I spend Sunday at home, catching up on sleep and texting Danny. I don't know what it is about seeing his name light up my screen but it makes me really fucking happy. Even though it's just me in the house, I don't feel alone because Danny and I text until I try to sleep around midnight.
Monday morning, my nerves are eating me alive as I stand in the parking lot, earlier than I normally get here, and glance around for Danny's car. Kwan will be here in a few minutes and I'm hoping Danny beats him here. Kwan will probably want to talk about any shit going on with me which always makes talking about good things harder. And Danny's definitely a good thing.
As soon as I guess that Kwan's gonna beat him here, I see his black Hyundai pull into the parking lot. My heart jumps into my throat and I try to remind myself how to breathe. Jesus Christ, we're just friends. Sort of? I don't know if that's what he'd call us but I hope we're friends. All I know is that he's really important to me.
Danny parks his car next to mine and gets out with a smile on his face. "Traffic was awful this morning. I swear, every person in this whole town was on the road when I left my house." He runs a hand through his hair with a soft exhale and I fumble for the coffee cups propped up on the trunk of my car.
"H-Here," I say, handing one over to him. His smile widens as he takes it and I shrug one shoulder, trying to play it off pretty casually. "Y-You brought me one the other night s-so I thought I'd return the gesture."
He nods, still smiling widely, and sips from the coffee. Sh-Shit, his Adam's apple bobs as he swallows and I don't understand why the sight makes my heart race even more. It's not like I've never seen him swallow and goddammit, if I could chill for two seconds, I'd probably handle this better.
Danny frowns, reaching out to place a hand on my arm and a stuttering breath leaves me. "Are you okay?" he whispers softly, glancing around the parking lot. As soon as his eyes are off me, I look away, trying to remember to be normal. Or at least act like I am.
"Y-Yeah, I'm fine," I mumble, giving him an overzealous grin. He sees through it instantly and leans against the back of my car, one eyebrow raised. I guess Danny's really good at reading people cause I probably could have fooled anyone else with that.
"If you're… nervous or anxious, you can talk to the nurse. You know that, right? Nurse Socie's cool about that stuff. She's gotten me out of a few days where I couldn't deal with it all." Danny runs a hand through his hair before he looks my way again, offering up a shrug, "I-I can go with you if you want me there…"
Maybe if dad was home and had pulled one of his famous shows, I would let the nurse write me off for the day and chill at Kwan's. Binge watching some television and chugging liquid caffeine sounds pretty good right about now. But I can't lie and say this has anything to do with being anxious or whatever it is that I get. I'm just nervous because I'm around Danny. And my chest still hasn't figured out a reason why it's Danny that makes me nervous.
"N-No, I'll be okay." I scratch at the back of my head in the silence, having to look away from him almost instantly. Jeez, I'm acting like I have a damn schoolboy crush on him. I don't. We're just friends. We're friends, right?
Danny looks back at me with a tired smile, sipping from his coffee again before he speaks. "Well… come on then. Let's get today over with."
Lunch is pretty boring only cause Danny has to cut out early. He mentions having something to take care of and he'll probably be gone through the spare we both have. It's kind of a bummer cause I was looking forward to a study session with him. And not just cause he's a godsend for me with algebra.
The day drags on but English is at least interesting. Danny and I sit next to each other again and I try to act like everything's normal between us. It is. If I just don't think about the fact that I still want to kiss him. And the part about liking the way his hand felt against mine when I brushed by it.
Lancer calls on Jeff once because he's been aiming paper balls at the back of my head since the lesson began. My teammate doesn't get much more than a stern look from our teacher but I still turn around to flip him the bird when Lancer's not looking.
When class lets out, my teammates and I start toward the field together and Danny follows us, easily keeping up with the conversation. I'm barely listening to what's being said in favor of watching Danny but I'm pretty sure it's about another party. There doesn't seem to be an occasion for this one but knowing my teammates, they'll jump at any chance to get wasted.
"We'll have to see if Paulina's willing to lend us her house again. Unless you're all up for another trip to the beach." Jeff grins, wiggling his eyebrows and I'm pretty sure we all know why he's interested in going back to the beach.
"Dude, you're the one with the crush on Star," Keith says, glancing toward Jeff, who shrugs in response. Keith rolls his eyes and looks toward Danny. "You sticking around for practice?"
Danny's face colors and he shakes his head a little. "N-No, probably not."
"You can, you know… Coach doesn't care if there are people in the bleachers during practice," I say, only partially lying. Brimfield really doesn't care if people are in the bleachers as long as we're paying attention to the practice. Though I'm pretty sure if Danny's up there, I won't be entirely focused on the game.
Danny shakes his head again, resituating the stack of books in his arms. "No, that's okay. I uh…" He glances at my teammates who have all slowed to a stop with the two of us. I almost tell them I'll catch up with them at Danny's growing hesitation but he speaks before I can. "You should come by my place after practice. We can go over your algebra since we missed it today."
"Okay, cool… s-sounds like a plan." I can't help the way my smile is instantly back with the thought of getting to hang around him for a while. "That reminds me, I'm working tomorrow so you can come by after school if you want… I'll show you some stuff or whatever."
He returns the smile and nods, rocking back on his heels in the silence. "Sure. Okay. I'll see you." Danny continues to look at me for a second before he glances toward my teammates with the same smile on his face. "See you guys later." He waves to my teammates before starting for his car and they all return the wave while I try to pretend I'm not ridiculously thrilled for practice to just be over with.
Danny's changed into an oversized t-shirt by the time I show up at his place and the sight throws me for a minute. The shirt's hanging off one shoulder just a bit and I can see his collarbones. Sh-Shit, he's got really nice collarbones… Fuck, what's wrong with me?
"Come on in, I promise it won't be like the last time we studied here," Danny says, offering up a smile as he steps back to let me through. He closes the door once I'm inside and lets out a breath before turning around to look at me. "My parents are working late so we have the place to ourselves until eleven."
We're alone? In his house? Shit, I don't think my mind should be going where it is. We're friends, goddammit. Friends don't think about kissing friends. …damn it, I'm still thinking about kissing him.
"You okay?" Danny asks, giving me a funny look as he passes by me to get to the table. He has two drinks on the table among the books he's already spread out. He takes a seat and props his elbow on the table, still looking up at me with a sort of cautious expression on his face.
I drop my backpack beside the table and nod, glancing around the kitchen before I look back at him, my voice wavering when I speak. "U-Um, is it cool if I use the bathroom before we get started?" I ask and Danny raises an eyebrow.
"No. We don't let outsiders use the bathroom at my house." He looks at me with a straight face and it takes me a second to realize he's joking. Right about the time I realize it, he grins, shaking his head as he rises from the table. "Come on, it's just around the corner."
Danny leads me further into his house and gestures to a closed door. "I'll just be at the table." He offers another smile before he leaves and my fingers tremble as I turn the knob on the bathroom door. Jeez, it's just Danny. It's not his fault that I can't act normal around him anymore.
I end up standing in front of the mirror longer than necessary after I wash my hands and I try to get back to some kind of normalcy. I splash a few handfuls of cold water onto my face and dry off with the bottom of my shirt, studying my expression until I think I've got the normalcy thing down. I can do this. I can act normal with Danny. Even though I want to reach out and touch his collarbones like he's a blank canvas and I'm a paintbrush, just aiming to flush his skin. Fuck, no. Normal. Act normal.
There are pictures hung in the hallway outside the bathroom and several are from when Danny was a baby. There are some from when he's a little older but one photo catches my attention. It's Danny, probably no older than five, and a ginger-haired girl with her arms slung around his shoulders. They're both grinning and it looks like they're on vacation somewhere. I think the ocean is what's in the background but I can't tell.
"That's my sister."
I jump at Danny's voice suddenly behind me and he smiles softly, taking a step closer to me. "Sorry." He folds his arms over his chest and nods toward the photo. "Can't tell we're related, huh?" he asks, sparing a glance in my direction.
Danny nods when I shake my head and his gaze returns to the photograph. "Yeah… my parents got that a lot when we were younger. Jazz looks more like my parents than I do." He shrugs before moving away from the hall, gesturing for me to follow. "We're only two years apart, actually. Probably doesn't look that way now considering she actually looks nineteen and I'm about as filled out as a broom stick." He gestures to his lean frame with a hollow laugh and all that normalcy I worked so hard on in the bathroom disappears with the flush slowly creeping over my skin.
He sinks down in the chair at the kitchen table and flips a page in the textbook before he looks up at me, still hovering in the kitchen. "You can sit, you know."
I easily take the chair next to his and he pushes the textbook between us. He begins explaining some of the problems and after the first few minutes, it starts to make sense. Danny's really good at explaining this shit in a way that I finally understand and he's patient with me whenever I get stuck. Within an hour, we're through all of my algebra and I'm more relaxed in his presence than I was when I first got here.
"Shit, Danny… I don't know what I would do without you." As soon as the words leave my mouth, I feel the need to correct myself, make sure he knows what I mean by it. But he smiles anyway so I try not to think about the other ways he could take it.
He gathers up his books and slides them to one end of the table, shaking his head. "Don't worry about it, I like helping you." Danny gathers up the pencils strewn about the table and lines them up next to the textbooks before he speaks. "You don't have to work tonight, do you?"
"No," I say, my voice quiet even in the silence. I don't know if he's asking for a specific reason but the places my mind is going are definitely not-friends territory.
Danny stands and picks up our empty soda cans, crossing the kitchen to get to the trash. "Since my parents are gone… you could stay for a while if you want to." He shrugs a little, his back to me as he ditches the cans into the trash.
"I could order a pizza," I respond, already wondering what we could do in the meantime. I don't know if he plays video games or anything but I'm sure we could come up with some way to kill the time. And the things my mind's coming up with won't work for a variety of… creative reasons.
Danny laughs softly, turning around to look at me as he shakes his head. "They won't deliver this far out, my parents have called before." He wanders closer to the table, his hand resting on the back of a chair. "My dad actually left some stuff to make a stir-fry… but I'm not that great at cooking… just so you know, if you still want to stick around for dinner."
I can't think of a reason why I would go home and spend time by myself, probably eating a microwave meal, over staying with Danny. And besides, I doubt there's anything that Danny can't do. He's probably just talking down his abilities in the kitchen.
"Sure, I'd love to stay for dinner."
Turns out, Danny's really not great at cooking. He actually sucks at it. I offer to help him out and after a few minutes, it's pretty clear who's better in the kitchen. I guess taking over for the cooking when mom was gone at work and after she left is finally paying off.
"Y-Yeah, well. It's hereditary, my mom is completely incapable of cooking a meal too," Danny mumbles, slinking off to place dishes in the sink. I suppress the laugh I immediately want to respond with and whistle innocently instead.
I give the steak and vegetables a stir before I slide over to the counter next to the stove, picking up the knife Danny was using to mutilate the onions. "You know you're supposed to chop these, right?" I question, glancing over my shoulder to look at him. He scoffs and crosses his arms but I catch the slight pink on his cheeks.
After the onions have been chopped, I add them to the stir-fry and mix it together before I turn the burner on low, leaving it to simmer for a few minutes. "Okay, that should be done in like five minutes." I can't help the grin on my face when I meet his gaze. "Impressed with my cooking skills?"
Danny rolls his eyes and turns his back to me, rinsing the dishes we used to chop the ingredients and stacking them in the dishwasher. He doesn't start it yet but he pushes the rack back into the dishwasher and closes it before he turns around to look at me.
"I guess," he says with a shrug but he's fighting back a smile. I can tell by the look on his face and the way he won't hold my gaze. Damn, he is impressed with me. I kind of like the way that makes me feel. Like I'm finally someone worth being proud of or impressed by. It doesn't help that Danny's the one I've impressed. Even though we're just friends. Shit, do I want to only be his friend?
We devour the food before we restore the kitchen back to its former glory. I've just finished wiping down the stove and counters when Danny's phone starts making an obnoxious sound. I guess we're both expecting his parents because his tone is surprised when he speaks.
"Um… it's my friend, Tucker. G-Gimme a second," he mumbles before letting out a breath. He slides his thumb across the screen, smiling a little when he speaks again. "Hey, Tuck."
Even from the distance between us, I can tell it's some kind of video call. There's a few things left out on the counter from our cooking and I busy myself with that, leaving Danny to his call.
His friend's voice fills the kitchen and for some reason, Danny's incredibly tense. Like he's just waiting for something to happen. "Hey man. How're things going? Any-"
"Everything's fine," Danny says, abruptly cutting his friend off. He glances in my direction before letting out a breath, turning his gaze back toward his phone. "Sorry, I'm not alone right now. We'll talk about it later, okay? How are things on your end?"
Silence fills the kitchen for a few seconds before his friend starts chatting away. "So fucking sweet man. I went to a party last night and I think I've been born again. Seriously, this chick let me do body shots off her."
I snort as Danny lets out a small laugh, glancing in my direction once before he's focused on his screen again. "Yeah? Do anything other than partying this weekend?"
Tucker laughs, the sound intermittent with static. "Kind of. I did study for my next test which is like a week away. Sadly, after that I was out of shits to give so my paper still isn't finished." He lets out an exaggerated sigh and Danny laughs again.
"I'll give you some space," I quietly say and Danny responds with an apologetic smile. He really has nothing to be sorry about, it's his place. I just don't want to leave yet. Not when all I have to go back to is an empty house that holds way too many fucked-up memories.
"Hey, who's with you?" Tucker asks and Danny hesitates a second before looking back at his screen. I wonder if Tucker can tell that Danny's face is turning pink.
"Um… Y-You remember Dash, right? Dash Baxter?" Danny asks softly, flicking his gaze in my direction. It surprises me how much I'm waiting on his friend's answer, already wondering what Danny's gonna say if Tucker does remember me but also hates me. I wouldn't blame him. I can only imagine what my friends have done in the past.
"Dude, he's with you?" Tucker asks before laughing. "That's so fucking weird to even think about like- Okay, I gotta see this. Give him your phone."
Danny hesitates for a few seconds before he looks my way again, his face still pink. "D-Do you mind?" he asks softly, seeming torn between wanting to keep me from his friend and wanting me to handle it for him.
"No, it's fine," I say with a shrug. After a few seconds of hesitation, Danny extends the phone out toward me. I turn the screen to face me and a guy with glasses and a really dumb looking hat stares back at me. His face breaks into a grin instantly and he laughs, clapping his hands together.
"Oh god, it really is you. Long time no see actually, I remember when I was almost your height before you shot up like a weed." Tucker's still snorting and Danny starts muttering under his breath but I don't catch any of it.
I focus on the screen again with a shrug. "Sorry, I don't really remember you that much. I just remember seeing you around Danny a couple times."
Tucker's not at all bothered by my shit memory, his voice never losing that hint of amusement. "To be expected. I couldn't tell you half the names of your friends even though I was in a lot of your classes, too." There's a split second before he's grinning again. "So, you've finally realized just how awesome my friend Danny is, huh?"
Danny's face colors and he abruptly lunges for his phone, easily taking it from my loose grip. "Th-That's enough, Tucker. You've seen him and me, happy now?" he asks, sounding more like he wants to strangle his friend than anything else.
"Alright man, chill. Call me later, okay? I'm in for the rest of the night so whenever you can talk, let me know." Tucker still sounds amused and Danny looks anything but. After he agrees to call Tucker later, he ends the video call.
It takes him a few seconds before he looks my way, an apology written all over his face. "I-I'm so sorry, he's not normally that obnoxious. H-He's usually pretty cool when I'm around other people but s-sometimes he just gets to talking and he doesn't stop and-"
"You don't have to apologize for him, he was fine," I respond, smiling when Danny looks uncertain. "Seriously, he seemed cool. I didn't have a problem with it at all."
Danny still seems unsure with my answer but he accepts it, nodding a few times before we both fall silent. We look around his kitchen, mostly trying to come up with something to talk about. I don't remember silence ever being this uncomfortable before but I can't come up with a way to break it.
"You uh…" Danny finds his voice before I do and glances toward me with a shrug. "Um, you wanna watch some television for a while?" His voice wavers a little on the question but it doesn't matter. Shit, he could suggest we sit in silence for six hours straight and I'd be down with that.
We end up sitting next to each other on a sofa in his living room, some kind of teenage romance flick on the television. I'm not paying attention to what's playing, even though my eyes are glued to the screen, and I don't think Danny cares about it either. We both have a hand on the center cushion of the sofa and every so often, one of us shifts ours slightly closer to each other's. I don't know if he's hoping to touch my hand the way I'm hoping to touch his but fuck I wanna touch his hand.
At some point, we both stop inching toward each other but our hands still remain in the center cushion, just inches from each others. Like at any moment, we could reach over and take each other's hand. If I had the balls to do it, I'd take Danny's hand in a second.
The movie ends and I have no clue what it was even about. I think it was just the typical boy meets girl and falls in love type of flick but I don't remember even one second of it. I'm easily more interested in the feeling in the pit of my stomach when Danny turns to smile at me as the credits roll.
"Thanks for hanging out with me, I know you had better things to do," he says, ducking his head a little. Better things to do? Like what - being alone in my house for the night and eating a microwave meal for one? Pass.
"Nah, I really didn't have anything better to do… I-I had fun," I stammer out, giving Danny my best attempt at a smile. I'm sure it probably looks like I'm grimacing at him but I'm smiling. At least I hope I am.
Danny darts his gaze away from mine with a nod, standing up from the couch. "I'll uh… I'll walk you out then?" he asks, glancing toward me again as I get up. When I nod, he follows after me and together we head for his front door, stopping only to grab my backpack and shoes.
"Seriously though, thanks for hanging out with me. You didn't have to do that," Danny says, shrugging when I look at him. "And thanks for saving me from my shitty cooking."
That makes me laugh out loud and Danny responds with a grin. His cooking skills are non-existent and even though I'm nothing compared to Kwan's mom or Alex's, I'm still better than Danny. For some reason, that thought makes me ridiculously happy.
"Well, anytime you need me to save you again, call me," I say with a snort.
Danny rolls his eyes and tugs open the door. I follow him down the front steps and he walks to my car with me. I chuck my backpack onto the backseat and leave the door open as I turn around to look at Danny. God, his fucking oversized shirt is still driving me insane. The sun's almost gone now but I can still remember what his collarbones looked like and goddammit, I still want to feel them beneath my fingertips. And I don't even fucking care that it's not something a friend would think.
"Y-You're uh, you're still coming to the garage tomorrow, right? So I can show you stuff about cars?" I ask, hoping he hasn't changed his mind in the few hours we were together. It's not like I could blame him if he has. I'm not that easy to be around all the time and I can't imagine how he puts up with the tutoring sessions. Jesus, if I were him I'd probably just give up on me at this point.
"Yeah, totally," Danny responds, interrupting my spiraling thoughts. He folds his arms over his chest with a soft exhale. "I'll come around at five or so? You should be done with practice then, right?" he asks, taking a step closer to me.
I don't know how he expects me to give a response when he's standing so close to me that I can barely breathe. Shit, be cool. You're gonna fuck this up if you don't fucking chill.
"Y-Yeah," I mumble when I finally find my voice again. It's weird not being able to talk normally with Danny. I've always had a problem with being nervous but I take it to an entirely different level around him.
"Actually tomorrow I've got a doctor's appointment so I won't be in English. I'll still come by the garage after I'm done though," Danny says, his stare lifting to the evening sky. A few stars are already out and the longer I stare at them, the more I'm reminded of Saturday morning. When he pointed out stars and held my hand as the scent of coffee drifted between us.
Danny steps closer to me but his gaze is still on the sky when I look at him. His shoulder brushes against mine as he leans in closer to me to point out a constellation. "See that thing that kinda looks like a teapot? That's Scorpius is next to it. The one that looks like a scorpion… o-obviously,"he says with a laugh and I can feel the vibrations through his shoulder brushing against mine. How am I supposed to focus on the stars when the only thing stopping our skin from touching is a layer of fabric? Shit, why am I wishing there wasn't even that between us?
"Sorry, I-I'm kind of a nerd about this stuff," Danny says softly, getting the wrong assumption from my silence. He glances toward me, shrugging one shoulder as he gives me an apologetic smile. "S-Seriously, feel free to tell me to shut up at any time."
I shake my head before he's even finished talking. I already know the answer, I can't tell Danny to shut up. I don't think I'm capable of telling him to. Even if I don't understand half of whatever the hell he's saying, I still like hearing him talk. I like hearing the happiness in his voice when he talks about the things he's passionate about. I like seeing the grin stretched across his face when he tells me shit about the stars in the sky or about things that just make him happy. God, I really like the way happy looks on him.
"Believe me, I have no problem telling people to shut up when they're boring me," I say, nudging Danny in the ribs with my elbow. "You're not boring me, I promise."
He smiles a little but rolls his eyes like he's not convinced. "Alright… I'll see you tomorrow then," he says, lifting his stare to mine after a few silent seconds pass between us. I don't know how long we look at each other but I when I finally look away, it feels like it should be awkward. My gut feels like someone released a flurry of butterflies in it but I try not to focus on that.
"Yeah, sure, tomorrow," I respond.
Danny stands outside his house while I get into my car and pull out of his driveway. He waves to me as I leave him standing there, even though it's the last thing I want to do. I'd rather spend the night with him and never go home again. But that's not something I can ask of him so I keep putting unwanted miles between us and head toward the house where I'm sleeping alone again.
A/N:
Yoooooo! Thanks for coming back for another update from this angsty fic.
I'm definitely a broken record this week – not a lot of plot development happening this chapter. It's all very touchy-feely for these two… which in its own way IS developing the plot for the upcoming few chapters but overall… still slow in plot sense. I hope you guys are still enjoying it though.
Dash's growing crush is kinda obvious at this point, huh? The poor boy has no idea what he's getting into by falling for Danny. (though let's be honest, the sex is gonna be mind-blowing ;p)
Tuuuuuucker! He's finally made an appearance! (Okay, an on-screen appearance but STILL!) I know a lot of you were hoping that at least one of Danny's friends would show up so I hope you've enjoyed that Tucker finally did. Any thoughts on his brief interaction with Danny and Dash?
I love reading your thoughts on all these characters. I'm really loving the split between the love/hate responses Paulina's getting. I don't want to give anything away but I hope that some of you change your mind as the story progresses… cause I feel really strong one way but I won't say which ;P (even though I'm sure I said something in a past author's note that gives my stance away lmao)
The title of this chapter comes from 'Wonder' by Lauren Aquilina. It's such a Stay song and though I see it more from Danny's POV than Dash's, I felt like the line I chose for this chapter fits pretty well either way.
If you're not following me on tumblr, you haven't seen it but I posted a teaser for this chapter and I'll probably occasionally do that again for future chapters. So if you're interested in seeing stuff like that, check it out
Thanks again for reading this week's update, your thoughts and comments are always appreciated so please leave them! I'll see you guys next week with more of this angst!
