A camera turned on to reveal a birds-eye view of Camp Wawanakwa, after not even a second of showing the camp, the camera flew down to a slightly short caucasian man who was wearing a dark red t-shirt with a white undershirt underneath, a pair of gray jeans, and black sneakers. He had plain black eyes and dark blond hair that waved in both directions. This man was the one and only, Piss McPain.

"Yo! We're coming at you live from Camp Wawanakwa! Somewhere in Muscocka-" Piss pressed a finger up against an earpiece he was wearing, "It's pronounced Muskoka? What a dumb name." Piss looked up to the camera, "Err uhh… we're gonna be dropping the new hottest reality show on television. Here's the deal, we had teenagers from all around the globe sign up for eight weeks right here at this amazing summer camp!" The camera moved back to show how awful everything at the summer camp looked.

"We picked the best fifteen teens to compete against each other! Here, they'll have to face the judgment of their fellow campers. After all, every three days, we'll be holding an elimination ceremony where the losing team will have to vote off one of their fellow teammates. After a contestant is voted out, they'll be forced to take the walk of shame, take the boat of losers, and leave the island for good!"

The camera cut to piss who was now in front of a bonfire, "The votes will be revealed here, at the bonfire of losers! All but one of the campers will receive a marshmallow. In the end, only one will be left standing to collect their prize of one d- one million dollars! Which, if we're being honest with each other, they'll spend all of it before they even get home. To 'survive'" Piss put up a pair of air quotes, "They'll be battling some regular old insects," The camera cut to a video of one of the cabins, which was infested with spiders, "No wild animals," The camera cut to a cave, where a grizzly bear was carrying away a knocked out intern, "Amazing camp food," The camera, instead of showing the opposite of what piss said, just had an image that said 'Image not found'.

"Lastly, and most importantly, they'll have to survive each other! We've hidden hundreds of cameras all around the campsite, that will catch every single moment of drama these kids can muster. Who will be the first to go? You'll find out right here, on…

Drama!

Island!

Total!"

Intro Start

The camera opened up to reveal a bird's eyeshot of the island, which then flew down and passed by an empty host chair.

"Mom dear doing dad." The camera ran up the cliff of camp Wawankwa.

"Guys mind on you." The camera dove into the water where Courage was looking for clues of Obama's presence.

"I be asked to you wanted what." The camera jumped out of the water, revealing Madison who was chugging the water from the ocean while on a surfboard.

"Wanna I be famous!" The camera moved over to the center of Wawankwa's forest, where Larisa was watching a deer only for Chase to scare it off with a rock.

"Close to the sun I wanna live" The camera cut to Caleb and Repsac on a raft going down the waterfall, with the former throwing holy water at the latter.

"I packed your bags, 'cause you've already won" Near the bottom of the waterfall, Caleb and Repsac passed by Kaz who was nervously treading across a broken log, only for Elodie to throw an explosive cupcake at the salaryman, launching him forward.

"Everything in my way, nothing to prove." Kaz was launched into the outhouse confessional, causing Evelyn to burst out of it.

"Get one I'll day there." The camera moved into the dining hall where Cook handed Picollo a bowl of slop, only for the clown to throw it away in disgust. Unfortunately for Picollo, when he tried to walk away he slipped on some of the slop that fell on the floor and hit his head.

"Wanna cause be famous I." The camera moved out to Sophie, who was reading a book about the history of the Simpsons on the beach, where a bird then snatched her book.

"Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaa n." The camera moved away from Sophie to show that Becky was fantasizing over a picture she took of Piss McPain, while also hitting a nearby squirrel into orbit with a baseball bat.

"Wanna I be, wanna I be, wanna be I famous!" The camera panned away from Becky and showed the boat of losers, which looked like it had been salvaged from a dump.

"Wanna I be, wanna I be, wanna be I famous!" Austin grabbed the camera to show off how fast he was, repeatedly running circles around the dock. The Manipulator ended up slipping and falling off the dock and covering the camera with water he splashed.

As the water cleared from the screen, it showed Alissa and Johnny who were about to kiss each other, only for Piss Mcpain to go between the two and punch Johnny in the face for no reason whatsoever. The intro ended with all of the contestants whistling the tune while around the bonfire.

Intro End

Piss: Welcome back to Drama Island Total, what's that? Why am I script format you ask? I don't know, let me fix that!

Piss snapped his fingers, and something changed but it was hard to tell.

"Ah, much better! Anyways, what was I doing?" Piss tapped his chin, "Oh yeah! I was gonna introduce our campers to you guys! Let me check my list…" Piss held up a clipboard with a bunch of names on it, "Mhmm… I can't read this, it's in cursive." Piss threw the clipboard away and sighed.

"I guess I'll start off small… What was I supposed to do for this guy again?" Piss pulled a book titled 'How 2 summon a magician for your reality show' out of thin air and began reading. "Start by drawing a summoning circle on the ground, then beat the ground with a hammer." Piss followed the instructions of the book and beat the summoning circle he drew on the ground with a hammer that he, again, pulled out of nowhere.

"After completing steps one and two it's time to move onto step three: Set the dock your currently standing on top of on fire. Hmm, that sounds reasonable enough!" Piss pulled out a gasoline can and a lighter and then proceeded to douse the dock in gas before dropping the lighter on it.

A massive explosion engulfed the dock, when the smoke from the explosion cleared, it revealed that Piss was somehow not burned from it. The host flipped through the book, constantly completing task after task. After a good five minutes, he finally reached the final step.

"Alright for the last part, 'You didn't have to do any of that, just say Picollo dumbass'. Alrighty then! Picollo!" Piss shouted at the top of his lungs.

The exact moment that Piss said the name, a skinny 5'1" man with white body paint suddenly popped into existence in front of him. He was wearing an odd outfit, to say the least, after all, it was a pink, yellow, and blue clown outfit with huge red shoes. The outfit was, of course, complete with a rainbow afro wig and a red nose. His brown eyes showed pure confusion about where he was. This man was Giuseppe 'Picollo' Bilancia, who would have guessed.

"Ah! Where am I!?" Picollo said as he pinched himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming, "Who the hell are you?"

"I'm Piss McPain and you're on Drama Island Total! You know, the show you signed up for?" Piss gave a smirk to Picollo.

Picollo looked around the area, "Wow… it looks just as awful as it did in the pictures. Please tell me this is some cruel joke." Picollo sighed.

"Nope! Now go over to that end of the dock, clown boy!" Piss pointed to the end of the doc as Picollo mumbled something about Piss under his breath.

"Piss McPain!" A female voice shouted out, Piss looked over to the water, where he saw something way off in the distance. He pulled out a pair of binoculars and looked through them to find out that a 5'11" thin caucasian girl was running on top of the water, getting closer and closer each second. The girl had blond hair and blue eyes, which complemented well with her yellow jacket, with a pink shirt underneath, she also was wearing a pair of blue jeans with a black belt with a pink heart buckle on it. Lastly, she was wearing a pair of white tennis shoes. Her name was Becky Collins

"Well, looks like the second contestant is on their way!" Piss McPain gave a wide smile, "And it's the best contestant too!"

Picollo's jaw dropped at the sight, "What the hell?" The clown felt a sense of dread as the girl ran closer and closer.

Becky finally reached Piss on the dock, "OhmygodPissIfinallygettomeetyouImsoexcitedeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

Piss grinned, "Yep, the best one by far!"

"Oh my god, I've seen all your movies, even the ones where you're just an extra in the background. But don't worry, you're still my favorite in those movies too!" Becky jumped with excitement. "Oh, and I also took out the faker guy who tried to impersonate you!"

Almost immediately, the camera cut to the inside of Becky's basement, where a man who looked exactly like Piss, safe for his black hair, bluish-green shirt, and his beige pants. He was tied to a chair and looked like he had been hit by a baseball bat a few times. The camera cut back to Piss and Becky, "He won't be impersonating you anymore!" Becky giggled, "I made sure of it!"

"Alright, can you go sit over there with the saddest clown in the world?" Piss pointed to Picollo, who rolled his eyes in response.

"Of course!" Becky pranced over to Picollo.

A horn rang out from far out in the water, upon investigation of the noise, it was clear that the honk came from a boat that was… odd to say the least. The boat was covered head to toe in drawings of crosses, and there were sheets of iron attached to it's side. On top of the boat, was a 5'3" Métis gender-fluid 'boy' with almond skin. His eyes were a honey brown that contrasted well with his messy dark brown hair. He was wearing a jean vest over top of a gray sweatshirt, along with a pair of black jeans and army boots, he also was wearing a messenger bag. When he finally made it to the island, it was shown that he had a pair of gold earrings on his ears, and freckles on his face.

He stepped off the boat and held up a device, which was clearly just an old radio that was stuck beeping, "Huh," he said to himself, "I guess my ghost detector isn't catching anything, but my clown detector," The boy held up another radio that was beeping hard, "That's going off the charts." The boy looked over and saw Picollo, "Oh."

Piss greeted the boy, "Ah! Caleb Bau, is it? Welcome to Drama Island Total!"

"Wouldn't Total Drama Island be a better name?" Caleb looked confused, "Drama Island Total doesn't really mean much."

"No, that name sounds pretty stupid. Now go over to the other end of the dock!" Piss pointed to Becky and Picollo.

"Why is it on fire?" Caleb looked concerned about the still-burning dock.

"Because it is, now get on the other side!" Piss pushed Caleb forward.

"Looks like I'm a bit late to the party!" A shout came from the distance, "I was really looking forward to meeting some people." The voice came from a 5'5" pale plus-size girl. She was wearing a pretty simple outfit, as it was only a blue tank top that showed off her belly, black shorts, and black sandals. She had short blond hair that only reached her neck and green eyes. Clearly, this girl was Madison Jenkins. Oh, and I guess she was also holding a sandwich that she was devouring, along with a plate of sandwiches.

"Welcome Madison!" Piss exclaimed before seeing she may or may not have had a sandwich and a plate of them. "Uh, no outside food is permitted!"

"Aw really?" Maddie whined, "I wanted to savor this, oh well." Maddie dumped the plate into her mouth and ate all of the sandwiches in one bite.

Piss stood in pure awe at the sight of Maddie eating all of the sandwiches, "Errr, uh, go to the other end of the dock."

"Okay!" Maddie replied enthusiastically, heading to the other side of the dock.

"And me?" A voice came from behind Piss.

"Ah!" Piss jumped back in surprise, "Oh… Repsac Prickle… it's just you. Jesus man, you almost gave me a heart attack!"

"And you would've given me a heart attack if you did that to Piss!" Becky cried.

"Sorry." Repsac said, as the camera turned to face him it was revealed that he was only wearing a white sheet with eye holes in it, he seemed to be wearing contacts because the normally white part of his eyes were black, but the rest was naturally black. He also had a bit of makeup around his eyes to make his eyes look like pure darkness. He might've been wearing something beneath the sheet, but it was impossible to tell because he was covered head to toe with it. The only thing you could tell about Repsac was that he was exactly 6'0" tall.

"Can you just… go to the other end of the dock please?" Piss sighed as Repsac walked over to the opposite end.

Caleb gasped as his ghost detector started beeping harder. "Aha! I knew ghosts were real!" He quickly pulled out a water gun. "And ghosts don't do well with holy water! I'll take care of this!" He started spraying Repsac with the water.

"I'm a special ghost," Repsac stood still while being hit by the water, "That doesn't work on me."

"Ah!" Caleb jumped back in fear, "What kind of ghost are you?"

"Spookums." Repsac simply responded with.

"So are you a real ghost?" Maddie looked at Repsac with excitement, "Or is that just a costume?"

"Obviously it's a costume!" Picollo face-palmed, "God, you guys are clowns yet I'm the one wearing the makeup! Seriously, though, what made you…" Picollo stopped for a second, "Is that Barack Obama?" Picollo pointed to the other end of the dock.

The camera turned to reveal a giant yacht, with the Former President of the United States Barack Obama standing in front of it.

"Cwose but no cigaw, my fwiend!" Obama shouted over to Picollo, before ripping his suit and skin off. The campers looked away in horror, except for Repsac, until they realized that it was actually just a 5'3" agender and pale-skinned person who had gray eyes and a weird hairstyle… seriously, it was all black and long but the right half was shaved and the left half went down and covered their eye. Without a doubt, this was Courage Lastname.

"I'm so happy tuwu be hewe, i heawd my owne twue wove Fowmew Pwesident of the United States Bawack Obwama was hanging awound hewe!" Courage gave a cute smile, "He cawn't avoid me fowevew, he'ww eventuawwy have tuwu confess hiws wove tuwu me!" The final bits of the now shredded suit fell off of Courage's body, revealing that they had a very skinny body and that they were wearing an off the shoulder, oversized hot pink and dark purple striped sweater, a fishing stocking on their right leg, and dark grey knee-high socks on their left. No, they were not wearing shoes!

"What a way to make an entrance, Courage!" Piss held a hand up to his head, "I heard that Obama was over there on the dock, so you should check!" Piss grinned as the other contestants got pounced on by Courage.

"Obwama iws hewe? Whewe, I down't see him." Courage got off the other campers, "Piss, uwu wouwdn't wie tuwu me abouwt obama being hewe wouwd uwu? "If uwu did, I'd have tuwu commit a waw cwime own uwu, awnd we wouwdn't wawnt thawt hehe!"

"No…" Piss gulped, "I'm pretty sure he's here."

Becky saw Piss acting nervous and immediately got in front of Courage, "Hey! You leave my future husband alone!" Becky pulled a baseball bat out of thin air.

"Hey, no fighting!" Maddie got between the two to avoid conflict.

"I dunno," Picollo scratched his chin, "It might be a good way of proving if they're worthy of being on this show or not."

"If it's proof you want, then it's proof you'll get hahaha!" A voice rang out from the arriving end at the dock. Something was off, however, the boat that the contestant arrived on was completely devoid of anyone riding it, until suddenly, a smoke bomb came from in front of the boat, revealing a 5'9" caucasian girl. "Elodie Jane's the name, a pleasure to meet ya!" Elodie held out a cupcake that enlarged itself and exploded into a message that said 'hello' in frosting.

Elodie's appearance suggested that she didn't like showing skin, as she was wearing a white long-sleeved shirt and a purple skirt that covered her knees, white socks that go up to her knees, and black shoes to finish it off. Her long brown hair was partially covered by an orange beret, and her pale blue eyes were covered by bronze-framed goggles that were tinted black.

"Ah, Elodie! So glad you could make it!" Piss smiled, "How about you go help break up that fight over there?"

"Um, not really my forte, but alright…" Elodie walked over to the end of the dock.

Another boat had arrived, except this one smashed into Elodie's, not that the person driving cared to notice, he was too busy reading a playboy magazine. The man driving the boat was really tall, easily the tallest of the cast, as he was a 6'6" giant who was… really attractive, hot damn… He was very muscular and had long flowing white hair. His green eyes, while attractive, also suggested he was a lot sinister than he let on. His outfit succeeded with simplicity as it was only a gray wiki shirt, blue jeans, and brown flip-flops.

"Yo, Jonathan Rosewood! Get down here!" Piss shouted to Johnny, as the flirtatious boy flipped through his magazine, he finally noticed that Piss was shouting at him and immediately looked at the female contestants. He quickly compared the females to the ones in his magazine and threw it away in annoyance. "Oh come on! I was promised hot chicks, and I don't see a single one here!"

"Welp, sometimes you gotta remember that advertisements aren't always true, now go over to the end of the dock you crazy kid!" Piss pointed to where the other contestants were.

"This place is a dump and there's no hot girls, what a rip!" Johnny mumbled to himself as he passed by Piss.

Suddenly a weak honk came from the dock, where a very very broken down boat was sitting. The boat looked like it could fall apart and seriously injure someone at any moment. A 5'6" plus size lightly tanned girl skipped off the boat, not caring about the danger. Her hair went down to her shoulders and it was dyed blond. She had an excited pair of green eyes. Her outfit was very simple, as it was just an orange jacket, black yoga pants, and white shoes.

"Alissa Dustiness! Good to se-"

Alissa shook Piss' hand super hard, "So, can you, like, hurt yourself pretty bad on this island?" Alissa shook excitedly.

"Uh, if you tried hard enough you probably could."

"Perfect!" Alissa jumped in the air, "I can't wait to see what happens…" Alissa held her chest, creeping out some of the contestants

"You want to get hurt?" Picollo's jaw dropped, "Why on earth would you want that?"

"Because it's super fun!" Alissa's eyes widened at the sight of Becky's baseball bat, "Ooo, can you bonk me over the head with that!" Alissa dropped the ground, "Pretty please with a cherry on top of a sundae?"

"You guy's can decide that later," Piss moved Alissa over to the dock, "But right now we gotta wait for the rest of the contestants."

"Hey, jus' a lidl help ovher hair?" A voice came from way off in the distance, turning to face the voice, Piss was met with a skinny 5'0" slightly pale teenager who was on a raft instead of a boat, suggesting that he came from a poor family. Piss reached his arm out and somehow pulled the boy's raft right up to the dock, showing off that this boy was Austin Texan. Austin's brown hair was slicked back with tons of hair gel and his green eyes were very calm. Austin was wearing an orange shirt over top a white undershirt combined with a pair of black shorts, white shin-high socks, and black shoes. Austin seemed to take his last name a bit too seriously as he was also rocking a brown cowboy hat. Also, if you were very astute, you'd notice that Austin was also wearing contact lenses.

"Thank ya maah dar host, ahm eternally in yo-wr servahces!" Austin lifted up his hat and did a slight bow to Piss.

"I have no idea what you just said, but could you go over to the rest of the campers over there?" Piss motioned to the rest of the contestants.

"Yesuhree! ah kay-yun do jus' that an more!" Austin skipped over to the others, "How ahr y'all doin' awn this faahn day?"

"I wike thiws guy, he tawks vewy funny!" Courage laughed while looking at Austin.

"Tawking funny? Excuse me, ah don't tawk funny 'tall!" Austin looked annoyed at Courage's comment, "Ifin' anything, ya're thuh one who tawks funny, ain't that right?"

"And it looks like Larisa Záitsev is now here!" Piss got everyone's attention by pointing out the contestant who was now hiding back on her boat. "Oh come on get out here!" Piss shouted out to Larisa who was still hiding, eventually revealing herself to be the shortest of the cast, standing in at 4'11", Larisa had a slightly skinny build to her and fair skin. Her black eyes expressed nothing other than pure fear and her brown hair was kept into a neat ponytail with a red bow. She had a very fake-looking smile on her face as she slowly walked out from the boat. The further she got off the boat, the more it revealed her outfit, a very simple one, only consisting of a light blue sweater, a yellow skirt, and a yellow pair of shoes.

Larisa was almost off the boat when she suddenly tripped and started to fall face-first to the dock. The shy girl managed to save herself from an injury by changing her fall into a cartwheel and then a handstand, only for her to realize that she had just garnered everyone else's attention.

"Now this gal looks like thuh perfect reeval for me! Wooee ah'll tell ya!" Austin clapped for Larisa who simply buried her face into her sweater. Larisa let out a soft 'no' as she walked towards Piss.

"Larisa! Welcome to the island!" Piss held out a hand, but she simply gave a weak thumbs up instead.

"Oh, you don't like it when people pay attention to you huh?" Piss pulled out a megaphone, "So, just to be clear, you don't like it when people's attention is drawn to you, am I right? I just want to be clear!"

Larisa shook her head yes as she walked to the rest of the contestants, though she did leave a fairly large amount of space between them.

As Larisa walked away, the twelfth contestant finally arrived… via cheap, broken down, car somehow. The person got out of the car to reveal that they were the exact opposite of a teenager, no, they were actually a fifty-four-year-old male. The man stood pretty short, only being 5'0" in height with a skinny body and pale skin. This guy wasn't even trying to hide the fact that he wasn't a teenager, as his hair was black on top but white on both sides. His hazel eyes appeared to be very tired and frightened at the same time. After fully getting out of the car, it was revealed that he was wearing a blue suit and tie with black shoes.

Austin stared at the man with wide eyes, "Holy shit! sumone check that guy's buhrth certificate, ah'm purty syhaw we done went ta college together!"

The rest of the contestants shared Austin's shock, as it was very obvious that the new guy here was older than allowed.

"Kaz Yasuda! You're looking sharp my man!" Piss high-fived the adult male, "How about you go wait with those guys over there?"

Kaz turned over to the contestants, "Well, how do you do, fellow kids? I think I popped a majorly wicked wheelie on the way here!"

The exact second Kaz said that sentence, every contestant, barring Larisa and Repsac, burst into pure laughter at the old man.

"Oh, Jesus Christ!" Johnny laughed, "This is pure gold!"

"Hey, you're acting pretty sus right now sir!" Kaz weakly said.

"Sus!?" Johnny laughed so hard that he fell off the dock.

"I'll just… go over here." Kaz looked embarrassed as he walked to the edge of the dock.

Johnny hopped out of the water, still laughing, "Oh, it can't get any better than this!"

Suddenly, the once cheerful-looking sunny sky went away, as everything turned super dark and stormy. A new all-black boat came forward, and this boat was carrying someone who you couldn't make out from far away. As the boat got closer, you could hear a voice… no a song playing, "When I was…" The boat inched closer, "A young boy…" The boat was about halfway to the dock, "My father…" The figure on top of the boat startled to become clear, "Took me into the city…" You could now make out the figure on the boat was a 5'3" lightly-tanned, skinny girl was on the top of the boat, "To see a marching band…" You could see now that she was wearing a leather one-piece suit and a checkered red and white sleeveless vest over top of it, but it was still hard to make out some features, "He said, 'son when... you grow up… would you be the savior of the broken… the beaten and the damned?'" Since the boat was almost there, you could now see the girl on the boat was wearing a striped black and white sleeveless gloves, and that her black hair had jagged bangs over her eyes and the rest of it combed backward, "'Because one day… I leave you… a phantom… to lead you in the summer… to join the black parade…" The girl and her boat were now only about a minute away from the island, and it was finally possible to see that her hair had some strands of it dyed purple and that she was wearing a black moon necklace, "When I was... a young boy… my father... took me into the city… to see a marching band… he said 'son when… you grow up… would you be… the savior of the broken… the beaten and the damned…?"

The girl's boat had finally arrived, she hopped off it only to sigh at the sight of her fellow campers, "So many posers… I was hoping for a way out when I signed up for this show…"

"Ah! Evelyn Veronnica Piertonne! Uhh… good way to make a first impression?" Piss looked at Evelyn who sighed again.

"It's Raven… not Evelyn…" Raven walked by Piss, accidentally cutting his arm while she did it.

"Ow!" Piss grabbed his arm, "Stupid edge…"

"Jesus this place is a dump," A new voice started, "It looked bad in the pictures but I didn't think it was this awful." A 5'1" pale boy sighed as he held up his luggage. He was very scrawny and had a very short blond haircut. His blue eyes looked annoyed at the area he'd be staying in for who knows how long. The boy was wearing a pair of black sneakers, with blue farmer jeans, and a dark brown t-shirt and hoodie combo. His name was Chase Walker.

"Ugh," Chase pointed at the female contestants, "Ugly, fat, what is that thing, passable, fat, too short, and too edgy. How nice," Chase facepalmed, "Ok, take me home please." Chase turned back to his ride only for it to leave without him. "Oh great, I'm on a dump of an island with a bunch of ugly chicks."

"Heya Chase looks like you're down on your luck right now!" Piss held a hand out to Chase, who promptly rolled his eyes.

"This million-dollar prize better be worth it!" Chase growled, "I don't wanna waste my time staying here for nothing!"

Piss nervously chuckled, "Hehe, yeah… the million dollars… it's a very good prize indeed! Uh, could you go over to the other end of the dock please?"

"Alright." Chase joined up with the other contestants.

"Greetings." Repsac waved with his sheet.

"Aaaand there's a ghost," Chase groaned, "I'm not getting paid enough for this."

The final contestant had made her way via a Homer Simpson shaped boat, obviously, this final contestant was Sophie Simpsons… Errr…. She was Sophie Simmons. She was reading a book about the creator of this Simpson as she approached the island. After making it to the island, she closed the book and got up. She was a 5'3" skinny girl with fair skin. Her attire directly copied Bart Simpsons', being an orange t-shirt, blue shorts, and blue sneakers. Lastly, she had brown eyes and black braided hair.

"Sophie, congrats! You're the last contestant to arrive!" Piss clapped for Sophie, who in turn walked by him, "Ok, that was rude."

Sophie went over to the rest of the contestants, "Hey." She waved before going back to her book.

"Well, now that you guys are all here, I'd like to get a cast photo of all of you before you head off to your cabins." Piss held out a camera.

A couple of the contestants groaned as they huddled together for the picture, "Alright just stand really still for this…" Piss pressed the camera button, only for nothing to happen. "Oops, I left the lens cap on, but you guys don't seem to really mind."

"Please hurry this up." Picollo was fighting himself from frowning, "I can't hold this face forever."

"You know this reminds me of a story when I was younger," Piss unscrewed the cap, "Now how did it go again?"

"Um, could you please tell us your story after the photo, I can't feel my mouth anymore." Kaz grabbed his face.

"Oh yeah, it was about me taking a group picture on a different dock and the dock collapsing beneath them," Just as Piss said that the dock fell and released all of the contestants into the water below, Piss still took the picture anyway. "Wow, you guys look terrible! Anywho, we're at the bonfire now!"

"Wait what?" Maddie got up, only to realize that she and the other campers were now around a bonfire."

"This is Camp Wawankwa! Your beautiful home for the next eight weeks! You'll shortly be put into teams and those will be your cabin-mates. The person who can stay here the longest gets a beautiful cash prize!"

"Wait ahr thuh cabins unisex? Because if naht, that maahyt git awkward." Austin raised his hand.

"Nope, there are two rooms in each cabin. If you want to divide on gender, you're free to do that." Piss replied, "Now here's the dealio, I'm gonna split you guys up into three teams-"

"Three?" Caleb raised an eyebrow, "Five people per team is pretty small, n-" Becky hit Caleb over the head with a baseball bat, "Don't ever interrupt our lord and savior Piss McPain again!"

Caleb weakly held a thumb up, "Point taken…"

"Thanks for that Becky! Like I was saying, there will be three teams of five. When I call your name, it's your job to group up with you new team members."

Sophie looked around at her fellow cast members, "I think I'm fine by myself."

Johnny held his arms behind his back, "I hope I get placed on a team of all girls."

"No, that's my dream team!" Chase got up, "Get your own harem!"

"Uh buddy, unlike you, I got the looks to back up wanting a girl. No offense, but you're one of the ugliest guys I've ever met in my life, like Jesus Christ."

"Alright, I'm gonna announce the teams now! Elodie, Sophie, Courage, Becky, and Alissa, I dub you five 'Team DereDereDere'!" The five grouped together and a beautiful hot pink logo with a silhouette of an anime girl and sparks appeared over the four girls plus Courage. The five were taken aback by the logo.

"Woah that looks really good!" Becky smiled, "Not that I'd expect anything less from Piss McPain!"

"Oh come one!" Both Johnny and Chase complained, "I should replace Courage on that team!" They both noticed each other saying the same thing and turned to face each other, "No, I should be on that team, not you!"

"Now for the second team, Kaz, Austin, Johnny, Picollo, and Chase, you five are gonna be hereby known as, 'Team Beta Male'!" The five gathered together and a purple logo appeared above them. This logo looked awful, as the editor didn't make it transparent and it was a poorly drawn purple circle with a picture of some teenager in a hoodie and beanie attached to it. To add insult to injury, a sad trombone sound effect played.

"Uh… That looks pretty bad, I'm not gonna lie…" Kaz winced at the sight of his team's logo.

"Ok, three things wrong here!" Picollo held up his hand, "One, this logo looks awful! Two, why are we the 'Beta Males'? And three, why do I have to be on a team with the two perverts who never stop arguing?"

"Ah'm gonna 'ave t' agree with Picollo, this ain't a dreadfully daisy lookin' team." Austin scratched his head.

"Too bad, so sad!" Piss shrugged, "Now for the rest of you guys! Caleb, Repsac, Larisa, Raven, and Madison, you five are now 'Team We Needed a Third One'!" The remaining campers gathered together as a light blue logo that looked very bad. It was just a very poorly drawn circle with the team's name written in it.

"How quaint." Repsac looked up at the logo.

"Aw come on, why is DereDereDere's logo so good but ours is bad?" Madison asked.

"Cause we spent all the budget on DereDereDere's, sucks for you guys, you got the short end of the stick. On a more important note…"

Confessional: Piss

"You will be able to use these confessional to share your deepest and darkest secrets to the audience!"

Confessional Over

Confessional: Picollo

Picollo pinched his nose, "Ugh, it smells awful in here!"

Confessional Over

Confessional: Elodie

"I think I can rock this show," Elodie got up, "I mean, it's not like there's any competition."

Confessional Over

"Now that all of that is out of the way, any questions? No?" Piss pointed over to the forest, "The Cabins are that-a-way and it's first come first serve for teams!"


The camera cut to Team Beta Male, where Johnny and Chase were still arguing.

"Oh button, those theyer two ahr gettin' along dreadfully poorly!" Austin covered his ears, "Ah reckon, that we done split uhp from 'em"

"Agreed." Kaz started to head off deeper into the forest, "Besides, it'll only take one of us to pick a cabin."

Confessional: Austin

"Oh my god," Austin held the bridge of his nose, "Talking like a stupid cowboy is so tiresome, good thing it's working."

Confessional Over

"You're stupid!" Chase shouted to Johnny.

"No, you're stupid!" Johnny replied.

"Like I'm gonna take insults from some wannabe pretty boy!" Chase stomped his foot.

"Oh yeah, well at least I can reach the top shelf!" Johnny shouted at the thief.

"That's it! Nobody insults my height! Five foot one is the sexiest of all heights!" Chase tried to jump onto Johnny, but was easily subdued by the bigger and stronger male.

"I'm the alpha male on this team of betas, don't even try that!" Johnny threw Chase to the ground.

"You know what," Chase brushed himself off, "I hope you get lost in the woods while I find our cabin!"

"Nuh uh! You're gonna get lost in the woods while I find our Cabin!" Johnny stormed off into the woods, with Chase going in the opposite direction.


"I think the cabins are that way," Alissa pointed to a spot in the woods.

"I bet thawt mistew obwama iws thewe UwU." Courage smiled before bolting off into the woods.

"Piss definitely put the cabins there," Becky followed Courage, "I know a lot about the host, and that's one thing he'd definitely do!"

Sophie gave a thumbs up while reading a different book about the simpsons.

"When we get there," Elodie started, "We gotta pick the cleanest cabin! I need space for my baking!"

Sophie shook her head 'yes' while reading her book.

"Hey guys! I cawn see iwt ovew hewe!" Courage shouted while running to three cabins that we're just in the distance.

"I knew Piss wouldn't lie to me!" Becky skipped to the three cabins, she and Courage stopped to let the other three catch up with them.

Alissa opened the first door, revealing the spider-infested cabin, "Oooh! Let's pick this one, it's perfect!"

"No!" Becky, Sophie, and Elodie all shouted at the same time.

"How abouwt thiws owne?" Courage pointed to a cabin that was dusty, but very spacious.

"Perfect," Elodie grabbed her beret, "We're already off to a great start!"


"We didn't get first?" Kaz said while running up to the cabins and seeing DereDereDere there.

"Damn," Picollo caught his breath, "Now we have to pick between two bad ones don't, we?"

Indeed they did, as the two cabin choices they had were A: The spider-infested cabin, or B: A cabin that was so messy it looked like it didn't even know the meaning of the word clean."

"We gonna 'ave ta pick thuh messier cabin, a mess is way beder than a god dang infestation!" Austin held open the door to the messy cabin, where Kaz and Picollo entered.

"Hey!" Two voices rang out from the woods. "Tell me I beat that asshole!" Johnny and Chase both ran out of the woods, they stopped when they saw each other and decided to point at each other and shout, "How did you get here?"

Team We Needed a Third One was not doing so hot, as Repsac kept getting stuck on stray treebranches, and they kept losing sight of Larisa.

"Hey! I see the cabins!" Maddie joyfully shouted, "But it looks like the other teams made it there first… let's hope that we don't get too bad a cabin."

"I'm stuck." Repsac said as he pulled on his sheet and took it off a branch, "Nevermind."

"Hey, where's Larisa?" Caleb looked around, Larisa was, once again, out of sight.

The camera cut to Larisa who was outside of a shed that she had found way off on the eastern side of the island, she opened the door and was confused by the sight. Inside was a tall caucasian man with black hair. He was wearing a lab coat, so it seemed that he was a scientist of some sort. But what was really weird was that he was surrounded by multiple giant tubes that each had a copy of Former President of the United States Barack Obama in them. The man turned around slowly and glared at Larisa, who slowly closed the door in pure confusion.


The camera cut back to Team We Needed a Third One, where they had just reached the cabins. They opened the door to their cabin and looked in horror as they watched millions of spiders crawl out. Well, except for Repsac, who went into the cabin, jumped on a top bunk and softly said, "Comfy."

"Those posers took the best cabins!" Raven slammed her foot on the ground.

"I think I'll take my chances sleeping outside," Caleb walked away from the cabins, "I'd rather get eaten by wolves than be eaten by spiders."

"Don't worry about wolves, Caleb! If they try to attack us, I'll eat them for you!" Maddie smiled.

"What?" Caleb titled his head, before heading off to look for a comfy tree to sit on.

Piss' voice came from who knows where, "Attention campers, please report to the cafeteria for breakfast today! If you don't show up in the next two and a half minutes, you don't get to eat!"

With that, all of the campers rushed their way to the cafeteria, luckily for them, everyone made it on time, though Larisa cut it close by a few seconds. The campers all lined up inside the cafeteria, where a skinny 5'2" African American boy was handing out slop on each of their trays, much to the disgust of them all, well, except Repsac and Courage. The boy was wearing a pretty generic-looking white chef's uniform with black boots and a name tag that read 'Cook'. He had soft blue eyes that looked dead, and a buzz cut for his brown hair.

"Have a nice day!" Cook smiled to the contestants as they received their slop from him, most of them gagged in disgust or gave a fake smile of appreciation, and Courage was building a sculpture of Obama out of her slop.

Piccolo approached Cook, "Uh who are you supposed to be?" Picollo sneered while grabbing a tray.

"Well, I'm Cook! The residential che-" Cook noticed the camera wasn't facing him, so he grabbed Picollo close to him, "Please help me, they took me from my home and they said they'd hurt my family if I didn't cook for the sho-" Cook noticed the camera turn back to him, causing him to drop a pile of slop onto Picollo's tray "Have a nice day!" Cook gave a wide smile to the clown, before breaking down crying and whispering "please help me" as the camera turned away

The clown looked at Cook in confusion before heading off to sit with the other members of Team Beta Male, not that they were all that interested in him, after all, Chase and Johnny were ignoring each other, Kaz was actually handling the food pretty well, and Austin was banging his head on the table.

"What are you doing?" Picollo looked at Austin in confusion.

"Ah do reckon ifin' ah slam maah head awn this table enough times, ah'll 'ave gone up in smoke all awf thuh senses in maah body eend maahyt actually enjoy thuh meal." Austin resumed to slamming his head on the table eventually hitting himself hard enough that he started spinning, "Woah thair mama ah ain't jus' ready ta gitty-up ta bed yet!"

"No way I'm eating this," Johnny held up the slop he was given and watched it fall, "Let's eat rats instead."

"It's really not that bad," Kaz chowed down the slop, "Then again, I can't remember having a meal that wasn't beer and tv dinners so maybe I'm not a good opinion for this."

"Dude, just go home to your wife and kids Jesus." Picollo looked at Kaz with concern.

"I would if they loved me." Kaz ate another bite of slop.


"Woah Repsac, slow down!" Caleb shouted as Repsac devoured the slop in seconds, even Maddie looked slow in comparison to the ghost.

Repsac gave a small burp, "More please."

"No seconds," Cook replied to Repsac, "Unless you help me escape, please help me, dear God."

Repsac sighed before looking at Larisa who hadn't touched her food, "You gonna finish that?"

Larisa handed Repsac the plate before laying her head down on the table.

"I can't believe the poser they hired to make this food, what was forced here against his will or something?" Evelyn gagged on a bit of the slop.

"Yes!" A shout came from the kitchen, startling the campers.

"Anyways," Caleb begrudgingly chewed on some of his slop, "Who do you think is going first?"

"Probably that Obama-obsessed person." Maddie had just finished her bowl, "She seems a bit unstable for her team."


"Awnd then Mw. Obwama awnd Mx. Obwama, thawt's me by the way, wiww have exactwy seventy-thwee chiwdwen, aww of which wiww be named Obwama." Courage acted out a married couple with two forks.

"That's nice," Alissa gave a smile, "I hope you find Obama."

"Uwu down't need tuwu hope fow me, cuz i know he's hewe!" Courage got up, "He's juwst hiding vewy weww"

Becky was pretty adamant about eating her slop, "Wow, Piss only picks the best chefs in the world doesn't he. This is the best thing I've ever eaten."

Sophie simply stared at Becky dumbfounded, "Is she serious?" was all she could think.

Elodie threw away her slop, "I'm glad one of us can enjoy this," She winced, "That tasted awful."

Piss' voice again came from who knows where, "Guess what time it is? Time for your first ever challenge on Drama Island Total! It's a good thing you guys are already on the cliff we're supposed to regroup at!"

"What are you-" Madison looked around, they were on the cliff somehow, "How did you do that again?"

"That's not important!" Piss appeared from behind Madison, "What's important is your challenge for the day! You guys will have to jump off this cliff and into the waters below, the shark infested waters… heh heh… but don't worry, there is a safe zone!" The camera cut to a very small circle in the center of a bigger circle, "We're ninety percent sure it's safe, after all, we only lost twelve interns to it." The contestants gulped at the thought, "You can choose not to jump, but you'll instead have to wear this chicken hat and be made fun of by your peers for not growing a pair. Now that that's out of the way, Team Beta Male, you guys are up!"

Chase gulped as he looked down to the water, "Uh… anyone wanna go first?"

"Aw, can the short tough guy not handle a dip in the water?" Johnny mocked Chase.

"You go first then!" Chase barked at Johnny.

"Nah, I gotta make sure it's actually survivable first, I'm not stupid enough to jump into shark-infested waters."

"So why do you want me to jump into it?" Chase shook Johnny.

Before Johnny could reply, the sound of Kaz yelling interrupted him. Chase and Johnny looked over to see Kaz going full speed and jumping off the cliff.

"Damn, I figured the guy was suicidal, but I didn't think he was gonna try this early!" Chase stared blankly at where Kaz jumped.

"Don't worry guys, I'm ok!" Kaz's voice rang out from the bottom of the cliff.

Picollo gulped, "Well, if it's safe…" The clown shakily headed to jump off the cliff. After going back a few steps, Picollo bolted off of the cliff, unfortunately for the Clown, however, he overshot his jump way too much, and he ended up missing the two circles… Nope, he instead landed facefirst on a giant rock that was sticking out.

"Ooo! You hate to see that happen!" Piss winced as Picollo let out a very weak 'Ow'.

"Oh, I wish that was me!" Alissa crossed her arms in envy.

"You good Picollo?" Piss shouted down to Picollo who barely managed to let out a 'no'.

"Hmm, call me crazy, but I think our clown friend just broke every bone in his body. Oh well," Piss snapped his fingers, causing a medical boat to appear, "Sometimes you just can't avoid an injury." Two medics on the boat picked up Picollo and took him away, causing all of the remaining contestants on the cliff to gulp in fear, "Now… who's next?"

Oof, 1 down and 14 to go. I, uh, am not really sure what I should add to this author's note, other than this season is really fun to write and I hope it's at least gotten you to smile. Uhhh: I'm gonna pass the author note to GP now.

GP: Hey hi hello. Since this is mostly intros and such, I don't really have a lot to say. This season's pretty humorous and I'm hoping that shows. I'm hoping you all enjoyed the episode and I hope we got your characters accurate. (Fresh: Well, as accurate as they can be in a comedy season)


The reasoning for Elimination: We thought it would be funny to eliminate someone before the episode even ended.


Teams:

Team DereDereDere: Alissa, Becky, Courage, Elodie, Sophie

Team Beta Male: Austin, Chase, Johnny, Kaz

Team We Needed a Third One: Caleb, Evelyn, Larisa, Madison, Repsac


Vote Tally:

Picollo: Random ass rock

Elimination Order:

15th ~ Giuseppe Bilancia "Picollo" - The Clown (lordgemini)