Ugh. My head is killing me. Or has killed me. Am I dead?
I groan loudly and my head fucking hates me for making a sound. Light is coming from somewhere and it's shining right into my eyes. It tries to drag me from sleep but I cling on with the will of my exhaustion. I'm able to block out most of the light with my arm strategically flung over my eyes. What I can't block out is sound.
Some stupid ass dog is barking its fucking head off and irritation courses through me like it's my own blood. Why can't you just take your dog inside? Some people are trying to fucking sleep.
I turn toward where my window is, or rather – where the light is coming from, only to see two windows on either side of a bed that definitely isn't mine.
Gingerly, I sit up on the mattress, feeling the pounding in my skull increase ten-fold. I try to stay upright and not let this hangover get the best of me but I end up leaning my forehead against my knees and breathing pretty fucking shallowly. Fuck, this hurts.
Once the world stops spinning in front of me, I lift my head despite the pain and take in the room I'm in. The events of last night start coming back to me in flashes and I sweep my gaze to the ground in search of my clothes.
My boxers are lying near the edge of the bed and a hot flush of shame washes over me. I spent last night with a stranger. God, I haven't hooked up with a girl I don't know since freshman year. Since then, it's been mainly Paulina or another cheerleader if Paulina and I were in the middle of a fight.
I slide as close to the edge of the bed as I can and quickly tug my boxers back on, only standing up when I think my head can handle it. My jeans are closer to the door and I steal them quickly, tugging them on before whatever the fuck I drank last night hits me.
A door is open to my left and I pray to every deity I know of that it leads to the bathroom. Cause otherwise I'm throwing up last night's alcohol all over this girl's bedroom floor.
Someone upstairs must be listening to me cause I manage not to vomit in anything other than the toilet. My body heaves as I come up for air but after a few seconds, I'm down again, puking out everything in me. Fuck, I haven't thrown up in so long.
After a few minutes of my stomach retching over its own acid, I lean back from the toilet and flush. My legs wobble underneath me but I manage to pad my way over to the sink. I wash my hands and face, rinsing my mouth to get the taste of last night out of it.
I stare back at my own reflection like it somehow holds the answer to whatever the fuck I'm supposed to do from here. But the scent of coffee reaches me before I come to a decision. God, I'd fucking kill for some caffeine right now. It always helps with the bitch of a headache I have during hangovers.
I hesitate longer than necessary but after double checking that no, my shirt is not in the bedroom, I leave the room, closing the door behind me. I can hear music from further in the apartment and I slowly start toward the sound, taking a glance around what I'm guessing is some make-shift office in the middle of the apartment.
The girl from last night, I'm pretty sure she said her name is Kitty, is standing in front of the stove, humming softly to whatever song she's playing from her phone. Her back is toward me as she stirs a pan of scrambled eggs with a spatula and I take a quick glance around the kitchen area. It's tiny, even for an apartment. Off to one side of the room, practically in the living room is a table with two mismatched chairs tucked underneath it.
After I trust my voice enough to speak, I clear my throat to let her know I've resurfaced from sleep. I offer up a sheepish smile when she turns to look at me. "Morning," I mumble, shuffling forward a few steps to get near her.
I scratch the back of my head, glancing around the room again to give myself something to do. "Um… any idea where my shirt is?"
Kitty frowns, glancing behind her at the living room. "Probably on the couch." She pauses, her gaze lingering on the bruises on my side. "I'm… guessing you don't remember but we started there first."
My face heats up and I quickly leave, finding my shirt flung over the back of the couch. I slip it on over my head and start into the kitchen again, giving her a smile that she's quick to return.
She gestures to the counter beside her. "You want some coffee?" She gets one look at my face and frowns, turning around to grab a mug. She fills it almost all the way full with the sweet caffeine and passes it off to me. "Creamer and milk are in the fridge. Sugar's on the table."
Kitty returns to stirring the scrambled eggs and swaying along to the music playing. I retreat to the table after I've added the necessary cream and milk, slowly adding in the sugar. Everything hurts so fucking badly and I take in one hot gulp after another of coffee.
"I hope you like your eggs scrambled," Kitty says, crossing over to the table. She sets down a plate in front of me before adding a few slices of bacon along with a biscuit. Oh fuck, this smells amazing. It might just be the hangover talking but it tastes fucking phenomenal, too.
Kitty smiles as she joins me at the table. We're silent at first, probably both reliving how last night went down, and I just focus on shoving the food into my mouth.
"So, last night was fun," Kitty says, breaking my train of thought. Of course I've shoved half a biscuit in my mouth when she talks and of course she's looking at me for a response.
I swallow what I can manage to and force the rest down with a scalding mouthful of coffee. "Yeah, it was…" I busy myself with another gulp of coffee and wonder how to tell her that I don't normally do this shit. That I don't normally go home with strangers and I definitely don't normally let them put their hands and mouth on me the way I'm sure I let her.
"I haven't hooked up with a stranger in a long time but you were pretty cool last night," Kitty says, laughing at whatever expression is on my face. "I really appreciated the singing part, that was new."
Heat floods through me and I can't hold her stare. I probably made a fucking fool of myself.
"Y-Yeah, I… haven't gone home with a stranger in forever," I mumble, using my coffee as an excuse to give me a second to think of what the fuck to say. "Since like… freshman year."
Kitty cocks an eyebrow at me, a laugh tumbling from her. "Is that to say that you're a junior now?" she asks, narrowing her eyes at me. "Don't tell me I just deflowered a sophomore."
Fuck, is she trying to embarrass me?
"I-I just said that you're not the first person I've… you couldn't have… deflowered me. I've… fuck, never mind." I run a hand down my face, not bothering to finish my sentence. She laughs just the same and I have the strength to send her a glare. "To answer your question, I'm a senior."
She nods, relaxing into her chair. "Good. I'm kinda out of the whole dating younger guys phase, y'know? Like, it's fun at first but college guys get so stale after a while."
I actually choke over my coffee. Full on sputtering complete with wheezing as soon as my airway is clear again. Kitty looks torn between giving me the Heimlich and leaving me to die.
"What…?" she asks, a hint of hesitation in her voice as soon as I'm breathing again.
A second passes in silence before I meet her gaze and heat instantly floods her face. She averts her gaze and pushes away from the table. She stands up, pacing in front of me as shame crawls over her expression.
"Oh my god, you meant high school didn't you? You're a senior in high school?" Kitty pushes her hands through her hair, shaking her head at me. "Fuck, if I'd known you were just a kid, I never would have brought you home with me."
I drain the last of my coffee, carefully setting the mug down again before I look up at her with a shrug. "Doesn't matter, really. I'll be eighteen in a few weeks so it's not like it's that illegal."
Kitty gives me a look. "That illegal. You're like… oh god, ew." She shakes her head again and leaves the kitchen. She paces through the living room a few times and comes back with a pile of my shit, including my phone and shoes.
"Here, you need to… just go, okay? This is… fuck, I'm sorry, I didn't know you were so young, I'm… this was a mistake, I'm sorry," she says, holding my phone out toward me.
I push back from the table, giving her a shrug along with a smirk. "So... if college guys are stale, what are high school guys?"
She blanches, thrusting my shit against my chest. Her face is beyond red and she shakes her head repeatedly. "H-Here, take it and leave. Trust me, you want to get out of here before-"
A key turns in the lock and we both look toward the door at the sound.
"Fuck, shit, shit, shit." Kitty tosses a glance at me but the door swings open before she gets a chance to say anything other than the swears.
A guy with stringy blonde hair and a greasy white t-shirt stumbles in through the front door. He notices Kitty first, his glassy eyes taking in her appearance. He smirks as he wobbles forward a step toward her, kicking the door shut behind him. "H-Hey… baby," he slurs.
He staggers another few steps forward before his gaze shifts to me. I'm almost pinned in place under his stare but after a second, I push out a breath, clenching my hands into fists at my sides.
"Kitty… who the fuck is this?" he questions, glancing at Kitty but jabbing a finger in my direction.
She shakes her head, sparing me a glance before she's focused on him. "No one, Johnny." She turns him back to her when he starts to face me. "Hey, come on. You're drunk, okay? Just go to bed and sleep it off. We'll-"
He pushes away from her, fixing me with a death stare. "You like fucking someone else's girl?" he demands, taking a step toward me. The tension is hanging in the air and he suddenly takes a swing at me. Years of practice with dad as my sparring partner have taught me how to duck and I avoid his fist just in time. Kitty tugs on his arm and yells at him to get him away from me.
Johnny's attention is quickly brought back to her and I manage to duck under his arm and move away from him, facing the two of them as I back away.
"God, Johnny!" Kitty says, shoving the guy backward. He shifts his glare from me to her and she scoffs, slamming her palms into his chest. "So you're the only one that can sleep around now? What, I have to get your approval or something?"
I take another step backward, trying to just slip past the two of them and out the door but Johnny's watching me and he closes the distance between us, despite Kitty yelling at him.
He throws a punch that connects with my jawline this time and I don't manage to duck from the second one. Johnny gets my eyebrow and a hit to the nose that brings tears to my eyes as the taste of blood clogs my mouth. Kitty's yelling as she steps between us and it's enough to distract him. His stare drops from me again and though I'm thankful for the human shield, they're both blocking my path to the door. Fuck, why didn't she tell me she had a boyfriend?
"You have no idea who this guy is, Kitty. You just picked him up at a bar or some shit and brought him home. If you're gonna fuck someone else, at least be fucking smart about it," Johnny says, attempting to step past her to get to me again.
Kitty stops him by grabbing his arms and fixes him with a glare. "You said you wanted to have an open relationship. I'm just playing by your rules," she snaps, pushing him backward again.
The path to the door is clear now and when Kitty glances back at me, I take off. I'm halfway down the hall before I stop to tug my shoes on and slip my phone into my pocket. I've always seen that kind of shit in movies. I never thought I'd one day be on the receiving end of some guy's fist cause I'd slept with his girlfriend but… I guess there's a first time for everything.
Holy fuck. My nose is beyond help. It's completely swollen up and blood is caked under my nose and across my eyebrow. Fuck Kitty for having a boyfriend. Fuck me for sleeping with her. Fuck me for not getting out of the way of his fists.
I'm standing in the bathroom of a café only a block down from the apartment I woke up in. My eyes are watering again as I scrape the blood from under my nose and across my eyebrow with balled up pieces of tissue. The force with which I'm having to actually scrape to get the blood to clear hurts worse than the actual hits did. Fuck me.
Some impatient fucker comes back to the bathroom door to knock for the third time and rather than say it's occupied again, I give up on my face. It's bound to look fucked up for at least a couple of days. So I swipe another piece of tissue under my eyes to clear away most of the lingering black from last night's costume and I start for the door.
The guy waiting on the other side of the door looks up when I open it and he blinks when he gets a look at the damage my face has sustained. Guess there's no denying that somebody took a couple of swings at me but hey – at least it looks better than when dad gets his hands on me.
"You should see the other guy," I respond, curling my lips up into a smirk that's easier to force than I thought it'd be. I step around him and he slips into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.
I don't really have to think about what I'm doing before I fall into the line forming in front of the counter. I need more coffee already, despite the cup I had at Kitty's place before her boyfriend attempted to rearrange my face.
It's only nine, but there's a text from Kwan already waiting on my phone and I read it over while I wait in line. He's talking about how much he loved the club and I send a text back, telling him I'm glad he had a good time before the line clears and I move up to order.
The coffee I ordered doesn't take long to be ready and I leave as soon as it is. A bus station is only a block from the café so I make my way to it and pay the fare. Last night didn't feel that cold but this morning sure as hell is. I cross my arms against my chest, still clutching my coffee cup, in an attempt to keep warm as I sit on a bench just outside the station.
My phone lights up with Danny's name and normally I'd read over his text instantly. But I can't bring myself to. Last night left a hollow feeling in my gut and I pocket my phone again without even looking at his message.
The bus I'm supposed to be on for a ride back to Amity Park is boarding and I join the throng of people heading toward it. I find a seat near the back and slump down on it, staring out the window as the bus rolls away from the curb. Everyone on here looks just as exhausted as I feel and a couple of people give me weird glances. I try not to make eye-contact with anyone – I already know my face looks horrendous, I don't need a group of strangers to tell me that much.
We're stopping every few minutes to pick up more people and the bus hasn't even hit the main stretch of road before my phone starts to ring. The sound is piercing to my hangover-sponsored headache and I growl at the random string of numbers on my phone. The bus is still pretty empty and I don't want whoever the fuck is calling me to leave a message I'll have to listen to later. I hit answer on the call and press the phone to my ear.
"'Hello?" I mumble, sinking down further in my seat as rain starts falling outside.
Whoever's on the line lets out a breath. The sound of the rain and the bus driving over the pavement is loud amidst the almost silence I'm getting from my phone. "Hey… it's me."
I don't know who the fuck 'me' is supposed to be but I need a little more context than that. I watch the raindrops hit the window, pushing out a breath of my own, before I respond. "Yeah? Who's that?"
"Dash… it's me. It's mom."
Everything suddenly feels surreal as I let out a breath, my hand suddenly shaky around my phone. Mom. She's calling me. It feels like it's been forever since I heard her voice. Since I talked to her. She told me she'd call but… she never said when.
"Wh-What's… going on?" I finally ask, my voice cracking and breaking on the question. Why the hell is she calling me now? Did something happen? Fuck, is she-
"Can you meet me today? I'll come pick you up if you want me to, just… there's a lot we need to talk about," mom says, her voice sounding strange intermittent with the static on my end.
A lot to talk about… like what Coach told me about her? Fuck. I almost forgot how betrayal tastes but it's sitting in the back of my throat again and I don't have an answer for mom. I don't want to see her. But god, I want to see her.
I run my hand through my hair, squeezing my eyes closed as I lean my head back against the bus seat. "Um…" I don't know where to start. How am I supposed to talk to her when she's been lying to me all this time? What was going through her mind when she told Coach not to tell me if colleges were interested in me or if I had a real future in store?
The silence starts to scratch at me and I finally settle on answering her question, letting out a quiet breath as I untwist the words in my head. "Yeah… I can meet you. Uh, it… might take me a bit though. I'm on a bus right now, on my way home. I'm in Dryden right now but the drive back shouldn't be too long, s-so… I'll let you know when I'm home again."
Mom's silent on her end for a few seconds. "Dryden? What… are you doing, sweetie?"
I exhale out heavily, running my hand through my hair before finally opening my eyes to stare up at the roof of the bus. "I was… at a… thing with a friend last night… For Halloween and… I'm on my way back now."
I don't know what she expected my response to be and I feel the need to explain it but there's nothing left to say. I don't want to talk about Kwan or the way I've been feeling or… really anything with mom. What Coach told me is still chewing at my insides, keeping me from telling her anything. And besides… she hasn't been in my life for almost a year. It'd take too long to catch her up.
"Alright, listen… just get off at the next bus stop and call me back. I'll come get you. I'm in Dryden too so, I'll see you soon, okay?" mom asks and I desperately try to give myself a reason to say no. It's not that I don't want to see her, I just… god, if what Coach said is true, I don't know how I'm supposed to deal with seeing her now.
The other passengers on the bus look my way when I end the call after agreeing but I settle back into my seat, staring out the window as I wait for the next time the bus shutters to a stop. I hope whatever mom has to say to me is something easier to swallow than the image of Danny wrapped around some other guy.
I'm leaning against the side of a bookstore when a car pulls up in front of me. I look up from my phone and the first thing I notice is how sweet that ride is. I prefer cars that can take a beating without crumpling like a tin can but still. The Audi my mom's driving is fucking sweet.
"Nice wheels," I say, crouching down to look in the open passenger window. Mom gives me a smile and I open the door, sliding down into seats that are in better condition than my car and I can't help but notice how clean everything is. Either the previous owner did a really amazing job keeping it clean or this is a new car.
Mom pulls away from the curb and I buckle my seat-belt, turning my stare out the window. Last time I met her was after a game. I'm not sure if that night was more of a shock to me or if I'm not nervous right now cause last night took so much of my energy. Well... that and the fact that I'm a little hungover. And still trying to figure out how the fuck I'm supposed to act around her now.
"Honey, what happened to your face?" mom asks, glancing at me before she turns onto a different road. I barely look at her before I flip down the visor on the passenger side, checking out the damage that Kitty's boyfriend inflicted upon my face. My eyes water when I wrinkle my nose and a pained noise leaves me at the movement. Fuck, this hurts.
There are a few lingering bruises that I know are dad's handiwork and they're in perfect sync to what Kitty's boyfriend did. In combination with the day-old black makeup I only managed to half-clean off, my face ranks pretty high on the unattractive scale.
"Didn't have a chance to take it off last night… I told you, I was at a Halloween thing," I say, pretending that the only thing unusual on my face is the makeup from last night. Mom doesn't say anything and I use my fingers to try to wipe away the lingering blackness under my eyes.
When my face is back to just bruised, I turn my stare out the passenger window, folding my arms over my chest. Mom makes another turn and slows down as she nears a red light. She lets out a quiet breath before turning to look at me. I watch her expression in the reflection of her I can see in the passenger window and the look on her face softens the longer we sit in silence.
"So… you were here last night?" she asks, turning toward me a little more.
I look over at her and for the first time since I got in the car, I actually see her. She's changed again. Just since the last time I saw her. Her hair's different again – maybe shorter, I don't fucking know – and she looks like she's lost even more weight. God, at this rate, she'll barely look like my mom soon.
"Yeah." I turn to look out the window again, not sure why I agreed to meet with her in the first place. I haven't had enough time to process everything Coach told me and I don't want to go off on mom. Or fuck, maybe I do. Maybe I want to spit my anger at someone that deserves it. Someone that can handle it and won't take a swing at me for demanding an explanation for whatever the fuck they did.
My phone vibrates with a snapchat from Danny and I switch my volume off before pocketing the device again. I really can't deal with him right now. Not when the only picture in my mind is him with that other guy while I'm left wondering how Danny tastes.
"You spent the night here?" mom asks, raising an eyebrow when I glance back at her with a shrug. It takes her a few seconds before she's able to work out her question. "So you… were with someone last night?"
For a second, I think she's talking about my friends, wondering if I was hanging around other people or if I was here by myself. But it hits me before I open my mouth that she's not talking about my friends. She's asking if I went home with someone last night.
I don't really know how to basically tell my mom that I was fucking some random girl last night to erase the idea of Danny from my mind so I shrug before looking away from her again. For a few seconds, mom's silent but just when I think she's gonna let it go without a question, she clears her throat.
"Dash… you really have to be careful about things like that," she says, seeming to forget that she kind of gave up her parent card when she walked out. When I don't give her the response she's looking for, or a response at all, she lets out a breath, easing the car forward when the light changes. "Just… tell me you used protection?"
"Mom," I say, giving her a look that she doesn't fully get to see cause she's focused on the road.
She glances toward me after a few seconds. "Alright, alright. Not something you want to discuss with your mom, I get it." She switches lanes and catches me staring at her before I have the chance to look away.
"What?" she asks, like she has no idea that this situation is weird. Hell, maybe she doesn't realize it. Maybe it's just me that notices the fact that she's trying to act like my mom again without picking up on the fact that it's fucking killing me. She hasn't been around me for longer than a few hours in almost a year. How am I supposed to react to her basically trying to give me a talk about safe sex?
Mom's eyebrows pull down as she parks in front of a building and I can't return her stare. She's still my mom but god, that doesn't give her a fucking right to act like it. Especially now. Not when I know shit about her that I don't think she ever meant for me to find out.
I push out a sigh, shrugging as I pull my seatbelt off and shift my gaze to the building she's parked in front of. "What's this? And what'd you bring me here for?"
She smiles, her gaze drifting from me to the faded siding on the building and she unbuckles her seatbelt before she opens her door. I wait a few seconds before I follow her out of the car and she leads me up to the building, unlocking the front door with a set of keys.
"Renovations start next month but in January, I'll make the last payment and it's officially mine," mom says, glancing over her shoulder to smile at me as she steps inside the place.
The space is a bit like a loft. There's a set of wooden stairs leading to an overhead platform and rafters above that. Aside from plastic tarp and paint cans spread out through the room, it's entirely empty. One wall is made up of floor to ceiling windows and I follow after mom as she moves further inside. I take in everything there is to take in as she starts to talk.
"When renovations are done and everything's set up for me… I'm going to be turning this space into an art studio," mom says, easily grinning as I try to process what she's said.
Mom moves away from me, gesturing at the windows. "I'll use this area for natural lighting and this'll be the actual studio portion where I work and paint like I used to. But I'm going to have a wall put in which'll divide the studio space from the gallery space." She exhales out happily, glancing up at the ceiling above us. "There's still a lot to take care of, a lot of decisions to make but…" She looks at me again, the grin back on her face. "I'm doing it. I'm finally getting back to my art."
I want to be happy for her and I think part of me is. Cause I remember growing up with a mom who always had paint stains on her clothing and charcoal smeared on her hands as soon as she came home from work. Mom loves art and I'm really glad she's getting the chance to get back to it. I just can't help but feel like part of her loves art more than anything else. Including me.
"That's…" I exhale out a breath, ignoring all the shit running through my mind long enough to give her a smile. "I'm really happy for you, mom."
Mom's smile widens and she glances around the place again. "It still doesn't feel real. I was so nervous to put down roots here but… everything seems to be falling into place."
I hate to rain on her parade but I don't know if she's really thought of everything here. "S-So you're… okay with the fact that you're only a couple hours away from… Amity Park?"
She looks away from me and we both know what I'm really talking about. Dad's only a couple hours away from us right now and if he finds out where she's staying… there's nothing stopping him from showing up here. The thought has my stomach clenching and I take a step toward mom.
"I visited a lot of places this year. I spent some time in Salt Lake… went to Los Angeles for a couple weeks… I even ended up in New York at some point," mom lets out a hollow laugh and I wonder how much of that was looking for a new place to call home and how much of that was making sure dad would never find her.
Mom lets out a breath, shifting her weight before she looks back at me. "I got here and… I don't know, it just felt like home. I feel like I can finally be happy." She gives me a bright smile that I find hard to return. I don't want anything happening to her and if she's this close to dad, he can find her.
"I-I'm glad, I just-"
"Shh," she says softly, cupping my cheek with her hand. "It's okay. I'll be safe here." She hesitates a moment before the smile is back in place. "And once you talk to my lawyer, you can come stay with me and you'll be safe too."
The idea of not having to look over my shoulder or avoid dad for weeks sounds like a dream come true but it feels like that's all it is. A dream. I don't know how mom ever got to the point of leaving dad but I can barely think about getting out of there yet.
"Don't worry. That's still a while to come. If everything works out, you'll be able to stay with me as soon as you finish high school. You'll have a chance to figure out what you want to do in life," mom says, dropping her hand from my face.
I almost want to let it end there, just be here in the moment but there's too much shit running through my head to stay quiet. Some sick part of myself has to see if she's gonna lie to me or not.
"I don't… know if I'll be here after high school…" I trail off, shrugging when her eyebrows draw down. "I've been thinking about… college." It's such a foreign word on my tongue and I never thought I'd ever be good enough or smart enough to go anywhere beyond Alex's garage after high school.
Mom raises her eyebrows, her lips parting in what I'm guessing is genuine surprise. I never talked about this before she left and I wonder if she's trying to figure out when this became an option. When someone talked to me and told me that hey, I don't have to fucking live this way forever.
"O-Oh," she says, nodding slowly as she drops her gaze from me. She glances around the space again, chewing on her bottom lip, before her eyebrows draw down and she looks toward me again. "Does… your father know about this?"
I shake my head, letting out a breath as I jerk my hand through my hair cause I feel like I'm gonna start trembling. "No. I told… someone I work with but other than that… you're the first person to hear it," I say, watching the way mom searches my expression. I wonder if she's thinking about this time last year. When she told Coach not to talk to me. God, should I be fucking pushing this?
"Mom, I've been offered a scholarship to play for a school," I say, my voice a lot stronger than I thought it'd be. "And you know what? Coach doesn't think it's gonna be the only offer I get. He's been sending out tapes of me, talking to scouts, putting the word out there… He really believes in me, mom," I tell her, putting emphasis on the fact that someone believes in me. Even if it isn't her.
For a few seconds, all mom can do is stare back at me and I have to wonder what the fuck she's thinking. Is she ticked that Coach ignored her and started putting things in place as soon as she was gone? Does she still care about this shit or am I just a thing of her past and she doesn't give a shit what I do now that she's gone?
Before I get a chance to say any of the fucked up shit running through my head, she wordlessly tugs me into her arms. She doesn't say that she's proud of me and she doesn't congratulate me. But she hugs me close and I have to imagine that it's the same thing. Cause I'm too angry to speak and I don't know how to tell her that Coach told me the truth. And that I want a fucking apology. I don't know for what specifically but I feel like I deserve one. I don't have the balls required to voice half the shit in my head so I hold her back and pretend that she's saying exactly what my bruised heart needs to hear.
Mom and I leave the studio space and she locks up behind us. Almost as soon as we're in the car, her phone starts ringing and she picks it up with a smile on her face. She talks to whoever's on the other end as she pulls out of the parking lot and I slouch back in my seat, staring out the window at everything that passes us by.
"Okay, I need to pick up something from work. But on the way there…" mom says as soon as she's through with her phone call, trying to be subtle with the glance she sends my way. I don't return the look and she lets out a heavy sigh. "There are a lot of legal hoops I have to jump through, Dash. I have to get all this documentation notarized and give it to my attorney before I can officially request for a restraining order and divorce decree against your father. To do that…"
She looks at me and I can't hold her gaze. I don't know what she expects me to do. I'm still living with dad. He put a gun to my forehead after he found the letter mom sent me. As soon as he hears that I've helped mom get away from him, I'll be a stain on my bedroom floor. The more she can do without dragging me into it, the better.
"Dash, please."
I keep my stare out the window, propping my chin into my palm as I think it over. I don't even know what she wants me to say or who I'd be talking to. She keeps saying that once this is finished, I'll be safe from him but I don't think she realizes that dad won't care about a restraining order. It's a fucking piece of paper. How is that gonna stop him?
"I can't move forward, I can't finish making the steps I need to unless you help me. Dash, baby, I need you," she says and I hear the plea in her voice. I want to help her, I do. But I don't know if she realizes the position she's putting me in.
"Mom, I don't know what you want me to say." I look back at her with a shrug. "I don't know what you want me to tell your lawyer. And you said something about me just witnessing all of this? Do you really think they're gonna believe that all the shit dad did to you was never done to me?"
She nods, returning her stare to the road. "I understand why you're worried. But this is for your protection too. The less you have to do with this case, the better, okay? I'm trying to keep you out of this as much as I can." She switches lanes and makes a turn before she looks my way again, exhaling in the silence. "Believe me. If there was another way to do this, I would have done it already. But your input is incredibly valuable here. Can you just tell my attorney what you saw? You never have to make an appearance in court, you just have to give your witness statement to my attorney and he'll handle everything from there, okay?"
I shrug, looking away from her as she pulls up outside a building that looks like it's in better shape than the last one. She adjusts her rearview mirror before she takes the keys from the engine. She doesn't move and I keep my gaze away from her. We sit in silence for a few seconds before mom finally turns to me and I feel obligated to meet her stare.
"I have to run inside and get something. You can come if you'd like to but you don't have to," she says, shrugging as she tugs her door open. I want to stay in the car and be angry at everything. At mom for the shit position she's trying to put me in and for lying to me. At dad for fucking me up so badly that I can't decide if I'd rather have mom's half-truths instead. And Danny. For being so fucking perfect that he makes my heart squeeze just from a simple stupid text that's lighting up my phone again.
I want to stay in the car and basically pout but I open my door and follow mom instead. She gives me a smile like I just made her day or some shit and I wordlessly follow her up to the front door.
"So this is where you work now?" I ask, glancing around at the parking lot it's in. There's a bakery across the street and a coffee joint next to that. I watch the people crossing over to the two shops as mom unlocks the door.
"Yes, it is," mom says, a touch of pride to her voice as she pushes the door open and steps back to let me in first. "I haven't been working here too long but… I really like it."
I step inside the building and quickly realize that it's a doctor's office. I didn't need the colorful tongue depressors on the wall like some kind of artwork to tell me that much. Mom used to work in doctor's offices when I was a kid but somewhere between middle school and high school, she started working in a hospital. She never said why but I think it had to do with the fact that her hours conflicted with dad's. Less time to spend at home when he was there.
"I've just gotta grab a few files," mom says, dropping her keys onto the front desk as she passes by. She pushes open the door leading to the back and leaves it open like I can follow after her if I want. I don't feel like keeping up another conversation so I sink down in one of the chairs, staring up at the popsicle sticks instead. I guess they're supposed to look like a sunset but I don't see it. I just see painted sticks glued to a canvas. Maybe that means something about me. Like one of those ink tests. Or maybe it really doesn't look like anything and I'm the first person to notice it. Or maybe I have no fucking imagination.
Mom returns within a few minutes and we're off again. She drives around Dryden, pointing out various places that she's been to since she started living here. And after a while, my shitty mood kinda disappears and I find myself asking her questions about places.
Even with a stop for lunch, mom and I make decent time walking around the town. We're back in her car, sipping on chocolate shakes and talking about anything we can think of, when I notice my phone. I've barely looked at it since Danny texted me earlier but my screen's lighting up like crazy.
With one hand still around my shake, I type my passcode in with the other, looking up at mom as she starts telling me about her job. She's telling me how she really feels like it's the right fit for her. She's talking about getting along with her coworkers when I glance down at my phone.
From: Kwan
Please, I need you
It's the last text I've received and I start scrolling up through the wall of messages he's sent me.
"And the office manager is so nice. She welcomed me in from day one. I think you'd actually get along with her son pretty well, he's on the football team," mom continues on, unaware of how distracted I am. "And he plays-"
"Mom, hang on… gimme a second."
I scroll to the text Kwan sent me this morning, about loving the club, and start from there. The more I read, the more my stomach clenches and I set my cup down to cradle my phone.
From: Kwan
I just left Jared's place.
Can you call me when you get this?
Dash, everything's a mess
I'm so angry and hurt and I don't know what to do
He's texting me, please call me when you get this
Dash, I'm so lost
Please, I need you
The car's still parked in front of the place we got the shakes from and without a word to mom, I leave her car, slamming the door behind me. I pace in the parking lot as I wait for my phone to connect and after the third ring, I hear Kwan's breathy exhale.
"H-Hi," he squeaks out, followed immediately by a sniffle. Fuck, I can't stand the way he sounds when he's sad. Whatever the hell happened must've been pretty bad to upset him like this.
I glance back at mom in the car and though she gives me a questioning look, I turn away from her again. "Hey… what's going on?"
Kwan sniffles again, letting out a heavier breath than before. He's silent for about a minute or two and I listen to the sound of every car passing by me on the other side of the road. I count fourteen cars before Kwan speaks, his voice hollow on the words.
"Jared's…. been cheating on me."
Fucking hell. Why? Why is Jared such a fucking douchebag? Of all the things… Kwan doesn't deserve this shit. He's already been through enough with his dad walking out and the impending divorce, he doesn't need a cheating boyfriend to add to the mix.
"I-I'm so sorry," I say, not sure what else to say that isn't a thousand swears in place of that guy's name. He's such a fucking prick. Kwan's not the kind of person anyone should toy with and I'll make this asshole wish he'd never even met my best friend if I ever see him again.
Kwan doesn't say anything at first but his quiet sniffles let me know he's still there. Still listening. Maybe waiting to see if I have anything else to add but I don't know if now's the time for my anger. He's hurting and the focus should be on him, not me.
Just as I'm about to ask Kwan if he's okay, he speaks again.
"I-I came to his place to see him this morning a-and I found some other guy with him. He… said it wasn't a big deal a-and that lots of people h-have… multiple partners but… it really hurts, Dash," he says, his voice practically a whisper on my name.
Another car passes by, drowning out my quiet "fuck", and I guess that's for the better. Kwan needs me right now. And I'd give anything to be back in Amity Park right now, just so I could hold his hand and tell him exactly what I think of Jared. What a fucking prick he is.
Mom opens her door and I turn around as she steps out. She raises her eyebrows in a silent question and I let out a breath, closing my eyes as I speak.
"Kwan, l-listen... I'm still in Dryden but I'm on my way back now. I'll come to your place as soon as I'm in Amity Park, alright? Just give me a little while to get to you, okay?" I ask, taking a few steps closer to mom's car.
There's silence on the other end and it worries me more than it probably should. I let out a breath to disturb the quiet. "Kwan?"
"Y-Yeah… okay. I'll see you soon," he says, his tone softer and more dejected than I think I've ever heard his voice, aside from the time we buried his fish together in his backyard. But he was ten that day and he's seventeen now. He shouldn't have that sadness in his tone cause of a guy that doesn't understand how much of a privilege it is to be with him.
I hang up the call before I get in mom's car again, my mind all over the place as I put my seatbelt back in place. I know she wants an explanation but it's not my shit to talk about. I just ask her to drop me off at Kwan's place and she starts for Amity Park.
I'm trying not to be so shit with words anymore and I have no clue what I'm gonna tell Kwan when I get to him but… I have to get to him. Even if I say nothing and I just hold him while he lets his sadness out, I have to be there for him. He's my best friend and no one in this world is gonna break his heart and leave him alone. Someone else might have kissed his broken pieces once but I'm always gonna be the one there to put him back together.
A/N:
Yooo, welcome back to the angst café. Where drama and beatings are served up fresh daily ;p
Thanks for coming back to read this update! What'd you think of it? Johnny showing up was a prediction throughout the comments down below but I will confirm this for you all: The person that Danny left the club with last night wasn't Johnny
I've been waiting so long for you guys to read this chapter cause I wanted all of you to know that Jared's a prick. Poor Kwan though, am I right? He can't escape the angst no matter how hard he tries. First his parents, now his cheating boyfriend… I'm never letting him catch a break ;p
How about Dash's mom showing up? I know I didn't really touch on it when it was first brought up, but what do you think of what Dash's coach told him? About his mom basically sabotaging his chances at a scholarship in his junior year? Any opinions there?
Not a lot of Danny this chapter but I promise, the space nerd will have some parts in next chapter. (And they're SO angsty!) So… look forward to that if you're missing out on the lovable nerd
I chose the title of this chapter from Apologize by Timbaland featuring OneRepublic purely because it reminds me of the relationship between Dash and his mom. Like, you guys know it, I know it, hell - even Dash knows it to some level. There's just a point two people reach when one or both parties have fucked up too much to fix it and though Dash doesn't want to admit it, deep down, he knows that there's no fixing this
But anyway, that's all I wanted to say about this chapter. Thank you all so much for reading this update, I really do appreciate all of you. If you have any thoughts or comments about this chapter, please leave them for me to read – I love hearing from all of you! Hit me up on tumblr if you'd rather and feel free to tag me in any posts if you want to (it makes my day, honestly)
See you guys in the next update!
