I was officially diagnosed with insomnia in the 6th grade. Of my parents, my mom was the one that thought something was wrong with me. My dad thought I was being difficult and refusing to stay in bed. I just wanted to get some fucking sleep.

Since high school started, I've developed a balancing act of sleep and homework, always sacrificing one or the other. Either I stay up to finish my homework and risk getting fucked over by insomnia or I ignore my homework the second I start feeling tired.

Which is why I'm not surprised on Sunday. I'm done with my shift and homework by ten and I actually get in bed before eleven. But I'm still awake when my alarm clock clicks over to read 5 AM. It leaves me an hour and a half until it goes off for school.

From experience, it's far better to get up without any sleep than to get that last hour and stumble through the day groggy as fuck. I'm gonna need at least two Red Bull's to get me through my classes and practice. I should just get up and shower. Get an early start. Maybe get some breakfast from the one McDonalds that's lasted in this town. But god-fucking-dammit, I just want to sleep.

I scrub my hands down my face as I spare another glance at my alarm clock, a groan slipping from me. Other than Kwan, my friends would probably call me dramatic but losing the escape that is sleep is one of the worst things. Mom used to have me trying everything the doctor recommended but none of it worked. Eventually, dad got pissed and I quit trying different medications or night time rituals.

There are periods of time where I can fall asleep almost instantly and then there are the bad times. Like now. Where I'm so fucking tired, I can barely think straight and I want sleep so badly, I'd convert to any religion that promised me rest.

Dad was in his room when I came home yesterday and he hasn't stirred all night. I crawl out of my bed as quietly as I can, already knowing it won't be pretty when he wakes up. At least this way, I'll be out of the house before he gets up. If he wants to pick up where he left off on Saturday, at least I won't be around to be the punching bag.

Attempting to be quiet, I gather my clothes for an early ass shower and slip out of my room. Goodbye sleepless night, hello god awful day.


I'm pretty sure, even with the Red Bull I consumed on my drive into school, I sleep through my first several classes. It's lunchtime and I'm finally kind of waking up. Kwan's asked me a couple times this morning if I'm okay and I think I told him I didn't get much sleep but I can't remember. I'm so exhausted. And jeez, do my teammates have to be so fucking loud all the time?

Jeff takes a small step backward when I turn around in line to glare at him. "S-Sorry!" he squeaks out. I have no idea what I look like when I'm angry but apparently it's working in my favor right now. Maybe it's just the bags I'm sporting under my eyes or maybe I really do look scary when I'm pissed off but something makes Jeff back down instantly and usually nothing kills that guy's buzz.

I move quickly through the line, grabbing a can of soda before I head for our table. The football team claimed this table ages ago and I've sat here every day since I became quarterback. I think the other students would lose their shit if we ever switched tables.

Kwan's already sitting at the table, talking to Keith about something, but he turns instantly when I sit down. I force a smile and open my soda, throwing back a few swallows of the delicious caffeine. If not for soda and energy drinks, I'd literally walk into walls during my bad insomnia periods. I shovel a few fries into my mouth before I notice Kwan's staring at me.

I glance down where he's looking and I have no idea how I missed the fact that there's this giant-ass hand-print bruise on my upper arm. Shit, must've been from when dad grabbed me the other night. I'm still staring down at it when my best friend speaks.

"Are you okay?"

I look up at the question, try to figure out how to answer it. Either with a fake smile and a blatant lie or bitching like I always do. Though I can't really talk about dad when we're surrounded by our teammates. Ugh… Paulina was right the other day, I'm so fucking focused on myself all the time, I barely know how Kwan's doing lately. How things have been at his house.

With a nod, I turn back to my food, shrugging. "Yeah, I'll be alright." I glance back toward him after a second, lowering my voice a little. I don't think Kwan cares if Keith overhears it considering he's been out to Keith for the last few months but still. I don't want anyone else hearing us. "Are you? Like… how's your home situation been?"

Kwan only keeps my gaze for a second when the conversation's turned back to him before shrugging. He lets out a breath, running his hand through his hair. He glances toward Keith but the guy's absorbed in reading something on his phone so Kwan looks toward me again.

"I don't know man," he whispers, exhaling heavily again. His eyebrows draw downward as he stares at the table, I guess trying to muster up the words. I know what that feels like. Kwan's fingers nervously drum on his thigh before he flicks his gaze up to mine. "My mom's kind of come around on it. I was talking to her about Jared after I got home yesterday and she was actually interested. Dad just… he walked out of the room."

I watch Kwan's expression fall and it hurts. Like, it's actually painful to see him so sad. Probably wondering, again, if there's something wrong with him. Some parents can be real assholes if their kids aren't straight like they're expected to be. It's complete bullshit.

I lift my soda from my tray and take a swig before clearing my throat as I set it back down. "You never told me how it went last night. Didn't hear a word from you all day actually." Better to turn the conversation back to Jared instead of focusing on the ugly shit.

Kwan's cheeks flush a little and he looks up at me with a smile. "It was… it was good. H-His parents were really nice," he says, biting back a grin as Blake and Jeff join us at the table. I glance toward Jeff and he looks a little hesitant as he slides into the seat next to me. So I shoot him a grin and he instantly relaxes, nudging his shoulder against mine.

"Quit hogging all the space, Baxter." Jeff steals fries off my tray and crams them into his mouth, grinning around the mouthful he's stolen. I nudge him harder than I probably should but he just retaliates with a shove of his own.

We're busy almost duking it out and trying to get the lion's share of my fries that it takes me a second to realize Kwan's spoken. His gaze is trained out toward the cafeteria when I glance at him and I follow his line of sight.

Paulina's walking with the girls from the cheerleading team, striding confidently toward our table. She doesn't look at all affected by everything we said on Saturday. I guess you get used to someone's presence because when she and the other girls breeze past our table, it takes me a second to realize she's not planning on sitting here today. I turn to watch the girls settle down at another table and whispers break out across the cafeteria.

Jeff nudges me again. "What the hell's that about?"

Kwan's staring at me too and I can tell I've even piqued Keith's interest. I glance at the three of them before I drop my gaze to the table, letting out a breath. Well, they'll find out eventually. "We kind of broke up," I tell them, rubbing at the back of my neck. The three of them take turns saying they're sorry or telling me that it's "harsh". A few questions are asked and I do my best to answer them.

Maybe it's better that I'm half-asleep today. Cause if I wasn't, I'm pretty sure Paulina's ignorance would hurt a hell of a lot more. I don't know how much hurting a person can withstand before they just break.


I'm at the garage after school on Tuesday and I've just finished spinning the last of the nuts back onto a hubcap when my phone vibrates. I take the time to lower the car down before I open up the text message.

From: Danny Fenton

Hey, I'm not busy today. Is it cool if I come by the garage so you can show me stuff about cars? Or would another day work better?

I text back, "today's fine" before I shove the phone away and get into the front seat of the Toyota Tacoma. I drive the truck out of the shop and into a parking space, swinging the keys around my finger as I move back into the shop to find Alex. He or Anastasia usually do the talking to the customer part. Just give me the car and I'll have it fixed. Talk to people…? Ugh.

Anastasia takes the keys from me and says she'll find the next car for me to work on in a minute, something about talking to Alex. Her hair's coming loose from her ponytail and that's never a good sign. It usually means she's stressed as fuck and she's pretty much minutes away from losing it.

She disappears to the waiting area and I chug the last of a Dr. Pepper I grabbed from the machine earlier. There's only two other cars but Alex is thinking that they'll need to be fixed tomorrow cause the customers are talking about needing to be somewhere at a specific time or something. I don't know, I barely listen to that kind of shit.

I ditch my can into the garbage when Danny's car pulls up. I see him park and he angles the rearview mirror toward himself, checking his reflection before he gets out of his car. He locks the door and tests the handle twice before he starts for the shop, jamming his keys into his front pocket. I move from my spot when he rounds the corner into the shop.

"Hey." I grin as he looks up. I gesture toward the rest of the shop. "There's not too much going on here today so if it comes to it, I can pull my car in here and show you some different shit there."

Danny pushes his hands into his pockets, a small smile tugging at his lips when he nods. There's something about his hesitant smile that makes mine grow.

"How's your day been?" I ask, folding my arms over my chest. Anastasia's taking her time with the customers and that's fine with me. Gives me a few minutes of breathing before it's back to work. Not that I don't love being under a car or fixing things. Breaks are just nice.

He shrugs, his gaze sweeping the shop before landing at my feet. "Dunno. Fine, I guess." He shifts his weight and the silence is scratching at the both of us. It reminds me of how he made me feel with that one text message, telling me that I'll get better. God, he didn't even know the fucking context and yet still made me feel less like shit.

I gesture toward my workspace and he glances up at the movement. "Wanna see some of my tools?" Least I can do is show him something if it turns out we're closing shop early. With no customers at half-past six, there's a good chance we might.

A smile tugs at his mouth again and he bites his bottom lip against it, nodding quickly as his face turns a little pink. "S-Sure, Dash."

I take the lead and show him over to where I normally work, sorting through some of the tools I could explain to him. Some of these are obvious but other ones, people would only know about if they work in a garage. Or if they're tutoring somebody like me and getting this kind of information in exchange.

"So." I drop a couple of the wrenches back into my toolbox and flick my gaze toward Danny. "How much do you know about cars?" He's gonna be fun to educate if he's a complete novice. If he knows some shit, that's fine too. I don't need a total beginner to enjoy this.

Danny shrugs, pushing his bangs out of his eyes. "Not much," he admits, looking toward me with a sheepish smile. "Pretty much only when to come in for an oil change."

Oh my god. This is gonna be so much fun. I think it shows on my face or in my eyes because he falters a little, taking half a step back. His expression looks worried and I put my hand on his upper arm. "Dude, I'm gonna teach you so much. Like… shit man, that's really all you know?"

"Y-Yeah… I-I mean, if it s-starts to make a funny noise, I-I usually b-bring my car in but… o-otherwise, I don't know m-much else," he stammers out and I can't figure out why he's nervous. What's bugging him? Is he still worried that I'm gonna make fun of him for not knowing this shit?

His gaze drops to my hand still on his arm and that's when I feel the tension between us. It's not an uncomfortable, angry sort of tension. It's… different. Kind of makes the pit of my stomach warm and I all but rip my hand away from him, jerking my fingers through my hair.

Fuck, I don't mean to make him nervous. I don't know why he is but it's cause of me. Should I be more cautious around him because of my friends? Because he's afraid of how I might react based on them? God, why the hell is this so hard?

"S-Sorry," Danny whispers, taking a small step away from me and I turn toward him just in time to watch his head lower. Like some kind of kid that's about to get the biggest lecture of his life. I don't know why that look on him feels wrong but I hate it.

"No," I say before I've finished thinking. I reach out to touch him again and he looks up at the movement. My hand hovers in midair for a second or two before I drop it to my side again, immediately sliding it into my pocket. He shouldn't be sorry. He didn't do anything. "I didn't mean to… upset you." I don't know if that's the right word for the way that he's acting but I don't know what else to say.

Danny shakes his head and lets out a breath, staring down at the concrete of the shop. I'm wracking my brains, trying to come up with some fucking way to fix this. To get rid of that tension between us and go back to the way it was just a few minutes ago. Of course, I come up empty and he eventually speaks because I don't.

"It's not… I don't mind being touched if that's what you're thinking," he says, his voice quiet, and it's exactly what I was thinking. It only makes sense. He was fine and as soon as I put my hand on him, he wasn't anymore. "That's not it at all. It's just…"

He looks up at me now, his face red and I can't figure out why he's embarrassed. What is he thinking that could easily turn his cheeks that shade? Is he thinking I'm about to make fun of him again? I don't want to do that. I'm not gonna do that. "Dash, I-"

"Yo, Baxter!" Anastasia's voice rings out in the shop, interrupting Danny. His gaze darts to where the voice came from and lingers on her for a minute before dropping to the floor. I only watch him for a few more seconds before I look over my shoulder.

Anastasia tosses a pair of keys toward me and I catch them easily, raising an eyebrow at her in silent question. "Car down on East Ridgeneeds towing. Drive over there and bring it in. Alex and I are gonna finish these two cars and close up shop. You just let yourself in and park the car, alright?" She blinks, finally glancing from me to Danny. "Can I help you?"

Danny makes a small squeak and shakes his head. I don't want to make him any more uncomfortable so I speak for him. "He's a friend of mine, 'Stasia. Text me the area where the car is?" I ask and she nods, heading toward the office.

It takes me a couple of seconds before I have the nerve to turn back to Danny. He looks at me for two seconds before darting his gaze away, letting out a small breath as he does. This is shitty. I didn't mean to make him feel like this and now he does and I don't know how to help him and fuck.

"You wanna… ride along with me?" I ask, gesturing toward the back of the shop where I know the truck is parked. He can't see it but I hope he gets what I'm asking. I don't want the first time he decides to trust that I won't mock him to turn out like this. I don't even know what I did wrong, I just know I want to fix it.

Danny smiles. It's small and hesitant but he fucking smiles. His gaze lifts to mine and he nods. "Yeah, sure." His expression lightens just a little and his smile is a bit wider. Fuck, am I actually fixing whatever the hell I did wrong?

I return the smile and gesture toward the back of the shop. "Come on, it's just outside." We're quiet as we leave the shop and I think it's a nervous habit of mine to swing the keys as I walk cause I do it without thinking. Whatever, I can analyze the fuck out of that later.

I'm not sure why but I feel the need to open Danny's door for him. "Passenger door sometimes sticks," I tell him and it's a complete fucking lie. I make a show of struggling to open it though and he smiles at me again before climbing inside. I wait until all of his limbs are inside the car before I shut the door, heading around to my side as quickly as I can move. Why does my stomach feel like a thousand butterflies are loose in there?

"Do you normally tow cars?" Danny asks when I get in the driver's seat. I glance toward him and shrug, sliding the keys into the ignition. I turn the car on and buckle my seatbelt before responding.

"Not really," I tell him, backing out of the parking space. "Alex does it typically. Keith sometimes. I like fixing the cars, I'm not usually the guy jumping to go and pick one up." I don't have anything against driving out to pick one up, but I prefer staying in the shop.

Danny leans back in the passenger seat with a nod, turning his gaze out the window as I pull out of the parking lot. The truck runs smoothly even on the potholed back roads leading from Alex's garage and I wish I could find something to talk about with Danny. This awkward silence is starting to kill me.

"Are you working anywhere?" I ask and he shrugs before the question is even fully out of my mouth. I guess he gets asked that a lot. Jesus, what else do I ask about. "Uh… when did you move up to AP algebra?"

He glances back at me with a patient smile. "Dash, you don't have to make small talk. It's okay." Danny holds my gaze when I look at him again and it should really ease the butterflies in my stomach. But it doesn't and I don't know what the hell that means but I nod, turning my attention back to the road.

It's only silent in the truck for a few minutes before my phone vibrates in my pocket. The sensation startles me a little and I let out a low breath, digging it out with one hand. I set it down in the center console and gesture to it. "Can you… open up the text from Anastasia? I need to know where I'm going for this car."

Danny hesitates a few seconds before lifting my phone from the console. His thumb slides across the screen and I hear the hitch in his breath.

"Zero, one, zero, four," I recite before he has to ask for my passcode. It's the same four digits I found myself writing for most of my homework assignments and tests last semester. I couldn't help it, the day was burned into my brain. The day mom left.

Danny exhales slowly. "D-Do you want me to read out the directions too? S-She says it's near The Sushi Express."

I shake my head, knowing exactly where the car is now. That intersection is the cause of a lot of accidents. Probably a reason why our business is still running. Can't even remember how many cars we get in cause of accidents but I know it's a hell of a lot.

Danny sets my phone between us gently and I can feel the hesitation in his every movement. I don't know if that still has to do with whatever happened back at the shop, but it's making me nervous. I shouldn't have invited him to come along with me. He's only here because he feels like he should be. Cause I asked him to be. Fuck, he doesn't want to be here at all.

"Dash?" he asks, interrupting my inner monologue. I think I glance at him but my eyes are on the road pretty quickly again and my heart's pounding and fuck. I'm panicking. I'm driving and I can't breathe and holy shit, I can't do this.

Danny slowly reaches out toward me and touches the back of my hand with the tips of his fingers. It's a delicate movement and it causes a shaky breath to escape from me. "Dash, pull over." His voice is steady when he speaks and it's pretty much the exact opposite of what I feel.

This time, I actually do look toward him. Fuck, why am I panicking again? This is a normal situation, why am I freaking out like this? Nothing's wrong and I know that but I still can't get a fucking grip or breathe anymore.

His expression is kind as he repeats it. "Pull over."

I do. I ease the car onto the side of the road but I don't take my hands off the steering wheel. If I do, they'll start shaking and Danny will see how pathetic I am. Again. And I don't think some fancy-ass breathing trick is gonna fix me this time.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Danny asks and god, I want to. I wanna spill my fucking guts and tell him everything. All about my mom and how lost I've been since she left me. About my dad and how I don't know how the fuck to deal with this side of him. And how this job at the garage is the only good thing going for me right now. Without this, I'm just an angry kid that's good at throwing a football.

But it's not okay for me to just dump all my fucking shit on Danny. He never asked for any of this and he doesn't even want to be here right now. If I weren't so goddamn selfish, I'd just tell him to go home. I'd turn the damn car around and take him back to the garage so he doesn't have to deal with me right now.

I shake my head as a breath escapes me and Danny nods, settling back into his seat pretty easily. His arms fold over his chest as he shrugs in response. "That's okay. I don't really like to talk about my shit either."

How is he so calm right now? I feel like I'm gonna have a heart attack. Or maybe I am having a heart attack. Damn, my chest is aching. What was that breathing trick Danny taught me in the nurse's office? How does it go again?

My hands leave the steering wheel to run through my hair and yeah. They're shaking. I'm gonna puke. I'm literally about to projectile vomit all over the inside of this truck and goddammit, I wish I could just calm the fuck down. Normal people don't act like this. Be normal. Just fucking be normal.

"H-How do you do this?"

I didn't mean to say it but the broken, pathetic whisper leaves my mouth before I can stop it. I want to take it back. I can't ask him something like that. It's not his job to fix me. Or to even attempt to. It's my job. It's my fucking job to put myself back together and I suck at it.

"It's gotten better over the years," Danny says, sinking down further in his seat with an exhale. I don't let myself look toward him. I don't deserve an answer and yet, I can't tell him that. I can't get my mouth to work long enough for me tell him that he doesn't have to tell me this. "Especially after finally started medication."

I exhale and I hate the way it shakes. "Y-You're on medication?" I don't really mean to question it or force him to talk about it but I speak before I've finished thinking it through and then it's too late to take back. God, why can't I ever just shut the fuck up?

Danny undoes his seatbelt and leans over to put the truck in park. With a soft exhale, he leans back in his seat, glancing my way once. I want to look back at him and see the expression on his face but I don't. "Yeah. Took me a long time to convince my parents to let me try it. They thought I was just being difficult," he says with a short, humorless laugh. I don't know if it's just a noise to him or if he's trying to play it off as funny but that doesn't sound funny to me.

"Th-They didn't want you to… get rid of this?" I ask, forcing myself to look his way. I don't let my gaze lift to his but at least I'm sort of facing him. Even if my hands are clenched around my hair and I'm struggling to breathe right.

He shrugs. "That's not really it. They didn't…." Danny sighs, glancing out the window and suddenly, I don't want to hear this. I don't want to know what his parents believed or whatever they said to him about this. It's not really my place to ask him about his family and I don't want to hear about someone making him suffer. I don't like the images it brings to my mind.

"I-I'm sorry." I turn away from him again and return my shaking hands to the steering wheel, clenching them so fucking tight, I can't tell if they're trembling anymore. I don't want to hear it if Danny's parents were anything like my dad is about this kind of shit.

Danny shakes his head and lets out a small breath. "Try to calm your breathing, Dash, it'll help. Breathe in to the count of seven, hold for four, breathe out to the count of eight. Seven, four, eight."

He shrugs when I glance at him but I do it. I draw in oxygen and hold how he's told me to do. It doesn't make the feeling in the pit of my stomach go away but at least I'm not hyper-ventilating anymore. At least the shaking in my hands seems to calm down a little. I'm able to loosen my grip without my weakness being on display for him again.

I'm rewarded with a smile and I don't feel like I deserve it. Normal people should be able to breathe normally and have conversations without freaking the fuck out. Is this how it's always gonna be for me?

"How do you do this?" I ask again and this time, I don't regret it. I want to know. I need to know how he gets through each day knowing that tomorrow's gonna be the same damn thing. "How do you do this every day and not go insane?"

I don't know what I'm expecting. I guess I was hoping that he has some secret way to deal with everything and that I just need to be let in on it. Or maybe I just wanted him to be able to help me feel less pathetic every time this happened. Maybe I wanted to think that there was a way to handle this shit without it happening again just a few days later. I guess I expected some kind of magic and instead, Danny just tells me the truth.

"Honestly… I don't know."


A/N: Yooo! How's your week been? Thanks for the reviews you've all been leaving, I super appreciate it.

Poor Dash. Berating yourself for having anxiety while having an anxiety attack is pretty harsh. ...I'm not sorry though. At least he's got Danny there to help him, yeah? Speaking of, the actual return of Danny is here! Told you guys he was coming pretty soon. Also RIP Dash for going in to school with no sleep, like been there man.

And what about that snub from Paulina? Like ouch, poor Dash. I know some of you think Paulina's being a bitch and like hell yeah, she is. But I'm also aware of why she acts the way that she does and I'm on the other side of the screen reading your reviews like, "But just waaaaait" Also, Kwan has so much shit coming, I feel so bad for him already, omg. Don't hate me when the angst gets to him too. Even though, let's be honest, it's kind of already started for him.

Not entirely sold on this chapter title, it's just kind of like 'alright yeah, that's a thing'. No song lyric for this chapter but this YouTube artist, Tessa Violet, just released her newest single called "Dream". Duuuudes. The song is so good. The music video is pretty cool like visually but the song is what gets me man. Check it out if you've never heard of her, it's awesome.

Shorter author's note this week since I'm posting this instead of getting work done, lmao. I really shoulda picked the weekend to post these instead... like Saturday maybe. What do you guys think? I really like it being during the week so it's like, if you guys have a shitty day at school or work, there's Dash waiting on you. Granted, there's almost always some abuse going on with Dash but still.

Anyway, hope you guys liked this chapter, thanks for reading and leaving your reviews. I'll see you next week!