a while."

Valerie nods and takes a step away from my car. She gives a small wave before she disappears back inside the restaurant and I watch the windows until I can't see her anymore. I love Valerie for being so kind about my mom and my dad and every other fucked up part of my life but she really doesn't need to hold my hand like this. She's only reinforcing the idea that it's okay for me to be as pathetic as I want.


Alex is in front of the shop, talking with Mr. Sanchez, when I pull my car to a stop. They both look up at the noise and Alex recognizes it's me before Paulina's dad does. As soon as I step out of my car, Mr. Sanchez realizes it's me though and gives a grin.

"Dash," he calls as I near the two and I shove my hands into my pockets, responding with a nod before turning my focus on Alex.

"I'm working today, right?" I ask him and he gives a small nod. I debate on asking about what they're talking about but I don't want to pass up the opportunity to work so I just leave them alone, making my way further into the shop.

Eric's already changing oil and I rap my knuckles against the hood of the car he's underneath. His creeper slides out a little until his middle finger is displayed. I laugh and move further into the shop, spying the back of Anastasia's head. She's pulled her hair back into a ponytail and her curls are flying everywhere, reminding me of her brother's.

"Yo," I say when she turns around. She arches an eyebrow and glances toward the entrance. I look too, watching Mr. Sanchez press his hands together, smiling widely at Alex. I nod toward the pair. "What's going on?"

Anastasia scoffs, folding her arms over her chest. "The guy thinks he can buy my brother's shop from him. Says Alex can make way more money if they work together." She rolls her eyes when I look back at her. "It's a load of bullshit, really. You know as well as I do that most of the cars that we fix come from his dealership."

I flick my gaze to Mr. Sanchez but it looks like Alex is sending him off. "The fucker," I respond, letting out a breath of my own. He's tried to convince me to become a mechanic for his dealership instead of Alex's before but I always thought his offers were because I was dating his daughter. Why's he want to get this place so badly?

Alex scratches at the back of his head, disturbing his curls as he does, and waits until Mr. Sanchez' car leaves the parking lot before he starts back into the shop. He wordlessly winds his way around the shop and comes near me, squeezing me on the shoulder as he passes.

"Don't overdo it and hurt yourself," Alex says softly, breezing past me before I have a chance to respond. Maybe the last time, I couldn't take off a damn tire by myself but my ribs were painful as fuck then. I'd like to think I can handle myself better today.

I meet Anastasia's stare and nod toward the rest of the shop. "What do I get today?" There's a Nissan Pathfinder sitting two bays down from us but she points behind me at a Ford F-150, telling me to take a look at it and see what's wrong. I recognize the car as something I've seen before but I can't place a name with the car.

"Cool, thanks," I respond, moving back through the shop easily. It only takes me a second or two to get to the car and I'm only one bay over from Eric. He slides out from the under his car and gives me a once over, before whistling.

"Word of the day is that you and little miss cheerleader are done for," he says, laughing a little at whatever expression is on my face. Eric's not typically one for gossip but when his head's under a car or hood, he listens to whatever people tell him. And apparently someone was talking about me.

I fold my arms over my chest and raise an eyebrow at him. "Where'd you hear that from?" The guys were with me today, no way it was one of them. Probably someone from the cheerleading team. I kick the edge of his creeper. "And since when do you listen to the town gossip?"

Eric laughs, sliding back under the car and I guess that's all the information I'm getting for now. Oh well, I have a beautiful truck to get started working on so what do I care? Hello my new distraction for the next hour.


A/N: Yo! Welcome back, it's been a strange two weeks for me. But how have yours been? School's started back for most of you, right? I wouldn't know too much about that cause I've graduated, thankfully. I hope your first week/few weeks have been good though! Don't worry too much and take good notes in all of your classes, you'll need them later in the year. Go you guys though, super proud of you all!

So, Stay. I haven't actively worked on this fic in close to about two weeks which is strange for me because I've been writing it pretty consistently since I started it, in the last week of January. It's probably because I've been working on "the fic of doom" which is this 5 story series for another fandom and I'll probably die before it's finished? So, Stay's kinda taking a back-burner. I still love it though.

I did two writing months with it and put down a collective total of 90k during those months. So, as you can imagine, I'm way past chapter 18. And since I've gotten past certain points, it kind of feels... I don't know, too long sometimes? I get nervous that maybe none of you want to read all these chapters just to get to the parts with Dash and Danny. I don't want to spoil anything but I will say that they hang around one another more the longer the story progresses. They don't immediately start dating or anything but just so you're aware, it's not like they're doing their own thing for 60+ chapters or anything.

I don't know... I've considered removing entire chapters because I'm worried that maybe none of it matters to the overall story? Even though I love the chapters, it's basically a long-ass set up and I know how annoying it is to read fics that have meandering chapters. It's all important information to the characters though and I've always known that the plot would progress slowly but... this feels ridiculous. I think I have 230k now. What do you guys think though? I'm still proud of and like the chapters I've already written. I just don't want to bore any of you with these chapters that aren't essential to the plot. I really want to hear your thoughts, as it could impact my decision, so please let me know.

Moving on. This chapter was a lot of fun to write and I hope you guys enjoyed reading it. Any time Valerie and Dash are together, I just love working on it. I feel like they have a pretty natural friendship and she's able to bring him out of his funk a little more than anyone else. Also I love what Kwan said about Jared, lmao.

This chapter title is another song lyric. It's from The 1975's "Talk!". The full lyric is "I'd be an anchor but I'm scared you'd drown", but fanfiction won't let the whole lyric go through. Whhhhyy is the chapter title box so limited?

But you guys. I'm OBSESSED with them lately. I first heard them a few months back and I was like, "yeah, I mean, they're alright" but dudes. I can't even begin to explain how obsessed I am with their music. It's like, this perfect blend of chill but also enough to keep you thinking, you know? It's peeeeerfect. If you haven't heard them yet, check them out. If you do, let me know, I'd love to hear your thoughts. You can find me on tumblr as the-little-insomniac if you wanna chat about anything.

But yeah guys, I'm still working on this story, it's just slow-going and I doubt a lot of what I'm putting in there... so let me know what you think? About this chapter as well as everything I talked about it. It'd mean a lot to me. Thanks, you're the best.