I leave Kwan and Paulina in the parking lot after I give up on trying to struggle through answers about the way I feel. Not just for Danny but for people in general. It's hard to think about the fact that I could still see myself with Paulina and yet wonder what it would have been like to kiss that bartender. So I tell Paulina and Kwan that I need to go and they tell me to have a good shift at work.

Even though Alex probably won't let me back in the shop anytime soon, I head for the garage anyway. I just need to be somewhere that can unfuck my head. Somewhere I don't have to think about Danny and Paulina and the rest of the shit that my mind loves to torture me with.

Keith notices me first when I get to the garage and he waves at me when I get out of my car and I do my best to return the gesture. Alex realizes it's me just after my teammate does but he gives me a frown instead of a wave. I let my car door slam closed and busy myself with checking my phone before I shuffle forward, meeting Alex in the entryway of the garage.

Alex folds his arms over his chest, his gaze sweeping down my body. "What are you doing here?" he asks, shaking his head when I open my mouth. "Don't say that you're here to work. You're not coming in until you're healed."

"I'm fine, Alex," I mumble, plunging my hands into the depths of my pockets to seem casual despite the way I feel inside. A shaky breath leaves me and a quiet groan slips out as Alex uncrosses his arms.

He watches me for a few seconds before he puts his hand on my upper arm. "What is it?"

I don't know what to say. In the past, I would have blown his concern off and just clocked in anyway. Or if he really refused for me to work, I'd just go home. But I don't want to go home and for once, I don't want to work either. Being underneath a car always helps me calm down and gives me a sense of doing rather than just waiting around but I don't think I'd be any good at it today. There's too much shit crowding up my brain, I'm bound to forget something worse than when I forgot the jack stands and that car almost crushed me.

"Can I… just hang around here? While you work or something?" I ask, barely able to meet his gaze for more than a few seconds. I don't want him to say no cause I don't want to be alone. But fuck, maybe I want him to say no. So I have to go home and see dad again, try to work this shit out between us. I don't even know if dad would be home right now but working it out with him is better than giving my problems to Alex again and asking him to solve it.

Alex lets out a breath but it sounds more concerned than frustrated. "Sure. Come on," he says, taking a step backward into the shop. He leads me back to the bay he was working in, giving me a concerned glance when I stop beside him. He's working on his own car – a 1969 blue Mustang he's been slowly putting together for the last year and a half. I take in the beauty that is the car before I claim the stool to sit on.

I keep my gaze on the ground and lean my forearms against my knees to steady myself. I let out a breath and it sounds so much louder in the silence. Alex glances toward me at the noise and he hesitates before sinking down onto his shop creeper, one hand closed around a wrench.

He waits a few more seconds before he slides under the car, groaning softly as he works on the underside of the car. I expect him to ask me what's going on but he doesn't. He just quietly works and after a few minutes, I relax into the silence.

I let my stare drift out into the garage, watching Eric wipe down his tools before he leaves to clock out. Keith casts a few glances in my direction and I do my best to not make eye-contact. I don't want to talk about all the fucked-up shit in my mind right now and especially not with Keith. He has his own shit to deal with.

"Hey, hand me the ratchet wrench?" Alex asks, sliding out from under the car just far enough to see me. I glance at him before leaving the stool and getting the wrench he's looking for.

When I give it to him, his hand closes over mine before he gives me a look. He leans back on the creeper but doesn't slide under the car again, choosing to stare up at me instead. I find it hard to hold his gaze and I hate the silence over the two of us so I collapse back onto the stool, my legs shaky beneath me. He watches me for a few seconds before sliding under the car and I feel like I can breathe again.

"How… close are you to finishing?" I ask, scuffing the toe of my shoe against the concrete. Even though he's been repairing old junker cars for himself for as long as I've known him, I don't think that Alex will ever stop. Fixing something that's broken just appeals to him. I guess that's why he hasn't gotten rid of me yet.

Alex grunts softly from under the car, his lower half shifting as he tightens something. "At the rate I'm going? A while, especially if I keep running-" He lets out a breath that sounds a little frustrated. "-into problems. Not to mention… a part I need for the engine isn't sold here so it's gonna take a while to get my hands on it." He rolls out from under the car, glancing me over before he gets up from the creeper. He digs through his toolbox, muttering softly to himself before he glances my way.

"So. As much as you love cars, I doubt that's the reason for the visit today," he says, shifting things in his toolbox. His hand resurfaces with a different wrench and glances between it and the one that he was just using before chucking them both in the box again.

Everything's crowding up my mind and I can't think. There's so much shit I want to say and I want Alex to hear all of it. I want to tell him about the college that's interested in me and hear him say that he's proud of me. About mom and what she's asked of me. I need him to know that I told my teammates about the shit dad does to me and hear him say it's not my fault even if I can't fucking believe him. And Danny… God, I want Alex to know all about Danny. The way he makes my chest feel when he smiles; the way his eyes light up and how I ache to memorize his every movement; the feeling of his hand in mine… I want Alex to know everything I've been keeping inside of myself and I don't even know where to start.

"I've been talking to my mom," slips out in a whisper, and I swallow hard, keeping my stare trained down on the concrete. I never meant to say anything but all this shit is crowding up my headspace and I can't keep it all inside anymore. I can hear my heart pounding in my ears and I slowly draw in a breath, trying to let go of the tension in my gut.

Alex seems to freeze entirely and he doesn't say anything at first. He sets a few tools down on his work bench, running his fingers over them before he slowly turns away from me.

"Hey… Keith?" he calls across the shop, waiting until my teammate looks at him before he continues. "Listen… I'll still pay you for the hours, just… go ahead and take off early, okay? I'll finish up whatever you're working on."

Keith slowly rises from his crouched position in front of an Elantra, glancing between the two of us as he wipes grease from his hands on a rag. "Okay, sure," he says, dropping a screwdriver down into his open toolbox before he kicks it shut. "Um… is everything okay?"

Alex glances back at me but I can't meet his gaze. He only watches me for a second before speaking. "Yeah, everything's alright." He looks at Keith again, probably forcing the smile I can hear in his tone. "I'll see you tomorrow, right?"

My teammate looks past Alex, in my general direction, but I still can't look back at him. Keith hesitates for a second before he pushes out a heavy breath and gives in with a nod. "Okay, yeah… see you tomorrow."

Keith gathers up his phone and keys, the noise loud in the quiet of the shop, and Alex returns to his tools, shifting through a few of them but I can tell that his mind is far from his work right now. My throat is tighter than it should be in this moment and I hate that I can't tell if I'm asking too much of him again. Sometimes I wish he'd just push me away so I know where to draw the line between what I can ask of him and what I should deal with myself.

I pride myself on managing to look up at Keith as he heads for the exit. He notices my stare and gives me a little wave and somehow, the gesture is encouraging. I can't force myself to wave back or smile so I settle for a nod instead. After a second of hesitation, he leaves and then it's just me and Alex alone.

The silence is so heavy in the shop, I feel like I'm gonna choke on it. All the things I've been thinking but haven't voiced before now are filling up my mind and I hate the way tears prick the corners of my eyes like I can't hold myself together long enough to have a fucking conversation.

"So… when did this start?" Alex asks, kindly keeping his gaze away from me. He continues wiping down tools I know he's already cleaned, all to give me the privacy of trying to hold myself together. I know he can tell how close I am to breaking.

I blow out a long breath, my hands beginning to tremble and I press my palms together. After a second, I close my knees around my hands and squeeze hard enough to try to convince myself I'm not shaking. If I'm not shaking, I'm not panicking. If I'm not panicking, I'm not weak.

"Sh-She wrote me a letter… just after school started," I say, managing to keep my voice steady despite the tightness in my throat. I don't want to talk about mom – I never planned on telling Alex anything. But she wants me to tell people that I only ever witnessed the things my dad did. I know she's trying to protect mebut… I don't know if I should believe that. She left me once, how can I trust her not to do it again?

Alex sets a few of the tools down, nodding in the silence. One of the tools clinks against the other as he puts it down and my gaze is drawn to it. I watch his hands for a few seconds, cleaning off various wrenches and tools before he starts over again, all to keep from staring at me.

"She wants me… to lie," I say, my voice breaking halfway through. A drop splashes onto the concrete below me and I watch the spot before a second one joins it. I squeeze my eyes closed, drawing in a shuttering breath that I'm ashamed of. "I-I can't… pretend that he hasn't hurt me too… h-how can she ask me to? I-I…"

I cover my face with one shaky hand, trying to keep myself together. This isn't Alex's problem. It's mine. And I wish I wasn't dragging him into my shit again. He doesn't deserve this from me. He's got his shit to deal with, he shouldn't be worrying about me and mine.

Alex places a hand on my leg and I open my eyes at the contact. He watches me for a second before he kneels in front of me, reaching out to touch my face. His thumb swipes away the few tears I've let escape and I try to let them be the only ones. But the longer I stare at Alex, the more tears I can't hold back. I don't want to start sobbing like the last time I felt this way in front of Alex but the more I try to hold myself together, the harder it is.

"You don't have to do anything she asks you to," Alex says, his voice so soft I almost miss it. He holds my gaze when I manage to meet his and his eyebrows draw down as he shakes his head. "She… wants you to pretend that he hasn't hurt you?"

I nod, dropping my gaze from his. I swallow past the lump in my throat, somehow managing to keep myself together long enough to talk. "She… wants me to talk to her attorney a-and tell him that I only e-ever saw what dad did," I say, my voice cracking, threatening to show him how close I am to breaking. "Sh-She told me she w-wants to protect me."

Alex exhales out, his hand still resting on my face. "She might be protecting you but… it's your decision. If lying about it doesn't feel right to you, you don't have to do what she asks." He hesitates a second before gently brushing my cheek with the pad of his thumb. "If you still have the letter… can I see it?"

A breath leaves me and I nod again, slowly pulling away from him. He rises from the crouched position and steps back, giving me room to move. It takes me a second before I leave the stool and start for my car.

I haven't looked at the letter since the first time I read it but once I find it buried in my backpack, I'm left staring down at the envelope, my thumb tracing over the little heart beside my name. The panic is climbing back into my throat and I don't want to give this letter to Alex. I don't want him to read what she's said to me but I can't stop myself from slamming my door closed and starting up into the shop.

Alex is waiting in the bay, his arms folded over his chest as I slowly approach him. The letter feels like a fucking weight as I bring my hand up to give it to him. He watches me for a split second before he takes the envelope, carefully opening it up to get to the letter.

My nerves are eating away at me and I chew on my thumbnail as I watch Alex's frown get deeper and deeper the longer he reads mom's words. He opens his mouth once or twice, seems like he's gonna say something, but he closes it again without a sound.

His eyes scan over the first page again, flipping to the back to continue reading. He scoffs when he reaches the final line, turning back to the first page before he looks up at me. His eyebrows are drawn down and I can't help but look away from him after a second.

I shrug one shoulder. "She… explained a lot of what's in that letter a while ago but… that's the basics," I mumble, running a hand through my hair. Fuck, I shouldn't be dragging him into this. "Last time I saw her she kinda-"

"Wait, hang on… you met up with her?" Alex asks, giving me a look when I glance up at him. He lets out a careful breath when I nod. "Okay. What'd she say?"

The look on Alex's face makes me feel like I should be protecting her but for once, I don't want to. After the shit Coach told me and the way she reacted about the fact that I'm considering college has my gut twisted so tight, I feel like I'm gonna vomit. Alex has always been on my side… if he doesn't think this is a good idea, maybe it's not. Maybe that's why I've been keeping it from him for so long.

"She uh… she told me that sh-she wanted me to come with her…" I say, dropping my gaze from him as I scratch the back of my head. "She said that she has to wait until everything's sorted s-so she can keep me safe legally… or something like that."

Alex raises an eyebrow. "Really? Is that all?"

I shrug, not wanting to tell him anything else but I end up speaking anyway. "W-Well, that was the first time. When I met with her the second time, she uh…" I run a hand through my hair, blowing out a breath. I don't want to bring up the shit Coach told me cause it still feels so raw even to think about. I don't know if I'm ready to bring someone else into that pain.

"Sh-She showed me this place… where she's planning on rebuilding her life. And she's got a steady job now and she's settled and…" I look up at Alex, the words tumbling from me. "She's happy and she's trying to get away from dad and I'm… I'm being fucking selfish, Alex. I should never have told her that I'd think about this. There's nothing to fucking think about. I should have just given her what she wanted the second she asked. She shouldn't have to beg me to help her. I'm her son, Alex. It's my job to-"

"You're not obligated to fix this for her," Alex says, speaking over me. His eyebrows are drawn down and he cuts me off when I try to speak. "No, I don't want to hear it. You're not responsible for her, Dash. You're the child, she's the adult. She should fix her own shit."

"Alex-"

"No." He holds my stare for a few seconds and a breath leaves me in the silence. "No. Nothing you say can excuse what she did. She left you, Dash," he says, like I've never realized until now. Like it hasn't weighed on my chest and kept me rooted in place before. Like it's not on my mind every second of every goddamn day since I opened her fucking letter. She left me. I know she left me. I wasn't good enough to take with her or maybe she's selfish or maybe the world is just fucked up and we can't fit together anymore. I don't know. I've never known.

Alex puts his hand on my arm. "She left you, Dash. You don't owe her an-"

"I know, okay?" I snap, clenching my hands into fists as I pull away from him. "You're not the first person to point out that she's gone. I know she left me, don't you think I've accepted that? I begged her not to go, to take me with her, to not leave me here with him. But she left anyway."

I'm trying my fucking hardest to fight back against the tears that are trying to well up again but it's a losing battle. I don't want to cry again. Not over mom. "I know," I say, softer this time, all the anger leaving me with the breath I exhale out. "I-I wanted to go but she didn't take me and I don't… I don't know why, it's just…" I roughly swipe at my eyes, unable to keep the tears away as I lose all strength and fucking whisper, "Wh-What did I do wrong?"

Alex's suddenly holding me, my face pressed into his shoulder and I can't hold the tears back anymore. I'm so tired of crying over her. Over dad. Over anyone. Why does it always hurt so fucking badly? And how does Alex always know what to say or do to make me feel okay again? Why is he so much better at handling this shit than I am?


From: Alex

You've got this!

Give em hell this weekend, kid!

It's almost four on Thursday when Alex's texts light up my phone. I'm standing out in the parking lot with my teammates and most of the cheerleaders as I read Alex's messages, a smile tugging at my expression. The final game of the season is this weekend and I haven't been this excited in a long time. I'm standing at the end of one bus with my teammates, all of us waiting for Coach to check us off his list so he knows whether we're going on the bus or driving out for the game.

I respond to Alex's text with a stupid emoji cause I don't know what to say. It's only been a few days since I saw him last. When I was having a fucking breakdown at the garage and the memory is still too fresh in my mind to make texting him easy.

Coach is talking about how this game against Livermoreis going to go and I put my phone away, listening to what he's saying now. He's telling us that if we win, the Ravens will be the champions after losing three years straight. He says that if there isn't another group of players that could pull this off than us. That we're better than the other players he's coached and the feeling of pride stirs through all of us. It's not the first time that he's said something like that to us but it still works the way he wants it to. I know my teammates are pumped to finally play tomorrow and just watching them gets me energized too.

Our principal has cancelled school for tomorrow and I think she's just as anxious as we are for Casper High to bring home the win. Since tomorrow's free, a bunch of the students are driving out to watch the game tomorrow but my teammates and I have to be there tonight. Coach doesn't want to risk any of us getting lost on the way there. Especially considering a few of my teammates are driving out alone instead of taking the bus. And I definitely won't be on the bus either.

I slide my phone out of my pocket as Coach starts to cross people off his list. I check the time, wondering if I can convince Jeff or Kwan to ride with me instead of with Star and Paulina. On the one hand, the long stretch of road alone is gonna be nice but I don't know if I want to be alone either.

"Hey, you driving your car to the game?"

I don't have to turn around to know it's Danny but I do anyway, giving him a smile. "Probably," I respond, putting my phone away again. "Why? You hoping to hitch a ride with me?"

Danny's face is stained my favorite color as he slowly nods, dropping his gaze to the duffel bag he has clutched in his hands. "Y-Yeah… if you wouldn't mind?" he says more like a question and I don't know how I could ever say no to him. Not when he's giving me the smile that somehow makes me nervous.

"Of course I don't," I respond, digging my keys from my pocket. "Here. Put your stuff in my car. I'm just waiting for Coach to cross me off his list."

Danny gives me a nod accompanied with a bright smile and it almost floors me. He's gone before I have the chance to make an idiot of myself and I stare after him, a soft groan leaving me. Considering how nervous he makes me just from one of his smiles, is letting him in my car the best plan?

"What's wrong?" Kwan asks, suddenly next to me in line. His eyebrows are drawn down when I look at him but he quickly shifts his gaze out into the parking lot. He's glancing around like he's looking for what's causing the tension in me but his expression shifts when he sees what it is. Or who it is.

He looks back at me with a knowing smile and I roll my eyes, shoving his shoulder with mine. "Shut up, okay? I know, this is stupid," I glance up to make sure no one's listening to us but I drop my voice anyway. "He makes me really fucking nervous. Letting Danny ride with me before this game is probably a stupid idea."

Kwan shrugs, a smirk taking over his expression. "It's a better idea than letting him ride you before the game."

I think I die right there against the bus. I actually feel my body giving out at Kwan's fucking stupid response. My expression must be fucking priceless to him cause it only enhances that stupid ass grin on his face.

"Shut up before I kill you and then there won't be a fucking game to worry about," I say, shoving Kwan harder than necessary but he takes it with a laugh so I don't apologize. Not that he'd fucking deserve an apology from me after that.

Coach looks up from his list and calls my name, nodding when I tell him I'm driving out. He crosses me off his list and tells me to follow the bus when it leaves. Kwan catches my eye before I manage to slip away and I give him an extended view of my middle finger as I walk toward my car.

Across the lot, Paulina and Star are climbing into Jeff's car and he's already got some obnoxious music pumping from his speakers. Good thing I didn't ask him to ride with me – I always forget how awful his music taste is.

Danny's leaning against the side of my car, scrolling through his phone when I stop in front of him and Kwan's words come back to me, forcing a shaky breath out of me. Danny looks up from his screen, a smile taking over his expression when he sees me.

"Hey." He pushes away from my car, sliding his phone into his pocket. I hate the way I can't tear my gaze away from watching his phone disappear, my attention entirely devoted to the outline it's made in the pocket of his jeans that fit him so fucking well. "You ready to go?"

I meet his gaze, already knowing that my face is probably flushed as hell. All I can think about is how different this drive up would be if Danny had been close enough to hear what my loser of a best friend just said to me. Fuck you, Kwan. And fuck me for still having that mental image stuck in my head.

"Uhh… y-yeah!" I practically squeak, inwardly cringing at the way it sounds. I gesture to my car and start for the driver's side.

Danny gets into the passenger seat and I take in the parking lot along with another lungful of air before I open my door and settle down in the driver's seat. I keep my attention on the keys and starting my engine up before I spare a glance at the bus.

Coach is still standing outside but it looks like everyone's already on it. He's staring down at the clipboard in his hands but he slowly climbs the steps into the bus before the doors close behind him.

"We're supposed to follow the buses there," I explain, only looking toward Danny for a second or two before I tear my gaze away. I can't get the fucking butterflies in my stomach to calm down long enough for me to breathe comfortably. Knowing how nervous Danny makes me, I never should have offered the ride to him.

Danny settles back into the seat, clicking his seatbelt into place with a soft sigh. "So, my sister's been texting me a lot, asking if you'd come to Thanksgiving dinner at my place." He shrugs when I look toward him. "I was gonna invite you anyway but I think she'll disown me if I don't convince you to come."

"Wh-Why?"

The question's out of my mouth before I really think it through and I'm not even sure what I'm asking it for. Why is he bringing this up now, when Thanksgiving's still two weeks away? Why does his sister want me there? Why does he want me there?

Danny frowns, his eyebrows drawing downward. "Why what? Why does she want you there?" He deems my shrug a good enough answer and continues. "Cause she adores you, apparently," he mumbles softly, shaking his head. "She's asked a lot of questions since she met you."

I don't know how to feel about his sister and part of me is terrified that by "asking questions about me", Danny really means that she's interested in me. As in, wants to date me. I don't know why the fuck she would, it's not like I'm that great of a guy. And isn't it completely unrealistic for a college girl to be interested in me?

"Y-Yeah? What uh… what kind of questions?" I hope I'm just being an idiot and that she's not interested in me at all. I don't know how I'd manage to break the news to her that I can't date her because I think about her brother all the fucking time.

Danny shrugs, slouching down in his seat. "I don't know, all kinds. Like where you're going after high school, your interests, what you're like." He leans forward to play with the radio dial and nods toward my window. "The buses are leaving, by the way."

I look where he's nodded and put my car into drive, slowly easing out of the parking lot and away from where my mind's wandering. I really hope I'm just overthinking this whole thing and his sister's not into me at all. I've had my fair share of awkward conversations but one where I'd have to turn down a girl for her brother? God, that'd take the fucking cake.


The drive feels like it takes for-fucking-ever in the beginning but after a while, Danny turns some music on and the conversation between us starts to lose some of the tension. Mainly cause I manage to somehow put the thought of kissing him from my mind for longer than a few seconds.

We only stop once for gas and food and we make pretty decent time. By the time I park my car in the lot outside the hotel we're staying in, we're both exhausted from the drive but my car's one of the first ones here, aside from the buses. Coach is standing by one of the yellow beasts, directing my teammates and the cheerleaders inside the hotel and crossing more shit off his clipboard.

It's drizzling outside and the lights from the hotel sign and some of the neon signs outside of restaurants around the hotel are reflected in the puddles that have gathered in the parking lot from the rain. There's something in the air that feels tentative. Like this whole city is waiting to breathe until after the game. Until after one team wins and one team loses. Or maybe that's just me.

Coach looks up at the sound of my car door slamming shut and he watches us while Danny and I get our bags from the trunk. Coach glances between us before marking something down on his clipboard and he waits until we're close enough before he speaks.

"You should have told me you were bringing someone," he says, shaking his head almost as soon as the words leave his mouth. "Never mind, I'll fix it. I'll get your friend another room." He passes a key to me before exhaling out a breath. "I've already sent Kwan and Blake up to your room. Jeff will be joining you too whenever he shows up," Coach says, giving me a look that I'm sure is supposed to remind me that as captain, it's my job to make sure that my teammates don't do something stupid tonight or before the game tomorrow. I know Kwan will be fine and the only thing I'll have to stop Jeff from is sneaking over to whatever room Star is in but Blake on the other hand… there's never any guess what he'll do.

"R-Right… okay," I say, turning the key over in my hand before I look up at Coach again. "Can Danny stay with us instead of Jeff? There's two beds right – four of us?" Having Danny in the room with me before this game is probably the dumbest thing I've ever come up with but… I've already gotten attached to the idea of maybe having to share a bed with him.

Coach shrugs, dropping his gaze back to his clipboard. "If he wants to," he says, glancing up when Dale comes to a stop in front of him. My teammate listens to whatever room he's supposed to be in before he leaves, heading inside the hotel. I glance toward Danny and he lets out a quiet breath, hesitantly looking toward me as we start inside.

"I probably should have mentioned this to Coach," I say, glancing over my shoulder at him. "But don't worry, I won't let Kwan watch shitty soap operas all night. Scouts honor," I say with a grin that Danny doesn't return.

He groans softly instead and drops his bag onto the pavement. "I shouldn't have come," he says softly, glancing over his shoulder at Coach. "I-I need to tell him that I'll… pay for my own room." Danny turns on his heel with a heavy exhale as he starts for Coach again.

"Hey, wait." I grab him by the arm and turn him around. His teeth are digging into his bottom lip and his eyebrows are drawn down and I don't understand why he's that worried about Coach paying for an extra room. "The school funded this trip, okay? Trust me, if this was coming out of his pocket, he would have rented one room and made us all sleep on the floor."

He looks away from me and I guess I expected some of the tension to ease from him but it doesn't. Not even a little. His hands ball into fists beside him and he pulls away from me. I let him go for a second before I'm trailing after him.

Danny holds up a hand and it takes every bit of my willpower not to follow after him. He keeps walking but it's not toward Coach. He just paces the parking lot, staring up at the sky overhead and I'm frozen watching him. I don't know why he's so bothered by his room being paid for but I wish I'd just told Coach from the beginning if it meant this could be avoided.

I watch him for a few minutes but when he pulls his phone out and calls someone, I leave him alone and start inside the hotel. His bag is still on the ground where he left it and I grab it as I head inside. Danny didn't get a chance to see what room we're in so I hang out in the lobby, playing games on my phone to pass the time, hoping that whoever Danny talks to convinces him to stick around.


"Dash, what are you doing?" someone asks and my eyes snap open. I lift my head from where it's resting as I'm sprawled out on a couch, drool plastering my face to the cushions. Shit… did I actually fall asleep?

Paulina gives me a funny look when I glance back at her. She's quiet for a few seconds as she leans her forearms on the back of the couch, giving me a second to realize where the fuck I am before she speaks. "Why aren't you in your room?"

I swipe a hand down my face, fumbling for my phone to see the time. It's almost ten and I have no idea if Danny's still here. We pulled up just after eight and the sinking feeling in my gut is telling me that he's already on his way home.

"Something wrong?" Paulina asks, straightening up when I stand. I gather my bag along with Danny's and spare a glance in her direction.

I shake my head and look at the notifications on my phone, noting that I don't have any new texts from Danny. I don't think he's the type of person to just take off without letting me know but maybe he would…

"Have you seen Danny?" I ask, looking at Paulina again.

Her eyebrows draw down and she points behind me. I turn where she's looking and see Danny leaning against the reception counter. He's nodding to whatever the receptionist is telling him before he takes a key, leaving her with a soft smile.

Danny's steps falter when he sees me but he pushes out a breath and starts for me again. "I… H-Hey," he mumbles, rubbing at his arm. He glances at Paulina before nodding toward me. "Um… th-thanks for keeping up with my bag."

He holds out a hand for it and I hesitate a second before I give it to him. A fleeting smile cracks his worried expression for a moment and he shrugs a shoulder. "S-So, I should… probably go check out my room." Danny gestures toward the hall and I hate how nervous he still is.

Paulina glances between us before she excuses herself, quickly disappearing down the hall. Danny turns to watch her go and after a few seconds, he starts down the hall too. I only let him go for a second before I reach out and grab his arm.

Danny turns back to me, a hesitant expression on his face. I almost don't want to destroy that look he's wearing but the curiosity is killing me.

"Why… did you pay for your own room?" I ask, taking his hand in my own when he looks away from me. "Seriously, I told you. Coach isn't the one paying for this shit."

He shakes his head, glancing down at our hands. I'm suddenly aware of how unsteady mine is. I don't know why I'm shaking now of all times but Danny picks up on it and gently runs his thumb over the back of my hand. Like I need some kind of comfort. Fuck, Danny, I'm supposed to be comforting you.

"Just… cause. I don't… need the school – or anyone – to pay for my room." He shrugs, flicking his gaze up to mine again.

It's quiet between us for a few seconds until he roughly pushes out a breath as he tugs his hand from mine. "I'm exhausted and hungry. If you want to keep staring at me then at least follow me to my room so I can put my bag away before I find something to eat."

He starts down the hall, carrying his bag with him and I have no choice but to follow after him. We wait outside the elevator together until the doors part and let us inside. Thankfully we're alone so I don't have to focus on anyone else. But unfortunately, we're standing so close to each other, it makes me want to hit the emergency break so I can kiss him without anyone interrupting us. Which is a fucking awful thing to think in a cramped space like this one.

"I'm sorry for getting weird earlier," Danny says as the doors open. He starts off the elevator and I follow him off, turning over his words in my mind. He locates his room quickly and slides the key inside the lock, stepping back to let me go first.

He ditches his bag at the foot of his bed before he crawls onto the mattress with a contented sigh. He glances my way and I cross over to him, dropping my bag next to his. I sit on the edge of the bed and he watches me for a second before he stretches out on the mattress.

I want to mirror his position but I know the second I do, I won't be able to stop myself from rolling over and kissing him. Why… can't I kiss him? He told me he's gay and I'm… I'm something. What's stopping me from pressing my lips to his to finally find out what he tastes like?

"I don't know if you thought it was weird b-but it felt weird to me," Danny says, pulling me from my thoughts. He offers up a little shrug and the sensible part of my brain finally catches on to what the hell I was thinking. Kiss Danny? Here? Now? When I'm his ride home and he just paid for his own room cause he didn't want to bother anyone?

"Wasn't… weird," I mumble, tearing my gaze away from him. I stare down at the carpet, afraid if my gaze gets anywhere near Danny, I'll put my mouth on his and everything will change. I want everything to change but… god, I have no fucking clue if he does. And if he doesn't? It'll fuck everything up and… I really don't want to lose him.

Danny sits up beside me, leaning his shoulder against mine and making this whole thing harder. How am I supposed to keep myself from touching him when he's so close and warm? When his skin brushes against mine as he slides his hand on top of mine.

"You okay?" he asks softly, stirring things in my chest I thought had died long ago. Things like hope. Like wanting to see what the future holds because that future might include Danny now.

I slowly nod, gently pulling my hand away from his. I can't look at him cause I don't want to see the expression on his face right now. I don't know if it's disappointed or worried or if he just looks like Danny. I can't see any of it. I'll kiss him or I'll tell him all the shit I don't bring up cause it's depressing as fuck or-

"By the way… my invitation earlier was serious. You should come to my place for Thanksgiving," he says, still leaning his shoulder against mine. He lets out a breath and I feel it move through him. I close my eyes, taking in the sound before I repeat it myself.

"It's… really more of a… family thing," I mumble, already knowing it won't take him long to talk me into it. A holiday spent away from dad and around people I actually care about? I'll fucking jump at that kind of chance. It also doesn't hurt that Danny's the one asking.

Danny leans away from me and lays back on the bed again. I miss his warmth immediately and something about the sudden distance feels bigger than just for comfort.

I turn to look at him and we stare at each other for a few seconds, my heart fucking pounding. I still don't trust myself but I lean back next to him, resting my face inches from his. My gaze instantly falls to his lips and I just want to reach out and touch him. Kiss him. God, I want to fucking kiss him.

"It's just my parents and my sister. It's not like we have extended family fly in or anything," Danny says, chewing on his bottom lip. "Though Tucker might join us this year…"

"Tucker?" I swipe a hand down my face, letting out a breath before I meet Danny's gaze again. "Is that the guy I talked to on your phone?"

Danny's face lights up and he nods. "Yeah, that's him." He stretches his arms over his head with a small sigh. "I'm surprised you remember him, honestly. A lot of people kind of block him from their minds cause he can be really obnoxious."

"Your um… sister wants me there?" I manage to cough out, somehow lifting my gaze from the curve of his mouth. He glances my way, nodding once, before his stare is on the ceiling again. I fucking hate that I have to even fucking ask this but I can't stop my mind from wandering. "She um… she's like… in college, yeah?"

Danny shifts on the mattress, nodding again. "Yeah. Sophomore."

A college girl doesn't usually hit on high school guys but… shit, I can't stop my mind from coming up with every awkward situation this would cause. If she likes me, I'll have to come clean to her at some point that I'm not interested in her at all cause I'm too busy thinking about fucking her brother.

"Why?" Danny asks, dropping his arm over his eyes with a heavy sigh.

Shit, I don't want to tell him what the fuck I'm thinking of. I don't expect every girl to fucking throw themselves at me but Danny said she was asking questions about me… he said she adores me. God, I'm reading way too far into this stupid fucking situation.

"She's not like… you said she uh… sh-she adores me?" I swallow hard when he nods. "Does she… have a boyfriend?"

He tenses, lifting his arm just high enough to look up at me with a small shake of his head. "Are you hitting on my sister?" My face fucking bursts into flames at his assumption but it cracks a smile on his face.

"N-No!" I manage, scrubbing a hand down my face. God, why would I hit on his sister? He's the one I fucking want. "I-Is she… hitting on me?" I ask, and the realization of how stupid that sounds hits me as soon as the words leave my mouth.

Danny lets out a noise that's some cross between a shriek and garbled laughter. "Oh my god, Dash!" he manages before laughter rocks through him and he rolls over onto his stomach to try and quiet the noise.

I know my face is bright fucking red. "What? I thought she was… sh-shut up!"

He twists on the mattress, burying his face in the covers in an attempt to conceal his laughter even more but it doesn't work. I resort to a one-man pillow fight with the nearest pillow until he sobers up enough.

"To answer your ridiculous question, no, my sister is not trying to hit on you," he says with another snort, shaking his head as he looks up at me. He tilts his head to one side and it looks almost like he's asking a question with the movement. Like he's wondering if I'm disappointed that she isn't. But I couldn't be more fucking relieved and I think it shows on my face.

Danny's still quietly chuckling as he flops back on the mattress with a sigh and that single noise makes me forget that he was ever teasing me. He runs a hand through his hair and I watch the strands curl around his fingers before he releases them and I hate myself for wanting his hands to be mine. So I could be the one touching him. I can picture myself smoothing his hair down and planting gentle kisses across his face after he's had a long day at work and I don't know why I'm feeling this way. I've never been the romantic type but I want to be with Danny. Cause I'm pathetic while he's perfect and I'd feel honored just to hold his fucking hand.


Several chaperones check into our rooms around curfew to make sure we're all where we're supposed to be. After we're settled for the night, it takes a while but my roommates drop off to sleep one by one. I can't turn my mind off and I stare up at the ceiling, feeling the nervous tension building in my gut.

I'm not one for pre-game jitters and this doesn't feel like that. The tension spiraling in my gut and up into my chest feels like it's over something so much bigger than a football game. I feel the crushing weight of everything hit me all at once and I don't know what to do with it. This feeling makes it hard to breathe and my chest is practically screaming as my heart pounds. I don't know why I'm starting to panic but I can't keep myself together and I shove my covers off, knowing that I'm nowhere close to sleeping right now.

Moving as quietly as I can, I slip my shoes on and grab my phone before I leave the room. I pace the hall for a few minutes but it's not enough. I'm too close to other people and I just need to get away. Find a space where I can breathe easier.

I take the elevator down to the lobby and wander outside, letting the cold night air hit me. I draw in one lungful of air after another, just trying to keep myself from panicking. It doesn't work and I curse myself for the way I can't stop shaking. The way I can't stop thinking.

My phone is cold in my hand and I turn the screen on just as the time clicks over to two AM. I stare down at the time, letting out a slow breath before I unlock my phone. After a few minutes navigating through my recent calls, I find mom's number and my thumb hovers over the call button. I want to talk to her. Hear her voice. But I'm afraid to call her in this state. What if she's able to talk me out of everything I decided with Alex? What if one second into the call, I change my mind? Let her get to me again?

One tap is all it takes for the ringing to start and I press the phone to my ear, letting out a breath that hangs in the air. I watch it rise higher in the night sky before it evaporates into nothing just as the call connects.

"He…llo?"

I blow out a breath, feeling the tension coursing through me all over again. "Hey," I mumble, scrubbing a hand down my face in the silence. "I don't know why I'm calling you, it's late and I know I probably woke you and I'm sorry, it's just… everything is just-"

"You got the wrong number, kid."

I blink, pulling my phone away to check the number again just to make sure I didn't hit the wrong one. I hit the right number but… that's definitely a guy's voice. What the hell? "Uhh… I'm sorry, I was… I'm trying to reach my mom?" I say, more like a question, my mind racing. Who the hell just answered mom's phone?

The guy lets out a soft grunt and exhales heavily before he's speaking again. "Kid, it's two in the morning. I don't know what number your mom gave you but you've got the wrong one."

How the fuck do I have the wrong number? This is the number mom called me from. I didn't type it in, I just hit call back. How could I have fucked that up in any way? Mom might have used somebody else's phone or something but… why wouldn't she have told me?

I don't know what to say and I desperately try to remember if mom said anything about calling her when there's rustling on the other end and I hear mom's voice. She sounds half-asleep but her words aren't slurred like that guys sounded. "Hey, baby… what's going on?"

"What? N-Nothing… wh-who was that?" I ask, the grip on my phone becoming tighter with each second she lets slip by in silence. A shiver runs through me and even though it's cold as fuck outside, I don't think that's the only reason I'm shaking. "Mom."

She lets out a heavy sigh and there's more rustling. "No one, don't worry about it. Why're you calling?" Mom hesitates a second before asking, "Did he do something?"

It takes me a second before I realize she's talking about dad. "What? No, he didn't do anything, I'm not… mom who was that?"

"No one, baby."

I don't believe her. Who the hell is at her place at two in the morning? Some guy answered her phone. Fuck, she's seeing someone? Already?

Mom sighs into the phone. "Dash, do you have any idea what time it is?"

"Yeah, I know, I'm sorry. I just… wanted to hear your voice," I mumble, feeling like an idiot when the silence settles in again. Shit, why don't I ever think things through? Mom was sleeping, probably has to get up soon for work and I'm feeling sorry for myself again cause why? I'm lonely? Everyone else is asleep while I'm awake? I still can't stop myself from panicking?

A door closes on mom's end and the sound pulls me from my thoughts. There's a few seconds of rustling before her voice comes back on the line. "You sure nothing happened?" she asks, a yawn escaping her. I wish something had happened just so I could have another reason for calling her aside from not being able to deal with all the shit running through my head.

"Y-Yeah," I mumble, running a hand down my face. I can't think like this. There's so much I want to say to her, things I want to tell her, but I can't get my mouth to work.

She exhales into the receiver. "Honey, I miss you. You know I do but… it's late. We should both probably get some sleep."

I want to say okay and pretend like I was just calling to hear her voice but the truth is, I haven't been able to stop thinking about everything Alex said to me the last time I saw him. About mom. And how I don't owe her anything. It's the worst possible moment to bring this shit up cause my heart's still pounding like crazy and I know I need to give myself more time to consider this decision but I don't think I can let another thing eat at me any longer.

"I've been thinking about what you said. About… talking to your attorney," I say, listening to her weighted silence. She almost holds her breath as I drag one in and part of me hates myself for the decision I've made. "I-I… can't lie, mom."

Mom's silence is so heavy, I can practically feel it as I swallow. I slowly push a breath out and run a hand through my hair. "I'm sorry," I mumble, not entirely sure why I can't stop talking. "I don't… know, I just can't… I can't lie."

I scrub a hand down my face and start pacing outside the hotel again, trying to keep myself from changing my mind. God, I fucking hate this silence.

"I can talk to your attorney, mom. I can do that for you. But you can't ask me to lie, okay? Please don't, I can't." I don't know why she asked me to in the first place. Doesn't it make a more convincing argument if the guy she's trying to get away from not only beat the shit out of her but her kid as well?

Mom finally sighs and I hang on to the sound, afraid that it'll be the last one I hear from her before she hangs up or says that she never wants to see me again. She surprises me by doing neither.

"Dash… This divorce hearing, this restraining order… it will all go so much more smoothly if you cooperate with me, okay? I'm trying not to drag you too far into this, if your father found out that you've been talking to me…" she trails off and I don't know if I have the heart to tell her that it's too late for that. She takes my silence as some kind of confirmation and groans softly. "Baby, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?"

God-fucking-dammit, I'm so sick of tearing up. Especially over the same old shit. So dad knocks me around when he gets angry, so what? Why am I still so fucking upset over it? Why? Cause I had to go to the hospital? Boo-fucking-hoo.

I scratch the back of my head, inwardly cursing myself for the tears that are threatening to spill over and mumble out my response. "Y-Yeah, I'm okay now," I nearly choke over the words, my throat feeling tighter the longer this conversation lasts.

"About my attorney…" mom continues on like she never asked if I was okay and I don't know if I prefer it to be swept under the rug or if I want her to drag it out and deal with it. "Can you trust that I'm trying to protect you?"

Protect me from what? It's too late to stop dad from doing whatever the fuck he wants to do.

"Mom, I can't lie for you," I repeat, feeling like an idiot for even calling her in the first place. I should have waited to talk to her. This could have waited but I have such a fucking talent for picking the worst time to handle something. "If you want me to tell your attorney what happened to us… wh-what dad's done, I can do that. But th-that's the only way I'll help. I can't… lie."

I feel the tension between us instantly and I don't want to keep talking to her. I tell her to call me when she decides if she wants my help before I abruptly hit end on the call, not waiting for her response.

Time seems to slow down as I stare at my phone trying to decide if I made the right choice. Mom insists this'll go easier if I lie but… Alex seems to think she only wants me to lie so she doesn't have to admit that she left me with dad. I don't know what to believe but for fuck's sake, is it too much to ask for to have one decent parent?


A/N:

Yo, yo, yo! Thanks for checking out another update in this story! All of these characters are precious to me and the fact that you enjoy reading about them makes me happy

Speaking of precious characters… what do you think of how Alex handled the situation with Dash and his mom? Do you think it's better that Dash is refusing to lie or do you think he should just be going through with this to get away from his dad faster?

Danny refusing to let Dash's coach or the school pay for his room is definitely something to be talked about, yeah? What do you think his reasoning behind that is? There's a lot of mystery surrounding Danny and his past so really, any guess is a good one. I'd love to know yours

Also, what do you think of the idea of Dash spending Thanksgiving with the Fentons? Poor Dash for thinking that Jazz was hitting on him… too bad it wasn't the right Fenton hitting on him, eh? ;p

The title of this chapter comes from Can You Feel My Heart? by Bring Me The Horizon. I kind of wanted to pick a title that had something to do with Dash's mom and the ending scene in general but I couldn't find anything that really fit. So I went with this title instead because I feel like it relates to the first part of this chapter fairly well, where Dash is with Alex

Thank you again for reading this update, I really like seeing your reactions whenever I post a new chapter and honestly, the enthusiasm I get from posting updates keeps me writing. So, thanks! I really hope you enjoyed this update and that you're looking forward to more. See you next update!