A shitty day turned shittier. Last thing I needed was a load of furry enthusiast wanting to kill me, just 'cause I exist and that offends them.
But yeah, I managed to piss some bastards off and now they want my head.
Though I did managed to do the FUNNIEST shit ever! Some sort of "special" cops chased after me, had abilities and all, and I threw a jar filled with my own piss at them! The look on their face when they realized what they were covered in was fucking HILARIOUS!
Although... Now I'm pretty certain I am wanted by a criminal organization AND the law...
Oh, forgot to mention that I found a REALLY nifty device in the backpack. I didn't check the entire backpack before, but this device is a real life-saver! Helped me build temporary shit!...
Anyway, I had to begin surviving like a criminalistic hobo on the streets. Wasn't nice, I tell ya...
-An idiot with issues, Guess what? Still no clue on the date and time!
The man, after his long rest on the rooftop, wakes up with a yawn and smacking of the lips. "Man, ain't this shit?... I used to have a job and a place to call home, but now I'm here... Granted, I was a janitor in an office complex and I wanted a change in my life..." The man thought outloud.
He shrugs, "Eh, whatever." And proceeds to get up and standing "It seems like I'm soon gonna have to do a Karlsson-on-the-roof and actually LIVE on the roof..."
The man the snaps his finger, "Oh, I should do an inventory check" He says cheerfully, setting the backpack up-right and taking a proper look at it's contents.
"Right." He says, as he begins to list off things from the backpack, "Lantern. Oil. Glass jar. 8 tin cans of food. 3 large bottles of water. A bedroll, good to know. Matches box filled with matches. Pot. Knife. First-aid kit... And engineers' PDA?" He wonders near the end, picking up the PDA from the backpack, "Now why would that be here? Did sniper somehow steal it or did some bastard from high up in the sky gave me this backpack with this shit?..."
The man stared at the PDA for a while, before deciding "What the heck, why not?" And flips the switch at the top, turning it on.
The PDA's screen glows for a moment, before glowing text appears:
This product is (begrudingly) co-funded and brought to you by Reliable Excavation Demolition and Builders League United.
Please thank them for compiling this one-of-a-kind inter-dimensionally capable product.
Officially endorsed by Mann Co.
PDA Mk. MMI - On-The-Go Mega Builder and Blueprinter. (OTGoM-BoB)
The man stares at the text for a while, before saying out loud "That... doesn't make sense. RED and BLU always fought each othe-." Suddenly the PDA sparks "OH, SHIT!" yelled the man, dropping the PDA.
He read the screen and all it kept saying was ERROR: UNKNOWN TIME AND SPACE, POSSIBLY ANOTHER REALITY. ERROR: CORRUPTED DATA, POSSIBLY TAMPERED.
"Ah, shit. Really? This thing is busted?" The man says in frustration after reading the text. "I swear on my moustache that this is somesort of sick fucking joke made by some sick fuckin-" He was ranting, before he was cut off by the PDA sparking again.
Garbled text was on the screen for a while, before it changed to reading: Installing additions to the device...
"Fuckin-. Really? Did it have to scare me like that?" He asks in increasing anger. "Real fucking funny, asshole." He then grumbles out, picking up the PDA off the ground.
"So this thing is gonna be helping me su-" The man was saying, before something caught his eye on the screen "What was that in the addons?"
The man saw, for a brief moment on the screen: Installing access to blueprints and concepts from other realities.
This caused the man to think for a while, just staring at the object, before a large grin appeared on his face that even his moustache couldn't cover. "Oh? Well this is a pleasent surprise! Maybe I could-" He says, but then his grin faulters as he reads on:
Restricting access to other realities for user safety and conveniece.
"Ah, fuck. Me an my big fat mouth..." The man sighed out, "Well, I hope it's done at least." He says, as the screen changed to say: Please set name: _
"Guess I need to fill in my name later..." He thinks, rubbing his chin with his left hand "Or...I could fill in a joke name..." He grins for a moment, before shaking his head and saying "I'll decide later."
His thoughts were interrupted by his stomach grumbling. "Oh... right... breakfast." he muttered dejectedly, turning towards his backpack.
He picked out a tin can and jokingly says in a russian accent "Look. It's the unknown can of food stuffs." before promptly opening said can of food, which apparently contained meatballs made out of fish.
He takes out a camping utensil set from his pocket and folds out the fork. He stabs the meatball with his fork and places it in his mouth, chewing on the meatball, before swallowing it.
"Ahh..." The man sighs in content, "Ain't nothing better than some good food... For instance, the simple fishy meatball... Processed a lot, but it has no hard bones in it." He stabs another meatball, bringing it up to infront of his face, "Goes well with bread and butter, even better with some pickled onions..." He chows down onto the meatball, "Oh, simply delicious... Truly, one of a simple, yet perfect perfection of fish for a simple camper... If the simple camper likes fish, of course." The man says in a suave voice.
He stabs another meatball with the fork and bringing it to his mouth. He decides to take a look of the surrounding area, so he walks up to the edge and gets down on his knees, setting down the can onto the roof's edge.
He sees the people walking by, minding their own business. Each one having their own seperate life of doing... For instance, just now a man that looks like a typical lumberjack walked by. A woman with a weird set of clothes walked by, and-.
"huh?" He mutters, turning his head to look at the woman... Well, more of a girl than a woman, his eyes decieved him. "And I thought the trend of ripped jeans was horrid. Apparently there are people who deem themself so special, they have to dress-up like a sore thumb..." He sighed out, "Seriously, I will NEVER get those fashion idiots... They just seem to... well, they look like clowns usually. And they don't even try to entertain, which is the confusing part."
The man then shrugs and quietly says "Ah, whatever." and promptly places another meatball in his mouth.
He stares at the buildings, which remind him off... stereotypical buildings. "It's like they tried to recreate historical buildings, but it turned out terrible somehow. kinda like how people were oppsessed with greek architecture at one point in history." He complains quietly, before looking back down onto the people walking the street and the vehicles.
He places another meatball in his mouth and chews on it, looking at the people walking by on the streets. "Always liked watching people walk and do stuff..." He mutters to himself, before waving off the thought, "Nah, not really. I loved staring at old wooden houses, especially large ones. I always imagined how the inside of the house looks like."
The man places another meatball in his mouth and then eating it. His thoughts start drifting, as he begins reflecting on his life...
A young boy is running around in a small yard, the houses are wooden. some new, some old.
"Pt-Pt-Pt-Pt-Pt-Pt-Pt-Pt" The boy kept making the noise, as if he was in a car with an old motor.
"Aim cannon west!" The boy yelled, trying to sound masculine.
"Will do. Aiming west, 23 degrees up." The boy says, in another masculing voice.
He mimics the sounds of metal dragging across metal, before loudly yelling "KA-BOOM!"
"Hahaha! Direct hit! Nice job, rookie!" He says, trying to sound gruff and manly.
A slightly older boy is walking on a park side-walk, watching the scenery around him.
He keeps staring back at a nearby river, where he sees some ducks swimming in it and rarely a boat moving by.
"Heh." The boy chuckles, "I sometimes wish to explore the world..."
A teenager is walking on a side walk, that is close to a road. Apartment buildings can be seen nearby, as farther away, there is a river.
"Who needs public transport in this city? I can just walk to somewhere!" The teenager said to himself jokingly, "Granted, it takes about 30 minutes to walk from the center to out here and I have to do the same trek back, but doesn't bother me." He says to himself, shrugging.
"Ah, yes. The used goods store..." The teenager says, eyeing a store that he's getting close to. "A place where I could possibly find triple A games at rock-bottom prices... Like 2 euros, for instance..." He chuckles out, "Of course, that was for something that had 4 discs in the game's case."
A basically young adult is seen, currently sitting in his room, playing a game on his laptop.
"Hmm..." The man hums, rubbing his chin and feeling his shaved chin, "I could build the ship's cannon like that... But that design is too costly and makes the ship top heavy..." he mutters to himself.
"Wait, what am I doing?" The man slaps his face with his right hand, "I need to focus on the damn ship's body first, not the turrets. What good is a house if it doesn't have foun-"
Suddenly, the man was caught off guard by a bright light coming from his window. He grunts out angrily "Gah! Blasted light!", before turning his head toward the window.
What he saw in the distance, made his face go pale, as he stared in shock at the sight outside the window...
In the distance, a large, fire-y mushroom cloud could be seen, rising up into the air.
He mutters out quietly "Holy mother of god..." still staring at the cloud, "No... It's the end, isn't it?" He asks himself, staring at it.
A tear escapes from his eye, as he lets out a weak chuckle "I guess this is the end... A bit sudden, ain't it?"
Soon, the glass of the window broke from a deafening soundwave, the house shaking but still standing up.
Some of the glass shards enter his skin, but he didn't care about it anymore. All he saw was his final rest coming towards him.
He walked out and checked up into the sky. He many trails flying above his head and one coming straight toward the town he's living in.
His eyes begin to water, as he curse "Good bye world... and good bye you idiotic political fuckheads called "leaders" of the countries...", before closing his eyes.
Then, there is just a flash of whiteness...
The man is tearing up, remembering his fond memories and how everything changed.
He eats the last meatball, chewing in minimal amounts before swallowing. He folds the fork back on his camping utencil kit, then backs away from the edge of the roof and sits down, silently cries to himself.
"fucking..." he mutters out, "fucking everything... J-just fucking everything... Seeing the world burn i-is... fuck... fucking... shit..."
He sniffs,and curls up into a ball... "I feel completely shit..." The man mutters, continuing to silently sob for a few minutes...
... After his short episode, the man gets back up and wipes away his snot and tears. He takes a deep breath and slowly exhales. "Right." He says, "I'm okay. This could be a new life for me, and with this thing at hand," He looks at the PDA, "I can create anything I wish..." He says, admiring the PDA... until his shoulders slump and he adds "If I have the materials, that is... I assume."
His mood quickly changed, as he walked back to his backpack and puts it on. He walks to the old iron ladder on the side of the building and climbed down...
"Oh, shit..." He mutters, "Gotta take a piss..." He adds, staying in the shadows of the alleyway.
He takes the empty glass jar and quietly does his business...
...
After his brief piss brake, he exits the alley with the jar now being sealed and hooked onto his backpack.
He walked on the sidewalk, passing by many buildings that mostly seem to be residential. "Damn." He curses under his breath, "Where's an alcohol store when you need it? Got thirsty for some cider." He says to himself, as he continues to walk.
Sooner or later, he reached the comercial district. Or so he figured, the buildings looking a bit different from before, but they don't seem to be upper class. He also noticed many more stores on the sidelines as well.
"Huh..." he muttered, placing a hand on his chin "I need money at a certain point, but I can't just go 'round stealing the stuff... I also can't keep on stealing food, as I will get caught eventually." He move his hand to the back of his head and says "But what?... What could I do?... I could gather junk and possibly build shelter, but that takes too long to do..." He then sighs, bringing his hand down to it's usual position, "But I guess I don't have much of a choice..."
He continues to walk, looking at all the stores. Some of the store names catch his eye, but that's because the names are related with one word...
"Dust?" He asks silently in confusion, "As in, the dirt particles? They can't be just a brand..." He then shakes his head and continues his search for a place to temporarily stay.
He then spots something that seems to be a highway that is suspended high from the city and he smirks, "If there's a highway, there's uninhabitated land area nearby the pillars supporting it that I could shelter at. Common knowledge." He says to himself, walking towards the direction of the highway... Or what seems to him as a highway at least.
"Wait. didn't I plan on getting some alcohol?..."
He whispered to himself, before shaking the notion off "Nah, not now. Need to focus on survival, I can steal booze later... or on the way."
The man continues marching, hoping that he gets lucky and finds an empty sheltered spot to sleep in...
The town looked European, old yet new.
There are comercial buildings, but there ain't sky scrapers to be seen. It is as if the problem of living space hadn't occured yet, as most haven't built vertically for accomodations...
But what was going through the man's thoughts right now? well...
The man is currently whistling to the tune of Olley Oxen Free, from the game, The Neverhood.
He stops by a few dumpsters, in order to search for usable trash, like bottles, pipes, and the sort.
He spots something from one of the dumpsters. "Oooh! What do we have here?" He says with slight enthusiasm, as he sticks his arm into the dumpster.
He grabs hold of something that has a handlebar and pulls out a- "A scooter!" The man rudely interrupts my- I mean, The man exclaims in excitement.
He places it down onto the ground and tries to use it... And promptly fell over because the handlebar popped right off.
"damn it!" He cursed, as he places the handle bar back in, takes a strip of wire he found and ties it up, so that there is less of a chance for it to pop out.
Then he pushed himself forward on the scooter and arrives at his destination much quicker...
Though, he regretted it quickly, because he stumpled onto a drug deal being made under the highway bridge, in-between buildings.
There are several people with weird guns in their hands, looking at the man right now, as if the man rudely interrupted the deal. There are about 8 people there, who have two different styles of clothing.
Half of them wear formal clothing, the other half is wearing clothing that makes them look like a gang.
Just as suddenly as the pause happened, they all snapped out of it and honed their guns on the man, prompting him to hold up his arms in surrender. "Who the fuck are you, asshole!" One of them demanded.
"A local hobo," replied the man, sweating nervously.
"No shit! I am asking for a god damn-!" The person says, but gets interrupted by one of the people in formal wear, "Settle down, gentlemen. He could be a possible ally." A man with a fedora says, waving his arm to signal the lowering of weapons.
He then walks up to the big moustache-ioud fella and holds out his hand. The man introduces himself "Greetings, homeless. I am John, a major player in deal-making for the Great Honstons." The man then winces and adds "Used to be great, I should say. damn orange-haired bastard."
The man with the big moustache calmed down and took his hand. "I'm Thomas. And as I said before, I am homeless." He greets back, "I didn't mean to interrupt the deal happening here."
The man, who is named John, smiles and say "I can tell, good sir." before promptly grabbing hold of Thomas' neck and placing a pistol to his head, "Now, who the fuck sent you? Green Toppers? East-Winders? The Hunters? The High Gunners?", whilst Thomas was struggling to breath and struggling outwords "H-Hey! Hey! I don't know any of those guys-!"
"Don't fucking lie to me, bastard. Who the fuck sent you? Tell me, or I will blow your brains out." John threatens him, jabbing the barrel of the pistol to Thomas' head.
"I'm just a nobody looking for shelter! I-I saw the bridge here a-and thought that it'd be a good place to sleep at!"
John kept the gun leveled at Thomas' head for a few seconds more, before chuckling and letting him go with a shove, "Almost had you, I almost fucking had you..." Thomas turns around to look at John, in turn John says "Don't even attempt to go and-"
"DIE HUMANS!" A voice suddenly cut in, which made John yell "Shit! The Rabids are here! Everyone get behind cover! " and caused all 8 men, including Thomas, to take cover as the place got riddled with bullet holes.
Two groups of 10 masked people suddenly ran in, opening fire onto the 9 men.
John and his men were firing back from behind a vehicle that looks to be fit for a stereotypical mafia car. Whilst the other gang were taking cover behind a family wagon.
Thomas though, the ever-idiotic big moustached fellow, was hiding behind a dumpster. But it seems one of the masked people found him, as they said "Oh, look! We've got a coward. Makes my job heck of a lot easier to end your-"
But whilst the masked individual was talking, Thomas managed to get his cooking pot from his backpack and promptly smashed it in between their legs.
The masked person screams from the hit to the crotch and they try to shrug it off. But Thomas now had the oppurtunity to take the person's gun.
So, whilst the screaming and bullets wrnt on in the background, Thomas threw a punch right into the masked individuals face andbcaused them to fall over.
He took the gun, which looked like a shotgun, and aimed straight at the masked man's head, shooting and killing him.
He looked onto the firefight that was happening between the 19 and 8 people, seeing them trying to fend off the attack.
He contemplated on helping out or staying out, before muttering "Fuck it, favors from a group that doesn't want to kill me is better than trying to help a grouo who want me dead."
Thomas ran towards the car where John and his group were hiding behind and shootung back. This didn't go unnoticed by John though, "The hell? What are you still doing here! This ain't your-"
"I'm trying to get future favors! And your group seems the most friendliest between thise two!" Thomas yells back, now opening fire onto the masked group.
This caused John to laugh and say "Fair enough! Maybe we can get a drink later! my treat!" And continues shooting, which prompted Thomas to begin firing the shotgun.
Everyone kept firing, but it was still a stalemate. "Fuck! At this rate, the Blues will get here and nab us!" John yelled out, and turned to look at one of his men, "Get in the car and start her up! Or we will hit the bricks!"
The man only said "Yes sir." and opened the driver-side door and crawled in to start up the vehicle.
John turned to another man and was about to say something, but the person he was gonna order, had his head shot off. "Shit! Sniper!" John yelled, as a bullet nearly hit his head.
Thomas spotted the sniper hiding on a roof top and yelled "Up there! Near the pillar!"
This was enough to give a general sense of direction for John, so he aimed his pistol to the roof and fired, somehow managing to shoot the sniper's own head off, "Take that, you damn licker!"
John turned his head to Thomas and said "Grab the gun from the guy's body and keep shooting, dumbass! Maybe you'll hit something!" He ordered, and Thomas obliged.
Thomas took aim and fired, not hitting any of the masked people.
Finally, the car started up, which prompted John to yell "Everyone! Get the fuck in! Including you, Tom!"
Everyone rushed into the car and the driver on instinct hit the gas, jerking the car forwards.
"Hooohhh! We made it folks!" John said excitedly, then coughs to keep his composure under control and ask Thomas "So how was your first fire fight, sir?"
Thomas turned his head to look at John. He stayed silent for a while, when suddenly a blade pierced through the car roof, startling everyone.
"Shit! Huntsman!" Yelled John, "Shake the idiot off the car!" He ordered the driver, which got a grunt from the man as he began swerving left and right.
Thomas yelled "I got an idea!" and unhooked the jar from his backpack.
This prompted John to raise an eyebrow and say "What ever you are planning, I hope it works!"
"Trust me!" Thomas yelled, opening his side of the door and peering up.
He sees the huntsman holding steady onto the car and the huntsman spots him. "Stop this car, you are under arrest!" The huntsman says.
"Fuck off, You car-surfing jackass!" Thomas yelked back, throwing the jar at the huntsman.
It hid him square in the face and broke, releasing it's contents onto him and his face.
He took a second to proccess and then his face turned green. "What the fuck?! Is this PISS?!" He yelled, before falling off the car from disgust and diziness.
Thomas grabs the weird looking sword and accidentally presses a button, turning it into a bolt-action hunting rifle.
He stares at the rifle for a moment, before shrugging and pulling it out from the roof.
He sat back down in the car and vlosed the door.
John kept looking at Thomas the entire time, and asked "So... what was in the jar?"
"Natural Biological and Psychological Warfare." Thomas answered back, causing the man to raise an eyebrow.
"That means?..." He ask, waiting for Thomas to continue.
"It's piss." Thomas deadpanned, getting John to merely say "Oh."
Everyone sat in silence, until the person in the shotgun seat said "I'm all for creative use of weaponry, but that is a bit gross."
"It worked." Thomas countered, getting only a sigh as a retort.
"Please refrain from using your own piss, sir." John sighs out.
The car kept driving, as cops chased after them. "Could someone shoot their lights out?" The driver asks.
"On it." Thomas and John say at the sametime, rolling down their respective windows and start shooting at the police cars.
The sounds of gunfire could ne heard resonating through out the street. Civilians ducking and hiding from the gunfire.
A shot managed to hit a police car's driver in the head, killing them ans causing it to crash into another car and temporarily stop traffic.
"Now's our chance! turn right, through the alley!" John yells and the driver does a very harsh turn into a small alleyway.
In the alley there was a dumpster which had just enough room to let the car by, though-.
"There goes the paint job." The driver muttered, right after the car got past the dumpster with some scratches.
The front-seated passenger says "Don't worry about it. We can get the paint job done later."
The car drove into the street and then went into another alley. It then turned right, into a side area.
The driver turned off the engine and everyone waited in anticipation...
...
"I think we lost them now." Thomas says, which John nods in agreement.
"Yes, it seems so. The police aren't coming after us anymore, so they probably did lose us." John says with a smirk. Then he places his hand into his coat and takes out 200 of... somesort of currency.
"Here. For your troubles, Homeless." John said, offering Thomas the money, which Thomas gladly accepts with a "Thanks".
"No problem." John says, as Thomas exits the car, "Hey, if you are looking for a job, come over at by the bar in Steinfold Street. I run an operation there for the big man and I could use guys like you." He offers, a grin present on his face, "Hell, If you do enough jobs for me, I could find a place for you to stay, Homeless!"
John then waves his hand, "But until then, Have a nice night!" as the car starts up again and drives out and away from the alley.
Thomas looks around for a moment, before saying in frustration "Fucking shit!..." His arms move about, gesturing around him "Everything went down the shitter in my life! I ended up as a damn criminal with a gun!"
Then he sighs with a hand on his face, "The fucking hell am I gonna do now?..." He muttered in exhaustion.
Right afterwards, his eyes widened because he just remembered the PDA in his backpack.
He takes off the backpack and searches through it, then finding it and pulling ut out from the pack.
"Well, might as well check the thing out properly." He says to himself, flicking the switch up top.
Booting...
Done! Loading...
"Takes a while, doesn't it?" Thomas mutters, patiently waiting for it to load.
Welcome, [USER]!
PDA Mk. MMI - On-The-Go Mega Builder and Blueprinter. (OTGoM-BoB)
Please set name: _
"Hmm... What should I...?" Thomas mutters, rubbing his comically large moustache with his free hand.
Then he suddenly snaps his finger, "Oh, I know!" He whispers with a delighted face.
He then painstakingly typed in each letter using the keypad, which was annoying to him, but he was determined for the joke.
Please set name: BALTIMORE _
"He he he he." He chuckled, as he pressed confirm.
Are you sure? (Y/N)
"Obviously! I am of most certainess!" He states proudly and presses the confrim button again.
Welcome, BALTIMORE!
He chuckles again, as the PDA then shows a menu.
He checks every option available, which is: Fav. Blueprints; Search; Crafting; Gallery; Settings.
"Settings." Thomas mutters, selecting is and more options popped up.
He didn't care that much on remembering, so he quickly searched for user preferences, which thankfully was findable.
In the user preferences, there were many options, but he quickly chose the deviced' greeting method.
Insert new phrase: _
"Hope it takes it..." He mutters, typing in the phrase with the keypad.
Insert phrase: FUCK YOU, [USER]!_
"And, confirm." He says with a grin slowly forming on his face. "Yes." He mutters, confirming his choice.
It then showed a preview:
FUCK YOU, BALTIMORE!
This caused Thomas to laugh out loud, "Holy shit! It works! It actually fucking works! Nice!"
The PDA then got back to the main screen, and he decided to do search.
"I wonder what I could search..." He mutters, stroking his moustache again. Then stops and whispers "Let's try..."
Search Blueprint: Neptune (Hyperdimension Neptunia)_
Showing results...
"Oh, shit. I can actually build 'em?" He mutters in disbelief, checking the first option.
Thomas checks and sees that it is, in fact, showing him the character's description.
He gets a bit excited, before stopping himself and saying "Actually... better not. I don't want to dig such a big hole for my grave."
He cancels and gets kicked back into the search page, "How about..."
Search Blueprint: Clockwork Sun (Sunless Skies)_
Showing results...
"Oh, fuck no! New search! I don't wanna even see the fact that I can build it." He says with dread, and begins typing in another search.
Search Blueprint: 1957 Fiat 500 (Yellow)_
Showing results...
"Okay, I can have that iconic car then." He says, seeing the description. He chuckles at the joke about a fictional famous thief in it.
He then searched yet another thing.
Search Blueprint: The Neverhood OST - Southern Front Porch Whistler (Sheet Music)_
Showing results...
"Fucking a... I can have songs in sheet music form." He says to himself with smile, "But for now I'll focus on other things, such as collecting more scrap." He adds, shutting off the PDA and placing it back into the backpack. Then he slings the backpack onto his back and begins walking again...
So, with his recent discovery of the device, he decided to instead continue searching through trash.
The day went by rather uneventfully, from that point. He walked around, collected trash and finally he fell asleep on a rooftop again...
A/N: Hello! Hope you folks enjoyed the chapter!
And also, thankfully I didn't get the Virus! So happy days for me!...
So! Wondering where the now-named Thomas will go?... Well, not answering.
Anyways, this has been me, ddomster19 (Or Harks, if you prefer), signing off!
