Warning: talk of abuse and homophobic slurs/language


This incessant, constant pounding starts in my head the moment I open my eyes. Oh god.

Someone's at the kitchen table, talking quietly. Not quietly enough.

I pull the covers over my head with a groan. My head feels like a bowling ball when I try to lift it from my pillow. Keeping my eyes closed eases it some, but not enough.

"You awake in there?" Alex calls from the table.

I give him a groan in response and he laughs softly. Oh god, why is he taking pleasure in my pain? I'm dying – I must be.

He leaves the table and I try to block out the sounds of him moving around in the kitchen. His shuffling footsteps come into the living room and I drop the covers low enough to see him. He stops on one side of the couch, holding out a bottle of aspirin toward me.

"Here. Take two, alright? I have some water here." He extends a glass toward me.

I swallow the pills and down the entire glass before leaning back against my pillows. My head is throbbing with every movement. God, how much did I drink last night?

Alex takes the empty glass from me and sits on the armrest of the sofa. "Scale of one to ten, how bad's the pain?"

I groan, closing my eyes long enough to concentrate. "Ten. Easy."

He snorts. "Maybe next time don't drink so much."

I keep my eyes closed to ease the throbbing and lean my head against the couch. I'm so tired, but sleep feels impossible now with my head hurting this badly.

My phone vibrates somewhere on the couch. I move as little as possible to find it – no one's worth making the pounding in my head worse.

From: Danny

Hey! :)

Wanna grab lunch with me later?

…well. Maybe one person's worth it. I text him back immediately.

To: Danny

Sounds perfect. Let me know when and where

Alex gets up from the arm of the couch, patting me on the shin. "Come on. I'll make you some eggs."

I groan loudly again, but he's insistent. So I reluctantly leave the couch and follow him into the kitchen, rubbing one eye with my fist.

"It's the ultimate hangover cure. Eggs and bacon – toast if you can stomach it." Alex moves around the kitchen as he talks, collecting the stuff he needs for breakfast.

I sink down at the table propping my forehead in my palm. God, my head's killing me. Alex gets to work on the eggs, whistling softly along with the radio, and I sit at the table, rereading older texts from Danny.

When I exit out of Danny's text conversation, Blake's name catches my eye. His conversation is below Danny's. My second most recent conversation.

I only hesitate for a second before I shoot him a text.

To: Blake

My head is killing me

Alex gets the eggs cooking, whistling softly as he turns bacon in another frying pan. Despite my throbbing head, my stomach growls at the scent. God I hope this hangover cure works – that or the aspirin kicks in soon.

My phone vibrates in my hand, lighting up with Blake's name.

From: Blake

Lmao I can't imagine why. It's not like you drank an entire bottle of Johnnie Walker yourself or anything

He attaches a GIF of someone rolling their eyes and it makes me snort.

To: Blake

It wasn't the entire bottle. I spilled some of it, I remember that

Ugh. I'm still in last night's clothes. I feel grimier now that I've noticed it – and I can't eat like this.

"Where are you going?" Alex asks when I leave my chair.

I make a vague gesture with my hand before I move into the living room. My head throbs worse every time I bend down to rummage through my pile of clothes. I resort to squatting next to the chair with half my closet spilled onto it, debating if wearing something clean is even worth it.

I change into a pair of gray sweatpants and a t-shirt – the closest things in my reach. It's chilly in the apartment, so I put Alex's hoodie back on. Changing clothes after a night like last night isn't as good as taking a shower, but it'll do for now.

Alex looks up when I step into the kitchen again. He surveys the subtle outfit change with a nod. "Feel any better?"

"Eh."

He shakes his head with a soft chuckle as he turns back to the stove.

I sink down in my chair again, propping my chin in my hand. I scroll through Facebook, but I'm not really reading anything. Alex might be right about eggs curing a hangover – just the smell is taking the edge off this headache.

Alex flips the sizzling bacon before turning to look at me. He watches me for a second or two but the eggs demand his attention.

"Tell me something," he says.

I set my phone down on the table. "Hmm?"

He stokes the eggs with the spatula, a frown creasing his features. "That guy who dropped you off last night. He said his name was Blake."

"Yeah, that's him… why?"

Alex continues to frown, pausing with the eggs to flip the bacon again. He turns back to the eggs, moving them around with the spatula before he looks at me. "Is he… Danny's Blake?"

My breath catches in my throat. What?

He doesn't look at me in the silence, going back to stirring the eggs. When he turns off the burner and starts divvying the eggs up between three plates, I make myself speak.

"Danny… told you about that?"

Alex nods, moving across the kitchen to slide a plate in front of me. He meets my gaze with a soft exhale. "Oh, yeah. He told me and Ana all about that."

"When?" I'm almost afraid to ask it.

He cuts the burner off under the bacon and adds the final pieces to another plate, bringing it over to the table. He nods toward the bacon. "Eat something. You'll feel better."

I don't care about my hangover anymore. My chest is too tight to get even a bite of food down now. I move a couple pieces of bacon to my plate, anyway.

Alex calls Kendra's name before he moves to the counter, bringing over the last two plates of eggs with him. He sits across from me and sprinkles two different seasonings on his eggs.

"When did he-"

"Eat first," Alex says, cutting me off. He gives me a look, loading his own fork up with eggs. "Take a couple bites. Then I'll answer your question."

My cheeks are warm as I drop my gaze down to my plate. "I'm not five. I can eat and listen."

Something about that makes Alex snort, but I don't get a chance to ask why. Kendra's come down the hall now and is sliding out the chair next to me. Looks like she's also wearing one of Alex's hoodies.

She gives me a smile when I look her way, turning to press a kiss to Alex's cheek.

"Good morning," she says, looking toward me again. "Did you sleep well?"

My face heats up again but I manage a nod. Alex makes a soft noise, but he's smiling when I turn to look at him.

Kendra looks between us with a frown. "What? Am I missing something?"

"A minor hangover," Alex says, giving her a smile when she shakes her head. "Don't worry about it, he's fine."

She lets out a breath, turning back to me now. "You're hungover?"

"Um," I glance to Alex, but he's not looking at either of us anymore. I turn back to Kendra, trying to shrug it off. "It's nothing. I just had a couple of drinks with a friend."

Alex makes a soft noise, earning my attention again. He's still not looking at either of us, but I can feel Kendra watching me. When I turn to look at her, she's frowning again.

"Why'd you do that?"

"Kendra," Alex says, shaking his head when she turns away from me. "Just eat. Everything's fine."

She gives one final glance my way before giving up, starting in on her breakfast. I'm in the process of tearing my bacon in half when Alex speaks again.

"It was at the Ravens final game. That's when Danny told us."

His voice is like a shot, making my head snap up as I take in his expression. Kendra glances between us again, but doesn't ask anything. And Alex… his gaze hasn't left mine.

I swallow hard, nodding as I drop my stare from his. I tear my bacon even smaller before he speaks again.

"Why are you hanging out with him?"

Because I know what it's like to live with monsters masquerading as parents.

I lift one shoulder, keeping my gaze on my plate. I don't want to have this conversation anymore.

"Hanging out with who?" Kendra asks, her voice soft in the silence.

I try to offer an explanation – tell Kendra who he is and show Alex why it doesn't matter. But I don't have an answer for either of them. Blake did all that horrible shit. What kind of boyfriend am I if I just ignore all the things he did to Danny?

It takes me thirty seconds to get my mouth working again. Kendra and Alex are sharing a look when I raise my stare to them. It nearly unnerves me – but I don't let it.

"His name is Blake. He's one of my teammates – we were friends," I say, holding Kendra's stare when she looks toward me. After a second, I look to Alex. "And… it's complicated."

"Why is it complicated? What's wrong with hanging out with him?" Kendra asks, frowning when Alex shakes his head.

I don't want to have this argument with them. But I don't want to shy away from it either.

"He did some… messed up stuff," I say, sparing a glance Kendra's way. "But he's working through it. He's moving on and… so are the rest of us."

Alex makes a soft noise, one eyebrow raised when I look at him. "Even Danny?"

My breath catches when I inhale. But my voice is steady when I speak. "Yes. Especially Danny."

Silence hangs in the air around us. Alex watches me – waiting for me to crack. Dad's done it a million times. I can handle a stare down.

Kendra's the one to break the silence. "What does Danny have to do this?"

"He's…" I trail off, trying to figure out how to phrase it. There's really no way to say it other than bluntly. I can't lie… Blake did some really fucked up stuff. "Danny dated Blake. And Blake was… kind of an asshole to him."

"And by 'asshole', Dash means that he beat the living shit out of Danny," Alex says.

Kendra makes a soft noise, her gaze curious when I raise my stare to hers. She doesn't ask anything but I feel the need to answer her.

"Danny's working through it. He asked me to try to be nicer to Blake and… I'm trying. We're figuring it out," I say.

Alex makes a noise like that's not good enough. Like there's nothing Blake can ever do to change how people see him. Maybe that's true. I don't want to argue. But… eighteen years of silence hasn't done any good.

"What does that say about someone like me?" I ask, my voice soft to my own ears.

Alex starts to say something but Kendra puts her hand on his arm. She's still looking at me – her gaze hasn't left me since I spoke. Something tells me that she knows the question before I even ask it.

"Are people only going to see me as this… broken boy with an abusive father? Is that… all I am to people?"

"No, Dash. That's not… people don't see you that way," Alex says, frowning as he shakes his head. "And besides – that's completely different. You didn't hurt someone."

Kendra clears her throat softly, and when I raise my stare again, I'm not surprised to find her still watching me. She stretches her hand across the distance between us, her fingers easily intertwining with mine.

"You want to know what I think?"

I nod.

She offers a smile, holding my hand tighter. "I think only you can make this decision for yourself. If Danny is okay with it, then it's entirely up to you if you want to repair the friendship with Blake."

My throat's tight when I swallow, but I manage to nod. Alex's silence is heavy but I don't look at him. Kendra doesn't either. I know he doesn't agree with me and… fuck, maybe he's right. Maybe Blake will go back to that shitty person he was. But for now, he's trying. So I will, too.

"You should know something else, too," Kendra says, her smile turning sad when I meet her gaze again. "You're not broken, Dash. Not even a little."

I drop my stare from hers, nodding when she squeezes my hand in hers. I don't know if she's right about that. After all this fucked up shit, how can I be anything else?


It's only eleven when Danny texts to say he's on his way. But that's fine – I'll take all the time he can give me.

I take a long, slow shower, going over everything again in my head. Technically… I didn't do anything wrong. But the guilt that claws at my throat threatens to choke me.

I can't help but think of Mom. All the times she had a chance to come clean to me about shit and she never did. I can't do that to Danny. I have to tell him about last night.

When the hot water starts to dissipate, I get out of the shower, squeezing the water out of my hair before I sling the towel around my waist.

I clear the steam from the mirror with my palm, getting a good look at the bruising. Damn. Feels like it's been forever, but… these things keep hanging on. At least they're starting to look better. Most of them are either yellow or just a dark brown. The purple and blue coloring has faded from nearly all of them.

Danny hasn't texted to say he's here yet so I take the time to shave, being careful as I go over the last of the bruises.

I rinse the razor and set it on the counter again, taking one last look at the damage before I shed the towel. I can see just the barest hint of marks on my side – the ones that have wrapped around from my back.

Trying not to look at them, I pull my shirt on first, followed by my briefs and a pair of jeans. It's a pretty good outfit, but if I wear the sweater Danny gave me… well, maybe I'll be able to do half the things to his heart that he does to mine.

When I'm dressed, I brush my teeth and run my fingers through my damp hair. There's no use attempting to style it right now. The curls my hair get at this length will just do whatever the hell they want to anyway.

My phone vibrates on the counter, displaying Danny's name on the screen. And of course it makes me smile.

From: Danny

I'm heeeerrrreeee! Want me to come up?

I text back a simple 'sure' before I cut the light out in the bathroom and step out into Alex and Kendra's bedroom. I slide my phone into my back pocket and leave the bedroom, moving down the hallway.

They're both at the table when I come to a stop at the end of the hall, catching Kendra's attention. She gives me a smile. "Hey, how you feeling?"

"Good," I respond, nodding toward the front door. "Danny's here though. We're going out for a while."

Kendra gives me a soft smile as Alex stands from his chair. He pats my shoulder as he passes by but doesn't say anything. I turn just a little to watch him go but… Danny knocks at the door, and I lose my interest in Alex.

I move across the apartment to the front door. When I open it, his face – cheeks and nose red from the cold – is the first thing I see. Until I catch the black studs in his ears.

Holy… shit…

"Hi," he says, grinning as he leans up to press a kiss to my lips.

I kiss him back, my face flushing at the heat that's quickly heading down south. Guys in earrings… apparently a turn on for me. Uh… good to know, I guess.

"H-Hi," I breathe out when I pull away. He grins, adjusting the black beanie on his head. It looks cute on him, but… damn, those earrings.

He steps inside when I open the door wider for him and he kicks snow off his boots. "You ready to go?"

"Uh, yeah… just… give me a minute. Need to… grab my sweater," I say, giving him a fleeting smile before I excuse myself.

I briefly hear Kendra greeting Danny, but it barely registers in my mind. I step into the bedroom and thank whoever's up there listening that Alex is in the bathroom. I take a couple of deep breaths and try to think of things that are definitely turn off's.

But my stupid mind keeps conjuring up images of Danny's face, flushed red, lips parted – those fucking black earrings staring at me.

The noise I let out can only be described as sinful. And I'm fucking ashamed that the thoughts I keep going over are only adding fuel to the fire.

I hear Alex flush the toilet in the bathroom and I panic, rummaging through my shit in the dresser before I find the sweater. It's not long enough to cover the obvious problem, but… fuck, maybe nobody will notice.

"Hey," Alex says as he opens the bathroom door.

I count to three in my head before I turn and give him what I'm sure is a flushed smile. "H-Hey. I'm headed out. Uh... w-with Danny, so… I'll see you later?"

He frowns, tilting his head to one side. "Is everything okay?"

God, that makes the heat on my face worse but I nod anyway.

"Yeah, I'm good," I say, palming my neck and trying to think of more things that I find unattractive. It's kinda hard when Danny's face keeps popping up in my imagination.

Alex lets out a breath, leaning against the bathroom doorframe. "Did you… have any nightmares last night?"

"What?" I look up at him, distracted by my shameful thoughts for a moment before his words register. "Oh, no – I didn't."

He gives a soft smile. "Well, that's good. At least getting plastered keeps that shit away, you know?"

Something in my heart hitches before I can return his smile. What…? Is this how I-

"Yeah, that's… yeah, that's true," I say, forcing a quick smile that doesn't feel convincing at all. "I uh… I gotta go. I'll see you later."

I leave the bedroom before Alex can say anything more. Danny is talking softly with Kendra, a smile lighting up his expression. And… god, his smile is like every golden sunset rolled into one.

The sight of his earrings distracts me from the shit running circles in my head now, but I don't keep my gaze on them for long. I don't want it sending blood rushing anywhere it shouldn't in this moment.

Danny turns toward me when I come down the hallway. His smile brightens and it fills my chest, knowing that look is for me. God – even his eyes are smiling.

"Ready to go, babe?"

Did he just call me… babe?

I can't help but return his expression with a grin as I step into the foyer. "Yeah, one sec," I say, before I crouch to put my shoes on.

Danny says something to Kendra that I don't catch, focusing instead on lacing my shoes. And desperately attempting to control the color on my face. But… how can I? He called me babe.

I straighten up and grab my jacket from the hook by the door, quickly slipping it on. I'm ready to be out of here. And kissing the hell out of him.

Kendra pushes away from the table, nodding toward me. "Hey, take my keys with you. Alex and I have some errands to run today and I don't know when we'll be home."

"Okay," I say, turning back to the hook to swipe her keys. I let them jingle twice before I bury them in my jacket pocket. "What are you guys doing?"

She shrugs, pushing her hair back with a soft smile. "Adulting – seriously, it's nothing interesting. Finances and stuff, you know how it is."

I nod, shoving my hands into my pockets. "Okay, well… I'll see you later then."

She opens her arms for a hug that I step into. "Have fun, okay?"

"I will," I say, and I can't hold in the smile as she easily turns to Danny and offers him a hug, too.

She squeezes him tightly before stepping back, surveying us both with a smile. "You two are so cute together."

I blush furiously again and clear my throat before I nod toward the door. "Come on. Let's go before she starts teasing like Anastasia does."

Kendra laughs at that, but I move closer to the door anyway. Danny grabs my arm before I can leave, giving me a look when I turn back to him.

"Did you even check the temperature today?" he asks, rolling his eyes when I shake my head. "Okay, well – gloves, hat, scarf. It's too cold out there for you to wear just this jacket."

"Hey, I'm wearing your sweater underneath. And-"

"I don't care," Danny says, cutting me off with a laugh. "Put on some accessories."

Kendra's smiling when I glance her way, clearly enjoying this whole exchange. But she offers me calvary, nodding to the foyer closet. "There's some of Alex's stuff in there. Take what you want."

I mumble my thanks before I separate from Danny. I find the scarf Alex made me wear to school but I leave the hat behind. There's a pair of black gloves hanging up but they're too small for my hands. Must be Kendra's.

"Happy now?" I ask, turning back to Danny.

He makes a noise. "Where are your gloves? And a hat – you need a hat."

"I'm not messing up my hair," I say, flushing when he rolls his eyes. "Shut up. You look good no matter what you do. I make one wrong move with these curls and I look like a poodle."

That makes him laugh, making me grin in turn.

"Fine, but you keep that scarf on. You're not getting a cold on my watch," he says, tugging open the front door.

I follow him out of the apartment, saying a final goodbye to Kendra before I pull the door shut behind us.

"You know cold weather can't actually cause a cold, right?" I ask, following him carefully down the icy stairs.

"Pshaw, who says that?" he asks, glancing back at me with a grin. And… fuck, I catch sight of those earrings again.

I grab his arm when we're at the bottom of the stairs, stopping him from leaving me. He only has a second to give me a curious glance before I'm crushing my lips to his. Fuck. He tastes sweet again and pepperminty and I love it.

He kisses me back, a soft sound leaving him as I slide my arms around his waist. I fit him closer to me, pushing my tongue further into his mouth. God, he's addicting.

He pulls away just a touch, breathless. I can feel his smile against my lips. "Y-You miss me, huh?"

"Your fucking earrings," is what I grumble out before I press my mouth to his again. Standing out in the cold is doing wonders for that unfortunate blood rush problem.

His laugh sounds like music when he breaks away from my kiss. His eyes are fucking sparkling as he smiles at me, his gaze searching my expression. "Oh, you like them?"

I roll my eyes – the answer's pretty damn obvious.

He laughs again, and I lean forward, burying my face in his neck. He's got a stupid scarf in the way, otherwise I'd be kissing his neck or licking his collarbones right now. Anything to make him squirm.

As if reading my mind, Danny pushes away, giving me a suspicious look.

"What?" I play innocent as he stares me down.

"Nothing…" he trails off but doesn't lift that suspicious gaze from me. "Come on, let's go get warm in my car."

I follow him across the parking lot and only let go of his hand when we reach the car. As soon as we're settled inside again and he's got the heat running, I slide my fingers between his.

"When did you do that?" I ask, nodding toward his ears when he looks at me.

A smile crosses his face as he shrugs. "After I dropped you off yesterday. I had to stop at the mall for something and… I don't know. Passed a jewelry store and decided what the hell, right?"

I close the distance between us and kiss him again. Damn – I don't think I'll ever get over how sweet he tastes.

"They look good on you," I mumble against his lips, stealing another kiss before he pulls away.

He leans back, giving me a smile. "Thank you. Honestly, I didn't know what your reaction was going to be so… I'm kinda relieved."

"Like I could ever hate anything on you," I say, grinning as I steal another kiss.

He pushes back from me. "Yeah, yeah. I've got somewhere I want us to go for lunch but… did you want to go somewhere first?"

I shrug, clicking my seatbelt in place when he does. "I don't care. I didn't have anything in mind, unless you did."

He gives me a smile as he shakes his head. "Nope… I'm good just going to lunch with you."

Same, here. If you're in the car with me, I'm down for whatever.


Danny takes us to downtown – to a restaurant I've never been. Judging by the general vibe the place is putting out, I can tell I'm underdressed as soon as we step inside.

"Relax, will you?" Danny asks, laughing softly when I smooth out my sweater for the third time. His eyes shine when he smiles, leaning close enough to me to press a quick kiss to my lips. "You look fine."

His smile when he pulls back from the kiss sends warmth coursing through me. And I don't think he knows what he's doing to me.

Someone clears their throat and Danny pulls back from me. He smiles warmly at the hostess standing in front of us.

"Hi, do you have a reservation with us?" the hostess asks, balancing a tablet in one hand.

"Yes. It should be under Fenton," Danny says, sliding his hand into mine. He spares me a quick glance, along with a smile, before he turns back to the hostess. "I reserved a table in the private area."

The hostess looks up with a nod. "Yes, of course. One moment and I'll check that out for you." She looks up from her tablet. "It's just the two of you, yes?"

When Danny nods, the hostess turns, heading toward the back of the restaurant.

I squeeze Danny's hand in mine. "What is this all about? I didn't know you were going to make a reservation somewhere."

Danny smiles, lifting one shoulder. He doesn't offer an explanation, turning his gaze out to the nearest window instead.

It doesn't take the hostess more than a minute or two before she's back. She says she has a table ready for us and leads us to the back of the restaurant.

Danny holds my hand as we follow behind her, until we reach our table. We're stopped at a circular table, draped with a red tablecloth. The lighting back here is dimmer, a lantern hanging low from the ceiling.

"I'll have our waiter get right to you guys. Can I get you started off with drinks or anything?" the hostess asks, hand poised over her tablet.

Danny shakes his head, letting go of my hand. "No, that's alright. We'll browse the menu for a bit first."

"Okay. Your waiter will be out shortly. You two enjoy your meal," she says, giving us both a smile before she leaves.

Danny turns to me with a smile. "Shall we?"

As soon as we're both seated, he leans across the table to take my hand, smiling widely. I squeeze his hand in mine before I glance around the restaurant. And… damn. When they say private, they really mean it. I don't see another table around.

"What exactly is this place?" I ask, looking back at Danny with a frown. "I don't see any other tables. Is this… like a one party at a time type of deal?"

Danny grins, shaking his head. "No. There are other private tables scattered throughout the restaurant. There's one back there – behind that red curtain."

I look where he's pointed but when he turns around again, I don't care about the other guests here anymore. His eyes practically sparkle as I lean across the table to kiss him. He slides one hand into my hair, pushing his tongue against my closed lips.

I let him deepen the kiss for a second or two before I break away. I catch the disappointed noise that leaves him and he blushes when I grin.

"We should probably browse the menu before we get… distracted," I say, and I can't stop the laugh that escapes me when he flushes darker.

He picks up his menu and swats me on the shoulder with it. "Hush. Besides – I already know what I'm getting. Their vegetarian lasagna is to die for."

I take a glance down at my menu, but I don't unfold it. "You've uh… you've been here before?"

Danny shrugs when I look up at him. "Yeah. It's a great place to eat. I used to come here all the time." He cuts me off when I start to speak. "No, not with Blake. With my dad."

I blink. "Your dad, really? This is… kind of romantic, don't you think?"

He frowns. "The private area isn't the only area to eat at here."

My face warms and I catch the smile he tries to hide. "Right… right, of course. Sorry."

Danny rolls his eyes, leaning across to press a light kiss to my lips. "Don't apologize. You have a right to ask questions."

When he sits back in his chair, he props his elbow up on the table, resting his chin in his hand. I tear my gaze away from him and focus on the menu. I've only read the first two appetizers when Danny brushes his foot against the inside of my thigh.

I jump in my seat, my knees hitting the underside of the table. The condiment container tips over, sugar packets raining down on the floor.

Danny badly conceals a snort – the traces of it all over his face when I look up at him. "Sorry. I thought you-"

He abruptly stops, his face pink again. I look up from the table just as a waiter comes to a stop beside us.

"Hello, how are you doing today?" he greets, continuing despite the flushed state we're both in. "I'm Ben – I'll be your server today. Can I get you two gentlemen started off with something to drink?"

Danny folds his hands on top of his menu, smiling up at the waiter. "Yes, I'll have a water and a white wine."

I glance at him but he doesn't look my way.

Ben nods, noting it down on his pad of paper. "Okay. I am going to need to see your ID before I can bring you the wine," he says, smiling when Danny nods. He turns toward me. "And for you, sir?"

"Just a water's fine," I say. It'll probably be a while before I venture into alcohol again.

"Okay, great," he says, jotting that down before he turns back to Danny.

He takes the ID card that Danny hands over. He gives it a once over before he hands it back. "Okay, thank you. I'll have your drinks right out."

When he's out of earshot, I look to Danny. "Since when do you have a fake ID?"

He shrugs, putting it back in his wallet before he slides it into his jeans pocket. "I got it a while ago." He nods toward the menu. "What are you getting?"

Reluctantly, I turn my gaze back to the menu. The prices aren't listed beside the foods which gives me a bad feeling – this place must be fucking expensive.

"What's something on here that won't break the bank?" I joke, looking up at Danny with a smile.

"Probably the glass of water," he grins, shaking his head as he takes my hand again. "I don't care what you get. This is my treat."

I flip a page in the menu, studying the entrée options before I voice the question. "Why'd you make a reservation here?"

"Because you deserve nice things," he says, his face only taking on a light pink tinge when I look up at him.

My own face is on fire and I don't have the mental capacity to respond. I just nod before I look at my menu again.

Danny lets out a quiet breath. "And maybe because I texted Paulina to see if you guys had ever been here." He shrugs when I look up at him. "She said you hadn't so… I figured it would be nice."

"Wait a second." I fold my hands on top of my menu, grinning now. "You've been looking for places I haven't been to with her?"

He flushes properly now – the dark pink spreading down his neck and even to the tips of his ears. "Can you blame me? Everywhere we go, you always ask if I was there with Blake."

"That's different," I say, the playfulness leaving me immediately. It's replaced by something darker – something closer to my anxiety.

Danny folds his arms, leaning against the table as he raises one eyebrow. "Really? How so?"

"Paulina and I ended on good terms. We're friends," I say.

Danny clicks his tongue softly. "Blake and I are friends, too."

They're… shit. Yeah, that's right. They are friends. At least… they're getting there.

"Alrighty, here's that white wine and waters for you, sir," our waiter says, breezing into the middle of a conversation that's far from over and setting our glasses down in front of us.

Danny breaks the stare we've been holding, turning toward the waiter with a smile. He swipes his glass as soon as the waiter sets it down, delicately sipping on his wine before he sets it down on the table again.

"Can I get you two started off with any appetizers?" Ben asks, looking expectantly between us.

Danny glances over at me with a soft smile. "Sure. We'll have an order of dinner rolls."

"Excellent choice," he says, noting that down before he looks between us again. "Are you ready to order your main entrées?"

I shake my head. "No, we're still looking at the menu. But thank you."

"Of course, of course," Ben says, giving a final smile before he steps back from our table.

I wait until he's disappeared around the corner again before I look to Danny. He's tracing the rim of his wine glass with his pinky finger. The soft lighting casts shadows on his face – giving him this dreamlike glow around him. I don't want this moment to end.

"About Blake," I say anyway, earning his stare again. I open my mouth twice before I finally speak. "I thought you should know that we… hung out last night."

Danny blinks. "You… hung out with Blake?"

"Stranger things have happened," I joke.

He squints for a second before shrugging. "True. How'd you end up hanging out with him?"

"Oh, I texted him to see if he was awake. I needed to get out of the apartment for a while cause Alex was-" I cut myself off, glancing down at the menu again like something's caught my attention.

Danny waits a beat before he prompts me. "Because Alex was what?"

Shit… that's harder to explain than telling him the part about Blake. Thankfully, I'm saved from answering when the waiter returns with our basket of rolls.

"Here you are," Ben says, setting the basket down on the table. "Do you need a little more time to decide your entrée's?"

"No," I say, nodding toward Danny. "I'll have whatever he has."

Danny rolls his eyes, swatting me on the arm with his menu again. "You should've read the menu." He turns to Ben with a soft smile. "We'll have two vegetarian lasagnas."

Ben writes that down, nodding once. "Okay, and did you want that with freshly grated parmesan on top?"

"Ooh, yes, please," Danny says, turning to me with a grin. "I totally forgot about that – best part of the meal."

Ben glances between us with a smile. "Alright, we'll have that out to you in just a moment. I can take those menu's out of your way if you'd like."

We hand our menu's off and when Ben's disappeared again, Danny meets my stare.

"So, you were saying something about Alex?"

I busy myself with my water, using my thumb to rub a line in the condensation gathered on the outside of the glass. "Was I? I don't remember what I was saying."

Danny hesitates for a moment before he speaks. "If you don't want to tell me… that's fine." He shrugs when I look up at him. "I know you're not that into sharing stuff."

"It's not that," I say.

I reach across the table to take his hand. He's quick to slide his fingers in between mine, a soft smile pulling at his expression. It makes me smile too – and all the fighting with Alex seems to drift away in this moment.

"Alex… disagreed with me going to see my dad," I say, shrugging when Danny meets my gaze again. "We were having dinner with his mom and… I don't know. Shit got messy, you know?"

Danny nods, squeezing my hand in his. "I'm sorry."

I shrug again, dropping my stare down to our hands. "I just… I wanted to be honest with you. And I know you're trying to be friends with him again but I… I don't know how much is too much too fast with him, you know?"

Danny shakes his head when I look up at him. "What are you talking about?"

I let out a breath, running my tongue along my bottom lip as I think it over. I don't know how to do this delicately – since we started dating, I've tried not to ask about the shit Blake did. But I have to talk about this at least.

"I don't know, do you think we're… giving him a second chance too soon?" I look toward him with the question. "Cause I know you were… Danny, I saw the bruises when we went to Star's beach house. After the first game of the season."

Danny lets out a breath, pulling his hand from mine. My stomach sinks as he turns his gaze out into the restaurant, his eyes darting around like he doesn't want to look at me.

I try to touch his arm but I stop just short of his sleeve. I'm scared to watch him pull away from me again. "I'm sorry. You don't have to talk about it, I just thought-"

"Those weren't from Blake."

What?

He's still not looking at me as he cuts me off. His gaze is set off in the distance, his eyebrows drawn down.

"But you were… I mean you were really banged up. If he didn't do it, then-"

A muscle works in Danny's jaw. And my heart seizes in my chest at how hard he's trying to keep it together. This conversation is taking more out of him than I thought… and fuck, it's none of my business if he doesn't want to tell me about it.

"You don't have to talk about it," I repeat.

He lets out a breath through his nose, but he looks at me again. He holds my stare for a moment longer before he nods, his gaze dropping to the table.

"I just wanted to tell you about being with Blake last night b-"

"Why are we talking about Blake?" Danny asks, looking up at me as he picks up his wine. He swirls it around the glass once before he takes a sip, watching me in silence.

I hold his stare, my stomach tensing in the silence. "Because I want to be honest with you. It's… I want to be more honest. My… my mom was never honest with me. She lied about why she was leaving my dad and she lied about coming back to get me."

Danny's stare has moved to the table, and he nods in the silence. He doesn't offer anything in return, sipping on his wine instead.

"I was thinking about it… pretty recently and it's made me realize that… honesty is the most important thing to me now." I let out a breath, pretty sure I'm rambling at this point. I watch Danny in the silence. He hasn't lifted his gaze from the table. "If my mom had been honest with me, maybe there'd be a relationship left to save."

He nods before taking another sip from his glass. He lets out a breath slowly, looking up to meet my stare. "I get it. You… you can always be honest with me."

I watch him watching me – and I almost don't continue – nearly talk myself out of it. But if I don't talk about this with somebody, I might combust.

"Blake and I got pretty wasted last night," I say, letting out a breath as I watch Danny's eyebrows draw downward. "Well… I did anyway."

He sets his wine glass down on the table. "And?"

I let out a breath, looking away from him as I say it. "I don't know. I didn't have a nightmare, so… apparently if I get drunk, they fuck off for the night."

Danny lets out a breath that sounds filled with relief. "Oh, really? Is this your new game plan?"

I catch the teasing lilt to his voice and I know I should play along. But Alex's words are ringing in my ears, driving out all chances of making this lighthearted.

"Do you think I'm like him?"

The question's out of my mouth before I can stop myself. That isn't how I wanted to phrase it – it comes out too loud and too brash for this quiet restaurant.

"Like who? Blake?"

I let out a breath, turning my gaze to the table now. I still can't look at him. Can't see the expression on his face when I voice this question. The one hammered into me since I was sixteen and stood between him and my cowering mother. Even all this time later, I swear I can smell his blood on my knuckles.

It was the first – and only – time I ever hit my father.

"My dad," I spit out, the words ugly and splintered as they leave my mouth. As soon as I say it, I desperately want to take it back. To make jokes with him again and pretend that nothing matters beyond these stolen moments between us.

Danny draws in a breath. "What? No, of course not – why would you even think that?"

I shrug, keeping my gaze on the table.

"There are plenty of people who have a few drinks and don't b-" He cuts himself off, reaching across the table to take my hand in his. "And don't hurt people."

He calls my name softly but I don't look at him.

"It was only a question. I don't… it's not like I really think that," I lie, keeping my gaze on the table.

Danny groans softly. He uses his free hand under my chin, turning my head up to meet his stare. His expression is every bit as sad and sympathetic as I knew it'd be. Fuck… I'm ruining this again.

"You're nothing like him." His voice is firm on the words, his thumb gently caressing my chin.

I nod. And though he opens his mouth to say more, he's interrupted by our waiter – bringing two plates of lasagna out to us.

Danny lets go of me, sitting back in his chair to give the waiter room to set our plates down. I focus on my plate as the waiter piles on parmesan cheese.

"Enjoy your meal," Ben says, giving us both a smile before he retreats to the kitchen again.

Silence descends over our table, stretching tightly between us. It only breaks when I pick up my rolled silverware, attracting Danny's attention.

"I meant what I said. How could you ever be-"

"I don't really want to talk about my dad," I say. I unroll my fork and set the knife and spoon down on the table before I meet his stare. "It doesn't matter what I said. This… this is supposed to be about us."

Danny hesitates – and for a moment I imagine him pushing me. Demanding me to talk about things that still tear at me from the inside out. But I wonder if he senses that same hesitation in me that I sensed in him when I asked about the bruises. Because one corner of his mouth tucks up in a small smile, and he gives in with a nod.

He takes my hand again, squeezing tightly. "Okay. We don't have to talk about it."

I squeeze his hand again before I pull back, giving him a grin. "This lasagna better be amazing or I'm holding it against you."

"Hey!" he laughs, swatting my arm. "I didn't tell you to get it."


Danny does his best to take care of the bill discreetly but I still catch a glimpse at it. And it's way too expensive for only two people to have eaten here. So when he asks me as we're leaving if I want to do anything or go anywhere before he drops me off, I go for a free option.

"How about the outlook?" I ask, feigning innocence at the look he gives me. "What? I like going there."

Danny pushes open the front door of the restaurant and holds it open for me. As I step out onto the sidewalk with him, I catch his gaze moving down my body before rushing back up to meet my face.

"I know what you're asking for. And no," he says, laughing when I stay silent. "It's too cold to be outside and… I don't really want our first time to be car sex."

I almost fall off the sidewalk – nearly trip and fall flat on my ass at the jolt that runs through me. My voice is shaky on the words and I can barely look at him as I ask. "Wh-What?"

Danny gives me a funny look as he steps off the sidewalk. "I thought you were… you weren't talking about going there to-"

"No," I croak out, feeling the heat on my face at his grin.

"My bad, then." He nods toward his car, continuing as we start across the parking lot. "I didn't know that talking about sex embarrassed you so much."

"It doesn't," I say, trying to ignore the burn I can feel on my face.

We come to a stop at the back of his car and Danny stops, searching my expression. The smile he gives me is kind, but amused. He reaches across the space between us, holding his hand out toward me. When I close the distance between our hands, he intertwines our fingers together.

"I want to do this with you, okay? But… I want to do it right. And rushed sex isn't any good," Danny says, continuing despite my obvious incoming death via embarrassment. "And Dash… you deserve great sex. Mind-blowing, toe-curling, oh my god screaming each other's names sex."

The noise I let out is some garble between a groan, a high pitched squeak, and a signal to the grim reaper to come take me now.

Danny laughs. "Besides… none of my moves work in tight spaces like that."

"Oh my god, can we just go?" I choke out, letting go of his hand when he laughs again. He unlocks the car with the button on his keys and I move to the passenger side. Shut myself away inside his car, trying to figure out how much embarrassment one person can take before they spontaneously combust.

Judging by the grin on Danny's face as he gets in the driver's seat, I'm definitely getting close to the threshold.


Danny doesn't take any of the back roads to get to his place. He takes the fastest route instead. I think we both know why.

When he pulls into an empty driveway, I know I'm right.

"So… my parents aren't going to be home for at least another few hours," he says, letting out a breath as he cuts off the engine. He swings his keys around his finger once before he looks toward me with a grin. "You wanna come inside with me? See… what we get up to?"

Oh, fuck yes.

"Sounds great," I say, unable to hold back the grin on my own face. God, are we really about to do this?

I follow Danny out of the car. Take his hand when he holds it out to me. This nervous energy passes between us, but I think it's a good kind of nervous. I can't stop grinning – and I know he can't either.

He holds my hand while he unlocks the front door, leading me inside. He turns back to face me as soon as I've stepped inside. He kisses me and I feel his grin against my lips.

He starts to say something – maybe my name – but I slide my tongue between his teeth, and he lets out a moan in response. We stumble backward a pace before I pull away from him. I'm rewarded with a whiny groan from Danny that I can't stop myself from laughing at.

This is crazy. He wants me just as much as I want him. It's fucking crazy – I used to dream about this. Used to ache just to hold him. And we're here now and… I can't believe I'm getting to have this with him.

I close his front door, grinning as I turn back to him. "You want to go to your room?"

Danny quickly nods, a shy smile on his face. When he bites his bottom lip, the breath I let out must tell him exactly what he's doing to me.

He leads me through his house and up the stairs to his bedroom. I take his hand as we cross into his bedroom. He turns back to look at me with a smile.

"So, anything in particular you want to do?" I joke, earning a laugh from Danny.

He grins, taking my other hand, too. "Hmm… can't think of anything. You wanna just sit for a minute?"

Danny starts leading me toward his bed without waiting for a response. Like he fucking needs one – we're both equally into this right now. And fuck me, if he looks at me with that sly grin one more fucking time…

We sit on the edge of his bed. And when he kisses me, it starts out innocently enough – but he's crawling on my lap within seconds. His tongue's in my mouth, my hands in his hair and it's everything I thought this moment would be.

He breaks away from me long enough to pull his hoodie off, immediately followed by his t-shirt. And fuck, I can't stop myself from leaning forward to press a kiss to his skin. He lets out a soft noise at the touch before directing my head up to kiss me again.

I run my hands down his chest, exploring every curve and dip his body has to offer. He lets out a moan when I trace my thumb over one of his nipples. I pinch one gently and I'm rewarded with a shudder as he grips my shoulders.

"Fuck, Dash," he breathes against my mouth.

He breaks away from the kiss with a soft pant. A thin string of saliva connects from his bottom lip to mine – but he pulls away far enough for it to break.

"Condom," he mumbles, sliding from my lap and onto the floor again. He stumbles a little as he moves away from me and out of his room again.

My heart's pounding as I watch him go. Fuck, we're really about to do this.

I kick my shoes off and strip my sweater off, piling it on top of Danny's discarded hoodie and shirt. I move back on the bed, until my back's against his headboard. I don't know if we're doing this under the covers or not so I don't turn them down. I think we're just gonna go for it and whatever feels right, we'll go with.

I can hear Danny moving around in the hallway outside his room. Anticipation builds in me when I hear the bathroom door close and his footsteps coming closer to his room.

Danny appears in the doorway and his gaze lands on me. The smile he gives me is innocent – but that look in his eyes is anything but. He leans his weight against the door to close it, biting his lip shyly as he holds up the silver packet in one hand.

"Found one… in the bathroom cabinet," he all but whispers the words, slowly crossing the room toward me. He kicks his shoes off when he reaches his desk, kicking them in the general direction of mine.

God, he has no idea what he does to me. He makes it seem effortless as he crosses the room, pure need coursing through me at the sight of his bare chest. Goose bumps have risen to the surface of his skin, but when he crawls onto my lap again, he's radiating warmth.

He drops the packet on the bed beside me before he molds his mouth to mine. I run my hands up his back, desperately trying to destroy the space between us. There isn't any left but I still try to bring him closer.

He runs his fingers through my hair, nails scraping against my scalp. It pulls a low groan from me. Has him smiling against my lips.

God, I love this. Him. Us.

I slide my tongue in his mouth, earning a quiet groan from him now. His touches are feather light when he drops his hands to my shoulders. I kiss him hard – making up for his softness.

"Dash," he breathes my name when he pulls away. I open my eyes for half a second – catch the way his teeth are biting down on his bottom lip before I'm pressing my open mouth to his again.

His hands fumble for mine, directing them from his warm back down lower. Until I'm cupping his ass, his denim jeans rough beneath my hands.

Danny breaks away from the kiss, a soft pant leaving him as he speaks. "Is this… ah… okay?" he whispers, ducking back down to kiss my neck.

I can't stop the soft moan that slips from me at his action. And my brain is too rattled to use words, so I merely nod instead.

"Can I… can I take this off?" he asks, looking up at me as he tugs on the hem of my t-shirt.

For a second, panic races through me. At the thought of all the marks and scars he'll see if I let him. But the look in his eyes is kind. Tender. I think he knows how much he's really asking for.

I swallow hard, slide my hands from his ass. Find the words this time. "Yeah… you can take it off."

Danny gives me a gentle smile, easing my shirt up over my stomach. He tries to disguise the momentary hesitation, but I feel it. His hold on my t-shirt slips just a little when his gaze darts downward. When he sees everything my father's capable of.

"They don't hurt anymore," I say.

He meets my gaze, disbelief in his eyes. But he only waits a second longer before pushing my shirt the rest of the way up. I raise my arms – let him take my shirt completely off. And though his cold headboard stings against the lingering burns on my back, I don't say anything. I don't want to interrupt him now.

Danny's touch is gentle as he walks his fingers up my stomach and across my chest – avoiding every scar along the way.

I capture his hand in mine, stilling his movements. He meets my gaze. I push his hand flat against my chest – his fingers touching several scars now. He swallows hard, sinks his teeth into his bottom lip.

"It's okay," I whisper, caressing the back of his hand with my thumb.

Danny drops his gaze to my chest, moving his index finger over one of my scars. I watch him swallow before he speaks.

"And… they don't hurt?"

"Not anymore."

He meets my gaze again, and when he shifts against me, thoughts of my scars drift away. He leans closer, pressing his lips to mine. And I know it's right this time. He was right before – we deserve to have this here. Somewhere we'll both remember.

Not in the back of his car or in a room at Dale's place. It should happen somewhere like here. Some place that means something to us.

Danny's tongue in my mouth and hands in my hair has me catching my breath, my body reacting in time to his. I'm so caught up in him it takes me a second to understand why he pulls away this time.

Someone clears their throat quietly and with a creeping flush all over me, I realize we're not alone anymore.

Jack Fenton stands in the doorway, trying not to look directly at us.

"Um… h-hi, Dad," Danny says, his voice several octaves higher than normal. I have the sense about me to take my hands off his ass but I'm not sure where to put them after that.

Jack glances our way before averting his stare to the carpet. "Your mother and I left work early. She's not far behind so I suggest that… this come to an end."

"Y-Yeah, of course," Danny says, his face red as he crawls off of me.

Once he's standing, he glances around, his gaze landing on his t-shirt. On the other side of the bed. He blanches, seemingly unsure of what to do from here. Same, Danny.

Jack manages to look at Danny now, but his face is almost as red as his son's. He clears his throat again. "Right, well… um. I'll let you two… get dressed."

He turns back to the hallway but only gets one foot out of the door before he turns around again. He glances between us now, the embarrassment lingering in his features.

"Listen, son," he says, taking a half-step further into Danny's room. "You know that I don't care who you're with."

Danny's face is definitely bordering on tomato shade, but he manages a nod. "I-I know, Dad."

Jack lets out a soft breath. His gaze drifts over to me before he's looking back at Danny. "I mean that. You can… you can be with whoever makes you happy."

Danny nods again, crossing his arms over his chest – like that'll hide the fact that he's still shirtless.

Jack hesitates a moment longer before he continues. "But listen, if I were you, I wouldn't tell your mother today. You know how she can be."

That twists a wry smile out of Danny. He looks up at his dad with a nod. "Yeah. Well… um… we'll see you in a minute."

Jack nods, turning back to the hall. He only pulls the door half-closed as he leaves – like he's trying to discourage us from picking up where we left off. But there's no need – fastest mood killer ever is an unexpected parent barging in.

"Well… that was uncomfortable," I say, earning a quiet snort from Danny.

His face is still red but he uncrosses his arms, leaning across me to grab his t-shirt. "Boy, was it ever," he murmurs, tugging his shirt on over his head.

I can't help but smile, despite the awkwardness of this whole situation. At least this is normal. At least it's his dad that saw us, instead of mine.

That thought sends a rush of panic through me and I try to bury it quickly. Give Danny a smile when he looks to me.

"What are you smiling at?" Danny asks, grabbing his hoodie from the back of his desk chair.

I watch as he pulls his hoodie on before I grab my own shirt from his bed. I put it on slowly, followed by my sweater, before I get off his bed.

"Nothing," I say, still unable to get rid of the smile. "I just… I don't know. Looking forward to when we can pick that up where we left off."

Danny rolls his eyes. "Come on. I'll drive you home. Preferably before my mom shows up."

"Judging by our luck so far, that's unlikely," I say, grinning when he lets out a soft sigh.

I follow him out of his room and downstairs. Just before we hit the bottom stair, I grab his hand in my own. I wait until he looks at me before I speak.

"Let's say hey to your dad before we go," I say.

Danny gives me a funny look, that flush rising on his face again. "Seriously? You want to relive that already?"

"Better to get it over with, right?" I ask. He groans, but I squeeze his hand and he leads me in the direction of the kitchen.

"Hey, Dad?" he calls as he steps into the kitchen, letting go of my hand when his dad steps out from behind the open fridge door.

He looks between us, a container balanced in one hand, before smiling. "Hey, what's up?"

"Nothing, I just…" Danny trails off, glancing back toward me with a bewildered shrug before he's looking at his dad again. "Just wanted to tell you that I… I'm gonna drive Dash home, so… yeah."

Jack looks between us, nodding before he holds out the container toward us. "Okay. Do you want some fudge? Either of you?"

"Sure," I say, surprising myself with the words. Danny glances toward me but I keep my focus on closing the distance between me and Jack. He smiles softly when I take a piece of fudge from the container.

Jack holds the container out toward Danny when I've taken a piece. "You know that's a family recipe."

"No kidding," I say, biting a small corner off. And holy shit is it sweet. "It's really good. Like… seriously good."

He smiles wider. "Thank you."

"Yeah, of course," I say, glancing toward Danny. "Well listen, we should probably get going. But it was nice to see you again, sir."

"Please – Jack," he says, glancing between us in silence before he continues. "And it's nice to see you again, too. Of course… I'd prefer if the next time wasn't when you were under my son like that…"

Oh my god.

My face warms instantly, but the flush that grows on Danny's face is probably way hotter. "Um, I… I…"

"Okay," Danny cuts me off, face still bright red when he takes my hand. "We're just… we're gonna go. And um… we're just gonna forget this happened."

Jack laughs, giving us a wave as Danny pulls me along behind him, out of the kitchen. I follow after him, popping the last of the fudge into my mouth.

"I can't believe you just made me go through that," Danny whispers when we get to the foyer.

I grin. "It wasn't that bad."

"Says you! You're not the one who has to come home to this," Danny continues in a whisper. "Please just put your shoes on so we can get out of here."

I can't lose the grin even as I stoop down to tie my shoes. When I've got my jacket on, Danny takes his keys from one of the hooks by the door and leads me out of the house.

He leads the way to his car in silence, only speaking when we're inside. "That was one of the worst conversations ever, oh my god. Seriously – that made one of the top ten. If not the top five!"

I laugh, shaking my head when he looks at me. "It wasn't that bad. He was pretty cool about it, actually."

"Again… you don't have to live with him," Danny says, groaning when I laugh again. He collapses back against his seat, staring up at the ceiling with a sigh. "You're so lucky with Alex. I bet he'd never say anything like that."

"Trust me, he says plenty," I say, the heat crawling up my neck when Danny turns to look at me. "Don't ask. I'm not giving you specifics."

He smirks, darting his gaze away from me. "Speaking of… we should probably talk for a second."

"About what?" I ask, buckling my seatbelt with one hand.

A pretty pink flush creeps up the back of Danny's neck when he shakes his head. He traces the raised outline of the Hyundai logo in the center of his steering wheel. I watch his index finger trace it twice before I prompt him.

"Danny," I call.

His hand stills on the wheel but he won't look at me. "Just so… we're both clear on this, um… you'd… you'd never be under me. Not in the… not in the sense of partners."

Heat washes over me and I can only open and close my mouth in silence.

Danny lets out a breath, glancing toward me but looking away just as quickly. "I'm not a… I don't… top."

"Do we… god, do we really have to talk about this?" I ask, my voice quiet on the few words.

He lets out an embarrassed laugh, lifting one shoulder in a shrug. "I don't know… but I don't want there to be any confusion when we… when this happens."

"I kinda thought we'd just figure it out when we got there," I say, swallowing hard when he finally looks at me.

He doesn't hold my gaze for long, but I catch the tiny smile lifting one corner of his mouth. He looks away again with a small nod.

"I'm gonna take you home now. And I think it's probably best if we forget most of what happened today," he says, smiling when I laugh.

I don't think either of us are going to be able to forget about this for a long time.


We're one turn away from the apartment complex when Danny breaks the comfortable silence we've been in.

"I don't know how I'm going to look my dad in the eyes ever again," he says, looking to me with a frown when I laugh. "Oh, come on. That was bad – you know it was bad."

I shake my head but the traffic steals his attention again. "Nah. It could have been worse."

"How could it have been worse? We were both half naked and it was pretty damn obvious what was about to happen," Danny says, groaning when I laugh.

"I don't know… I just think there are a lot of people out there that wouldn't be as cool about walking in on something like that as your dad was." I meet his stare when he looks to me. And with a shrug, I say the words that I've been thinking for a while now. "I can guarantee that if it was my dad that walked in on us, it would have had a completely different ending."

Danny sucks in a breath and quickly looks away from me. He keeps his attention on the traffic, even though we're at a red light. He inches forward until he can finally turn onto the road that leads to the apartment complex.

I try to say a thousand things in the silence I've left us in. But I don't know what to say. I wasn't expecting this kind of a reaction. He's usually quick to give a sympathetic expression or offer kind words. Danny doesn't do silence with shit like this.

He turns into the parking lot and eases to a stop in one of the first empty parking spaces.

I unbuckle my seatbelt with one hand, blowing out a breath in the silence. He still doesn't say anything, so I make myself instead.

"Well… thanks for today. I had fun. Even if your dad will probably never be able to get that image out of his head," I say, going for the joke. I'm not really surprised when Danny doesn't laugh.

He keeps his stare out the window but he nods at what I'm saying. Like it's just passing commentary on the weather or some other meaningless small talk.

I know the answer, but I ask the question anyway. "Is something wrong?"

He lets out a heavy breath but he turns to look at me. Holds my stare long enough to drop a fucking bombshell on me.

"It was Blake's dad. He's the one I got the bruises from when we went to the beach."

Holy fucking shit.

"Are you serious?" I breathe.

Danny nods, shifting his gaze away from me with a shrug. "I'm sure you can put it together. Blake and I were in his room – his parents came home early… you know how that story goes."

Fuck. I don't really know how it goes, though. I wasn't dating Danny – or any guy – while I was still living with Dad. I didn't experience the whole sneaking around thing. I mean, other than a few times when Paulina would come over. But that's fucking different.

"I don't… really know what to say," I say, a shiver racing through me as Danny looks to me again. "I'm sorry, I just… fuck, I didn't think that…"

"That his parents could do something like that?" Danny asks, nodding when I do. "I didn't either. That was… actually when I found out that his parents were more than just hard on him. I thought it was just a classic case of… you know, parents just not understanding that their kid's gay. Kind of like it is with my mom now."

He blows out a breath, turning his gaze to the ceiling of his car. "But it's so much worse than that. A-And I didn't want to leave him that night but Blake, h-he… fuck. He made me go. Pushed me out the front door – stood between me and his dad."

God fucking damnit. This changes shit it has no right to change. Blake did fucked up things – Blake fucked up Danny. It's not okay. No matter what he dealt with at home, there's no excuse for what he did.

But… fuck, this sucks.

"I'm sorry," I say, feeling like a broken record with the repeated words.

Danny nods again but doesn't look in my direction. He's been carrying this around for months. Kept the secret to himself and never once even hinted at it. If Blake hadn't shown up at the lunch table with bruises a while ago, I never would've known the shit his parents were doing.

"Do you get it now?" Danny asks, looking to me in the silence. I watch his throat bob as he swallows before he continues. "Do you get why I can't just walk away from Blake?"

I do. And I also don't.

What happened to Blake was fucked up. But what he did was fucked up. It's complicated. And it's so fucking simple at the same time. I was with him last night and I don't regret that but… fuck. Why does this have to be so confusing and complicated?

"Yeah. A little," I say, erring more on the side of honesty with my answer.

Danny's smile is sad and I think he understands why I can't understand completely. It's hard – I've been in Blake's shoes with my parents. But I could never do what he did.

He reaches out toward me and I let him take my hand in his. Watch him press his lips to each of my knuckles. And I know we both know that moments like this are the only time my fist will ever touch his face.


"How can you be so sure you won't like if you haven't even tried it?"

The teasing lilt to Danny's voice has me looking his way instantly. And when I come to a stop in the hallway, he grins triumphantly, holding his cup out toward me.

When he picked me up this morning, he announced that we were going to Starbucks before school. Said something about a new drink – I should have known it was all a ploy to get me to try it, too.

I think he's trying to keep the conversation from turning to Blake. Not that I blame him – it's all I've thought about since he dropped me off yesterday.

"I'm gonna hate it," I say, taking the cup anyway.

"Just try it, you big grump," Danny says, his grin widening. "Go on. Take a sip."

I look down into the cup, making a face at what's staring back at me. I don't need the foam and chocolate shavings on top to tell me that I'm not gonna like his coffee. But I grasp the straw between my teeth and sip anyway. And about a pound of sugar explodes across my tongue.

"See? Good, isn't it?" Danny asks.

"Ew." I pass it back to him, chasing that horrid sip with a mouthful of my own coffee. The kind that's perfect with just a little sugar and cream.

Danny scoffs, taking a sip from his drink before he makes a face. "You just don't understand the subtle flavors of these artisan drinks."

"Dude, there's nothing artistic about that," I say, laughing at the disbelief in his expression. "And I think you owe me some kind of apology for that."

He laughs, coming to a stop outside his classroom. "Fine – I'm terribly sorry you have no taste." He grins as he takes another sip from his straw. "I'll see you at lunch, yeah?"

I roll my eyes and shoot a quick glance down the hall. No one's looking, so I lean close to him – press a kiss to his cheek. His face flushes that pretty pink color when I pull away.

"See you at lunch," I say, giving him a final smile before I turn around and head down the hallway.

Blake's already at his desk when I enter our classroom. He's chewing on the end of his pen, staring out the window. He's got his earbuds in his ears, bobbing his head in time to the music he's listening to. I try not to falter when I see him. But… it's hard.

He looks toward me and catches me standing next to my desk. He flicks his gaze toward me, a smile lightening the serious expression on his face.

"Hey," Blake says, popping one earbud out of his ear. "How's it going?"

I shrug, trying to shake this weirdness off as I settle down at my desk. I take a sip of coffee before I look to Blake. "Danny made me try this gross drink from Starbucks."

He laughs softly, shaking his head. "Sounds like him."

I set my cup down on the desk and lean back in my chair with a soft groan. Blake watches the movement before he takes his other earbud out, coiling the cord around his first two fingers.

"So… how'd Alex take your drunken escapade?"

I snort, shaking my head. "Not great. But you know… better than he could have, I suppose."

Blake makes a soft noise in agreement. I watch him for a second longer before I speak.

"What about your parents? How'd they take it?"

He scoffs, shaking his head as he turns his gaze away from me. "You kidding me? I'd never let them catch me doing something like that."

But you'd let them catch you with Danny.

My breath catches on my inhale and Blake looks back to me with a frown at the noise. I try to cough it out – try to voice the question but… I can't. So for a moment there, I pretend that the conversation Danny and I had never happened.

"Really? So they've… never caught you doing anything like that?" I ask, holding his stare in the silence. I wonder if he gets what I'm really asking.

Blake holds my stare for only a few seconds before he looks away with a shake of his head. "Okay, sure. They've caught me… doing stuff in the past. But that was before I learned how to do this without being a dumbass about it." He pauses there, his gaze shifting out the window. "I don't make a habit of being caught."

I open my mouth to ask him about it – or how he keeps it quiet or fucking something that'll lead to him telling me about what happened with Danny. But our teacher steps in and I lose the chance to ask him anything.


Blake and I barely talk through chemistry – paying more attention to our joint project instead. Especially when Nathan Lester, sitting two chairs behind us, accidentally burns a hole through one of his gloves. His panicked scream is probably forever burned in everyone's memory.

And over lunch, most of the conversation revolves around the winter formal – which is fast approaching and I still need some kind of tux for it. Damn. I need to ask Alex if he has one I can borrow.

I almost fall asleep in my Lit class but I manage to take some decent notes. Dale doesn't – falls asleep next to me ten minutes into the class. And when the bell rouses him, he merely gives me a grin, saying that Mitch kept him up half the night. Ugh.

"Hey, stranger," Danny greets me at the doorway to our English class.

I can't hold back the grin on my face. And I ache to close the distance between us and press my lips to his. But people are milling about in the hall and coming in and out of the classroom. So I capture his pinky with mine and gently squeeze his.

He smiles, biting his lower lip as he squeezes my pinky in return. "How's your day been?"

I shrug, letting him lead me into the classroom. "Not bad. I think I'm gonna fail my History test on Friday, though…"

"Oh?" Danny asks, turning around with a grin. "Since when did you acquire this new future telling skill?"

I roll my eyes but I can't help but smile. "You know what I mean."

He sinks down in one of the desks on the front row, waiting until I sit next to him before he speaks. "Do you want help studying?"

"I don't know… but hey, that reminds me. Can you look over my math homework?" I ask, unzipping my backpack when he nods. I thumb through my books until I find my algebra book.

He takes it from me, flipping to the spot my pencil's still tucked into. I gave up halfway on a problem Sunday night and Danny's gaze zeroes in on that.

"I just… I couldn't make it make sense. Not like you do," I say.

He gives me a soft, gentle smile before drifting his gaze back to the page. "Okay… you actually got a couple of these right. But you need to finish these last three."

Danny slides the book from his desk to mine. "Start here," he says, pointing his finger to a problem before he shifts away.

I look over the problem again – the one I stopped on last night – and Danny leans closer again, holding a pencil of his own now.

"Okay, you're almost halfway to the answer here so… finish that subtraction," he says, pointing with the pencil to the place where I stopped.

I pick up my pencil from the page, letting out a soft sigh. "I was kind of hoping you'd just… correct my wrong answers for me," I say, turning to him with a sheepish grin.

Danny raises one eyebrow, shaking his head. "Now how would that help you? Come on, you can do this."

I groan but turn my gaze back to the page anyway. He only manages to help me finish that one problem and rework the first one before Mr. Lancer steps inside the classroom.

"Quiet, please," Mr. Lancer calls out as he sets out a few folders on top of his desk.

I lean away from Danny, closing my math book as Mr. Lancer starts talking about the book we're supposed to start reading for an essay due Monday. But I read Great Expectations last summer so… I'll probably just refresh my memory with a quick Google search before I write the essay this weekend.

My attention drifts throughout the class but Danny's taking diligent notes next to me – I make a mental note to take a picture of his when he drives me home.

When the bell rings, Danny turns to me with a smile. "You want to come by my place after school and study for that history test?"

I let out a breath, rising from my chair. I start gathering up my books with a shrug. "Maybe, I don't know… I think Alex is-"

"Mr. Baxter, could you hang back a moment?" Mr. Lancer asks, his back to me as he erases the whiteboard.

I look from his back to Danny who merely shrugs.

He stands from his own chair, shouldering his backpack. "I'll wait for you in the hall."

I glance toward the clock on the wall before shaking my head, looking back at Danny. "No, just get to your class. I'll see you later, yeah?"

"Sure." He gives me a smile – accompanied with another pinky squeeze – before he steps away and starts out of the classroom.

Mr. Lancer keeps his focus on cleaning up his desk and putting things away. I finish gathering my books and shoulder my backpack. And when the room is empty save for me and him, he finally turns to face me.

He looks up at me, offering a smile. "Have you ever given a thought to a career in English?"

What?

I blink, my mouth opening and closing twice before I speak. "Uhh… I'm sorry… what?"

Mr. Lancer chuckles softly, folding his arms over his chest. "You write very well, Dash. Over winter break I took the liberty of passing on a few of your papers to a friend of mine – a professor at Elmerton University."

"You did?" I ask, my voice coming out quiet.

"Mmhm." Mr. Lancer leans back against the whiteboard, a small smile on his face. "She thinks with a little fine-tuning, you could pursue a career in creative writing. Or journalism. But personally, I think you're more suited for creative writing."

"I… don't really know what to say." I look from him to the open door when the bell rings.

Mr. Lancer makes a soft noise, pushing away from the white board. "I can write you up a pass. But before you go, I wanted to loan you this."

He opens one of his desk drawers, rifling through it for a moment. "I just saw it in here… I must have – ah, here it is."

Mr. Lancer pulls a book from the drawer, looking at the cover with a smile before looking up at me. "You've read Great Expectations, haven't you?"

"Yeah, I read it last summer," I say.

He nods, leaning forward to hold the book out toward me. "What about this one?"

I close the distance between us enough to take the book from him. The front cover has a silhouette of someone standing with their arms outstretched, face turned to the sky.

Out of the Blue – huh… I've never even heard of it. Or the author.

I shake my head, looking up at Mr. Lancer. "No… I haven't read this."

He smiles, nodding once. "Right. Well… give it a read and let me know what you think."

"Do you want me to… " I glance from him to the book and back again. "Write an essay about it or something?"

He shrugs, clasping his hands behind his back. "Only if you finish it. If you start it and don't want to finish it, then feel free to stop it. I just think you'll enjoy it."

"Oh." I look down at the book again with a nod. "Okay. Then uh… thanks. I'll… let you know what I think."

"Sounds good – let me write you that pass," he says, already in the process of writing it when I look up from the book.

I wait while he finishes writing it and take it when he holds it out to me. "Thanks."

"Of course, of course. And hey – don't worry about writing the essay for Great Expectations. Unless you want to," he says, nodding when I shrug. "Alright. Go on to your class, then."

As I start out of his classroom, I flip the book over, reading the back cover. I definitely haven't read this – or anything like it. I wonder why he gave it to me…

I stop outside my algebra class and drop the book into my backpack, not entirely sure if I'll read that or not. It kind of hinges on if I somehow survive math.


My last class lets out early so I beat the mad rush to the door unlike most days. I leave the building and wait near the doors for Danny.

The door opens after a few minutes and though I recognize the guy coming out, it's not Danny.

"Hey," I call out to Blake, raising my hand in a wave when he looks my way.

He responds with a smile, jogging down the last few steps. "Hey… you need a ride?" he asks, crossing the few feet between us.

I shake my head. "Nah. Just waiting on Danny."

Blake's eyebrows furrow together when he frowns. "Isn't he decorating the gym again?"

"Fuck, I forgot about that," I say, biting back the groan as I tug my phone from my pocket. "I'll text him."

"Okay. You wanna sit? My car's right behind you," Blake says, gesturing toward a few parking spaces not far from where we're standing.

I give a shrug but follow behind him when he starts forward. I shoot off the text before putting my phone away in my back pocket.

Blake sits down on the trunk of his carand leans back with a sigh. I sit next to him, my heels against his bumper.

"Damn… today was a long day," he says, his eyes closed when I look toward him.

I nod, even though he can't see me. I keep thinking about that conversation with Mr. Lancer – have been through my last two periods. But I still don't know why he chose my papers to send along to his professor friend.

Blake's got his eyes open again, his gaze drifting around the parking lot when I look at him.

I hesitate for a second longer before I speak. "Hey, the weirdest thing happened earlier. I was in English and-"

He sits upright on the hood, letting out a low breath. "Hold that thought… hot guy, 2 o'clock."

"What?" I ask, following his gaze out into the parking lot. I don't see a guy – there's just a group of people hanging out by someone's car. And they're mainly girls.

Blake groans softly next to me. "Guys on bikes… damn, they always do something to me."

Wait

"Whoa, you mean Nik?" I ask, turning to him.

His face is red and he lets out a soft breath. "What? You… you know him?"

"Yeah, I know him. You've met him before – he came up to me at lunch a couple days ago," I say, unable to hold back the grin when his flush deepens. "Why? You wanna re-meet him?"

Blake looks up at me, shaking his head. "No way. I'm not in-"

"Yo, Nik!" I call across the parking lot.

"Dash!" Blake calls, diving for me – attempting to cover my mouth with his hand. I push him away with one hand, cupping the other around my mouth and repeating my call.

Nik looks up from his bike and gives a wave in my direction. When I motion for him to come over, he tucks his helmet under his arm and starts heading in our direction.

Blake scrambles away from me, sitting up straighter on the hood of his car now. He won't look at me but I can feel the daggers he wants to shoot my way as Nik approaches.

"Hey, how's it going?" Nik greets me, holding out his fist for a bump.

I press my knuckles to his, trying to disguise the grin I can still feel on my face. "Going good. How about you?"

He shrugs, sliding his hands into his back pockets. "Can't complain, I suppose."

That chases some of the grin away. "Is something wrong?"

"Hopefully not." Nik won't meet my gaze when I look at him. But I get the feeling he doesn't want this conversation to continue. He looks to Blake, nodding in his direction. "Hey. Blake, right – that's what you go by?"

Blake's face is pink when I look at him but he nods. "Yeah, that's me. You, uh… Dash said you're Nik?"

"The one and only," Nik says, a hint of a smile crossing his face. It doesn't reach his eyes.

Blake clears his throat softly, nodding behind Nik. "Nice bike."

"Right? It's a beauty," Nik says, turning to look at it over his shoulder. A faint smile plays on his features as he stares at the motorcycle. He turns back to us with that same soft smile on his face. "You want to take a spin on it?"

Blake's face flushes darker. "Wh-What?"

Nik holds out the helmet towards Blake. "I'm an excellent driver."

Blake looks from Nik down to the helmet. He sinks his teeth into his bottom lip – a sure sign that he's seriously considering this. But in the end, he shakes his head.

Nik lifts one shoulder in a shrug, tucking the helmet under his arm again. "Maybe next time, then." He looks from Blake to me with a smile. "I'll see you later."

When he holds his fist out toward me again, I bump my knuckles against his. He starts away from us and Blake waits until he's out of earshot before he speaks.

"God, I could kill you for that," he says, his face still pink.

I can't help the grin on my face, but I stow the teasing for a minute. "Hey, what did he mean when he said… that's what you go by?"

He doesn't respond immediately - his gaze on Nik as he leaves. When Nik gets on his motorcycle, he gives us a final wave before starting the engine up with a deep rumble.

Blake's flush has lessened a little when he looks at me. He hesitates a moment before shrugging. "Blake's my middle name."

"What? For real?"

He nods, shifting his gaze away from me. "Yeah, my first name's Joseph. But who the hell would ever go by that?"

"Are you serious?" I ask, at a loss for words when he nods again. "But how… I mean, didn't you…"

"All my school forms and documents have my first name down for legal reasons and shit, but I have it all labeled that I prefer Blake," he says, lifting one shoulder in a shrug before he looks at me again. "It's not a big deal."

No… I suppose it's not. Just surprising, I guess.

"How does… how does Nik know that's your middle name, then?" I ask.

Blake lifts his shoulder in a shrug. "I don't know. Jeff might've mentioned it to him – he's… one of Derek's friends, right? Star's younger brother?"

I nod, watching as he returns the nod before I speak. "So you're like-"

"What were you saying about English class?" Blake interrupts me with, the expression on his face clear that he's changing the subject.

I look away from him, not entirely sure that I want to talk about it now. But he waits in silence until I finally speak.

"It's nothing, I just… Mr. Lancer just… asked me if I've ever considered a career in English." I look to him with a shrug. "I don't know, it was kind of… weird."

Blake shakes his head. "Nah, that's not weird. What'd you tell him?"

"I said… I don't know, I've never really thought about it, you know?" I say, dropping my stare to the pavement when he nods. "I don't know, could you honestly see me majoring in English at some college?"

"Yeah, I definitely could," he says, shrugging when I look at him. "I told you before, your papers are good."

"Yeah, Mr. Lancer told me that he sent a paper of mine off to some professor friend of his," I say, my face flushing with the words. I look away from Blake, palming the back of my neck. "I don't know."

"Hey, that sounds great. I'm assuming his friend liked your papers?" Blake asks.

I lift one shoulder in a shrug. "I guess? He said that she-"

Across the parking lot, at the entry doors, I catch sight of Danny coming down the stairs. The thought of him overhearing me right now sends a jolt through my system.

"Uh… hang on. I'll tell you later," I say, glancing toward Blake.

He nods with a frown, his gaze drifting toward Danny now, too. Blake doesn't say anything as Danny approaches us, but I stand from the hood of his car.

"Hey, you," Danny greets me with, grinning as he comes to a stop in front of me. He glances past me, at Blake, still grinning. "Hey, Blake."

I clear my throat softly, earning Danny's attention. "So you never answered my text. Are you working on the gym today?"

Danny's gaze flicks back to me, this hint of mischief in his eyes. "Yeah, I am. But you can help if you want."

"Meh," I say.

Danny laughs softly, placing his hand on my chest. "Okay, scratch you from the list of people that enjoy manual labor."

"Hey, it's not about-"

"You need a ride home?" Blake interrupts me with the question. He holds my gaze when I look toward him. "I don't mind giving you a lift."

I glance toward Danny, who shrugs one shoulder. I watch his expression for a second longer before I turn back to Blake.

"Sure. Let me walk Danny back inside first," I say, stepping away from Blake's car when he nods.

Danny's silent as we walk up to the front doors. It's only when we reach the top step that I break the silence.

"Are you sure you're okay with this?" I ask.

He turns back to me with a frown. "What? Him driving you home?"

I shake my head, bumping my fingers against his in the silence. "Not just today. I mean… the two of us, hanging out again."

He shrugs again, but I need an answer. Not a maybe or an "I don't know."

"Danny," I say, waiting until he meets my gaze before I take his hand. "If you say it's a problem, then I won't. I don't want… you know I'd never do anything to hurt you."

He nods, squeezing my hand gently. "I know – and it's not a problem. I want to be friends with him again." Danny looks up at me with a smile. I feel like I'm imagining the hesitation in his expression – but I'm not willing to risk it.

"I'll wait until you're ready," I say, letting go of his hand. "Let me get my backpack and hang with you in the gym instead."

He grabs my hand before I can leave. "Why? I told you it's not a problem."

"Danny. You think I can't tell when you're lying?" I ask.

"I'm not lying." Danny holds my stare for a few seconds before he lets out an exasperated sigh. "Okay, fine. Here's the thing… you being around him is actually helping. Cause…"

He shakes his head, squeezing my hand before he continues. "Okay, I know Blake's different now – I see it, hear it every time we talk. So I know that now… he'd never do what he did then. But… knowing that you'll be there either way… it doesn't hurt."

I get what he's saying – or more or less, not saying.

"Okay… so… I'll see you tomorrow, then?" I ask, squeezing his hand in mine again when he nods. I glance over my shoulder but no one's looking at us - not even Blake. So I press a quick kiss to his cheek before I take a step backward down the stairs. "Call me later?"

Danny gives me a smile and when he pulls his hand from mine, he blows me a kiss in the air. And it's so fucking cute, I can't keep the grin off my face as I cross the parking lot back to Blake's car.

He looks up from his phone, raising one eyebrow in question.

I nod to his car in response. "Are you taking me home or what?"

A smile breaks the hesitant expression on Blake's face and he rises from the hood of his car with a nod. "Yeah… yeah, I am."

We get into his car and Blake backs out of the parking space, joining the never ending line of people waiting to get out of the parking lot. He buckles his seatbelt with one hand before he glances in my direction.

"So, Danny's cool with this, huh?"

His eyes are back on the parking lot when I look toward him.

"Yeah, he is." I continue when he nods in silence. "You know I wouldn't be sitting here if he wasn't."

Blake lets out a breath, easing forward in the line. "Yeah, I know."

"Then why'd you ask?"

He looks in my direction but his gaze doesn't linger long. When he looks back to the road, he only gives me a shrug in response.

"That's not an answer," I say.

"What are you – the response police?" he asks, looking toward me again. He holds my gaze this time. "Look, I just asked, alright? I'm trying to make conversation."

Weird way to make conversation – asking shit you already know the answer to…

I decide not to be a dick about it. "Okay, fine. Then… how were your classes?"

"Fine," he says, cutting off somebody in a Honda as he eases forward in the line. "What about yours? You were telling me something about Mr. Lancer and your English class?"

"Oh, right. Yeah, he just… he sent some of my papers to a professor at Elmerton University and apparently she liked them. Said I could go into journalism or creative writing as my major in college." I shrug when Blake looks toward me. "I… I don't know that I will. But it's nice to hear that could be an option."

We're at the edge of the parking lot now and Blake concentrates on getting us out of it. He pulls onto the main road before he speaks.

"Elemerton U is a big deal," he says, keeping his eyes on the road as he drives. "Did you tell anyone about this yet?"

"Just you. A-And… I'd like it to stay that way for a while," I say.

That earns his attention immediately. He looks to me with a frown and I let out a breath before he can ask.

"I just… I don't know. I'm not entirely sure that he's got the right guy. He could've grabbed someone else's paper and just… thought it was mine," I say, turning away from the expression on Blake's face. "You don't get it."

"Actually, I do. You've always thought that you're shit academically but you're not." Blake continues at my silence. "I know it's a stereotype that athletes suck at school but it doesn't hold any water. Your papers are incredible, Dale has the best math scores of anyone I know, and I could ace any class I wanted to."

"Really? You can ace any class?" I'm sure the disbelief rings clear in my tone.

He looks to me at that, giving me a nod before the road demands his attention again. "Yes. I've always been good at school. I attended a private school before my parents moved to Amity Park."

"Private school doesn't mean you're any smarter than anyone else," I say. "And when'd you move here again? Like third grade, right?"

"Summer before sixth grade."

I blow out a breath. "So private school. Let me guess, you were top of your class, right? Aced every test?"

"Yes." Blake comes to a stop at a red light. He doesn't look at me and the silence stretches between us.

I feel like I'm picking at him – like I'm barraging him with a mountain of questions just because I'm curious. I've been on the receiving end of that far too many times and… I shouldn't do it to someone else.

"Sorry, you don't have to tell me anything," I say.

Blake tilts his head but still doesn't look toward me. "Why are you sorry?"

"I don't know. You didn't offer to drive me home just to play twenty questions. I wasn't… trying to be nosy."

His eyebrows draw down and I look away from him in the silence. He drives for a few minutes like that, the running heat the only sound between us.

"You weren't being nosy. It's just who you are – you ask questions because you want to know how people are doing. And that's not a bad thing."

Blake looks to me when he eases the car to a stop at a red light. He lifts one shoulder in a shrug.

"Yeah, but… still," I mumble, dropping my gaze from his.

He lets out a quiet breath but doesn't leave us in silence like I expected. "So… you're moving soon, aren't you? With Alex and his girlfriend – you mentioned something about it the other day, right?"

"Yeah, I am. I mean, we are," I say, continuing when he nods. "This weekend actually."

He nods again. "Cool. You guys need any help with the move?"

I know Danny said he'd help – and I know I can probably force Kwan to come help me, too. And… Anastasia and Chuck are coming, Tatiana, too… we probably don't need any more help.

"Sure," I say anyway, nodding when he glances my way. "I'm sure it's gonna be crazy and hectic so… if you wanna come by, I'll text you the address."

Blake eases up on the gas, making a turn into the apartment complex parking lot. He navigates between the cars, only speaking when he comes to a stop in front of the building.

"Alright, I'll come by for a couple hours then." He looks to me at that, his eyebrows drawing down a little. "Unless… there's any reason I shouldn't come."

His eyes and my heart say Danny. But I know what Danny would want me to do right now.

"Nope. Can't think of one," I say, opening up his car door. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Blake's stare lingers on me and I know he wants to say something. But whatever he's thinking, he holds back, giving me a simple nod instead.

I get out of his car and swing my backpack onto my shoulders. When I shut his car door, he turns his stare away from me. I walk backward a few paces until I reach the stairs. I give him a wave and he returns it with another nod before he pulls away from the curb and starts away from me.

I watch him go for a few seconds, wondering what I've just set myself up for. Wondering how this weekend's really gonna go.

I don't need it to be a perfect weekend – I just need it to not end in bloody knuckles and the anxiety I know better than my own name.


I'm restless that night - Alex and Kendra have already gone to bed. I'm laying on the couch but I can't make myself fall asleep.

Danny's been texting me for the past hour but his last text was over twenty minutes ago. Pretty sure I'm the only one left awake now.

After I scroll Facebook and send a few Snapchats, I get up from the couch. Clearly sleep isn't happening yet. I've barely taken two steps away from the couch when my foot collides with something solid.

"Shit," I hiss out, trying to keep my voice down – I don't want to disturb Alex or Kendra. Fuck, that hurt.

My backpack's the offending toe-stubber, lying open on its side - my textbooks and shit spewed out onto the floor. I crouch down to push it all back inside but one book's shorter than the rest and it tumbles out onto the carpet.

I flip the book over and it takes me a second to recognize the front cover. Oh, right… Lancer's book. I turn the book to the back again and read over what it's about. Doesn't sound too thrilling but… hey, maybe it'll knock me out.

I zip my backpack closed and flop down on the couch again. Judging from the first sentence, it shouldn't take me long to fall asleep to this.


"…waking up this century? Dash - are you listening to me?" Alex's voice drifts to me from somewhere close by.

My eyes flutter open for a second before they fall closed again. Too bright… too cold.

"Hey, that's your alarm," Alex says - his voice closer this time. He's shaking my leg and it's harder to ignore him now. And there's a sound in the background now - some kind of a jingling, repetitive sound. Where have I heard that before?

I groan and roll over to face the back of the couch. My cheek presses into something hard and I blink open an eye to see what it is. I can't read the words from how close it is to my face but I realize with a start that it's the book I was reading last night.

Shit, I was almost finished with it - I guess I must have fallen asleep.

My phone stops the jingling alarm and I glance in the direction it was coming from. Alex holds my phone out toward me. "Come on, get up and I'll make you some breakfast."

I'd rather just go back to sleep but my mind's already waking up - trying to piece together the last scene I read in that book. Alex waits a moment longer beside the couch, maybe to see if I'm gonna roll over again, before he moves into the kitchen.

After a few seconds of listening to the clattering dishes in the kitchen, I push the covers from my body and sit up.

I dress quickly in the chill of the apartment, throwing on the faded hoodie Alex loaned me ages ago. When the couch no longer looks like my bed, I sink down on one end and thumb through the book - searching for where I stopped last night.

I find the page I stopped on and reread the last few paragraphs, easily sinking back into the story. The apartment disappears around me - and suddenly it's me standing in this character's house. Experiencing exactly what they are. I can picture myself saying the same things, reacting the same way. And the tension's building, my own heart thundering in my chest at the words hurled on the page, like it's me in this situation. Like I'm the one who-

"Hey, are you coming?" Alex is standing at the edge of the living room when I look up. There's a small frown creasing his features - his eyebrows pulled together. "I called you three times - your breakfast's done."

Oh, right… breakfast.

I dog-ear the corner of the page but I carry the book to the table with me. Alex is still at the stove, stirring something in a silver pot on the front burner.

I was kind of expecting eggs again but this is something new. It's a bowl of some kind of… something? It looks vaguely like oatmeal. Smells fucking incredible

"What is this?" I ask as I settle at the table. I pick up the spoon he left for me and stir what's in my bowl.

Alex glances toward me for a second before his attention is back on the stove. "Avena – Mexican oatmeal." He looks my way again with a nod. "Try it, it's good."

I look down at the bowl again and scoop up a spoonful. And holy shit, it is good. I've had oatmeal before but… fuck, nothing like this.

"You like?" Alex asks, smiling when I nod. He turns his stare back to the stove and I down a few more bites before I shift my stare down to my book again. I open it and unfold the corner of the page I'm on, re-reading the last paragraph I stopped on.

Everything around me fades away again. I'm distantly aware of the soft sounds of Alex cooking and I hear when Kendra comes into the kitchen. But this book has most of my attention - the story completely pulling me in.

"Dash? Are you hearing me?"

It's Kendra this time - I look up from the last few pages of the book, my heart thrumming in time with the main character's. It takes me a few seconds to register what she's said.

"Sorry - what did you say?" I ask.

Kendra smiles softly, her gaze darting to the book I'm still holding open with one hand. "Your phone - it's vibrated three times."

Shit.

I flip the book over, keeping my place as I unlock my phone. Three unread texts from Danny stare back at me.

From: Danny

Leaving my place now, sorry running late

Can't wait to see you

Two red lights away

I send back a simple heart emoji before clicking my phone screen off. Before I have a chance to flip the book open again, Alex speaks.

"You need to eat more than that before you go," Alex says, frowning when I glance at him. "What book is that anyway? You've been glued to it all morning."

I feel my face flush as I fold down the corner and close the book with a shrug. "Nothing. Just something for my English class."

"Last minute cramming?" Kendra asks with a smile.

"Something like that," I mumble, resuming my food shoveling in the silence. Damn – this is really good oatmeal. Way better than the packaged stuff that Mom always gave me growing up.

My phone vibrates and I hear it this time. It's Danny again – telling me he's in the parking lot. I text back quickly.

To: Danny

I'm almost finished getting ready. Wanna come up?

I scrape the last of my oatmeal into my spoon and shove the bite in my mouth before I stand, taking my bowl with me. My phone vibrates on the table when I return - a short response from Danny.

From: Danny

No.

Oh, jeez… something must have happened. I read over his text twice before deciding on not responding. I'll see him in a minute – I'd rather ask about it in person.

"I'm gonna… brush my teeth," I say, taking my phone and the book with me as I go.

I only have a few pages left of it so I hold the book open with one hand and brush my teeth with the other. I get lost in those last few pages - all the poignant words the character's story closes with. And at the end, when it's over and I'm coming back to reality - it's like I'm still in that ending. Still reliving it, enough though I've got the book tucked in my back pocket now.

I wash my face, my mind racing over that ending again and again. It's like I was there - I felt everything he was feeling. And god, it was incredible. And it's knocked things loose in me that I thought I'd tightly screwed down. Dreams and ideas I had as a kid - things Dad made sure to pound out of me. But… maybe they're not as far gone as I thought.

When I'm finished in the bathroom, I drop the book into my backpack and throw on my jacket.

"Here," Alex says, coming to me in the foyer with two travel mugs. "Have a good day at school."

"Thanks," I say, giving him a smile as I take the coffees from him. He opens the front door for me and I carefully carry the coffees down the stairs and over to Danny's car.

I balance one cup against my arm to open his car door. His gaze is set out the driver's side window when I get in. His hair's damp, stray droplets of water on the hood of the jacket he's still wearing.

"Did it rain this morning?" I ask, settling down in my seat. I flick my stare toward him just in time to see him shake his head.

Hmm… no rain. Late shower?

I fit my cup in one of the empty cup holders and place his in the one next to mine. I start to tell him that I brought coffee for him – but he's still got his gaze out the window. Like he's afraid to look at me.

"It's cold today," I say, the words feeling lame on the way out. Every day's cold in Amity Park.

Danny nods, finally turning his gaze away from the window. When he looks to me, it's with a smile - and it doesn't seem as forced as I thought it would.

"You… doing okay?" I ask.

He shrugs one shoulder before he turns his gaze out the windshield again. I buckle my seatbelt as he backs out of the parking lot, heading down the main road to school. He doesn't say anything for several minutes. And I don't break the silence, all the words too twisted up inside my chest to speak.

"You're quiet today," Danny remarks, after a few minutes of silent driving.

I clear my throat, shaking my head when he looks to me. "Sorry, I'm just… thinking."

Danny coasts to a stop at a red light, turning to me with a gentle smile. "About good things?"

I nod, waiting until his gaze shifts away from me before I ask. "How's… how's your morning been?"

"Not the greatest." He keeps his gaze out the windshield but I don't miss the tightening of the skin around his eyes.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" I ask, waiting a split second before I continue. "You don't have to."

He lets out a breath. "It's just my mom - it's always my mom."

"What'd she do?"

He groans, leaning his head back against the headrest of the driver's seat for a second. But when the light changes, he rights himself - his grip tightening around the steering wheel as he talks.

"I took a shower this morning and I left my phone in my bedroom to charge a little and she… god, she went through it. Read the texts we've sent each other."

My heart jolts in my chest and for half a panicked second, that selfish part of me flares to life. Cause all I can think about is me - all the things I've shared with him. Things I thought would stay between us. Stay private.

That selfish part of me wants to ask what she saw about me. But… this is Danny's mom. No matter what she saw about me, this is about him.

He turns into the parking lot of the school and I finally speak.

"Are you okay?"

He shakes his head, a dry laugh spilling from him. "No, are you kidding me? She confronted me when I got out of the shower and demanded to know if we were dating. She wouldn't back down, wouldn't shut up until I told her the truth."

He coasts his car into a parking space and I wait until he's parked before I ask the question.

"You told her we're together?" I ask, continuing when he nods. "I'm assuming she didn't take it well."

Danny lets out a sigh. He unbuckles his seatbelt, turning to face me. "It's not that - I knew that was coming eventually. But it was… it's like she forced it out of me, you know?"

I nod, even though I'm not sure I understand. But I want to.

"Talk to me," I say, continuing when he stays silent. "Tell me how that fucked you up - what it made you feel."

Danny groans softly, leaning his head back to stare at the ceiling of his car. He stays like that for a few minutes - the only sound between us the hum of his car's heater. But after those few minutes, he looks at me again. Meets my gaze. And neither heaven nor hell could stop him now.

"It's like she made me confess it. Like it was something to be shameful of - like this beautiful thing we have should be something I keep hidden." His bottom lip trembles on the words but he doesn't stop there, tears brimming in his eyes as he speaks. "And yeah, Dad made her back off but the thing is - that's the way she is. That's the way she sees this. That you and I should be kept a secret, that no one should ever know her son is gay."

He shakes his head, looking away from me as a shuddering breath leaves him. "And the fucked up part is… I see how she got there. I fucking understand her and I hate it."

I'm in the dark – I don't know how he can understand. "What do you mean? How do you understand her?"

Danny lets out a sigh as he meets my gaze again. "I know she thinks of me with a guy and all… all she can picture is Blake."

I drop my gaze from his with a nod, trying to understand the things this must bring up for him, too.

"We both know you're nothing like he was to me then. But… I know that she can only see my relationships as a potential to turn into what that was." Danny falls silent for a second before he leans back against his car door and continues. "My therapist says my mom acts this way because she's trying to protect me. Because she feels guilty for not protecting me then."

"Do you agree?" I ask, looking up at him now.

His expression is equal parts anger and misery. And when he sniffles quietly, he takes a piece of my heart.

"Yeah, I think I do," Danny says, his voice barely above a whisper on the words. He slouches down in his seat, drawing his knees up to his chest. And in this moment, he looks so small. So breakable. How could his mom ever say the shit she does to him?

"I'm sorry you're going through this," I say, the words feeling weak on the way out. They're not enough to ease the hurt in Danny's chest - I see it in the expression on his face. But they're all I have to give. And for once, I know I have to let that be enough.


My classes fly by - and other than a broken beaker in chem lab, it's fairly uneventful. Until English class.

I jog to the classroom to get there before anyone else does. When I come to a stop in the hall, it's only Mr. Lancer inside. I unzip my backpack with one hand, digging through it as I step into the classroom.

"Hey, Mr. L," I call.

He raises his stare from the paper he's reading, his eyebrows drawn together. His expression clears when he sees me. "Mr. Baxter, hello."

"I thought you'd want this back," I say, pulling the paperback from my bag.

Mr. Lancer's stare shifts from me to the book. His smile dims just a little as he nods. "You didn't enjoy it, I take?"

"No, I did. I just finished it already, so… I thought I'd return it to you," I say, shrugging.

He meets my gaze, quirking one eyebrow upward. "You read it? All of it?"

"Yeah." I nod but he doesn't seem convinced. "I think that Cole was kind of an idiot for most of the book. But that ending… I mean, there really wasn't any other way to tie up his story, was there? Between moving back in with his girlfriend and finally seeing his parents for the first time in years? It was just… It was really well done."

That suspicion disappears from Mr. Lancer's expression. "I agree with you on the ending. But I'm curious what you thought of the theme - what stood out to you as one central message in the novel?"

I blow out a breath, shaking my head. "Isn't it like… grief sucks but that's not an excuse for shitty behavior?"

Mr. Lancer smiles, a quiet laugh escaping him. "That's not how I would word it - but yes, essentially." He drops the paperback onto his desk, clasping his hands together and resting them on top of the book. "So you enjoyed it, then?"

"Yeah, I did. Were you… I mean, did you want me to write a report about it?" I ask, half-hoping he says no.

He's quick to nod. "Actually, yes. I'd like it if you would write an essay on it - just tell me what you thought of it. I'm curious as to how you'll put your thoughts into words. Can you have that to me by Friday?"

"Sure," I say, continuing when he smiles. "How many pages should it be?"

Mr. Lancer frowns, shaking his head. "There's no minimum, Mr. Baxter. However much or little you feel like writing about this book is fine with me." He continues when I nod. "Would you like another book to read?"

"Yeah, sure."

He gives me a smile before unfolding his hands and opening his top drawer. He lets out a breath as he rifles through the books he has stacked in the top drawer. I lean forward just a little, catching a glimpse of one of the books. The green cover depicts a young girl with blonde hair, sitting in what looks like grass - surrounded by flowers and trees.

"Ah, here we are." Mr. Lancer's voice pulls my attention away. He holds out another paperback toward me. "I think you'll enjoy this one. I think you'll find yourself connecting with the protagonists journey on this one."

"Cool, cool. I'll give it a shot," I say, looking at the doorway when someone steps inside. It's not anyone I know so I look back to Mr. Lancer. "Same thing with this one - an essay when I've finished it?"

Mr. Lancer nods just as the bell rings. So I return the nod before moving to my desk. I turn my stare out the window, thinking over the ending of that book again. I don't know why Lancer's taken a sudden closer look at me and my work but… I have this feeling that this could be the start of something good.

I've never considered English as a career before but… then again, I used to never consider anything as a career outside of the garage. I know I want to play ball in college but… I could major in English, too. I think I might like that – even if I am holding my breath, waiting to see if Mr. Lancer's made some mistake by taking a closer look at me.


Penelope lets out a little sigh as I play yet another draw 4 card on her. Why she chose Uno to play in today's therapy appointment, I'll never know. Cause she sucks.

"You really suck at this game." I grin at the exasperated look on her face. "And don't give me that bull about this being a game of luck. This is pure skill over here."

She rolls her eyes but a smile tugs at her expression. "Alright, alright. I concede." She draws the four cards and plays a turn before looking up at me. "So you were saying you're going to be busy this weekend?"

"Oh yeah," I say, unable to keep the smile off my face. "So tonight's the Winter Formal at school. And I usually wouldn't give a fuck about school functions. But like… it's my first school dance with Danny."

Penelope makes a soft noise. "Danny's your boyfriend, correct?"

"Yeah. My boyfriend," I say, a little too obsessed with the way it sounds. God, I love calling him that.

"I see. Are you nervous?" she asks.

I shake my head but almost immediately shrug after. "I mean, I guess a little. I don't want to do anything to screw this up…"

"How would you screw it up?" Penelope asks, continuing when I shrug again. "What exactly is it you're afraid of doing?"

"I don't know. And it doesn't really matter," I say, palming the back of my neck as I let out a breath. I direct the conversation elsewhere before she can ask me about it again. "Anyway, I uhh… I wanted to pick him up and drive him there but my car's still in the shop so he's picking me up instead. Which… I guess is fine."

Penelope leans back in her chair. "Why is your car in the shop?"

I look up at that, my breath catching in my throat for a split second. "Oh, uh… I was… I was in an accident… a few, um… few weeks ago."

She raises one eyebrow, wearing an unmistakable "I call bullshit" expression.

I swallow hard and decide to give her the truth - even though my voice quivers just a little. "Alright, fine, it wasn't exactly an accident. I uh… my dad tried to… run me off the road."

"Really?" Penelope asks, surprise clear in her tone. Her eyebrows rise. "When was this?"

"A while ago," I say, lifting one shoulder in a shrug. "Right before Christmas, actually."

She nods, her lips pursed as her gaze drifts around the office. "I see. And does Alex know about this?"

"Yeah, he does. I called him after it happened," I say, continuing when she nods again. "I mean not immediately after but… later that night, I called him and told him."

Penelope shifts her gaze from the bookshelf she's been staring at to meet my gaze instead. "What did you do before you called him?"

I drop my stare from hers, drawing in a breath slowly. "You mean after I pulled over, completely freaking the fuck out?" I look up at her with the question but she merely nods. "I uh… I called Danny."

"You did?" she asks, one eyebrow raised. I can't tell if that's a good expression or not.

I nod, swallowing hard. "Yeah, I did. This was before we were dating, though. We were just friends at that point."

"Ahh… and you started dating after this happened?" Penelope asks, nodding when I do. "Okay, I see. That makes sense."

"What makes sense?" I ask, trying to keep the defense from my tone. Something about the expression on her face tells me she caught it anyway.

She watches me for a moment longer before lifting her shoulder in a shrug. "He makes you feel safe."

What? She got all that from a stupid phone call?

Penelope nods in the silence before leaning back in her chair. "Often times victims of abuse will gravitate toward someone that makes them feel safe. It makes sense why you would want a relationship with him."

"I'm not with Danny because he makes me feel safe," I say, not caring if the defense is in my tone now. I like Danny. I'm not using him. I'm not Mom.

She gives a nod but it's slow. Unconvinced. "Why are you with him then? What attracted you to want a deeper relationship with him?"

"Because he's kind. And one of the smartest fucking people I've ever met," I say, my pulse pounding in my ears as I talk. "Because he takes all the shit the world could ever throw at him and he just owns it. He doesn't lay down and take it - he fights it or makes it his own or fucking whatever he needs to do to keep going. To make it through to the other side and he somehow always manages to be a good person. Better than I could ever be and I haven't been through half the shit he has."

Penelope makes a soft noise. "What makes you think that? That he's a better person than you are?"

I lift one shoulder in a shrug. "I don't know. He just is. He stays kind and he's…"

She waits a few seconds, waiting to see if I'm going to continue my thought. It's on the tip of my tongue - the words I know I should be saying in here. The things I should be admitting to feeling but… they get stuck in my throat. And I think Penelope knows that.

"He's what?" she asks, her voice soft with the prompting.

And despite the shame creeping over me like a second skin, I utter the words I know I need to say. All the things I've believed of myself for as long as I can remember.

"He's not afraid to let people in. Even after all the bullshit he's been through, Danny's still open. Still honest. He still… god, he still believes that he's worthy of love," I almost whisper the last few words, my voice wavering on them. Part of me hopes she didn't hear me. But part of me hopes she did. Cause I'm so damn tired of feeling this way.

She lets out a quiet breath. "And… why do you believe you aren't worthy of it, too?"

I keep my gaze away from her, swallowing past the lump in my throat. "Because I'm damaged… or broken, I guess. And I don't… I can't imagine why someone would want to be with someone like that. Like me."

"You said that Danny's had it rough… and yet, you still want to be with him," Penelope says, waiting a breath before she asks. "Why is it different for you? Why don't you deserve that same love and kindness you show him?"

Tears prick my eyes and I try to blink them away but… they won't leave. I push my hair back from my face, leaning forward on the couch to drop my forehead in my hands.

This is why I didn't want to go to therapy when Alex brought it up. Because I knew that this would happen. I'd say too much and feel like shit and not want to talk about it anymore but that's a therapist's job - to get you to talk. God, what am I doing here? I should be getting ready for my first school dance with Danny, not choking back tears in the office of someone I barely know.

"Do you think, because of the things your father's done to you, that somehow you're not worth loving anymore?" Penelope asks, her voice soft on the question. "Would you feel the same of Danny if he told you he'd been through the same things you've been through?"

I shake my head, the words spilling out me in a broken, near-sob. "N-No but it's different. He's not… h-he's not…"

Penelope waits in silence while I rake my hands through my hair, dragging my fingernails across my scalp hard - trying to stem the tears that won't go away. I don't know how to put it into words. It's different for him because he was already worth something. It didn't take Dad's angry hits and Mom taking off to tell me what I'm worth. I've always known, ever since I was a kid. It's in my bones - I panic easily, run when things get hard, and I never have the words I need to say or someone else needs to hear.

How can Danny look at me and think I'm worth what he is? What does he see that I fucking can't?

I push my hair back from my face, letting out a breath slowly. I draw one in just as slowly, keeping the tears at bay.

Penelope lets out a quiet breath, her voice soft as she speaks. "You know it's okay to not be ready to talk about this, right?" She continues when I stay silent. "It's okay if you're not ready, Dash. I'll never push you to talk about anything you don't want to."

I drag in a breath but that's as far as it gets. I merely nod and pray that she'll accept that as my answer. The silence is thick in her office so I dart my gaze to her, my voice shaky as I force the words out of me.

"Then… I don't think… that I'm ready to talk about this. Not… not all the way," I say, letting out a shaky breath.

For a second, I think Penelope was bullshitting me - that she's going to ask me why I'm not ready. That she's going to try to force words out of me anyway. But when I chance a look at her, she gives me a nod, a gentle expression on her face. It's not a sympathetic expression - not a pitying one. It's just understanding. Acknowledging and accepting that I'm not ready to go there yet. And relief washes over me as I sink back into her couch.

Maybe I do need this more than I've convinced myself. But fuck, it's nice to know that she won't push me before I'm ready. I've just… gotta make sure that I am ready. One day.


Alex takes me for a burger after as we leave Penelope's office. And though the stories Alex tells me about what happened at work today keep my mind far away from the things I almost confessed in therapy, it's not enough to keep my mind off of Danny. And how tonight is gonna be our first dance together.

As soon as we get back to the apartment, I change into my suit - even though it's at least half an hour before Danny's even supposed to be here. So I sit on the couch in my suit, half-watching a basketball game, half-listening for every vibrate and text ding from my phone.

Alex wanders into the living room from time to time and though I catch the teasing glint in his eyes, he doesn't say anything. I think he can tell how nervous I actually am. And when I nearly jump out of my skin when Danny finally texts me, Alex comes to a stop just beside the couch.

"You want me to tie your tie?" Alex asks, nodding to my unbuttoned dress shirt.

I shake my head, slowly typing back to Danny. "No. I don't really have one I like so… it's fine."

From: Danny

Heyyyy! On my way to you now. Had to stop for gas lol. Should be there in about 10 minutes! xx

To: Danny

Cool. Can't wait to see you xx

I can't keep the grin off my face, despite the nerves roiling around inside my gut. Tonight's going to be a good night. No matter what anxiety I might feel about it… tonight will be good. It has to be.

"Do you want to borrow one of mine?" Alex asks.

I look up at him and it takes me a second to remember what we were just talking about. "Oh, no. I'm good, thanks."

Alex nods, leaning against the wall across from the couch. He folds his arms over his chest with a soft sigh as his gaze flits throughout the living room. "It's weird to think that tomorrow all of this will be in a new place."

I glance around the living room, too – mentally seeing the walls bare, furniture gone. Damn, it is gonna be weird.

"Yeah, it is," I say, looking to him in the silence.

He gives me a soft smile that feels like it's holding sadness for some reason. But he doesn't say anything more before he pushes away from the wall and leaves the living room.

I watch him go, trying to imagine what tomorrow's going to be like. I remember the day we got my stuff from Dad's place. I remember that like it happened yesterday but this is… this is different. I'm moving in somewhere with people who care about me. This time we're moving together. And I'm not moving in because I have to run from someone else.

I watch the space where he's disappeared for only a moment longer before there's a knock at the door. My heart jumps and settles in my throat as I stand on shaky legs, crossing the short distance between the living room and the front door. Danny's on the other side, all smiles when I open the door. And my heart melts at the grin on his face, his eyebrows rising as his gaze runs down my body.

"Damn - I should get you in a suit more often," he jokes, his hands behind his back as he steps forward to press a kiss to my mouth.

I close my eyes into the kiss, breathing in the cold winter's air and tasting him. I commit this moment to memory - his tongue in my mouth, the slight taste of coffee and cherry lingering on my taste buds. The sound of a car in the parking lot revving its engine - the cold wind coming in from outside.

This is our first time going to a school function together. As a couple. I want to remember every moment of it.

"What's behind your back?" I ask when I pull away from Danny.

He responds with a grin and reveals it to me - a large cup of Starbucks coffee. Damn - if I didn't love him before, I definitely do now.

"Oh my god, thank you." I take the cup from him, downing a few sips before I nod to the apartment. "Do you want to just go or-"

"Pssh - and miss Alex taking pictures of us? No way," Danny says, stepping into the apartment and pushing the door shut behind him.

"Alex's not going to-" I stop short, catching sight of Alex coming down the hall, a camera in his hand. Oh. My. God.

He sees Danny and grins, turning to call over his shoulder. "Kendra - he's here."

"Ooh, I'm coming! Did you get my camera?" Kendra's voice floats from down the hall.

I turn to Danny, trying to ignore the heat I feel across my face and creeping down my neck. "You know… it's not too late to leg it out of here. Save some face."

Danny rolls his eyes, taking my drink back. "Not a chance."

He gives me a grin before leaning forward to press a kiss to my lips. And the camera flash goes off and I kind of just want to die right there.

"Do we really have to do this?" I ask, looking to Alex with the question. But he's not listening, he's asking Kendra something about the camera. So Danny answers instead.

He takes my hand, giving it a little squeeze. "Yes. We do." He holds my stare when I look to him, lowering his voice as he continues. "Because this is your first school dance taking a guy as your date. And you… you need to remember this moment."

I feel the flush across my face but the embarrassment is quickly replaced. "So… you've been to a school dance with a guy before?"

Danny nods before shrugging. "Kind of. I mean - yeah, I was interested in the guy. But we went in a big friend group and we were never officially dating so… it's kind of a gray area."

I try to keep it casual as I nod but the question practically burns on the way out. "Ahh… so, who's the-"

"Okay, big smiles, you two," Kendra calls, clapping her hands together to get our attention.

I look away from Danny without finishing my question. I paste a smile on my face for Alex and Kendra but I can't stop myself from wondering who Danny would have gone to a dance with. Blake's the most logical conclusion but… I don't think Blake took him much of anywhere.

Danny slides his arm around my mine, interlacing our fingers together. He smiles when he looks at me - a bright eyed, honest smile. And I can't help but give him one back. He leans closer to me with a small laugh, pressing a kiss to my lips. And like he told me to - I memorize this moment. The way his tongue feels in my mouth when he deepens the kiss. The lingering taste of coffee in my mouth. The flash of the camera going off as Alex and Kendra take half a dozen photos of us.

I commit this moment to memory. Because I never want to forget the way it feels standing next to Danny. Knowing that from now on, he'll be mine. And I'll be his.


The parking lot is packed when we get there. More than I thought it'd be. We end up parking at the end of the lot, next to a Chevy truck that's definitely seen better days.

"You ready for this?" Danny asks me on the way to the front door.

I card my fingers through my hair, looking to him as I answer the same question he's already voiced three times. "Yeah, I'm good. Why do you keep asking?"

Danny shrugs as he walks up the few steps to the front door. He opens it and holds it for me. "Just making sure."

I step inside the school and wait for him to join me. "You do realize that's the fourth time you've asked me that since we got in the car, right?"

Danny gives another shrug but that's not enough of an answer for me. So I capture his hand in mine and come to a stop in the hallway. I can hear music and people's laughter drifting from the gym. But there's no one else in the hall – no one to overhear the things he obviously needs to say.

"Seriously… what's up? And don't say it's nothing because… because I know something's going on." I squeeze his hand in mine. "I can tell, okay? So just… please just tell me."

He lets out a heavy sigh and looks away from me. It takes about a minute but he finally talks, his voice quiet on the words.

"Fine, I guess I'm just… I'm wondering what we're walking into the gym as." He looks at me with the words, shrugging again. "It's your call tonight. So… if we're walking in as a couple or just friends or-"

"Wait - why wouldn't we be a couple in there tonight?" I ask, searching his expression for the answer. Did I give him some kind of an impression that we should be anything other than us in there?

Danny holds my stare, his tone patient and calm as he speaks. "Because you're not out, Dash. Not completely. I mean, a few of your friends know, yes. And so do Alex and Kendra. But… is this really how you want to come out to the whole school?"

Fuck. I never even thought of that - is this the way I want to do this thing? I'm ready to just be done with it so I don't have to watch my every move with him in the halls but… at the same time - am I really ready for it?

I've seen the looks that Dale and Mitch have gotten since they came out. Kwan's gotten a few snide remarks before and… Blake's defaced locker is less than ten feet from us. Staring at me.

"I didn't even think about that," I admit.

Danny lets out a small breath and nods in my silence. "I know. And it's okay. I think…" He chews on his bottom lip before meeting my stare again. "Okay, again, this is your call, one hundred percent, right? But I just… personally, I don't think it's a good idea to come out this way."

"How would you do it if you were given the choice instead of… what happened with you?" I ask.

He shakes his head. "I don't know. That's not really a road I like to let my mind wander down." He lifts one shoulder in a shrug before giving me a nod. "But like I said. It's your call in there tonight."

I look down the hall - in the direction I know the gym is in. And I consider it. For a moment - I wonder what it would be like to walk through those doors, holding his hand like it's nothing. Like I don't care what people think or like I'm not scared of the things they might say or what they might do in the days after I come out.

But the truth is that I do care. And I am scared.

"I think… maybe you're right." I look to Danny with the words. Swallow all the fear sitting in the center of my chest.

Danny gives me a small nod. Doesn't push for one thing or another. But he pulls his hand from mine - and I know he understands what I've decided.

"I'm sorry," I say, the words spilling from me before I can stop them.

He shakes his head, taking a step back from me. "You don't have to apologize for this. I told you - it's your choice tonight. So… we're friends in there."

I grab his hand before he can turn away from me. He meets my stare and I push him back against the lockers, watching as his eyes widen. A small breath leaves him and he curls his fingers around my suit jacket. He starts to say my name but I cut him off. I press my lips to his - reminding him that we're not friends. We're this - the insatiable desire passing between us, fueling the heat between us with every kiss we've stolen since the very first one.

When I let him go, Danny pulls away a little breathlessly, his stare hazy when he meets mine.

I slide my knee between his, nudging his apart. "You're my boyfriend." I brush my knee against his crotch, heat building in my own gut at the look on his face. "No… stupid high school dance is going to change that."

Danny's eyes are blown wide as he stares at me, his breaths coming out more like quiet pants as he nods. He opens his mouth twice but can't seem to form the words so he merely nods again.

"Just because we're not going to be all over each other in there doesn't mean that we're friends. We're this, Danny," I say, brushing my knee against him again. He makes a sinful noise, clutching my suit jacket tighter.

"D-Dash, ahh… don't… don't do that," he pants, his grip on my suit jacket tightening more. "I… I get it. We're not… not just friends."

"Good," I say, leaning forward to press a final kiss to his lips before I let him go.

He stays pressed up against the lockers for a few seconds, his gaze set anywhere but me. One glance down has me grinning. Damn… good to know I can do that to him. And fuck, I can't wait to do it to him over and over again.


We don't hold hands but we walk in together. And even though it shouldn't, seeing people look our way as we step inside still sends my heart racing. It's not like we're making out in front of them but… still. It feels like they can see right through us.

Music is pumping through the room, some beat I vaguely recognize. I lean closer to Danny, raising my voice to be heard over the music. "Do you want to dance?"

Danny looks toward the dance floor, making a face at the people already there. I recognize a few of my teammates grinding against a few cheerleaders. Damn - maybe we shouldn't dance to this song.

"Ayyy, you made it!" someone calls out from a table near the doors.

I turn to look, catching sight of Dale. He points a finger gun in my direction and next to him, Mitch gives a little wave. So Danny and I drift toward them instead.

"Hey," Danny greets, nodding to the empty chair beside Mitch. "Can we join you guys?"

"Yeah, of course," Mitch says, giving Danny a smile.

I sit next to Dale, across from Danny now. I don't know if I'm imagining it but he seems to relax with the distance between us. I think I relax too… I don't want this to always be the way we are but… for now, having that distance between us keeps me from absentmindedly putting my hands all over him. It's easy to forget that people are watching.

Dale looks between the two of us, a small smile on his face. "Ahh… you guys are doing that first 'in the closet' school function, huh?"

"Dale," Mitch calls softly. For once, I don't even mind that Dale's said something like that. At least it broke the ice.

I laugh softly. "Yeah, it's…"

"Always a good time," Danny says, shaking his head when Mitch looks toward him. "Honestly, I don't really care what people say about us. But sometimes…"

"Sometimes it's nice not to have hear assholes spit every slur that comes to them." Dale makes a face when I look to him. "Ran into Zane in the parking lot."

Ugh. Dick.

"Sorry," I say.

Dale shrugs like it's not a big deal but we both know it still is. Silence settles over the table and it's the kind that quickly turns awkward. So I force myself to break it.

"So… I'm moving tomorrow," I say, nodding when Mitch looks toward me. "We're finally leaving the apartment and moving into the house."

"That's great!" Mitch says, giving me a smile. "If you need any help, you can call Dale and I - we'll be happy to come over and lend a hand."

Dale makes a strangled noise, shaking his head as he looks to Mitch. "No, no, no… I'm gonna be busy this weekend." He looks to me with a grin. "Totally planning on rearranging his guts every chance I get."

Oh my god, ew.

"Dale!" Mitch calls again, swatting him on the shoulder. His face is red as he speaks. "Can you stop saying that stuff?"

Danny gives an embarrassed laugh. His face has gone pink when I look at him. He meets my stare across the table and his flush grows darker. "Well um… you know I'll come over to help with the move."

"We'll definitely drop by," Mitch says, sending Dale a look like it's penance for the sex comment.

Dale doesn't even have the decency to look ashamed, he just shoots me another grin.

"Okay - what are we talking about and who's drinking what?" a girl asks, the sound of a chair scraping back from the table.

It takes me a second to realize it's Paulina that sinks down in the chair next to me.

She's wearing a light purple dress that goes down to her ankles - black sandals on her feet. A gold necklace with a heart charm dangles from her neck. I think it's the one I got her for her birthday two years ago. God… that seems like forever ago now.

"I'm actually about to grab Dash and I some punch," Danny says, looking to Paulina. "I can bring you back a cup if you want."

She looks over her shoulder at the refreshment table before making a face. "Nah, thanks but I'm good."

"Hey, if you want to make it a little extra, let me know. I've got a little Jim Beam here." Dale pats the breast pocket of his suit jacket with a grin. "It mixes great with the punch."

Danny gives a laugh, his gaze straying toward me for a split second. "I mean, I'm always down for a little-"

He's interrupted by a loud, boisterous voice - cutting clear across the gym.

"Did someone order a table of faggots? Table of faggots right here!" Zane calls out, his laugh loud and cutting.

Several people around him laugh, the sound crawling down my spine and making my stomach twist. I clench my hands into fists beneath the table and turn to look at Zane. He's got a sick grin on his face, staring in our direction - daring us to do something about it. He's enjoying this, the fucking bastard.

I open my mouth to tell him to fuck off but Dale puts his hand on my arm.

"Just ignore him. He's not worth it." He says it calmly but I see the fire in his eyes – same one that's burning in me. He might not want to bring the fight here but he wants one.

I clench my jaw, trying to keep my stare from Zane. It's hard - especially when he starts miming a blow job and the idiots at his table laugh harder.

Danny pushes his chair back from our table, his face flushed. He doesn't look at any of us as he speaks. "So… I'm just gonna… punch. I'm… I'm getting punch.

I watch him go for half a second before Paulina leaves her chair. She shoots me a sympathetic look before following after him. I wait another second or two before I look over my shoulder again.

The group around Zane is still laughing, a few pointing in our direction, but it looks like Zane's moved on for now. He's already attached at the lips to some girl. I know I'm not the only one at the table that feels that relief ripple through me.

"Listen, you can't pay people like that any attention." Mitch's stare is deadly serious when I look his way. "If you give people like that an inch, they'll take a mile. You've just… you have to ignore them."

Fuck that. People who act like assholes should be treated like assholes.

"Don't you get tired of it?" I ask, gesturing around us. "Of the stupid shit people say or the dumbass questions or stares?"

Mitch makes a soft noise before he gives a nod. "Of course. But at the end of the day…" He looks to Dale, letting out a quiet breath. "I would rather hear those slurs a thousand times than for somebody to catch one of us alone and…"

"Cave our skull in," Dale finishes, his expression a lot more hopeless than Mitch's. He lets out a breath as he shakes his head. "We're not stupid. We know that we shouldn't have to hear the shit people like him spit at us - no one should. But… we've also seen the news. Read the stories."

My gut clenches, bile rising in my throat. I've seen those news stories too. Read the same reports. But that was before. When I'd think for a second that it was sad as fuck that someone would hurt someone else for something they couldn't control. But I'd tell myself that the only gay person I knew was Kwan - that I could protect him if it came down to it.

But I can't protect all of them. All of us.

Mitch intertwines his fingers with Dale's, his gaze on the table as he speaks. "We know that we're lucky - that words are the least of our problems. There's a lot worse that could be happening to us than a few slurs thrown our way."

Dale lifts their joined hands from the table. He softly kisses the back of Mitch's hand, his eyes falling closed.

Mitch gives a half smile as he looks up at me. "It's not like we'll be here for life. And you won't either."

"Ho-How do you know that somewhere else will be better?" I ask, my voice shaky on the question. "How… how do you that there won't be millions of people just like Zane wherever you go?"

Dale lifts his head, meeting my stare. That same fire is back in his eyes - and for a fleeting second, I think he's going to act on it. Show everyone exactly the kind of fury years of this bullshit has created in him.

But when he speaks, his voice is still calm.

"We don't know that for sure - no one does. But we have to believe there are better places out there. Otherwise there's no escape and this is all fucking meaningless."

"Dale," Mitch calls softly, looking to me with a quiet exhale. "He just means that we aren't giving up on there being a place out there where we can live our lives with fewer of those people around."

I look to Dale but he won't meet my stare. I get it - feels like there'll never be a place he can relax. Where he feels safe. Same, Dale. Fucking same.

"Then… why even come here?" I ask, continuing at the puzzled look Mitch gives me. "I mean if you don't feel like you can be yourselves here – at this fucking pointless dance, then… why come?"

Mitch gives me a patient smile as he runs his thumb over the back of Dale's hand. "Because we have just as much right to be here as anyone else does. And if more of us come to these kind of things… more people might begin to see that we're not that different from each other."

Dale makes a noise in his throat but he doesn't say anything.

The chair next to me scrapes across the floor and I expect Paulina when I look but it's Blake instead.

He collapses in the chair with a heavy sigh. There's a dark bruise under his left eye that wasn't there earlier. And his lips are cracked are the corners – like someone punched him or something. The bridge of his nose is turning purple, too - even in this dim lighting, I can see it. Everyone at the table can but he pretends we can't.

"So… what's up?" he asks, not holding anyone's stare for too long as he flits his gaze around the table.

"I thought you weren't coming," I say.

Blake shrugs, leaning back in his chair. "Wasn't planning on it. But it beats hanging at home."

Silence settles over the table and I think we're all waiting on someone else to say something - it's like this silent fear stretched over the three of us. Blake must sense something cause his gaze flicks between the three of us before settling on me.

"Was that… Zane I heard when I was out in the hall?" he asks, his gaze shifting between the three of us again. "Guy's an asshole."

Mitch lets out a breath, looking up at Blake with a pained smile. "Yeah, he is. But… let's not focus on him."

Blake studies Mitch for a second longer before shrugging again, his gaze shifting away from us. "Fine by me." He folds his arms over his chest, his gaze straying out to the gym again before settling on me. "Danny's not here yet?"

I nod toward the refreshment table across the gym. Paulina and Danny both are heading back toward the table now, a faint smile on both their faces as they each carry way more cups of punch than any of us need. "No, he is."

Blake looks in the direction I nod, letting out a breath. "Well… I can go then."

He starts to rise from his chair but Danny beats him to the table before he can leave his chair. He slides a cup of punch in front of everyone - including Blake. He lowers his voice as he leans closer to us, a grin on his face. "We're all taking shots. Dale - do your thing."

Dale glances around at all of us, a smile pulling at his mouth as he takes his hand from Mitch's. He glances around for the teachers we all know are stalking the gym - waiting for something like this to go down. He slides the thin, silver flask from his pocket and twists the cap off, pouring a little in every cup until we all have some.

When mine slides in front of me again, I look down into the cup. There's not much in here and… I don't want to be the only one at the table that doesn't drink. But I can't shake the feeling that I'm headed down the same path Dad was when he was my age.

But… I don't want to be the odd man out. Don't want to say that I'm not touching alcohol because my dad's an asshole. So, I paste a grin on my face and look up at everyone else just as Dale puts his flask away.

Danny settles down across from me again, glancing around the table before he closes his hand around his own cup. With a nod, we all simultaneously lift our plastic punch cups and swallow down a mouthful of punch mixed with something that's a hell of a lot stronger than whiskey. Damn, it burns on the way down.

"Holy shit," Paulina says with a cough.

Dale makes a face as he sets his cup down. "Sorry. I must have filled my flask with vodka instead."

"How do you get that mixed up?" Danny asks with a laugh.

"Maybe cause his parents place is stocked better than a bar," Mitch says, laughing at the mock hurt expression on Dale's face. "Sorry, love, it's true."

Dale rolls his eyes but leans across the space between him to press a kiss to his lips. Unconsciously, I look over my shoulder - check to see if anyone saw. No one's looking our way but it doesn't make me feel any better.

Mitch gives me a sympathetic look when I turn around again. "It gets easier, you know. Eventually, you stop looking over your shoulder for anyone that could be watching."

I feel the heat crawl across my face and I catch Danny's eye for a split second before I look away. I don't know what to say so I just nod, dropping my stare to the table.

"The only people that ever care are douchebags," Blake says. He waits a second or two in the silence before continuing. "I'd say fuck them but… I'd rather save that for the good guys."

Danny laughs softly and I look up at the sound - catching the surprised expression on Blake's face.

"Have you heard from Kwan?" Mitch asks, continuing when I look at him. "He told me earlier that he was going to be here but I haven't seen him yet."

I shrug, pulling my phone from my pocket. "I don't know. He told me the same – I'll text him."

To: Kwan

Are you coming to the dance or are you too busy wrapped around Keith lmao

"Can I ask you something about Kwan?" Dale asks when I put my phone away. He continues when I nod. "Is he dating Keith?"

Everyone at the table turns their gaze on me. I try to keep my expression neutral but I can feel the heat creeping across my face as I speak.

"He um… that's not really… my place to say."

Dale grins, slapping the table. "I fucking knew it - Star owes me ten bucks."

Mitch rolls his eyes but it's with a smile. "I suspected it too, but I don't make bets on my friends."

"Pshaw, you so - oh, there they are. Yo, Star, Jeff!" Dale calls out across the gym, waving his hand frantically in the air.

I look in the direction his gaze is set in and see the two of them catching sight of our table. Star's dressed in a light blue floor length dress – it looks amazing on her. I watch as she self-consciously repositions the wrap around her shoulders lower down her frame - like she's trying to hide the barest hint of her pregnancy already showing.

"Hey, guys," Jeff says, when he comes to a stop at our table.

"Dude, guess what - Kwan is with Keith." Dale grins as he looks to Star. "And you owe me ten bucks."

Star rolls her eyes, a small smile on her face. "Was this actually confirmed or is this just another one of your locker room gossip sessions."

I laugh but Dale's makes a face.

"We don't gossip, we-"

"I love your dress, by the way," I interrupt Dale with, earning Star's attention. "It looks really nice on you."

She smiles, her gaze dropping from mine. "Thank you. I… was worried it wouldn't fit."

"Well, you look beautiful," I say.

She looks up at me again, her smile brightening. Jeff leans closer to her, pressing a kiss to her cheek before his gaze strays to me.

"So how've you been doing? You guys moved into your new place yet?"

I shake my head. "We're doing that tomorrow."

Danny reaches across the table, holding out his open hand toward me. I drop my stare to his hand before I take his hand in mine, intertwining our fingers together.

He gives me a smile. "I'm excited to see this place in person. The pictures you sent me looked amazing."

"If you'll text me the address, I'll see if I can swing by tomorrow," Jeff says, shrugging one shoulder when I look at him. "At least until work."

"Yeah, text me, too. I'll drag Dale into it," Mitch says, laughing when Dale groans.

I pull my phone from my pocket, quickly typing out the address to all of them in a group, including Danny, Paulina, and Blake - though Paulina hasn't offered to help, I include her anyway.

To: Group Chat

Those of you that want to help out, feel free to show up - you'll be rewarded with pizza

"Ooh," Paulina says, reading over the text when her phone dings. "I might have to take you up on that offer. I'd kill for something greasy right now."

I start to respond but my phone vibrates with a text message. I expect it to be in the group chat but it's Kwan, replying to my earlier message.

From: Kwan

Sorry… we're not going to make it tonight. Lily's in the hospital again. She's ok but we're hanging here for another hour until she's given the ok to go home.

Shit.

Everyone at the table laughs at something Star's just said but I missed it. I'm rereading Kwan's text again and again.

To: Kwan

I can meet you guys there

Kwan's response is almost instant.

From: Kwan

Thank you. Keith'll appreciate the offer. But I don't think that he needs to be around anyone right now. You know how it is.

Damn… I do know how it is. When the weight of the world is on your chest and the last thing you need is someone asking how you're doing. Your whole world is falling apart - how the fuck do they expect you to be doing?

Danny bumps his knee against mine beneath the table. It makes me jump and he gives me an apologetic smile when I look up. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, just… give me a sec."

He nods, keeping his knee pressed to mine as he returns his gaze to the rest of the table. I type my response slowly, not paying any attention to the conversations around me. I'm focused on the text instead - considering every word before I press send.

To: Kwan

I do get it. And I also get how it's tempting to face pain alone but… if either of you need me, please let me know. You know I'll be there whenever

I put my phone away and rejoin the conversation around me, my mind still lingering on Kwan and Keith. If there was something I could do for either of them… I'd do it. But I know the need to be alone for a while. And I'll give them that.

"…which is exactly what I told him," Blake's saying, laughing at the expression on Jeff's face. "What?"

Jeff frowns, shaking his head as his gaze lingers on Blake. "Nothing, I just… wouldn't have expected that from you."

"What are we talking about?" I ask, looking between Blake and Jeff with the question.

"Blake's dating senior citizens," Dale says, making a face when I look at him.

Blake scoffs, lobbing his empty plastic cup toward Dale. "He's not a senior citizen - he's just older than me."

"A lot older." Mitch's eyebrows are pinched together when I shift my gaze to him. He lets out a quiet breath, shaking his head as his gaze lingers on Blake. "You know that you don't have to-"

"Yo, Dash," someone calls from across the gym.

I turn to look at who it is and I don't recognize them. They're wearing a dark blue dress that stops just above their knees, the skirt flaring out around them. As they get closer to me, I realize with a start that its-

"Nik?" I ask, my voice betraying how surprised I am.

Nik comes to a stop at the end of the table closest to me, giving me a grin. "Hey, man. How's it going?"

I can't form a coherent thought as I take in his dress. What is he doing wearing something like that here? Doesn't he know that someone might-

"Aye, yo! The faggots got their own drag queen!" Zane calls out from his table, his laughter loud and barking and cruel.

I cringe at the sound but Nik lets out a laugh just as loud. He turns to look toward the other table, a grin stretched across his mouth.

"Just say you think I'm sexy, Zane," Nik says.

Holy shit.

Dale and I catch each other's gaze before we both turn to look at Zane. His mouth is hanging open and for a few seconds, we all just stare at each other. But Zane's the first to recover, his chair scraping across the gym floor as he leaves it. He covers the distance between his table and Nik in seconds.

I leave my chair, instinctively stepping in front of Nik. My insides have turned to liquid and my whole my body is shaky but I keep my voice even - injecting as much strength into my tone as I can.

"Don't," I spit, shaking my head as Zane comes to a stop in front of me. "Just walk away."

Zane narrows his eyes, stepping closer to me. "You think I'm gonna let a fucking faggot say something like that to me?"

"I think you're going to back the fuck off," I say, taking a step closer to him. My stomach clenches at the rage written on Zane's face.

"Don't tell me you're one, too, Baxter," Zane spits. He searches my expression for a second or two before he scoffs. "Holy shit, you are, aren't you? You're a fucking f-"

Dale joins me, his shoulder against mine as he gets in Zane's face. "You heard him, off."

Zane opens his mouth to speak but he doesn't get the chance to. Not before someone comes to a stop just beside us, easily understanding that this situation needs someone to intervene.

"Evening, boys," Mr. Lancer greets, raising an eyebrow when I look toward him. He nods toward the four of us. "Is there a problem here?"

I shake my head, speaking before anyone else can. "No, sir. Zane was just leaving."

Zane scoffs. "Like hell I was, that little freak just-"

"Mr. Anderson, that's enough," Mr. Lancer says, nodding toward the exit doors. "Best be on your way."

He looks between me and Mr. Lancer before scoffing again. But he leaves the gym. And my stomach drops, my shaky legs threatening to give out. I look to Dale, the relief coursing through me mirrored in his expression.

"Fuckin' finally," Dale breathes, giving me a shaky smile.

Mr. Lancer pats me on the shoulder before he starts away from us. I keep my stare on the gym doors, like I expect Zane to walk right back through them and go after one of us. I don't trust him not to.

Nik makes a soft noise behind me, shaking his head when I turn to look at him. "Man, that guy's an asshole."

"Yeah," Dale agrees, letting out a breath as his gaze strays toward the end of the table - toward Mitch. He only waits for a second before he moves away from me and toward Mitch instead.

"Sorry about that," I say, nodding toward the exit doors. "Zane's just… an idiot."

Nik shrugs, that carefree smile back on his face. "Yeah, I know. It doesn't matter."

A chair scrapes across the floor and I look toward the table. Blake's standing, his face flushed as he steps away from the table. He won't look at any of us as he speaks. "I'm just… I'm gonna get some air."

I watch Blake leave the table, heading for a side exit, for a few seconds before Danny rises from his own chair. He looks to me with the movement and I take a half-step closer to him. I don't have to ask - Danny knows the question.

"I'm fine." He holds my stare for a few moments longer before letting out a breath and looking in the direction Blake disappeared. "I think… I think I'm going to go after him. We need to talk anyway…"

"Do you want me to come with you?" I ask, my stomach twisting around itself at the idea of Danny alone with Blake. I know he's changed and Danny has too but… I can't help but worry.

Danny looks toward me with a small shake of his head. One corner of his mouth quirks upward. "No, I've got this. But… thank you."

I watch Danny leave for a few seconds, my heart in my throat as he disappears out the same side door that Blake did. I ache to run after him but I stay put and turn to look at Nik instead.

Nik's got his phone out but he looks up at me when I speak.

"Do you want to sit with us?" I ask.

He looks toward the table with a shrug before following me over to it. He sits in a chair next to mine, his body language casual - like his face wasn't almost rearranged by a guy twice his size.

"I can hang until Derek gets here," Nik says, looking up at me with a smile. "He's running late cause he worked a shift after school."

"Oh, that's cool," I say.

Nik's smile gets a little forced - the skin around his eyes tightening just a touch. "Whatever keeps him out of the house."

He looks away from me at that, letting out a heavy sigh as he shakes his head.

"Has it been bad for him again?" Jeff asks, his gaze on Star when I look up at him.

Star meets his gaze, a sad smile as she shakes her head. "It's always bad for him. If they would just ease up on him, maybe… maybe he wouldn't be having so much trouble."

"You mean if they gave a damn and took him to get further testing done," Nik says, all traces of a smile gone when I look back at him.

Star gives a soft sigh but is quick to agree. "Yeah, that's probably a more accurate way of putting it."

Nik lets out a breath, shaking his head as he looks away from Star. "Anyway…" His stare drifts around the table as he asks the question. "What were you guys talking about?"

"Nothing much," Dale says, his gaze flicking out to the rest of the gym before he looks back to Nik with a grin. "But if you wanna add a little zest to some punch, I've got a little something here."

I watch Nik's gaze drop down to Dale's pocket when he taps it. The smile he gives looks forced but he doesn't get a chance to speak.

"Dude, he's underage," Jeff says, giving Dale a "what-the-fuck" look.

"So are we," Dale says, rolling his eyes when Jeff scoffs. "What? I just offered – it's up to him if he wants to drink."

Nik shakes his head when Dale looks his way. "I'm driving. And I don't drink."

I look to Nik, this jolt running through me at his words. He doesn't drink? Is it... could he be-

Dale snorts softly, interrupting my thoughts as rises from his chair. "Sure. And I'm a purple hippo." He looks to Mitch at that, holding his hand out toward him. "Shall we?"

"I knew taking that shot would give you some confidence in your two left feet," Mitch says, laughing at the scoff Dale lets out. "You know I'm right."

I watch the two of them leave the table together and merge with everyone else on the dance floor. Nik's turned to watch them go, too, a soft smile on his face. And the curiosity pulls at me too much to not ask.

"Can I ask you something?" I ask.

"Is it why am I in a dress?" Nik looks back to me with a wry smile, giving a small nod in the silence. "It's fine, you're not the only person to ask. Essentially… my friend was nervous about wearing a suit, was kind of concerned that people would be looking at her so… I offered to wear a dress. Direct some of that attention onto me instead."

"Oh," I say, the word coming out soft.

Nik nods again, meeting my gaze in the silence. He lifts one shoulder in a shrug. "Clothes are clothes to me. If it makes her more comfortable to show up with a guy wearing a dress then… I'm down with that."

His phone vibrates on the table before I can say anything and he picks it up, scanning over the message with a smile. "Sweet, Derek's on his way."

Star and Jeff are talking quietly as they get up from the table. Jeff meets my gaze for a second, nodding in my direction, before he leads Star to the dance floor. I look to the other end of the table and see that Paulina's gone now, too. It's just me and Nik left sitting here.

Nik taps out a response before setting his phone down again, looking up at me now. "So… how're you enjoying the dance? Is it going well with Danny?"

I blanch, completely short-circuiting about the idea of talking about Danny. I look to where he disappeared, that urge to run after him flaring up inside me.

Nik lets out a laugh, shaking his head when I look back at him. "Alright, new topic then - you looked like you were gonna vomit just now." He grins as he leans back in his chair. "So my dad's coming by tomorrow in the morning to actually help load shit into the U-haul, right? But I'm coming by after you guys get to the new house cause I'm not into heavy lifting."

"Oh that's nice, I see how it is," I say, laughing at the grin still on his face.

He shrugs, a quiet laugh escaping him. "Anyway though. Dad's planning on running over to abuela's place to get stuff that's stored in her garage. And he's gonna put what he can into his car before you guys drive over there with the U-haul."

It takes me a few seconds to realize that he's talking about Tatiana.

"Oh, right, my… yeah," I say, the words coming out lamely. "I didn't know that Tatiana was… what'd you call her again?"

Nik leans back in his chair, his hands behind his head. "My abuela – grandma."

"That's what I thought that word meant," I say, palming the back of my neck. "I didn't know she was your grandmother. I thought your dad was… Alex's cousin?"

He nods, his stare drifting to the ceiling. "He is. She's actually my great aunt technically. But all of us kids call her abuela anyway." His stare drops to me again, a sad smile on his face as he lifts one shoulder in a shrug. "She didn't think she'd have grandkids after what happened with Alex."

My breath catches in my throat and I let out a breath slowly. I shouldn't ask – but I do anyway.

"What do you mean?"

Nik's eyebrows draw down. Head tilts to one side. He stares at me for a few seconds before recognition clicks in his eyes.

"Oh, shit. You don't know," he says, dropping his hands from his head. He rights himself in his chair, leaning closer to me. His voice is hushed now. "I shouldn't have said anything. I'm sorry – I thought… I thought Alex told you at Christmas."

"About his dad?" I ask, frowning when Nik nods. "He did. He told me that his dad was an asshole. I also heard that he'd… he'd died. A while ago."

Nik makes a soft tsking noise before he shakes his head. "Then he didn't tell you what I thought he did. Just forget I mentioned anything, alright? It's really not my place to tell you."

I want to push for answers but Nik doesn't look like he'll bend. And… I think I'd rather hear from Alex anyway.

Nik's phone vibrates on the table again and he turns over the screen. His face lights up in a smile and he looks up at me. "Sorry, man, gotta jet. Derek's just parked and I'm gonna meet him at the front doors."

"Yeah, of course. See you tomorrow," I say. He rises from his chair and he gets a few steps away before I speak. "Hey, Nik?"

He turns around to look at me and I get up from my chair, closing the distance between us.

"I thought of a better question than why are you in a dress," I say, continuing when he grins. "How did you ride your bike here in a dress?"

Nik laughs out loud, patting me on the shoulder with a wink. "Dude, wouldn't you like to know?"

With that, he starts away from me again, practically running down the hall, his sneakers slapping loudly against the linoleum.

I honestly don't know where he gets it - this confidence to just be exactly who he is and not give a shit who thinks what about him. I'm a little jealous of it, honestly… I don't think I could ever walk in these doors wearing anything even close to what he is.

When he disappears around the corner, I move from the doors over to the refreshment table, pouring myself a cup of punch. I look around for the others to maybe hang with them until Danny comes back inside. But the only person I can see is Dale. And… he's a little busy. Sucking face with Mitch. Very obscenely.

I avert my gaze down to my punch cup and try to forget what the fuck I just witnessed.

"Hey stranger." Paulina smiles when I look up at her, nodding toward the cup in my hand. "Need something a little stronger to get you through this?"

She glances behind her before she pulls out Dale's flask from her purse. She gives me a wink as she twists the cap off and pours a generous amount into her cup. She holds it out toward me and… it feels different than it did at the table. A shot with my friends is one thing but… sneaking a drink in a secluded corner?

"I'll pass."

She frowns but sets her cup down on the refreshment table long enough to put the flask back in her purse. "I thought Danny was driving you guys home tonight."

"No, I-I am," I say, stumbling over what should be a perfect excuse. If I'm driving, of course I wouldn't drink. Paulina knows that – it's always been that way for me, even when we were dating.

Paulina holds my stare for a few seconds longer before she shrugs and lifts her cup from the refreshment table again. She taps the rim of her cup against mine before downing a sip. "Hoo man, that's strong."

"Yeah," I say, letting out a laugh. "Why do you think I didn't want anymore?"

"Ah, well." Her stare drifts from me out to the rest of the gym. She takes another sip of her spiked punch before she looks back to me, a soft smile on her face. "You want to walk around with me?"

"Yeah, sure."

I fall in step with her and we start around the gym, our steps slow as we drink our punch and take in the people around us.

"So, this is weird, huh?" Paulina asks, a laugh escaping her as she looks to me. "You and me at the winter formal but not…together."

"Yeah," I say, laughing too as I remember how we spent the last one. "Damn, this was our get back together dance, wasn't it?"

Paulina nods. "Oh yeah. It was also our famous break-up dance. You know - we'd arrive together but we rarely left together."

"And of course there were the times we'd show up with someone each other was jealous of just to piss each other off. Man, we… we really pulled some petty shit on each other," I say, laughing when she does.

"That's for sure," Paulina says, her grin softening just a little as her gaze sweeps the gym. "Danny still not back yet?"

I look to the door he followed Blake out of as I shake my head. "No, he's still with Blake."

Paulina waits a few seconds in silence before bumping her shoulder against mine. She gives me a smile when I look back to her. "Hey, so… how's it going with you two?"

"Me and Danny?" I ask, dropping my stare from hers.

This is different than when Nik asked me. I know Paulina better - she's seen every side of me and… I know I can trust her with any part of this. Gone are the days when we'd weaponize each other's weakest points against one another - we're past that shit. And I know she just wants honesty.

"Things are… they're good," I say, continuing before she can guess the hesitancy in my tone. "It's just… slow, you know? We're taking it slow, I mean. A-And that's… it's good."

"Okay… but?" Paulina asks, smiling when I meet her gaze. "I know you - there's a but coming somewhere isn't there?"

I shake my head. "No, there's not. It's just… I don't know, sometimes all I can do is wonder what the hell he's doing with someone like me when he could… when he could have anyone."

"Dash," she calls my name softly but when I don't look up at her, she puts her hand on my arm with a soft sigh. "You're a great guy, Dash. Anyone would be lucky to call you theirs. Danny's chosen to be with you because he likes you. There's nothing more to it than that."

I don't think Danny's got some kind of motive for dating me I just… wonder if he's settling for the first nice guy that followed his first bad breakup. I don't ever want to him to settle for me - because he deserves better than that.

"Thanks, Paulina," I tell her instead of the million things running loose in my head. I give her a smile and I think it fools her. Because she smiles back and reaches out to squeeze my hand.

And I know these feelings might mean nothing and I know they might not ever leave but… for now, I try to forget about them. And Paulina and I resume our walk around the gym, trading stories and making each other laugh like it's old times. When we used to belong to each other and life seemed so much simpler than it does right now.

I wonder if Danny's somewhere with Blake – the two of them doing exactly as Paulina and I are. Remembering the good times. Forgetting all of the bad.


I wander around the gym with Paulina for a while but as the night wears on and more people crowd the dance floor, we return to our table. Dale and Mitch have left the gym entirely and Jeff and Star are slow-dancing. Across the gym, I can see Nik and Derek with a group of students probably in their year. They're all trying to launch some type of candy into each other's mouths, cheering whenever someone makes a shot into someone else's mouth.

"Just us then," Paulina says as we settle down at the table.

"Yeah," I say, my mind elsewhere as I scan the gym for Danny again. I don't see him anywhere and I… I just want to make sure he's okay. Even if Blake has changed that doesn't mean that Danny's fully forgotten what he did.

Paulina gives me a smile when I look toward her. "Looking for Danny?"

"Sorry, I just… want to find him," I say, getting up from my chair. "I'll be right back."

She waves her hand dismissively. "Don't worry about it. I probably won't stick around for much longer - I'm thinking a good movie and some popcorn is calling my name right now."

"Sounds like it'd be more fun than this," I say, giving her a grin as I turn away from the table. I only take a step away before I turn back to her. "Hey… thanks for hanging out with me tonight. I had fun."

She gives me a smile as she rises from her chair, too. She steps closer to me and I step into her embrace when she holds out her arms.

"I've missed hanging out with you," she says, pulling away to give me a smile. "I know we sucked at dating each other. But I'd like to think we can be decent friends if we try."

"I'd love to try," I say, leaning forward to press a kiss to her cheek. She smiles wider when I pull away and I squeeze her hand a final time before I start away from the table.

People are packed in the gym and it's hard to move between them easily. And no one really wants to get the fuck out of my way so I have to push my way across the gym floor until I get to the exit door that Danny disappeared out of. And once I'm outside, it takes me a few minutes of wandering around in the dark before I find him - I hear him before I see him, his laughter coming from close by.

I round the side of the school building and find Danny leaning against one of the pillars lining the front entrance doors, standing across from Blake. He's got his back to me but he turns to look when Blake nods toward me.

"Dash, hey!" Danny greets, his expression brightening. He turns to face me better, holding his hand out toward me.

I close the distance between us – bypassing his hand entirely, capturing his lips with mine instead. I slide my tongue between his lips for the few, brief seconds that he lets me in.

Danny pulls away and even in this dim moonlight, I catch the redness on his face.

"What are you doing out here?" he asks, not holding my stare for long.

I love what I can do to him - even if it's only a fraction of what he can do to me.

"I was actually looking for you," I say.

Danny's gaze shifts toward Blake for a split second and I think he gets what I'm not saying. And if he doesn't, I know Blake does.

Blake pushes away from the pillar with an exhale. "Alright… I'm gonna head inside, find something else to pass the time. But… Danny." He takes a step closer to the stairs, putting his hand on Danny's arm, a small smile on his face. "I'll see you Monday."

"Yeah, of course," Danny says, his hand twitching in mine for a split second before he pulls it free entirely. He grasps Blake's hand instead, giving him a smile before pulling him into a hug.

Blake lets out a surprised noise, followed up with a quiet laugh as he hugs Danny back. "Damn, I forgot you were a hugger."

"Hey, shut up." Danny pulls away with a laugh. "I blame Jazz entirely for it. She passed her curse on to me."

Blake lets out another quiet laugh before he bumps his fist against Danny's. "Alright, see you Monday."

"See you," Danny says, watching Blake go until he disappears into the darkness of the parking lot. When he shifts his gaze back to me, his smile is bright and not tinged with the fear or sadness I was worried about. It makes me breathe a sigh of relief that he raises an eyebrow at. "Something wrong?"

I shake my head, taking his hand in mine again. "No. I just missed you."

He smiles, reaching for me with his other hand. He runs his fingers through my hair, his smile gentle and kind. I pull his hand closer to me, pressing a kiss to each of his knuckles before I place his palm flat against my chest.

"You want to go back inside?" Danny asks quietly.

"Not really." I open my eyes to look up at him. "But… I would like to dance with you."

Danny takes a step down the staircase, closer to me. "Oh yeah? There isn't any music out here though..."

"I've got my phone," I say, pulling it from my back pocket with one hand.

Danny watches as I open up my music app and tap the "romantic" playlist suggestion that pops up. He meets my gaze when I look up at him, a soft smile on his face. He descends the rest of the way down the staircase and I balance my phone on the top step before taking him in my arms.

The music is slow and soft and honestly, I barely hear it. I'm lost in Danny's eyes, the two of us swaying together in the darkness. He knots his hands together and rests them around my lower back. I've got my arms around his upper back but there's too much distance between us - so I pull him close enough to feel his breath on my cheek, my arms sliding lower on his frame.

Danny holds my stare, this dorky grin on his face. It makes me smile, too - and I can barely hear the music but I hear him. Every intake of breath, every quiet exhale, his footsteps on the asphalt as we sway back and forth together.

Dancing out here in the darkness isn't how I pictured spending the winter formal. But it's better than being in the gym. Worrying about someone looking at us. At least out here, we won't have to deal with Zane or any other asshole's comments. One day we'll dance inside but for tonight… it's perfect with just the two of us in the dark, music drifting from my phone.

I want to stay in this moment forever – not waking up to move tomorrow or thinking about my future or planning for the second college visit trip in a couple weeks. I just want to stay with Danny. Here. Forever.

Right now, I don't care if I make it into a college or where I call home. Because he is my home - and I'm fine just forever being his.


A/N:

Yoooo

Merry Christmas, here's some angst and some child abuse lmaaaooo… that joke never gets old

So… can we talk about this thing!? First off, what a fucking beast this chapter was. It's like 32 or 33k, I don't even know anymore. But holy fuck was it a ton to edit. Especially considering I left out huge chunks of scenes and left it for editor me to write lmao

But anyway – the content! So… how'd you all like that little cock block with Jack walking in on the boys? I just can't let them have anything can I? And Maddie going through Danny's phone! And Dash being honest in therapy! And the boys first school dance!

Clearly, I have a lot of feelings about this chapter lmao. But I'd love to know what YOU think about it – what was your favorite part? What was something that stood out to you? Please tell me all the things, I've been stuck in my own head with this chapter for like a month now lol

Now… that being said, I wanted to let you all know that this chapter here marks the last of the "light" chapters. I know what you're thinking – "how tf can jaeger make this darker?" Trust me. It gets steadily darker from here on out

Not to say that every chapter is gonna be depressing or have a lot of rough stuff to navigate but the last third of this story gets really dark. And some things that occurred in this chapter have set the stage for the final third of the story. So just buckle up for that

I'll always include warnings at the start of chapters to the best of my abilities but I don't want to give anything away in regards to a few dark secrets revealed so… read with caution. If you're ever concerned about a chapter's content, you can always pause reading, send me a message on tumblr and I'll be happy to provide you with a full warning list for that chapter

Anyway though… I wanted to make sure I made that clear cause I know some of you were concerned that with everything seeming to work out for Dash with Danny and moving in with Alex and Kendra that the angst would die off. Trust me – angst courses through my veins and I just let it flow onto the page lmao

The title of this chapter comes from Mine by The 1975. When I first wrote this chapter fucking eons ago, I was listening to their new album at the time and when I heard this tune, it made sense for this to be the song that they dance to at the end there. So I thought I'd be sappy about it and make it the chapter title too

I think that about wraps up this author's note though. I hope you've all enjoyed this chapter. I know it was touch and go there for a minute to see if I was actually gonna finish editing in time lol

Next chapter you can expect angst of a high magnitude sprinkled in with adorable apartment moving moments and just general friendship and romance. Keep an eye out for this update – I'm thinking either end of January or early February. We'll see what ends up happening in the meantime though

Merry Christmas Eve to all who celebrate it – happy holidays if you're celebrating something else. And if you don't partake in holidays at all, happy December. I hope this chapter brought a smile to your face

Thanks for always sticking with it. See you next update!