(in which we receive loaves)
Brad: the third approaches!
Just in case you're a freak who skips around: me, my gentle girlfriend Genkan, Maria and fairy friend Ha-chan are in the grand clocktower of the Scarlet Devil Mansion…
To our right is Brittany: me from another dimension, a porcelain-faced bratty blonde woman with blue eyes and a maid outfit, escorted by her black-haired dom Komi, the spritely orange-haired shortstack bombshell Koi, and the often-forgotten blue-haired Namori.
To my left is a new Brad, oh god. Can I stop meeting myself like this…!? He's in a black suit with a red tie. His curly hair's slicked back, and… is it just me or is he like, bigger, somehow? He's also alone.
He looked at me, then Brittany, lookin' unimpressed. He gave me and Brittany another level stare, his stare hard with resolve.
Wordlessly, we all blinked at one another.
Let's talk about ourselves! "So… who're you, pal?"
"Bradley." Bradley was his name. "Just Bradley."
"Y'look like you made out good for yourself."
"I did."
Koakuma followed him outta the mirror. She trotted up with her black heels, taking his side. "Oh. I see what's going on."
"Aw!" Yo ho ho! "You shacked up with Koakuma, huh?"
Koakuma leered playfully. "Yeah! We're lovers!"
He held his chin high. "And let me guess: you're the Brad who didn't."
"Yeah!" I beamed! "Meet Genkan. She's innocent and soft."
"Innocent…?" Genkan's brows raised, innocently. "I'm not innocent. I've seen too much."
"You're missing out." Bradley decided.
"Hoh?"
He smirked, just slightly. "Koa's hot." In the background, Koakuma tucked her arms under her rack, lookin' smug.
I gestured to Brittany. "This is our demented cousin. Say hi, Brittany!"
"Sod off, you fucking wanker." They made me british! Noohohoho! "I've decided I'm not cool with your fairyphobic ass."
Bradley's brows were raised. Then, after a moment, he smiled. "I'm… a girl?"
Koakuma giggled. "Of course he's a girl. Your subby-wubby widdle butt would totally sign up for that in another timeline."
Bradley ignored her prodding! "So what the hell do you do, Brittany?"
Brittany composed herself. "Ah. Well, I'm the voice of the fairies."
Bradley chuckled. "Oh? Ooh. I get it. You got caught up in them."
"Caught up…?"
"When Koakuma taught me about women, some of my first practice with people who weren't her… were the fairies. That's how we'd discovered the gift nature gave me. ...To Koa's pleasure."
I had to interject. "Your dick?"
He gave me a plain stare. "No, stupid. My wings. My fairy wings."
Koakuma had a positively adoring leer. "Sex with fairies was one of the most efficient ways of fulfilling the natural pact. Thereby gaining its benefits. Sooo… I had my work cut out for me, finding him cute girls so he could fuck their brains out."
Brittany's brows were furrowed. "But… you still made friends with them, right?"
"A little," Bradley was all dismissive about it. "Fairies are alright. They don't mean bad."
"A little isn't enough. You're fulfilling your promise with nature, right?" Brittany was lookin' slightly indignant! "It's your duty, Bradley."
"No?" He grinned back! "I'm only obedient to Koa and my mansion."
"But…" Brittany pouted! "Nature trusted you! Are you really going to abandon it like that? That's…"
"I'd like to think I'm giving back in my own way."
"And how is that?"
Bradley took out a silenced pistol from his coat jacket. Oh. "I don't only take jobs from Remilia, you know. You'd be surprised how many people in Gensokyo are willing to kill one another."
Now I really wondered! "Hey, Bradley, what's your kill count?"
"Fifty one youkai. Ten humans. Twenty three Makai demons. I don't count fairies… or loaf-like beings. Outsiders uncounted." He rattled it off almost like a grocery list, 'cept for when he got to the fluffles. "By the way. Who are those three?" He pointed at my friends!
"Genkan," Genkan reminded him. "My name was just said."
"Yeah," He ignored her.
I gestured to my other friends! "This is Maria. An' this is Ha-chan, or Hana."
"Yamada?" Bradley asked!
Ho ho! "Yeah!"
He nodded. "As I thought. Villager girl. Is her mom safe?"
"...Um." Maria raised a brow. "She's undead, if that counts."
Bradley furrowed his brows, looking tired. "You didn't manage to save Sally?"
Wait, what! "I could've saved Sally…!?"
"Tell me about Matt. Did you help him?"
What! "Help him with what…!?"
"...So you let him kill Sally."
I shrugged! "I don't even know where he is now!"
"And you're helping Genkan and Shimokoa go on their rampage they had planned, I assume?"
Excuse me…!? "Say what!?"
Genkan responded to that! "I did what?"
Bradley shifted his posture! "Did the situation change? I'm only figuring you did that because you seem too stupid to stop them."
"Yes. The situation did change." Genkan told 'em! "I'm peace-loving. And, Shimokoa has been… spoken with. I'm not sure if she's become less violent. But…"
Maria spoke up! "Hey. The me from your world. What's she like?"
Bradley just stared at her blankly for a moment. "...Overworked. Bored. Shy. Too damn chatty when you get to know her."
"Oo— oh." She let out a relieved breath. "That's about what I thought. I'm… in a way, almost glad it all happened. Mom dying. I wouldn't have the friends I do now otherwise."
He centered his gaze on me. "I guess you're not doing all bad. Still..."
He aimed his pistol at my face oh god. I'm not getting shot again today!
Fwi-Click! Instinctively, I summoned the lunar jacket accessory back on so I could benefit from the energy shield! "Son."
"You're not better than me. Always remember that."
That was pretty pointed! "Hoh? Why's that?"
"You're still a child. You're me, before I met Koa, before I did anything good with my life. You're a loser. I'm a winner. You're a kid, and I'm an adult."
Y'know, I've gotta ask… "How can ya kill people for a living? And be okay with that?"
He flicked his eyes up briefly. "It's community service. It's a fact of life. When people say others die of natural causes, sometimes they might just be talking about me. I'm the cause to effect." Holding his silenced pistol closer, he looked along its black details. "Fate is a funny thing. I'm sure Remilia's told you all about it."
"Yeah?" I was kinda in disbelief how full a' himself he was!
"I'm the hand of fate." He licked his pistol's barrel.
Brittany pouted at him. "If you were a hand of fate, you'd serve nature, dummy."
He snorted, lookin' so cold. "Shut up, dumbass."
Brittany recoiled! "How dare you!?"
Komi lumbered out from around Brittany's side. "You ought to shut up yourself, or you might get eighty-sixed."
Bradley aimed his silenced pistol at Brittany in response!
Koi, Namori and Komi pulled a "get down mister president" and all leapt into the way! "You…" Komi was taken aback. "You fuckin' monster. Put that thing down. That ain't a funny joke."
Bradley smirked, lowering his pistol. "I'd rather kill myself than be like you."
Maria spoke out, all of a sudden. "What's wrong with you? Stop pointing that thing at people." She had her own lunar coat worn over her dress all of a sudden, its energy shield becoming obscured as its charging just finished.
Bradley paid attention to her, then pointed it at her too.
"Hey!" Genkan yelled. He didn't change his aim.
Maria didn't back down. "You know what kind of threat that is, right?"
"I know. I just love to see you idiots squirm." That leer on his face, holy shit. "You're all that afraid of dying? …I know you are, Yamada. Your revenge isn't over. But I could end it all right here."
Realization flared in my mind. "At least we live for ourselves. At least we're not someone else's dog."
Stepping closer, he worked at his own neck with a black-gloved hand. "You're not tough shit," he affirmed. "You have nothing to fucking show for yourself. You look at me and you tell me what I look like."
"Uuh, stupid. Stupid. Stupid, for five hundred dollars!"
"That's right. Stupid. Stupidly cool. Someone to be jealous of. Someone who gets their way. Someone who represents everything you hate. Because you just don't have enough balls to let your pride go."
Hah? "Pride…?"
"Yeah, dumbass." Bradley took another deep breath. "Tell me, Brad. If someone killed Genkan, what would you become?"
Well… "It'd hurt! That's for damn sure!"
"Exactly. It'd hurt, because you forgot what losing everything was like. You're worthless and weak. I'm going to kill you, your girlfriend, your magician friend, and nobody will ever have to think about you again." He pointed his pistol at Brittany. "Same goes for the transvestite over there."
Brittany braced her teeth, registering the threat.
"Just what is growin' up?" I had to ask.
Bradley looked at me like I was stupid! "If you have to ask, you don't know."
"Son…"
Bradley's face twisted in some disgust. "Stop quoting your fucking dad."
I held my arms out! "But it's funny!"
"It's not funny. It's sad."
"Yeah? Well, you're funny and sad, 'cause it takes one t'know one, right? Chill your ass out an' stop shootin' people!"
Brittany interjected! "You're just sad we have more friends than you! Your identity revolves around being a weapon 'cause being a weapon is all you're good for!"
Bradley cracked his apparently eternally stiff neck, but didn't reply.
Koakuma was the one who replied! "Bradley is not just a weapon. He's my weapon."
"Exactly." He rode her charisma to excuse himself from replying.
I spoke up. "Is Koakuma your friend, though?"
Courage, power, wisdom! Willingness to make change, ability to make change, and the knowledge to know what should even be changed. I'd say each of us represented more one than the other, except Brittany's not uh… not really wise. She probably knows a thing or two about fairies and nature more than me, but like, that's just fairies. And Bradley's kinda just got the gun thing goin' for him! Wouldn't that be only the willingness to make change, considering he's willing to shoot guns, but the guns are the thing doin' the actual job for him?
"Who the fuck refers to people as friends?" Bradley shivered with energy and struck a pose with his gun. "This isn't ABC kids, son."
Okay, yeah, they're just freakin' stupid, the whole triforce allegory doesn't really check out. "Well, I think you're all freakin' stoopid. Let's play Mario Party!"
Brittany was so caught off-guard she agreed! "Ooh!? Mario Party!? Hell ye—"
"No." Komi finished! "Hell no. Brittany, don't fucking lose track now."
"Oh— right. Shit. It's just— I haven't, um…"
"It's just nothing. Don't let this fucker get to your head."
Bradley shook his head. "I'm not playing video games. I have much more important things to be doing."
I held my arms out! "Why've we gotta be all aggro? Y'guys might be freakin' losers, but—"
"I'm not the loser! You are!" Bradley suddenly announced!
Brittany was bratty again! "Yeah, I was about to say, that's rich coming from this spineless hobo! I bet you haven't even bathed today."
Genkan softly interjected. "We did…"
Bradley took a moment to try and subtly sniff at his own shoulder, suddenly self-conscious. "You smell good," Koakuma gently affirmed. Hehaha!
Damn, guess they're just pissed the fuck off. "Well, I tried." Wait. "Aw, dude. We could play in traffic. Maria, smack that fluff!"
Maria gave me a neutral look! "What?"
"Gimme that fluff. I wanna eat that fluff! ...And y'know, a loaf of bread is like, a requirement to play in traffic. The fluffle cushions the impact!"
Genkan chuckled! "Shut up."
Anyway! "Nice meetin' you guys! But you're still a buncha sticks in the mud, so I'm goin' home!"
But, when I looked back, the mirror we came from was gone. Woah no, man.
"Hahaha…" Bradley brushed a black-gloved hand through his hair. "That's— a good question actually, how the fuck do we go home?" He looked back at his mirror, but it was also gone!
Brittany sneered a twisted, regal smile. "I have no idea."
"Oh, right." Bradley remembered what he wanted to do. "We're not gonna talk about that, 'cause I'm just gonna kill you."
I scratched my head. "Why?"
"Uh…" Bradley took a moment to think about it!
"Because you all represent inferior timelines?" Koakuma suggested. "Makes sense to me."
"Oh, yeah. You're all ghosts of my past." Bradley aimed his pistol at us again! "There's no reason for me to feel any guilt over killing you. That's why I'm gonna do it."
Uuuh, huh. Wait, I had a question. "D'you think Ganondorf was an idiot?"
"...Huh?"
"Ganondorf. You know, big Gerudo dude, truly massive lad?"
"I don't fucking know. I haven't thought about Zelda in years."
Huh. I was gonna say, Ganondorf can't be that stupid, right? He's like, a dark evil wizard on top of being crazy strong. But maybe it's 'cause he has all that power and ability to make change and uses it like an idiot that he's, well, an idiot despite it all. An' then he forces the dude with courage to get power and wisdom for himself so he can actually kick his ass. Courage, then, would be like, making the attempt despite being on the backfoot. Classic underdog stuff!
But… from Ganondorf's perspective, considering Link fucked him eighteen times, despite truly cosmic odds of failing, isn't Ganon technically the one on the backfoot? No matter how much force Ganon applies, entropy itself empowers Link to fuck him in the ass. Is he the brave one and Link the powerful one? Or are they both just both?
I mean, the real point's that Link intelligently responds to threats and Ganon does a combo and expects it to work without much forethought. But what about the things in life where no amount of effort works? Isn't Ganon brave for stubbornly resisting that? Well, I mean, maybe he's an idiot for not finding something else to do other than bang his head against a wall. Maybe he's got a good reason to do it? Like some tragic villain shit? Or… maybe he really is just stupid. Maybe this level of philosophy's over Bradley's head in the first place…!
"Listen, big guy." Maria asserted herself! "We don't mean any trouble. Let us go home."
Bradley aimed his silenced pistol at her.
"Go ahead and shoot me!" Maria yelled back! "You just talked about saving me in your world. Do you really think I buy your threat!?"
PING. He actually shot.
FWAM! Maria's energy shield flared, the bullet meant for her head. She stood there stunned, eyes snapped wide.
Bradley caught the ejected shell casing with a quick swipe of his other hand. After a pause, he cracked his neck. "I saw you put the shield on. In fact… I can see it in the air. You're all wearing energy shields. You were planning on fighting someone with a firearm."
"Then… it doesn't count," Maria decided. "I said kill me."
PING! PING! PING! He began shooting more. Maria gasped when her shield ran out of energy and broke.
KRING! Genkan summoned an ice blade to stop the next few bullets meant to execute her.
"Aa—" Maria chirped and fell over, eyes wide.
Slowly, Bradley stalked around the blade, giving us all an aloof look. "Heh. Thought so."
Vuuum. Maria's shield quietly hummed as it recharged. She began to stand back up. "You…"
"You flinched. You are afraid of dying." He dispensed a mag from his pistol, and drew a new one from a pocket. While he reloaded it, he eyed his gun lovingly. "That proves my point."
"How? How can you?" Maria was at her wits' end!
"You're all not the people from my world. If it makes this aching feeling chest in my go away— I'll kill all of you! This is the end of the line for you! We'll see if Brad cries or not when you're all dead!"
Brittany stepped forward. "I won't let you kill them!"
Bradley aimed his pistol at them.
"Brad—" Komi barked Brittany's real name, and moved to jerk her outta the way.
PING. Komi saved Brittany's life by pulling her before Bradley fired! He spun around three-sixty, catching the bullet casing that flew back behind his own head.
"If you think you're better than me," Bradley bared his teeth! "Bring it on!"
...Oh, god, the floor began gettin' all wibbly wobbly! "Oh shit! Life's turnin' into a cartoon…!"
"Huh?" Maria looked down— as we all began to sink into the floor! "Woah! Hey— waaah!"
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
We ended up in an ephemeral Voile library, fit with monochrome books of differing shades of grey.
Genkan, Maria and Ha-chan were near me. "Very… cool…" Genkan stole some of my vernacular to be sarcastic about the situation! "What happened?"
"We were pulled into the greatest metaphor of all time!" For some esoteric reason, we've been put into a more interesting arena arbitrarily!
"So…" Maria faced me! "What's the plan, Brad?"
Hmm. "Well…" Wait.
I turned around, just like— up and spun around.
Bradley was on the shelf over us. He just leapt down onto us.
Seeing no better option, I lunged forward and fuckin' kicked Maria in the gut! That's my plan!
"Uhf— nn!?" Maria collapsed backwards, dropping into a roll along the floor. Somewhat hilariously, she dropped her staff, and it just stood in place where she used to be…!
THOOM! Bradley landed loudly where she used to be, ribbed combat knife drawn in one hand, his silenced pistol in the other. Pushing from the floor, he took posture with both weapons held white-knuckle tight.
Swi- swish! He came at me! He drew his knife backhand twice through the air, trying to hook my face. Righting his other arm, he held his pistol at my head.
Genkan moved to grab him, but he pivoted ninety degrees after aiming to shoot at her.
PING- fwam! The shot dead between her eyes pelted her shield instead. "Ee!" She chirped, watching the sparks flare before her face.
Maria got back up, moving for her staff—
Bradley kicked the base of her staff, and it spun into the air. He threw his knife into the air, spun around, and grabbed Iron Beacon.
THUNK! Fwaash! He smacked Genkan across the head with it, breaking her shield—
THWACK! Fwaash! Spinning, he smashed Maria over the head with it. "Gu— aa…" Her shield broke too, oh god.
"Hraah!" Leaping into the air, he brought it down towards me with both hands!
I leapt onto my back and pointed both feet up! His eyes widened!
Click! My gravity boots' soles parried the oncoming staff he tried t'crush me with!
WOOSH! He was flung into the air, forced to abandon the staff once it carried him meters into the air. He committed to a backwards mid-air somersault.
Clack! His knife uselessly bounced against the floor besides me. He was planning on catching it after his fancy bullshit, but his plan didn't work out.
The girls' energy shields hadn't recharged yet. Genkan was already up, rallying herself with some spooky flourishes of her arms and hair. Maria was fighting to stand.
"Yeah!" I did a trick with my legs to nimbly toss myself onto my feet. I might not be very dexterious, but I weigh negative two pounds, so it still ain't hard to move around!
Genkan came at him! "I'm not going to let you—"
THOOM! He landed on a knee and one leg, and held his pistol up.
PING PING PING! Fwap- fwam, fwam! Standing in Genkan's way, holding my arms out, I literally took bullets for her, holy shit. These energy shields really came in handy immediately!
Maria drew her An Eternity Together— her time staff— from her backpack. "Stop!"
KA- KLINK! Ooh! She stopped Bradley in time!
Vuum. The air was filled with the sound of the girls' energy shields charging. Maria scrambled for Iron Beacon, while the rest of us got into positions around Bradley...
KLACK! Oh. Bradley was freed almost immediately. However, Genkan was able to approach him, her shield now fully realized.
PING PING- fwam fwam! He shot her in the head twice more, but the shield did its job! Since he hadn't seen her shield regenerate, he was fooled!
Fwish, fwish, fwish. As Genkan approached, his whole body was pulled to her left, then her right, then her left again. "Bring it on." He beckoned her with his pistol once he stopped.
And then— "Hah!" Sensing an opportunity, he leapt towards Genkan!
"Hup!" Genkan began spinning towards him, her big-ass cardboard fans held out in both hands! "Yeah!"
BAM! His knee met the side of her head. She powered through it, and leapt into the air herself. He landed, and—
WHAM! Genkan twisted her own knee into his face. He barely flinched. They both no-sold flying knees from each other!
"Hraah!" Bradley adjusted his posture, and thrust an arm forward to try and grip Genkan's stomach with three gloved fingers.
"Yah!" She dropped onto her thighs, accidentally escaping his pressure point attack.
"Woohoo~!" An' then she began her ground bullshit. She spun so rapidly, pivoting along the base of her spine, her ass, and her hips. She threw her legs all around, frost kicking up in her trail.
BAM! Bradley knelt and guarded with his arms, but they were blown out of posture! "Shit!"
WHAM! Genkan spun into his legs.
WHAM- CRUNCH! CRUNCH! CRUNCH! CRUNCH! His left leg repeatedly buckled, but he just snapped back into proper standing posture after every single one of Genkan's rapid strikes. Just— maintaining his casual "gun out" posture while he took incredible damage…!
Fwi- Click! Leaping overhead, I drew Hoarfrost Forecast and spun sideways through the air at him— two of the three links of my nunchuck hanger comin' at him! "Yeehaw!"
WHACK- WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM! The repeated multi-elemental strikes came down on him!
Fwish! He leapt back, dusting his arms off, heaving a sigh. "Come on! Get me!"
"Waterra!" Maria faced us, now holding Iron Beacon again, casting a spell on him!
Fluup! SPLAASH! Bradley was struck with a big ol' glob of water, just kinda taking it! "Goh!" His leg buckled again, but he righted his posture.
"Freeze!" Genkan spun into standing, spreading frost around.
FWASH! Bradley was frozen— but yeah of course not for long.
KRAACK! He flared his arms out, breaking from the ice with raw force alone. "Hguaah!"
FWISH, FWISH, FWISH. With three very aggressive motions, he'd glided through and between our party formation, focusing on Maria.
"Heyaah!" He leapt through the air, drawing a crescent through the air with his shoe's heel.
CLANG! Maria parried his attack wit' her staff! "Uuhn!" This entailed her getting sent twirling to her ass.
Comin' up with Hoarfrost Forecast, I flared both limbs of the tri-chuck nunchuck at Bradley.
WHAP! It hit 'em across the back of the head! "Ngh!" Bracing his teeth, he began to turn to me.
WHAM! I slammed 'em across his face again!
Then he slid those three fingers towards my stomach, poking me just under the ribs.
My whole body went slack, and I laid there uselessly before him. What the fuck?
He brought his boot up— he's gonna stomp me in the dick why oh god—
Genkan came forward, and just picked 'em up, the same way she'd pick me up. Spinning around, she threw him through the air!
Bradley snapped into a forward roll, sprang into running out of it, did a one-eighty pivot on his feet and ran back at Genkan with surprising speed holy shit!
FWISH! But, when Genkan tried to spin into him, he slid entirely around her.
Fwi- Click! I sat up on the floor, Red Scare drawn. "Eat shit!" Yeehaw!
FWAAAM! From it I shot a plume of hellfire at 'em!
Fwam! An energy shield flared to life!? He's got one in his suit too!? What the fuck!
BAM! He stomped me in the ribs, and holy shit that hurt! "Agh!"
From her backpack, Maria took her stun baton! "Hey! Idiot!"
Bradley looked up at her, snapping his pistol towards her with both arms.
FWAASH! Suddenly, Maria shoved the taser baton into him— and it lit his shield up, dissipating it!
PING PING- fwam, fwam! He fired into her, meeting her shield again. She doubled back, shakin' her arm around.
"Haah!" Genkan twirled towards him, flailing her right arm around in a clawing motion!
Whap! Whap! Whap! He braced each of them with just his left arm, protecting against the attack as it came at him from behind.
When I was back up, he focused on me again.
FWISH, FWISH. Swaying to my left then my right, he ended up behind me. "Hrraa~!" He leapt into the air, all of a sudden!
click- Fwish! Sliding using my gravity boots, I got beside him as he did triple fluttering kicks into the air where my head used to be.
FWOOM! With Red Scare, I shot fire into him!
"Ghh—" He hissed, twisting back around—
"Yee~...!" Genkan dropped onto her hips again, becoming a whirlwind of limbs and ice! "Haw!"
CRUNCH- KRKBOOM! "Hruaah!" Somehow, he was launched at me with blistering speed, flailing his limbs!
Fwi- Click! Switching to the Bawmber— the bomb hanger— I leapt into the air and punched it into him!
KABOOM! From the blast, we both went flying!
THUMP- CRUNCH- CRUNCH- CRACK! He ended up falling into Genkan's superarmored twirls, rotating in air multiple times as they kept juggling him, before he was launched from the other side of her entirely. "Ghaaa~!" The sound of his bones and joints crunching from each impact was incredible!
Then, despite his yelling, when he landed, he dropped into a somersault, twisted mid-roll into a sprint again, and just came at us!
Maria had Iron Beacon again, and held it high! "Fira!"
FWOAAM! A car-sized orb came out, holy shit the buffs from the clothing I had 'er equip were incredible!
FWA- BOOM! It exploded into a huge, fiery miasma before Bradley. ...But, once the flames dissipated, he walked out unharmed. Sniffing hard, he rubbed his nose with his gun hand. "What's wrong?"
Idea. "Maria! Use Waterra behind him! Genkan— go wild!"
"Waterra!" Maria responded, casting the water mortar.
"Ha-chan! Kick him!" I commanded her on a slight delay!
"Aye aye!" Ha-chan stopped hoverin' around uselessly overhead, and prepared to kick 'em!
Bradley spun around, dropped into a kneel, and prepared shots.
PING PING PING! Three bullets roared out. Me, Genkan and Maria all took shielded headshots.
"Huuh!" He leapt, rolling through the air.
PING PING PING! This time, three shots flew out while he was upside-down. One struck Genkan in her shielded midsection, but the other three missed.
GLOOP! When he landed, he twisted to face the exploding, car-sized water pillar descending behind him. His bullshit evasive attacks had wasted his action economy, and now there wasn't anything he could do to respond.
SPLOOOSH! The sheer blast from it sent him skidding back towards Genkan!
Genkan dropped to the floor, sliding under him, between his legs.
THOOM- CRACK! With a sudden thrust of her body and arms, she thrust a kick from underneath him right up his ass!
"Houh!" He barked, ascending to the air, the jugglin' beginning anew!
BAM- CRACK! His bones fuckin' kept crunching! Genkan began a spinning handstand, and the impact sent him hurtling towards me!
"Haa!" Ha-chan descended into him and kicked 'em from straight above!
BAM- THUMP! He bounced off the floor on his stomach. "Damn—!"
KABOOM! Running up, I uppercut him in the head with the Bawmber!
BOOM- BOOM- KABOOM! As he ascended, I rapidly bounced against the floor and his body, gaining repeated strikes on him!
"Nooo!" He let out a roaring protest as he was sent back into Genkan's handstand—
BAM! The impact of one of her forelegs sent him into a nearby bookshelf!
BAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAM! Her feet and forelegs met his face and jaw repeatedly, constantly ramming the back of his head into the shelf.
"Thundara~!" Maria yelled real loud, casting her magic!
THWAAASH! A huge bolt met both of them, Genkan's shield exploding from the impact!
PING— PING PING! "Ghaahahaa~!?" Bradley was lit up by the magic, his limbs tightening! He accidentally ejected his pistol into the air meanwhile!
Genkan dropped onto her hips, and became a whirlwind of limbs again.
BAM- CRACK! CRUNCH- CRUNCKRK! KRK! KRK! KRK! Bradley fell to his knees, then his face, seemingly ignoring all of the terrible force Genkan was inflicting to his limbs, just so he could hug the floor and get it over with faster.
Clack! Maria tossed aside Iron Beacon, and drew her karate staff! "Hee… yah!" Comin' up to them, she thrust it into Bradley's ribs.
Thump! The attack really didn't add much!
After a few seconds of him just breathing on the floor, his body shuddered to life like a sputtering engine. "Aaah…" Taking a deep breath, he glided back onto his legs effortlessly. "Shieeut."
Oh my god. "How are you still moving?"
FWAAM. Yellow light burst from his core, and his fairy wings emerged. Ah… so that's how!
He drew a second pistol, twisting to face me. "Well? Come on!"
Wait, if he had a second pistol, and a form with more strength, why didn't he just use that to begin with!?
PATATATAT! I ran to the left— and a volley of gunfire came at me, five shots pattering off my shield.
Genkan's shield began to recharge. "Brad…!"
PATATATAT! He held his guns behind his head and unloaded.
Maria ducked down, crouch-walking towards him…! Genkan's breath hitched, and she hugged the shelf, avoiding the gunfire that way.
I ran at him, and he ran at me!
PATATATAT! He leapt over me, as high as I could jump with my gravity boots. He fired down, but I leapt at him in turn, passing under him.
"Aah…" He landed, aiming up at me—
THWUMP! Maria came up and rammed her staff into his dick.
He frowned just a little harder. "Pftu." An' then he spat at her face.
She dodged it, eyes wide—
THOOM! Bradley did a huge backflip, sending Maria flying when the tips of both shoes snapped up and into her chin. "Uu!" Maria's saliva flew from her mouth…! Shit— that was the move Genkan used back on the lawn against that rabbit earlier!
When he was back on the floor, he glided up to Genkan on his heels in just a second.
WHAP! He pistol-whipped her, spun three-sixty completely unnecessarily, and aimed both of them at her head.
PATAT! Genkan dodged the gunfire by crouching and spinning into him with no rhythm.
whap. He was forced to cringe from the cute spinning motion. "Uuhf…" How'd that apply hitstun to him!? When everything else doesn't!?
And then, Genkan copied his move, doing a massive, sudden backflip!
THWUMP! "Aagh!" Bradley went flying back, eatin' shit super hard!
BAM! He bounced off his shoulders…
THUD! And his knees.
BAM! Onto his shoulders again!
Thud. Before, finally, resting on his stomach. "Haa— aargh…"
Okay so let me get this straight— he the ability to turn on unlimited ammo, and his pistols only just got set to automatic, and he had more superarmor, and he chose not to use it until halfway through the fight!?
An' then, as he got back up onto one knee, he fucking glided halfway across the battlefield. "Aaah…"
When he fought to stand, he was just next to me. "Shit…" Whaddaya mean, shit? You just used getting up as a teleportation mechanic!
Abandoning her martial staff, Maria claimed Iron Beacon from nearby again. "Ugh… Fireball!"
KABOOM! Bradley stepped out of the fireball before it could go off inside him. "Heh…" Beaming back at her, he used an arm to crack his neck.
An' then I had an idea.
Fwi- Click! Drawing Hoarfrost Forecast, I channeled mana into it, and floated into the air…
As I spun around, I magnetized the hanger, and let it go into orbit around me!
PATATATAT! He fired up into me— but his bullets were consumed by the magnetism!
PATATATATATATAT! "Hyaaah!" He held both the pistols sideways like an asshole, and just unloaded!
Genkan came up to him, and grabbed him from behind. He gasped, "What…!?" She bent backwards, and I'd realized what she was doin' myself!
THOOM! Genkan suplexed him. "Huaah!" Blood ejected from Bradley's mouth.
Maria stuffed the butt of Iron Beacon into his mouth while he was on the floor. "Blizzara~!"
FWAASH! Holy shit the impact of the entire spread at once on his head was fuckin' incredible…!
Dropping outta my spin, I landed next to them. "Woah…"
Genkan snapped back into standing, throwing Bradley beside herself.
Thud! "Nngh…" He tried to get up, but just didn't. "Hoouh…"
"Dude, what is your max HP?" I really had to know! "Half of these techs would instantly kill a human if they were hit with 'em!"
Bradley chuckled. "Heheh—… I've been… workin' out…" Dude, why'd workin' out make you fire resistant…!? How many bones did Genkan have to break to make you stop moving!?
"Fufufu!"
Brittany descended from the air nearby. "I'm impressed. Here I'd thought you would need my help." She had a smarmy sneer. "A pity, then, that I'll have to cut your victory royale short here!" Oh my god she still makes references but they're incredibly cursed.
Maria and Genkan inhaled, both standin' ready!
Thud— thud! Ha-chan got her ass kicked offscreen, and hurtled to a crashing stop next to us!
Komi, Koi and Namori descended from above, orbiting overhead.
"Hehehe! Hahaha!" Brittany held her arms out. All three of the fairies drifted down to embrace her! "Behold, Brad! This is the difference between you and me!"
FWAAAM! All three of the fairies became different orbs of colorful light, all of them combining in Brittany's core— and once they were all inside of her, a massive whirlwind was unleashed!
Their combination was imperfect, different styles of dress and details from each of the fairies used to comprise her forming an ugly combination of colors. "Fufufu…" She twirled around a dual-pronged staff, either end fixed with colorful table cloths acting as flags.
Fwi- Click! I changed all my equipment. I now had my dark officer outfit on, and had exchanged my racecar helmet for Reimu's bow!
My new gauntlets, Nikkou and Nari, were equipped too! "Alright, son! Let's play ball!"
"Do you know, Brad— why I am wise, and you are a fool?"
Brittany hovered overhead of all of us, magic humming from her wings, an ominous noise made overhead.
BOOM! BAM! BOOM! BLAM! She's droppin' bombs, dude! Oh shit! She's makin' like a literal bomber and just droppin' bombs!
Me an' Maria got out of the way of the line of bombs she dropped! "Thunderbolt!" Maria cast some powerful-ass magic!
THWOOSH- THWAM- KABOOM! Three matices of electricity came down from above and drilled into Brittany's form. Unlike Bradley though, Brittany was much less perturbed by non-fire based magical damage.
Brittany disappeared into light. A trail of light trailed to the floor—
Ding! Brittany appeared with a dinky-ass sound, and leapt towards me!
"Hehehe!" She leapt onto me thighs-first, wrapping her thighs around my head before I could react! "Hi! My name's Brittany!"
I almost fell backwards—
whump! Genkan leapt at us and unleashed a flying kick to Brittany's head, which righted us before I could fall flat on my ass!
"Ouu!" Brittany's voice whined. "You—"
PING PING PING! Bradley knelt on the floor, unloading pistols on us!
I staggered forward, the shots missing us, my face against Brittany's panties.
FWOOM- FWAM- FWOOM! Dark bolts emerged from Brittany, and she used her staff to direct them towards Bradley!
Bradley dropped into a roll, dodging them, and when he was back into a kneel he fired up at Brittany again!
"Reflect!" Brittany had that fuckin' spell!
PATATATAT! A reflective barrier was summoned around her, eating the bullets.
Genkan was doing dodge rolls behind me, trying to find an opening. Maria was sneaking up on Bradley…!
FWAM- KABOOM- BAM- BOOM! The magic barrier around Brittany exploded into pure light!
"Agh!" Bradley was blinded!
Wham! Ha-chan suddenly slipped in between the explosions and punted Brittany!
"Aah!" This threatened us to both fall over again— oh shit!
whump! Genkan kicked me in the ass to stop us from falling over!
FWOOM! Bradley suddenly lit up with yellow heat! "This is the end for you!" He twirled both pistols around in his hands, spun around—
"Wattera!" Maria aimed her staff at his face.
SPLOOSH— OOSH— FWOOMP! The water immediately all became a cataclysmic wet blast before his face! "Uuhn— oof— hraagh!" He flinched in place twice, no-selling the blast, before the third tick of knockback totally took him off his feet!
FWASH! While he was in mid-air, Genkan froze him!
BOOM! His frozen form met Brittany, scooping her off my head! "Waah!"
KRAACK! He broke from the ice mid-air.
Thud! Thud! Both Bradley and Brittany rolled to a stop before us.
"Power!" I held a generic plant hanger in the air! "I summon you!"
"Yahoo!" A warp pipe appeared in the carpet before us, and Mario emerged! The Super Mario! He's here!
Brittany double-took! "Ma— Mario!?"
Bradley aimed both pistols at him! "Eat shit!"
PATATAT! He mag-dumped them both!
Fwish! Mario flung his cape out, oh my god.
THUMP! THUMP! Red geysered outta Bradley's suit, his own bullets piercing him. His jaw hung agape.
Boing! Mario ran at him and jumped.
WHAM! Mario jumped offa' his head, bouncing the dude against the ground! "Agh!"
Ding! Brittany teleported before Mario, leaping to clamp her thighs around his head!
Mario dropped into a slide, avoiding the attack, before dropping into a breakdancing manuever! "Woah!"
WHAM! Bradley was sent rolling along the floor by the big legsweep Mario did! "Hugh!"
Brittany sailed straight towards Genkan, who has slowly and ominously approaching the exchange!
CRUNCH. Genkan just threw a kick— straight into Brittany's crotch, as Brittany descended from her attempted thigh-attack on Mario.
Thud- thud- thud- thud! Immediately, Koi, Namori, Komi and Brittany all decombined! "Aaaaa!" They all screamed, clutching their crotches in unison!
Bradley leapt back onto his feet, aiming at Mario again! "This isn't over—"
"Here we go~!" Mario leapt into a long jump past him!
He spun to face Mario, but Mario had traveled in a C around him in mid-air, moving backwards during his long jump to do so. What the fuck!?
Mario landed in front a' him again. He spun to face Mario—
BOING- DINGDINGDINGDING! Mario hit 'em wit' that Super Jump Punch! This uppercut caused gold coins to fall outta the guy, it hit 'em that hard!
Bradley flew meters overhead, limbs slack, body's heat still burning bright.
THWAM- THOOM- THWABOOM! I didn't realize it, but Maria cast thunder on him again, and three combined lightning blasts smited him mid-air.
KRING! The moment he fell to land, Genkan summoned her ice blade under his ass.
CRUNCH! He struck it, bounced off of it, and landed limply on the floor.
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
After the violence had settled, we were back in the mirror room.
"I didn't get to… use any… of my powers…" Brittany huffed, holding her groin.
"God… damn it…" Bradley grit his teeth. "Why won't… you… fucking die?"
I gave them a nod. "You guys are hypocrites. Really. You really are."
Bradley and Brittany both gave me questioning glares.
"It's not complicated. Bradley, something's bothering you. I dunno exactly what. Same goes for you, Brittany."
Bradley barked. "Am— am I the only one who remembers life on the outside!? What your relatives did to your dad!? What your life could've been if they were smarter!?"
Brittany huffed. "Do you know how much you've missed? Komi and Koi and Namori— and all the other fairies— know what it's like to truly be free. To embrace fantasy! Being a fairy is perfect! I know you'd like the change!"
I shook my head. "You've both got something to prove. Some kind of pain to fight. And I'm here to tell ya: I'm honestly all fuckin' for it. But the moment you gotta make me defend myself— you make a hypocrite outta me. I do my best only to give others what they're owed. Can't you see? If we fight each other, we're only gonna get stupider. Honestly, I could use a li'l more power and wisdom. An' the both a' you could use a little more courage."
Brittany sighed. "Oh, you… motherfucker. Stop making video game references, they're so fucking cringe…"
Bradley shook his head. "Shut up, Bratty."
"Oh, okay, Badley. You know why you're Badley? 'Cause you're bad."
"Yeah, sure, Bratty."
"Calling me Bratty gives me an erection…"
Bradley promptly began laughing his ass off! An' then I started laughing! An' then Brittany began laughing!
"Hehahaha!" Yeeah! Let's chuckle it up!
Maria rubbed her temples. "I'm… so done. I thought I was the one with an alter-ego problem."
Genkan was blindsided by that! "...You— you did?"
"Nevermind." She didn't wanna explain her dark queen aesthetic to Genkan! "That was… fun, in a screwed up way."
"You know what?" Bradley sighed. "You ain't so bad, Brad. Maybe we oughta get some drinks sometime…"
"I, uh, don't drink booze."
"You're a fucking disgrace." He shook his head! "Okay, nevermind, I forgot, you're a huge pussy. Well, whatever." He looked at the mirror behind him. "I'm off. May your woes be many… and your days few."
"Yeah, yeah." Seems like he's still pissed.
Brittany shook her head. "Let's go, guys. Pursuing this all was a mistake. I knew they wouldn't budge, I knew it."
Komi sighed. "Yeah, whatever…"
Bradley an' Brittany unceremoniously leapt into their mirrors. Brit's fairies followed her out. Koi briefly paused to stick her tongue out at us, then left.
I snorted. "Well, that was fun."
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
A warm fireplace crackled before us.
Genkan sat on a chair with a big ol' place to recline your legs, s'like half-bed half-chair. But instead of reclining, she just sat there with her legs balled up to her chest.
Ha-chan sat before the fire, a peaceful expression on her face, running her cyan nails over the fabric of her kimono. "You know… that other Brad was able to merge with his fairy girlfriends."
"Hoh. Yeah."
"Why can't we do that?"
I shrugged. "I dunno! I hardly got the chance t'use my gauntlets 'cause I got freakin' grappled immediately."
"Mmm…" Ha-chan let out a warm hum.
Genkan felt at her renegade coat, then looked up at her bangs, as if trying to look at her long straight pigtails. "...We need to dress you up, Brad. Into something actually nice, for a change. Everything you wear is for the statistical and strategic value. Do you not get tired of that?"
"I have never thought of fashion once in my life."
"Me either. As they say, you never know what you have until it's gone."
Yeehaw! "You're pretty like that, though!"
"I know. I was talking about you. Your existence nullifies fashion."
"Uh oh."
Maria stepped into the room, with a cup of cocoa. "Yeah, well… what would we even do? Take his shirt off? Brad's kinda cute without it, but somehow he becomes less cute without his pants on."
"It's the same reason Brad gets all embarrassed when I'm in my bra or a bikini, but gets calmer the moment my top comes off. It's all about our imagination. …I'd suggest we put him in a nice suit again, as I have, but meeting his brain-damaged self who was wearing one slightly soured that idea."
Maria licked her lips. "Maybe one of those coats that show off the abs. They're… super trashy. But I think that fits him."
"What abs?" Genkan smiled!
"Doesn't matter. Still cute. It's cute on you, it'll be cute on him too."
"Oh, right." Genkan looked at her own smooth midsection. "I suppose I don't have abs either."
"It'd be weird if you did," Maria decided. "Muscles are… something. But I like how you look. You're soft."
Genkan nodded. "I wasn't going to say anything, but you seem obsessed with my breasts. I hadn't even noticed the first time, but it's gotten increasingly obvious the more I pay attention to you. Here I am, relaxing in the baths, and you're practically melting because you got to touch me."
Maria's face was getting redder. "It didn't help that the first time we took a bath together you touched me all over!"
"Because I was washing you."
"But it was so weird!"
"Skinship isn't so weird among my kind," Genkan reflected. "...Human shame does make sense now, however. I suppose it's partially the fault of youkai like me. Though, the youkai got it from somewhere, of course."
Maria pouted. "Says you. You still get weird whenever people talk about Brad screwing you."
"Well, he's Brad. It only makes sense. His mask he shows to people he only meets once in a while is very different to what he shows us. Everyone who doesn't know better looks at me like I've done it with a wild animal."
"wild animal" A fluffle paddled out from under the chair-bed thing!
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
Brad, the Fluffle Slayer, Fairy Slayer, Accidental Human Slayer, Robot Demolisher, Ph. D in Plant Hangers, Scarlet Liberator, Village Liberator, Eientei Crucible, Sinker of the Flufftanic, Factory Disassembler, Assembler of the Legendary Air Ride Machine, Sky Climber, Amateur Espionage Practitioner, Illegal Fairy Harborer, Conscientious Party Member, Winter Warrior, Village Revolutionary, Has Forgotten What Half of These Titles Stood For, Holder of Too Many Titles - Human outsider who frequently changes equipment to suit the situation, but is mostly known for cheating winter in his camouflage kimono that makes him ice resistant to the point of immunity.
BASE SKILLS:
Lucky Star - Non-elemental magic that does very random damage to one target. The star is summoned from above, and simply coasts into people.
Scent Pillow - A spell taught by Koakuma. The end-game strat, dude.
World's Wimpiest Fireball - A spell learned from a book given ta me by Patchouli. Not very good for anything…! May dry out targets.
Lumen - Low-grade holy spell that eats mana. Requires a source of holy to actually be cast. Homes in on an enemy and deals a burst of mediocre holy damage.
Quintuple Jump - The good skill. Allows the user to completely cancel their falling momentum and jump again. Brad can do this up to five times, aided by the power of nature on his last jump.
Sky Star - Mid-air evade which consumes a jump and sends Brad spinning away. Only possible with anti-gravity boots equipped.
COMBOS:
==NERF Marauder Combo==
A wimpy, back-and-forth slapping motion, one hand on the very bottom tip of a hanger's handle. Relies on the weapon itself to just bean a person's head! The way it works allows attacks to be chained together easier.
Reflex IX-1 - Reeling the plant hanger over his head, Brad charges it with magic and just fuckin' whunks it down like a club! Weapon effects are stronger. Attack is stronger with great hangers. Known as Cleave to actual swordsmen!
Secret Strike AS-1 - A sneaky turning-around underarm stab which can catch opponents off-guard. Known as Tonfa Turnaround, 'cause it's a tonfa technique.
Barrel Break IX-2 - Reeling the hanger back like a bat off his second attack, Brad freakin' clubs a guy across the head with it! Or, tries to. Big stagger and knockback potential! Known as Batter Up to bat wielders!
Switch Shot EX-3 - Inspired by Shou's tonfa-related techniques. Seeing an opportunity, Brad uses the back of a plant hanger's protrusions to pull an opponent past himself by the neck, before rolling the hanger over and into their head. Works best on weaker foes. Known otherwise as Essence of Tonfa * Third Gear. Works best with smaller hangers with protruding details.
==Nunchuck Combo==
A series of slapping motions up-close which may transition into whirling elemental combo attacks.
Revolver - In mid-air, Brad snaps into a barrel-roll, holding onto one half of his nunchucks of choice, letting the other half strike foes repeatedly. Deals impressive combo damage, but leaves Brad very open afterwards. Effective on aerial targets.
==Brad Moves==
Physics and party playtime which ultimately results in sudden, hilarious bursts of damage. Involves convoluted setups and some luck.
Freakin' Impact - Using the Bawmber specifically to uppercut a foe, Brad uses the knockback to land many recursive blows. Hits 1-5 times. Brad takes half of his total damage as recoil; as such, the raw damage isn't high, but the knockback leaves the enemy open and staggered.
Crucial D'Effrayeur - A variant of the hell wheel finisher, only possible after being launched way up in the air, and if Brad restores his jumps with an object. Whirling down, Brad lands a critical hit with seismic impact, which amplifies on-hit effects.
Ascension Game - Brad summons the yin-yang orb gifted from Reimu while in mid-air. Its weight and the physics behind it allow him to break his fall, as well as restore his jumps.
The Plant Hanger - If a blast near Brad launches him, he may land a critical hit using One Million Revenants. Huge holy physical damage.
INVENTORY:
= = ►[Bag of Holding] - The best piece of equipment…! It's good, dude! Infinite enough inventory space!
= ►PLANT HANGER ARSENAL ► =
[ ] Fallen Comrade - Huge great hanger made of three smaller ones. Sharper Than Darkness is used at the front edge of it with its sickle facing out. Swordbreaker is along the broad front edge to engage blades. Hard Winter makes up the backbone of the thing and the hilt so that it's actually wieldy! Dark, ice, earth elemental weapon.
STATS:
Slightly debuffs target's physical attack on impact.
50% Dark resistance.
Attacks are darkness elemental.
Sickle end may make opponents bleed.
SKILLS:
Revenge - Skill that increases in strength when health is lower. Power doubles for each deceased party member. Power is increased by fifty percent for each defeated party member. Fairies count as defeated rather than deceased no matter what. Power and effects depend on current weapon. High accuracy.
Bloody Mess - User bleeds faster and longer. Oof!
Jack Hammer - Y'know, I have no idea if this still works with it as is…!
Generic Buff - Channeling mana into the hanger gives the user a marginal increase in physical stats. Moderate increase to physical defense and offense.
Pulse - Basic dark magic, which creates an influx of dark magic in an enemy's form and stresses their whole body. Reduces magic attack.
Gaia Seed - Basic earth magic which intensifies Earth's pull a little. May make targets slightly tired.
Gaia Bloom - Advanced earth magic, which intensifies Earth's pull, with multiple instances of hazy earth magic. Makes the target tired.
Tundra - Crate-sized spike of ice that erupts under people and throws them off balance. I suppose it'd hurt if you fell on it. Basic ice attack.
Ice Shard - Advanced ice magic. May freeze enemies. Creates ice magic in their body, before initializing fully by flash-freezing the air all around them.
Combo Plus - User artificially gets an extra hit. Can be canceled out of.
Combo Jump - User cancels out of combos easily.
Frost Trail - User leaves frost in their trail while jumping.
[ ] Lion's Lindworm - Hanger made of Fairy Harp and a guitar hanger thing I got as a music competition prize! It's pretty good, dude! It's— it's also windy, dude...
STATS:
Boosts the power of Wind skills.
SKILLS:
Gust - Basic wind magic. Pushes the feeble. Fee~ble…!
Fairy Dust - Weapon status effect replaced with fairy dust. Wind attacks with this weapon get fairy dust all over the enemy, reducing accuracy and senses.
Sick Ill Harp Cords - Get ready for my next great mixtape!
Combo Plus - User artificially gets an extra hit. Can be canceled out of. Obtained with combo technology!
Aerial Plus - Forced aerial support! It's vaguely easier to hit aerial foes with it! Obtained with combo technology!
Combo Jump - Allows the user to transition to jumping while mid-attack.
Combo Air Slide - Allows the user to transition to air sliding while mid-attack.
Aero Finish - Combo finishers deal air-toss status, artificially blowing foes into the air. Works best on human-weight foes.
Auto-Sucker - When this weapon is equipped, Brad will always lash out with it immediately.
[ ] Red Scare - A red and crimson plant hanger composed of purplish-red gems and crimson metals. Boosts the power of fire skills. Also has the good NERF gun attached to it!
STATS:
Danmaku may confuse the target.
Danmaku may degrade the target's luck.
Danmaku may berserk the target.
Physical attacks ignite targets.
Physical attacks may berserk the target.
SKILLS:
Hellfire Plume - A jet of hellfire. Berserks the targets, and isn't put out as easily. Not quite a grease fire, but unless it's totally frozen into oblivion, it ain't goin' out! Obeys fire resistance like any fire, though.
Fume - Makes hot air fume from the earth below. Might sear the feeble.
Berserk - Non-damaging fire spell which may berserk a target for a while. Can be removed with water or ice stuff!
Danmaku Adaptability - Now that there's a NERF gun on it I can shoot the good danmaku dude.
[ ] Deep Blue - A blue and silver plant hanger comprised of mysterious fantastical metals. Boosts the power of water skills.
SKILLS:
Freakin' Leaks! - Can produce limitless fresh hanger water…!
Geyser - Basic water attack. Gush of water erupts from the earth and might fling the feeble…!
Valve - I can control the water flow with this!
[ ] Bee-Fitty-Fore-Bawmber - A mechanical plant hanger enchanted to make big booms on contact. Made of a lot of weird freakin' parts and stick bits and piston things. Has a NERF gun slapped onto it too!
STATS:
Danmaku explodes on impact with anything, dealing knockback and splash damage.
Accuracy falls moderately when used to fire danmaku.
SKILLS:
Boom - Hitting stuff makes booms!
Danmaku Adaptability - Can also shoot the good danmaku, dude.
[ ] Fragile Flower - A cute hanger with floral designs and light colors. Aesthetically pleasing!
SKILLS:
Enfeebled - Wielder has halved physical defense and offense.
Cleanse - Basic healing skill which cleanses one target of all debuffs or status problems.
[ ] Dream Hanger - Non-elemental hanger. Black and unassuming metal. Currently balanced, and easy for Brad to use. Has innate magical properties to it.
STATS:
Increases accuracy slightly. Somehow…? So said Genkan.
10% instant death resistance. Hoh…!
[ ] Hoarfrost Forecast - Great hanger; previously One Million Revenants. Sun, holy, electric weapon. It's a pair of nunchucks, basically. It's composed of three "limbs" or "links" connected by three rope-like appendages (made of panties and cross necklaces) that combine in the center. A triple nunchuck! The first link is made of Market Gardener followed by Flandre Scarlet's modified Million Bucks, followed by the purple hilty bit of the Headless Horseman's Hanger. Youkai Inconveniencer is the second link, and Frost Broker is the third link.
STATS:
One link is warm as the sun. One link is ice-cold. One link is holy!
25% Dark resistance.
25% Holy resistance.
25% Ice resistance.
Boosts the power of sun skills.
Boosts the power of holy skills.
Boosts the power of ice skills.
Attack elements depend on the links used to strike (ranging from Ice, Holy and Sun).
Attacks phase through foes, dealing semi-magical, semi-physical damage.
Critical hits during blast jumps.
SKILLS:
Headless - Summons pumpkin-head danmaku from nowhere to assault targets. One spawns every combo-finisher!
Flash - Blinding magic. Works best on dark-elementals, but also works on youkai. Humans don't resist it, so it still works on them, with reduced efficiency.
Flashlight - It's a flashlight! Might blind dark youkai, I dunno…
Shine - Basic holy magic. Generates a holy orb in the target's body, randomly battering them with a raw holy gush.
Saturn - Electric-holy magic. Creates an expanding shockwave of electricity and holy light in an enemy's form.
Panic Attack! - Run faster when health is lower!
Air Slide Plus - Lets the user awkwardly air slide.
Glide - Replaces my double jump skill with gliding.
High Jump - Increased jump height while running.
Magnet Spiral - When Hoarfrost Forecast is twirled altogether in orbit around Brad, every hanger activated, it becomes magnetic, pulling in magic as well as iron. Restores Brad's mana with 10% of the stolen mana. The rest is unleashed in a magnetic burst when the technique is concluded. Enables Double-Elemental Revolver.
Double-Elemental Revolver - Only works when Hoarfrost Forecast is charged by Magnet Spiral. Depending on which sides of Hoarfrost Forecast are combined, Brad can deal combo damage on impact. Weapon effects are as follows
[ ] London Operating Cross - A cross that lets me summon good 'ol London, yo. Non-elemental in nature. Not actually a plant hanger. London herself uses Fireball, Ice Shard and Thunderbolt, but can only use a few spells before runnin' outta mana. Also fires diamond-shaped patterns 'a yellow, diamond-shaped danmaku. Hoh! Costly-ish to use…!
[ ] Neon Sparkler - Metal junk from a DJ booth called the MixMaster GIGA! Non-elemental… plant… hanger? Has a bunch of rod-like parts, and boxy metal bits, and stuff!
STATS:
Boosts the power of non-elemental skills.
25% Seduction resistance.
May cast Velvet Sparkles on impact.
SKILLS:
Velvet Sparkles - Weapon lights up, and gets sparks everywhere! When the weapon's fizzling, it might jolt foes, or stun them…
[ ] God Hand - Fragment of the fake moon from a past incident of Gensokyo. Contains magnificent amplified power if Brad channels it, but eats lots of mana.
STATS:
Moon-elemental plant hanger.
Immunity to stagger and berserk.
SKILLS:
Lua - Impacts while charged will deal extreme physical damage, but the recoil is just as extreme. May create lunar shockwaves on impact.
Hand of God - Magic focused through this while charged will become space elemental.
Lunar Scope - Magic focused through this while not charged is polluted with lunar energy.
God Shattering Star - Guarding an attack or magic spell while charged will unleash a blast of holy light. Dispels foes and may weaken them.
[ ] The Spirit of Giving - A big candy-cane with an easy grip! Even worse than plant hangers for combat. Enchanted with a powerful, unknown magic.
STATS:
Boosts the power of healing spells.
A consumable healing candy is dropped by defeated foes.
Health and mana prizes collected are also applied in full to party members.
Foes drop healing prizes on impact, which may only be collected by Brad and his party.
SKILLS:
Cure - The one, the only. Healing magic concentrated in a one-time burst of regenerative energy, bringing a party member in tatters back from the brink to full vitality. Has the eerie effect of making every encounter ten times as hard, as if the world's trying to compensate for something. Eats mana.
[ ] Magnetic North - Plant hanger made of some strange cobalt crystal, which projects magnetic fields.
STATS:
Foes drop mana prizes on impact, which may only be collected by Brad and his party.
Impacts drain mana from foes.
Impacts inflict magnetism on foes, draining mana and converting it into ambient mana, and prizes. Magnetism also halves the max shield of a foe, if they have energy shielding.
SKILLS:
North Pole - The closer it is to midnight, the stronger this spell is. The closer it is to winter, the stronger this spell is. Mana cost scales with these modifiers. Upon activating the prefab, Brad creates a magnetic schematic for magic to articulate to. May make a big ice tree, or may create a grand icy cataclysm.
Yin-yang Flail - A yin-yang with lots of rope freakin' decoratin' it! Hmm...
NERF longsword - 'CAUTION: Do not jab at people or animals'… you know what that means! Maybe one day this will actually come in handy…
NERF longsword: the sequel - Now I can dual wield these useless, narratively non-existent armaments!
= ►ARMORY ► =
[ ] Sighing of the Moon - Relatively harmless forgotten Lunarian relic, repurposed into a ring by Santa's folks at the North Pole.
STATS:
100% Moon resistance.
[ ] New Panties - Ha-chan, why, no...!
[e] Camouflage Kimono - The tried-and-true, the classic, the favorite.
STATS:
150% ice resistance.
50% freeze resistance.
50% dark resistance.
-50% fire resistance.
-50% burning resistance.
[ ] Kaguya Houraisan Disguise - Pink dress with lots of white ribbons. I'm not sure what to say about this...
STATS:
75% time resistance.
[ ] Yellow Racecar Helmet -It's like a really knockoff space marine helmet! It feels like it's got good physical defense, too… at least for my head.
STATS:
50% sun resistance.
100% freezing resistance.
100% blinding resistance.
100% electrical stunning resistance.
[ ] Lunarian Prototype Space Suit - A suit meant for combat in deep space. So far, it's only got the whole 'exist in deep space' part down…! Has an oxygen tank, but that's only useful if you wear the helmet to go along with it.
STATS:
100% electricity resistant.
100% freezing resistant.
Randomly casts Zero Gravity when it feels like it.
Zero Gravity - Area of effect spell which removes gravity from debris and the feeble!
[ ] Lunarian Prototype Deep Space Helmet - It's a freakin' space helmet.
STATS: (alone)
Fifty percent blinding resistant.
STATS: (paired with Lunarian Prototype Space Suit)
100% electricity resistant. Again, yo!
100% resistance to burning and being actively poisoned.
[ ] Testing Oxygen Tank - The oxygen tank used by the Lunarian Prototype Space Suit. Lasts for two and a half minutes. Not meant to actually be used outside of testing, but it's possible. Refills automatically in breathable air.
[ ] MP Prize Pin - A badge that allows the user to drain some of the enemy's mana, forcing it to become mana prizes on the field.
STATS:
Extends prize grabbing range. Yay…?
[ ] Sun Badge - A badge that looks like the sun. How interesting, dude.
STATS:
15% sun resistant. I need to smelt this into a weapon…!
50% resistance to blinding and electrical stunning.
Replaces the on-impact effect of all weapons with Sunfire Flare. Yuck…!
SKILLS:
Sunfire Flare - Flash of light that blinds everyone. Doesn't work on the sun-resistant.
[ ] Stock Outfit - Blue, long-sleeved shirt with a huge V-neck button-up collar. Blue sweatpants. Most balanced outfit.
STATS:
-5% wind resistance.
May make the wearer tired.
[ ] Retro Patchy Hat - A really old hat of Patchy's. It's freakin floofy, du~de…!
STATS:
Moderate increase to magical defense and offense.
[ ] Moon Crescent - Patchy's favorite accessory.
STATS:
Immunity to silencing.
25% moon resistance.
Moderate increase to magical offense.
[ ] Anti-Magic Amulet - Deep blue, crystalline necklace given by Patchy in exchange for a blue dragon's bone. I should incorporate this into an outfit too so I don't freakin' forget it, 'cause it's real important!
STATS:
Sharply increases magical defense.
[ ] Iron Cross - Big World War II medal! Freakin'- holy shit…
STATS:
Randomly summons explosion backup.
50% bomb resistance.
Stagger immunity.
[ ] Officer Hat - Nazi officer hat…! I better not get a million angry letters for finding this!
STATS:
50% darkness resistance.
Wearer is immune to instant death.
[ ] Officer's Coat - Nazi officer coat, too! Oh boy oh boy…
STATS:
50% darkness resistance.
Wearer is immune to being cursed.
Slightly boosts defense and magic defense.
[ ] Toyosatomimi's Regalia - Dress of the Crown Prince... of all Taoism or something, I don't freakin' know!
STATS:
100% Dispel resistant.
100% Blinding resistant.
50% Sun resistant.
Gives the user Bravery, improving critical rate by 50%, and reducing enemy critical rates by 30% while active.
Vaguely boosts defense.
[ ] Toyosatomimi's Earmuffs - Makes it hard to hear when worn right. Has an awesome symbol on the sides! I... have no freakin' clue what it means.
STATS:
100% Silencing resistant.
Immunity to all sound damage, including Mandragora-tier screeching when worn properly.
[ ] Toyosatomimi's Cape - Miko's fancy ass cape. It shimmers in the light!
SKILLS:
May be set to three different colors, changing cape properties:
Purple Mode:
The Prince's Will - Passive which constantly gives the user Morale status, preventing them from dying when struck by a blow that would fell them in one hit if they're of high vitality. Stops even Instant Death, although the wearer will be left on the cusp of death.
Red Mode:
Adaptive Combo Plus - Passively extends melee combo length on the ground and in the air by one.
Strength Up - Boosts strength somewhat.
The Prince's Strength - Boosts defense greatly.
Blue Mode:
Danmaku Plus - Each bullet fired has a 50% chance to be two bullets instead.
Magic Hastera - Mana regenerates 50% faster.
The Prince's Cunning - Boosts magic defense greatly.
[ ] Toyosatomimi's Panties - The prince's panties. They're purple and shiny...
STATS:
Improves movement speed slightly.
50% Dispel resistance.
Randomly grants Morale status.
100% Blinding resistance.
[ ] Carrot Medallion - Noob rabbit training tool, offered by Tewi to help me suck less at life!
SKILLS:
Essence of Pacifist * Unarmed - When unarmed, Brad gets an automatic evasion boost. +70% Evasion, but does not stack with magical buffs, and gets worse if he improves his speed naturally. Only works when unarmed.
=o=
Eientei Gamer Pro RX3 Laptop - One of Kaguya's clean spare laptops, with a free BunnySoft Suite subscription. Respectably powerful hardware.
Generator Router Modem - Staggeringly convenient Eientei technology, which sustains a minor power supply autonomously from ambient mana. Doesn't work outside of Gensokyo. Provides access to Eientei's internet connection, for use by modern devices.
Black Carrying Case - Soft case with foam-insulated inside to protect technology in transit. Could also be used for field trips, or adventures. Not that it's very relevant, with a hammerspace bag on hand…
Nintendo DS XL Charger - A charger which works on all big DS models.
(x3) Themier Lance - Metal lances constructed for the Themier brand of lance launchers. Inside, they have a payload that pounds the metal architecture of the projectile into a target, rending flesh, armor, and stone. Might go off if you drop them.
Reimu's Outfit - Shrine maiden clothes, dude. Holy resistant, but I dunno how much! Even comes with the bindings and tubes and ribbon 'n' everything!
Reimu's Ribbon - Man, that's cuddly looking. I need to hug Reimu now, dude...
Hakurei Arm Sleeves - No- teach me, how do you wear these!?
Remilia Scarlet's Mob Cap - Twenty five percent dark resistance. Legends say that if touhous do not wear this hat, they die dude.
Monk Robes - Doesn't really stack up to my other shit at this point! Wonder what I can do wit' it...
Gravity Boots - Boots that reduce the user's gravity! More like, propels them off the floor a little. Reduces the effectiveness of space statuses on the user. Really weird to control…!
Ed Edd n Eddy Sound Badge - A badge that replaces nearby noises with stupid cartoon ones when worn! I- I got it a few chapters ago, but just now added it to the inventory…!
= ►CONSUMABLES/OTHER ►=
Fifty two thousand, seven hundred Yen - Cash just got a lot smaller...
Four Health Potions - They give you youkai-like regen for like, thirty seconds! No chuggin' these babies to indefinitely survive the cold reaches of outer space. Unless the regen outdoes the asphyxiation, but I think I'd rather die by that point…
Mega Potion - Youkai-like regen for thirty seconds… except for the whole family! Applies to entire party. Good for when we all suck at life!
Four Mana Potions - Restores an average amount of mana, I think. More than enough for someone like me!
Three Panaceas - Cures all status effects. I dunno if it works on debuffs, though...
Akihito's Broadsword - Too big for me to use as a weapon. I wonder if I could use it as like, a tent stake or something.
Butterfly Dream Pills - Makes you dream of being a beautiful butterfly!... now, if only there was a pill for lucid or wet dreams, and then I'd consider Yagokoro the doctor to end all doctors!
Rope of Red Bikinis - Wahaha! Gonna getcha, son!
Some Fancy Key - A key lent to me by Brittany. Wha- why. What's it for…!?
Youkai Exterminator Badge - I still have this, dude! Yo ho ho! Allows me to not be considered a youkai by most guardsmen!
Yellow Star Gem - A star-shaped yellow gem. I really should've asked Patchy what this did…! It's shiny and luminescent, though.
Sweet Sleep Pillow - Doremy's nice cuddly pillow. Really soft. Random chance to survey you on pillow quality while you're sleeping.
Genkan's Sweet Sleep Pillow - It's also pretty poofy...
Another 3DS - Especially 'cause I picked up anotha'!
Picture of Sendai Hakurei no Miko Sleeping on her Side and Facing the Viewer while Drowsy - ...Yeah uh, what it says on the tin. Reimu must see this, dude…!
Masturbation Pillow - ...Genkan probably would've given me a look fer this, if she could! Wau…
Dark Knife - Where the hell'd this- oh, wait! This is the thing Genkan got from that fairy! She just slipped it in here while no one was lookin'...
Empty Combo Technology - Red, orange and yellow piece of plastic and metal, about the size of a plant hanger. Adding its magic to Lion's Lindworm gave it Combo Plus and Aerial Plus! Now that it's empty, it's just plastic metal stuffs...
Wasp Stinger - Let the crap pile o~n!
= ► TRULY RANDOM CRAP ► =
Tables and Furniture - Impromptu furnishings!
==o►o==
PARTY MEMBERS:
==o►o==
Genkan, the Yuki-onna - A bitter yuki-onna from Gensokyo's wildlands, mostly active in the winter, and on particularly cold days. Heals from ice damage. Commands powerful control over frost, and has a wide variety of ice-affinity attacks. Weak to fire and burning. Cuddly, dude...
SKILLS:
Ice Control - Freely use ice to make stuff. Inherent one hundred percent ice resistance. Negative one hundred fire and burning resistance.
Freeze - Instantly freezes one to two enemies. Low chance of working on stronger foes.
Creaking Freeze - Generates a spinning, magic snowflake in an enemy's body, which instantly freezes them after a moment. High accuracy.
Tundra - Precursor to Glacier. Weak spike of ice that serves more as a warning. Physical ice attack.
Glacier - Erects a massive blade of ice from the ground, dealing incredible physical ice damage.
Triple Glacier - Same as above, except with more sudden scope across more targets. Less accurate. More costly.
Ice Spin - Not the skill Brad thinks it is. Creates a ring of initializing frost around a wide area, with a high chance to freeze.
Ice Shard - Advanced ice magic. May freeze enemies. Creates ice magic in their body, and freezes the air around them.
Snow - Make it snow locally. Very minor ambient ice damage to everyone on the battlefield, including allies. Has a low chance to instantly freeze someone for no reason.
Yuki-onna's Embrace - Hug. Binds target close to her. Makes the target tired, severely lowers accuracy and magical defense, and makes them comfortable. Skill may only be performed by my kind. Negative facets reduced by ice and freezing resist. Someone with over a hundred resistance will be buffed and healed by it.
Yuki-onna's Entombment - Final, optional stage of the hug. Guaranteed instant death inflicted by the draining of vitality. Heals the user for the heat taken from the target. Does not work well on bosses or the instant death resistant. Instant death proc is nullified if the target's ice or freezing resistance is over fifty percent. Skill may only be performed by my kind.
= = II EQUIPPED ITEMS - GENKAN:
WEAPON: Fans
HEAD: None
TORSO: Absolute Zero Kimono
PANTS: [Absolute Zero Kimono]
SHOES: Plain Sandals
MISC ONE: None
MISC TWO: None
MISC THREE: None
RESULTING STATUS:
300% ice resistance [200% native]
300% freezing resistance [200% native]
-50% fire resistance [native]
-50% burning resistance [native]
=II= ARSENAL =II=
[e] Fans - Genkan's stock fans. The most balanced, and easiest for her to use. She doesn't use them often because they're just plain paper fans, so they're not very useful.
[ ] Heavy Tanker - Huge, metal-grey cardboard fans!
STATS:
+150% max HP.
Quadrupled defense.
Speed reduced to 25%.
Knockback effects halved.
100% Stagger immune.
50% Bomb resistance.
SKILLS:
Super Armor - When casting or melee attacking, user is way more knockback resistant.
Tundral Disaster - User can create a pinnacle glacier of ice, and then detonate it like a warhead. Half magical bomb, half physical ice attack.
Defender - Defense is increased in critical situations. Passive.
[ ] Fever - The tiniest pink fans...!
STATS:
100% Confusion resistant.
100% Slow resistant.
100% immunity to evasion debuffs.
Defense halved.
Attack halved.
Speed doubled.
SKILLS:
Break Time - Take a break. You've earned it, dude! Heals all MP and HP, if user is given some time to relax. User has to do three party tricks to get the HP and MP.
Hastega - Speed up the whole party! Doubles everyone's speed. Stacks...!
Rising Rotor - Do a breakdance move to fend off attackers and get back up!
[ ] Love of the Lindens - Pink, azure fan set which emanates a windy aura. They're traditional dance fans, too, fit with patterns of a specific type of tree.
STATS:
25% Wind resistance
25% Earth resistance
SKILLS:
Freeze Pose - Allows the user to freeze amidst a dance-style skill, and seamlessly combo into another.
Sunrise - Flourishing motion, filled with repeated three-sixty spins which roar into an enemy, staggering them repeatedly. Wind elemental physical skill.
BreezeFazer - Heavy physical skill, where the user coasts the wind to skate into their target, clotheslining them with a limb. User must be able to fly to use this.
[ ] Theimer M01 - Improved anti-tank RPG with armor-piercing capabilities. Huge weapon that must be slung over the shoulder. Known among lunar soldiers as "The Tamer". Only usable amongst the party by Genkan. Ammo and weapon are both held in Brad's inventory because they're so heavy.
STATS:
200% damage bonus against armored vehicles.
-50% damage bonus against people.
High chance to fracture bones and cause fatal bleeding in opponents.
Very long reload time. Has limited ammo.
Hilariously bad accuracy.
SKILLS:
Theimer Lance - Large metal warhead that gores into people and armor alike. Travels slowly, and does physical damage. Next to no splash radius; the rocket more falling apart than actually exploding.
[ ] Destroyer of Lands - A fucking huge pirate cannon that fires explosive cannonballs. Ammo can be purchased at Eientei, the Scarlet Devil Mansion or from Murasa.
STATS:
Five cannonball magazine? Where's it store the ammo…!?
SKILLS:
Shoot - Shoots a cannonball. Does massive bomb damage in a huge radius. Insane knockback to the user and foes.
=II= ARMORY =II=
[e] Absolute Zero Kimono - A better version of the stock yuki-onna kimono. Outfited with new royal blue and cyan trims. It's fun, dude...
STATS:
100% percent ice resistance.
Effects vary when not worn by her…!
[ ] Voyage in the Land of the Rising Sun - Sunlight kimono which severely debalances Genkan's existence. A symbol of love between Brad and Genkan, sacrificing her gift of the cold for passage and life in the sun.
STATS:
-200% Ice resistance
100% Sun resistance.
100% Fire resistance.
-100% Freezing resistance.
Halves the strength of all ice skills.
Increases the strength of all sun skills.
SKILLS:
Morning Sun - Genkan may emit gentle sunlight, staving off the current weather conditions.
Child of Dawn - Genkan emits a pulse of warmth, increasing the morale of her allies.
NOTES:
Cannot be worn by Genkan when it is cold. Removes a yuki-onna's need to consume heat and soul of humans, allowing them to absorb the summer sun's heat. Only crippling when it's ice-cold out or just above freezing.
[ ] Autumn Dress - An actually sensible dress…! Looks like generic villager garb, except prettier and with brighter colors. Even aged, it's still bright!
STATS:
Wearer is immune to tiredness.
Wearer is immune to holy weakness.
Wearer is immune to stunning.
[ ] Cow Costume - Female clothing, of some description…? I think! S'freakin' weird, dude!
STATS:
Increases breast size by 25%.
Increases max health by 50%.
Wearer is immune to dispelling.
[ ] Martial Slipper Shoes - Chinese shoes for Genkan, which frame her feet. They're teal.
STATS:
Increases the strength of kicking skills. Easier to perform in than sandals, that's for sure!
[ ] Dying of the Light - A ring forged in the heart of the North Pole. Emits otherworldly solar power, and could probably provide the means for a small city.
STATS:
100% Sun resistance.
=II= MISCELLANEOUS =II=
Two thousand yen - Pocket money.
Bagged Money - We still dunno how much Reimu gave us...
Peppermint - Yo- Genkan has candy…!?
Fans - Regular fans. Helps her spread out frigid air, but she mostly holds onto them for personal fashion, apparently...
Ninjas of Love - Novel? Yo- what...
Viking Rune - Reusable rune that summons a viking monolith. Once summoned, it greatly increases everyone's physical attack prowess, before firing a frost spark with massive freezing capabilities. Very costly to all party members. Uses two inventory slots.
3DS - Genkan likes to play the single video game, dude…
Portable Expandable Dance Floor - A bunch of cool flashy tiles that can be laid down on any surface. Yeah, woohoo!
==o►o==
Maria, the Actually Ordinary Magician - A villager from the human village. Shy at heart, but gaining confidence as she becomes comfortable with her good friends. Resistances and weaknesses depend on equipment. Can cast basic elemental spells.
SKILLS:
Fire - Small, homing fireball of doom. May ignite foes! Doesn't do much damage.
Fira - Slightly larger homing fireball of doom. May ignite foes. Bursts broader than the preceding spell.
Blizzard - Spread shot of big snowflakes. May chill foes.
Blizzara - Big spread shot of myriad ice chunks, with magical snowflakes whirling around inside them. May freeze foes.
Thunder - Random spread of bolts in an area. Basic electric spell.
Thundara - Random spread of bolts in an area which explode on impact with the ground. May stun foes.
Water - Briefly creating streams of water in the air around herself, Maria fires a slow-moving glob of water to burst on impact with a foe, or the terrain near one.
Waterra - Shielding herself with a sphere of shifting water streams, Maria collects a bunch of water from the environment around herself, and unleashes a huge bullet of water that explodes on impact with terrain or foes.
Charm - Boosts magical attack of self or an ally moderately.
Seduction - Skill that temporarily seduces a foe. Single target, and doesn't work well on bigger girls...
INVENTORY:
WEAPON: Iron Beacon
HEAD: Zephyr Bombshells
TORSO: Casual Freeze Clothes
PANTS: [Casual Freeze Clothes]
SHOES: Casual Shoes
MISC ONE: None
MISC TWO: None
MISC THREE: None
RESULTING STATUS:
75% ice resistance
200% freezing resistance
Slightly improved magical defense [native]
=U= ARSENAL=U=
[ ] Pine Frost Staff - Made with pine wood and an icy reagent.
STATS:
25% ice resistance.
100% freezing resistance.
-50% burning resistance.
SKILLS:
Ice Shard - Advanced ice magic. May freeze enemies. Creates ice magic in their body, and
freezes the air around them.
[ ] Way of the Tiger - A really good wood staff, dude!
STATS:
-75% max MP.
+75% max HP.
Weapon is very light!
Defense increased sharply!
Attack increased sharply!
Magical defense decreased sharply...
Magical attack decreased sharply...
SKILLS:
Staff Skill - Doing effective moves with the staff is a lot easier because of its combat design!
High Jump - User can jump a bit better!
Polearm Beatdown - Critical attack that users tend to pull off once their adrenaline is running high. Hits multiple times.
[ ] An Eternity Together - Grey staff, with a very, very intricate top piece.
STATS:
50% Time resistant.
User is immune to slowing and stop.
+15% max MP for every party member.
User's speed is halved for every additional party member.
SKILLS:
Stop - Freezes an enemy in time. Only works on weaker foes. Any damage the enemy takes while frozen is relayed to it on fast-forward once it's free again!
[ ] SafetyZap! OVERKILL Edition - Half baton, half knife taser. When the grip is, well, gripped, the edges of it energize with one million volts of electric energy. Very efficient self-defense tool which has an amazingly high chance to stun foes.
STATS:
When the skill is active, deals magic, electric damage. Stuns foes.
SKILLS:
Taser - When the handle is gripped, the thunderstorm begins.
[ ] Queen's Guard - A weapon which gives its wielder the ability to fight to the death in defense of that which they protect- and has the power to back it up.
STATS:
When below half health, or when morale is broken, unleashes an amber aura from the wielder. Provides total superarmor for a limited time.
SKILLS:
Harsh Buckler - A special ramming attack Maria can perform with this heavy staff. Will make nearly any foe buckle their knees and fall back.
Blood and Steel Meet Bone - When the user channels an amber aura, allows Harsh Buckler to instead be this attack. Elaborate amateur melee combo where the user flails their staff around, backed by pure power and adrenaline. Unleashes random spells on each impact.
[ ] Stubby Rapier - A shiny, brass rapier. Imbued with magical energy, for spell swords.
STATS:
50% dispel resistance.
[ ] Wood Staff - Training foci for magic. Not very good for much else. Most balanced weapon, and easiest for Maria to use.
[e] Iron Beacon - A big, somewhat heavy iron staff with a big lamp on the top of it. It lights up with magical light depending on what element is channeled into it. The panes of the lamp's windows are made of some kind of clear crystal.
STATS:
50% Time resistance.
100% Instant Death resistance.
50% Dark resistance.
Provides a balanced boost to magic attack and magic defense.
=U= ARMORY =U=
[ ] Casual Freeze Clothes - Casual, stylish villager garb. Bright blue shirt with a white snowflake stitched onto the front, and a tan jacket.
STATS:
50% ice resistant.
100% freezing resistant.
[e] Zephyr Bombshells - Premium, bomb-elemental fashion accessories which attach above the ears, making the user look like they're some kinda android from really old nineties animes.
STATS:
25% Bomb resistance.
Randomly summons kamikaze fluffles.
Makes befriending bomb-elemental fairies easier.
[ ] Snakeskin Eyepatch - Leather eyepatch that gets in the way, but may help on sunny days. Has a snake design on the outer face.
STATS:
50% Blind resistance
50% Dark resistance
[ ] Fulaffel - A fluffle that's kind, and will stay put on your head. Randomly summons friendly fluffles to help out.
STATS:
Randomly summons fluffle backup!
[ ] Donut T-Shirt - A t-shirt with a pink donut graphic on it.
STATS:
Randomly summons donuts in a large radius around the user, from above.
Doubles the power of healing items.
[ ] Small Jeans - Some small jeans for Maria. Kinda tight...
STATS:
User takes slight physical damage from rapid movements.
50% increased evade.
It's so tight, the pockets aren't a good idea to use.
[ ] God Empress of Mankind's Golden Treads - Huge gold boots that go up to her mid ankles! Yehahaah! Go Maria!
STATS:
50% Holy resistance.
50% Ice resistance.
50% Thunder resistance.
Boosts physical defense by 20%.
Increases stomping damage by 300%.
Decreases evade by 50%.
[ ] Scarlet Event Dress - A red and black dress worn by Remilia. It's small enough to fit Maria, though. It emanates the slight scent of wine and iron.
STATS:
50% Dark resistant.
-20% Water weakness.
-20% Sun weakness.
Boosts wearer's magic attack moderately.
Boosts the power and effect of life-draining or leeching skills.
=U= ACCESSORIES =U=
[e1] Hail to The Queen - A glorious ring with rubies, topaz and sapphire.
STATS:
15% Resistance to Fire, Ice and Thunder for each member in party. Includes self, providing 15% at base.
15% increase in spell power for each member in party.
[e2 ] Unwilting Crimson Rose - A pretty flower you can put in your hair! I- I think it's made outta plastic, or something…
STATS:
25% Fire resistance.
25% Ice resistance.
25% Thunder resistance.
-50% Holy weakness.
Slight boost to magical attacks.
=U= MISC. =U=
Magical Lens - When coupled with magic, this lens shoots non-elemental lasers. Gift from Marcus Kirisame.
Travel Bag - Item that grants inventory by holding more items. Wahaha! Eight slots.
Two Mana Potions - Alchemical blends which restore magic energy.
Sabbath Pamphlet - Dark brochure imbued with instructional magic, and desires from a land far, far away. Teaches Seduction to mages.
[ ] Lance Construction Brochure - Mass-produced lunar-grade instructions on how to cheaply and quickly construct lances of many materials on the battlefront.
SKILLS:
Construct Lance - Combine technical know-how with magic to create more lances. They serve as ammunition for Theimer, Lancaar, Yatsu-VB PL, Pzf. 98 Lanze, or Ultimortar anti-tank lance launchers.
[e] [LunarStorage: Recreational Model] - Allows extended inventory. Has an undefined capacity, but can't fit objects beyond a certain size. Allows Maria to draw any item at any time easily, as well as put them away. Exists as a square, red box of a backpack.
==o►o==
Hana, the Electric Fairy Maid - Snuggly fairy maid companion…! Healed by electric magic. Immune to electric stunning, 'cause yeah. Weak to earth, poison and darkness. Quick to become ill from poison.
SKILLS:
Little Zap - Basic electric magic. Zaps a target twice with static from above.
Random Electric - When pressured, uses random electric spells.
Electric Control - With true power, she's able to stun opponents into submission by touching them.
Electric Elemental - 300% electric resistant. 100% percent resistance to electrical stunning!
INVENTORY:
[ ] Hana's Fairy Maid Uniform - Stock standard uniform from the mansion! Cyan-tinted in places to match her hair color. Hoh…
[e] Crown of Frost - Royal garment of never-thawing ice. Surprise; you're the new holy roman emperor!
STATS:
50% Ice resistance
100% Freezing resistance
All melee impacts may chill foes.
[e] Worn Kimono - A soft, slightly frayed but nonetheless cozy kimono for Ha-chan to hide in during the winter time.
STATS:
200% ice resistance
-100% fire resistance
100% Freezing resistance
==o►o==
SHARED
INVENTORY:
[ ] (x3) Lunar Bunny Dress Jacket - Not actually a "bunny suit"! It's a suit's outer coat, fit with energy shields which add a second layer of expendable, rechargeable health to living beings it's attached to. Seems to only really apply to broad areas 'cause of some kinda specific material.
STATS:
Shield - Adds a static amount of shield, which takes damage instead of health. This hitpoint pool's resistances are as follows:
-100% resistance to electric, energy and laser attacks
-100% radioactive resistance
50% resistance to bomb damage
==== FREAKIN GENSOKYO ====
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
y'know i never feel like i fit everything into these chapters that i wanna fit… not out of a lack of scale either! but 'cause of my sequencing choices
but i've always been a fan of the way i end chapters and batches, it always gives me a lot of potential to work with regardless
any a' you still alive, out there? hoh hoh… i hope you're all doin' well. some of my readers have gone from highschool to college, and from college to work. crazy…
same for me, same for me. real shit!
there'll be another batch on christmas: look forward to it!
there's been a lotta fanservice in this batch… and by that i mean that one chapter of marginally fanservice! i kinda liked this trend of fan service immediately being punished by incredible violence, but it's purely coincidental - w -
i'm continually glad the discord link is primarily in the later chapters of this work. as it turns out, most people who can actually tough their way to the end of this odyssean epic are a li'l more perceptive and patient on average...
assume this is a compliment to you too, reader!
anyway yeah i've been writing a book lmao, it's a little harder than picking an idea and just goin'!
i had too many ideas, and it was very hard to settle on just one theme or one thing. but, going forward, i think i got some good ideas. i really shouldn't be overthinking it because it's not going to really sell no matter what, but i really want to say what i wanna say and finish it and be able to just call it damn good. i couldn't care less how it sells as long as it's a good read.
but, i've been enjoying myself with it. it's been difficult at times, but it's a kind of challenge and work i enjoy. y'know most people who i've told about it, they just kinda let out a huff and go "man, i'd hate to be in your shoes, that sounds like work," and it'd totally be a lot of just work to them, but it's more than just work to me
anyway…
this chapter pairs nicely with the rest, i'd think. i say this specifically 'cause rereading, i'd noticed some fun incidental foreshadowing and such which felt nice - w -
feels a little funny to indulge in fan-servicey things sometimes but these are very real concerns if so many young people were to party up for so long! especially 'cause this chapter was full of a lot of just travelling moments
in a ways it's a very "another batch" kinda batch but it has its own conflict and arc to it
the little moments of contrast and character vs. the resulting payoff of fanservicey stuff felt like a nice balance overall - w -
plus i enjoy the ways i've progressed the plot and theme while still having it feel natural and not like it's trying to rush into anything
and that's kinda important when doing plot: you want to say something with it, or show something, but you want it to be natural to the grounded tone where everyone's vibing too
i think i managed a good balance here
maybe next batch i can slot in summore incomprehensible memes, this was a pretty straight-forward batch
honh honh
See you all next time! And see you on Christmas… again!
