A/N: Warning, this chapter is like 24k, just wanted to let you know before you settle in for "a quick read"


The crowd pours onto the field and when the Livermore players peel themselves off of me, I'm finally able to breathe again. Keith jogs over to me, tucking his helmet under his arm before he extends a hand down to me, a huge fucking grin on his face.

I manage to take his hand but getting up from the grass is more difficult than I thought it would be. Every part of my body hurts and I don't know how to play it off. Keith gives me a curious look that I just barely manage to brush off with a wobbly smile but it's easy to fly under the radar with how loud the crowd is cheering for us.

Everyone's on the field now, all the people from Amity Park surrounding us and wanting to congratulate us. Parents find their kids and hug them tightly and Alex is the first of the Moreno's to get to me. He's grinning and he wraps me in a hug and I ignore the pain it brings me. Because my team won the fucking championship game and Alex is here along with his family and I can see Danny grinning just behind Tatiana and I'm so goddamn happy, I feel like I'm gonna burst. But it's a good feeling. It's a really fucking good feeling.


I'm in worse pain leaving the field with my teammates than I was when we walked on. But I'm so fucking happy, I'm able to ignore it. We're all carrying the trophy, screaming our lungs out on our way to the locker room and I'm hoisted onto my teammates' shoulders at one point. I know I pump my fist repeatedly and we shout choruses of victory but I feel like I'm watching this happen outside of myself. I've been excited and confident about this game since our last one but I never actually thought the Ravens would be taking home the win.

Several reporters are trying to get quotes from us, talk about how close the game was, but Coach shuts us all away inside the locker room.

"Come on, Coach, why can't we just give em a few minutes of our time?" Blake asks, flashing a grin.

Keith sinks down on the bench beside me and we share a look. Out of all of my teammates, Blake's always the one to talk to the press. After tonight, it's pretty much a guarantee that his face is gonna be the one plastered all over the newspapers in Amity Park. Wouldn't surprise me if he ends up in some of the newspapers here in Livermore.

Coach gives Blake a look and points at the bench behind him. "Sit."

My teammate grumbles but collapses onto the hard plastic beside the rest of us. I lean forward, resting my forearms against my thighs. The pain radiating through me right now is endless and I wish this wasn't happening now. We won. I should be able to just be happy and go out with my friends and party like this is our last night on earth. But something's telling me that I'm gonna be in way too much pain to join in any celebrations.

"The win is yours, boys," Coach suddenly says, pulling me from my thoughts. He's smiling when I look up at him and he lets out a laugh. "After six years, the Ravens have brought home the trophy. I can't even begin to tell you all how proud I am of you. And you should be proud too."

He steps back from us, shaking his head as he sets the trophy down on one of the few empty benches in the locker room. "After you leave this room, you can talk to whoever you want to – reporters, friends, family… anyone. But right now, this moment is yours. Take it in. Know that hard work and dedication is what brought you here today. No amount of natural talent can beat what you've displayed here tonight. Each and every one of you out there on the field tonight are champions."

Coach's gaze drifts toward mine and I can't help but feel like he's talking directly to me now. "You are amazing players and every opportunity you get from here on out should remind you of that. You didn't get here by luck. You fought hard for this victory." He bows his head, taking a few steps backward with a broad smile. "Congratulations, Ravens. It's been an honor coaching you."

He leaves the locker room then and the quiet that descended over my teammates is quickly forgotten. Everyone starts talking at once, excited chatter crowding up the empty space where Coach was, and Dale loudly reminds all of us that he's throwing a party in his room around ten and that we'd all better get our asses there.

I move from the bench, my movements feeling pretty damn sluggish despite the general excitement I can feel rippling through the air. We won. This is a good thing. But fuck, this hurts.

My teammates keep up a steady flow of chatter and I catch a few things they're talking about. A couple of people are discussing the party in Dale's room. Blake is talking about scoring alcohol from his parents. Jeff is going on and on about Star again, Keith mentions his sister, and I-

Am I breathing?

I drag in a strangled gulp of oxygen as I stumble over to the showers and for the first time since I walked off the field, I truly feel the pain running through me right now. I strip off my gear and when my shirt comes off, it's with a flash of red that makes me freeze.

Everyone else in the locker room is talking excitedly and I'm leaning against the wall of the shower, washing blood off my side. Holy fucking shit.

My breath comes out in a gasp and I see stars as I turn toward the shower spray a little more, trying to limit my movements in case I fucking broke my rib. Fuck, what am I supposed to do? I don't have any painkillers here, they're all back at the hotel.

Jeff calls out to me, his hands cupped around his mouth and I think I raise my hand in response but I don't know. It's hard to concentrate on anything other than this pain and I try to steady my breathing. I probably look anti-social as fuck right now but I'm in way too much pain to notice anything or anyone else. It's not that I don't want to celebrate with my teammates. I do. So fucking badly. But the pain radiating through me right now is the worst my rib has felt in a long time and I can't fucking focus on anything else. Please tell me I didn't break my fucking rib.


My teammates are so distracted by celebrating, they barely notice when I slip out of the locker room. Keith and Kwan are two of the only ones to pick up on it. Kwan turns around to watch me go and shoots a worried glance my way that I don't know how to respond to. I don't want to tell him that I'm fucking bleeding so I end up lifting a shoulder in a half-shrug before I let the door close between us.

I release a breath, my fingers trembling as I dig my phone from my pocket. Danny's necklace is still around my neck and I close my hand around it for a second, reminding myself that it's there, before I quickly send a message off.

To: Danny

Really need to talk to you

To: Danny

Where are you?

I stumble forward just a few paces, trying to judge if I can actually make it to the bleachers, when a hand touches my shoulder. I start at the touch and turn around to see Coach, a wide smile on his face.

"Your performance tonight was phenomenal," he says, reaching out to clap a hand on my shoulder and I try not to wince. "You have no idea how many people you've just impressed. You're going to have your pick of colleges, Dash. Your pick."

A nervous breath leaves me and though his words spark excitement in my chest, the pain is still strong enough to distract me. I give a nod instead of telling him how fucking thankful I am for everything he's done and it doesn't feel like enough. But I don't trust myself to move without fucking breaking cause of the pain.

"I mean it, you were amazing out there tonight. I'm so proud of your team but seeing you out there tonight… Dash, I was so proud. I felt like I was watching you play for the first time," he says, squeezing my shoulder and giving me a little shake as a small laugh tumbles from him. "You probably want to go hang out with your friends and your family so I won't keep you for long but… I wanted you to know that come Monday, you will have offers. More than offers, Dash, you'll have opportunities."

I wish there was something I could say. Some way to tell him how much I appreciate everything he's done for me and how much he's believed in me but… I suck with words and I'm in pain. Now's just not the time for me to be thanking anyone.

Coach wraps his arm around my shoulders and pulls me into a hug I wasn't entirely prepared for but I recover pretty well. Even though it's causing more pain to ripple through me, I let him hug me and I even put my hand on his back too. He says again that he's proud of me before he lets me go and wanders a few paces away from me, back toward the locker room.

I only watch him for a few seconds before I decide that if I keep standing here, I'll probably fucking collapse. I can still see stars as I walk away from him but I manage to get across to the bleachers, digging my phone from my pocket to check Danny's response.

From: Danny

I'm in the parking lot with Alex and his family. Is everything okay?

My hands are actually shaking and I'm struggling to drag in a breath and I really don't want to type, I'd rather just come up to him and have him hold my hand as I tell him I'm in so much fucking pain I can't breathe but I don't want Alex to see me like this. Or Anastasia or Tatiana. God, especially Tatiana.

To: Danny

Can you come to me? I'm still on the field, sitting on the bleachers

I all but collapse onto the last row of the bleachers, jerking my hand through my hair. We won. We actually fucking won. And everything has been so good today. I spent a lot of my day with Danny and Valerie and… and Alex showed up and his family's here and Tatiana saw me play and fuck.

My breath comes in a short gasp and with a flash of pain that has me doubling over. Fuck, what the fuck did I do to my rib? I drop my head in my hands and squeeze my eyes closed, trying to keep myself from panicking. Why didn't I take more than two fucking painkillers into the locker room with me?

"Dash?"

I look up at my name and Danny's in front of me. He frowns at my appearance and I can only imagine what I look like. He takes a step forward, nudging my knees apart with his. I'm fucking ashamed at where the heat in my body pools to as I stare up at him. Fuck, Danny, you're gonna make this worse.

"What's wrong?" he asks softly, his voice gentle as he rests a hand on my shoulder. His fingers curl in the fabric of my t-shirt and a pained breath escapes me as my eyes fall closed. Why is he so perfect? Why does looking at him do things to my car crash of a heart?

I swallow thickly, feeling like all of my bravado is flooding through my system now that he's here in front of me. I want to reach up and tug him down into a kiss. Say that I called him out onto the field because I needed to tell him. To finally show him how I feel, to-

Danny kneels in front of me, his pelvis fucking inches from mine as he leans forward to brush the hair from my forehead when my eyes fly open. He gives me a troubled look, delicately tracing a scar on my cheek as he lets out a breath.

"Are you… okay?" he asks, his voice barely above a whisper.

I slowly nod, gritting my teeth against the pain as I push my fingers through my hair again.

"What happened?" Danny questions, his touches gentle against my skin as he puts one hand on my cheek. His eyebrow's draw down as he stares at me and I wonder what expression I'm wearing.

I wonder if he knows. If he recognizes that touch of adoration my face adopts whenever he's around. If he recognizes that I don't just appreciate his presence cause he's a good friend. I appreciate the hell out of him cause he's so much more amazing than I'll ever deserve.

My heart's hammering but I lean forward, burying my face in his chest, and inhale the scent of him. God, I could get drunk off the feeling of his arms sliding around my back as he presses me against his chest.

"Dash, what is it?" he asks, dropping his cheek against the top of my head. Oh fuck. N-No, don't play with my hair, Danny, you're gonna be the death of me. Fenton, please.

I push out a breath, trying to let some of my feelings for him go with the action. Of course it doesn't work. Of course I'm still wrapped up in him, wanting him to take it further cause I'm too fucking chicken to. Why can't he tug my face up to meet his and press his lips to mine?

"I'm… in pain," I mumble, curling my fingers around the back of his t-shirt.

He freezes, his hands going still on my back for a few seconds. "You're what?" he whispers, pulling away just far enough to get a look at my face. I can only shrug and even that drags a wince from me. Danny frowns, shaking his head. "I don't understand. What happened? Was it that last play – when those guys tackled you?"

I shake my head, swallowing down the bundle of nerves when I look up at him. "No, I… didn't get a chance to take any painkillers before the game and my rib is killing me and there was some blood and I-"

"What?" Danny breathes, pulling away from me further, his gaze quickly sweeping down my body. "Blood where?"

I lean back just a little and tug the hem of my shirt up. Most of the blood washed off in the shower but the area is still red and I can see a few drops of blood beading up to the surface already. I grimace at the sight and look up to see Danny making the same face.

"Jesus, Dash," he says softly, tugging my shirt up a little higher. He pushes his hair back from his face before he leans closer to get a better look at the spot. When he gently places his hand on my rib, a shiver runs through me and I don't know if he realizes how cold his hands are right now.

I watch him for a split second before I let out a pained breath. "Do you… think my rib broke through the skin? Does it look like that?"

Danny shakes his head, letting my shirt fall back into place as he leans over me. "I can't tell. It doesn't really look that way to me but we should get this checked out just in case," he responds, standing up before he extends his hand down to me.

"I'm not going to the hospital tonight," I say, giving Danny a pointed look when he raises an eyebrow. "My team just won the fucking championship game. I'm hanging out with them tonight, not around a bunch of doctors."

He rolls his eyes, scoffing lightly. "It's not like there won't be another party, Dash."

I don't care if there are a fucking million parties when we get back to Amity Park – I'm not blowing off this one. We won the championship game and I'm hanging with my team tonight. This pain will just have to fuck off for a few hours.

"Look, I texted you cause I was hoping for you to come up with a reason to go back to the hotel and tell it to Alex and his family. I know they're gonna want to go out for dinner to celebrate but I want to get my painkillers first. I have some in my room, I just didn't get a chance to take them before the game." I watch his expression falter for a second and I know he'll give in with just a little nudge. "Please? I want to spend time with my friends tonight. If I'm still in pain tomorrow, I promise I'll have someone take a look at it."

Danny looks away from me, chewing on his bottom lip as he thinks it over. His gaze flits down the field and when he stares at the end zone, I know I've lost the fight. He won't let me get out of this. He's gonna drag me to the hospital and I'll spend the rest of the night pretending that I was injured during the football game and not because of my dad's hands. Please don't make me do that tonight, Danny.

"The only way that I'll let this go… is if you let Tatiana take a look at you when we get back to the hotel," Danny says, meeting my stare as my stomach drops. "She's a nurse, Dash. If anyone can help you, it's her."

Fuck. I don't want her to see me like this. I don't want anyone to see me like this. But I'm in pain and I just want to party with my teammates and forget about all the shit that's followed me all the way to Livermore. I know Danny won't let this go unless I say yes so I nod.

Danny takes a small step closer to me and when his hand drops onto my shoulder, that's all the permission I need. I lean forward again, my cheek against his stomach and he exhales out heavily, trailing his fingers down my spine.

He doesn't try to insist that I go see somebody or that I take it easy tonight. He just holds me and as much as I want to break away and fight with him about telling Tatiana, I don't. Because I just want to get this over with so I can stop thinking about dad and how he always manages to fuck things up even when he's fucking miles away.


I don't know how long I stay in Danny's arms but eventually, we separate and start for the parking lot together in silence. He doesn't bring up the fact that I'm walking slowly and instead chooses to fall into step beside me. And it makes my heart flutter and I don't know what that says about me.

"You took for-fucking-ever, squirt, I'm starving!" is how Anastasia chooses to greet us. Which earns her a glare from Tatiana and a grin from both Valerie and Alex.

Seeing Anastasia duck her head as Tatiana calls her down in Spanish makes me smile too. When she looks up at me, still partially listening to her mom's scolding, I stick my tongue out at her. She looks like she's itching to respond with the middle finger but we both know that wouldn't go over well.

Tatiana, satisfied with Anastasia's sort-of apology, turns to me, her smile instantly back in place. "Congratulations are in order, Dash. You did really well out there today." She holds her arms out and a sigh tumbles from me before I step into her embrace, knowing what has to happen soon.

Anastasia and Alex share a look and even Valerie's watching me carefully. The only one that isn't is Danny. He gives me a sympathetic glance before he exhales heavily, dropping his gaze to his phone as he tugs it from his pocket.

"Shoot," he mumbles, and I watch Alex shift his gaze from me to Danny.

I turn away from them, burying my face in Tatiana's shoulder as Alex asks him what's wrong. Danny says he forgot to take his anxiety medication and starts to ramble on about how skipping one day won't really hurt but it'll mess with him tomorrow. So Alex says that we're going out for dinner but we can stop by the hotel first. And I cling to Tatiana, a shiver running through me. I don't want to do this, Danny, please don't make me do this.

Tatiana doesn't act surprised, smoothing down my hair with a soft hum. She gently sways from side-to-side, taking me with her every movement and I don't know if she realizes how comforting it is. How much it's calming the storm inside my veins.

She pulls away from me far sooner than I want her to but I reluctantly let her go, doing my best to return the smile she's giving me. I think she can tell that I'm fragile right now cause her hand lingers on my shoulder.

"You won, squirt," Anastasia says, like I need some kind of reminder. Like my hesitancy has anything to do with the fact that my team fucking won. I don't need a reminder, I need to stop being in so much fucking pain, I can't breathe.

I force a smile on my face, attempting to fold my arms over my chest before I realize how painful it is. So I give up halfway through and my arms just hang limply at my sides instead. "Y-Yeah… we did."

Alex looks miles past concerned and I wish I could tell him I'm fine. I wish I could lie.

"We're so proud of you, Dash," Tatiana says, temporarily distracting me from the shit in my head. She's smiling at me and I feel everything choking me again. Like I'm about to cry. Shit, I really don't want to do this, Danny. "I had Ana look up a few restaurants around the hotel to see where we could go and I think we've finally settled on something." She looks away from me, glancing between Valerie and Danny. "You two should be there. I'm sure Dash wants to celebrate with friends. Is that right, miel?"

She's smiling when she looks at me with the question and though the tension is climbing higher and higher in my chest, I respond with a nod and force myself to give her a smile back.

"We're going back to the hotel first, Danny forgot something," Alex says, rolling his eyes when he realizes she's not listening – busy nodding along to something Anastasia is saying. "Ana, cállate. Mom, are you listening to me?"

Tatiana turns to look at him, raising an eyebrow in question and he repeats the plan to her. I slip away from the two of them and Danny's quick to follow, the two of us hanging out toward the back of the group now.

I watch Alex talk with his mom and I can't help the nervous tremor building up inside of me. I don't want to tell Tatiana anything but Danny's right. I need to get this looked at. I just really fucking hope she doesn't make me go to the hospital.

"It'll be okay," Danny whispers, sliding his hand into mine and squeezing gently to give me strength. To silently tell me that I can do this. And I want to believe him. I want to just pretend that everything's gonna be okay but I don't think it's going to be. I wish I had Danny's confidence and strength to get through this situation but fear was molded into my bones at birth and I've never really outgrown it. I'm terrified to do this and I'm terrified to not do this. I wish I was stronger than this. I wish I wasn't so scared. But if fear is the only way to get me to tell Tatiana the truth then I guess I have to fucking embrace it. Because it feels like everything's gonna change now.


There's a bit of a debate over who's driving but in the end, we all pile into Tatiana's car. We're technically a seat short but Anastasia and Valerie buckle into the same seat together. Which puts me squished between Danny and Valerie. Who keeps shooting me sly looks that I'm gonna have to kill her for.

The hotel is only a few minutes away from the stadium but traffic is horrendous so we end up sitting there for longer than I think I can take. With the way my anxiety is spiraling out of control inside of my gut, I don't know if I'll be able to breathe until I get this over with. Until Tatiana knows what's going on with me. I don't know if Alex has told her anything about my dad or if she suspects anything but… she'll know after tonight.

I feel like everything's moving in slow motion but it's only a few minutes until Tatiana's pulling her car to a stop in front of the hotel. She cuts the engine off and looks up at the rearview mirror, giving Danny a smile.

"Okay, miel. We'll wait for you out here," she says, smiling when he nods.

Anastasia climbs out of the middle row of seats and opens the side door to let Danny out and I'm quick to follow him. Alex looks back at me with a curious expression on his face but I mumble that I want to grab a hoodie cause it's fucking cold out and I start for the hotel.

I'm distantly aware of Anastasia getting back into the car and of Danny asking Tatiana to come up with him so he can show her something and get her opinion on it. She seems a little confused at first but whatever he whispers softly gets her attention and she leaves the car.

My heart is racing as I open the door to the hotel and let it swing shut behind me. I nervously run a hand through my hair and head in the direction of the elevators. My hands are trembling nervously and I shove them to the depths of my pockets to try and stop it. I don't want Tatiana to see me like this. Fuck, she's gonna see me worse than this in a few seconds.

Danny holds the door open for Tatiana and she's quickly heading my way. From the bright smile still on her face, I know Danny hasn't told her anything. I shift my gaze from her back to the elevator, jamming my thumb against the button again. I don't want to do this. I can't do this. Danny, please don't make me do this.

"Everyone in the crowd was so excited about that last play," Tatiana is saying to me and I think I nod to her sentiment. Danny's hovering just behind us and I keep my stare trained downward as the three of us climb into the elevator.

Tatiana keeps up steady chatter on the ride up to our floor and I try not to let it scratch at me. To sway me from what has to happen now. From everything she'll know now. But when her talkative nature slips away and leaves us in stilted silence, I don't know how to not panic. How to stop it from tearing at the very edges of my sanity and turning me into a fucking wreck.

"Is something wrong?" Tatiana asks when my breath catches. And she puts her hand on my shoulder and makes this worse and I can't breathe right. I can't think about her knowing the truth because it's terrifying the fuck out of me. Alex knows. Anastasia knows. It only makes sense that Tatiana should know too. But I'm so fucking terrified that it'll change the way she sees me. That it'll change everything.

The doors open and I all but tumble out of the elevator. Danny follows me out and his touch calms me more than Tatiana's did. He gently pushes me forward a few paces, toward his room, and his voice is low in my ear as he leans closer to me to talk.

"I'll be here with you as long as you need me to be."

I swallow hard, my every nerve ending on fire as I nod. I don't want to do this at all. I don't want Tatiana to see me like this. But having Danny here is gonna make it easier. God, please make this easier on me, Danny.

He steps past me to unlock his door and I hover next to him, too afraid to look back at Tatiana. Somewhere dep inside my chest, I know that her kindness outweighs my fear. I know that she would never change her opinion of me because of what I've been through. But my rational brain isn't in touch with reality right now. And I'm left floating on a bed of uncertainty and fear.

Danny holds the door open for me and I step inside first. I make it past the entry way and the door to the bathroom but I collapse against the nearest wall that will support me. I've made it look casual, the way I'm standing, but Danny knows what's going on and he gives me a look as he passes by, leading Tatiana further into the room.

She closes the door behind her before she comes to where Danny's standing with me. Her gaze flits between the two of us and my throat constricts when she settles on looking at me. She tilts her head in concern, somehow knowing that this silence – this heaviness – is because of me.

"Miel, what's going on?" she asks softly, reaching out to touch me.

I shy away from her hand, pushing away from the wall to keep a bit of distance between us. I keep my gaze trained down on the carpet, a million things bubbling up in the back of my throat and threatening to choke me. I don't want to do this. Let me off the hook, Danny. Please.

"Dash is hurt," Danny says softly.

A shaky breath tumbles from me in the silence and I slowly glance up at Tatiana again. Her eyebrows are drawn down, her gaze focused on Danny, and I feel the floor shifting underneath me. Please don't let this change everything. I'm begging you, please don't let this change everything.

Tatiana meets my stare and I suck in a breath so ragged, my world turns. My knees buckle and I almost lose my footing when I shuffle forward a step. Danny looks like he might try to catch me but I right myself even though I sway in place. Even though I feel like I'm about to go crashing down to the floor, I manage to keep myself upright.

"What happened?" Tatiana asks, placing her hand on my arm.

My breath sticks in my throat at her touch and I don't have any words to speak. I don't have a way to make this come out beautifully or stoic. My dad beats me. It feels sharp and biting to simply say the words and I don't want it to come out that way. I don't want my words to hurt on the way out and I don't want them to fall harshly on Tatiana's ears. I don't want to deal with any part of this situation. I just want it all to go away.

"He's hurt, Tatiana. I was hoping you could take a look at him," Danny says, nudging my arm with the back of his hand. He nods toward the bed when I manage to drag my stare up to his face. When I don't move an inch from the spot I've rooted myself in, he places his hand on my back and gently pushes me toward the bed.

I stumble over my first step but my second one is steadier. I keep my fists clenched at my sides every step between where I was and where the bed is but I make it there. I make it there in one piece and I collapse onto the bed with a groan of pain and one of reluctance. Why did I let Danny talk me into this? Why did I text him when I left the locker room?

Tatiana crosses over to me instantly and rather than have her ask me, I lift my shirt. My face flushes at the expression on her face when she sees the bruising and the blood and I can't meet her gaze when she looks up at me. My hands are shaking around the hem of my shirt and I almost lose my grip once or twice.

Danny crosses over to the bed too, sinking down on side of me, his hip pressed against mine, and I think he's trying to ground me in this moment. I think he's trying to remind me that I'm in a hotel room with him and Tatiana and not back with my dad. But from the way Tatiana is looking at me and my staggered breathing, I feel like I'm there again. I feel like I'm lying on my bedroom carpet as dad points a gun at me and that same fear shoots through me when I glance up at Tatiana again.

For a moment, we just stare at each other. She shakes her head, I mouth the words, "I'm sorry" but it doesn't matter. My apology means nothing and her disbelief shakes me more than I can handle. I knew telling her was a bad idea and even though she hasn't reacted badly, I can't do this. I can't sit here and let her fix me while my heart's beating out of my chest.

I drop the hem of my shirt and shake my head quickly, my nervous hands running down my face and through my hair – trying to shake this anxiety flowing through my veins. "F-Forget it. Let's just… c-can we just go get dinner?"

Danny stops me when I try to move from the bed and I drop my head into my hand, shaking all over from the nerves exploding through me. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to have Tatiana finally know the truth. Because I know when this is done – whether she patches me up or not, she'll want to know. She'll ask and the truth will come spilling from me as easily as it always does when I want someone else to fix my problems for me. Like now. Like always.

"I'll… get my medical kit," Tatiana says, exhaling out a breath before she shrugs her jacket off and ditches it on the bed beside me. She gives me final glance when I look up at her before she slips out of the door and clicks it shut behind her.

I falter. I lose my sanity for a second after the door closes. But Danny puts his arm around my shoulders when the breath I drag in betrays how scared I am. How much all of this is fucking terrifying me. And Danny takes it in and he reacts like he always does, with a sense of calm to his every movement that has my own heart begging to beat in time with his. Because he's calm and I'm anything but.

"It's going to be okay," he promises, gently guiding my head to rest on his shoulder. He pulls me closer to him and runs his hand through my hair, whispering that I'm okay. That I've got this. That I'm gonna be alright. I'm not alright, Danny. Not even a little.

He barely reacts when I turn to him, burying my face against his neck, but his shuttered breath doesn't escape my attention. I know I'm scaring him but there's little I can do to stop it. To drag myself away from the edge of panic that's starting to claw at me.

"I-I'm scared," I whisper and Danny nods, running his hand down my back. I want to stay in his arms and match my breathing to his until I'm calm again. Until this insanity pricking at my skin leaves me the hell alone. But I'm drowning and Danny doesn't deserve to have to be my rock any longer.

Danny tries to hold my gaze when I pull away from him but I won't look at him. I won't run from this. I'm nervous. Terrified. But I can't walk away from this now. Tatiana is about to know my darkest secret and I can only hope that she doesn't turn the other way.

A soft knock sounds at the door and Danny reluctantly leaves my side. He quietly walks over to the door and draws in a deep breath as he opens the door. Tatiana's waiting outside, her medical kit in hand, and she seems to steel herself before she steps inside. Before she makes her way over to me.

"Show me the wound again," she instructs and I comply with shaky movements and even shakier sanity.

Tatiana kneels on the floor in front of me and begins swabbing at the area with some kind of cleaner. I try to keep silent and she tries so hard to be gentle but I wince and her movements still. She looks up at me and I can't look away from her.

I hold her gaze even when my bottom lip trembles and even when she puts her hand on my face. Even when tears gather in my eyes and threaten to spill over. I hold her stare when I can't hold back a sniffle and when she whispers that I'm okay. That I'm strong.

Somewhere during our staring contest, Danny slipped from the room and I don't know if he's coming back or not. And I think he's doing it to give me privacy and I wish I didn't need it. I wish I wasn't about to break the fuck apart because of this. Because of dad again.

"Miel, querido, what happened?" Tatiana asks softly, her hands cupping my face now, and the tears gathered in my eyes spill over. She brushes them away with her thumbs and whispers softly, attempting to console me.

There's no consoling this. There's no sugarcoating it. Dad beat me. Beats me. And everyone in my life is slowly learning about it and I'm scared. There's no going back from this. From admitting the harsh truths of what's been happening to me. Tatiana is kind – always has been and always will be. But I'm scared that this'll be too much.

"I-I… m-my dad… h-he can… sometimes he can… h-he was angry with me," I whisper and no sooner have the words left my mouth than Tatiana has me gathered up in her arms. She's talking softly, rocking me back and forth and I don't know how to do this without breaking apart. Without clinging to her like my life depends on it.

I'm not sobbing like I was when I told Alex. I don't let out more than a few tears and sniffles but I still feel pathetic for reacting this way. For letting dad fuck me up like this again. And even though I try to hate myself for it, Tatiana holds me gently and she never stops telling me that it's okay. That this isn't my fault. And for a moment, I let myself believe her.


Danny's leaning against the wall when Tatiana and I leave his room. He looks up from his phone when we step out and after glancing between us quickly, he pushes away from the wall and puts his phone away.

"Everything okay?" he asks softly but his eyes beg a different question. Does she know now?

I nod to both questions and Tatiana follows me into my room, waiting with me while I take my painkillers and get a hoodie if only to avoid Alex's question. She squeezes my hand and whispers again that I'm okay and then we're back out in the hall with Danny.

Tatiana urges the two of us to the elevator, saying something about her kids going crazy without food. We follow her to the elevator, walking behind her, and Danny shoots me a look that I know is worried. I want to take his hand in mine and tell him that I'm okay but I don't have that kind of bravery in my soul right now. Not with Tatiana in front of us.

When the three of us get back to the car, Anastasia rolls her window down just to stick out her middle finger. Danny laughs out loud but Tatiana immediately starts scolding her – half of her lecture in English, the other half in Spanish.

Danny gets in the car first, sitting next to Valerie this time, and I tuck myself away on one side of the car. As soon as I'm buckled in, I turn my gaze out the window, and I try to stop thinking. To stop letting my mind go over how gentle Tatiana was with me after I admitted the truth. How her every touch felt careful now that she knew the truth.

She looked at me differently after I told her the truth. She looked at me like she had to be careful with me now. Like there was a new side to me that she'd never seen before. And I want to tell her that I'm still the same person I've always been but I don't think it'll make a difference. I think she's gonna see me as different from now on.

Alex and Tatiana keep up a steady chatter in the front seat and every now and then, Anastasia or Valerie will chime in, but Danny and I stay silent. I try to laugh at the jokes that are made or follow along with the conversation but it's too easy for me to drift off into my own head again and again.

Every now and then, the car will make a sharper turn than I anticipate and Danny ends up leaning against me. If my head wasn't so fogged up, I'd probably react more. I'd give him a smile and he'd laugh and- And then what? Why would he ever want me?

No one in the car knows where they want to go for dinner and when Alex asks me where I'd like to go, I tell him I don't care. I'm good with whatever everyone else wants. And part of it's true but the main thing is, I don't want to have to decide anything. I just made a huge decision and a leap of faith by telling Tatiana the truth. And I'm still trying to figure out if I made the right call.

Anastasia and Valerie are debating something to do with a television show and everyone's distracted when Danny subtly takes my hand in his own. He meets my gaze instantly when I drag my stare away from the window, and his brows draw down in concern.

"I wish I could help you," he mouths, blinking up at me. His bottom lip disappears between his teeth and though it instantly draws my gaze to his lips, it doesn't change the general fuzziness that's hanging over me.

My heart feels surprisingly calm given the fact that Danny's holding my hand. I even get brave enough to thread our fingers together before I let out a breath.

"It's okay," I manage to whisper, keeping his stare as I shrug.

Danny squeezes my hand in his and I want to force a smile on my face for his benefit but he'd see through it in an instant. And even if he didn't, I don't want to be fake with Danny. "I know it doesn't feel like it but it'll get better, okay? I promise," he whispers, bringing our intertwined hands up to his mouth. He delicately places a kiss in between each of my knuckles and the feeling of his lips against my skin is like a momentary puncture to the fog that's been wrapped around me since we went back into the hotel.

He's staring up at me, holding my hand, gently kissing my fucking knuckles and I'm… not thinking about the shit in my life anymore. I don't think he realizes what he's doing to me and I can't do anything to stop him. I watch his lips press against my skin and I do everything within my power to memorize the feeling.

I'm grateful for the darkness of the car as I hold his gaze cause I'm sure my face is a nice shade of 'did-you-just-fucking-kiss-me?'. God, Danny, why can't you actually kiss me?

The car shutters to a stop and Tatiana announces that we're eating here since no one can make a decision, effectively ending the moment between Danny and I. He hesitantly lets go of my hand and I miss the warmth of his instantly. His gaze lingers on me and I have to actually force myself to look away from him, trying to clear some of the incredibly gay undertones to what the hell just happened.

I flick my gaze up front, mainly to see what restaurant Tatiana picked, but something else catches my eye. Alex is staring into the rearview mirror and he meets my gaze in a second. His eyebrows are high on his forehead and I know my face floods with heat. Fuck, he probably saw the entire exchange with Danny. Probably saw the kisses Danny gave me and- Shit, part of me hopes he saw it. Cause I need someone other than Valerie and Kwan to know that Danny's the only one I want those kisses from. I need someone else to know that when things are fucked up, Danny brings me back.


The restaurant is busy when we step inside and the sudden noise picks at me. It leaves me raw and on edge. And I don't know how to soothe my chapped skin when there's nothing actually wrong with me. It's just… so much has happened since the game ended. And in some ways, I wish I could take it all back.

Alex puts his hand on my back and I start a little at the contact. When I drag my stare up to his, I realize that everyone has already left the lobby. They've all been led back to the table and I'm still standing here, too lost in my own thoughts to make a move.

"You okay?" Alex asks softy, frowning despite my nod. I know he doesn't believe me and I know he's not an idiot. But my nerves are stretched too tightly and my sanity too fried to have a conversation about this. To let him know that I'm anything other than okay.

I nod toward the main area of the restaurant. "Yeah, I'm good. Just hungry."

Alex hesitates for a moment beside me before he exhales out a breath and gently pushes me forward. "Come on, then. Before Anastasia orders us the weirdest things she can find on the menu," he says, a hint of amusement to his tone – like she's done that to him before.

The waitress that takes our drink orders and passes out menus is nice. She's talkative and friendly and I wish I could get out more than two words to her but I barely manage to order a drink without my voice trembling. Both Alex and Valerie look at me when I stammer and I hate it. Tatiana catches my eye before I manage to look away and I hate that too. I hate everyone knowing that I'm fucked right now. That I'm not okay. My team just won the fucking championship game. I should be okay. I should be fine.

I drop my gaze down to the menu and I try to read over the options but nothing makes any sense and the words are jumbling up in front of me. I don't know if I even want to eat anymore. I don't feel hungry. I don't feel much of anything.

"What looks good to you?" Danny asks, leaning his shoulder against mine as he drops his menu on top of mine. He props his elbow up onto the table, resting his chin on his fist. "I like the idea of this," he says, using his index finger to tap a photo of some chicken gravy looking thing. "But there's also this stir-fry option too."

He barely glances at me before he flips a page in the menu. "Any idea what you want?"

I know he's trying to distract me and I'm trying really fucking hard to let him but everything's hard when I'm barely here in this moment. I want to be. I want to order food or think about the game and feel really fucking happy instead of this… fog. This shame. Because now everyone at this table knows the truth.

"Uhh…"

Danny looks at me suddenly, one corner of his mouth tucked upward. "If you default to a burger, I'll have to kick your ass, you know that, right?" He's grinning as he asks the question and the sight on him makes a fraction of the tension ease from my shoulders.

I respond with a smirk that doesn't feel entirely forced, leaning my elbow onto the table to mirror his position. "Yeah? Just what are you gonna do if I order the best burger on this menu? How are you gonna kick a quarterback's ass?"

He gives me a grin, rolling his eyes. "What – just cause you're stronger automatically means you'll win?" he asks, tsking softly when I respond with a grin. "That's the mistake you're making, Dash. I say 'kick your ass' and you assume I mean physically. I'll have you know that I can wipe the floor with you in any video game."

I snort, rolling my eyes as I cross my arms over my chest. "Yeah, right. I don't live under a rock, y'know? I probably play just as many video games as you do."

"Doubt it," he responds, leaning forward in his chair with a teasing sort of smile. "You forget… I spend ninety percent of my time at my house. I have plenty of time to master the lost art of kicking someone's ass in a video game."

Even though the smirk is still on my face and I feel like responding with a teasing jibe, my stare drifts down to the menu and that fog scratches at my brain again. Why can't I just let Danny's smile and his teasing take me far away from the shame coursing through my veins like my own blood? Why does everyone knowing my shit have to matter?

"Kwan texted me earlier, by the way," Danny says, leaning his shoulder against mine as he flips a page in the menu. I turn toward him a little, trying to listen to what he's saying despite this anxiety or fog – or whatever –scratching at me. He frowns, chewing on his lower lip. "I kinda like the idea of the Shepherd's pie but I don't know. My dad makes great Shepherd's pie so… I've been spoiled by his."

I scratch at the stubble on the underside of my chin, my fingers catching and tripping over a few stubborn patches I must've missed when I shaved yesterday. After a few seconds of silence, I push out a breath and his words click in my brain. "What'd… Kwan text you for?"

Danny frowns as he flips the menu again, back to the first page, and exhales out before he looks at me. He hesitates a second before leaning his elbow on the table again. "He's worried about you."

I look away from him at that, trying to focus on keeping myself from just leaning forward and falling asleep on the table. Cause I'm exhausted from the game and I'm in pain and I'm so tired of having to hold myself up like this. Like I'm okay. Like I'm not about to fucking break from the weight of everyone knowing.

"There's a party in Dale's room later… Kwan wanted to make sure that I drag you there," Danny says, a certain insistent tone to his voice. "I hope you know that I plan on seeing that through s-so… that's your only warning."

He looks away from me, focusing on the menu again and I manage to push back against the weight for just a moment. And in that moment, I feel some of that bravery from earlier eek out again. I stare at him, not giving a shit that he can probably tell I'm watching him. Memorizing the way his fingers trail down the list of items on the menu, or the way his brows draw down as he reads.

"Do I even have a choice?" I ask and he shakes his head before looking back at me.

Danny gives me a smile. "Sorry, but no. You're gonna eat something, too. Drinking on an empty stomach's a really bad idea so… pick something," he instructs, shoving the menu toward me. "Or I'll pick for you."

A shiver runs down my spine at the challenging tone to his voice and this time, I don't have to force the smile tugging at my lips. I drop my gaze to the menu but my mind isn't on the options. Okay, Fenton. At this point, I'd follow you anywhere.


The ride back to the hotel isn't nearly as quiet as the ride over to the restaurant and I think my painkillers have finally kicked in. This time, I'm able to join in with the conversation Alex and Anastasia are having but I'm also incredibly aware of how close Danny and I are sitting now. It felt like there was more distance between us on the ride over here but I think I didn't notice earlier because of the pain. And the fact that I couldn't drag myself out of my head for more than a fucking second.

There's mention of sight-seeing for a while but we end up back at the hotel instead. And as soon as we're in the lobby, Danny excuses the two of us from the others. He grabs my wrist to tug me behind him to the elevator and I follow after him with a stumble in my footing. The butterflies are back in my gut with every touch Danny gives me and I don't know if I'd rather have whatever the hell was clawing at me back in the restaurant instead.

"You feeling any better?" Danny asks once we're safely inside the elevator.

I let out a quiet breath, leaning back against the wall. I turn my stare to the ceiling, chewing on the inside of my cheek as I think it over. I don't know if I'll ever be able to tell someone the truth about dad without feeling my chest constrict and the breath catch in my throat. But for now, I'm okay. "Yeah, I think I am."

"Good." Danny nudges my shoulder with his own, giving me a smile when I turn to look at him. "If you don't want to stick around for a long time, you don't have to. But at least see Kwan cause he sounds really worried about you."

At this point, I think Kwan will always be worried about me. And he's got his own shit to deal with. It really isn't fair of me to pile mine on him too just cause of the same old shit. Dad fucks me up sometimes. Why do I have to make a big deal out of it?

"Yeah, I will," I mumble, running a hand down my face.

Danny leans against me, giving the butterflies a little nudge upward – sending them up to the back of my throat. "You know… it's okay if you want to talk about this. About your dad or however Tatiana reacted to it… I'm here for you. You know that, right?" he practically whispers.

My eyes fall closed and exhale out. It should really be easy to talk about this shit with Danny. Cause he knows all about my dad and he saw me at the hospital and he hasn't run away once. But fuck, it's Danny. And I don't know want him to spend the night worried about me. And I'm so fucking done with letting dad fuck with me again. He's taken so much from me in the past. I'm not letting him take tonight.

I open my eyes and flick my stare toward Danny with a smile, shaking my head. "Nah. Let's just go get really drunk with my teammates and hate ourselves in the morning for the hangover."

Danny beams at me, quickly nodding as the doors part. A couple people are waiting to get on the elevator and we skirt past them, headed for my teammates room. I can already hear the music thumping from outside the door and it lets me know just how crazy this party's gonna be before the night's up. And I relax into the thought that no one's gonna pay me any attention.

"You ready?" I ask, turning to glance at Danny. He eagerly nods and I rap my knuckles against the door, willing myself to give a mental middle finger to anything that tries to fuck with me right now. Tonight, my shit better leave me the fuck alone and let me enjoy celebrating with my teammates. And it better leave me alone as I spend time with a boy so perfect, I don't know how I still have the privilege to hang around him.


Dale's parents rented out one of the biggest rooms available in the hotel for him - as he loudly informs both Danny and I as soon as we walk in the door. He's got one arm slung around Mitch, his other hand clutched tightly around a beer.

Mitch's face is bright red as Dale leans over to plant a sloppy kiss on his cheek and he hurriedly tries to explain to Danny and me that Dale's way too drunk to know what he's doing. I guess the expression on my face shows off just how shocked I am cause Danny nudges me, giving me a look when I tear my gaze away from my teammates.

"-been drinking since the game ended. Y-You can't really trust anything he's saying, he's just-"

Dale cuts Mitch off by covering his mouth with one hand. He's swaying in place and clearly drunk off his ass but that doesn't stop him. He slides his arm from around Mitch and turns back to the party, cupping one hand around his mouth to amplify his sound.

"We just won the fucking championship game!" he yells at the top of his lungs and everyone in the room cheers back, thrusting their hands into the air – alcohol sloshing from raised beer cans and red solo cups.

The sound and the sight of my teammates cheering obnoxiously raises goosebumps on my skin and a stuttering laugh leaves me. We really did it. Casper High actually won the trophy this year. The feeling that swells inside my chest every time I think about it is dizzying. Like I've taken a hit off life and I never want to come down from this high.

In the midst of all the cheering, Dale yells out over everyone, his voice ringing through the room.

"And if anyone's got a problem with me kissing my boyfriend, you can fucking fight me! Cause I'm a champion tonight!" he roars, pumping his beer can into the air, the liquid inside sloshing down his arm and falling to the carpet.

He turns his back to the crowd that's still cheering and drags Mitch into a kiss that I'm pretty sure shocks me more than it should. I don't think I expected this. I've known Kwan's gay – I've always known that. But my other teammates? I never thought any of them looked at guys the way I do. Or… at least, the way I look at Danny.

Mitch relaxes into the kiss just a little before he pulls away, pushing Dale backward, toward the party. His hands ball into fists at his sides and he stumbles back a pace. "Dale… you're drunk," he whispers, shaking his head before he turns for the door.

Danny casts a glance my way before he turns for my teammate, calling his name before he can get to the door. I turn to watch the two of them for a moment, until Danny drags Mitch further away from the crowd. Everyone here is probably too drunk to realize what the hell just happened cause the music keeps pumping throughout the room and everyone keeps cheering and dancing – or more accurately, stumbling – along to the music. They're all oblivious to what happened and even Dale manages to slip into the crowd, his mind clearly too fogged with alcohol to think about going after Mitch.

I glance over my shoulder where Mitch and Danny are but I don't see a point in going over to them. Danny's been out since sophomore year so it makes sense for him to be the one to talk about this with Mitch. I don't think he'd want any advice from me. Someone so fucking deep in the closet, I think I nailed the door shut.


By ten-thirty, almost everyone in the room is raging drunk and though I sipped at a beer when I first got here, I find myself ditching it for a Dr. Pepper about an hour later. I want to take part in this kind of party – the one where we celebrate like the fucking champions we are – but I think I want to remember what this night feels like more.

I wander through the room, watching everyone dancing and partying, and I try not to let the feelings from earlier seep back in. I need to do something with my hands so I text Valerie to invite her to the party. But she turns down the offer, saying that she doesn't want to drive home with a hangover, and I can't help but feel a little more alone.

Across the room, I can see Kwan standing with Jeff, both grinning and talking animatedly. I smile when I see them and I give a little wave in Kwan's direction when he takes notice of me. For a second, he looks like he wants to abandon Jeff to check on me but I shoot him a thumbs up and move away before he can come to me.

I glance around the party again, wondering if I should call it a night and head back to my room, when my phone vibrates softly in my pocket. I spare a final look where Danny's sitting with Mitch and I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding. Mitch is laughing at whatever they're talking about and Danny's gesturing wildly with one hand, a wicked grin on his face as he talks.

Danny looks comfortable sitting with my teammate and it's nice to see him interacting with someone other than me or Kwan. I remember when his sister asked me to make sure to drag him out of the house more often and I intend to keep that promise. And it's really fucking easy to when he's smiling the way he is.

Paulina looks up when I pass by one of the kegs sitting on a table near the doors to the balcony. She gives me a smile but she seems to understand that I'm comfortable by myself right now cause she doesn't follow after me when I step out onto the balcony, pushing the doors closed behind me.

Even though I can still hear the general pumping of the music, it gives way to the noise of the traffic below me and I take it in with a big inhale of oxygen. God, you don't hear the world like this in Amity Park. Everything's way too quiet there.

I stumble over to the railing, leaning my elbows on it as I nurse the last of my Dr. Pepper. I feel every crack of my upper back as I stretch my arms over my head, staring down at the city below me. Who knew Livermore could actually be this interesting?

The fog or nerves or whatever that was settled over me earlier is long gone now and I find myself smiling at the cars zipping past on the road below. Everyone's got a place to be and I'm just another person in the city tonight. Right now, I'm not the fucked-up quarterback from Amity Park, or the kid whose dad beats the shit out of him. I'm not even the kid that was abandoned by his own mom. I'm just another person in the city and that single thought is more freeing than any comfort anyone's tried to give me before.


I don't know how long I watch the city in silence, leaning against the railing, but the chill has reached me at this point. I've been distracted, texting Valerie off and on for a while, and I only realize I'm shivering when the door opens behind me and I get a blast of warm air.

Kwan shuffles out onto the balcony, pushing the door closed behind him and offers up a smile. His movements get less hesitant when I return the expression and he crosses over to me.

"Hey, missed you inside," he says, folding his arms on top of the railing and staring down at the city too. There's a quiet sort of peace between us and I let my gaze drift over the traffic again. He leans his shoulder against mine and gives me a look. "Dash, you're freezing." His look quickly turns concerned when I only respond with a shrug. "How long have you been out here?"

"Don't know. Lost track of time, really." I lean my forearms against the railing, letting out a breath that I realize hangs in the air. I guess it's a lot colder out here than I thought. When I stepped outside, I was still so warm from the party, I barely noticed the chill of the night.

Kwan pushes out a breath. "Maybe we should go back inside…? You could really use the warmth," he says, that concern still etched into his features.

"Nah," I respond, willing my teeth not to chatter as I close my eyes to the wind. It's nice out here. I don't really want to go back inside and face my drunk, idiot teammates. And for once, I don't want to be one of those drunk idiots. I'm just basking in the knowledge that we did it. Our team won a fucking championshipgame.

Kwan drags in a breath when I turn to look at him and from the way he's chewing on his bottom lip, I know he's wondering if I'm bullshitting being okay. I'm really not this time. Everything feels a million times better than it usually does. Maybe that has to do with how much time I've spent with Danny today and maybe it's because things just feel better tonight. I'll take it either way – cause this feels so much better than lying on my bed and wishing that I wasn't hurting.

"I saw Alex and his family at the game. Valerie too," Kwan says, offering up a hesitant smile when I glance at him. "It was cool of them to come support you."

That's the unspoken, 'since your parents suck and won't come see you play.' Which is kind of true. But I didn't even invite them cause I think part of me didn't want either of them here. Mom with her half-truths and dad with his bruises… they can both fuck off for the night.

"Yeah, it was," I say, stretching my arms over my head with a yawn. I don't know what time it is but I think I'm just about ready to go back to our room and pass the fuck out. But seeing the look on Kwan's face makes me hesitate on mentioning it. "What is it?"

Kwan meets my gaze for a second before he returns to chewing on his lip, shaking his head. He looks out toward the city again, letting out a breath that hangs in the air. "Um…" He rubs the back of his neck, stealing a glance my way. "I-I'm sorry… Valerie… kind of knows about your mom."

He blanches at the look on my face. "S-Sorry, I didn't mean to say anything. I just started talking to her about stuff and then we got onto the topic of you and I said a few things I didn't mean to and then she wanted context and I tried to tell her that it'd be better coming from you but you know how she is sometimes. And I tried to tell her no but she-"

"It's fine," I respond, leaning over to gently punch him on the shoulder. "Relax, okay? You look like you think I'm about to throw you over the balcony or something." I roll my eyes when the look on his face only becomes mildly less concerned. "Relax. She already told me that she knows."

Kwan lets out a soft breath, looking away from me. I grab his wrist and give him a little tug before I settle down next to the railing. "Come here, we should probably talk about all this shit."

He hesitates only a second longer before he follows me, choosing to hug his knees close to his chest as we both stare out at what we can still see of the city. Even without standing up to get the full picture, the city is beautiful. So much more alive than Amity Park.

"I really am… sorry," Kwan says, burying his face in his arms. "I know this isn't easy for you to talk about and I really didn't mean to tell Valerie. It just kinda slipped out."

I shrug, flicking my gaze from the city to watch my best friend. He has no idea what I did today. He doesn't know that I took a blind leap of faith and told Tatiana what's been happing to me. And the thought of her knowing fuels something in my bones akin to courage and I desperately feed off of it for this moment. "It's cool, seriously. Honestly, it's about time more people know about this shit."

Kwan gives me a funny look when he glances my way and he gently nudges my shoulder with his. "Who are you and what have you done with Dash?"

I laugh at that – I really laugh. Cause it's funny. Cause it's true. I don't tell anyone when shit's bad cause I don't know how. I don't know when the right moment to reach out is and I've gotten so used to bottling everything up that I don't know how to stop it. But sooner rather than later, everyone will know about my shit. And I'm just gonna have to find a way to deal with that.

"I don't know man, I just get tired of lying about all of this." I shrug when Kwan raises an eyebrow and though it makes my stomach clench, my hands shake, I say it. "I kinda… told Tatiana tonight. About dad."

Kwan's eyebrows slowly rise higher and he shakes his head without making a sound. I nod in response, not entirely sure what to say. I don't know if there's anything to say. It's been a crazy few hours since the game ended but I don't think I regret any of it now. I no longer want to take back the moment when I finally spilled the truth to Tatiana. I don't regret letting her into my world this way because it's a good thing. I want her to know the truth so that she'll know me. I don't know how to tell Kwan everything in my heart but he's my best friend. And I want him to know about all of this.

I don't get a chance to tell Kwan what's running through my mind before the door opens behind us and someone slips outside.

We both turn to look as Keith steps out onto the balcony. He gives us both a surprised look, like he didn't expect anyone to be out here, before closing the door behind him. "Am I interrupting something?" he asks softly and I beat Kwan to the response.

"Nah, come join us," I say and he immediately smiles, crossing over to sit next to Kwan.

Keith settles down easily, letting out a breath. He rubs at his temples, a small laugh leaving him as he glances at us. "I think I drank too much. Some of what Blake said was starting to make sense."

"That's always a dangerous sign," I respond, leaning back on my hands and turning my face up to the sky. Fuck, despite it being so cold out here, I love it. I don't feel any of that lingering sadness or tension that's been clawing at me since the game ended. And I fucking love it. I feel alive.

Keith clears his throat and I turn my head just far enough to see him. He looks between me and Kwan before he settles on me, one eyebrow arching on his forehead. "You… feeling any better? Kwan was really worried about you."

I glance at Kwan, who's gone almost completely red in the face as he glares at Keith. "Hey, shut up! I told you not to mention it!"

Keith raises his hands in defense but a small smile is tugging at his expression. After a few seconds pass between them, Keith looks my way again, his expression shifting back into that concerned stare. "Seriously though… are you okay?"

I'm more than okay. I feel like I've chilled the fuck out since the game, the painkillers have kicked in, and what Coach told me is finally hitting me too. He honestly thinks I'm gonna have other offers from colleges. He thinks I'm good enough for all of these opportunities. And I can only hope that tonight, I proved to him how badly I want it.

"Yeah, I'm good," I respond, turning my stare to the sky again. I watch the stars twinkling overhead and wonder what Danny would say about them. Which constellations they are or how many billion light-years away they are.

The quiet atmosphere that's settled over my heart dares me to be a little more honest and I push out a breath, wondering if my expression looks as serene as I feel.

"I didn't get a chance to take any painkillers before the game. And my rib's still kinda fucked up," I brazenly admit, chancing a look at my teammates before I shrug. "I'm good now, I promise."

Keith's mouth is hanging open and he quickly snaps it shut. "Dash, what the hell were you thinking?" he asks, his voice barely more than a whisper but I can hear the concern in his tone. "You should have told us before the game."

"What would you have done?" I ask, leaning back on my hands again as a laugh tumbles from me. "There was no way I was missing out on this game, Keith. Not with how hard we've all fought for it."

Keith starts to argue but Kwan nudges him in the side and they share a look before Keith shuts up. He lets out a heavy sigh and looks away from me as Kwan glances my way.

He nudges me gently with his shoulder, frowning a little. "You probably should have told someone," he says softly and I shrug. It doesn't matter now. I'm okay. There's a little bit of lingering pain in my rib but overall, I'm okay. I'm more than okay.

"Probably," is what I say in response, despite the way my head is filled up with everything else I could talk about. The scholarship opportunities. How seeing Alex and his family after the game made the pain easier to deal with. About opening up to Tatiana.

Keith clears his throat quietly and he hesitates a second before meeting my gaze. "Was that… all that was bothering you after the game?" He nods toward the party still going on behind us. "You seemed out of it in there."

I lean forward just a little, using one hand to support myself and rub the back of my neck with my other hand. "Yeah, I'm good," I mumble, wondering how much bravery is still left in my soul at this point. When I steal a glance at Keith, the words tumble from me anyway. "I think… I think I have some kind of… anxiety? A-At least, that's what Danny thinks anyway."

I haven't really given this whole thing more than few passing thoughts since Danny mentioned it but at this point, with the way he describes it and the way that I feel, I'd be surprised if that's not what's been fucking with me since I was a kid. Unless of course, I'm just making a big fucking deal out of nothing.

Kwan lets out a soft breath, turning toward me, but it's Keith who speaks first.

"I struggle with anxiety occasionally," he softly admits, offering up a shrug when we both turn to look at him. He averts his gaze after a few seconds, scratching at the underside of his chin. "It… started after Lily got sick. I just… kept having panic attacks at school, wondering if she'd still be alive when I got home."

A second of hesitation passes before Kwan curls an arm around Keith's shoulders. Our teammate looks surprised at the touch but he practically melts into it, letting out a heavy breath and leaning against Kwan just a little.

"She's getting bad again and the doctors are trying everything they can but she needs a new set of lungs and-" He breaks off mid-sentence to swipe at his eyes, heaving out a breath. "Sorry, this isn't about me. I just meant… a-anxiety happens, Dash. It's not your fault." He turns to look at me, offering up a smile that seems almost broken from the lines around his eyes and the way that Kwan's still got an arm curled protectively around his shoulders.

I nod, turning my gaze to the sky again, fidgeting with the words inside of myself. I don't know what to say but I don't want him to think there's anything wrong with dragging his own shit into the light. The things he faces are worse than what I do and I can't fault him for wanting to talk about it with someone. "You don't have to apologize, though. If you want to talk about Lily, we're listening."

Kwan nudges Keith gently after a minute of silence passes between the three of us but he pulls away from Kwan's touch, letting out a low breath as he runs a hand down his face. A loud sniffle breaks up the pretense that he's doing okay but he somehow manages to tuck that pain back inside.

"No, I don't want to. Not tonight." He gives the both of us a smile that feels more genuine than forced and I know Kwan matches the expression the same way I do.

The door opens behind us again and the three of us turn to look this time. Danny pauses the way Keith did, hovering halfway between stepping outside and retreating back inside. For a second, he just looks between the three of us before he steps out fully, pulling the door shut behind him.

"Hey," he says softly, a blanket thrown across one arm and a Dr. Pepper in his other hand. He shuffles closer to me when Kwan scoots over and offers up the blanket. "I thought you might be cold." He drapes it around my shoulders and I don't miss the goo-goo eyes that Kwan shoots my way.

I mumble my thanks and Kwan pipes up, offering for him to join us. Danny settles down next to me and hands me the can of soda. Which only makes Kwan give me another look. Yeah, he knows my favorite drink, so what? It doesn't mean anything.

Now that Danny's sitting next to me, his warm arm against my cold one - even through the blanket – that daring, bravery from earlier feels like it has crawled out of my ass and jumped over the edge of the balcony. I can't be brave next to Danny. At least, not while I'm thinking about kissing him.

"So," Danny says softly, drawing his knees up to his chest with a heavy sigh. He keeps his gaze on the city as he chews on his bottom lip, driving me absolutely fucking nuts. "What's the topic of conversation? Anything interesting?"

He glances toward Kwan at the question and Kwan shrugs, the look on his face clearly a badly controlled giddiness. I swear to fuck, if he embarrasses me, I'll have to skin him.

"We were just… talking," I mumble, shrugging when Danny looks at me. I can never focus when he's watching me. When his gaze is taking in my every movement, I tend to freeze. Cause I'm so fucking terrified that a simple exhale will tell him everything. That it'll let him know how badly I want him.

Danny leans back on his hands, staring up at the sky over head. He recognizes one of the constellations, I can tell from the excited look on his face, and a peaceful expression stays on his face as he lets out a breath.

He turns to me, maybe to say something about the stars overhead, but he's interrupted by an obnoxious ringtone. For a split second, I think it's his mom calling him again and I instinctively tense, hating the idea of her fucking with his mood again. But it's Kwan who's digging his phone from his pocket and he frowns at the screen as soon as he sees it.

"Shit," he mumbles, silencing the call but not making a move to put the phone away or ignore the call. His throat moves as he swallows hard and with a shaky breath, he looks at me. "That's… Jared's number."

The name doesn't click at first but when it does, my whole body tenses up and Danny notices. He watches me in silence and I watch Kwan, hesitating a second before I hold my hand out for his phone.

"Let me answer," I say, continuing even when Kwan shakes his head. "Trust me, he'll never bother you again if I'm the one who answers."

Kwan runs his hand down his face, a quiet "fuck" tumbling from him in the silence. He won't look at any of us and I let my hand drop into my lap again. God, why does Jared have to be such an asshole and fuck with him tonight? Of all the nights he could be calling him, why does it have to be this one?

"He was supposed to come today," Kwan mumbles, still refusing to look at me as he shakes his head again. "We talked about it before… everything. He… said he wanted to go. He was excited to see me play."

Danny spares me a glance, and I can only imagine what my expression is, before he scoots closer to Kwan. They're both silent but Danny slides his hand into Kwan's and squeezes. The exhale Kwan lets out is shaky and betrays just how fucked he is right now.

"This isn't… the first time," Kwan mumbles.

Danny hesitates a second before he squeezes Kwan's hand again, leaning closer to him as he talks. "That he's called?" he asks, letting out a breath when Kwan nods. "Have you taken his call before tonight?"

Kwan nods, hanging his head just a little and Danny slides his arm around Kwan's shoulders, holding him gently. "It's okay, I know the feeling. It's hard to walk away from someone that used to be so important to you. Even if you know it's the right thing to do, it's still hard."

Danny hesitates a second before he glances my way and I can't help but feel like what he was saying is meant for me too. I might not have an ex I'm running from but from the look on his face, I'm guessing he's thinking of my dad. Which is completely un-fucking-fair.

Kwan's phone rings again and startles the two of us out of silence. I tear my gaze away from Danny just as my best friend lets out a noise that sounds like he's strangling. Like he's drowning right in front of me and there's nothing I can do.

"I hate this," Kwan's saying, his hand shaking as he passes his phone off to Danny. "Please, I-I can't."

Danny quickly takes the phone and hits ignore on the call, exhaling out before he takes Kwan's hand again. "Yes, you can. It's hard, Kwan. It's really, really hard. But you can do it. Because you know that he's not good for you," he says and when Kwan shakes his head again, Danny sighs. "Let me guess. He calls you when he's drunk, doesn't he?"

He only waits until Kwan nods and then he's talking again. "You're better than that. You know you're better than that. But you're afraid of walking away from this because you think it might get better. And I get that, I promise, I do. But you have to learn that every time you let him back in, you're just gonna have to kick him out again."

I fucking love the fact that Danny's here tonight. If it was just me with Kwan, I wouldn't be getting through to him like this. But I can see the minimal shifts in my best friend's expression and I know he's hearing Danny. I know that he's listening. Which is a hell of a lot better state than I'd be able to get him to.

"Kwan, I had to learn all of this too. It was hard for me to leave my ex behind. To stop accepting his phone calls, to ignore him when I saw him at clubs we used to go to together. But it was the right thing to do. Because he wasn't right for me and even though it sucked – even though it hurt – I had to accept that it was the way things needed to be," Danny says, nudging his shoulder against Kwan's.

Even though everything Danny's saying is enough to draw a smile on my best friend's face – even though he's making Kwan feel better – I still feel the need to add something. He's my best friend, I should be able to say something to him and have it matter. Have it be as meaningful to him as Danny's words have been.

"Fuck him," is what comes out and I feel my face flush when everyone looks at me.

Danny smiles, shaking his head. "I'm pretty sure that's the last thing he needs to do."

Kwan laughs then, a real laugh that shakes his shoulders and makes his eyes squeeze closed. He laughs harder as he nods, opening his eyes again to look at me. "Danny's right. Fucking Jared is the last thing I need to do. It would kind of blow a hole right through his pep talk," he says, shifting his gaze to Danny's with a soft smile on his face. "Thanks for saying all of that. I appreciate it."

Danny beams and he nudges Kwan's shoulder with his own. "Don't mention it. If someone had been through a break-up like mine and had given me any advice when I was going through it, it would have really helped me out. So… I figure I owe it to myself to help someone else instead."

Keith starts to say something, a grin on his face as he talks, but Kwan's phone rings again and a silence descends between all of us. For a few seconds, no one moves – no one breathes in the quiet. But Danny disturbs it when he lets out a breath and he holds out the phone to Kwan. "You can do this," he quietly urges and Kwan nods, swallowing hard.

There's a few seconds of the obnoxious ringing before Kwan hits ignore on the call and lets out a heavy breath. He switches off the ringer and sets his phone face down on the floor of the balcony. He groans softly and drops his head into his hands.

"This sucks," he mumbles.

Danny acknowledges it with a quiet nod, patting him on the back as he scoots a little closer to him. "Yeah, it does. But it won't always." He chews on his bottom lip for a second before he lets out a quiet breath. "Want a piece of advice?"

Kwan lifts his head from his hands and weakly nods.

"Don't try to jump into another relationship. Take my approach if you want to – I'm not going to date again until college. And even then, I'll only go out with someone if he's really interesting. I'm not planning on dating just to date for a long time."

Kwan's eyebrows rise on his forehead and he looks past Danny, to see me. I can only imagine what my expression is. Danny's not dating again until college? No, Danny, you're not supposed to give up on dating yet. I haven't had the chance to tell you that I really fucking like you.

"Yeah?" Kwan asks, his voice quiet on the question.

Danny nods, his eyes falling closed. He drops his arm from Kwan and leans back on his hands, his face still upturned toward the sky and I wonder what's running through his mind. It sounds like he's had a rocky history with his ex, so on some level, I get it. And I know Amity Park's a dead town but god, I'm in Amity Park and so is he and if I could just find the words, we could make this work.

"I'm just… done trying to make things work right now," he explains with a shrug, unknowingly driving the stake further in my open wound. He blinks his eyes open, staring up at the constellations above us again. "I don't know. I think I'm gonna try to focus on finishing high school before dating becomes part of the equation again."

Kwan tries to continue looking concerned but he's taken on a curious expression. "And you think I should take that approach with you? What, so we can have each other as some sort of dating sponsor when we wanna go crawling back to our exes?"

Danny laughs, shaking his head as he glances at Kwan. "No, that's not what I meant. You don't even have to do this if you're not interested. I was just saying, it might be helpful." He flicks his gaze to the sky again and exhales out. "Truth is, I don't know if I'm even doing this. I haven't officially decided yet but… ugh. Dating's really hard already but when you add being gay into the mix? It's horrible. The dating pool gets so much smaller and you have to deal with homophobic assholes and it's just not worth it, y'know? Honestly, I'm just hoping to get through my senior year alive."

He lets out a short humorless laugh and Kwan gives a quiet 'huh' in the silence.

Kwan seems to consider his logic for a few seconds before he leans back on his hands, staring up at the same sky Danny's fixated on. It falls silent between the four of us and stays that way until Kwan breaks it with a few quiet words. "You know, you make a lot of sense, Danny. Maybe I will join you."

Danny turns back to him, nodding earnestly and I feel a tiny knife wedging its way between my ribcages and piercing through my heart. If Danny's done dating until he's in college, my chance is almost completely gone. The odds of the two of us winding up at the same college isn't likely. And I'm not the kind of person he'd break this pact for.

That calm peace I had earlier is completely shattered now and I look away from Danny, wishing that he'd brought me alcohol instead of this Dr. Pepper.

"It's just been on my mind more and more lately. And it's like… it's hard, y'know? I have college stuff to worry about and my parents to deal with and… adding someone else into the mix is just asking for a headache and a lot of drama. Not to mention, it wouldn't be fair of me to bring someone else into my world right now," Danny says, pushing out a breath.

Fuck, drag me into your world, Danny. Take me, please, I'm yours. You can tell me all about your family and the things you're facing and I'll be there. I promise I'll be there. Fuck, Danny, please let me be there for you.

Before I have the chance to wrestle my splintered heart back into some kind of remotely okay state, Keith speaks. I wanted to be the one to ask Danny what exactly drove him to this point but Keith beats me to it.

"So you're just gonna give up until college? What if… the person that you're supposed to be with shows up before then? Are you just gonna turn him away cause you've made a promise with yourself?" Keith asks and I don't think I'm the only one surprised by the insistence in his tone. Oh, Keith, please don't tell me you're my competition. I like you a lot and you're one hell of a teammate but I will fight you for Danny.

Danny shrugs, sitting forward to drop his hands into his lap. "The odds of me finding any kind of 'soulmate' is pretty slim. Especially in our town," he says, exhaling out. "But if by some chance, I meet someone in these next few months that I want to date and see where it goes, I guess I'll just have to decide then. But more likely than not, I'll still wait until I'm in college."

Keith's face reddens and he puffs out a breath, shaking his head as he looks away from Danny. He seems to consider Danny's words for a few seconds before he looks back at him. "Okay, that's fine. But don't you think you're closing yourself off a little early? I mean, what difference does a few months make?"

"Exactly," Danny responds, oblivious to Keith's growing irritation. "If I find someone I'm absolutely meant to be with, he'll still be there when I'm in college."

Kwan's not oblivious to our teammates plunging mood, and he nods to Danny, interjecting his own thoughts before Keith can explode. "Yeah, I get what you're saying. Honestly, it sounds kind of smart. And I… think I might actually give it a try. After everything that happened with Jared, I don't really want to get involved with anyone before I go away to college, either."

Danny nods sympathetically. "Yeah. Cause then you'd end up at a different college from him and you'd try to make long distance work but it so rarely does and it's just not worth it." Danny notices the glare he's getting from Keith and he delicately arches an eyebrow in question. "What?"

Keith chews on his thumbnail, frustration clear in his expression. "I'm just saying. If the guy you're supposed to be with were to suddenly show up in your life, wanting to date you, you'd send him away just cause you're not in college?"

Danny shrugs. "I don't know. Guess it'd depend on the guy to be honest." He turns his gaze to the sky again and Keith seems to give up. He looks almost like he's sulking, and I pray to any deity that's listening that he's not interested in Danny. Cause if he is, I don't know what the fuck I'd do. He's probably way better of a match for him. I imagine he'd listen to Danny talk about constellations and actually understand what he means. Meanwhile, I'm just a fucked-up quarterback that panics when I have to tell someone the truth about my dad.

Silence settles over our group and I really wish the soda I'm draining was alcohol instead. I could use something strong to make me forget that my chance with Danny is slowly slipping away from me and I can't stop myself from wanting to touch him and kiss him and fucking be with him.

"I've… had a really bad history with dating," Danny says, his voice soft as he speaks. He keeps his stare forward, his posture rigid as he speaks, but he continues. "My ex was one of the first guys I was ever serious with and… he kinda… fucked me up."

Danny shifts awkwardly, a stuttering breath leaving him, but the silence stays intact. None of us try to interrupt him, and maybe the other two are staying silent out of respect. I'm just afraid that if the slightest thing happens, he'll stop talking and never bring this up again.

"It started out innocent enough, y'know? We met through a dating app… and went out a couple times. Discovered we were both in our sophomore years a-and kinda just… exploring our sexualities… And in the beginning everything was fine. It was all good. We had fights, you know, but they were like any other couple until… it got worse," he's whispering now and I know I'm not the only one that can see the way the skin around his eyes has started to tighten. "H-He-"

He practically chokes on the words he wants to say and he leans forward, dropping his head into his hands with a quiet sniffle. Fuck, Danny. You're gonna kill me.

I claw up some shred of bravery from inside my soul as I lean forward too, placing my hand on the small of his back. I rub tiny circles against his skin, entirely focused on Danny. As long as he can feel my touch, he'll be okay. He just needs something to keep him in the present and not back wherever the fuck his mind is going.

"He started getting angry with me more and more and his kind of anger a-always left marks," he whispers, unknowingly breaking my heart. Those bruises I saw at the beach… they weren't from him being phantom.

Danny drags in a breath that's painful to listen to but he manages to keep himself together enough to talk. "He was so good at fooling everyone. M-My family didn't realize what he was doing in the beginning or how badly he was f-fucking with me and I know it isn't their fault but I felt so alone during the whole fucked-up situation. And part of me feels like i-it was my fault too c-cause I could have ended things earlier than I did."

I swallow back every insult I want to throw out about whatever jackass dared to put their hands on Danny and though I have the words in my soul, I don't have the bravery to speak them out loud. It's not his fault. Abusers tend to isolate the people they want to go after. They want their victim to think they're alone. That no one understands them. So that they never reach out for help. It's not your fault, Danny. I know what it feels like.

Danny's quiet for a second or two as he runs a hand down his face but once the silence is over, he starts talking again and I don't think he ever plans to stop. And as long as this is helping him, I don't think I want him to stop.

"He'd get angry and no matter how many times I tried to apologize, h-he'd stay angry a-and-" he chokes, dragging in oxygen only to expel it out again with more broken words. "He used to leave marks where n-no one could see but then bruises started showing up on my arms and my face a-and my parents had to get involved a-and I-I just… can't… sometimes, I-I just can't and-"

Danny breaks off mid-sentence and pushes out a breath, looking like he's trying to hold himself together. I know the feeling. I know how much it can choke you, so I keep my hand on his lower back, trying to remind him that he's here with me and not back with whoever fucked him up to this point. Even though I want to pull him into my arms and whisper that I'll never let anyone hurt him, I can't find that bravery. It doesn't exist within my soul in this moment – if it ever even did.

He, however, draws on his own courage in the silence. He takes in a deep breath, sits up a little straighter, and somehow manages to mask that pain or piece himself back together or something.

"Yeah, s-so… you can probably see why I'm not gonna try dating again until college. Maybe even until after college," Danny says with a humorless laugh and I know I'm not the only one here that feels like it's painful to listen to. He's always been good at hiding what he really feels but I never would have thought he was capable of hiding something like this.

Keith clears his throat, running a hand through his hair when I glance his way. "I'm… really sorry, I didn't mean to… upset you," he mumbles and Danny immediately shakes his head.

"Don't worry about it. You didn't know," he says, pulling away from me just a little. He leans back on his hands again, closing his eyes to the nighttime sky. A breeze drifts by, ruffling his hair and making me fall for him even more. He smiles at the wind gently caressing his skin and I can't help but smile at him.

Silence eases its way back into the conversation and I stare out at the city again, my mind far from the peaceful serenity I had going on earlier. All I can focus on is the broken boy sitting next to me and wonder how long he's had to hide this. The ex that he mentioned to Kwan and I when Jared showed up at school… is that the same ex he's talking about now? What about the guy he met at the club? How does he fit into the picture? God, I wish I knew what to say in this silence instead of letting it rest between us like I always do.

Danny suddenly lets out a snort, quickly earning all of our attention as he shakes his head. He blinks his eyes open, keeping his gaze skyward. "We're like the opening to a bad joke." He waits a few seconds before he drops his gaze down and looks between us. "So two gay guys and two straight guys are hanging out together… you tell me how you think that sounds," he says with another snort.

Kwan laughs too, a grin easily replacing the hesitant expression he had when Danny was talking about his ex.

The silence only lasts a few seconds longer before Keith clears his throat. The three of us turn to look at him and he's awkwardly scratching the back of his head, his face red as he chews on his bottom lip. He lets out a soft breath before he glances at us with a shrug.

"M-Make that… three gay guys… hanging out together," he says, letting out a shaky breath.

Kwan's slower to react, awkwardly gaping at Keith in the silence, but it only takes Danny a second to shrug. "Alright, cool. Three gay guys and one straight guy. Still sounds like a bad joke to me," he says with a grin that slowly fades when he turns to look at me. "Sorry… if this is making you uncomfortable."

I suck in a breath that sounds ragged to my own ears and I hope it doesn't to anyone else's. I could easily say what Keith did and let them all know that I'm gay too. Maybe. A little? Fuck, I don't know what I am.

"N-No, it's… fine, this stuff doesn't bother me," I respond, forcing a shitty smile onto my face for Danny's benefit. Cause he doesn't deserve to have to deal with my shit again. He shouldn't have to help me figure this out. Even though, he's the reason I started fucking questioning in the first place.

Kwan gives me a sympathetic look, like he's urging me on to come out or talk to about this shit but I can't. I avert my gaze from my best friend and try to push these not-gay-sort-of-gay thoughts out of my mind and just enjoy the night. Cause my team won a championship game and the stars are out and the boy I've fucking fallen for is sitting next to me, reminding me that once in a while, life goes right.


I don't know how long the four of us talk but by the time we leave the balcony, the party is mostly over. Everyone has either passed out drunk on various pieces of furniture or left to hook up earlier on in the night. When I don't see Star or Jeff on my way out the door, I assume that's where they disappeared off to. Which doesn't exactly put the greatest mental pictures in my mind.

"It's like dawn of the dead in here," Kwan comments, grinning when Keith laughs.

Danny smiles too but his gaze sweeps the room and I think I know what he's doing even before he asks it. "Hey, any of you know what room Mitch is in?"

"Yeah, he's in my room," Keith says, stretching his arms over his head with a groan. "Why?"

Danny sinks his teeth into his bottom lip and shakes his head, a smile quickly easing into his expression. "No reason. Could you let him know which room I'm in? Just in case he wants to hang out tonight."

Keith gives him a funny look before the recognition clicks and he drops his gaze. "R-Right, of course," he mumbles.

There's a few seconds of awkward standing around before Kwan starts forward, beckoning us to follow after him. "Come on, we better go now before someone wakes up and we have to play good Sarmatian by carrying them back to their room."

Danny and I are quick to follow after Kwan, making jokes about the drunk idiots my teammates and friends have become, and I glance over my shoulder to get Keith's attention. But he's still standing there, frowning down at the carpet and I stop, hovering halfway between him and Danny.

"Hey, you coming?" I ask and Keith looks up at me.

He chews on his lip, nodding once before he follows after us, his gaze focused downward again. There's a tension between the four of us as we head out of Dale's room together and it follows us down the hall to the elevators.

Kwan hits the button to go down and we stand in awkward silence while we wait for it. Danny's tugged his phone from his pocket and is staring down at the screen but I can tell he's not actually looking at anything. He's just trying to avoid this awkward tension and silence. I'm right there with you, Danny.

"You think… everyone in there tonight was too drunk to remember it in the morning?" Keith asks into the silence and it only takes a split second for the three of us to understand what he's talking about. It's not the party he's wondering if they'll all remember. It's everything Dale said and did.

Danny pushes out a breath, leaning against the wall beside the elevator. "I don't know. Maybe."

I can't meet Keith's gaze when he looks my way. I'm not like Danny. I wouldn't be able to handle it if someone outed me. I'd just give up. I'd never go back to Casper High and I'd hide out from everyone. I don't want anyone to know this part of myself and seeing it tonight, with Mitch and Dale, it's starting to fuck with me more than I thought it would.

"Even if people remember it, he'll be okay. Because he's got people like us on his side already," Danny says, pushing away from the wall to put his hand on Keith's arm. He waits until my teammate looks up before he continues. "It's okay, Keith."

Something tells me that the relief I can see on Keith's face isn't just for Mitch – it's for himself too. For the fact that he literally just came out to the three of us and it doesn't mean a thing to us. It doesn't change anything about him to me and I know it's the same for Kwan and Danny too. Keith can talk about this stuff with us now because we get it. Fuck, I get it, Keith.

The elevator arrives on our floor and the four of us tuck ourselves inside. My arm is resting against Danny's and it causes that nervous tremor to bubble inside of myself. I chew on my fingernails and fidget with my phone – anything to keep the nerves at bay – and I actually breathe a sigh of relief when the elevator shudders to a stop.

"See you guys in the morning," Keith says, giving the three of us a tired smile once we're all off the elevator and crowded in the hall. He gives me a fist bump when I offer up my hand and I can see the hesitation on Kwan's face before he pulls Keith into a hug. There's a moment of surprise on Keith's face before he hugs Kwan back.

I only watch the two of them for a second before I'm focused on Danny.

He gives me a hesitant smile and without words passing between us, I answer his question and start walking him down the hall to his room. The skin on the back of my neck prickles just a little and I know that Kwan's staring at us now. I glance over my shoulder pointedly and of fucking course he just grins in response.

Danny takes his key from his back pocket and opens the door, leaving it open for me. I hesitate a second before I follow him inside and watch as he ditches the key onto the bedside table before I push the door closed behind us.

"Ugh. Don't know about you but I'm ready to crawl into bed and sleep the night away," he says, his exhaustion showing through in his smile. I think tonight wiped him out more than it did me and I have a feeling the conversation on the balcony is only part of it.

I shuffle a few steps closer, nodding to his sentiment as I awkwardly palm the back of my neck. "Y-Yeah, I'm kinda exhausted too," I respond. When I drop my hand to my side again, I feel the weight of his necklace hit my chest, hidden underneath my t-shirt.

"Here," I murmur, lifting the cord over my head and looping it around his neck instead. He smiles as the pendant falls against his chest and he immediately drops his gaze to it like he was waiting for it to be around his neck again. "Guess… you were right," I mumble, shrugging when he looks up at me. "We won the game s-so… guess it is good luck."

Danny's smile widens and he curls his palm around the pendant. He drops his gaze to it again and pushes out a breath, seeming like he's warring with himself. I don't know what his choices are but he comes to some kind of a decision and looks up at me again.

"When my dad gave this to me, it was… after everything happened with my ex. It wasn't really meant for good luck, it meant a few different things. But I feel like it's become something close to a good luck charm," he mumbles, trailing off as his face flushes pink.

I chew the inside of my cheek to stop myself from lunging across the space between us to kiss him or hold him gently or just touch him. I've been asking myself and wondering why I can't just kiss him or tell him how I feel and I think I finally have my answer. He's not as solid as I thought he was.

I've always pictured myself as the crumbling building and Danny as the proud skyscraper. Standing tall and unshakeable. But I was wrong. He is shakable. And he's been broken. So fucking badly. And he hasn't fixed himself yet. At least, not entirely. I can't ask him to be mine if he's not even his own again. Despite how often I dream of waking up to a mess of black hair and eyes so blue, they make the sky jealous, I can't tell him how I feel. Not yet anyway. Not yet.

Danny raises an eyebrow when I take a step backward but I offer up a smile, in the hopes that it's enough of an answer for now. I really fucking like you, Danny. But I can't ask you to be mine.

"I'll give you some space. See you in the morning?" I ask, already retreating a few more steps.

He nods, his eyebrows drawn down but I don't let it stop me. Cause he needs his space, even if he doesn't want to admit it. The selfish part of me is hoping that he asks me to stay the night with him. But the bigger part of me, the part that tries to remind the selfish part that he's hurting, knows that it's better this way.

I turn around and get almost to the door before he calls out to me. I'd like to think that his voice doesn't have that much power over me but that'd be a lie. Of course I turn instantly when I hear him softly call my name.

Danny's frowning but he closes the distance between us, immediately pulling me into a hug. Fuck, you're gonna make this harder than it has to be.

I practically melt into his touch and he lets out a breath, running his hands down my back. "Tonight… was all you, Dash. It didn't have anything to do with the necklace or any good luck people wished you. The Ravens won tonight because your team was excellent. You were excellent, Dash," he whispers, his every word making my chest swell with pride.

He squeezes me gently, pulling away to give me a smile. "I mean it. I'm really… proud of you." Danny beams when I duck my head, blushing like a fucking idiot. He tilts my chin back up to meet his stare and the sheer pride I can see in his expression is enough to have me grinning. "Seriously. You were so good out there."

"T-Thanks," I stammer, hating the fact that he can see how embarrassed I am just from his kind words. Then again, I'd probably blush at anything he says.

Danny lets me go then and I think I'm a little proud of myself too. Not just cause of the game. Mainly cause this time, I actually manage to leave his room. I'd rather stay with him and talk late into the night and pretend that I came out to him and Keith on the balcony tonight. But pretending doesn't do anyone any good.

I close his door softly behind me but I stand outside longer than I should. Long enough to start to war with myself on whether or not I should go back inside. If I just knock, he'd let me back in. And I could hold him all night and make sure he knows that I would never to do to him what his ex did. I'll never break Danny.

"Hey, squirt."

I nearly jump out of my skin as I glance over my shoulder, stumbling a few paces away from Danny's door. I give Anastasia a glare but she merely grins in response. She leans her hip against the doorframe of an open hotel room and tilts her head as she watches me. "Whatcha doing?"

"Getting the shit scared out of me," I respond, shooting her a glare before I nod toward the bucket of ice in her hands, a tall wine bottle sticking out of the top. "You planning on drinking yourself to death?"

Anastasia grins wickedly, nodding. "Yup. Or until I pass out at least." She glances down at the bottle for a second. "You wanna join me? There's plenty here to get both of us drunk," she offers, lifting the bottle further out of the ice bucket to show me.

"Underage, remember? Wouldn't want Alex to have your head," I respond, reluctantly stepping further away from Danny's door.

She considers my words for a second or two before she shrugs. "What Alex doesn't know won't hurt him. And besides, you just won a championship game, kid. You deserve to celebrate a little."

I should probably be more responsible and tell her no but me and responsibility have never gotten along. I didn't drink at the party and I resisted pushing Danny against the fucking wall and kissing him until he fell in love with the way I taste and… Anastasia's right. My team just won the championship game. The final win of the season went to us and I deserve to celebrate.

"Okay, sure."


Anastasia and I end up sitting on the floor of her hotel room, taking turns refilling plastic cups with the slightly bitter alcohol until both of us are hazy and our lips start to loosen.

She starts talking about her high school experiences and how different Casper High was back then. Mostly, her talk consists of what she and Alex did but she occasionally brings up friends or past teachers. I end up laughing so fucking hard as she starts talking about how she had Mr. Lancer for English too and how he was a hard-ass even back then.

"High school, man," Anastasia says when my laughter has died down. She's grinning as she swigs from her cup again, slouching down further against the wall. Her legs are stretched out in front of her, crossed at the ankles and the look on her face is generally chilled out, her eyes creased at the edges from laugh lines.

I've got my back propped against one side of the bed and I'm watching her stare out into the distance as I tip my cup and drain what's left. I lean forward to snag the bottle between us and refill my cup before I pass it off to her waiting hand.

Anastasia pours a generous amount into her own cup and throws half of it back in two loud gulps. She runs a hand down her face as she sets the bottle on the floor beside her, letting out a breath.

"Fuck," she mumbles, her gaze dropping down to the carpet between us. She clumsily reaches for her cup and I wonder how much she's had before she invited me inside. Is this her second round of drinks or third?

She meets my gaze after a few seconds of silence and lifts her cup toward me, a smile easing its way onto her face. "Congratulations, Dash. You should be happy that you won tonight."

I swallow back a sip of alcohol as she drains the remainder of hers and reaches for the bottle again. Before she can grab it, I lean forward and snag it, tugging it out of her reach. She looks up at me then, her eyes unguarded and more honest than I've ever seen her look.

"You cutting me off, squirt?" she asks, a wry smile on her face as she leans back against the wall. Her gaze flicks to the ceiling and she shakes her head. "Probably a good thing. Tomorrow's car ride is gonna be a bitch on my head already."

I set the bottle on my other side and she drops her gaze to watch it. "Is everything okay?" I ask, knowing that it's probably not my place to ask her anything. I know Alex pretty well but Anastasia and I usually only interact when we're around him. I don't know if I have the right to ask questions. But she looks so… lost.

Anastasia meets my gaze with a scoff. "Piss off." She slides down further on the wall, her chin basically on her chest with the position, and lets out a pent-up breath.

When I've worked up the energy to apologize and take myself back to my room, she groans, sitting forward to drop her head into her hands. She grinds the heels of her palms against her eyes and rests her elbows on her knees.

"Sorry, kid. I don't mean to be a bitch and ruin your night," Anastasia mumbles, sitting upright again as she pushes a hand through her hair. She glances toward me with a shrug. "I just broke up with my girlfriend. Like last weekend. Thought I was gonna be better at dealing with it but I miss her. Even though we were a fucking train wreck together."

Before I have a chance to even process what she's said, she snatches up her cup again before realizing that it's still empty. "Fuck." Her gaze shifts to the bottle and she eyes it suspiciously, like she's debating on whether or not she's gonna lunge for it. I put the bottle on the other side of me, blocking it from her view and she groans.

"G-Girlfriend?" is what I eloquently manage to ask. I didn't know that Anastasia was gay. She never mentioned anything like that in front of me. Then again, I doubt she wanted some random kid her brother hired to know about her dating life.

She shrugs, scooting away from the wall until she can lay back. Her eyes fall closed and she rests an arm over her face with a sigh. "Yeah. We met around the beginning of summer. Been kind of an off and on relationship since then. Didn't expect this break-up to suck so much but here I am."

"You're gay?"

That wasn't at all what I planned on saying back to her. I wanted to offer condolences or ask if she wanted to talk about it but my brain decided that question was way more important to ask. And I fucking know why I'm asking.

Anastasia lifts her arm from over her eyes and gives me a curious look. I swallow and it feels like my heart is wrapped around my throat. Shit, I really am just a random kid that Alex hired to her. No way does she want to share any of this shit with me. I don't have a fucking right to ask her this kind of shit. Even if I'm so fucking lost with my own sexuality, she doesn't deserve to have to answer any of my questions, I should shut the fuck up before-

"No. I'm bi," she responds, dropping her arm over her eyes again.

I try to just give her the space that she needs and not ask her to open up and talk to me about any of this shit but I've only heard that term tossed around a couple times when Kwan was trying to figure out his sexuality and I've been too fucking terrified to do any research of my own.

"B-Bi?" I question, losing my nerve when she looks at me. "That's like… uhh, bi-sexual, yeah?"

Anastasia nods, keeping her gaze on me as she talks. "Yeah, you know. I like girls and guys." She stares at me like that explains everything and waits for me to say something. But I couldn't think of a single fucking thing even if she gave me a year and she gives up on a response after a few seconds.

"I think it kinda shocked my mom a little when I came out, honestly. Cause I never realized I had a thing for girls until a couple years ago." She shrugs when I don't say anything but I think she recognizes the look on my face. "Why you asking, kid?"

I can't look at her as I turn over everything in my mind, and I drop my gaze to the ground. I still have some alcohol left in my cup and I quickly drain the remainder before I respond, my heart in my fucking throat. "I don't… really know. I've… been asking Kwan about this but… he doesn't really know."

Anastasia sits up, arching an eyebrow when I look at her. "You questioning things, squirt?"

I nod, darting my gaze in her direction, before I abruptly shake my head. "No… I don't know. Maybe I'm just confused." I jerk my fingers through my hair, trying to will myself to keep myself the fuck together. I really don't have the goddamn right to fall apart right now.

"I highly doubt you're confused," Anastasia says, moving from her position on the floor to where I'm at. She nudges my shoulder with hers as she settles down next to me, the two of us leaning against the bed together now. "So. You been noticing guys now, yeah?"

The breath sticks in my throat but I manage to say 'yeah.' I want to tell her everything I feel for Danny but he's not the only guy I've noticed. And I feel like I'd be selling myself short if I tell her that I'm only interested in Danny.

"There was… this club. I went with Kwan on Halloween a-and… I almost kissed the bartender," I mumble, running a hand down my face as I let out a breath. "He was r-really fucking-" I cut myself off before I can utter the only word I can think of to describe him – attractive. "I um… I think he was flirting with me."

Anastasia snorts. "The biggest problem of all. Not knowing whether they're flirting with you or not," she mutters, shaking her head. "Good luck with that, kid, that part never gets any easier."

I give a nod, chewing on my bottom lip because I don't know what to say. I don't know how to tell her that I'm scared of this being nothing and I'm making a big deal out of it. And at the same time, I'm fucking terrified that it's something.

She roughly nudges her shoulder into mine with a soft noise. "You're not confused, Dash. You can like chicks and dicks at the same time. It's not weird, alright? You're perfectly normal and there's nothing wrong with you and all that feel good bullshit." Anastasia shrugs when I look at her. "I suck with words but the meaning's there, alright? You're fine, kid."

I don't know what to say and she catches me off guard by leaning over to grab the bottle sitting beside me. She gives me a pointed look when she settles against the bed again. "Shut up. And don't breathe a word of this to Alex. If he knew I was drinking cause of a break-up, he'd kick my ass."

Apparently lunging for her cup is too much effort at this point cause she just chugs straight from the bottle. When she pulls it away from her mouth, a droplet runs from the corner of her mouth and down her chin. She roughly swipes it away with a sigh, hesitating a second before she passes the bottle back to me.

"Why would-"

She doesn't give me a chance to finish my question before she's giving me the answer. "Cause I'm the one that cut him off when shit went down with Kendra. And since she moved back to Amity Park, he's tried to default back to a bottle in the evening and I'm the one that's stopped him. Trust me, he'd kill me if he found out that I'm chugging alcohol cause of a break-up."

Shit… I didn't think about that before. Ever since I heard Kendra's name, I've known that whatever happened between them must've been fucking horrible but… a break-up? Is that all there is to that shitty situation?

"Alex was… th-that's what happened between them?" I ask, meeting Anastasia's gaze when she looks back at me.

She snorts, shaking her head as she pulls the bottle back from me again, chugging down a few more swallows. "It was so much more than a break-up. It was ugly and messy and honestly, Alex has never really healed from it all. And it's fucking understandable because I couldn't imagine being in his shoes and yet he's better at this fucking shit than I am and-" she cuts herself off, shaking her head as she downs a few more swallows again.

For a few seconds, neither one of us make a move and silence is stretched so thinly over the both of us, I'm afraid it's going to snap. There's too many questions to ask her, too many things I can feel her holding back from this conversation. I want to ask. And I know she wants to answer. But something doesn't feel right about asking.

"Forget it," Anastasia says, setting the bottle down between us before she crosses her arms. "That's Alex's shit to talk about. Don't tell him I mentioned any of it, he really will kill me. When he decides to tell you… if he decides to tell you, don't mention my name or anything, I'm way too fucking young to die."

I nod and let my stare drift out into the rest of the room, processing everything as we both lapse into a comfortable silence. For a few minutes, I can only think of Alex and wonder what the hell happened with Kendra that was so bad. That fucked him up this badly. But my heart is quick to pull my attention back toward what Anastasia said about being bisexual. The part about it being okay to like girls and guys. Fuck, I want it to be okay.

"Oh shit, I just remembered, Alex owes me twenty bucks cause of you. Thanks," she says, slumping down further against the bed. A wicked grin lights up her features when I look at her. "We kinda had a betting pool on when you'd come out."

I can only imagine the expression on my face but it makes her cackle, her whole body shaking with the laughter. What the fuck?

She chokes on her laughter. "Y-You should… see… the look on your… face!" She twists at odd angles as the laughter shakes her and clutches at her stomach as she falls onto her back. "O-Oh, Dash y-you're… gonna… kill me kid!"

I resort to chucking pillows at her face until she stops laughing and once she's back to mostly coherent, save for a few spluttered giggles, I give her a glare. Which only makes that stupid-ass grin return to her face.

"I'm not even sorry, your face was priceless," Anastasia says, leaning over to sock me on the arm. She relaxes back against the bed again, letting out a breath. "It's true though. We really do have a bet going on when you'd come out. He said it'd take you until at least December. I said it'd be before then. Honestly, I figured you were gonna tell him but I'm honored to be allowed in on this secret." She mimes wiping a tear away and places a hand over her heart. So of course I have to throw another pillow at her stupid fucking face.

She makes another few teasing jibes but we settle back into quiet conversation for a while. When we're both practically falling asleep mid-sentence, Anastasia offers for me to crash in her room for the night. She warns me that she's a blanket hog but that's more than fine with me. All the alcohol and conversation has made warmth flow through me and I actually slip my shirt off before I pass out on the bed next to her.

The few thoughts I have before darkness takes me are fleeting and barely make any sense but I recognize that they're of Danny. Of course they're of Danny.


The sky is just beginning to lighten when my phone starts making one obnoxious noise after another. For a few, bleary seconds, I think I've left my alarm on but I don't remember setting one. It's gotta be barely 6 judging from the sky alone.

It takes me a few seconds before I realize that it's not my alarm going off, someone's calling me. And though the string of numbers isn't a contact in my phone, I have a vague idea that I know who's calling me this late. Or early, I guess.

"H-Hello?" I answer the call before stumbling out of bed. Anastasia is stirring at the sound of my voice so I make my way over to the balcony. The dead air I'm getting on the other end is more worrying than it should be, especially if my instincts are right. "Mom?"

I hear her inhale softly on her end and I mumble a swear under my breath before I step out onto the balcony. The sky really is just starting its transition into morning so it's still really dim, the only lights from the city below us.

Mom hasn't spoken since I answered the call and it ignites a fear in my bones that I didn't know still existed in my soul. I swipe a hand down my face, trying to wake myself up, and tighten my grip around my phone, pushing out a breath between my teeth. "Mom, what's going on?"

It's silent for another few seconds before she starts to talk, her words slurring together in a rush to get out of her mouth.

"Dash… baby, I've missed you," she mumbles, her breath hitches as she draws in a lungful of oxygen and the sound has me gritting my teeth and my eyes falling closed. Fuck, I can't stand to hear her cry. "I thought you were gonna help me… get away from him. Get us both away from him… baby, why won't you help me? Do you want me to always be afraid?"

F-Fuck, mom, don't do this.

I draw from some unseen pool of strength in my gut, urging me to push her away. To not give into this. I can't do this. "Mom… c-c'mon, you know I'm not… trying to hurt you." My words come out splintered when I wanted to sound strong and it scratches at me. It reminds me that no matter how many times things get fucked up between us, mom's the one person I've never been able to push away.

"If you don't want to hurt me, then help me."

Her tone has a certain edge I've never heard before and it makes my chest ache. Cause I'm really not trying to hurt her. But fuck, she wants me to lie, what the hell am I supposed to do? A witness. She wants me to pretend I'm a fucking witness. I hate the way it sounds – like I stood by and watched dad hurt her. And I hate myself for not being strong enough to just do what she wants and fucking end this whole fucking thing.

"Baby, I love you so much. You know that right? I… never wanted a-anything bad to happen to you. You were always the best thing he ever gave me, I only ever-"

"Mom, are you drunk?" I interrupt, squeezing my eyes closed. I can't listen to her anymore. I don't want to hear a thousand broken apologies tumble from her lips and I'd rather tear my own skin off than listen as she tries to explain why lying to her attorney is a good thing. Why it would help.

She exhales out heavily, her voice sounding incredible weak when she talks. "It hurts, baby. I know you can understand… I've just been trying to get away from him for so long and the one person I thought I could depend on… isn't here for me."

Fuck, mom… please.

"M-Mom… I need to go," I mumble. She starts talking over me, telling me that she loves me and that she wishes I'd just listen to her and I can't listen to her. It hurts every bit of my heart to hear her so fucking wrecked. Cause I'm selfish and I won't give in and let her have what she wants.

I end the call abruptly, trying not to let her get inside my head but her broken tone plays in my head after the line goes dead. The hand clenched around my phone is starting to tremble a little and the tension in my gut is coursing through my veins like this… anxiety is now my own blood.

The door squeaks open behind me and I turn to look at Anastasia. She blinks, leaning her head against the doorframe and I can see the exhaustion pulling at her.

"S-Sorry… I thought I left my volume off last night," I apologize, gesturing back to her room. "You can… go back to sleep… I'll be inside in just a second."

Anastasia stares back at me for a few seconds before she steps out onto the balcony, pushing the door closed behind her. "Eh. I could go for a cigarette." She procures a pack from her pocket and lights up a cigarette, the smoke almost beautiful in the early morning light. It captures my attention from the second she puts it to her lips and it's like I can't tear my gaze away from it. Cause if I look away, I'll think of everything I'm trying not to.

She glances my way with a tired smirk. "Don't even bother asking for one of these, squirt."

I look away from her and try to shake that phone call from my mind by staring down at the city but it doesn't work that well. Compared to what I could see last night from Dale's room, the view just isn't the same. But I still find my stare fixated on the traffic below us, just trying to keep my grip on reality and not get sucked up into mom's world.

Anastasia shuffles closer to me when I lean my forearms against the railing and after a second or two of hesitation, she mirrors my position. The light from her cigarette glows orange against the dark blues of the sky and the contrast has my focus again, my gaze following it every time she lifts it to her mouth.

"That was… your mom?" she asks, turning toward me a little.

I quickly lose interest in the light from her cigarette and drop my gaze again with a shrug. "Yeah." I don't know what Alex has told her about this whole fucked up situation but I'm not interested in filling her in. "Ask Alex if you're curious about what's been going on between me and her but… yeah. Yeah, that was her."

Anastasia watches me as I push a hand through my hair and I let out a groan. "She's…" I don't know what mom is anymore. Flippant? Careless? What's the word for someone that's abandoned you and suddenly wants your help?

"A selfish asshole?" Anastasia asks, raising an eyebrow when I look at her.

I don't know if that's the right word for her but god, it sure as hell feels like the right word for her. Selfish. That's what Alex called it when he was talking about what mom asked me to do. Maybe she is selfish. God, how can someone that's supposed to care about me ask something like that of me?

Words and I don't get along and I fucking suck at phrasing things and it's really not fair to dump my shit on Anastasia as she sleepily inhales on a cigarette but I have to say something. Or I'll burn the way the ash from her nicotine fix does but I won't sizzle out when I hit the pavement. I'll keep burning until this entire goddamn hotel is in engulfed in my flames.

"I don't… know how to stop… internalizing everything," I mumble, keeping my stare far away from Anastasia even when she turns to look at me. "I never know… how to tell people and… I've stopped letting people in. C-Cause it's hard. And awkward as fuck. But… keeping this shit inside hurts. A-And… I don't think… that I want to hurt anymore."

Anastasia places a hand on my back and grinds out the stub of her cigarette on the railing. "Shit, kid." She awkwardly pats my back, letting out a breath. "I'm not gonna pretend like I have the answers for you or like I can make you feel any better. Alex is better at talking about shit, I'm not that great with words. Pretty sure they hate me."

She gives me an apologetic look when I turn to glance at her. "Sorry, this isn't about me. Basically… fuck, I don't know what I'm supposed to say. Uhh… it gets better? Or something like that? Not every day has rain? Live for the ones that have sunshine? Don't let other people-"

I cut Anastasia off and surprise myself by hugging her. She responds with a quiet 'oof' but after a second of hesitation, her arms circle around my back and somehow, that's better than anything she could have said to me. Cause it doesn't matter what she says now. All that matters is I know now that I'm not alone in my pain and I'm sure as hell not the only one in the world that sucks with words.


A/N:

Oh my god, the beast is done!

To those of you that haven't been following this saga of edits on 58 on my tumblr, then basically, it's been a bitch. To those of you that have been following on tumblr… ARE YOU FUCKING PROUD OF ME?!

Yoooo, welcome everyone! I took an unexpected break/hiatus from updating this fic. Work was crazy, I was super busy even in my down-time and honestly, things are only gonna get crazier from here. But I'm back and I'm ready to double down on my editing and prepare 59 to go up much faster than I got this chapter up. And maybe if I'm lucky, I can sneak in a Saturday upload or two to make up for this unexpected break. But anyway, onto this chapter!

So, first things first because I've been DYING for you guys to know about it: What do you think of the storyline around Danny's ex!? I've been waiting so patiently for you guys to know about it! Any thoughts you have please let me know cause I'd love to hear them!

There's a lot to unpack in this chapter but I've been staring at it and editing it for like a month so this'll probably be a quicker run through of an author's note than usual but here goes

Poor Dash and his rib. For clarification because I don't think it was ever officially said in the chapter, his rib isn't broken and it didn't cut through his skin. That was just an old wound from the last time his dad kicked him. The scab just came off while he was playing and bled a little

What about him letting Tatiana in on this secret? What'd you guys think of that? Also I'd love to know what you think of Tatiana in general, she's such a fun character to write. Also I LOVE the way Anastasia and Alex interact whenever they're around their mom. It's like they're instantly kids again, making stupid jibes at each other and stuff

Dale and Mitch at the party, huh? That was a scene that was never in the original version of this chapter, I added it when editing. I added it for a few reasons, honestly. One, this entire time I've been writing this fic, I've always pictured in my head that these two characters just went together. It wasn't something I ever addressed because it was just an author thing, something I knew behind the scenes but didn't really matter to the overall plot or structure of the story. But this chapter gave me the opportunity to explore it so I went with it for a few other reasons

Having two of Dash's teammates "come out" publicly like that really sets up for how Dash chooses to come out himself. He's obviously already out to Kwan, Valerie, and now Anastasia but he's still very much in the closet. After seeing the way that this affects his teammates when they're back home in Amity Park, it makes Dash think twice about coming out. Having this scene in this chapter also set the stage for Keith to do his own coming out which leads to some interesting developments later on. Also, that moment when you realize like a solid 80% of the football team isn't straight lmao

What do you think of how Anastasia handled Dash's questioning? I know it can be a bit of delicate subject to address cause everyone has differing opinions on how to handle it. But I hope I did it justice and I hope you guys liked it

Also, a bit of a note here, the Spanish in this chapter I used was miel which should translate to "honey", querido which should translate to "dear", and cállate which should translate to "shut up". Again, I don't speak Spanish so if this is wrong, don't hate me

The title of this chapter comes from Midnight Mouths by Lauren Aquilina. When I first wrote this chapter, I kind of knew that this would be the title just based on the balcony scene alone. The first line of the song is, "We were running off our midnight mouths, saying things that we don't mean" and to me, that was just the balcony scene in a nutshell. Another contender for this chapter was So Alive by Goo Goo Dolls and also New Rules by Dua Lipa. I really picture the Dua Lipa song as something Danny would send to Kwan on a mixtape of sorts, just like "get over jared he's an ass, ur better than him"

Anyway, that's all I pretty much wanna say about this chapter – guess it wasn't that short of an author's note after all. Thanks so much for sticking with this story, I really appreciate all the love and support. And I'm really hoping that it doesn't take me another month before the next chapter goes up

Seriously though, thanks so much and I hope you've all enjoyed this update. I'll see you next time I upload!