Chapter 47
"Aren't you terrified?"
Hermione glanced up from her book and turned to Harry. They were relaxing after combat training, sitting on a bench at the Westchester safe house porch with their legs propped up on the railing. Ron was off with Susan Bones somewhere, to Harry and Hermione's unspoken relief. She caught a glimpse of Ron and Susan once. He didn't have any issues snogging Susan, that was for certain. And Hermione was glad he was happy.
The trio had grown weary of the tense awkwardness caused by Hermione's rejection. She was glad those days looked to be over.
Harry stared straight ahead into the setting sun, Butterbeer in hand. He appeared to be in one of his pensive moods, and was having more and more of them lately.
"Terrified of anything in particular?" she asked.
There was a war. They had no idea where the Hufflepuff Cup could be and were going to the Malfoy summer party on a lark. The Order was outnumbered, in hiding, and the best they could manage was to occasionally trip up Voldemort's operations. Admittedly, they were excellent at sabotage, and were good at staying hidden. But when it came down to it, the future of the war landed squarely on Harry, Hermione and Ron's shoulders and their ability to find that sodding cup.
It was a lot of responsibility. Aside from that, the Order was one successful safe house raid away from death and torture and that would be the end for all of them. At least they were nearly covered with Portkeys.
Thinking back to her conversation with Remus, Hermione knew she also had her moments where she pondered the future of the war and how tenuous their position was. Somedays winning seemed impossible, and she kept herself busy so as not to wallow in how helpless she felt.
Harry never talked about his insecurities with others – at least, not in regard to the war. Everyone looked up to him, suspected he was the key to Voldemort's defeat and he knew it. Aside from that, Harry was inspiring, he was brave, he raised everyone's morale and he ran headfirst into battle, never looking back. Harry was a natural born leader, and he would exchange his life for any one of them without giving it a second though.
Hermione's chest constricted with sadness.
He would and he will.
She Occluded so he wouldn't see her grief. That skill had become incredibly helpful over the past several months, and she could do it without most people noticing now. At the snap of her fingers, just like her mentor had instructed.
Harry took a swig of his Butterbeer and held it in his cheeks for a second before swallowing.
"We're a bunch of kids," he said, waving his Butterbeer out towards the empty grounds where they had just finished combat training. After heaving a big sigh, he stared into his bottle. "Sometimes I wish I had parents."
Immediately knowing he said the wrong thing he turned to her. "I'm sorry, Hermione."
"No, it's okay Harry. I-" Hermione was suddenly tired of constantly Occluding and keeping her feelings in all the time, so she allowed her tears to spill out.
"Hey," his deep voice became soft, and he pulled her into the warmth of his chest. She leaned into him while he rubbed her upper arm. "Hey. I'm sorry, that was thoughtless of me."
"No, it's just…" she sucked in her bottom lip. "We both wish we had parents." She continued, mumbling in his chest. "I'm worried that the memory charm can't be reversed." Her tears fell in plops on the fabric of his shorts.
"One thing at a time, right?" he murmured into her hair. "You'll cross that bridge when you come to it, and you won't be doing it alone. Ron and I will be there with you."
He wouldn't. He wouldn't be there when she crossed that bridge, and she felt more tears fall. She didn't have her parents and soon she wouldn't have him either. Hermione squeezed her eyes tight, clutched the fabric of his shirt, still damp from his sweat, and began to cry in earnest.
"Thanks, Harry," she said, wiping the tears off her cheeks. "You're the only family I have right now." Draco had burst his way into her heart with a vengeance. And she worried about him too. He was in the most dangerous position of all of them.
Harry wrapped another arm around her and held her in a tight hug. "That's not true, we have the Weasleys."
"Yes, but it's not the same," she said, beginning to sob in earnest. "They don't understand what it's like to lose everyone. They don't know what it's like to be alone."
He was silent and pressed his lips to the top of her head. Her shoulders shook and she squeezed her eyes shut, burying her face into his chest. After a few moments, Harry spoke again.
"It's not the same, but we still have them."
He held her while she cried and rubbed her back while the sun set. After some more time passed, she released a long, shuddering sigh, and sniffled.
"Better?" he asked.
No. Nothing was better. Nothing had changed. Harry would die and she didn't know if she'd get her parents back.
But she still had him with her now.
"I love you, Harry," she spoke into his chest.
"I love you, too."
They stared out at the setting sun over the far sheep fields. She saw him fingering something in his pocket, as he was wont to do when lost in though.
"Harry?"
"Yeah?"
"Why do you carry that piece of mirror around with you all the time?"
Harry exhaled and released her to pull the shard out of his pocket. He flipped it around and handed it to her so she could inspect it.
"I don't know. I keep thinking I see Dumbledore in it. It's stupid, but… I don't want to believe he's gone. He always knew what to do."
"Did he?" Hermione turned to him.
"Well that's just it, isn't it?" His bright green eyes studied her face. "There's hardly anyone left from the Order back then." He shook his head. "And none of the recruits have any experience doing…" he waved his hand. "All of this."
"We do now," she countered.
"You think?" he looked at her doubtfully.
"I do. It's just scary because we don't have adults to look up to anymore. We are the adults."
"I wouldn't say that." He rubbed the cold Butterbeer bottle over his forehead. "I still look up to Tonks, Kingsley, Remus and Minerva. Ignatius is annoying but I respect him as an Auror. Pamela as well. I looked up to Dedalus and John before they," he paused, not wanting to mention their murder. "They all trained us well."
Hermione smiled. He was right. They were a young army, but they did have a few adults she admired. Greatly.
"And I look up to you."
She turned to him in surprise. "What?"
He grinned down at her and ruffled her hair while she batted his hand away unsuccessfully. "You may be a bit short, but I look up to you."
She blushed. "Really?"
"Fucking hell, Hermione. Why do you think I spent my entire inheritance on Portkeys? I believe in you. Everyone agrees with you now but," he grinned in that Harry-like way, "I did back before it was cool."
"Harry," her lip trembled. "I'm going to cry again."
"Well now you're making me regret it," he rolled his eyes. "I should have bought more Firewhisky for parties. Or supplies for the infirmary. Or Firewhisky for the infirmary."
She smacked his chest with the back of her hand. "Mary would love that," she drawled.
Harry's grin widened. "That's just a bonus."
"Hmm," she snuggled into his chest again. "Well, I look up to you too."
"Nah, doesn't work. You're just copying me now."
"Well I do. Everyone looks up to you. You inspire them. You may not sit in on the leadership meetings but you damn well act like a leader. You're one of the reasons morale is so high. They believe in you and for good reason."
She poked him in the ribs and he jerked away, trying bringing his arms down to protect his side. Both he and Draco were easy targets for tickling.
"Chosen One," she teased.
"Brightest Witch of her Age," he declared in an exaggerated upper class drawl.
"We need to make up a nickname for Ron."
"The Chessmaster."
"Hmm," she nodded in approval. "I thought you'd go for comedic value. He'd like that one."
"Strategy Man."
"He does do a good job of planning raids, doesn't he?"
"He does."
Hermione thought back to Harry's comment about their lack of experience. "You see? I've grown up, you've grown up. We've all grown up. We've had to." She sat up and poked his chest. "You know, I'd wager we have more experience now than the Order in the First Wizarding War. And we've learned from their mistakes."
"You think so?"
"Absolutely," Hermione stole his Butterbeer. Harry didn't protest and she drank from the bottle. "They were a group of loosely aligned friends that got picked off one by one. We may not have the age and experience of You-Know-Who's army, but we have good leaders who built us up over the past year."
She reverted to teaching mode, ticking off points. "We've learned from the mistakes of the First Wizarding War. We have structure. We have a purpose, and we have a strategy which is working well. We're all exceptionally trained in combat thanks to Remus, Tonks, Minerva and the Aurors. They've been teaching and drilling us every day. Every single one of us."
She took another sip and Harry grabbed the bottle back from her. Hermione scowled but continued listing her points.
"We sabotage You-Know-Who's operations on the regular, loosening his grip on the Ministry. It may seem like we're not making any progress, but it's impossible for them to move forward when they're always having to retrace their steps. We do that to them Harry."
She sat up straighter, gaining steam.
"We can evacuate any safe house at any time – at the drop of a hat. We have an infirmary with trained healers. And we've got a steady source of funding to keep us going while we look for the Horcruxes. It's just a matter of time. We'll do it. We're guerilla fighters and we'll take him down."
She just about convinced herself. But the Hufflepuff Cup worried her to no end. What if they never found it? And even if they did, what then? How would they defeat a larger army and overthrow the Ministry? They could make Voldemort's life difficult, but how would they win?
Harry seemed more optimistic, so she pressed on.
"Think about how far you've come! If you were to face your sixth-year self in a duel, who would be better?"
He stared back at her dumbly. "That doesn't mean anything."
Hermione grabbed at his butter beer again, but he pulled it out of her reach with a raised eyebrow.
She pouted but continued. "But it does. You said you feel like a kid but you're not anymore. None of us are. If I told you and Ron that we needed to kidnap Greyback-" Harry made a face. "-and gave you the layout of whatever carrion encrusted den he lived in, the two of you would have a raid strategy in place, a team ready to go within an hour, and you'd probably come back with one minor injury, if any at all. We excel at quick, well-planned surgical strikes and that's because we've all worked our arses off to be that way. We found our strengths and we use them."
"But none of this means anything without that sodding cup," Harry protested.
He was right. And she had no idea where it was or how they were going to find out. That's why they needed to go to the Malfoy summer party. They needed to do something. They needed to get out of their bubble.
"It does," Hermione pressed on. "Harry, look at me." He did, and she made another grab for his Butterbeer, but he was too fast. Sodding Seekers and their reflexes. "How many Muggle-borns did we save by getting them into hiding?"
Harry scratched the back of his head in thought. "Thirty?"
She shook her head. "Fifty-six, Harry. And that doesn't even include their families. Does that mean nothing without that sodding cup?"
"Of course it means something."
"You did that, Harry."
"We did that," he corrected, but he looked encouraged.
"Look back to where we were last summer. How many Horcruxes had we destroyed?"
"None," he said, a genuine smile gracing his features.
Hermione put her hand on his. "And we had no clue where the remaining Horcruxes were, let alone what they were. How many have we destroyed since then?"
"One, and one waiting patiently in that beaded bag for the wrath of your Fiendfyre."
She smiled and clutched Harry's hand. "And we know what the remaining Horcruxes are. Give it time, Harry. We're making progress. We're getting there."
Trying to be inconspicuous, she slipped her hand over the neck of the bottle and tried once again to grab it from him.
Harry laughed and tugged it out of her reach while she lunged across his lap, falling down ungracefully on the bench. "Get your own Butterbeer."
Just then Ginny walked up the stairs of the porch, sweaty from her run. How Ginny had enough energy to go for a run after combat training was beyond Hermione. The woman was a machine. Probably all those years playing Quidditch at school. Her eyebrows rose in amusement when she saw Hermione sprawled over Harry's lap.
"This isn't what it looks like!" Harry protested with a laugh.
"You're not trying to take Harry's Butterbeer?" Ginny asked Hermione.
"This is exactly what it looks like." Harry replied.
"He's being a git, Ginny. He won't share!"
Ginny put her hand on her hip and looked imperiously at Harry. "Share, Harry. Or I won't do that thing we talked about."
"What thing? You did that thing yester- Oh. That thing." Harry's voice dropped an octave. "Here you go, Hermione." Immediately Harry placed the bottle in Hermione's hand. "Have the rest. I'll go bring some more from the kitchen if you like. Any snacks to go with it?"
Ginny nodded at him with a smile and gave Hermione a wink. "Chicks before dicks."
oooooooooooooooooo
"RAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIID!"
Hermione threw off her blanket and jumped out of her bed at Westchester safe house. Adrenaline pumped through her veins. Between the caterwauling charms and Dean yelling his head off with the Sonorus Charm, no one would sleep through this. She grabbed her wand from underneath her pillow, watching Ginny disappear and Lavender fall out of her bed with a loud curse. She summoned her beaded bag and laid her hand atop her copy of Hogwarts: A History, resting on her nightstand.
"Portus!"
She felt the familiar pull towards her navel and reappeared in the warehouse in Bath.
The Order didn't have much in terms of supplies there, but it was safe. It was separate. No one knew the location Remus had identified or had any idea how to even Apparate to the near vicinity. So it couldn't be divulged via the Imperius Curse or Veritaserum and no one would be able to stake it out. But everyone could Portkey in and out thanks to Hermione's months of hard work. She glanced around nervously, watching Order members pop into existence all around her.
Lavender suddenly crashed into her.
"Sorry!" She grabbed Hermione's arm, and pulled her up before they both fell over.
Lavender glanced around, saw Justin, and immediately set to fixing her hair before sauntering over to him.
Tonks sat in a chair tapping her foot impatiently while sand poured through the narrow juncture of an hourglass. Everyone was looking around apprehensively – except Lavender and Justin – trying to figure out who else was missing. Neville had his roster out, checking off names as people appeared. Penelope Clearwater and the other safe house leaders were doing the same.
Suddenly Terry Boot appeared, generating a wide smile from Cho, who ran over to him. Upon his arrival, Penelope nodded to Tonks. Tonks pointed at the hourglass, suspending the sand mid-flow. They waited for the verdict with bated breath.
"Two and a half minutes."
Everyone roared and whooped, patting each other on the back and randomly high-fiving each other. Ever since the first raid, the entire Order population hidden over five separate safe houses had been drilling Portkey evacuations, even though they didn't have 100% coverage. Partners were assigned to seek each other out and Portkey together. As the number of Portkeys increased over the past couple months, their evacuation time dropped dramatically. With everyone assigned their own personal Portkey, the evacuation never took more than three minutes from the time the alarms sounded. No matter what they were doing, no matter the time of day, even if it was at bloody half past four in the morning.
Hermione saw Ron pull away from snogging Susan across the room. He caught her eye and gave her a thumbs up. That was encouraging. She smiled widely back at him, missing his friendship terribly. Outside of the tense Horcrux meetings with Harry, she had been giving him space to process her rejection, and withholding the source of the diadem from them. Maybe things could get back to normal now.
Remus walked over to her groggily and placed a hand on her shoulder.
"Well done, Hermione."
He knew this was her baby, having been the recipient of many of her angry tirades over funds usage. Tonks glanced over and gave them a clown faced smile.
Quite literally, a clown faced smile.
She knew Tonks intended to be funny, and was happy that tensions had also eased between her and her mentor, but honestly that was the most horrifically evil visage she had ever seen.
Hermione shuddered.
Nightmare fuel for a week.
Next chapter: GIRLS NIGHT OUT!
