I don't want to interrupt the casual feeling of the drive up until now but I think Danny senses the sudden tension even as the CD plays, keeping it from being completely silent in the car.
There's still a while to drive and I really hate that I've made it awkward. I try to come up with something to ease the tension but I keep picturing the purple on his stomach and creeping further up his chest and I can't think. My mind blanks every time I think about that color on him and I don't know why it looks wrong but it does. I'm used to my body being painted with the color but his shouldn't be.
"Um… i-is something wrong?" Danny asks and I look at him. Before I have time to think or consider whether I'm gonna answer his question honestly, I look his way. His eyebrows are drawn down like he's trying to figure out what went wrong and maybe he thinks it was him. He looks like he's ready to apologize at any moment and I exhale, flicking my gaze back toward the road. I can't bring this shit up now. We're supposed to be going to a party, not offering to bandage each other up.
"Kind of." It's out of my mouth before I can stop it and I have no idea how to take it back. Or even if he'll let me take it back. I run a hand through my hair, wracking my brains for a way out of it. I don't know how it happens but I start talking. "It's just… Paulina and I broke up, you know? And she's gonna be at the party tonight and I don't want it to be awkward. But it's probably gonna be awkward as fuck anyway."
Danny's silent for a moment and I'm still trying to grasp the fact that I just came up with an excuse on the fly. Seriously, I should get some kind of points for that or some shit. I've never come up with anything that fast, holy shit.
"Well… if you avoid her, it'll be more awkward," he says softly and I spare a glance his way. His gaze is on his lap, staring down at his folded hands. "If you act like everything's fine between the two of you, e-eventually it will be. You've just gotta make it through the first few awkward encounters." His gaze rises to mine and he offers a smile, one that's so damn encouraging, I immediately return it.
"Y-Yeah, I guess you're right." I return my stare out the windshield, focused on the road as I switch lanes. It's none of my business. He's probably not interested in telling me his shit, just like I'm not interested in telling him mine. We might sport similar bruises but our stories are probably nothing alike.
The song changes and this one I'm a little more familiar with. Even though it's from a CD Kwan made last year, it's still a good song. I nudge the volume dial up a little higher, glancing toward Danny but he doesn't seem to recognize the music.
I give him a grin when his gaze meets mine and turn it up a little louder. "High Regard" should always be blared. No exceptions.
Even with a stop to fill up on gas, we're one of the first three cars to arrive. Star's already unlocked the house so the others are milling about inside, helping her set up. Danny and I take turns moving beer cans from the fridge into a cooler half-full of ice and then I pass him off the last can.
"You should have one before this shit gets started," I tell him, cracking open one I snagged for myself. I drain a few sips before I nod toward Danny. "Seriously, it's a good thing to start the night already a little buzzed."
Danny's hesitant at first and I wonder if he's ever had alcohol before. But I don't get the chance to ask the question before he shrugs and pulls the tab open. He takes a long drag, exhaling heavily when he pulls away from the can. He sets the beer on the counter and I put mine next to his.
"W-We should probably see what else we can help Star with," Danny mumbles, leaving the kitchen. I take another sip of my beer before I follow behind him, glancing around the walls of the house. I remember coming here over spring break of junior year, laying on the couches with Paulina at my side. I still had the cast on my leg and couldn't get in the water like everyone else and the sand was a bitch to get out of the cast but it didn't matter. Cause it was a distraction from everything. Mom's disappearing act. Dad. My fucked up leg. Myself. God, it feels like forever ago that I was here.
Star's upstairs when we find her and though she gives me a look when Danny offers to help, we're both put to work anyway so I guess she doesn't hate him that badly.
Danny sets out stacks of red solo cups next to the kegs on the kitchen table and I empty chips into bowls, snagging a handful of pretzels for myself. I take a chair next to where Danny's standing and set my beer can on the table, watching as he takes the cups out of the plastic bags and sets them out. His hands shake a little and I wonder if that's another thing we share in common.
Did this thing start with him when his parents started knocking the shit out of him? Is that even what's going on? Maybe it's something else entirely. Fuck, I don't know. It's suspicious and I don't want him to go home to a shitty situation. One thing's for sure, I'm glad I convinced him to come. At least it'll give him a little while away from them.
The party gets into the swing of things by one and everyone's here. Blake and Jeff are the last to pull up and somehow, Jeff managed to talk Blake out of the whole 'steal a bus' idea. I guess he figured the team got in enough trouble the last time that happened. Blake is so strung out on whatever he's already consumed, he doesn't really seem that phased by the lack of bus stealing.
"Let's partaaayyy!" Blake screams as he runs past all of us, charging into the house in search of more alcohol. Blake's always had a thing for drinking but tonight, he's so fucking buzzed already, it won't surprise me if he ends up face-first in the sand before the hour's up.
I throw a glance toward Jeff and he shrugs, a shit-eating grin spread across his face. "This is gonna be fun." He glances past me toward Danny and shoots him the same grin. "Hope you're up for an adventure, Fenton."
Danny's face is flushed when I look toward him again but he offers up a smile in response. The three of us are starting for the house together when my phone starts vibrating like crazy in my pocket. I tell Jeff I'll catch up with him and he disappears inside the house. Danny hesitates for a few seconds before he's wandering inside too.
I manage to dig my phone out of my pocket and scan over the text messages I've received just in the last few minutes. Fuck. Can't I just have one weekend without some kind of shit?
From: Dad
The game's been over for hours, where are you?
From: Dad
Come home.
From: Dad
Dash, get your ass home now.
Fucking hell, I'm four hours away, how the hell am I supposed to get home right now? More than that, why should I fucking care? He said he'd be at the game tonight and he wasn't. He said he'll quit drinking and he hasn't. Why the hell am I the only one that's held responsible for what I do?
I consider sending him a text back but I don't. I can't think right now and I really don't need to have him crowding up my headspace. I power my phone off and locate my car in the mesh of all the others, tossing my phone into my duffel bag before I zip it closed and slam the trunk door shut.
After I make my way inside the house, I'm searching around for something to clear my head when I notice Danny hovering just inside the door. Like he was waiting for me or something. Maybe it's cause he doesn't know any of the people here but fuck it.
"Come on, let's get wasted," I tell him, moving further inside. The music is pumping throughout the house and even spilling out in the backyard which is just the beach and some tall, dead-looking grass.
Jeff and Blake are standing at the table, downing shots like it's their last night, and I don't really want to talk to them, which postpones the plan to get wasted. I wander further into the house and Danny follows after me. I'm not really sure what I'm looking for but a couple of girls from school stop to talk to me about the game.
I notice Roxane staring at me several times but she doesn't say anything, quickly going back to her conversation whenever I glance her way. Whatever. I'm not interested in whatever drama she wants to involve me in.
Paulina rounds the corner and there's an awkward few seconds of staring at each other in total silence before I feel Danny's hand nudge my hip. I guess he's trying to remind me of what he said in the car. Right. Don't make it awkward.
"H-Hey," I mumble, running a hand through my hair as Danny wanders a little way away from us. He pretends to be interested in some of the records Star owns, thumbing through a few of them. I watch Paulina look his way before she flicks her gaze back to mine, raising an eyebrow as she does.
"You invited him?" She folds her arms over her chest with an exhale. "If you wanted to get back at me, there are a thousand easier ways to do it than putting up with him," she says, shaking her head.
I should have known. She's always under the impression that everything I do has something to do with her. I invited Danny cause he looked like he needed some time away from Amity Park. And judging by the bruises I caught a glimpse of, I was fucking right.
"I didn't invite him because of you," I snap, more bite in my tone than I realized. God, does she always have to be so concerned about herself? "I invited him just cause."
Paulina rolls her eyes, flicking her gaze down to her polished fingernails. "Whatever you want to believe, Dash." She glances back up at me with a smile. "Enjoy your time with Fenton. I'll be around whenever you get bored."
She moves past me then and god fucking dammit, how did I never see how shallow she can be before now? Every little thing is about her and if it's not, it somehow still is. Jesus Christ, she can be so annoying.
There's a smaller table of drinks just outside the house and I head toward it immediately, throwing back several Jell-O shots before I stop to think. Why is she so stuck on herself? And why have I just now noticed it?
Someone claps me on the shoulder and when I turn to look, Keith is passing me by with a smile. He looks tired and I wonder how much convincing it took to get him to come tonight. I'm pretty sure if I were in his shoes, I'd be passed out in my house about now. With all the shit he has going on with his sister, I'm surprised he came at all.
"Hey man," I mumble, giving him a nod that he returns quickly, exhaling softly. He hesitates by the table for a second before he grabs one of the shots glasses. A quick tip backward and he swallows it whole, breathing out when he glances toward me.
"Little… something to enjoy this more, y'know?" he asks with a small laugh, his gaze drifting out toward the beach. I know the feeling. Parties are fucking amazing cause there's always alcohol. And alcohol makes me forget. But sometimes, I gotta forget that I'm there to forget. If that makes any fucking sense.
I run a hand through my hair, my gaze following his. "Yeah… I know what you mean, man."
Sometimes, partying with the people that don't use this kind of shit as an escape is hard. My teammates are great and I'll always be down for a party with them. But some of them just enjoy getting high or drinking themselves into a stupor rather than needing this kinda thing. I wonder how different these parties would be if they weren't an escape for me. Then again, everything in my life is an escape.
I'm about to say something to Keith, probably something brilliant and profound, when Blake comes flying out of the house, Jeff and a few cheerleaders on his heels. They're all screaming and chanting as they run toward the water, losing various articles of clothing as they go.
Keith laughs then, turning his gaze back toward mine with a small smile. "I'm gonna join them. See ya." He yanks his shirt over his head before jogging down to the beach after our friends. I don't know if Keith sees things the way I do but I'm suddenly regretting coming. It's not like I had to come but… there are expectations cause I'm part of the football crowd. And the quarterback not showing up at a party after the first game? That wouldn't exactly go down well.
Movement distracts me from watching my teammates jumping into the water and splashing each other and I turn toward the sudden company. Danny glances toward me with a smile. "Are you going in?" he asks, looking back toward the water with a small nod.
I don't regret coming here anymore. Not when I can see the carefree expression on Danny's face. Not when he looks at peace here. Whatever he thinks of my friends or parties like this, it's gotta be better than what he thinks of our town. Of the kind of things people are willing to overlook. Jesus fuck, that's why he lives out in the middle of nowhere. His parents wanna hide everything they can from any neighbors. God, can this weekend never end, please? I want this happiness frozen on his face forever.
Danny decides not to swim and I don't bring up the fact that it's probably cause he'd have to come up with a lie for the bruises or an excuse for why he's not willing to take his shirt off. I know that feeling. I've been there so many times. I could give him some pointers and I hate that he could actually use them.
He wanders back into the house after telling me to have a good time and I sort of feel guilty. It's not like we have to stick together throughout this whole party but I invited him here. I feel bad for abandoning him without any of his friends here.
I wonder where his friends are. When I mentioned the guy he used to hang around, the one with the fugly beret, Danny didn't really say anything about him. Just that he wasn't around anymore. But that wasn't the only person I saw Danny with before. I could have sworn there was a girl too. A real gloom-and-doom drama queen, who probably listened to emo bands and hung around Hot Topic in her spare time. Why doesn't he hang with them anymore? Oh fuck, what if he told them about his parents and they stopped talking to him cause of that? Shit, I don't want to bring up anything painful as fuck if I can avoid it. It'd probably be better to just steer away from that topic.
Somehow, I convince myself not to go looking for Danny and ask all kinds of questions but my mind strays back to him for most of the time I'm outside. I get in the water with my friends and Blake hangs on all of us, trying to stay upright in the middle of his laughing fits. He's still strung out on something stronger than alcohol but none of us question it anymore.
Someone approaches the water and it takes my eyes a few minutes in the darkness to figure out who it is, recognizing my best friend's build the closer he gets. He ditches his shirt and jeans, a pair of swim trunks underneath the latter, and wades out to where we all are, splashing Keith as he passes by. Kwan gets a face full of water in return but laughs it off, his gaze sweeping the water until it lands on me.
I don't know why but there's something in that look that makes my stomach turn. Like he came out here just to find me. He's already moving toward me and I watch as he wades out further, not looking back at any of us as he stares at the stars splattered across the sky like a painter's canvas.
My teammates continue splashing and yelling, generally being really drunk and stupid, and I wade out to where Kwan is, our shoulders submerged in the water now. The water's warm but I'm starting to shiver a little, the cool night air drifting across my face.
Kwan doesn't say anything at first, just keeps his gaze on the sky as I wait him out. I know my best friend like I know myself and he's only this quiet when the conversation is something that needs to be approached lightly. Like when he told me he thought he was interested in guys. And I had to remind him for months that there was nothing wrong with him before it sunk in. Considering I already know he's gay, I doubt this talk is gonna be about him this time.
He heaves a sigh before turning toward me and I'm surprised by the carefree expression on his face. I guess I look confused as hell cause he gives a small laugh. "Relax, Dash, you look like somebody just died."
I don't want to admit that my hands are clenched into fists beneath the dark water so I force a smile instead. "Whatever, man. You're the one who came out here looking like someone just kicked a puppy or some shit."
Kwan laughs before tossing a glance back toward our group. They're still absorbed in being drunk and loud so I doubt they're paying us any attention. When my best friend's gaze meets mine again, they're sparkling. "Jared told me about this club in Dryden that's opening up in October and he wants to take me there." He hesitates just long enough to make me aware that there's some reason why this is a big deal. "Can you come with me? Just like… so I'm not there alone? I mean, o-obviously Jared's gonna be there too but it's just…" He sighs heavily, looking away from me.
I wait until he glances back at me before shrugging. "I'm cool with that, man. What's the place called?" I don't really care the name, I'm just keeping Kwan talking cause he looks like he's at this weird combination of excitement and 'I might puke, watch out.' I definitely don't want the latter to happen. "He wants you guys to go opening weekend or something?"
Kwan exhales, lifting his hand from the water to run it through his hair. "I guess…? I don't really know, I didn't ask him to clarify or anything." He keeps his gaze set on the sky before darting a glance toward me. "The club's called Starlit Specters, by the way. It's an uh… it's an inclusive club, according to Jared."
I don't know if it's cause I'm already feeling a little buzzed from those shots or if it's cause I'm just generally bad at understanding subtlety but it takes me a couple of beats before I realize what the fuck he's saying. "Oh. This is… it's like a gay club or something?"
My best friend slowly nods, shrugging. "I mean, if you want to call it that, I guess. But it's not just gonna be a bunch of guys. Um… th-there are probably gonna be some straight people too. Th-Though I don't know how many or anything. Jared's the one who found the place. You know I've never been to anything like this before." His gaze drops to the water and I finally understand why he's asking me to come with him. Jared's his date but Kwan's always navigated these waters with me. I was the one who first told him it was okay that he didn't look at girls the way I do. I was the one who told him he wasn't broken. I guess if I'm there, he'll have someone he can look to for some kind of stability or something. I don't know. I don't fully understand it. But I get it enough.
"Alright, man, you just let me know when we're going and I'm there," I tell him, turning my gaze to the night sky. Kwan looks toward me again and I can tell he's smiling even before I look his way.
He exhales with a shaky laugh and nods. "Thanks, Dash. I appreciate it."
I don't know why he'd ever doubt that I'd be willing to come with him. I really don't give a shit if it's not typically for straight people, I'd still go there for him. Hell, Kwan could ask me to go with him to a gay strip joint and I'd be there. If it's for Kwan, I'd do anything he asks. We both know he deserves it after putting up with so much of my shit. And cause it makes him happy and I know he isn't like that around his parents. So, whatever. A club's a club to me and as long as Kwan's happy, I'm there.
The party's insane by the time Kwan and I leave the water and my head's mostly cleared by now. Roxane is drunk and swaying and leaning on everyone that passes by her. Keith offers to take care of her and Kwan helps him carry her up the stairs to one of the empty bedrooms.
Once they're gone from my sight, I move further into the house, looking for something to eat. I can't really remember my way to the kitchen and it takes me a couple of wrong turns to find it. I don't see Danny anywhere but I'm quickly distracted by the sheer amount of food set out on the table. After I put the bags of chips into bowls, Star must've come along after me and added more cause holy shit.
I grab another handful of pretzels and just as I manage to cram the handful into my mouth, Star rounds the corner, Blake on her heels. He's still being obnoxiously loud but Star seems pretty calm, like she's barely even buzzed. She shoots me a smile and I do my best to return it, trying not to let them know just how much I've actually managed to shove in my mouth.
Star gives me a nod. "Your friend seems like he's having a good time," she says, her gaze flicking toward the living room. I follow her line of sight but I don't see Danny. When I glance back toward her, she shrugs. "I don't know, I saw him earlier and he looked like he was having fun."
I swallow down the lump of congealed pretzels. "Yeah? Have you seen him lately?" I ask, sparing another glance at the living room. I don't have to stick by his side if he's having fun but I'd at least like to check in with him. I invited him after all.
She manages to say no before Blake starts talking over her, being incredibly obnoxious from the start of his sentence.
"Dude, dude, dude," Blake practically shouts even though the kitchen is pretty quiet amidst the music still thrumming through the house. "Dude, it's fucking shot time." His glassy, red-rimmed eyes search the kitchen but Star puts a hand on his chest, effectively putting a stop to his frantic searching. He flicks his gaze back toward Star and she spares another glance at me.
"We'll see you later. Have fun, Dash," Star says before she disappears around the corner, dragging a fairly disorientated Blake with her.
I hesitate another few minutes before I grab a can of Dr. Pepper from the cooler, shaking off the excess water before I crack it open. I take my time going through the house in search of Danny, wanting to make sure I don't miss him. It'd be easy to in the chaos that is an after-party.
The parties I remember the most from my years of Casper High are usually the ones following after the first or last game of the season, and occasionally some of the really great games too. Those were always the most obnoxious and crazy. I remember riding a skate board, tied to the back of Jeff's truck, down the streets of Amity Park in the dark, screaming my head off. My chest was painted red and white to celebrate the win and the only reason I remember that is cause it took weeks to actually wash off. I'm pretty sure my teammates used some kind of semi-permanent shit or something.
Tonight is no different than any other after-party and I can't say that's a bad thing. My teammates and I do a lot of dumb things when we're together but man alive, we have fun. I remember getting so drunk, I couldn't stand and Jeff and Kwan carrying me. Though that memory's a little fuzzy. All I really remember about that night was laughing so hard even as I spewed vomit onto Paulina's front lawn. It's that kind of image in my head that keeps me searching for Danny. I mean, he can handle himself but still. I'd hate to get invited somewhere and make an idiot of myself. Not to mention, it'd just give my teammates and the cheerleaders something to make fun of him about.
Half an hour passes by and I'm in front of the house, looking around for him, when he's suddenly standing near the porch. He gives me a smile when I look his way and I start for him.
"Hey man, been looking for you," I say, taking a drink from my nearly empty can, before I nod toward him. "You having a good time?"
Danny nods slowly at first before a lopsided grin stretches across his face. "Yeah. I beat Jeff in beer pong earlier, y-you shoulda seen it." His speech is a little slurred and I wonder how close this game was, given his general behavior.
He glances toward the beach and when he starts to wander away, I follow after him, more concerned about scooping him out of the sand than anything else. He can hold his own, but someone's gotta keep his drunk ass from smothering. Plus, there's nothing worse than a hangover combined with a mouthful of sand.
Danny looks over his shoulder and when he realizes I'm following him, he comes to a stop, giving me a curious look. "A-Aren't you supposed to be partying?" he asks, laughing a little on the question. "Are you bored already?"
I don't know why but seeing Danny more sure of himself and swaying is making me grin. Like maybe he's not wound so tightly when he's got something in him to lessen the feelings all crowding him at once. I know that feeling. Hell, I chase it every party.
"Nah man, I just came out here looking for you," I respond, watching as he sways again. It takes him a minute before he understands what I'm saying and then he just nods, moving toward the beach again. I continue to follow after him until he plops down in the sand, scooping up handfuls and dumping them down again. Sand trickles out from between his fingers every time he does and he laughs at the sensation.
I take a seat next to him, nursing the last of my Dr. Pepper, and turn my gaze out toward the water. I left my phone in the car after I saw dad's text so I have no idea what time it is. Part of me wants to go in search of a clock but the other part of me is fine just sitting here with Danny. Just listening to the sound of the rolling waves and the occasional sputtered giggle from my companion. The music from the house drifts to us and I can sort of make out what's playing on the stereo. Sounds like some kind of pop remix, something the girls did a cheer routine to last year.
As subtly as I possibly can, I check Danny out from the corner of my eye, watching as he sways and rights himself every time, little giggles escaping him in the process. He continues his adventure of grabbing handfuls of sand every few minutes and I watch his movements, trying to find anything out.
I want to ask him about the bruises but that's not fair when he's drunk and for the most part, I'm clear-headed. If I ask him at all, it'll be when he's not drunk or hungover or anything like that. He'll be able to lie or tell me the truth if that's what he wants. I don't want to force him to give me an answer just cause he's drunk.
Danny lurches suddenly and glances toward me, his eyes a little wild as a grin stretches across his face. "Wanna go for… a swim?" he asks, laughing a little at my expression I guess. He leans forward to swat my arm playfully but his perception is off and he ends up patting the side of my face. "C-Come on, it'll be fuuuun!" He tries to get on his knees but he ends up pitching forward and I catch him before he can face-plant in the sand.
"Whoa man, careful." I help him sit up again and he's leaning on me, our shoulders squished together as he continues to let out one drunken giggle after another. I should take him upstairs and let him pass out but I don't really want to move just yet. Besides, he could use the time off from thinking for a while. I'll watch out for him if he wants to keep drinking but to be honest, I don't know how much more he can put away.
It falls silent between us and I close my eyes to the sound of the ocean, listening for Danny's laughter, but it's mostly died out now. He's quiet next to me and the only reason I know he's there is his warmth against my shoulder. He's not asleep, I can tell that by the occasional movement of his arms.
He's quiet for a while longer and I drift off in the silence for a while, until he moves and I'm awake again. I blink in the darkness, turning to look at him with a half-asleep smile. "You okay?" I ask and his expression is all kinds of fucked up. Like he's warring with himself. I don't know which part of him wins but he looks up at me, meeting my gaze.
"D-Dash, I-I gotta tell you something," he mumbles, leaning in closer to me, his hand on my shoulder. I can feel his fingers trembling through my shirt and I'm immediately more alert. I was supposed to be the one awake with my thoughts, not him. He's probably been sitting over there, listening to his own inner demons screaming at him, while I've been drifting in and out of consciousness.
I let out a breath, turning more toward him. After a second of silence, I shift into a cross-legged position but I keep my gaze on his. "Alright. What's up?" I try to make myself look pretty chill about whatever he's gonna tell me but I'm pretty sure it's got something to do with the bruises littering his body.
His left hand drifts to my other shoulder but stops just short, his long fingers resting along my collarbone. There's something about the look in his eyes that makes me not want to ask him why his hands are on me. Maybe I'm his anchor at the moment, telling him it's okay to admit when he's scared. I mean… I don't believe that bullshit but he should. He doesn't have to be afraid if he's admitting it to me.
"I…" Danny glances away from me, his eyes searching the beach, before he turns to me again, scooting closer in the sand. His body is angled toward me now and he slowly rises to his knees. His one hand slides down my collarbones, resting over my heart, while his other drifts behind my neck, like he's using me to stay upright. "I… n-need to… tell you…"
His eyes drift closed and I feel my stomach muscles tightening. I've been in this moment before. But it wasn't Danny I spilled my guts to. No, Kwan was on the receiving end of that ugly shit and I've never asked him how he dealt with it. I don't want to know that Danny's getting his ass kicked at home, it'll only make me angry that I can't help him. I don't want to be made aware that there are nights he cries himself to sleep or times he can't sleep because of them. Because his body's in too much pain or because he can't turn his mind off from wondering when it'll happen again. I don't want to know these things about him and at the same time, I do.
I want to be there for him and help him walk this terrifying journey. No one should have to do this alone. It's been hell since mom left but just imagining what my life would have been like if she hadn't been there makes me feel so much pity for Danny. He's really done this whole thing by himself and I know I wouldn't have had the courage to. He's stronger than I am but even the strong can be weak. I want to help him when he feels weak.
"You can tell me anything," I say, my own voice loud in the silence. I can still hear the distant music and the lapping of the waves but Danny's gaze drops to my lips and when he leans closer, all others sounds disappear. I can feel his breath mingling with my own and all at once, the air's too thick and then it's too thin and his shaky exhale makes my toes curl into the sand. I see the expression on his face but only for a second, because I'm watching his lips moving.
His eyes drift closed as he speaks and I hang on to his every word. "I'm gonna…" A beat passes before his eyelids flutter open and he looks tired again. I guess I've been expecting the truth from him since this conversation started but he's too strung out to tell me anything. "M'gonna puke," is all he manages before he's turning away from me, hurling his guts onto the sand behind him.
I can still feel the lingering warmth from his touch and I'm wondering what the hell I would have done if his lips had met mine and I don't know why I'm wishing they had. Maybe I just want to make him feel better and maybe I just want to know what it feels like but fuck, I hate the horrible timing of alcohol.
It takes me a few seconds of listening to Danny puking before I remember that I should be taking care of him, not letting him fall face first into the sand. Just as he starts to pitch forward, I scramble up from my spot, keeping him from inhaling a face full of beach.
"Whoa, hang on." His laughter dances into the open air and it matches perfectly with the music still pouring from the house as I help him to his feet. It takes me a couple of tries but I manage to pick him up, one arm supporting his back and the other under his knees. His head lolls back as he lets out one wasted laugh after another and I begin trudging up toward the house, my feet slipping in the sand.
We're not in the position that we were earlier when his eyes were on my lips and I can't feel his breath on me now. He smells like vomit and it's disgusting but all I can think when his fingertips brush the back of my neck is, why didn't you kiss him, you fucking idiot?
Danny settles against my chest, his fingers finding hold in my shirt and honestly, his hands not touching me right now is a good thing. I don't know what the hell is going on with me but every time his trembling fingers meet my skin, it's like something bursts into flames inside of me and scratches up my insides with its heat. Maybe it's the alcohol or maybe it's cause it's fucking late and I'm exhausted but goddammit, I like the feeling of fire.
I carry him past stumbling, drunk idiots and I make it all the way into the house before someone stops to talk to me. Jeff's wearing the biggest grin on his face but it disappears when he sees Danny in my arms. "Whoa man… is he okay?" he asks and I notice his eyes are a little clearer now than they were earlier.
I give him a quick nod before starting for the stairs. "I think he's alright," I say, raising my voice a little over the music and Jeff is quick to follow after me.
"Here, man, lemme get the door for you. You just gonna lay him down somewhere?" he asks, jogging up the stairs in front of me. He gets to the landing and opens a few doors before deciding on a room. "Come on, this one's empty."
Jeff helps me get Danny onto the mattress and by the time he's settled, Danny's back to babbling incoherently, going on about the game earlier tonight. The front of his red t-shirt is spotted with vomit and I glance toward my teammate.
"Could you stay with him for a minute? I'm gonna get his bag from my car," I say and Jeff is quick to nod. His eyes are mostly clear and he looks pretty alert. Not that I think anything's gonna happen, I just don't want Danny falling off the bed and severely injuring himself. Knowing my luck, that's just the way it would go.
I hesitate in the doorway for a second before I'm jogging down the stairs and back out through the front door. The sand slips under my feet as I run and by the time I make it to my car, my feet are basically covered. Good thing I ditched my shoes earlier… just wish I could remember where.
My front door is still unlocked and I snatch the keys up from the passenger seat, walking around to the trunk to unlock it. Someone's jogging toward me from the house and when he passes under the porch light, I can tell it's Kwan. I just manage to swing both my bag and Danny's onto my shoulder before Kwan reaches me.
"Hey, I saw you running out here," Kwan says, glancing around before focusing on me. "Is something wrong?" There's a crease between his eyebrows and when I meet his gaze, I can see concern in his eyes. I don't know what the hell he thinks I'm out here for but there's nothing to worry about.
I gesture to the bags on my shoulder before slamming the trunk closed, swinging my keys around my finger. "Nope. Just came out here to get a change of clothes for Danny." Kwan's eyebrows draw down and in the dim lighting, I can see the puzzled expression painted across his face. Like he's either trying to place who Danny is or why I'm out here getting the bag for him. "He was puking and got it on himself," I offer before he has to ask.
"Oh," Kwan responds, flicking his gaze back to the house before turning toward me with a grin. "Jared's been texting me all night." His eyes are sparkling and the sheer happiness on his face makes me smile in return. Before I can respond or tease him, someone starts yelling and it sounds pretty fucking panicked.
Kwan and I both turn toward the sound and someone's running toward us, panting heavily as they collapse against the front of my car. My best friend and I move around to where the figure is and after a second, I realize it's Keith. He's panting and whimpering and Kwan takes a step closer to him, placing a hand on his shoulder.
"Hey, are you okay?" Kwan asks and Keith looks up. His eyes are red and brimming with tears and he flicks his gaze between us before speaking, all of his words jumbled together as he speaks.
"N-No… she's not… she's… oh god." He sweeps his gaze around the beach before focusing on Kwan again, his shaky hands grabbing onto his shoulders as he struggles to stay upright. "I-I've gotta get home… wh-where's Star, I came with her."
Kwan glances toward me but I keep my gaze focused on Keith. "What's going on, man?"
He looks toward me and stumbles away from Kwan, almost tripping but he manages to right himself at the last second. "M-My sister… she's… god, she's in the hospital a-and my parents are saying that the doctors d-don't think she's gonna last the night and I'm at a fucking party and I need to get back to her, I have to see her again." He's hyper-ventilating as tears stream down his face, his gaze darting up and down the beach as he looks for Star.
Shit. How's that for jerking him back to reality?
Keith exhales shakily, not bothering to brush the tears away as his eyes dart around the area. "I-I've gotta get out of here, I-I knew I should have driven my car… o-or stayed home. Fuck." He jerks his hands through his hair, a broken sound leaving him.
I spare a glance at Kwan and his face is a mixture of worry and concern, his eyes only meeting mine for a second before he's focused on Keith again. "Come on, we can take my car," Kwan responds, offering up a small smile as he digs his keys from his pocket. He clicks the horn button for his car and the three of us turn toward the sound. And all at once, we realize how completely stuck his car is. Everyone's parked around it to the point that I can barely see the hood of his car, only recognize it cause it's the car that's flashing lights.
Keith cries out again, turning in a circle as he starts calling out for Star. He only calls her name twice before his voice breaks and he hangs his head, pulling at his hair. God, the sounds leaving him are fucking awful and I hate that this is happening.
I hesitate only a second before I hold my keys out toward Kwan. "You haven't had anything to drink in the last hour, have you?"
Kwan looks up at the keys and shakes his head slowly just as Keith realizes what's happening. He looks between the two of us before stepping closer to me, clapping me on the shoulder, a spluttered cry leaving him. "Th-Thank you, I-I…" he trails off, moving to the passenger side before he looks up at me again. "I-I'll return it in the morning, I-I swear."
"Don't worry about it," I respond.
Kwan opens the driver's side before looking at me. "I'll text you when we get there. And I'll bring your car back tomorrow." He gets into the front seat and I take a few steps back as he pulls away from the house, heading back toward the highway. I watch my retreating car for longer than necessary before I remember that I have an incredibly drunk Danny to attend to.
Jeff is still in the room and he jumps up from a chair when he sees me. "Dude, he's looking really green, I think he's gonna blow chunks," he says in a rush, darting a nervous glance back toward Danny and after a second, my eyes follow his line of sight.
"Thanks, man," I respond, patting his shoulder as I pass by him. Danny's curled up one side and he doesn't budge when I drop our bags near his feet. "You alright, man?" He lets out a groan in response and I roll my eyes, glancing back toward Jeff. "I got it from here, thanks."
He crosses over to the doorway after a nod and closes the door behind him, mumbling something about the noise disturbing Danny. As soon as the door's closed, I flick my gaze back to Danny with a sigh.
"Alright, Fenton," I mumble, looping an arm around him to help him sit up. He gives another groan and I manage to grab the hem of his shirt before his eyes open.
Danny meets my gaze, his eyelids droopy and his eyes unfocused. "Whaaatcha doing?" he asks, his voice slurred and deeper than it normally is. I guess the change in his speech has me kinda frozen for a few seconds because he laughs, his head tilting back as the sound dribbles from his mouth. "You look… like you've seen… a ghost."
Not a ghost. Just a really drunk guy I almost kissed. My face is hot and I pretend it's from the temperature in the house. I'm not going fucking red cause Danny's voice is a little altered by the alcohol. That'd be pathetic.
"You need to change out of this shirt or Star will kill me for letting you sleep on this bed," I respond, grabbing hold of the hem again, easing it up over his stomach. In all the rush of the evening and the loud music and what happened on the beach, I sort of forgot about the bruises across his body. Shit, they look worse than I remember catching a glimpse of. One alone covers most of his stomach and it's a gross mixture of green and purple.
I flick my gaze up to Danny's and he's staring back at me, leaning back on his hands. He swallows and I can see his throat bob with the movement. He wets his lips with his tongue and I find myself watching that little flash of pink, maybe as a way to keep myself from looking at the bruising.
"It doesn't hurt anymore," he says, so quietly I almost miss it. He holds my gaze for another second or so before his eyes drift down toward his stomach and my gaze follows his. Danny slowly lifts one hand and trails his fingers along one of the worst-looking bruises. With an exhale, he looks up to me again, a smile pulling at his features. "The more I drank, the less it hurt."
Fuck. I know that feeling too well.
I blow out a breath, keeping my gaze on his for another few seconds before I realize that if anyone were to stumble in here, no matter how drunk, they'd get a look at Danny's bruises and while he probably doesn't care now, he will in the morning.
"You need to change out of this shirt," I repeat, waiting until he moves his hand from his bruises with a sigh before I continue. "Can you raise your arms for me?"
Danny lifts his arms over his head, his half-lidded gaze staying on me even as I shift out of his view to get the neck of the shirt over his face. He exhales when I drop the shirt onto the floor and his arms fall to his sides. "My clothes… are still in your car." I gesture to the bags behind him and he glances at them, his unfocused eyes registering them after a few seconds. "Oh."
I pull a t-shirt from the bag and he automatically raises his arms without me having to tell him. His gaze is back on mine and I slowly ease the shirt on over his head. I don't know what he was planning on wearing to bed but this looks comfortable enough. I step back when I'm done and he lets out a breath, leaning back on his hands again. I'm not sure how he'll feel about changing out of his jeans but I can see sand sticking to them and Star really will kill me.
"Did you bring any pajama pants or anything?" I ask, flicking my gaze toward him. He leans his head back before nodding, letting out a breath as his eyes fall closed. I don't know how I'm gonna go about trying to put pants on someone else but hell, at least I can say I've done it if I succeed.
It's a little bit like working with some kind of drunk octopus but somehow, I manage to get a pair of sweatpants on him, instructing him to stay in the chair I direct him to, while I strip the bed. He only got sand on the comforter but I have no idea when the last time these sheets were changed. Ordinarily, I wouldn't care about this and I guess I'm just doing this to give myself something to do.
Danny obediently stays in the chair, his gaze trained on the window, a faraway look in his eyes. I want to ask him a million questions and find out what's running through his head. But I don't ask and he doesn't offer. So I just grab a fresh set of sheets from the closet and wrestle the bottom one on before spreading the top one out.
There are a few blankets in the closet and I add those on in case Danny gets cold. After I place a pillow at the top of the bed, I cross over to Danny, extending my hand toward him. "All done, you can sleep now."
He continues to stare out the window for a few seconds before he shifts his gaze back toward mine with a heavy sigh. "I can stand on my own." As if to make a point, he rises from the chair, taking one ungraceful step after another until he collapses on the bed, his face immediately buried into the pillow. It'd be a hilarious picture if I could convince myself that the groan that follows isn't because he's bruised all to hell.
"Alright, I'll let you sleep," I tell him, crossing the room to grab my bag. There's no need to wake him up later when I need to get this.
I've just swung the bag onto my shoulder when Danny makes a soft noise, something that sounds like a cross between a whimper and another groan. Noises like that don't really suit him so it draws my attention instantly.
He's got his head turned to look at me, the rest of his body completely flat against the mattress. It looks uncomfortable as hell but he gives me a smile when I look his way. "Don't leave."
There's something in his eyes or his smile or maybe it's just the sound of his voice as he asks but somehow, I'm agreeing before I've even thought about it. The party's still going on downstairs and I could easily slip away and drink until I pass out. But Danny's looking at me like all he wants is my presence. And honestly, I'm not interested in drinking until I pass out tonight.
"Yeah, sure. Just lemme get changed." I gesture toward my bag before I move to the door, pulling it open as soon as I'm close enough. Danny doesn't say anything so I pull the door closed behind me and cross over to the bathroom. Thankfully, it's vacant. I'd hate to have to fight drunk idiots making out just to change my clothes.
I push the door shut behind me and spin the lock into place before dropping my bag onto the floor. I could probably use a quick shower. Before I have time to convince myself otherwise, I turn the water on and strip down, stepping into the stall and underneath the water. It runs down my back and chases away any bits of sand still clinging to my skin.
My shower is pretty quick and within a few minutes, I'm done and toweling off. I packed pajama pants and a sleeveless shirt like I do every year for this party but this is probably the first year I've ever changed into them. Damn, I don't know if I'm getting too old for this kinda shit or if I'm starting to care less but the last thing I want to do is party right now.
I find a comb underneath the sink and run it through my hair before I dig my toothbrush from my bag, squirting a generous amount of paste onto the bristles. I brush my teeth pretty thoroughly and even use a little bit of the mouthwash I find underneath the sink when I put the comb back.
After sparing my reflection one last glimpse in the mirror, I turn to grab my bag, the sight of my phone lighting up in the bottom making my breath leave me. I guess I've been kind of avoiding it all night but I still don't want to respond to dad. At this point, I'm sure I'd sound pissed even through a text. I'll respond tomorrow when I wake up. Maybe.
I quietly ease the door open in case Danny's asleep and his eyelids flutter open. I wince and push the door closed behind me. "Sorry, didn't mean to wake you."
Danny shakes his head and stumbles up from the bed, pushing the covers back to crawl under them. With a heavy exhale, he settles back into the pillow, humming softly as he looks up at me. "I wasn't really sleeping, more like drifting in and out." He yawns, making me think that he's just bullshitting that.
I drop my bag onto the floor and pile my clothes on top of his, kicking them and the bedding further away from the door. I'll get them in the morning, making sure to at least put the sheets and comforter in the wash before I take off. Besides, Kwan'll be driving my car back so I'll have to wait around anyway.
After I find a pillow for myself, I cross over to the light switch, my fingers hesitating on it. "Do you want the light on?" I don't know why I ask, maybe because he was drifting with it on or maybe cause I have no fucking clue how he likes to sleep. Danny's eyes open again and he shakes his head, his tongue darting out to wet his lips again.
I click the light off and stand by the door for a few seconds while I wait for my eyes to adjust to the darkness before I cross the room. I pull back the other side of the covers and climb in next to Danny, pushing the covers between us. He rolls over to face me and the light from the window lets me see the soft smile on his face.
"Thanks for taking care of me," he says, his voice nowhere near as slurred as it was before my shower. I wonder if he's had time to kinda sober up or if he's just quick at recovering from alcohol. I don't know… as much as he ingested and as hammered as he was not even fifteen minutes ago, I doubt it. Maybe he's just in that weird sleepy-drunk stage. Been there enough times that I should be able to recognize it.
I shrug, rolling onto my back to face the ceiling. "Don't worry about it." I invited him to the party tonight. There was no way I was gonna watch him get completely plastered and do nothing to help him. Besides, if I hadn't been there, he might have been still inhaling sand while he slept.
Danny exhales and slides his legs back and forth underneath the sheet. "I'm sorry… for taking you from the party," he says softly and I wonder what his expression is. I close my eyes and try to imagine it but my mind is clouded with alcohol and exhaustion.
"You're not taking me from the party, I'm fucking exhausted," I tell him and it's not a lie. I love partying and especially with my friends but even I can hit a limit and tonight, I definitely did. Besides, it feels weird to party knowing that Keith and Kwan are driving all night to get back to see Keith's sister. "Seriously, I'm fine."
He groans softly and flops onto his back, one arm covering his eyes. I glance toward him and laugh a little at his position. Danny peeks from behind his arm and gives me a smile. "Are you laughing at me?" he asks, and I think I imagine the slight blush on his cheeks. It's fucking dark in here, I wouldn't be able to see it if he was. I give him a smile in response and he covers his face again.
I don't know how long I've drifted for but the sound of the music shutting off wakes me from my dozing and I scrub a hand down my face, trying to find a clock in here somewhere but there's nothing. Seriously? Who doesn't have a clock anymore?
There's quiet talking outside the door and I can see shadows passing in front of the bedroom. For a few seconds, they hover outside and I almost catch what's being said. But the people move away and the shadows disappear. I'm about to flop back down on my pillow but I notice the curled figure next to me, shaking like maybe he's cold. Danny must have kicked the covers off in the night.
I reach to pull them over him again and he lets out a soft whimper, exhaling sharply afterward like he's trying to cover the noise. I don't know if I wasn't supposed to hear it or if he's trying to put on a brave front but I'm pretty sure he's crying.
"Hey… you alright?" I ask him, abandoning the blankets in favor of putting my hand on his shoulder. I may not know that much about him and this may be the first time I've ever seen him cry, but our situations aren't that different. We're both returning home to bruises and lies when we leave this place so… I feel for him. "What is it?"
Danny lets out a strangled noise, curling into the fetal position as he weakly drags the pillow over his head. I hear a muffled cry leave him and fuck, I don't know what to do. If this were me, I'd just pretend I was fine or tell whoever was asking to fuck off but this is Danny and I don't like the thought of him soldiering his emotions alone.
"You can talk to me." I don't know if it helps but I try again. "Seriously, you're… you're not alone." Not tonight…. Not ever. Not with this kind of secret.
I gently give his shoulder a reassuring squeeze and he lets out a pent-up breath, seeming like all of his frustration is out in that one action. He rolls over onto his back and swipes at his eyes, staring up at the ceiling in the silence. I want to say something to help him or take his mind off of it but the silence is too thick for me to break now.
Danny's quiet next to me and other than the sound of our breathing, there's not another sound in the house. I want to ask him what he's feeling or what's running through his mind or even what the fuck is making him so sad, but I don't. I'm shit with words and I'm pretty sure I'd just make the situation worse. Whatever's running through his head, he's dealing with on his own.
The silence doesn't last long before Danny parts his lips, whispering into the darkness. "H-Hey, Dash?" he asks, his voice shaky as he speaks. I turn toward him but his gaze is still on the ceiling.
I run my tongue over my bottom lip, exhaling out before I respond. "Yeah?"
He doesn't speak for a few seconds, the silence blanketing us. I wonder if he's drifted off again but he shifts next to me and I know he's still awake. I don't know if what he's gonna say is really important or if he just wants to hear another voice in the darkness but either way, I'm there. I've been alone through this shit enough times to know that someone else's presence can be a real fucking life-saver.
"Can I ask you something?" Danny whispers, rolling over to face me. I'm still on my back but my head's turned toward him and after a moment, I angle my body toward his. The light from the window filters across his face and I can see the worried look he carries. Like maybe what he has to ask me is important and if I don't say the right thing, he'll retreat in on himself.
I nod but the gesture is probably lost in the darkness. "'Course."
He bites down on his bottom lip and for a second, it looks like he's gonna change his mind and not ask me at all. I don't have any clue what's going through his head and not knowing will probably kill me. Thankfully, he doesn't leave me in suspense for long.
"Do you… Do you ever think about getting out of Amity Park? F-Forever? Just never coming back?" he whispers, all of his words rushing out at once. I lose myself in the way his voice shakes and I don't know how to respond. I don't know if I could ever leave our town for good, it's not really in the cards for me. I've imagined running away a thousand times as I nurse black eyes and bruised ribs but I doubt I could do more than imagine.
"I-I've thought about it, yeah," I respond softly, my breath leaving me as I speak. "I don't think… that I'd really be able to leave forever but yeah, I've definitely… thought about it."
Danny's gaze drops from my face and he slowly lets out a breath. There's silence between us again and I don't know if I've said the right thing or not. Should I have told him no? That it's never crossed my mind? He wouldn't have asked unless he wanted to know that he wasn't alone.
"Sometimes I wish I could leave right now," he whispers and I want to give that to him. I wish I could tell him that we'd hit the road and live off fast food and only stop if my car gave out. Which knowing its brakes, that'd probably happen 50 miles outside the town limit.
I shift a little closer to him, watching the way his gaze rises at the movement. I don't know if he's uncomfortable with my closeness but I don't want these words out there for anyone to hear. I've barely admitted it to Kwan and I can barely believe the words are on the tip of my tongue now. But with Danny breathing softly next to me, it's easy to open up about the things I've only ever thought about.
"I-I want to leave too," I whisper, shakily exhaling. "I don't want to live in Amity Park for the rest of my life, I want out of there. I-I'd like to go to college, learn a few things, live a little. Th-Then maybe settle down in a city somewhere." I swallow back everything else trying to spill from me. There's no need to play what if because I'm not leaving our town, ever. But just because I'm not, doesn't mean that he won't.
Danny looks up at me but I speak before he can. "Y-You will though. I don't doubt that you'll go as far as you possibly can and this town will just be a dot in your rearview mirror one day," I tell him and a small smile pulls at one corner of his mouth. "You'll go far, I know you will. A-And believe me, I'm gonna be watching the paper to read your success story."
He laughs softly and the sound eases some of the tension hanging in the air. It brings a smile to my face and in response, his posture becomes more relaxed. I don't know how long it is that we talk but eventually, the night wears on and we each drift off again, the sound of his quiet breathing lulling me back to sleep.
A/N: Ahhh, hello readers! It's been a bit since I've updated, sorry about that. Real life has been kinda hectic, you know? I really appreciate you all sticking around for this fic though.
Sooooo. We're finally at the beach trip. The infamous beach trip. The one I've been screaming about to AstroPhantom for oh, I don't know. The last ten days?
I've been really nervous about posting this chapter and I'm not really sure why. I really enjoyed writing this chapter and as a whole, it's still exactly what I wanted it to be. I guess I'm just nervous of you guys' reaction? Might also have to do with the almost-kiss tease, haha. Or the fact that it's over 10k words. (Yeah, whoops. Apparently I get really wordy)
So, we get to see a LOT more Danny in this one, which I'm sure you're all happy about. They really make quite the pair, huh? Also, what do you guys think of Paulina? And the shit going down with Keith? I'd love to know all of your thoughts, it really brightens my day hearing from you all!
The song mentioned in the car drive, High Regard, is by The Story So Far and it's the source of this week's chapter title. I don't really feel like the song itself fits this chapter but it kinda does for the Paulina/Dash parts? I don't know, you guys tell me?
Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this chapter, please let me know what you think of it! I'll hopefully see you guys next week!
