Sometimes things are quiet. Too quiet. Like "it feels kinda sus that nothing bad is happening to me right now" quiet. And now was one of those times. So I decided I was going to fix it. If trouble wasn't going to come to me, then I was going to create trouble. No one could be my problem if I was busy being someone else's problem. And that was my excuse for why this happened.
I'd like to think it was a decent excuse.
I ended up in the mall with Zelda and Shiki again. Yes, that mall. But I wasn't about to get in trouble with the department store for the massive amount of merchandise I destroyed that one time, because Zelda had paid them the cost of all that merchandise and then some. So it seemed safe enough to go back to that mall. At least for now. Because I was inevitably going to fuck shit up again.
In the meantime, I couldn't help but wonder why Yumi wasn't here. I really, really wanted Zelda and Yumi to get together as a couple, so if Yumi were here, I could try to do something to nudge them in that direction. But for some reason, Zelda didn't even invite her own crush to go with her to the mall. Weird.
"That's exactly why I didn't invite her, you little..." Zelda's voice popped into my mind.
"Little what?" I asked her in my head.
"You know what you are. You pest."
Me, the pest? She was the one who was always butting into my brain.
We were in the food court getting snacks when I noticed someone else waving to me, beckoning me over. Murasaki, Imu, and Ryobi. Part of me tensed up, but then I remembered Imu and I were on good terms now. But would the other Gessen students and Hebijo students be able to get along, given the fact that they basically tried to kill each other in the past? Although... the more I thought about it, the more it felt like everyone here had tried to kill each other at some point, and then was able to just move on like it never happened. Shinobi relationships are weird.
"You didn't tell me you would be here," Murasaki said, pouting at me as she clutched Bebe-tan.
I shrugged, hoping that would convey to her that I didn't exactly know I was going to be here either. It was just kind of a thing that happened on a whim. But I beckoned back to her, doing my best to indicate that I wanted her group of friends and mine to all hang out together as one big group. I pulled my phone out and started typing a message to her too.
"It's nice to see you come out and be social more often now," I wrote.
"Well, um, I think you're a good influence," she whispered, causing me to blush.
"You really expect us to go hang out with them?" Of course, Ryobi had something to say. "Just because you two get along with big tits blonde bimbo doesn't mean I have to."
"I think it will be fun," Zelda said, striding over all too calmly. "The more, the merrier. We can all go shopping together."
"You're Gessen students," Ryobi said. "The dullest goody two shoes shinobi on the planet."
"You used to be one, too," Zelda said. "Do you think I don't know that?"
"Well, I transferred, obviously."
I typed into my phone. "I'm not a Gessen student. And I'm not a goody two shoes either. So there." And I put a tongue sticking out emoji.
"You? Not a goody two shoes? I thought you were the reincarnation of some ancient hero or something. I'm surprised you're even willing to talk to us, never mind whatever the hell you do with her." Ryobi gestured toward Murasaki, who flinched at it. "We're evil shinobi. Shouldn't you be on the side of truth and justice or whatever? I mean, your teacher would probably tell you to stay away from us, right?"
I shrugged and kept typing. "Truth and justice doesn't always mean following rules. Sometimes rules and laws are unjust, and breaking them is actually the right thing to do."
"Oh yeah? Well, then, little miss hero, if you're so desperate to prove you're not a goody two shoes... I have a dare for you."
I glared at her, like, yeah, bring it.
"Steal something. From a store in the mall. And bring it back here. And don't just buy something and pretend you stole it. Steal something expensive. Something you couldn't even afford to buy. Like... I don't know. Steal a piece of jewelry. There."
Steal a piece of jewelry? That didn't sound hard. I gave her a nod and a shrug.
Zelda's voice echoed in my head immediately. "You don't have to do stupid things to impress Ryobi."
"Who said anything about impressing Ryobi?" I thought back to her. "Maybe I just want to do something fun."
Zelda shook her head.
I went back to typing in my phone. "How about this? Let's have a team challenge. Me, Zelda, and Shiki, versus you three. Whoever can steal a piece of jewelry and bring it back to the food court first wins. Losing team has to take the jewelry back to the store and put it back like it was never even stolen in the first place."
"Of course you'd suggest bringing the jewelry back to the store." Ryobi rolled her eyes.
"I'm not about to be the one bringing it back," I wrote. "You will, because you're gonna lose."
"Oh, really?"
I nodded.
"If you're so sure, then let's start, on the count of three. One..."
Murasaki was clutching Bebe-tan and shaking. For a second, I felt bad for putting her through this. But I wasn't going to back down now, and I knew she'd understand.
"Two..."
Zelda was glaring at me like she wanted to slap the crap out of me. I just stuck my tongue out at her.
"Three!"
And the three Hebijo students went charging off in the direction of the very same department store I'd caused chaos in last time.
"I am not doing this," Zelda said. "And neither is Shiki. We're just going to sit here and enjoy ourselves while you go be an asshole. And this time, I'm not going to bail you out. Because this time it's obviously not an accident. You're bringing this on yourself."
"You were a pirate in one of your past lives, you know," I thought to her. "What happened?"
"I'm a shinobi now, and shinobi have to have a sense of honor."
"Shinobi also have to be good at being sneaky, being able to steal things and plant things in places without being detected." I stuck my tongue out at her again. "And I'm not going to be detected." And with that, I ran off.
I decided not to go to the same department store as the Hebijo students. For one thing, I'd already caused trouble there before. So, if I showed up there again, acting all sus, they'd be sure to follow me like crazy. And then I'd get caught. Plus, if they were hanging around in the jewelry department trying to steal, and then I was hanging around in the same jewelry department also trying to steal? It sounded like a recipe for trouble. So I felt like I would go to a different jewelry store.
I ducked into a public bathroom first, and focused my power into my scroll to transform. I figured it'd pay to be ready beforehand. On one hand, that was probably a bad idea, because now I was conspicuous, looking like some weird renaissance faire cosplayer or something. But looking like that could be an advantage. People would just think I was some weirdo, so they wouldn't pay as much attention to the things I did.
So I slipped into the jewelry store, and put up a shinobi barrier. The tiniest possible shinobi barrier I could put, that would just cover me and the weird waiting stool in the corner I was leaning on. No one would be able to see me, and if they tried to walk close to me, the barrier would prevent them from doing so. But then, uh, they'd probably wonder why they were walking into an invisible wall. And that would be sus.
And of course, one of the store's actual customers was approaching, like he was about to try to sit on that particular stool. Great.
For lack of anything else to do to protect my hiding spot, I stuck my foot out through the barrier, and tripped the guy, before pulling my foot back in as fast as I could. Then I pushed the stool out through the barrier at a weird angle, to make it look like he'd tripped over the stool leg to begin with. Like I was never there. I felt like an asshole, but... hey. Shinobi business.
And, hey. The guy falling down on the floor was enough to get the clerk running the store to look in his direction to check if he was okay. Now she was distracted with helping him up. That enabled me to break free of my barrier, and in one quick vault, hop over the jewelry store display counter. I then sunk down into the corner between the wall and the back side of the counter, and set up another teeny tiny shinobi barrier.
Looks like I wasn't so bad at this stealth thing.
The man had gotten up, and was now looking at necklaces. Now all I had to do was wait for the clerk to open up the display counter so she could take one out and show it to him. It was a good few minutes' wait, and it was kind of dull. But she did open the counter, and I was able to snatch a necklace from inside it without even leaving my barrier. When she was caught up in conversation with the man, about the necklace he wanted to buy, I dashed away, successful.
By the time I got back to the food court, I could tell there had been trouble. Murasaki was sitting there clutching Bebe-tan all sadly, Zelda was pacing back and forth in a huff, and Shiki was typing into her phone like mad.
"What?" she said as Zelda glared at her. "This is, like, totes hilarious. I, like, absolutely have to put it on my blog." When she said that, Zelda seemed to get even more pissed off. She didn't do anything, though. She just made a weird angry bird noise that sounded like Revali choking on something.
Wait, who the hell was Revali? Well, whatever. Now wasn't the time for weird repressed memories to bubble up from underneath. Now was the time to find out what was going on.
"Ryobi and Imu got caught by mall security," Zelda snapped, at me, as if it was my fault they sucked at their jobs. I had to hold in a snort of smug amusement as I typed into my phone.
"Well, based on the rules of our challenge, I guess they have to go put back the necklace I managed to steal. Without getting caught. Unlike them."
"Really? You want them to get in even more trouble with security? How are we going to get them out of the trouble they're already in?"
"Okay, fine," I typed. "I'll go bring back the necklace I stole myself, then I'll help rescue Ryobi and Imu from mall security. I'll be right back, then you can show me where they are."
Zelda didn't say anything. She didn't even think anything at me. She just rolled her eyes in a huff. I took off toward the jewelry store first, the necklace still in my hand.
I slipped into the same corner I was in before, where there was the stool that had been left at an odd angle ever since I moved it. The clerk was back behind the counter, seeming not to suspect anything. Like she didn't even notice anything had been taken in the first place. I created another small shinobi barrier to block myself from being seen by anyone else, then carefully pushed the stool back into the corner all neatly. And, at last, I stuck my hand out through the barrier, and chucked the necklace across the width of the whole jewelry store.
The clerk's eyes went wide as she saw a valuable necklace soar through the air, coming from seemingly nowhere. And of course she dashed over to check it out. I dashed too, away from the jewelry store. I couldn't help but notice how distractible she was. They really should have had better security at this jewelry store. But anyway, I got away with my weird pretend theft, no problem.
Now it was time to liberate Ryobi and Imu from mall security.
I went back to the food court. Zelda was no longer pacing, but instead was leaning against the wall and tapping her foot furiously against the floor. Shiki was still blogging. And Murasaki was still sitting there, looking like she was about to cry. I pulled out my phone again.
"I got this," I typed to her. "Take me to wherever Ryobi and Imu are."
"Um..." She took my hand. I noticed she was biting down on her lower lip. "Are you sure you're gonna be okay? You're not gonna get in trouble too?"
I didn't really respond to that, since chances were I was going to get in trouble again too. But I squeezed her hand as a form of wordless reassurance. Hey, lying by omission isn't really lying. But I let her lead me to the mall security office. And, as we went there, I typed one more message to her.
"When we get there, you take Ryobi and Imu and run. I'm sending Zelda a weird telepathic message right now to get her and Shiki out of the mall too. That way none of us gets caught."
"I..." She gave Bebe-tan an extra squeeze with the arm she wasn't using to hold my hand. "Um. If you say so, but..." She didn't finish that sentence.
When we got to the mall security office, I did exactly what I planned to do. Or, rather, what I planned in the last few seconds. I drew my sword and started using it to bang on the door, causing the two security guards to get up from questioning Ryobi and Imu, so they could see what was going on. They made the mistake of opening the door. I stormed into the tiny office. Murasaki slipped in as well, letting go of my hand and grabbing Imu's instead, tugging her away. Imu then tugged Ryobi away too, and the three of them dashed off back into the mall.
I just typed furiously on my phone, making tons of typos like I always did when I was anxious, but leaving them there. I didn't have the time to fix them.
"Hi this is wweird but. I nkw you caught them steling but. It was a chalgnege I did I told them to do it and we weere gona put it back aftere. So ITS My fault they shodulent get in troubel. BUT I shoudlten get in trouble either because. There is a crzay evil girlr in thi stown who wantts to get a power that can takeover eveyrthign. AND iam the one thing that is keping her form getting it. SO IM saving the town and actuly probaelyeb the countrey IF NOT the world. SO YEAH byt eh time youre done reading this im going to gO NOW. Sory for the incvoenince bYE."
And I held up my phone with the arm that had my shield on it, continuing to brandish my sword at them with the other hand. They looked at me like I was crazy. Finally they leaned in to start reading the message. I gave them a minute or two, pushing them away with the flat end of my sword when they started getting a little too close for comfort. Then I sheathed my sword and booked it.
Second time I had to run from this mall like a crazy person. This time, I vowed I was not ever going to risk coming back.
The six of us regrouped in a wooded area behind the mall parking lot. I'd guided Zelda there telepathically, telling her to bring Shiki along, and to text Murasaki a message that was where we'd be as well. I didn't say she or the other Hebijo students had to come with us or anything, but of course they did. Murasaki came through the trees first, panting, taking my hand as soon as she could. Imu shuffled in next, looking a little perturbed, but not too much. Then Ryobi stormed through, looking like she wanted to kill me.
"I told you she wasn't a goody two shoes," Imu said to Ryobi. "She is crazy though. Good influence on my sister, yes. Ride or die loyal, yes. But batshit insane. Absolutely batshit insane." She turned to me. "Thanks for bailing us out. I'm kind of ashamed we sucked at that so bad. Miyabi is gonna be so mad at me..." She was blushing. Of course she would, as soon as the topic of Miyabi came up.
But her kindness toward me didn't stop Ryobi from going apeshit.
"You stupid bitch! You big-titted brainless bimbo! What the fuck is wrong with you? No, really. What the fuck is wrong with her?" She turned to Zelda. "You know her somehow. Do you know what the fuck is wrong with her? And what's wrong with you? Why am I surrounded by all these idiots with huge tits and no brains?"
Zelda gave Ryobi a blank stare.
"I did tell her—and you—this was a bad idea. Neither of you listened to me. You're lucky you managed to get out of this as unscathed as you did."
"Yeah, well, you're a brainless big-titted blonde bimbo too, you know."
That was the second time that weird memory of this Revali person—bird—bird person—came back to my mind. Probably because Ryobi reminded me of him a bit. He always had some kind of beef with me, didn't he? But I couldn't get mad at him for it. It wasn't his fault he was a hard worker who always still managed to be so insecure about his accomplishments, and the fact that it looked like I was the one born with the proverbial silver spoon and that crap. I think if I worked as hard as I did to be a good shinobi, and then some other random shinobi showed up and it turned out they were a destined hero, I'd be pissed too.
So, I let him go on and on about how much I sucked, and never responded. Kind of like I was doing with Ryobi right now.
"You're exactly right," Zelda said to me in my head. Of course, she'd been eavesdropping on my thoughts again. "Ryobi and Revali do have that same sort of... complex, don't they?"
I nodded once, but didn't say anything.
Even as we all started to walk home, Ryobi was still ranting.
"What are you two thinking about me? I know you're thinking about me. I know you have that weird mental bond where you can do that. And you're probably talking shit. You're thinking about how you think you're hotter than me because you have big boobs. Right?"
I sighed. At least Revali had a reason to be pissed off at me. Ryobi's main motivation just seemed to be because we had boobs and she didn't. To her, it was all about the rack.
Everything was around here, wasn't it? But I guessed that didn't really bother me, because it could always be worse. Life was simpler that way. I felt like I was used to things being way more complicated.
