A/N: Welcome back! I hope you enjoy :)


When Heroes Fall

By: Selphie Kinneas 175

Chapter 31: Forgiveness

.:.

Ren had never spent so much time in deafening silence.

The ride to Ordon was gone in a blur he had wanted so desperately to savor. Mila led him there on autopilot, his eyes not beholding his surroundings until trees shrunk in on top of him from all sides. He heard nothing but his own voice inside his mind, running through what he would say to his family over and over and over again. He had hoped the trek would give him enough time to form the right words, to weave together something that would spare them even an ounce of pain, to come up with an explanation that would not haunt them for the rest of their lives.

His time was up, and he had done none of those things.

To his dismay, the timing was right. The sun was high, and all the villagers were outside going about their daily chores; there was nothing that would allow him to delay the inevitable, not even by a single moment. Mila clopped into the heart of the village, Ilari trailing behind her, and everyone was quick to notice Colin's horse with no Colin.

Calie met Ren halfway with a bright smile on her face.

"Little brother!" she exclaimed, tugging on his arm to get him out of the saddle and into a hug.

He forced a smile and reciprocated her embrace. She pulled away, and he saw the curiosity in her green eyes.

"What on earth are you wearing?" she laughed, looking him up and down from his fluffy collar to his frilly shoes. Then she noticed his bandages and responded with a hand on her hip, "Did you get yourself hurt?"

Ren said nothing, and though still optimistic, Calie began to grow concerned.

"Where's Colin?" she asked, still smiling, still blissfully unaware, heart still whole.

Ren saw Uli approaching over Calie's shoulder. The silence made Calie's smile drop. She looked around, recognizing Ilari, unridden and unsaddled, carrying a sword she could have sworn belonged to her big brother.

Calie met Ren's eyes again and she asked more seriously, "Where's Colin?"

A boulder sat in Ren's throat. He could not swallow it, he could not speak around it, it hung there like a dead man from a noose.

Calie looked at the sword again, clean, unburdened, orphaned. Ren's silence began to panic her.

"Why do you have Colin's things?" her voice rose, and other villagers began to listen.

Ren tried to speak, but the words refused him. He looked past Calie at Uli's knowing eyes. Tears formed at her lashes; she already knew.

Calie grabbed Ren by the shoulders and whispered urgently, "Why do you have Colin's things?"

Ren stared into her eyes, the words making their way to his tongue but his lips not wanting to part to make them real. He breathed in deep and held it, and when he released, the words fell out.

"Colin's gone..."

The ensuing silence rang in Ren's ears like an overwhelming emptiness. The world froze, as if an all-consuming end were seconds away from erasing everything they knew. All he saw were his family's imploring eyes, begging for him to admit it was a lie.

"He's... dead..."

No one spoke. What happened beyond the three of them was lost to Ren, all he could hear, see, or feel was this moment, this space. Uli clasped her hands to a heart she feared may either stop beating or fly out of her chest without her. She crumbled to her knees and buried her face in the grass. Calie's grief spilled forth in a pained cry that shook the whole of the village. She wailed as hot tears streamed down her cheeks, and Ren felt unspeakable shame.

Calie wrapped her arms around Ren and squeezed. Her breath hitched and her body's shivers ricocheted through Ren. She held him and cried into his neck long enough to lose the strength to stand. She brought Ren down to his knees along with her and pulled her mother into their embrace. They cried and shared one another's pain wordlessly, the other villagers retreating inside with tear-stained faces of their own to give them privacy.

"My boy..." Uli muttered and wept, over and over she repeated it, "My boy, my boy..." She felt the world caving in on top of her, an agony unlike any she'd ever known ripping through her body like a dull knife. Her breath was beyond her control, her lungs heaving and gasping in between desperate pleas to the goddesses.

Ren felt guilt so heavy it could suffocate him. Uli's hopeless whimpers sent painful shivers down Ren's spine. He felt his regret and disdain for himself begin to bubble over, and he felt heat at his hands. He looked down and saw tiny sparks dancing at his fingertips. He quickly balled a fist and heard Midna's voice in his head telling him to keep his emotions in check. He took in a deep breath, held it until he was red in the face, and released. He heard a whisper from the faintest recess of his mind, and the sparks faded away.

As time ticked on, their uncontrollable bawling reduced to quiet sobs, and Calie was the first to find her voice.

"What happened?" her words cracked, "How did he..."

Ren closed his eyes and sighed. He sat up straight and hung his head – he could not look in their eyes.

"It was my fault..."

Uli looked at him without a word. Calie furrowed her brows and asked, "What do you mean?"

"I fell for a lie that I could bring my mom back. I was... cursed, or brainwashed, I don't know, but... I wasn't in control."

Neither spoke. He at last gained the courage to look at them.

"It wasn't me, but at the same time... it was. It's my fault. I'm sorry..."

For a moment, Uli looked uncertain. Her eyes did not leave Ren's, but he could not read them. Behind pained eyes her distraught brain ran through a million possibilities, desperate to place blame somewhere if only to ease the panicked drumming of her heart. A dark part of her thought for the briefest second to blame him, Ren caught it in the flash of distrust across her eyes. Then through the curtain of her agony she saw her grandson, she saw Link and Ilia whom she loved deeply, their son who she had helped raise. Perhaps the details would change her mind, perhaps they wouldn't. She was in no place to be able to handle them now, either way.

At length, she placed a hand on Ren's knee and looked at him with anxious eyes, "I do not want or need the details... All that matters is that you are safe... and Rusl?"

"Rusl was too sick to travel but he's okay. He wanted to be the one to tell you, but... I felt I needed to," Ren said.

Uli nodded but said no more.

Calie, however, was ready to place blame. She looked at Ren with contempt thick in the snarl of her lips and the draw of her brows, "Who was it?"

Ren paused, unsure of what to say. He didn't know how much they were aware of what was happening in the vast world outside of Ordon, and he didn't feel he had the strength to divulge it all.

"Was it the king?" Calie asked when the silence began to irritate her.

Ren looked slightly surprised before he nodded, "Yes."

"Just because you guys try to spare us from the truth doesn't mean we're blind to it. Mom and I have heard you guys whisper about an upcoming battle and an evil king the few times you've stopped to visit. We're not stupid and we don't need to be protected from knowing what's really going on."

Ren and Uli said nothing. Calie let the quiet linger as determination welled up inside of her. She wiped her face dry and looked at Ren with a boldness in her eyes.

"I'm going to fight with you."

Uli looked at her not with shock, but with defeat, as if she had expected it but still hoped she would be wrong.

"Calie..." Uli implored, but Calie did not let up.

"No, I'm going."

"Your father wouldn't want-"

"My father has allowed Link, Colin, and Ren to throw themselves into harm's way for years. I'm no different. I'm able to fight for my brother, so I will."

Uli placed a hand on her daughter's cheek, "Calie... I just can't bear to lose you, too..."

"You won't," Calie said as she got to her feet and looked at Ren, "I assume Colin's horse and sword in his absence."

Ren stood to meet her, uncertainty plain on his face. He untied Ilari's reins from Mila's saddle and handed them to Calie. He unfastened Colin's sword and gazed down at it thoughtfully.

"Do you know how to use it?"

"No, do you?" she retorted confidently.

Barely, he thought, though he said nothing aloud. She knew the answer.

He looked at her one last time, still holding the sword close, "Are you sure?"

"Would you still ask these questions if I were a brother, not a sister?"

Ren swallowed his words. He extended the sheathed blade to her and she took it.

"When should I meet you?" she asked.

Ren paused to count the suns in his head, "Eight days. Kakariko."

"Plenty of time to practice," she smiled, "Ilari and I will be there to represent Ordon... and Colin."

Ren nodded in understanding, and Uli got to her feet beside him.

"Where will you go now?" Uli asked.

"I... imagine I should give the news to the others," Ren said.

Uli shook her head and took his hand, "Let me handle that... You have carried that grief enough."

Ren thought to object, but he could see how much it meant to her, so he just nodded.

"Then, in that case..." he began, "There's some people in Castle Town I need to talk to."

Uli rubbed the back of his hand and forced a sad smile, "Please be safe... and tell Rusl and Link that we love them dearly."

Ren smiled, "I will."

Uli leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek, as she began to pull away, she whispered, "Please... do not blame yourself. I know Colin doesn't."

Ren said nothing, but he couldn't help but wonder if she would feel the same had she wanted to know the details. She knew enough; the rest would only cause unnecessary suffering. Silently, he hugged them both and departed with a solemn wave.

Before he could exit the village for Link's clearing, Beth stepped in front of him. He could tell by the anguish on her face that she overheard the news. Without a word, she pulled him in for a hug. He felt her body tremble with sobs, but no words were necessary. When they parted, she forced a smile and wiped her tears.

"Tell my brothers I expect them to visit more."

Ren nodded, "I will."

As she left, Ren glanced over his shoulder at the whole of the village one more time. He saw Fado talking to Calie and Sera holding Uli as they cried. He breathed deep as he familiarized himself with that painful tugging at his heart.

He looked down at himself and whispered to Mila, "I thought I might get some fresh clothes while I was here, but... I'd kinda like sticking it to Viscen in his own clothes. What do you think?"

Mila stamped her feet and whinnied.

Ren nodded, "Yeah, I agree. Get his clothes dirty, not mine. Seems like it'd be justice."

She shook out her mane and he smiled. He rubbed her nose and hopped into the saddle.

"Let's go," he whispered with a kick, and they were off for Hyrule Castle Town. He had some ideas on how he could be more helpful – he had some old friends to seek out.

Another sun came and went before Link and Midna made any real progress into Gerudo Desert. The first night, they had declined rest and trekked straight through. The second night, they stopped beneath an outcropping of rock. While blistering hot during the day, at night the desert was cold enough to paralyze. Link and Midna huddled close together, and Epona lay on her legs towards the open air, hoping to shield them from the brutal winds. They shared Midna's cloak, its thick fabric draped across both their shoulders, keeping one another warm.

Neither had spoken beyond what was necessary for the trip, but when Midna looked at Link, a million words raced to her tongue, begging to be spoken. His head hung low against his chest and his eyes closed tight, he looked dreadfully tired, but peaceful. She could tell he wasn't yet asleep, so she decided to give some of those desperate words permission.

"Do you think King Bulblin will join us?"

Link's eyes fluttered open but did not meet hers, "Yes."

His answer was flat, curt, and laced with a desire to avoid conversation. Midna knew he was tired, knew he was running on empty, but if she couldn't provide some sense of light in his darkness, what good was she?

"I mean, he better. Him and his fat pig caused us so much grief back in the day," Midna laughed, but Link did not join her.

She tried another approach, "I'm glad you got the chance to talk to Rusl before we left."

"Me, too," Link muttered, still unresponsive.

Midna looked at him and sighed. Bags sat at home under his shallow eyes and his skin mirrored the moon. Curled up beside her, he looked so small. He didn't look like the man who toppled mountains and slayed demons. He looked so broken.

She cleared her throat in the discomforted quiet and stammered, "I don't say this enough but, um... I'm really proud of you."

Link's glazed eyes still did not meet hers, so she went on.

"I know how low you are... Still you stood and fought. Still you gave comfort to others when you desperately needed it yourself. Not just me, I don't think anyone tells you enough... how proud you should be of yourself."

Link sighed and cut her off before she could continue, "I appreciate it, Midna, but I don't believe a word of it. I just want to sleep."

Midna watched him close his eyes and shift away from her. Part of her wanted to be irritated with him, but she understood. It didn't take long for exhaustion to lower his body fully to the ground, and Midna lay down beside him, watching the rise and fall of his chest as she, too, drifted off to sleep.

Link awoke to a forest. Lush green surrounded him. Birdsong echoed in his long ears. He looked up and the sky was bright blue without a cloud in sight. The sun was high and warm and beckoned him to close his eyes and drink it in. He smelled grass beneath his feet and Ordon pumpkins faint in the distance. When he opened his eyes, he saw a friend.

"Ilia?"

She smiled, "Hi, Link."

He froze in shock. He instinctively grabbed her hands in his. He felt the softness of her skin, the warmth of her touch, and he stared into green eyes that sparkled like emeralds. He reached out and touched her face, not believing she was real. His fingertips met her cheek and she giggled. He smiled brighter than he had in years.

"Ilia," he whispered, pulling her into a hug.

He held her tight, afraid that if he let go, she would be gone again. She reciprocated, burying her face into the crook his neck. At length, she initiated the release, looking into his eyes with a playfulness as she pulled away.

"The goddesses said you could use a visit," she said.

Link look surprised, "The goddesses?"

She giggled, "Of course the goddesses. Who else could make this happen?"

"I-I... I don't know, I..." Link muttered in shock, "They haven't helped in so long, I... I gave up on them. I didn't believe they would ever help me again."

Ilia smiled in sad understanding, and there was no argument to be made.

She reached up and rubbed her thumb across his stubbled chin with a giggle.

"You have a beard."

Link chuckled, "A little bit. I try to keep it short."

"I like it," she said, lowering her hand and looking at his tired face, "It makes you look... wiser."

"I don't know about all that."

"I do," she said plainly, and he understood.

There was a brief silence. Link was mesmerized by her presence, afraid he had only a limited amount of time with her and terrified to squander even a second of it. He ducked to his knee and hung his head with a hand gripped firmly at his heart.

"I am so sorry, Ilia. I abandoned you... I don't deserve forgiveness, but still I ask for it."

She sat down on the floor in front of him, crossed legs and totally relaxed. He peeked at her through shaggy bangs – she was smiling again.

"You have it," she said easily, "You always have it."

He picked his head up to look at her. She looked so young, carefree, unburdened, light. He lowered to a cross-legged seat just the same, and it reminded him of when they were kids.

"It's not enough," Link shook his head, "I left you to go it all alone. I can't forgive myself, Ilia."

"Remember when we were little, we would play at the spring and talk about what we wanted to be?" Ilia said nonchalantly, as if part of small talk.

Link furrowed his brow, "Yes, but Ilia, I'm-"

"I always knew what I wanted to be, what I wanted to do. Ordon was my home, and it was all I wanted," she grabbed his hand, "Link, it was never that simple for you."

He stared but said nothing.

"Your choice was stripped from you. When you became hero, I knew a life with me, at Ordon, was out of the question."

"But that doesn't excuse what happened."

Ilia sat up straight with a serious expression, "You're right. I'm sorry."

Link looked confused, "What for?"

"I knew Ren was coming before you left. I should have told you," Ilia said.

Link nodded in understanding, and there was silence for just a moment.

"I was young and stupid," Link said.

"So was I," Ilia agreed, "I just wanted you to be happy. I wanted it more than I had yet to want anything. To see you smile again..."

Link glanced down at his hands in his lap to keep from getting emotional. Her quiet imploring always brought him back.

"I knew I could never understand what you went through, so I wanted you to be with the one person who could," she paused, watching the play of emotions across his face. "Did you find her?"

Midna's face flashed through his mind and he smiled, "Yes, I did."

Ilia smiled, too, "Are you happy?"

Link's heart skipped a beat. He wanted to say yes for her, but he couldn't bring himself to lie.

The silence said all she needed to hear.

"Colin is gone," Link blurted, though Ilia was unfazed.

"I know," she said, "We rest here together."

Link's jaw hung just slack and water pooled at his lashes, "He's here? Can I-"

Ilia shook her head solemnly, "The goddesses give only what is an absolute necessity..." she trailed off, watching as he wiped his tired eyes, "You must be... really struggling for them to give us this opportunity."

His breath hitched and he closed his eyes in shame. Then she noticed something.

"You aren't wearing your cap."

"I'm no longer worthy of it," he whispered.

"Says who?"

"Me."

"Hm," she hummed, "Well that doesn't seem right to me, but... it's important that you see that for yourself."

Link huffed, "I wasted away all of Ren's life searching for something that was at home all along. My absence in Ren's life led to your death and Colin's. I caused the deaths of the people I always swore I would protect."

Link stared at her in silence, daring her to poke a hole in his claims. She did no such thing.

"I can tell you in a thousand different ways that you alone aren't to blame for any of it, but that would serve no purpose. You have to learn to believe it yourself," she said.

Link sighed and avoided her gaze. She spoke again despite his indifference.

"My death led to him finding you," she said, "He was always meant to be more, just like you."

"Ilia," Link hung his head and whispered, "My son is fifteen years old and I don't even know him."

"Good thing you've got the rest of your life to learn," she said with a smile.

Link shook his head, unconvinced, "I doubt he'll want anything to do with me once this is all done."

Ilia laughed, "All he's wanted his whole life is to know you. He asked me to tell him stories about you every single day. Link," she leaned forward, commanding his attention, "He's loved you since the day he was born. Nothing is going to change that."

Link looked at her in bewilderment, "How can you be so optimistic?"

"Because I know you. And I know him. You're both too stubborn to give up on each other."

The corner of Link's mouth just barely perked up, and she beamed at the sight of it. She let the calm quiet linger, let the conversation sink in. The leaves swayed in the branches high above them, and the ethereal breeze that blew between them was cleansing. Sitting cross-legged across from one another, they did look just like kids. No burdens, no pain, only a day's worth of play ahead of them. Link gazed at her pretty face, taking in every inch of her, knowing that this was his very last chance.

"I miss you," Link spoke at last, his voice shaky, "I thought about you all the time while I was gone. Considered coming home, but..." he shook his head, "Didn't want to come home a failure."

"I know, Link," she nodded, "It's okay."

"I can't count how many times I've begged to be able to talk to you one more time. To ask you about Ren or what to do. To say I'm sorry. Just to... tell you about my day."

"Well," Ilia chimed, "How was your day?"

Link laughed, "Not great, but... better now."

"Good. And, as for asking me about Ren or what to do..." she trailed off.

Link leaned closer with intrigue, "Yes?"

She looked at him differently then. Her shimmering eyes held a tenderness toward him, toward what he was to her. Her hands clasped over his and she radiated grace toward her circumstances, toward what her role was. She was never meant to be the lead, only to help others along their way. It was him. It was always him.

"Go be the father to him that you always wanted to be."

Tears welled up but she smiled so brightly through them. She cupped his cheek and he stared back at her. The surroundings began to fade, and he felt it all slipping away.

"No, wait," he begged, holding her hand tighter, "I have so much I want to say."

She said nothing, but her smile never waned. She leaned forward and kissed him on the forehead. When she pulled back, she was farther away.

He reached out to her frantically, "Wait, please don't go." But he phased right through her.

He watched her grow more and more distant until she was out of sight, her understanding eyes and loving smile the last he saw of her. He fell forward to his hands and knees and let out one final whisper, "Please... I'm sorry..."

As the forest around him dissolved to nothingness, he heard the faint echo of her voice trill like fairy's wings, "You need only forgive yourself."

And then he was blistering cold. He jolted upright and yelped, "Ilia!"

Midna looked disheartened in front of him, "No, just me."

He breathed deep and glanced around in a stupor, unsure if what he just experienced was real or not. He turned to Midna, an acute sadness in her sunset eyes. He reached out and touched her face – she was real. She looked at him in confusion.

"What is it? Have a nightmare?" she asked.

"I think... the goddesses let me see Ilia," he spoke with brightness in his voice.

Midna's eyes widened momentarily, "Oh? That good of a dream, huh?"

He looked past her at the sun just barely beginning to peek over the horizon. He felt a renewed sense of vigor, of purpose. He knew he'd let down his loved ones before, but he wouldn't make that mistake again. He knew what he had to do, and now he had the strength to do it.

He got to his feet in a flurry and prepared his things. He looked at Midna with hope in his eyes.

"What are you waiting for? We have hero-ing to do."

Midna laughed, arms folded over her chest as she parroted, "'Hero-ing'? That's your gig, Mister Big and Important, not mine."

He tightened his effects and looked at her seriously, "No. It's always been us."

Their gaze didn't break. She stared at him as his words and demeanor melted her. It took her a handful of rapid heartbeats to find suitable words.

"Your spirits sure are lifted. That, uh... must've been some dream."

Link readied Epona's saddlebags as he spoke, "I got to see Ilia, Midna. I... I never thought I would get a chance to tell her I'm sorry. To hear her tell me it's okay."

Midna scoffed and mumbled, "I mean, I tell you it's okay but that doesn't change your mindset. But ghost Ilia tells you something and, wooo, all better."

Link gave her a look and she laughed wholeheartedly.

"I'm glad you got that opportunity, Link, truly. Dream or not, Ilia always knew what to say. I always liked Ilia."

Link chuckled, "Right, of course you did."

"Definitely never had any arguments or misunderstandings," she carried on as Link hopped up into the saddle, "Certainly no jealousy."

Link smiled and extended a hand down to her.

"Come on, let's go."

She looked at his hand playfully, "Hero-ing?"

He nodded, "Making things right."

She smiled and took his hand, "Count me in."


Starts within.


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