Even though I took those painkillers in the locker room before the game, my rib is still aching before we've even gotten through the first three passes. We're kicking the opposing team's ass but I miss a couple of easy plays cause I'm watching out for Kwan. The referee calls him out twice for the aggressive way he's playing on the field and even though he seems to make an attempt to chill, Kwan's still angry as fuck during our huddles.
He won't even come into the locker room during halftime so me and Keith end up hanging outside too, just watching him from a distance cause he won't let us get too close before he just walks away. It's bugging me that I don't know what's going on with Kwan because I'm usually the one he tells this shit to.
Almost halfway into the cheerleaders routine for halftime, Keith moves away from where we're standing and starts for Kwan. I wait for my teammate to return with another dejected expression but to my surprise, Kwan starts talking to him. There's a lot of wild gesturing at first on my best friend's part but Keith just keeps nodding and Kwan seems to relax.
The two of them wander a little further away from the field and I watch them go with some kind of feeling stirring in my chest. It's not exactly jealousy cause I know that I'm Kwan's best friend. But… I feel something about the fact that he's opening up to our teammate instead of me.
Coach has practically screamed himself raw by the end of the game but he's still able to shout about our victory, pumping his fist in the air along with the rest of us. I even catch Kwan with a grin on his face but someone pulls him into a conversation before I have the chance to.
The crowd floods onto the field, cheering along with the players, clapping us on the back and screaming about how amazing certain plays were. I see Danny in the crowd, grinning widely as he searches for me. I start toward him but someone taps me on the shoulder.
Lance Thunderis standing in front of me, giving me a smile that makes my heart race. His expression has a touch of concern to it and I guess my bruises are showing through whatever Paulina put on my face earlier. "Great job out there, Baxter. I'm really impressed with you," he says, only renewing the thumping around of my heart.
"He's not the only one you've impressed," someone says, standing next to Lance suddenly. He smiles at me, extending his hand. "Coach Raine, nice to finally meet you, Mr. Baxter. I've seen your highlight tape and I knew you were a great player but I've just now had the pleasure of seeing you play in person."
I numbly take his hand in mine and his smile brightens.
"Lance has told me a lot about you and I've gotta tell you, kid. It's been a while since I've seen a player with your talent," he says, clapping me on the shoulder. "How do you feel now that the Ravens will be playing for the championship title?" he asks, sliding his hands into his pockets as he talks.
I'm at a loss for words, stammering over everything I try to say and I fucking hate it. Words have never come easily to me but I can't let that be my excuse right now.
"Uhh… y-yeah, I'm uh excited… I think that we can win. Definitely, I have faith in my team." I shoot Raine a smile that he's quick to return and I guess I haven't fucked up yet.
Raine glances at Lance before he focuses on me, a smile still in his expression. "Lance has told me that you haven't applied anywhere yet or had any kind of offers," he says, more like a question as he raises his eyebrows at the end of the statement.
"Y-Yeah, that's… right. I haven't thought about where I want to go a-and I don't think that many scouts have visited Amity Park," I mumble, awkwardly scratching the back of my neck.
"Well, then let me be the first to make you an offer, Dash," Raine says, folding his arms over his chest. "DALV University can offer you a full scholarship and four more years to play this sport. 'Dash Baxter, quarterback for the DALV Demons.' Has a nice ring to it, huh?"
I can't deny how fucking great it is to hear and I want it more than anything. I want it so badly my bones fucking ache for it. But something holds me back from saying yes. This great opportunity is literally right in front of me and at any moment, I could grab it. I could fucking take it and make a different life for myself. Beyond Alex's garage. Beyond dad's anger. Beyond this stupid, small town. All I have to do is say yes and I just… I fucking can't.
Raine picks up on my hesitation and lets out a soft breath, allowing me an easy way out of this. "Why don't you come tour our campus over winter break? I think you might know your answer once you get there." He pulls something from his pocket and hands over a card with his name and contact details on it. "You can call me at any time if you have questions." He returns his hands to his pockets before the smile is back on his face. "I'll be coming to watch your team win next game so take care until then."
I'm left standing on the field as the two of them walk away from me. I'm still clutching the card Raine handed me and I can't fucking breathe thinking about this. I don't think my chances are fucked up just cause I didn't immediately jump for this but god. Should I have just accepted this opportunity without thinking about it? And why was my first thought about the fucking promise I made dad?
The local news station congratulates me and my teammates on the victory tonight before they start asking us questions, having each of us on air for around two minutes. The entire time I'm answering all the questions the reporter asks me, my mind's running with everything the scout and Coach Raine said about the amazing offer he gave to me.
Somehow, I manage to stay on topic with the questions and when the reporter starts asking us about where we're looking to head to college, my gut tightens. Am I supposed to say something now? Is this one of those moments where the town gets to know where the players have decided to go? Fuck, I haven't decided to go anywhere yet.
Coach cuts in front of us before any of us can respond and he says that's all the time that they can have, rambling about needing to have a team discussion. He tells us to head to the locker room but he thanks the reporter for her time before sending her and her camera crew away.
Keith claps my shoulder as he passes by me, jogging to catch up to Kwan. Shit… I almost forgot about him. In between talking to the DALV guys and the reporter, my best friend slipped my mind. Is he still angry with me or did the game make him forget about how much of a fuck-up I can be?
My teammates and I are herded into the locker room and Coach has us gather around, standing on the outside of the circle as he looks around at all of us. It's obvious from his expression that he's proud of us and he can't keep the smile from his face for long.
Coach inhales deeply, placing a hand on Seth and Mitchell's shoulders - the two players closest to him. "I'm… so proud of all of you," he says softly, his tone so full of astonishment, it makes my chest tighten.
He glances at all of us again, shaking his head as he claps my teammates on the back. "You've all done such an amazing job. Not just tonight but every game night. Every day at practice. This team really has the heart and soul of each of you in it and I'm proud to call you my players."
My teammates and I are grinning at his words and Coach looks like he couldn't be more proud if he tried. He lets out a soft breath, shaking his head as a laugh leaves him.
"We have two weeks to prepare for the championship game. And you're all more than capable of kicking their ass when we play them. I'm just… so proud of how you've worked as a team this year and the spirit you show on the field. If you show that same passion, that same fire in this game… the Ravens canbring home the trophy. I truly believe that this year's team can do it." Coach drops his hands from my teammates shoulders. "That's all I'll say otherwise you'll see me cry. Now get your asses in the shower, come on, hustle."
There's a lot of subdued chatter as the circle breaks up but Coach's voice is loud even in the midst of the locker room.
"Baxter, come see me in my office," he says, giving me a nod before he starts toward the back of the locker room. I glance at my teammates before I drop my helmet onto the bench and start after him. I barely look at Kwan as I pass him by but the expression he's wearing is an apologetic one.
Coach holds the door open for me and waits until I'm inside before he shuts it. He gestures to the chair in front of his desk and I ease myself down into it, letting out a pained breath with the movement. Stupid rib.
He pauses on his way to his chair, I guess finally seeing my face and I suppose the stuff Paulina used to cover the bruising really has worn off. Or maybe Coach just now noticed how fucked up my face is.
"You alright, son?" he asks, placing a hand on my shoulder. He gives me a look when I nod but he lets go of me after a second or two. A silence falls between us as he gets settled in his chair before he suddenly looks up at me with a bright smile. He just holds my gaze for a few seconds, practically beaming with pride as he asks, "So, what does DALV think of you?"
He laughs when my mouth falls open, nodding before he continues. "When I talked to some coaches from a few colleges at the beginning of this season, most of them were interested just from your highlight reel from last year. Coach Raine really liked what he saw, said there was some raw talent about you that he couldn't put out of his mind. He got in touch immediately after I sent him an updated reel from this season and mentioned sending someone to see you play." Coach clasps his hands together and rests his chin on the back of his hands. "So. What'd they tell you?"
My mouth is suddenly dry and I slowly draw in a breath, licking my lips before I'm able to think clear enough to respond.
"They um… I think they liked me? The uhh… coach Raine was… here tonight. He talked to me… s-seemed to think I was talented," I mumble, dropping my gaze from Coach's with a shrug. All this time… Coach was putting my name out there. Believing that I could get beyond a high school football team. Why didn't he ever tell me?
I push out a breath and though it shakes on the way out, I force myself to look up. "Coach… i-isn't it too late for this kinda shit? I thought… players were scouted the most in their junior year."
Coach's gaze drops from mine too quickly. He tries to appear casual with the shrug but he's not as good at bullshitting as I am. He briefly meets my gaze before he nods. "Yes, the majority of scouting happens in a player's junior year. But colleges still look out for senior players. You never know who might have joined the roster that year." He shrugs but it's obvious that he's still trying to be casual.
I drop my gaze from studying him and stare down at my fingernails instead, picking at a hangnail on the side of my pinky finger. I don't know why there's suddenly this awkward tension in the room. Did I say something wrong?
Coach sighs, dragging my stare back up to him. His eyebrows are drawn down as he shakes his head and I feel like I should know what that expression means. What he's trying to tell me is written somewhere in the lines under his eyes or the furrow of his brow or in the way his hands-
"Ordinarily, colleges go through the high school coach to get to the player. You've had a lot of people interested in you since your sophomore year and I tried to put things in motion but… after I spoke with your mother last fall… it didn't work out." His hands tighten into fists on the desk and I feel like they're wrapped around my esophagus as I try to remember to breathe. "She told me to never bring it up with you and got the board of education up my ass for a while, threatening to fire me."
He relaxes his hands. "Once I heard that she'd disappeared, I called every college that had once asked about you or expressed any kind of interest and I sent them every highlight reel I could get my hands on. I've had coaches and scouts at almost every game this year to see you. Cause I know that you deserve this chance, even if your mother doesn't think you do." He pauses then, sees whatever look is on my face and gives me an apologetic stare, shaking his head. "I'm sorry. I know you didn't want to hear that about her."
I drop my stare, studying the grain of his desk. Mom… told him not to talk to me? Why would she do that? I wasn't even interested in college last year but it would have been nice to know it was a fucking option.
Coach lets out a breath, dropping his hands onto his desk. I guess he realizes that I have nothing to say because he continues. "Baxter… you put yourself down a lot. Too much, in fact. And you end up having no idea how truly amazing you are. Not just on the field, either. Any area in your life, you… you have great potential to do amazing things, kid."
He leans forward and I look up to see a frown creasing his brows. "Don't let her or anyone take this chance from you." He looks like he wants to add more about mom but he shakes his head as he looks away from me. "Never in the history of my coaching career have I ever seen a player like you. Someone that's so talented, not only on the field but off as well. You have the ability to pull the team together better than I've ever seen with another captain on this team." He looks back at me, a smile cracking his features. "A lot of kids play the game, Dash. But you love this sport. Like no other kid I've seen. You have the kind of passion and drive that most coaches kill for and I'm honored to have been able to see it and coach you for these past four years."
I don't know what to say, only that my chest feels so tight it's about to burst. I have to drop my gaze from him, afraid I'll tear up or some shit if I don't. Coach must sense it cause he leans across his desk to pat me on the hand.
"DALV is a great college and I'm sure you know that. But you don't have to go with the first place that offers you something," he continues, easing back into his chair. "There'll be more scouts to come and I guarantee you, tonight wasn't the only offer you'll receive this season. Start looking at places now, son. Figure out where you want to go and let me know. I can put in the word for you if you tell me what colleges catch your interest."
Coach gets up from his chair and crosses in front of his desk again before patting me on the shoulder. "Come talk to me when you've done some research on these colleges and I'll arrange for you to meet the coaches." He squeezes my shoulder. "Trust me, Dash. You're gonna go far. A lot farther than you've ever imagined."
It feels like a dream to hear coach tell me these things but for once I'm not dreaming. This is actually happening. God, there's so much fucking hope alive in my chest, I'm almost choking on it. Thoughts of mom denying me this chance are crowding up my brain but I somehow manage to push them back and shoot him a wobbly smile. I mumble my thanks before I make my way out of his office, stumbling over the dreams I never realized didn't have to stay dreams.
I'm barely hearing the chatter of the locker room around me as I shower and get dressed again. My mind is running with everything coach said to me. Everything the DALV guys said to me. The hopeful feeling in my chest and the way every fucking thing just feels so much better.
Blake's acting really obnoxious again, talking about hooking up with Roxane tonight but even he's not getting on my nerves. I dry off and get dressed, my mind a million miles away from this locker room. I'm dreaming of places far outside of this town. Places where no one knows my name and I can start all over. Without anyone knowing about my dad kicking the shit out of me or my mom abandoning me.
Jeff starts asking me about what I'm doing this weekend but my thoughts aren't coherent enough to figure it out right now. I tell him I'll text him later and head for the exit. I'm so lost in my own head, figuring out what the fuck I feel right now, I almost miss Kwan leaning against the outside of the locker room.
He pushes away from the wall when he sees me and awkwardly shuffles closer. He opens and closes his mouth a couple times as he scratches the back of his head.
"D-Dash, I'm… really sorry about what I said. I didn't mean to go off on you guys… N-None of you deserved that… god, especially you. I'm so sorry. You know I don't think about you like that, right? I didn't mean to say what I did, it just came out and-"
"It's okay," I say, not just to stop him from apologizing but cause it's true. It's Kwan. He's been my best friend since we were awkward grade-schooler's. He could probably say anything to me in a moment of anger and I'd let it go. Still… it's nice to know that he didn't actually mean any of the shit he was saying.
Kwan lets out a soft breath, shaking his head as he looks away from me. "It's… not okay, Dash. I should never have said any of that. I was just pissed off and I took it out on you." He hesitantly glances back at me. "I-I mean it, I'm really sorry."
I shrug, leaning over to slug him on the arm. "It's cool, idiot." I hitch my bag higher up on my shoulder before I continue. "What pissed you off so badly? You don't normally talk like that."
He lets out a heavy breath and I'm guessing this is more than just the standard edition of shit. Kwan's gaze is trained somewhere in front of us and I don't try to meet his gaze. "It's… my parents." He scratches the back of his head, taking a step backward to lean against the side of the locker room again. "My dad's given up on family therapy. He… wants a divorce instead. He got a lawyer this morning."
Fuck.
Kwan drags in an inhale that sounds like he's shattering. "He wouldn't even tell me, Dash. My mom was the one that had to sit down with me and tell me what the fuck was going on cause he… wouldn't. And I get it. It's not like this is the easiest thing in the world to tell your kid but god, would it have killed him to just be there so mom didn't have to be the only one telling me?"
He looks at me, his bottom lip trembling as he shrugs. I don't know how to respond but it's Kwan. He's my best friend and I don't want to give him another shitty silence. It's all I've done since we were kids and I fucking refuse to do it tonight.
'I'm sorry' seems so hollow and it's not what he needs to hear. If he wanted to hear someone pour out words of apology, he'd be talking to his mom right now. Or fuck, maybe his boyfriend. I'm not either of those things to him and a simple apology doesn't cut it for us.
Without a second thought, I drop my bag at his feet and tug him into my arms. He stiffens at the touch and stays rigid at first but he melts into the hug with a sigh, dropping his chin onto my shoulder like he's finally reached his breaking point under the weight of the fucking world.
"I know this is hard," I mumble, feeling his ragged intake of breath rather than hearing it. "Shit's gonna suck for a while now. And you have every fucking right to be angry or upset or whatever the fuck you're feeling."
Kwan buries his face in the crook of my neck and the feeling stabs at my heart. No, Kwan. Don't be sad, please. I don't know how to deal with you when you're sad. You've always been the happy one between us, we can't reverse this. I have way too much shit to take up your position. It's not in my bones to be the one that makes everyone forget about their problems. I can't be the happy one, Kwan. I'm not like you, I can't-
I can.
My best friend needs me. This isn't just a bad day or something he'll be able to get over after a couple of drinks and a long talk. This kind of shit is gonna hurt. It's gonna burn. It's gonna wake him up in the middle of the night and make him question what he did wrong. And it's gonna take way too long before he'll be able to accept that it's not his fault. That it's never been his fault.
He's usually the put together one – always holding me up and making sure that I'm taken care of. But that's not his job tonight. He needs someone to look out for him and be the strong one. Even though I know that I'll never fill his shoes quite right, I can be that person for him.
He meets my gaze with tear-filled eyes when I pull away from him. I cup my hands around his face, using my thumbs to catch the tears that escape when he closes his eyes.
"This isn't your fault. You're not responsible for what your parents do," I say, finding words I could never believe before now. But I think it's fucking time we both start believing them. We're just kids. And fucked-up ones at that. It's not our job to fix our parents or to make them happy.
I don't know when the two of us started to take on the burdens of our parents instead of leaving that shit where it belongs but we've both reached a breaking point tonight. I can't let anyone stop me from going after the opportunity that's been dropped at my feet and like hell am I letting Kwan crawl behind his walls and let his parents' divorce be a reflection on him.
"You're not responsible for them," I repeat, pressing him against my chest in another hug. He loops his arms around my back and fists his hand in my shirt. He chokes on the noises sticking in his throat and I hold him tighter.
I gently rub the knots of tension out of his back and let him fall apart in my arms. Kwan doesn't deserve this shit. Not a single fucking second of it. He deserves two parents that care about him and want to know about his life. Instead of having one that tries to tell him that he's wrong cause of who he loves or leaves him to pick up the shattered pieces of his family.
Kwan clutches at my shirt, letting out a broken noise, and I'm reminded that life doesn't give a fuck what he deserves. Shit's gonna fucking suck for him right now but it won't always. It won't always.
He's not gonna get over this shit in a few days or even weeks. It's gonna take a while before he can look in the mirror and not blame himself for every decision his parents made. I know the feeling. And there's no fucking way I'm letting him ever get as bad as I've been.
I send up a silent vow, as he tries desperately to hold himself together, promising that the both of us aren't gonna have to fucking wither just cause of the shit our parents have done and will do. No more, Kwan. We're not fucking pawns for them to use in their shitty game of chess. We're just kids. Fucked-up, broken, thriving-despite-our-fucking-shit kids.
I make it all the way into my neighborhood on my way home this time. All the way to the house with the faded black shutters and the gutter that leaks every time there's a storm. I stop my car at the edge of the grass but I can't force myself to turn off my engine.
Dad's car is sitting in the driveway when I pull up and I don't have the strength in my rattling bones to go inside. A part of me is telling myself that I don't want to end tonight having to deal with more of dad's bullshit but the other part of me knows I'm too afraid to go inside.
My hands are shaking on the steering wheel and I try to take deep breaths to calm down. But I can't calm down. I don't know how. Not without Danny's voice drifting through the phone, telling me that it's okay.
Between what Coach told me about mom and having my chest so full of hope about this college opportunity, I don't want to go inside. I don't want dad to say or do anything that's going to add more shit for me to think about tonight.
I call Alex on the way out of my neighborhood so I can't change my mind while I'm driving and he tells me to come by his place at any time. He said something along the lines of staying with him however long I need but I'm just asking about tonight. I'm not gonna let myself run away from dad and hide out. I'm done hiding out.
Alex opens his door when I park in front of his apartment. He calls out to me as I start for the stairs and I give a small wave. He leans against the doorframe, sipping something from a mug and gives me a once over as I reach the top of the stairs. He must be taking in the bruises again cause his eyebrows draw down.
"Hey, sorry about this… I just don't want to go home tonight," I say, offering up a shrug but I feel like I should have more of an explanation. "The uhh… the game was really great tonight, y'know? And I don't know. Didn't really feel like letting dad ruin it for me."
I step inside Alex's apartment, appreciating the warmth for the first time in a long time. It's getting a hell of a lot colder now, especially at night. As much as I love football, I'm kind of glad to have a week off before our next game considering the weather is getting closer to freezing my nuts off.
"You played tonight?" Alex asks as he shuts his door, giving me a look when I turn around. "Please tell me that you're shitting me. Dash, tell me you didn't play tonight."
I open my mouth but I don't know how to deny what I already said. Alex rolls his eyes and steps past me, disappearing into the kitchen. He comes back a second later without his mug in his hand and takes my duffel bag from me. He tosses it in the general direction of the couch and frowns at me.
"Let me see your side," Alex says, folding his arms over his chest. In his oversized Casper High sweatshirt, he looks more like a pissed off teenager than an adult and I chew the inside of my cheek so I don't snort at the expression he's wearing.
I could argue that it's feeling fine even though it's not but I know Alex won't believe me. So I tug the hem of my shirt up and hear Alex's sharp intake of breath. He steps closer to me, uncrossing his arms to place one hand gently against my skin.
"Shit," he mumbles as he crouches down to see it better, his thumb grazing one of the more painful bruises as he takes in the damage. Alex glances up at me, letting out a sigh as he shakes his head. "You're not supposed to be playing on this at all. The doctor told you to take it easy and rest as much as you can."
When I don't respond, Alex rises back to his full height, shaking his head again. "I knew I should have just called your coach. He would never have let you play tonight if he'd known. Do I need to call him now so he'll stop you from playing next week?"
I shake my head. "No… there's no game next week. We're um… Next game i-is the championship," I say, unable to keep the grin from my face. "We're… in the finals, Alex." For the first time since I joined the Ravens, it looks like Casper High could win this thing. The championship title… fuck, I can't imagine what it would look like to colleges if I was on a winning team.
Alex studies my expression for a few seconds before he lets out a breath, a smile tugging at his features. "That's really great," he exhales out a breath, shaking his head with the persistent smile. "I'm proud of you, kid."
He gestures toward the back of his apartment. "The shower's open if you want to take one before bed and there's some coffee in the pot, I only made it an hour ago. You're welcome to it."
Even though I'd love to get a cup of coffee and sit with Alex for a while, tell him everything Coach said to me tonight, the good and the bad, I want to keep it to myself for now. I still need to process everything that happened tonight. What Coach said about my mom and the scholarship opportunity, and Kwan… god, Kwan.
I'll let everyone in on the idea of college but for now, it's just for me. I'm keeping it to myself but I can't wait to hear the pride in Alex's voice when I finally tell him that I won't be working at the shop forever. Cause I have a fucking life to live and it only took believing in myself to remember that.
Alex is still sitting at the kitchen table when I get out of the shower, a frown creasing his features as he stares down at several loose sheets of paper. A pencil stub is tucked behind one ear and another clenched between his teeth as he works some figures out on a calculator.
He glances up when the floor creaks under me and he takes the pencil from his mouth to smile. "Hey," he says, leaning back in his chair. Alex ditches the pencil on top of the papers and stretches his arms over his head.
I collapse into the chair across from him, the exhaustion of the game finally reaching me. The painkillers are completely gone from my system now and I let out a soft groan, my gaze drifting to the coffee pot. I really want a cup of liquid caffeine but it's so far away and my laziness is pretty damn high right now.
Alex watches me with a smile, returning to his papers after a few seconds of silence. "I've already made up the couch for you so go sleep when you want to. Don't feel like you have to keep me company. I know you're exhausted." He frowns again, glancing between two papers. He mutters something softly to himself, tapping a few numbers on his calculator before he writes something down.
I can't help but watch him in silence, studying the lines that disappear on his face at something only to reappear a minute or so later. The quiet that's settled around us isn't uncomfortable and I find myself smiling as he sorts through whatever's on his papers.
Alex glances up at me, giving me a look before a smile tugs at his mouth too. "What are you grinning at?" he asks, getting up from the table. He drops his pencil on the table and moves to the coffee pot, filling his empty mug before getting out a second one for me.
I mumble my thanks when he returns to the table, sliding the mug toward me. He gets the sugar for me before he adds a little milk to his own, passing the carton to me. We're both silent at first, our only noises coming from the clinking of forks against the inside of our mugs from the stirring motion we both make.
The coffee is delicious as always and I sink back into the chair with a sigh, feeling the tension of the day slip away from me. Even though the shit with Kwan and my mom is weighing on me, I can't fight the smile for long when I think about everything that happened today with the scout and the opportunity that's been given to me. I feel so fucking hopeful for my future and I'm finally able to see a career beyond working at Alex's until I grow old.
"I want you to move in with me," Alex says suddenly, his voice interrupting my thoughts. It takes me a few seconds to register what the hell he just said but when I do, I have no clue what to say. He raises an eyebrow like he expects a response but he doesn't wait for one. "I'm serious. I'll help you move your stuff this weekend. I don't want you going home to him anymore."
My mouth is dry as I open and close it, trying to remember how words work. Move in with him…? Fuck, I can't even wrap my head around it. I don't want to go back to dad but I sure as hell don't want to put this kind of thing on Alex. Even though… he offered… and it would get me out of dad's place faster than waiting around for graduation… fuck.
I can feel the silent promise I made when I held Kwan start to slip away from me as I imagine living with Alex. Never having to worry about going to school the following day with bruises or coming home to anyone passed out on the kitchen table cause they don't know when to put the bottle down.
But fuck, I don't want dad to have power over me. If I run from him, he always will.
"No," I say, unable to hold Alex's gaze for longer than a second. I can't put this kind of pressure on him. He's got his shit to deal with and this is mine. I'm not running away from dad. So he bruises me sometimes, what does it matter? I've always healed so far.
"Dash, think about it for a second," Alex says, leaning forward to press his hands flat against the table. "You wouldn't have to put up with his bullshit anymore. You'd come and go as you please here. It's not like I'd have any rules for you to follow. Dash, you'd be safe here."
Dad hasn't had 'rules' for me in a long time. More like, things that set him off and he enjoys making that shit a surprise. The idea of being safe sounds so fucking good but… my dad's the chief of police. How can living in an apartment across town stop him from coming after me?
"I don't want to move in with you," I respond, picking up my mug. I take a few sips, letting it burn on the way down, before I meet Alex's gaze again. "Thanks anyway, but I'm just gonna go to sleep."
Alex watches me leave the kitchen but he doesn't say another word. He lingers by the table while I get my phone from my duffel bag and set an alarm for tomorrow morning. Just when I fold back the blankets on the couch to crawl under them, he leaves. He doesn't exactly slam his bedroom door but it's definitely not a quiet shut.
I don't know why he's so concerned about me. It's not like I haven't been dealing with dad's shit my whole life. Alex just doesn't get it. I've been in it this long, is a few more months really gonna kill me?
I'm blinking back sleep as I glance around Alex's living room, my heart pounding. My exhale is shaky as I try to figure out why the fuck I'm awake. What the hell just woke me up? I don't remember what I was dreaming about or if I was at all. I only know that my heart is pounding like crazy.
Alex is in his room down the hall and it's still dark outside so I roll over without bothering to check the time. It's Saturday tomorrow. There's no point in knowing what the time is now. I've got an alarm set to go off but it's probably only-
My phone vibrates against the floor and my eyes snap open. Oh, so that's what woke me up. That makes a hell of a lot more sense now.
I fling an arm over the side of the couch and grab my phone from where I left it, intent on just switching the volume off but I get a look at the time. It's just past four but my phone lights up again with another text from Danny.
Blinking the sleep from my eyes, I type in my passcode and glance over his texts, slowly waking up more the longer I read.
From: Danny
I don't know if you're awake but text me when you get this?
Guessing you're asleep then
Just call me in the morning?
Fuck, never mind
I'm sorry
God, I really hope I don't wake you but there's so much shit running through my head and I don't want to think about it anymore
I know it's late but if you're awake, let me know
I'm so fucking sorry
I hope you're sleeping well
Night, Dash
It takes me a few seconds to be able to even think of a response but I finally manage to type something back that sounds more coherent than I feel.
To: Danny
I'm awake. What's going on?
I swipe a hand down my face, attempting to clear away the sleep. Whatever Danny's dealing with, I want to help. He's not alone as long as I'm here. I don't know if it's too late to get him to talk about whatever's going on but I can try to get his mind off things if he'll let me. I still suck at words but that doesn't mean I can't try. And for Danny, I'll always try.
From: Danny
I didn't mean to wake you
To: Danny
It's cool
What's up?
It takes him a few minutes to respond but when he does, I leave the warmth of Alex's couch and get dressed even though it's four in the morning. I check over Danny's text again before I leave the apartment, quietly shutting the door behind me.
From: Danny
This is so fucking selfish and I know it's late but… can you meet me? I'm at the overpass I showed you
The roads are basically empty at this hour so getting to Danny is no problem. When I park my car next to his, he's sitting on the hood of his Equus and I kill my engine before I get out, balancing two coffee cups from the only gas station open this early as I kick the door closed.
"This has kinda become our thing, y'know?" I say as I approach him, holding out a cup toward him as I get closer. "Meeting each other in the dead of night to talk about shit."
Danny glances up at the gesture and lets out a soft breath before he takes the cup, mumbling his thanks. He closes his eyes as he breathes in the scent before carefully taking a sip. The sheer exhaustion on his face is mirrored in his movements and I hesitate only a second before I climb onto the hood next to him.
I don't know what it is about this spot but it's so much better in the dead of night. When there's no one awake and the lights in the school parking lot are dead. Up here, it feels like Danny and I are the only two people awake in the whole town.
"I've never…" Danny trails off when I look at him and he only holds my gaze for a few seconds before looking away again with a sigh. He sips from his coffee, his gaze trained down on the hood of his car to avoid looking at me.
After a few seconds of silence, I set my coffee down between us and stretch my hands behind me, leaning back on them. My eyes fall closed as I swing my legs back and forth, the chill of the early morning barely reaching me through my sweatshirt.
Danny draws in a shuttering breath and it's all I can hear, every other sound just disappears from my mind as I turn to look at him. His eyes are closed but tears are slowly making their way down his face. I reach toward him, intent on catching one before it can leave his skin, but he turns away from me and whispers something so softly, I almost miss it.
"I'm the phantom."
Everything is silent around the two of us and after only a second of hesitation, I scoot closer to him. He's still turned away from me but with one hand on his shoulder and the other on his chin, I manage to turn him back to look at me.
Danny opens his eyes, tears clinging to his lashes as he sniffles in the silence and now more than ever, I want to press my lips to his skin and make him forget everything that's rattling around inside his head. But this isn't the time or the place to act on my selfish urges. So I softly caress his cheek with my thumb instead, offering up a sad smile and the only words I can think of, hoping they're good enough this time.
"It's okay."
Danny looks back at me like I'm crazy before he pulls away, shaking his head with the movement. "I don't… think you understand," he whispers, his voice breaking somewhere in the middle of his sentence. He turns away from me as he wipes the tears from his face, sniffling loudly in the silence.
In conversations like this one, this is about the time I realize that I don't know what to say and I give up, settling for silence instead of the awkward trouble of mustering through offering support. But I'm done fucking up by staying silent. I want to talk until my lungs give out and I've said everything I can just to make the pain in his chest go away, even if it only works for a little while.
"You're right, I-I don't understand," I respond, taking his hand in mine before he has the chance to pull away from me. He looks back at me this time, tears brimming in his eyes again as he draws in a breath. It looks like he's steeling himself for whatever I'm about to say but I give him the most genuine smile I can as I swipe my thumb across the back of his hand. "But it doesn't matter. I don't care why you've been doing the things that you have. I really don't. You don't have to explain any of it. You're still Danny to me."
He drops his gaze from mine and I have the unsettling feeling that I really don't understand. That this whole thing is a hell of a lot bigger than I realized and I've stepped into a mess that I was never meant to see. But he told me the truth. Maybe I pushed for it at first but he made the choice to tell me tonight. And I'm not about to watch him regret that.
"Maybe I don't understand, maybe this shit is a lot worse than I ever thought about. But point is, I know now. Which means that I can help you. With whatever I can, whenever you need me to."
Danny turns toward me, squeezing my hand in his before letting out a breath. "I can do things that no one else can. I-I can make things move without touching them. I've made m-myself disappear a-and I can pass through solid objects, I-"
He stops then, pulling his hand from mine to brace his forehead against his palms. He draws in one shaky breath after another and even though words have never come easily to me before, this time I have to force myself to stay silent. Cause if I interrupt him, there's no telling how long it'll take him to work out what's in his head. I place my hand on his back instead, hoping that it's enough for now.
Danny rakes his fingers through his hair, looking up at me again as more tears spill down his cheeks. "I-I didn't stop the car that day, Dash. I passed you through it. I just saw it falling a-and I couldn't let anything happen to y-you. I didn't mean to do wh-what I did but I touched you and you phased through the car as I pulled you out. A-And I don't even know how I do these things, I just do them. I-It scares the shit out of me and I don't want to be like this. I j-just want to be normal and I can't be."
He drags in a breath that's painful to listen to and I bite down on the inside of my lip, nodding instead of saying the million things in my head. He hesitates a second or two, the silence weighted around us, before he continues on like he never paused in the first place.
"I started this phantom thing by accident. I-I was practicing, seeing what I'm capable of and a security guard caught me. S-Since then, this whole thing has just grown and I don't want to do any of it anymore, I-I just didn't know how to stop and I'm scared, Dash. I'm so fucking scared, I can't breathe." Danny clenches his hands around his hair, dragging in a breath like he's proving his last statement.
Danny pulls away from me when I reach for him and after a second of holding my gaze, he slides off the hood of his car, turning his back to me as he walks away. I can hear his stuttered breathing and I'm quick to follow him off the car.
"I-It's okay," I try, shoving my hands into my pockets with a shrug.
He turns toward me and gives me a look like I'm crazy as he drops his hands from his hair. Some kind of darkness passes over his features and his eyebrows draw down as he lets out a shaky breath. "Okay?" he questions, stepping closer to me. "Okay, Dash? It's not okay, none of this is okay. I'm some kind of fucking freak and you think it's okay?"
I'm caught off guard by the anger radiating from him and I don't know what to say as he glares at me. But something is definitely better than nothing. "I didn't mean-"
"You're just like everybody else. Telling me what you think I want to hear. I don't want to hear that it's okay. Cause it's fucking not." Danny's hands are balled into fists at his sides and I can't stop staring at the faint green glow around them.
Danny doesn't give me long to stare and I take a step backward, sliding my hands from my pockets when he nears me again. I don't know what to say so I go for nothing, simply letting out a breath that I hope doesn't sound frustrated.
He glances down at my outstretched hands and scoffs. "You really are just like everyone else." Danny turns his back to me, unclenching his hands for only a second or two before they're tight fists again. The glow around his hands only increases and he quietly breathes out, rolling his shoulders with the movement. "I'm not going to ask you to stick around if you're afraid of me."
Afraid of him…?
I cross over to him again, staring up at the same sky he is, trying to understand what's running through his head. Neither one of us speak for a few minutes and the silence makes the world feel colder somehow. Like the warmth has been dragged from this moment.
"I'm not afraid of you, Danny," I say, not taking my gaze off the sky even when he turns to look at me. I let a few seconds of silence pass between us before I shrug and turn toward him, easily repeating the statement. "I'm not afraid of you. Not even a little. So you're the phantom. Who cares? It doesn't matter."
Danny scoffs, shaking his head as he turns away from me.
I grab his hand, momentarily forgetting the green glow about them and he jerks his hands away as if I've burned him. But I'm the one that's on fire from his touch. I can't help the slight wince I make, running my thumb over my palm. Even though it feels like I've touched a stove burner, there's barely a mark on my skin.
"S-See? You r-really don't understand. Y-You should be afraid of me. I-I'm dangerous, Dash," he says, backing away from me when I look up at him again. He shakes his head, starting for his car and I know I can't let him get away.
I catch up to him in a few steps and grab his wrist, keeping a tight hold even though he's struggling. He manages to somehow slip out of my grip and he lets out a pained gasp, his eyes pleading as he meets my gaze.
"D-Dash, I-"
"You're wrong. You're not dangerous," I say, watching the way he seems to shrink in on himself at my words. He's not. Danny's nowhere close to being dangerous and I need him to understand that. "How could you ever be dangerous?"
Tears make their way down his face again and he shakes his head, wrapping his arms around his frame. "I hurt you," he says softly, looking away from me.
"Barely," I respond, waiting until he acknowledges me with a sigh before I repeat myself. "You're not dangerous, Danny."
Danny lets out a broken noise, looking back at me with fresh tears in his eyes. "Y-You just haven't seen it yet…b-but trust me, I am," he whispers, matching my step forward with one backward.
"I haven't seen even a hint of danger with you," I say, and he shakes his head, stumbling away from me. His whole body is trembling, the fear and cold wrapping itself around him like a second sweater, and I can't leave him alone. Not like this.
He spins around to face me when I grab his shoulder and with tears spilling down his cheeks, he lets out a shuttering breath. "No! Just stop, Dash!"
"Danny I-"
He cuts me off, his whole body shaking but his voice is strong when he speaks. "You want me to prove it? This is how fucking dangerous I am!"
Danny suddenly faces his car, extending a hand toward it. Just as quickly as he moves, the two coffee cups we left sitting on the hood explode, the contents of Danny's cup spraying in a wide arc over his car. A sickly green glow is hanging in the air and I take it all in with a sudden realization that until this moment… I've really had no idea what he's capable of. I exhale out heavily before I shift my gaze back to his.
His bottom lip is trembling and he shakes his head, a quiet sob escaping him. He tries to speak but nothing comes out and I step closer to him, despite his resistance at first. Softly, I place one hand on his cheek. I wait until he's holding my gaze before speaking softly with words I didn't know were in me.
"It's okay to be afraid, Danny. I don't blame you for that… all this shit sounds fucking terrifying. But no one expects you to have your shit together all the time. Trust me, okay? You're not gonna break just cause you break down." I gently brush my thumb across his cheek and he closes his eyes at my touch.
"You're okay," I whisper softly, leaning my forehead against his as my eyes fall closed. There are so many things I want to say in the silence but I can't find the words. So I settle on pulling him against my chest, hoping it's enough of a comfort for now. He slides his hands around my back, clutching handfuls of my shirt.
Danny's quiet at first but within a few seconds, he's trembling and sobbing in my arms, clinging to me like I'm his anchor in the moment. And for however long he needs me, I'll be that fucking anchor.
Even though I don't want to let him leave my arms, we both acknowledge how cold it is at some point and we climb inside his car, turning the heat up. The radio's playing softly as we both lean back in the seats, staring up at the roof.
Other than the radio, it's quiet between us for a long time. I sort through the questions circling inside my head before I settle on a handful. I don't want to make Danny feel like I'm interrogating him but curiosity is clawing at me with sharp nails and even sharper questions.
"So… is this like, cause you were born in space?" I ask, barely glancing at him as I ask the question. He doesn't look away from the roof as he processes what I've asked him and I'm not in any rush to force answers out of him.
Danny finally lets out a quiet breath, turning toward me a little but not meeting my gaze. "No."
He waits a split second before meeting my gaze, shaking his head with the movement. He turns more in his seat, settling his shoulder against the backrest before he speaks again. "There was… an accident. When I was fourteen." He leans forward to adjust the heat before sinking back in his seat with a heavy exhale.
"I was in my parents lab downstairs and… I don't know what happened. I was just standing near this machine my parents created, talking with a couple of my friends a-and…" He looks away from me then, keeping his gaze out the windshield.
He doesn't speak for a few seconds and lets out a sigh before he continues. "I saw this blinding green flash a-and then…" He gestures to himself with a humorless laugh. His gaze drifts away from me again and he stares out the window. He's answered my question and I could stop there but… I have more.
"And after the accident, you started… being able to do these things?" I don't know if I'm being as sensitive as the topic calls for but I'm banking on the fact that Danny's still responding. Clearly, he doesn't think I'm being an asshole.
He shifts a little in the silence, drawing his legs up onto the seat before resting his crossed arms on his knees. He keeps his stare cast toward the floor and the quiet stretches on for so long between us, I start to wonder if I spoke at all. But finally, he nods, dragging a breath in before he speaks.
"Yeah… it was like almost immediately after. Just little things at first. Like suddenly having more strength than I used to. Blending in a little better. I… remember waking up one day, like a month after, and my eyes looked green in the mirror. Really freaked me out at first but after a few seconds, they were blue again." He shakes his head, lifting his chin from his knees.
Danny closes his eyes for a split second and when he opens them again, I could swear his eyes are glowing the same green his fists were only a little while ago. He meets my gaze for a few seconds before he blinks, sending his eyes back to the blue I've memorized.
He shrugs, dropping his gaze as he returns his chin to his knees. "A c-couple days later, I disappeared in the middle of a class. I-I just blinked and I was standing on my front lawn. Th-That was a bit hard to explain to my parents and to my teacher..."
"Your parents don't know about any of this?" I ask.
Danny gives a laugh in the silence, the kind that would usually make me smile. But the lack of humor in the noise isn't lost on me. "No," he says, shaking his head as he jerks a hand through his hair. "No, they hunt things like me."
What the fuck?
I try to make sense of what the hell he just said but I don't understand it. He got these powers cause of an accident and yet, there are other people like him? That his parents are hunting…? How are they allowed to hunt down people?
"My parents have been studying ecto-entities for years. Or ghosts, as my sister and I call them." He turns his gaze out his window, letting out a shaky breath. "Some people think that ghosts are just myths. And others believe that they're only creatures… faceless and nameless. My parents used to destroy them without a second thought, just like everybody else. And I think they'd still be doing that today if it wasn't for me… Well that and the fact that the government came calling."
Danny glances at me. "They offered my parents positions that would head up the research department in one of the classified branches of the government. It's a division known as the ecto-threat prevention. Rather than kill what they don't understand, the government is studying ghosts. Trying to learn from them. And now my parents are responsible for the same thing. They're trying to understand the things they used to hunt."
I'm not following what the hell he's saying and I guess it's clear from my expression cause he gives me a patient smile before explaining.
"You know those old stories about ghosts and spirits that everyone passes around? They're real, Dash. I've seen spirits before. My parents have fought them since I was a kid and they've ended most of the ones they've encountered." He exhales softly, sliding down further in his seat. "I never… thought about it that much until my accident. See… the thing they'd built – the machine that caused my accident – was a portal. From this world… into the one that belongs to the ghosts."
I feel a little like I've just tuned in to an episode of the twilight zone but I nod anyway, trying to understand what he's saying. If this wasn't important, he wouldn't be telling me it.
"They'd been struggling to get the portal to remain stable and the day of my accident, I turned it on. I didn't mean to, it just happened. And for a few hours, everyone thought I was dead. My parents had called an ambulance and I was rushed to the hospital but the doctors and nurses couldn't keep me stable. My heart rate kept plummeting and my dad told me that the doctors kept getting brain activity and responses from me even when my heart flatlined repeatedly."
Danny lets out a sigh, his gaze dropping to the floor as a frown tugs at his face. "I think that's when I knew I was different. Because the doctors had given up, shut off my oxygen and told my parents that I was gone. But when my parents were let into the room to say goodbye, I was sitting up and talking like nothing had even happened. M-My dad a-always says that it's a miracle I made it."
Holy shit. I want to say something to him – something more meaningful than my broken tongue has ever uttered before – and I open my mouth to at least try, but Danny glances up at me before I can and I lose my nerve. He holds my gaze for a few seconds, studying my expression, before he lets out a sigh.
"After that, my parents destroyed the portal and quit hunting ghosts for a while. Six months later, the government came calling and they left what they'd known their whole lives. My dad seems okay leaving it all behind but… I think my mom misses it a lot."
He looks away from me with a shrug. "It was only like a month after I got out of the hospital that I started noticing differences. I told my parents about them at first but the stranger the things got, the more I kept to myself. I think I stopped telling them about what had changed around the time they got the job offer. Which is kind of perfect considering the last thing I need is the government up my ass trying to figure out how the fuck I'm able to do these things."
Danny looks toward me, his face pink from either crying or the heat in his car. I'm guessing it's the first. "So now you know." He shrugs and the simple action makes him look smaller somehow. Like he's been holding himself together throughout this entire conversation but he can't do it anymore.
I let out a breath, not sure what to say. I turn my gaze to the roof of his car, still processing everything that he's said. Ghosts… spirits… Whatever I call them, that's what Danny's known his whole life. And since he was fourteen, he's been hiding his true abilities from his parents. And no one knows this secret but me?
"You said you started the phantom thing by accident," I say before I even realize I was thinking it. I turn toward him and he slowly nods. "What happened?"
He sighs, leaning his head back against his seat. Tears are gathered in his eyes but he blinks them away, exhaling shakily.
"I think it all started earlier this year… I was just practicing, seeing what I could do," he softly begins, letting his eyes fall closed. "I'd passed through objects before a-and I'd had a lot of practice with my sister but she never wanted me to do anything too dangerous. After she was gone, I-I started to practice on my own for a while, mostly at abandoned places, but I got bored and tried phasing into an amusement park that'd closed down for the night."
Danny opens his eyes, his gaze on the ground but a smile tugs at his face. "I was just walking around, snitching leftover food and looking at a few rides I'd never seen before. I think I just got careless because a security guard found me when I got too excited about a rollercoaster and decided to climb into it to check it out."
He shrugs, meeting my gaze again. "Anyway, after that, I kinda hid out again and didn't practice any of my abilities outside of my house until the summer. Whenever Jazz is home, I have a partner in crime and it makes things easier."
"Your sister?" I ask, running a hand down my face, still trying to make sense of nods and I continue before he can say anything. "Okay so… your sister knows about… all of this?"
"Yeah, I told her the year of my accident. I was really afraid that she was just gonna hand me over to our parents or something but she surprised me. She started covering for me when I was out late practicing, and she went along with me a lot to help, too…"
He shrugs, his eyebrows drawing down again as he shakes his head. "In the beginning, it was easy. Mom and dad would usually get home later than us and if they were home earlier, Jazz was good at coming up with lies. It really worked for the first few months but…"
Danny looks away from me, drawing in a breath. "Th-The things that my parents would hunt, the... ghosts… they have an incredible sense of tracking. They could smell me. Everywhere I went, they sensed me and most of them didn't like me. They'd blindly attack without a warning because of who my parents are and what they'd done to ghosts… e-even if I tried to explain, they wouldn't stop. A-And I could hear them. If they were near me at all, it's like we could communicate with our minds… b-but any time I tried to talk to them, they'd just start screaming. Always, always screaming."
He chews on his fingernails toward the last few sentences and I'd have to be blind to not see the trembling in his fingers. He tries to hide it but it's obvious. He's terrified and I don't know if it's because he's remembering it or if it's because he's telling me.
"A-Anyway… Jazz is really smart and she researched ways to ward off ghosts so that I… could be safe when I was outside our home. She found a couple of things but nothing worked until this," he says softly, tugging his shirt collar out of the way to expose a black marking on his shoulder. It looks like a tattoo in the shape of a flame with symbols carved into the center.
I can't stop myself from reaching across the seats to touch it and he groans softly, his eyes falling closed at my touch. I look up at him, studying the way the tension is written in his expression again. "Does it hurt?" I ask softly and he shakes his head.
Danny opens his eyes again and when he stares at me, I can't keep touching him. Because I'll kiss him in the quiet of his car and that would only complicate things.
I have so many more questions but I limit myself to one more, knowing that he'll break if I ask more than that. It takes me about five minutes to pick which question I wanna go with and in that time, Danny seems to calm down a little. I still keep my voice soft when I speak.
"Does um… s-so, this is why those agents were at school that day, yeah?" I ask softly, watching as he nods. He shifts a little, sniffling as he leans his head back against his seat. The sound stabs at me cause I didn't even realize he was crying again.
"Y-Yeah, um… I think they caught on to the things that I've been doing cause I-I've had a few agents chasing after me," Danny says, pushing his hair back with one hand. His face is blotchy and red from crying and it only makes me want to hold his hand and tell him he doesn't have to explain anymore. "I call them the guys in white… they have these weapons that work on me even when I'm able to pass through things… wh-when I'm intangible. They can… really cause some damage."
Danny twists a little in his seat, shrugging as he looks at me. I try to keep silent, to let that be enough but I'm worried about him and I can't stop myself from asking.
"Are they… still after you?" I ask, watching the way his gaze falls from my face. I draw in a breath, letting another question spill from me. "Do you need me to help you?"
He shakes his head. "No. They're still looking for the phantom but they don't know that it's me. I've been laying low since they showed up at school. And honestly, they're not-" he leans forward to adjust the heat before leaning back with a sigh, his gaze darting to me. "They're not really a problem right now. I mentioned to my parents about how those agents showed up at school and they said something about talking to their supervisors."
Danny shrugs and I guess I don't look convinced. "Seriously, it's fine. There's been kind of a long-standing feud between those agents and my parents… if anyone's gonna get them to back off, it's definitely my parents. So… relax, I'll be fine. I promise."
He squeezes his eyes closed then, pressing his head back into his seat as he wraps his arms around his knees again. Danny's silent for a few minutes before he lets out a soft breath, glancing at me again as he offers up another shrug.
I don't know how he does what he does and makes it look effortless but he's fucking beautiful as he wipes a tear from his cheek. God, I want to be the one that wipes away his tears for the rest of his days. And I want to be selfish in this moment and tell him. Just take his hand and place it over my heart, whispering that it's pounding because he's near, but now isn't the time. He needs a friend and even though I want so much more than that with this beautiful boy, Danny deserves what he wants. So for now, I'll be his friend. Until the day that I can kiss his fingertips and call him mine.
A/N:
Yoo!
Welcome back to another week of the angstiest show on earth (kinda like the greatest show on earth? Circus reference anyone?)
All jokes aside, I've missed you guys and I'm so excited to finally be able to talk to you all about this chapter! So I'll cut right to it and save all the mushy thank you's for later
I noticed that Dash playing on his cracked rib was worrying a lot of you. Don't worry, the quarterback's fine…. for now ;p Ahem, anyway. Way to go with him and the scout/coach riiiight? Poor boy is still so lost in his own head that he doesn't know how to take a good thing when he has it. Kind of like how he's refusing to move in with Alex, huh?
What about poor Kwan? Isn't his shit horrible?
But anyway, I know the thing you're all thinking about the most. Dash FINALLY has confirmation that Danny's the phantom! I've wanted to tell you guys for so long that this part was coming but I didn't. I only released information about it on my tumblr a couple days back. So if you're not following me on there, you might want to so you don't miss out on future clues/snippets from chapters
I really hope you guys liked this chapter, I spent a long time working on it and I hope that my constant rephrasing of the phantom reveal scene has finally paid off. It'd mean a lot to me if you guys would leave me a review telling me what you thought of this update!
The title of this chapter comes from Fall Out Boy's "I've Got A Dark Alley…" (the title's a lot longer than that but if you look it up, you'll see what I'm talking about). I really love this song and when I was editing this chapter last week, this song came on and I was thinking about the shit that Kwan's dealing with and poor Dash not knowing when to take a good thing and fucking DANNY with holding in his secrets for so long… just, these poor kids
I also feel like Far Too Young To Die by Panic! At The Disco is a really good fit for this chapter. I don't know, something about the vibe it gives off is just very Stay to me
But anyway, that's all I have for this week's chapter! I really hope you guys liked it and if you did, make sure to drop me a review or hit me up on tumblr (jaeger-soul). I'd love to hear from any of you even if it's just lowkey screaming because of the angst ;P Thanks again for reading and I'll see you all next update!
