After I somehow manage to pull myself together, Alex rides in my passenger seat, telling me when to turn. Other than the directions, we're not really talking and I can't decide if the silence is suffocating or not.
Part of me is grateful that he's not trying to drag me into a conversation cause I'm really not sure how well I'd hold up in one right now. I still feel kinda off from my surprise waterworks. I guess Alex can sense that because he doesn't even look my way until I coast my car to a stop where he says to. We're in the parking lot of a building I vaguely recognize as somewhere my mom and I went as a child a couple times. I never would have found it without Alex here.
"They may not be able to turn the lights on until the morning," Alex says, his voice quiet even in the silence of my car. I can't help but feel like the sympathy on his face is for more than just this shitty situation. "If that's the case, I want you to stay with me for the night."
A groan slips from me. "Alex-"
"No." He shakes his head, his decision clear in his expression. "No fighting me on this. I don't… I can't stand the thought of you spending the night in the dark, okay? So if the power can't be turned on until tomorrow, you're staying with me." His voice is still quiet but pretty damn firm, leaving no room for arguing. And honestly, I don't want to argue with Alex.
"Okay," I softly respond. My own voice sounds weird to my ears and I wonder if it does to Alex. He gives me a curious look, his eyes taking in the damage again.
He watches me for a few seconds, like he's trying to make a decision between two options and they both suck major ass. "Dash, did you…" he trails off after a few seconds, giving me a questioning look. "This is the first day the power's been off, right?" The expression on his face looks pretty much exactly how I feel. I wonder how good my bullshitting is lately cause I really can't stand the idea of telling him the truth.
"Yeah, I came home and the lights were out. I found the stack of mail on the counter and dug through it 'til I found what looked like some bills." I give him a shrug and I hope it appears as casual.
Alex holds my gaze for a few seconds before his expression falls. He lets out a breath as he turns away from me, staring down at his lap as he turns right in his seat. "I don't know why you think I can't tell when you're lying." He curls his hand around the door handle but he doesn't open it yet. I guess he's waiting on my response.
"S-Sorry," I say, dropping my stare too. There's something about seeing Alex's expression fall that makes me feel guilty. Mainly cause I don't want him to feel bad because of me. "I just… don't want you to have to deal with my shit. You have your own to handle and it's probably a lot to go through even before you add in putting up with me. And Anastasia kinda made it seem like you have to deal with a lot more than I realized and I just really don't want to add to it. Cause god knows whatever the fuck you're going through is worse than-"
"Dash, it's okay," Alex says, stopping me from saying any more. He puts a hand on my shoulder and gives me a smile when I look up at him. He nods like he's confirming his statement. "I care about you a lot. If something's wrong, I'd like it if you tell me so I can help you."
I don't know what else to say so I nod. He sounds sincere and I really don't want to argue anymore. I just want to get through this crap ass situation and get the lights back on. Here's to hoping that everything works out perfectly and I can go back to a home with electricity.
While we're standing in line at Amity Park Electric, Alex shows me how to fill out a check cause I've completely forgotten. I'm kind of surprised I don't remember how to do this. I had to fill out a check in my junior year to officially pay my first payment for my own car insurance and I remember that day like it was yesterday.
Since I'd started working steady at Alex's, I didn't need mom or dad to cover it any more. It left more money in mom's account for when dad would pull shit like this.
The woman that calls on us is way too happy. She's energetic as fuck and normally that'd be a good thing. But I'm tired and she's so bubbly it's hard to take. She keeps smiling even after delivering the news that the power won't be turned back on until Friday or possibly Monday. Great, that's just my luck. I hope Alex doesn't change his mind cause I really don't want to go back to a dark home.
Alex leans on the counter and the woman meets his gaze instantly. I get the feeling she was more interested in him to begin with. Whatever, she probably recognizes how pathetic I am if I brought someone along with me to hold my hand.
"Can we speak to Kendra?" Alex asks, giving the woman behind the desk a wide smile that looks almost amused. It's hard to tell but I think he's attempting to flirt. Seriously? He needs a lot of pointers if that's as good as he can do.
The woman flushes and quickly nods, looking pretty damn reluctant as she leaves the desk and disappears into the back. Alex lets out a soft breath and glances my way once. "She's the manager now. If anyone can get your power back on any faster, it's her."
I don't know what the manager can do in place of the first woman we talked to but I nod anyway, glancing around the building. If mom ever took me inside when we came here, I don't remember it. At least I'll know where to go the next time dad pulls this shit.
The person that comes back in place of Smiley has long brown hair and blue eyes that widen when she sees Alex. For a few seconds, they just stare at each other. And I feel like I could cut the tension with a fucking knife.
I guess the woman, Kendra I think Alex called her, realizes that she still has a job to do cause she recovers from her surprise pretty quickly, immediately moving behind the computer, her eyes fixated on the screen. "What can I help you with, sir?" she asks, looking up at him. She holds his gaze but there's a touch of wariness in the look. Like she's afraid at any moment he'll disappear.
Alex smiles again but this one isn't amused or in an attempt to flirt. It's sad and barely a smile and he looks more like he's trying to hold himself the fuck together. "Hey, Kendra," he says softly. He exhales like he can't hold the breath in anymore and the sound is loud in the silence. The rest of the place is buzzing with conversation and the sound of papers rustling but from where I'm standing, I almost think I've gone deaf.
Kendra breaks the silence, her expression softer than her tone. "What are you doing here, Alex?" She rests the heels of her hands against the edge of the counter, looking somewhere between pissed off and really fucking hopeful.
"I'm here to help out a friend of mine," Alex says and Kendra's gaze turns to me. She only looks my way for maybe a second or two before she's looking at Alex again and I feel really awkward. Like I'm looking in on a private moment or overhearing a conversation I'm not meant to. Alex looks like he's warring with himself. Like he can't decide whether he's glad to be here or not.
"The lights were cut off at his place and I was hoping they could be turned on sooner than Friday," he says, giving Kendra what looks like a forced smile. I've never seen Alex like this before. Who the fuck is Kendra and what happened between them? More importantly… why have I never heard of her before? She seems really important to Alex.
She hesitates for a few seconds before exhaling softly, nodding. "I can change it to tomorrow but that's the earliest. Maintenance are already on their route for the day." Kendra tears her gaze away from Alex and taps onto the keyboard, a frown creasing her features as she types.
Alex is silent next to me and won't return the looks I shoot his way. Kendra continues to type on the keyboard and they both pretend like there isn't this huge fucking elephant between them. Maybe I'm not the only one that pretends my problems don't exist and maybe Alex has a hell of a lot more to deal with than I ever thought. All I know for sure is that I've never heard silence sound so fucking loud before.
We leave the building together after Kendra tells us she can't help us anymore. I've never paid this bill before but I'm pretty sure the people who work here don't treat everybody the way she did Alex. He looks lost in thought as we cross the parking lot to my Mitsubishi and I'm trying to come up with a way to bring up the questions asking about who the hell Kendra is when Alex speaks first.
"Listen, we need to drop off a check for your water bill and afterwards, we'll swing by your place so you can get some clothes and stuff for the night," he says as we come to a stop next to my car. His gaze is still focused downward but I don't think he's trying not to look at me. I'm pretty sure his mind is still on Kendra. Whoever the hell she is to Alex, she must be pretty damn important.
I open my door and the sound draws Alex's attention to me. "Okay," I tell him, getting into the car and easing back in the seat. I slam the door closed and it takes Alex a few seconds before he gets in after me, buckling his seatbelt before his gaze returns to staring out the window.
There's a probably a million questions I could ask him but he looks really lost in thought and I don't want to force him into a conversation right now. I'll ask later. I'll give him now because now he can get lost in his own mind and figure out the way he feels and process it all before he ever has to speak. Kwan doesn't always give me that but when he does, it makes the conversation afterwards that much easier. So speaking from experience, I'll give Alex now. But I'll grill the fuck out of him later.
I don't know where the water place is either but thankfully, Alex does. If I was more of an adult, I'd probably know where all of this shit is but I fucking suck at being responsible. At least the next time dad pulls this shit, I won't need anyone to hold my hand.
Other than the occasional directions, Alex stays quiet through the ride there and back. His silence leaves me with plenty of time to think and I can't keep my mind from wandering. I'm really interested in whoever this Kendra chick is but I'm not getting any information out of Alex right now. Which leaves me to think about everything else.
I wonder how things went for Kwan while I was at practice. He was acting really weird about skipping today… maybe he went to see Jared. I wonder if I can get Paulina on board with the idea of a double date. That'd be equal parts horrible and great. Horrible because there's a high chance it'd end up being really fucking awkward. At least I'd get to spend time with Kwan though, see his face light up like it does around Jared.
Paulina's not something I can really think about at the moment cause I still haven't figured out the way that I feel about her and all the shit between us. I don't know if it was ever her I missed but there's a part of me that's a little more at ease knowing that there's still a chance for us. The other part of me doesn't want to think about it cause this means I'm gonna be her boyfriend again. And last time, I really sucked at it.
I can't even start to think about my mom with Alex in the car because I'll end up seconds away from spilling my guts about the phone call and how I agreed instantly to meet her whenever she shows up. Alex would try to talk me out of it and I can't chance that. Even if she's only here for a few minutes, I have to hear what my mom wants to say to me. If it's important enough for her to come back to Amity Park, I have to hear it.
Not thinking about my mom and not thinking about Paulina leaves me with Danny. I really fucked things up with him. If I just hadn't pushed him so hard for answers, we'd probably be talking right now. I'd make some shitty joke about my face being bruised the way it is and Danny would somehow make me feel better about it.
But I messed things up and there's no way to fix it. God, I was getting used to him being around. I haven't let someone into this fucked up world of mine in so long and I almost wanted to with Danny. If it was gonna make him feel less alone, I was gonna tell him the truth. …Is it too late to fix this?
Alex is so lost in thought, he doesn't realize I've changed directions until I pull into the parking lot of the garage. He moves his stare from the window and blinks a few times before looking my way, a slight frown pulling at his features. "I thought we were going to get some of your things for the night."
I put the car into park and exhale softly, my hands dropping from the steering wheel. "Yeah, I will." Alex watches me as I run a hand through my hair. I can't stop thinking that things aren't completely fucked up with Danny. And I'm willing to act on it for once.
"I'll meet you at your place… there's something I gotta do first," I tell Alex, shrugging because I don't feel like smiling. There's a small seed of hope and I'm afraid if I try to force any kind of facial expression, something will convince me not to try to fix things.
Alex hesitates a few seconds before he unbuckles his seatbelt with a nod. "Alright. Text me when you're headed over?" he asks, waiting until I nod before he opens the door. He stands beside the door for a few seconds before leaning his head in again. "Don't go home to stay, I'll come find you if you're not on your way to me by ten, got it?"
He doesn't look convinced even after I nod but he eventually slams my car door and I only wait a few seconds before I rev the engine and pull out of the parking lot. I've only been to Danny's house once but I can figure out the way there. I have no fucking clue if this is gonna work but I have to try. An ordinary person would let someone have their distance and leave someone alone if it was asked of them. But I'm not an ordinary person and maybe this is the only time it's useful but I'm gonna do what I do in situations like this and wear Danny down. Come hell or high water, he's gonna talk to me tonight.
Danny's car is parked outside his house when I pull up. I don't bother calling or texting him – he'd probably just ignore it. I can't really blame him though. I was being a real ass about this whole thing when I brought it up.
I get out of my car and walk the short distance to his house, rapping my knuckles against the front door. After fifteen seconds of silence, I try the doorbell. Thankfully, that gets a response but it's not Danny who opens the door.
Jack Fenton is standing on the other side of the gray-blue door and the smile he gives me is hesitant at first. He's trying to place me again and I guess the bruising is throwing him off.
I give him a bright smile and slide my hands into my pockets. "Hey, Mr. Fenton."
This time, he realizes who I am without any kind of prompting. "Dash, right?" he asks, his smile growing as he opens the door wider. "Come in, come in. You want me to get Danny for you?"
I give him a forced smile only because I don't want him to know that I'm aware of how he treats his kid. I don't know want to make things worse for Danny so I'm not saying a word. "Yeah, actually, that'd be great," I tell him, stepping inside the house.
The door swings shut behind me and Danny's dad wanders further into the house, leaving me standing in the foyer. Now that I'm finally here, worry is starting to creep its way into my gut. Maybe Danny was telling the truth and those bruises I saw weren't from his parents. It doesn't make sense any other way but whatever. I'm not here for answers. I'm here to apologize and pretty much beg him to keep talking to me. It's so fucking pathetic but I was really getting used to him.
I'm not sure what I expected to happen but when Danny shows up, the look on his face kinda leaves me speechless. His expression is caught somewhere between surprised and really confused.
"Dash, what are you doing here?" His eyes widen when he meets my gaze and he casts a nervous glance around the foyer. "Y-You shouldn't be here." He folds his arms over his chest and I can't help but feel like he's trying to keep his walls up.
"I'm sorry," I say and continue before he can interrupt me. "I'm really sorry, alright? I should just stop fucking assuming shit and I know that. You just… you gotta know that I'm sorry, okay?"
Danny hesitates for a second before he exhales, his shoulders dropping with the movement. "It's fine." He glances over his shoulder before he nods to the door. "You should probably head out of here though."
I blink, almost unable to believe that this is fixed so easily. I didn't really expect Danny to give in that quickly. "S-So you like… you don't hate me anymore?" I ask.
Danny meets my gaze before rolling his eyes, stepping past me to tug open the door. "I never hated you, Dash," he says, stepping out onto the porch. I quickly follow after him as he scuffs the toe of his shoe against the top step, his gaze away from me.
I pull the door closed behind us and join him near the top step. Dusk is falling and it seems darker here than anywhere else in town. Maybe it's cause this house is so far away from the rest of the town or maybe it's cause I'm picturing what might be happening behind closed doors but something feels dark about this house. "Does this mean we can talk again?" I ask, sliding my hands into my pockets. Danny pushes out a breath that doesn't sound like he's interested in that at all but I have to try. "I really am sorry."
Danny looks toward me with a snort. He shakes his head slowly, like he's giving himself the time to figure out what he wants to say. Or maybe he's giving me the chance to realize what an idiot I'm being. I guess he realizes that second part is never gonna happen.
"You're sorry, Dash. That doesn't mean you've suddenly changed your mind and you've decided to believe me." He hesitates a second or two before he bounds down the stairs and jumps onto the grass. He rocks back on the balls of his feet like he's lost his balance but he quickly regains it, turning around to face me. He exhales heavily, shaking his head again. "No, this doesn't mean that we can talk again. You still believe what you want to and since I can't change your mind…"
I didn't come all this way to fuck it up again. Of course I don't believe him – the evidence is probably still on his chest. And I can't help but notice the way his eyes are taking in the bruises on my face. Like he wants to ask but he won't. Cause he doesn't push people the way that I do.
Danny takes a small step backward when I descend the staircase but it still leaves only a few inches of space between us. He doesn't move away from me and I take that as a good sign. If he was backing up, he'd probably be harder to convince.
"So tell me what it is then," I say, continuing when he scoffs. "Seriously. When I brought up all this shit on Sunday, you told me that you'd tell me what… those bruises are from but that I wouldn't believe you. I will, Danny. Whatever the hell happened, I'll believe you."
He hesitates a second or two before shaking his head again. "No. Just let it go, alright? It's really not that important and to be honest, how long was this friendship going to last anyway?" he asks, folding his arms over his chest as he tilts his head back to look at me. I've got a couple of inches on him and a pink flush slowly creeps across his face as he realizes it too.
"I don't know… but I really didn't see it ending like this," I tell him and his gaze leaves mine as he shakes his head again. He turns his stare out toward the road but I continue to watch him. "Cause I was just getting to know you and-"
"Dash, go home," Danny says, suddenly turning back to me. His eyes are wide and within a few seconds, his face is bathed in the bright light of somebody's headlights. I squint against the light and his tone becomes slightly more frantic. "D-Dash, just go!"
He pushes me toward my car and he follows after me as I stumble forward. "J-Just go, okay? W-We'll talk about all this shit later or something, I don't care." He tries to turn away but I grab him by the wrist. He looks like he's a few seconds away from having some kind of breakdown when I won't let go of him. "Dash, please!"
I can't leave him like this. Not while he's panicking because his mother's car just pulled into the driveway. The engine dies and Danny's voice rises several octaves.
"D-Dash, please just go! Please, just get out of here," he practically begs, pushing me toward my car again with one hand and trying to get his other one out of my grip. "C-Come on, let me go."
Tears are filling his eyes and I don't know why he's tried to lie to me before. He's clearly terrified. Cause of his parents. How the hell does he expect me to believe that they're not beating the shit out of him if they're able to cause this kind of reaction in their kid?
"Come with me," I say and his eyes widen as I tug him by the wrist. I'm not letting him go back inside right now. Not as long as the terror is still in his eyes. "Come on, just for a little while."
Danny spares a glance toward his mom's car just as she turns in our direction. I can't make out the expression on her face from this distance but Danny seems to know what she's thinking.
"N-No, Dash, please. My mom can't see you here, please just go," he says, making a half-hearted attempt to get me to leave again. But he should know by now that I'm pretty damn stubborn. And I'm not leaving him like this. He's shaking already and I know he's only seconds away from panicking. I saw it when I was here last time and I left against my better judgement. I'm not doing that again.
I tug him by the wrist again and he meets my gaze, one tear escaping his eye and rolling down his cheek. He looks torn between wanting to just get away from it all and wanting to keep me out of it. The latter's a lost cause. He couldn't push me out of this situation even if he begged me to go. I'm not leaving him to panic and cry alone. I can't stand the thought of him dealing with all of this fucked up shit by himself.
"Come with me," I say, surprising myself with the strength behind my words. He throws a final glance at his mom's car where she's opened the door before he surprises me too, by agreeing. And I can't help but feel some kind of triumph as he practically races to the other side of my car to get in.
His mom steps out of her car but Danny's already in mine when she calls out. He slams the door closed, looking a little guilt-stricken as he sinks down further in his seat. I want to ask him if he's okay or even just tell him that it's gonna be okay or whatever shit is supposed to help but Danny speaks before me, his eyes falling closed like the few words he utters are choking him on the way out.
"Please don't ask… j-just get us out of here."
A/N:
Yo, yo, yo! FINALLY there's some Danny angst! I know you guys were waiting for that for so long so drink it up. (angst is a good addition to any meal and provides plenty of protein. Caution: may result in torturing a young, impressionable quarterback and their yet-to-be adorable space nerd lover)
I bet you're all rejoicing at the fact that finally, Danny's back. (I was missing the little shit too so you're not alone.) I'd love to know your thoughts on this chapter, especially considering how angsty it's been.
Alex is such a precious guy, yeah? Unfortunately, no one gets out of this story without being subjected to my love for angst so… it's coming for him, too. Eventually. You just won't know when ;P
The title of this chapter comes from Heavy Soul by You Me At Six. I feel like it fits with Danny in this AU cause at first he seems so happy and carefree until you take a closer look. Dash definitely got a closer look at the beach and right now, huh?
I've been listening to You Me At Six's new album on Spotify and it's really fucking good? Like, I always associated the band with my angsty teenage years but their new stuff is killer? I really need to get my hands on this album cause I want to add this to my collection. (I'm a loser and I still collect CD's. I'm actually aiming for a record collection by the end of the year… I'm a nerd, okay?)
Speaking of Spotify! I've kind of moved away from 8tracks cause of how restrictive they've become on weekly listening if you're not a premium member. (Which is totally fair, their website and all. I can understand wanting to get paid.) Since then, I've had to find a new music place and Spotify seems to be winning out? I never thought I'd use it cause it always seemed like a place for the "hottest music of the week" or something but it's actually really cool? Anyway, I didn't come here to pitch Spotify at you lmao. The playlist for Stay is now available on Spotify and if you search my username: jaeger-soul it should come up for you. I'll leave the 8tracks playlist up but I won't be updating it, while on Spotify, I'll be adding a few of the songs mentioned in the fic/used as chapter titles in the next few weeks.
I don't know how following/friending works on Spotify but if there's an option to follow someone… feel free to do that thing? I don't know, I have a really broad music taste, maybe you'll find something you like there?
Like I said last week, there's going to be an anniversary piece and it'll be posted February 2nd – the day last year that I subjected the world to this story. I debated a while on what it should be about but I finally settled on something I think you're all gonna enjoy. So, keep your eyes out for that, it's angsty.
But yeah, what'd you guys think of this update? Did the return of Danny live up to your expectations? (The angst will continue on in the next chapter, don't worry lmao)
Thanks for reading this update and for all the continued support you've been showing this story. In three days, I'll have been writing this fic for a year. It'd be languishing on my hard-drive if it wasn't for your comments and encouraging messages so… thank you!
