Hi hello I'm back!
This chapter is very late, and I do apologize! I waited to publish so I could finish with school. My last semester is over, and now I have no idea what to do with myself. To be honest I'm kind of scared. I have no job, no internship, I haven't even finished a grad school application. I guess that's one thing I can start on...
This chapter also took a while to polish, since so many things are happening. Finishing some lines, setting up for further chapters, the odd sentence here and there- there's a lot going on. But it's done now and I hope you enjoy it.
I should be back on schedule for posting now without worrying about projects and exams, so look for the next chapter in a couple of weeks. Enjoy!
The next morning the company is up and out of Beorn's house before dawn. In exchange for our work the past two days we are supplied with ponies for transportation, food, and extra water skins. My stock of herbs has been replenished and labelled, which makes me feel a lot better about continuing as the only person with a modicum of healing training. Beorn was nice enough to provide me with some new cloth for my periods, and also for some bandages.
Thorin managed to bully everyone into a bath from his sickbed, a truly remarkable feat, and one much appreciated.
Dori, Gloin, and I go over the details with Beorn. "You will leave my ponies before you enter the forest. Should any harm come to them, I will know and have my revenge." We bow low and give him reassurances for the ponies' safety.
"Of course Mister Beorn, we would not dream of harming your ponies. We thank you again, and wish you the best." Beorn grunts, and watches as we swing up in our saddles. I take my place behind Fili, Kili, and Gandalf, and we ride through the gate towards Mirkwood.
Our first day we ride in silence, mindful of the goblins and wargs that prowl the mountains to our west, galloping when we can, trotting when we cannot. We cover a lot of ground that day, due to our early start and quick pace. In the evening I train with Bifur, Bofur interpreting for us. It feels good to practice with my partisan again, though in the morning I know I will be sore and blistered.
When I'm not training I'm cooking with Bombur, and occasionally it feels like old times, before Rivendell. Except then we weren't missing any members, and we weren't traumatized by goblins and near death experiences. Now we have no music, and the dwarves' stories are subdued.
Quietly, I pull Fili aside and explain the ending of the book, of how he and his brother and his uncle are supposed to die. I wish I didn't have to tell him, seeing how he droops and spends his time turning Thorin's key over and over in his hand, rather than challenging his brother to singing contests.
I miss the happiness we had at the beginning of the quest; the hope and uncomplicated vision of the future.
The second and third days pass much as the first, though with more chatter and small talk. I spend much of my time with Ori, swapping stories and jokes, or simply riding in silence together, content in each other's company.
The fourth day I ride with Kili, and he and I talk about Dwarvish culture. He probably lets a couple of things slip that he shouldn't have, judging from the dirty looks Dwalin is giving us, but he doesn't care. "Why should I? You're practically a dwarf anyway, after travelling with us for so long." "But I'm not a dwarf," I object. "A technicality," Kili brushes it off. "I have a feeling we'll be seeing quite a bit of you for many years to come."
I grin at him. "Possibly. I haven't decided what I'm doing after the quest."
Kili looks surprised. "I thought you were staying with us." "I might. Or I might do something else. If I'm stuck here, I want to make a life for myself. Visit different places. Study." "But you'll come back to us right?" I laugh, "I just said I don't know!"
His face takes on a vulnerable look, puppy eyes and everything. "Please Aspen, I'd love to see you. Fili would too. Ooh! What if Amad adopted you!"
Oh no.
Hoping to push that truly terrifying idea out of Kili's mind, I scold, "Kili no!" "It's a great idea! I'll have to tell Fili!" "I think you should wait to tell Fili. He's probably got a lot to think about right now."
Kili's face sobers, and he looks up to Fili riding ahead of us. "Aye I suppose. Now that Thorin isn't with us, it will be Fili's job to find the secret door, and to deal with the dragon. There's also the matter of what comes after we reclaim the mountain."
"What do you mean?" I ask. Kili shakes his head. "It will take a long time to rebuild Erebor, and Fili and I both will have to help Thorin with that. But Fili will have to worry about courtship as well."
"Is that a bad thing?" "Aye. The council has been hounding him for years to start courting. They don't expect him to marry yet of course- he's too young for that- but they do want him to start thinking about a queen or consort to be his companion for when he rules. Fili's been dodging the task for years, hiding behind his other responsibilities. Even this quest was an excuse to get out of Ered Luin. But they'll start pestering him again probably the minute they arrive."
I take in this information silently, turning it over in my head. "But why so soon? If Fili can't even marry yet, why bother?" "It's a matter of securing the line."
"But the line's already secure," I object. "Both you and Fili have been named as Thorin's successors."
"Aye well unfortunately the council doesn't think that's enough," Kili grumbles, scrubbing the back of his neck with his hand. "If they don't get through to Fili within the next fifty years or so, I imagine they'll come after me, the ruthless bastards."
After a moment to recover from the idea of fifty years being a relatively short time, I ask, "Why haven't they asked Thorin about taking a partner instead of Fili?"
Kili gives a small laugh. "Thorin has never been interested in someone, romantically or physically. And it's not a matter of meeting the right person, he's just not interested in anyone at all. The one time the council tried to press the issue, Thorin nearly shouted them out of the mountain. Used quite some colorful and expressive language, he did."
"Oh."
The revelation that Thorin is asexual and aromantic surprises me only a little. "I imagine you'll have your hands full with avoiding the council then."
"Aye we will," Kili responds quietly, looking up at Fili again, who I imagine is listening into our conversation silently. "I do hope that he finds someone eventually. Someone who loves him and will support him well. He deserves that happiness."
"Don't we all," I murmur, making a mental note to avoid the council Kili mentioned. They could make my life here very miserable. Fili spurs his horse to ride up closer to Gandalf, and Kili and I switch to other probably-forbidden topics, like Dwarvish religion, the importance of females, and how the kings rule.
Kili squints as if remembering a lesson from long ago. "You should really be asking Balin about this, because I don't remember much."
"You brought it up," I point out, and Kili shrugs. "The clans all have a king or a lord, but Thorin is high king over them all. Typically each king is a military and spiritual leader for the clan, and judges cases that come before him. Thorin has to look after the Longbeards, and also oversee the other clans."
"What about economics?" "He can oversee that too, although he leaves the finer details to advisors or a consort and reads just the reports. It's easier that way. More efficient."
"What was the consort's role?" "Usually odd things, or whatever the king did not deal with. Seeing to envoys, meetings, economic affairs, justice, anything."
It's an interesting way to run a kingdom, I think, though when I mention this to Kili he just shrugs and says that's the way it's always been.
"And what happens if there's not a consort to help balance things?" Kili grimaces and replies, "Then the king oversees everything, which is what Uncle has been doing for the past decades. But he would rather do that have a partner forced on him."
"Couldn't Balin help supervise things?" Kili looks at me funny, and I get the distinct impression he thinks I'm stupid. "He does, but he serves mainly as an advisor. He has to be careful with what he does, otherwise he'll be seen as conspiring for the throne. Or usurping Thorin's authority."
"Balin?" "It wouldn't be the first time someone's tried it," Kili mutters, and I leave it at that, noting we're finally approaching Mirkwood.
Gandalf reaches the forest before the rest of us and hops off his horse, heading towards a gap in the tree line. As I near and slide off my own pony, I hear him say, "Here lies our path through Mirkwood."
"No sign of Orcs. We have luck on our side," Dwalin remarks while dismounting. "Set the ponies loose. Let them return to their master, but keep mine saddled," Gandalf says, and we all hurry to remove our bags and send them on their way. After they turn back and trot the way we came, I think I see a shadow slipping behind them through the trees. Probably Beorn, making sure we've kept up our end of the bargain.
I squint up at the forest, not liking the looks of the trees or the darkness of the undercanopy. A smell of rotting leaves and damp mold wafts from the ground.
It smells like death.
"This forest feels sick. I don't like the air." Gandalf eyes me with interest, then beckons me closer.
"Walk with me a ways Aspen." Gandalf and I walk out of earshot of the other dwarves, and he puts his back to them, effectively hiding his words and actions from view.
"You know what is to come now Aspen," he says. "I ask you to please take care of them. Guide them as best you can and see them safely to the end of their journey. I will rejoin you when I can." I nod. "I'll try, though I don't know how well I'll do." "Well enough I believe," Gandalf replies. "Before I leave, I must give you something."
A chill slides up my spine, and I know before he pulls it out of his pocket that he will give me the ring.
"You must keep this very safe, and do not let the others know you have it. Not even Fili can know. I cannot take it to where I am going, so I must leave it to you for safekeeping."
Briefly I think about protesting, then settle for a halfhearted glare. Gandalf would not give me this ring unless he had no choice. "Keep it secret. Keep it safe," he whispers, a hand on my shoulder, before he straightens up and hurries to his horse, while I unceremoniously dump the ring in my boot.
"I'll be waiting for you at the overlook, before the slopes of Erebor. Keep the map and key safe. Do not enter that mountain without me." This last bit he says to Fili, who shares a look with Balin.
"This is not the Greenwood of old. There is a stream in the woods that carries a dark enchantment. Do not touch the water. Pass only by the stone bridge. The very air of the forest is heavy with illusion. It'll seek to enter your mind and lead you astray. You must stay on the path and do not leave it. If you do, you'll never find it again."
With this, Gandalf swings up on his horse and begins to gallop away toward the west. "Take care of yourselves and don't leave the path!" he calls over his shoulder one last time, and with that he is gone.
Fili wastes no time in getting the company moving. "Fill up those waterskins. Hurry. We must reach the mountain before Durin's Day. It is our one chance to find the hidden door." The company scrambles for the nearby creek, and when all the skins are filled we heads toward the tree line.
I drop back to the end with Dwalin, who gives me the side eye. I raise an eyebrow, and then ignore him, planning on watching the ground for the stones lining the way. I can still call up to the front if need be, and double check what has already been checked once.
The rest of the afternoon passes without incident, and that night we camp on the path, getting up early again in the morning to continue. As we walk further and further into the forest, the light dims, and the air grows fouler and heavier with dark magic, tangible like humidity. I wrap a scarf around my nose and mouth, and though Dwalin gives me another side eye, it seems to help me breathe easier.
It's around this time I decide I need to speak with Nori about tactics for dealing with the Woodland King. The book I know said the king was a wise but grave character. The same book also said the stone giants were out for a game of catch. And if anyone can deal with difficult people on the sly, it's Nori.
Naturally, he's suspicious of my motives at first, wondering why a seemingly morally-upstanding person like myself would want to learn how to detect lies and weaknesses.
"I like to be prepared," I say. Nori mulls this over, then nods.
"Men are shit liars. There's always a tell. Even you have one."
"What is it?" "Ah, ah," Nori chides, wagging his finger. "It's no fun if I tell you. I knew you were lying about something way before anyone else did, and I'd like to keep it that way." "I wasn't lying. I was just not telling the truth."
Nori nods. "A mindset like that can save your life. Keep at it. Elves are harder to read than men. They have no emotions, and therefore show no emotions. But irritate them enough and usually you can get them to crack."
"What about dwarves?" "No honest dwarf feels the need to lie, unless it's life-threatening or dangerous information. As a rule we're too blunt, too straightforward for anything else.
"Once you can find tells, then you can begin to exploit weaknesses. See what makes a person tick. If you're thinking of the same…thing I'm thinking of, he'll show no outward sign of weakness. That's why it's helpful to know history, especially the history of your marks. This particular being likes pretty things. Sparkly things. That only come from Dwarrow mines."
I sigh. "We'll have to bribe him." "Yes, or outsmart him, which would be very difficult indeed."
After two more talks with Nori, a few tentative ideas for dealing with the Woodland King starts to form in my mind. I plan to talk to Fili about them soon, since most of them involve items that aren't mine to claim and bribery. I only pray the dwarves will forgive me after.
And if this plan doesn't work, then I don't know what I'll do. I doubt I can sneak around as well as Bilbo.
We travel for at least two weeks before we start seeing eyes in the dark, shadows moving and writhing in the night. After that we don't get as much sleep, at least half the company on watch while the other half gets a few hours of rest. Not that we got much to begin with.
At first Fili thought to let me sleep through the night. After a few cross words that devolve into an argument I end up taking my fair shift with the rest.
The company starts to fracture into family groups, each squabbling with the other more often than not. I walk with Ori and his brothers, because since our initial argument Fili and I have been trading petty insults, sniping with each other about rations and the dwindling water supply. Eventually we lapse into a stalemate, which is just as well, because all any of us can do is mutter at the twistiness of the path we travel on.
I lose sense of time, the days bleeding together, and I estimate we're about halfway through when I finally hear one of the dwarves gasping, "Air! I need air! My head's swimmin'!"
I look up at this, watching some of the dwarves stumble and stagger slightly. My vision blurs, and clears as I blink it away. This isn't like them at all. How did I not notice?
I've been trying to make sure that I stay hydrated and relatively clear-headed, but that doesn't seem to be working.
I stare hard at the back of Bofur's head, and my vision blurs again.
I hear a whisper through the trees, a fell voice on the air.
My eyes widen, and I push through the dwarves up to Fili, whom I haven't spoken to in days.
"Fili!"
He turns to me with a scowl on his face, but after seeing the genuine worry and panic on mine his eyes soften. Before he can ask me what's wrong Kili calls out.
"We found the bridge!" "Or what's left of the bridge," Fili mutters darkly, sending me a scowl from the corner of his eyes. I scowl right back, fell voices pushed aside and my temper rising. "We can try to swim it," Bofur suggests, but Fili immediately dismisses this. The dwarves start bickering amongst each other, and I watch, trying to keep myself from joining. Kili calls out again, saying he's found a boat on the other side of the bank.
The dwarves attach a hook to the longest rope and Fili throws it a couple of times, managing to hook the boat on his second throw. As he carefully draws it back in, the dwarves split themselves into groups, with me, Fili, and Balin in the first group. I scowl at this, wishing I was with Kili, Gloin, and Dori in the second group, or even in the last group with Bombur and Dwalin.
One by one our groups go across, slowly drawing ourselves over the river by a rope hooked around a tree on the far bank.
All goes well until Bombur and Dwalin try to cross. Dwalin is already climbing out of the boat, when suddenly a white deer comes flying out of the woods, knocking me over as it gathers itself to leap. It flies over Bombur, clipping him in the head and knocking him back into the river.
"Bombur!" several voices yell. I try to rise to go to him, but my back burns with pain. Fili throws a rope to him and Bombur grabs it, though by the time they haul him out on the bank he's fast asleep. I sigh and check my body for injuries, only now remembering this was supposed to happen. Why didn't I remember?
Bofur and Bifur hover over Bombur, and Gloin tries to shake him awake.
"It's no use!" I call. "He's asleep and he will remain that way for quite a while!" Still, I peer into his eyes and mouth and check the growing lump on his forehead to make sure he's not showing any visible negative signs. "We will have to carry him," I say, causing the dwarves to grumble even as they fashion a stretcher and roll him onto it.
"We keep going," Fili announces. "I want to be away from this foul river."
We walk for a few hours before Fili calls it a night. The dwarves set Bombur down on his stretcher in the middle of our camp, and I lay out my bedroll next to him, though I know he won't wake. Bofur and Bifur settle around him, and after we eat our rations Fili draws me off a ways for a chat.
For a while he just looks at me, only the glint of his eyes visible.
"You have not been yourself the past few days."
"Aye and you haven't either," I respond deadpan. I imagine he shoots me an annoyed look, but then he sighs. "It's this accursed forest," he says, and I agree with him. Historically, we got along pretty well together.
"I've been hearing things," I tell him, voice low. "Fell voices in the air, dark whispers. We need to get out of here."
"I know. We're trying our best, though it won't help any if you and I are at each other's throats. There needs to be peace between us Aspen. I do not believe we have faced all of the hardships this forest has to offer."
"We haven't."
I glance over my shoulder to make sure no one is listening, even though I can't see anything.
"There are giant spiders in these woods. Absolutely huge." I hear Fili shift, and press on. "Fili, they are as big as you and me! Perhaps even bigger! In the story that I knew in my world, they knocked out the entire company in less than ten minutes. And all of this happens because we leave the path."
"So then we don't leave the path."
"Fili, Beorn gave us a lot, but it's not enough. We've got at least two more weeks in here and I don't see our supplies lasting that long.
"We have to stay on the path no matter what happens. Bilbo was the only one able to rescue the dwarves from the spiders, but even he couldn't save the company from the elves."
"Elves?" Fili's voice comes out as a strangled whisper. "Aye elves. Surely you knew there were elves in these woods."
Fili is silent before saying, "Now that you say it I remember Balin mentioning them a long time ago, back when I was still in lessons. It's not something I think about much."
"In the book they captured the company for trespassing on their feasts, and they were imprisoned for a long time. They almost didn't make it to the mountain in time.
"I know it might be a lot to ask, but please consider at least being a little diplomatic with them. Do not be so hardheaded that they imprison us out of sheer spite."
The pause between us now is less contemplative and more stubborn. "Please Fili. Remember Rivendell."
He shifts again. "I remember."
"I've already talked with Nori, and I've got an idea for a last resort." "Which is?" I swallow. "I'd rather not say. Thorin might pardon me afterwards, if he's feeling generous."
Fili swears under his breath. "It won't happen. I won't let it." "It is a possibility you need to be prepared for. Negotiations require both parties to cooperate," I warn. "I know. But I will try my best to see that matters do not come to your last resort."
One of the dwarves burps loudly behind us, and I hear Fili sigh, the air between us changing again.
"I really do not understand why Uncle wishes to make all these dwarves nobles upon reclaiming Erebor. Whenever I see Nori scratching his butt or Bofur digging in his ear I wonder how they'll get along with all the prudes that will inevitably flood the mountain."
I snort. "Not very well I imagine. Thorin really wants to make all of the company nobles?" "Aye he was dead set on it. No one else knows of course." Fili's eyes glint in the dark. "That includes you too."
"I'm not a dwarrowdam." "Thorin would think of something."
"Fili, I've already told your brother I'm not sure what I will do after the quest. I want to travel, and study. I don't want to be a burden on you or Thorin. I need to make my own way in the world. If our paths cross in the future, then great. But I don't think being a noble of Erebor is a good idea. It's too complicated."
Fili takes a step forward, and though he's not touching me he seems too close. I take a step back.
"You could never be a burden. Thorin and I would help you. You wouldn't have to be a dam to lead a good life in Erebor."
"Fili," I begin, and though he pauses, I find myself unable to continue. A low burn begins in my heart.
"You have done so much for our company. You've taken care of us, and we could do the same for you in Erebor. As a small repayment for what you have done for us. You'd be cared for, protected. You could be happy."
I laugh nervously. "You sound like you're trying to convince me."
"And if I am?" Fili challenges, effectively shutting off my laughter. He grabs my hand, and it's only now that I remember dwarves can see quite well in the dark. Unlike humans.
"I want you safe. And cared for."
"I can take care of myself."
"Loved."
The word drops like a stone.
My heart gives a wild, terrified leap, and my hand in Fili's is freezing. I don't even pretend to misunderstand what he means.
"Fili. You only think you love me. I am a human, you are a dwarf. We are friends yes, but nothing more. Your people wouldn't allow it."
"I would make them see reason." "You are the one not seeing reason! I'm not interested! It's—how do I explain this? I'm not attracted to people romantically or sexually unless I have a deep emotional bond with them first. Like best friends."
"We are friends Aspen," Fili's voice takes on a pleading tone, and his hand grips mine tighter. "We don't have to do anything about it now, or even several years from now, but Aspen, I know I love you. If you would let me show you—"
I pull my hand away.
"No."
Silence.
"What?"
"I said no. I know what you think Fili and my answer is no. I'm not interested. And what you feel is not real. You are deluded by the enchantment of this forest." I finish quietly. Tears start to burn in my eyes, but I blink them away.
"I will stay with you until my contract is finished, and after that, I will leave. I cannot be trapped Fili. I can't remain beneath a mountain my entire life. I would suffocate.
"You're a fine dwarf Fili, and any dam will be lucky to have you. But it won't be me. I am not the one you need by your side."
I turn to leave, only walking a few paces before Fili's broken voice stops me. "You said you would stand by me as long as I needed you."
"Goodnight Fili," I say, and move away from him and my turbulent emotions, following the noise of the others.
I don't know what to think, or even if I should think. I feel sorry for him. The forest has messed with his head too much. He thinks he's in love with me. I shake my head and lie down next to Bombur, hearing footfalls behind me and the low voice of Kili.
I can think no more on it. Closing my eyes, I drift off to sleep besides Bombur, all too aware of the teary eyes that rest on me.
