Danny and I leave McDonalds with the intention of going home but we end up in the parking lot, leaning against our cars and talking. We tell each other all kinds of stories and I can't stop grinning at how hard he laughs at my re-telling of the time Kwan and I were racing down the hill and I flipped over the handle-bars of my bike and landed in a row of thorn bushes.
"Oh my god, how did you not die as a child?" Danny asks through garbled laughter.
I shrug, grinning as I fold my arms over my chest. "My mom was a nurse. Plucked each one of those thorns outta me and gave me a lecture to last for the ages. She probably saved my life more times than I can count."
Danny's expression falters for a second but he seems to ease up when he realizes that I'm smiling. Mom's… still a touchy subject. But there are things I can talk about that involve her. Shit, if I didn't tell any stories that included her in them, I might as well stop talking altogether.
"It's okay, y'know," I mumble before I think it through but Danny holds my gaze when I speak so I feel the need to keep going. "I don't uh… mind talking about her."
He nods a little, his stare dropping to the pavement instead. He's quiet for a second before he looks up at me again, a smile lifting the corners of his mouth. "Don't take this the wrong way but it's surreal sometimes to be talking to you. I didn't… really see this friendship coming."
"Why not? Cause I'm the greatest quarterback in the tri-county? Didn't think I'd pay attention to the little people?" I tease, kind of loving the pink that flushes his face with my words.
Danny rolls his eyes, snorting, but he's still blushing. "No, not even close." He runs a hand through his hair with an exhale before he glances back at me, still wearing that blush and smile combination. "Cause when we met, I uh… I wanted to be your friend but I didn't think… that you wanted to be mine."
He flushes even harder when I open and close my mouth without saying anything. I've seen Danny around for a while and I know the cheerleaders don't exactly like him but… I never really noticed him until that day Blake hurled a football into his face.
"You're just saying that cause I made sure you didn't bleed all over the field. Which just so you know, that was more about protecting the field than you." I give him my best attempt at a grin but his eyebrows draw downward as he slowly shakes his head.
Danny folds his arms over his chest. "No, that's… that's not what I mean. You don't uh… remember when we first met, do you?" he asks softly and after a second, I shake my head. I saw him around before that day, sure, but I didn't exactly pin the first conversation we had to memory or anything.
"Y-Yeah, that's what I thought." He shifts his weight before glancing toward me, a soft smile on his face again. "You um… I-I was walking home after my piano lesson when I was ten and th-there was a dog. I think there was something wrong with him l-like he had rabies or something cause he was acting crazy. I tried to run but he was faster and tackled me."
Danny meets my gaze again, still smiling. "You heard me scream a-and you managed to scare it off. After the dog ran, you walked me home to make sure I was okay." He laughs a little, shaking his head. "K-Kinda lame to say but uh… that's one of my favorite memories."
Shit, I do remember that. I guess I sort of forgot that was Fenton.
"Y-Yeah, well… someone's gotta watch out for you," I respond, my own face heating up at the memory. I don't know why but even now, I still feel like protecting him. Just thinking about someone coming after him or when Blake threw that football at him makes me angry. I don't like the thought of anyone hurting Danny. And I don't know what that means about me.
He shakes his head, eyes wide and innocent as he places a hand on my arm. "I'm not being sarcastic, I mean it. I really admired you from then on a-and I thought you were really brave," he says, his voice dying a little at the end.
I don't know if I'm still brave but hearing that Danny thought I was makes something in my chest swell. It makes me want to prove to him that I'm still capable of being brave. I want him to still admire me and I don't think this is just coming from my ridiculous need to have someone be proud of me. I want to be brave because it's Danny. I want to be able to protect him and I want all of that because above it all… I think I want Danny.
I park my car near the front of the high school and watch my friends lumbering around the field. They're all pretty involved in whatever conversations they're having but I'm more interested in the Hyundai that's pulled up next to me. Danny shoots me a grin from his window before he gets out of his car and I'm quick to follow suit.
"I got here right on time," Danny says, still grinning as he looks at me. He tucks his keys into his back pocket before falling into step with me on our way to the field. I'm hyper aware of how close we are and if I timed it right, I bet my hand could brush by his.
It's almost casual – the way I make my fingers touch the back of his hand as I lift mine under the pretense of running it through my hair. "S-Sorry," I mumble, shooting him a smile like I didn't mean to touch him. He easily returns the smile and shakes his head before turning his gaze to the field. I return my hand next to his, trying to remember how to breathe. Shit, I already want to touch his hand again.
"Yo Baxter, you made it!" Jeff calls out, waving to the both of us as we start across the field toward my friends. I lift the hand that's not currently twitching toward Danny's, and wave in response, looking between everyone that's gathered here.
Aside from Jeff, there's Blake, Keith – who's standing on the bleachers, Zeke, Toby, and Kwan. At least as far as the guys go. Star, Paulina, Anna,and… Shit, Paulina's here. Why do I still want to touch Danny's hand when Paulina's right there? What the fuck is wrong with me? I don't like guys. I like girls. I have a girl friend.
Paulina smiles as soon as she turns around and sees me and I notice the falter in Danny's step before I realize that I've slowed my pace too. I like Paulina. Not Danny. But I still want to touch his hand… fuck. Is it wrong that part of me wants them both?
"Hey you," Paulina says, pulling me into a soft kiss when I'm close enough. I kiss her but I'm thinking of Danny. Wondering what expression he's wearing. If he thinks about touching my hand too… Jesus Christ, what is wrong with me?
I don't look at Danny when Paulina and I pull away from each other but I want to. I need to know what he's thinking and I'm sure the look on his face would tell me. I can't let myself look at him right now and instead, I focus on my teammates.
"So, we playing or what?" I mumble, stepping past Paulina. She slides her hand into mine and I wonder if she can tell how uncomfortable I am. I liked holding her hand. Shit, I still like holding her hand. Why can't I just like it and not imagine it as Danny's hand in my own?
"Still waiting on Seth, Dale, and Mitchell to get their asses here," Jeff says, nodding to his phone. "Mitchell just texted me saying they're almost here so it shouldn't be too long."
Kwan nods to me, a hesitant smile on his face. "You're our actual team captain so you get to decide who's captain of the opposing team."
"Jeff," I say before I even think it through. If I ever wanted someone to take over for me with the Ravens, it'd be Jeff. He knows the team best and he's pretty good at clearing up any conflict between our teammates.
Jeff places a hand over his heart and mimes wiping away a tear. "I'm touched, bro." He stoops to pick up a set of flags and holds one out to me. "Your team is red and mine's blue. Since the others aren't here yet, we'll have to wait on picking team members." He pauses for a second when I take the flags before he adds, "I guess we should probably stretch in the meantime," with a shrug.
That's fine with me, as long as I get the chance to breathe and figure out what the fuck I'm feeling. I glance over my shoulder at Danny but his face only stirs the butterflies in my stomach. I quickly shift my gaze and I start toward where Keith is, sitting on one of the bleachers.
As soon as I get close enough, I realize who's with him and I don't really have to force the grin onto my face. Keith's little sister, Lily, recognizes me instantly and she jumps up from where she's sitting, surprising her brother in the process.
"Dash!" she says, holding her arms up for a hug. I glance at Keith first and wait for his nod before I reach down and hug her, my hand resting on her back. She pulls away just far enough to stick her tongue out at me. "You gonna beat my brother today?"
I grin before looking up at Keith. "Actually, I'm hoping to get him on my team before Jeff does."
Lily grins again, twisting in my arms to look at her brother. I let go of her and she instantly goes to him, sinking down next to him and snuggling into his arms. He rubs her back gently before looking at me, giving me a tired smile. I think that's how I look when I'm pretending I'm okay so I just give him a nod in return.
"Keith says I'm only here for moral support," Lily says and makes a face when she looks at me. "I'm not allowed to play even a little."
Keith rolls his eyes, tousling Lily's hair with one hand. "I don't make the rules, sis. Doc said you're not doing anything strenuous anymore." She glances up at him before sticking her tongue out, grinning immediately when he snorts at the action.
For an eleven-year-old, Lily's always seemed older than her actual age. I guess being given an early death sentence does that to a person. Even though Keith always looks tired and sad when he's around her, Lily's the exact opposite. I don't think I've ever seen her sad.
"So, how's school doing? You're in what, the ninth grade now?" I ask and the teasing to my tone isn't lost on her.
She rolls her eyes, a grin stretching across her face. "You know I'm not old enough to be in high school yet." Lily looks up at Keith again, smiling at him. "One day I will though and Keith says he'll have to fight the boys off with a baseball bat."
That cracks a smile on Keith's face and he rolls his eyes. "That's if I let them near enough to you for me to even hit them. And that's a pretty big if, Lil." He glances toward me with a shrug but there's a genuine smile on his face this time. "She's just not allowed to date, ever."
I grin in response, propping my foot up one bleacher and leaning on my knee. I glance down at Keith's phone, propped up on his own knees, and raise an eyebrow. "What are you doing?"
Keith's face flushes slightly and he scratches at the back of his head, shrugging in response as he drops his gaze down to his phone. Lily glances his way for a second before apparently deciding to answer for him. "He's watching more coverage about the phantom case. He's been obsessed with lately."
"Hey, I wouldn't say obsessed, Lily!" Keith defends, his face flushing as he looks toward me. "It's... interesting."
I wonder if it's just interesting for him or if he likes keeping up with the case cause it gives him something other than his life to focus on. Hell, if I didn't have the garage or football to distract me from the shit in my life, I'd probably have jumped off a bridge by now.
"Dash?"
I turn toward the voice and Kwan smiles up at me, shooting a glance toward Keith. "Sorry, I just need his help rounding up some of the footballs," he says, glancing at Keith's sister after a second. "Hi, Lily. You came to cheer us on?"
She sighs, leaning back on the bleachers. "Seems that's all I'm allowed to do." She throws her arm over her forehead in mock dramatics and Kwan laughs softly.
"Well, I appreciate you coming," Kwan says, looking at Keith for a second before he offers up a smile. I wonder if Keith ever gets tired of the sympathy he can see on people's faces. "See you on the field."
Kwan and I leave the bleachers together and we're heading toward the other end of the field when he speaks. "S-So that was kind of a lie. Um, you called me a bunch of times this morning…?" he trails off, his expression pinched. "I'm sorry, I kind of slept through them. I tried to call you back when I got up but the calls wouldn't go through." He glances toward me, an apology on his face. "What happened?"
I don't want to bring up the dark shit right now but my gaze strays toward Danny, laughing at something Jeff's telling him, as I think it over. If I hadn't called him, if we hadn't sat next to each other on the hood of my car and talked about everything, would I have ever noticed that I like the way his fingers feel against mine and that I find his smile really fucking adorable?
"Dash, what is it?" Kwan asks softly, mistaking my silence for pain.
I turn to my best friend again, wanting to tell him everything but knowing that now's not the time. I feel my stomach in my throat as I speak but I speak anyway. "I was just kinda lost in my own head. Turns out, Danny was awake too so we talked for a while." I want to add the part about it being specifically him that got me out of my head but I don't. I can barely think about that fact without wanting to fucking vomit from nerves. There's no way I'll be able to breathe a word of it to Kwan.
Kwan looks skeptical but Jeff starts calling my name before he can say anything. We walk to where Jeff is and Danny gives me a smile when he sees me. I have to force myself to return it, the butterflies going nuts in my stomach.
"So," Jeff claps his hands together before he addresses us. "The guys are here so it's time to start picking. Anyone got a quarter? I left my wallet in the car."
"I think I do," Danny says, pulling his wallet from his back pocket. He digs inside of the tattered leather before he takes a coin out, extending it toward Jeff. "Yeah, I do, here."
Jeff shakes his head. "Nah, you flip. That way Dash can't say I'm cheating." I roll my eyes but I can't stop the smile on my face when Danny laughs softly.
"Okay, c-call it in the air," Danny says, flipping the quarter up. I watch it turn over a few times before I call heads. Danny catches the quarter and places it on the back of his hand. "Heads," he announces, looking up at me with a smile.
Jeff shoves my shoulder. "Alright, who's your first pick?" He glances up at the bleachers before cupping his hands around his mouth. "Yo, Keith, we're starting!"
I follow Jeff's line of sight and wait until Keith joins us before I speak. "I want Kwan first." I high five my best friend as he comes to stand next to me, giving him a smile that's barely forced now. I'm really glad I didn't bail on this. I love flag football, it's a nice break from the real thing.
"Alright, I pick…" Jeff glances around our friends and though he lingers on Keith, he doesn't go with him. "Star." As soon as he says her name, I nudge Jeff in the ribs as Blake whoops. Jeff's face flushes but he doesn't respond to our teasing, simply telling me to pick my next choice.
Keith's a great player and I really want him on my team but… I keep looking at Danny and I want him on my team first. I doubt Jeff would choose Danny over anyone else here but I don't like even the possibility of playing against him. Ugh, what's wrong with me?
"You playing, Danny?" I ask and his face flushes when my teammates look at him but he quietly mumbles, 'yeah' with a nod. "Alright, then I choose you."
Jeff looks at me like I'm crazy for passing over Keith but I'm focused on Danny's face when I raise my hand for a high five. The corners of his mouth lift upward and his eyes squint a little with the smile he gives me. He easily high-fives me and I commit the feeling of his palm against mine to memory.
"Keith," Jeff chooses.
I pick Mitchell before Jeff picks Blake. I feel guilty for not picking her before now but Paulina still grins when I choose her. I kiss her instead of giving her a high five and I hate myself for the way my heart still wonders what it would be like if her lips were Danny's.
As soon as everyone's sorted and has a flag tied to them in some way, the game gets going. Since there's no tackling involved, no one bothers with any safety padding – though Danny kinda looks like he's on board with the idea of it.
Once or twice, a foul is called, but the game continues regardless and it's all pretty much fair play. At least, until Danny makes a fucking amazing score. My team is celebrating and sticking our tongues out at Jeff's team – generally being obnoxious shits, before we move into the next play. I know I'm not the only one that notices the tension in the air just before Blake heads straight for Danny – even though he's not the one with the ball.
Kwan fumbles the pass because his attention is quickly drawn to where mine is. Blake tackles Danny easily and the pair of them roll across the field. I've already moved out of position and started for them when the side of Danny's head collides with the edge of one of the bleachers.
"Shit!"
My voice is loud even in the chaos of the game and half of the people on the field stop when they hear me swear. I'm barely paying attention to anyone behind me. I'm focused on the black-haired boy that's almost completely still against the bleachers.
Blake rolls off of him and as soon as I'm close enough, I shove him away before I hit my knees next to Danny. His eyes are closed and there's blood steadily running from a cut on the side of his face. Shit. If anything happens to Danny, I'll fucking kill Blake.
"Danny?" I shake him a little, trying to assess the damage just with my eyes. Goddammit, I can't fucking believe Blake did this. What the hell is wrong with him?
Kwan comes to a stop next to me and kneels down beside Danny, brushing his hair away from the cut. "I-It doesn't look that bad, Dash," he says softly, trying to ease the worry knotting itself around my throat. Something can be bad even if it doesn't look like it is. Mom always taught me that, so I'd never try to tough out the injuries dad gave me. God, Danny's cut looks fucking awful from what I can see and I don't want this. I can't watch this happening to Danny and be completely powerless, I ca-
Danny stirs and his eyes flutter closed once before he's blinking up at me, his face instantly flushing. He glances between me and Kwan and by the time he speaks, most of the people playing have drifted closer to us.
"Wh-What happened?" Danny asks, gingerly sitting up and Kwan and I both reach to help him. He gives us a wobbly smile before he repeats the question, looking around for the answer. Jesus Christ, I'm actually going to kill Blake.
Kwan smiles, which is more than I'm able to do right now, but he looks down at Blake for an explanation. Blake's busy picking himself up from the grass and I guess Kwan knows what I'm thinking cause his hand on my arm stops me from going anywhere.
"Ha… Sorry, man… I thought you had the ball," Blake mumbles and I don't buy it for a fucking second. He did it on purpose. Cause Danny made an amazing score and Blake hates to lose. He's like a fucking child when he loses anything, and Danny really doesn't deserve that kind of shit from him.
"Bullshit," I spit before I think about it. A couple people look at me before Jeff leads Blake away, probably more to protect him than me but whatever. At least he's gone.
Kwan looks up at Keith before he stands. "Can you help me find the first aid kit? There's one in the locker room but I can never remember where it is."
Keith's gaze strays up to the bleachers where his sister still is, her gaze trained down toward us, before he nods, following after Kwan. I watch the two of them walking away for about a second before I'm focused on Danny again, my eyes instantly going to the blood still dripping down his face. Shit, I hate the sight of it. And I hate Blake for causing it. He's such an asshole sometimes.
Danny meets my gaze and tries to give me a reassuring smile but he winces instead. "It probably looks worse than it actually is," he says, reaching up a hand to feel the wound. His hand comes away with blood on his fingers and he makes a face at the sight.
Before I think it through, I reach a hand out toward him and he meets my gaze. I can't stop myself from pulling back so I gently brush away a line of blood running down his cheek. He makes a soft noise in his throat at the movement but I can't stop myself. It's all I can do right now.
"I-It's really not that bad," Danny mumbles softly, his gaze dropping from mine. His cheeks are flushed and in the silence surrounding us, I can hear my heartbeat in my ears. Both times I've seen him bloody are because of Blake and I swear, I'll kick my teammates ass if he even attempts a third.
It doesn't take Keith and Kwan too long to get back with the medical kit and they pass it off to me before stepping back. I remember some of the stuff mom taught me when she was bandaging my wounds and her own. Never thought it'd come in handy patching someone else up but there's a first time for everything I guess.
"Probably gonna sting," I tell Danny, cleaning the blood away from the injury with an alcohol pad. He winces at the movement but tilts his head to give me better access. With how close I am, I can smell his skin and I can't help the way my heart pounds at the scent. He mostly smells like soap, but I catch something else too. It isn't even fall yet but I swear I could smell winter air on his skin. I lean closer under the pretense of looking at the wound better but from the way my heart's going crazy, that's not the only reason I'm so close to him.
In truth, the wound doesn't look that bad, there was just a lot of blood. I put a couple of butterfly closures over it and top it off with a bandage just to be careful. "You can take the bandage off tonight if you want to but I wouldn't take off the butterfly closures until tomorrow morning, alright?"
Danny nods as I start gathering up the wrappers from the bandages and I'm really glad Jeff moved Blake away from me. Kicking his ass probably wouldn't have been as productive as helping Danny. Doesn't mean I don't still want to ram Blake's teeth in.
"Are we gonna finish the game?" Kwan asks and I glance around at the others.
Jeff meets my gaze and shrugs. "That counts as a foul so you're up by six, Dash," he says, looking in Blake's direction. I hesitate a second before I look where Jeff is, only partially certain that I won't try to pummel Blake the second I get the chance.
Blake looks between us before he sighs. "Fine, fine, it's a foul. Does that mean we're still playing?" he asks, folding his arms over his chest.
As much as I'd love to call off the game and tell Blake to go fuck himself, the amount of attention that would draw to Danny would make him incredibly uncomfortable. I don't want to put him in that position so I nod. I've had enough practice putting aside how I feel to play the game, today's not any different. Besides, the smile that Danny gives me when I nod is enough to make me forget just a little about Blake.
We play until we're all exhausted and by that point, my team's beaten Jeff's three to one. He swears the first game we only won cause they were going easy on Danny but I'm pretty sure it's just cause they suck.
All of us are sprawled on the grass staring at the sky above and the only sound is our labored breathing. I'm lying between Kwan and Danny and as exhausted as I am from no sleep and the game, I can't close my eyes. My chest is pounding and I pretend it's still from the exertion.
"Only losers make excuses, Jeff," Paulina teases, turning her head to look at him. He responds by rolling his eyes but his pouting is cut short by Star kissing him on the cheek. Some of our teammates make cat-calls and whistles but he ignores them.
The silence that falls over all of us isn't uncomfortable and I watch the clouds drifting lazily by. I remember cloud watching with Kwan as a kid and we'd point out shapes to each other. I almost want to point something out now and say what it looks like but they all look like nothing to me. I don't know if that means I'm getting older or I've just lost my imagination or something.
I slowly turn my head toward Danny, trying to be subtle with the movement, but he turns instantly when I do and he gives me a smile before I remember how to breathe. There's something about his eyes that makes me forget to draw in oxygen.
"H-How's your head?" I ask.
He shrugs, the smile lifting the corners of his mouth. "Doesn't even hurt anymore." He looks so sincere when he speaks but I don't trust him. If anything, he's probably just saying that so I don't go postal on Blake.
I turn my head to where I know my teammate's laying but Danny's voice quickly pulls my gaze back to him. "Hey, don't… don't do anything, Dash. I-It was an accident," he says softly, his hand touching my arm. It still feels like electricity courses through me at the contact and I don't know if Danny can feel it too but it makes my heart race.
Danny's eyebrows draw down as he continues to speak and I'm too busy getting lost in his eyes to really pay attention. I think he says something about Blake again, maybe something about how I shouldn't do anything to him but I'm not hearing him. I'm completely star struck. His eyes are too distracting. They look like afternoons by the lake or the sky after it rains. They remind me of summer fading into fall and the first spring shower. I've never been the kind of person to get lost in someone's eyes before but dammit, I am in his.
"Dash... are you even listening to me?" he asks suddenly, an amused sort of expression taking over his face when I blink. Shit. Busted.
I can feel my cheeks instantly burning as soon as he speaks and I feel bad for staring at him for so long. God, I must look like some kind of weirdo. I wonder if it'd be weird to tell him that I love his eyes. Not just cause they're fucking stunning but because the sight of them stirs something in me that I could never hope to name – only feel.
"S-Sorry," I mumble, dropping my gaze from his. I can only imagine what I look like and I hope that he doesn't question my flushed appearance cause it's not hot enough out to redden my face like it is. "Lost in thought, I guess."
Danny's quiet for a minute or two, not that I'm counting or some shit, before he speaks again, his voice soft. "Don't think about your mom," he practically whispers. God, I don't want to think about her. I just want to think about Danny. I want to hear his voice in my ears, filling up my mind with everything he can think of to talk about and I won't have to come up with anything to say.
"Tell me about your friends," I mumble, my eyes falling closed as I turn toward him. I let out a soft breath that's almost shaky and Danny takes it as a sign that I need some kind of reassurance. His hand touches my shoulder again and that electricity is renewed. It only makes my need to hear his voice stronger. "Your family, the universe… Please, just talk. Tell me anything, tell me everything j-just talk. F-Fill the silence in my brain…"
It doesn't take long for Danny to find something to say and he easily takes up my request, talking until I don't have to think anymore and I can just listen to the sound of his voice. He tells me about his childhood and his friends and how he feels on a rainy day. He recounts the story of his first ride on a rollercoaster and the last time he went to the fair. He tells me about his sister and his parents and the friends that he doesn't talk about often, and I feel closer to him just from a few words.
The brief moments of silence between us don't feel awkward or clumsy, they're just natural. Like we've been doing this our whole lives and goddammit, I want to be. I'm selfish and pathetic but I just want to hear Danny's voice when I can't think about the shit in my life anymore. And I don't want to have to care about what it means that Danny's voice is the one that calms the quiet in my brain.
A/N:
Heeeyyooo! Welcome back to another Tuesday with this fic. As usual, I've brought angst and pain with a tiny smidge of fluff. Hope you enjoy ;p
I don't exactly dislike this chapter but I feel like it could have been better. Again, there's not a whole lot of plot development in this and I know this is gonna sound like a broken record but I swear, this is all setting up for things in the future. I've hidden easter eggs throughout this fic as far back as the 2nd or 3rd chapter. And I really hope that most of you enjoy the outcome of all this foreshadowing.
The title of this week's chapter comes from 'Looks Like Love' by Madilyn Bailey. The full lyric is, "I still don't know how to fall in love without hitting the ground" and to me, that's so Dash. He's not the type of person to do anything halfway. When he falls, he falls haaaaard. And he's defiiiinitely gonna fall hard for Danny.
Speaking of the budding crush in Dash... what do you think of that? Isn't it such a beautiful and torturous thing to watch? That poor boy's so twisted up on the inside, it's gonna take him a whiiiile before this all hits him.
What do you think of Paulina in this? Do you like that she's giving Danny a chance now? Think that she doesn't deserve the adorable space boy? As always, I love all comments and messages – they really do mean the world to me.
Thanks again for reading this update and I'll see you guys next Tuesday! (with hopefully a better chapter to make up for this not so great one… okay I'm going)
