Starbuck tried not to let the silence bother him. They were at the table he preferred as he kicked back enjoying his familiar spot, his boots up on the chair Jolly had just vacated to go talk to a pretty gal at the bar. He was comfortable, but he couldn't say the same for Jake. The kid was on the edge of his seat, his shoulders hunched. He had a surly twist to his lips as he looked around warily, both elbows on the table guarding his drink. Starbuck wondered, had the young man ever been in here without him? He doubted it. Crius had just recently come down on his own for a drink. Six sectars and the Copper Squadron still kept to themselves.

Jake noticed Starbuck checking on him, and he grunted thanks for the drink before taking a long swallow. Starbuck watched him drink, not sure how to start the conversation he really wanted to have about the time Jake and Rene spent in Dante's office. Now seated beside Jake, the two of them having a rare moment that they were getting along, he wondered if he even should broach the subject or just let it go.

Discussing what was going on with the fleet and the possible new contact with Dante's civilian fleet was a safer topic. Starbuck shared what he thought his role would be on the Shiva and asked if the young man had any insights. Jake confirmed that none of the Rats had known much about the luxury liner, or the fleet Dante had put together, only the number of ships, verifying what Gage had intimated.

"About twenty odd ships, maybe more, smaller than the ones in this fleet. Mostly privately owned vessels, big space yachts, lightly armed if at all. But the cylons were attacking and we were on the run. Every man for himself. I hate it when I think like Dante, but we weren't eating much, a meal a day if we were lucky, then not at all. Civilians weren't contributing to a solution, instead they expected our Commander to provide them with something. They were unarmed and lacking supplies. We didn't have anything to share but protection. Don't get me wrong, I didn't want them to die. I was at that battle when we lost them. We were the first squadron to launch. Dante wasn't sacrificing the civilians, he was sacrificing me, Rene, the other Rats. We were just trying to survive."

"Sounds like a rough situation. It wasn't unreasonable for them to expect something from a Colonial Commander. Part of the colonial creed, after all, is to protect and serve. He went back to the colonies when he heard of the attack. He still followed the creed then." Starbuck wondered when that had changed. He'd read Dante's service record. He'd been a Lt. Colonel before the destruction with a decent amount of commendations. He'd been a good warrior before he seized control of his own fleet and fiefdom.

"Yeah, he did," Jake replied, "But that's also why we didn't have anything to give. I think they were at the tail end of a resupply. He didn't show up on Caprica for about four or five sectons. I don't think he was looking to rescue people. I think he was desperate for supplies. Those of us he rescued, we were an afterthought. He stopped to check out the academy, sure they'd have something to offer. He got us. He was pretty pissed once he found out we'd not been attending the academy."

"Did you find any academy warriors in your captivity?" Starbuck asked. If the Rats talked little about the Zakar, they spoke even less about those few weeks after the Cylons took over their homeworld.

"A few, but uniforms earned you extra attention you did not want."

Starbuck nodded, not really wanting to know the details of that statement, shifting back to what might help him now deal with the luxury liner. "You really don't think the bastard used the civilian ships for cover or something?"

Jake shook his head, and Starbuck tried to remember that the kid still had some conflicted emotions when it came to the man that saved him from Caprica. "Dante didn't use the civilian ships for cover or anything, he just cut them loose. Some tried to follow, but a battlecruiser was built for speed. Back in those days, when I wasn't fighting cylons, I was fighting other warriors daily on the Zakar just to keep us safe, so it was really hard to worry about anybody else, you know? Plus, I wasn't exactly invited to the briefings."

"I know. No judgment on that. Crius explained that you guys were pretty low then, sleeping in corridors and trying to learn how to fly. It took me three yahrens to fly a viper. You guys did it in three sectons. That was enough to hold your full attention."

Jake grunted in reply. "Not given a choice. Do or die."

"Very motivated, and you are a good pilot. I'm with Apollo on this, you just skipped the felgercarb and got down to the real flying." The compliment didn't land right as Jake's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "I'm not blowing smoke up your turbos. I've flown with you. Giles says you're better than he is. Added to that is the fact you are a damn fine medic. You're a good warrior and we're lucky to have you." Starbuck waved over the barkeep for two more drinks, sliding his half finished mug towards Jake, who picked it up, draining it before taking the new one.

"Not given a choice. Do or die," Jake reiterated.

"There is that. The cylons don't make it easy and Dante was a cruel commander, but you survived the Zakar despite the abuses and made it to Dilmun. You learned a lot of things along the way. You guys don't talk about it much. Maybe you should." He threw out the gambit, but Jake just grunted again as he examined the contents of his mug.

Starbuck tried again, reminding himself that the young man could be very vocal when he wanted to be. "So, Crius is the one who tells me the most about what happened on the Zakar, not Rene. She told me some things but only when I ask. Crius is the one who told me first about what happened to the two of you in Dante's office. He wanted me to understand why you and her are close when you're not trying to kill each other. He tried to tell me how it was, but he wasn't there, was he? You were."

Jake nodded, staring into his ambrosia like it held all the answers before draining it. He plunked the mug down on the table before he fixed Starbuck with his gaze. "What do you want to know? How many times they raped Rene? That sounds like a fun conversation to you?"

Starbuck didn't flinch away from Jake's angry glare. Anger was a good tool to push people off topic. He'd used it a few times himself. It worked well with most people when they wandered into dangerous territory, but he wasn't wandering. He knew this mine field and intended to traverse it despite the threat of an explosion or two, so he answered Jake honestly.

"No, it doesn't, but I would lay cubits that you could tell me exactly how many times. And I bet you fought them every time. That's what's on those recordings. You did everything you could, but like you just said, you were starved, and beaten, fighting every cycle to survive. They had the upper hand. You didn't surrender. You fought them. That is the conversation I want to have. I want to hear your side. I've heard Rene's and all she told me is how close they came to killing you. She doesn't remember what they did to her, she remembers what they did to you. That's what hurt her the most, and that you wouldn't stop fighting. I admire that about you in case I haven't told you. Despite the odds, you don't give up."

Jake just grunted again, before looking over his shoulder to call for another drink. "Oh, I've given up a few times. How many are they going to let me have?"

"Probably not enough," Starbuck answered. "You might be at your limit, and mine aren't going to go far either. I thought we could try this conversation sober, well, somewhat less drunk. Last time we got as far as your rescue from Caprica before you puked on me."

"And if I don't want to talk? Like you said, it's between me and Rene," Jake replied, taking the drink from the barkeep, nodding to the man's words that it would be his last.

"Then we don't talk. You and Rene keep your secrets and I live with incomplete information. Not the first time, I suspect it won't be the last with you two." He was gratified to see that his words to Jake had the right effect, as the young man leaned back getting comfortable in his own chair. If Jake could keep control of the information and the conversation, he might actually talk.

They sat in silence for a few moments, not an uncomfortable one, but Starbuck couldn't resist adding, "I'm just trying to help. I'm not a big fan of Dixon either, but the astrum wipe is right that 2I do feel better after I talk to him."

"Have you talked to him yet about what you two went through on Caprica and what's keeping you up at night?" Jake asked. It deflected the conversation, turned the tables actually, and It was Starbuck's turn to contemplate the contents of his mug, cheap ambrosia, probably made on the agro ship as an afterthought with scraps of rotten fruit that wouldn't survive the trip to ships in the fleet. It was a far cry from the bottles that kept appearing in his own larder for his middle of the night drinks that helped calm the shakes and chase off the nightmares.

"Thanks for saving me from the Cylons," Starbuck blurted out. "I wasn't sure we were going to make it much longer." He could feel his body tense, the familiar aches erupting as memories assaulted him like a pinwheel attack. His voice was low and tight. "They could shut me off. I couldn't move no matter how hard I tried." He gritted his teeth, unable to meet Jake's probing gaze. "I couldn't do anything but watch what they did to Rene. They damn near killed her," he spat.

"Yeah, that's what you said. Had to be pretty awful if you're still dreaming about it."

"Could have been worse," Starbuck said looking up to him. "We could have been left there. I owe you a rescue."

Jake snorted a sarcastic bark of a laugh. "Is that what this is, trying to get me to talk? Are you trying to go back in time and rescue me to even the score? Talking won't save me. Have you got a time machine somewhere and a dozen blasters? That might be what it would take." Jake shook his head. "You couldn't save me even if you did. Your being there wouldn't have changed a thing. It was the Commander. He controlled everything. The food we ate, the water we drank, the air we breathed."

"I would have tried. I wouldn't have left you there," Starbuck said with conviction.

Jake shook his head. "People tried. They wound up in the brig. Sometimes I think Rene was right, I should have just stopped fighting and let them have her. It might have been over sooner. He might have lost interest and…and sometimes I think I should have just let them kill me. But then they'd still be hurting Rene, and she needed me. Either way the bastards win and Rene is hurt. Sometimes I wish we'd all died when the cylons attacked. Might have made things easier." Jake shook his head again, slumping back in his chair and looking away.

It was not the first time Starbuck had heard those words from someone about the end of their worlds. But this time it was from Jake and that was a new one. Rene always indicated that the destruction was a blessing for her and the older Sewer Rats. They were facing criminal convictions and going nowhere in life but down. Now he had to wonder if that was just another of Rene's fabrications, created to make something good out of a bad situation.

"Were you and Rene together then on the Zakar?" Starbuck asked. No one had been clear on the details of Jake and Rene's relationship, only that it was on and off, messy and complicated.

Jake nodded and Starbuck thought he was going to leave it at that, but Jake turned back to him adding some clarification. "We have been together since sixth grade. On and off again sometimes, but we were on again before the destruction. I think it was just because I might be heading to a penal colony and we thought if we were together, she would be able to join me there if she got in trouble too. It was going pretty good, minus an arrest or two. Decent gigs, enough money to keep us off the streets. I might have beaten the charge and we could get our own place and," he shrugged before looking down at his mug again. "Then the world was gone and we were trying to live to see the sunrise one more time. Yeah, we were together on the Zakar."

"When did Kenan come into the picture?" Starbuck asked, the dead man's name felt odd to his lips. It was taboo to speak the man's name in Rene's presence.

"After Dante's office party," Jake said, looking up to make sure he was meeting Starbuck's eyes. "After we'd launched and landed a few times. Nobody was interested in us until then."

"So, it was Kenan that broke you two up?" Starbuck asked.

Jake didn't answer him at first, looking away in the distance, before turning back. "No."

In the low light of the OC Jake suddenly looked like a very old man, and Starbuck wondered if the conversation should be done. He didn't mean to cause the kid any more pain than he'd already suffered. He was about to shift the topic, when Jake spoke.

"Dante did that. It fraked it up. Dante fraked everything up. I was fraked up. I still tried to make it work every now and then, and she…" he sighed heavily. "She let me try when she shouldn't have and that was fraked up. Kenan was a good guy, didn't deserve that, but she'd been mine first and I nearly fraked that up too. Everything was fraked. Everything I touched I fraked up."

Starbuck thought he got what Jake was saying, but he didn't like going off conjecture, not when it came to Rene and Jake. That's how you ran into a mine in their explosive relationship.

"So she was with Kenan, and with you sometimes, is that it?"

"Something like that. Like I said, it was fraked. He and I worked it out. It benefited all of us having a Colonial on our side. We made an arrangement," Jake answered vaguely.

Starbuck nodded, wondering if he wanted more clarification or if he just should explain that those kinds of arrangements weren't going to work for him. "He was okay with that? You and her still fraking? Or was the arrangement that he had no clue what was going on behind his back?"

Jake grinned at him for just a moment before dropping his features to a more serious guise. "It was crazy busy cycles, launching into impossible battles with little training. We thought we were going to die. We weren't playing by any rules, you know? Just enjoying the moments we had. I didn't think it would matter in the long run. I didn't care what I fraked up because I didn't plan on living to deal with the consequences. I damn near didn't live. If I died, she could be faithful to Kenan then. That's how fraked up my thinking was. And it's not like our fracking changed anything, she was still with him and the commander and anyone else he decided she should be with. It was fraked up how much fraking was going on, and none of it mattered."

Starbuck nodded, somewhat understanding, but not necessarily agreeing with him. The fraking mattered, but even on the Galactica inhibitions were a lot lower right after the destruction. Mostly it just led to things like Apollo marrying quickly and Athena and Cassiopeia not putting demands on Starbuck for fidelity. Dante had purposely recruited pretty young women, and in a way, it was a good idea to give your warriors something to live for. Love for a woman was a good motivator. Only with the lowered inhibitions, morals tossed out airlocks, it wasn't about love. It turned into a free for all. Crius described parties, until the booze was gone, then the attention was on the girls, fraking like there was no tomorrow. He'd had his own moments of not giving a care for the consequences, a launch tube and steam burns came to mind. Loyalty didn't seem as important then as it did now. He and Jake had more in common that he wanted to admit at the moment.

Jake must have read something in his features as a guilty look invaded his eyes, "I gave Rene away to you at your sealing. You don't have to worry. I know where I stand."

"And where do you stand, if you don't mind me asking?" Starbuck asked, curious about the answer. He was pretty sure Rene had been faithful to him, but that didn't mean Jake hadn't tried, or did it? Had the young man learned his lesson with Kenan?

Jake picked up his mug, examined Starbuck over the rim of it before he drank and set it down. "I'm playing the long game."

Starbuck nodded, digesting that he'd been right all along when it came to Rene's friend who still wanted to be her lover. Or the kid was messing with him, which was equally plausible, so he thought he should clear through the felgercarb. "I'm not making any arrangements like you had with Kenan. I want to trust you and I don't want you fraking my wife."

"Look," Jake leaned forward, "Love isn't just about fraking. I learned that in Dante's office. Who claims your body doesn't claim you. There's more to it than that, you know that. I know where I stand, brother and I'm not fracking your wife. But you need to understand something. We're all pilots. One of us is going to go eventually. Kenan did. I'm the backup plan. And if she goes first, you won't have to worry about me for long."

Starbuck sat back nodding, trying to decide if he needed to lay down the rules again. "That's going to be one hades of a long con because I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. I am a damn fine pilot, you could be too if you put some effort into it. I decided a long time ago that I am going to die a very old man, with Rene by my side. You might want to find some other game to play to the end."

Jake shook his head at him. "Not my decision. Rene has made all the decisions when it comes to me and her. I tried making some, they were all fraking bad decisions, so I leave it up to her. She decides how this goes. You're having this conversation with the wrong person."

"Is that so?" Starbuck countered. "I don't have a say in this? I am the husband, and we've already talked about my views on a healthy relationship. First off, who claims your body should be your choice, someone you love, or it's abuse. Second, I don't think it means fraking more than one at a time."

Jake laughed at that. "Says the man who loves them and leaves them. Or just loves them all. Do I need to list them off for you? Cassie, Athena, Aurora, Noday…I know the legendary stories." His words dripped in bitterness.

Starbuck held up a hand in surrender. Jake had him on that point, but whenever there were more than two people involved in his relationships, it never went well. He recalled the stress of his time on the Rising Star before a long patrol, trying to participate in two dates at a time. Chaos and hurt feelings all around, and all he got out of it was an empty cubit pouch and the loss of his insignia pins.

"Sometimes a story is only a story, little brother. I didn't seal with anyone else. I'm dedicated to Rene."

"For now," Jake tossed out like a jab to the jaw.

Starbuck tried not to react. "For now, for always. That's the vow we took. You were there. I would hope you would respect that."

Jake looked away as he reached into his inside jacket pocket, pulling out two fumarellos, handing one to Starbuck before he lit his own.

Starbuck wondered if the conversation was done, but the young man was still there. So he lit his fumarello, noting that the blend was Jake's own mix of tabac with something extra that cut the edge off the tension. Was it within regulations? Should he even ask or just take the gift?

Jake took a couple of puffs before looking his way again. "You don't have to worry about me. I was there for that vow. I respect what you think you're doing with her. But like I said, it's not my decision, nor is it yours. Rene's in the cockpit doing the flying. She's the one in control, always has been. You want to know what happened in Dante's office? That's what happened. They were beating the pogees out of me, planning to kill me since the cylons hadn't. She took control of the situation. She did what she had to to keep us both alive. I gave her my life and she made a vow with me. If she dies, I die. If I die…" he hesitated for a micron before going on, "She dies. But even before we had kids, I made her promise to go on. But I can't. I won't. She goes and I'm gone. No one has come along that's changed that. I'm sorry Starbuck, but that's just the honest truth. You are stuck with me and that's the arrangement. Don't like it, talk to Rene. She's the one who decides."

Starbuck nodded again, noting that he knew that arrangement when he sealed with Rene the first time. The complicated relationship of the three of them was solidified on Caprica. He publicly accepted the situation when he sealed with her on the Rising Star. He was trying to decide how to say it now to Jake that he respected their bond, but maybe it was time to let the vow go. The young man had a life, kids, even someone he was seeing. Jake and Rene were safe now from abuse, they didn't need to keep that vow to keep their friendship. Starbuck was part of that vow now, like it or not.

"No, I have a say and so do you. You are your own person, in your own cockpit. You have decisions to make and a life to live. People are depending on you. I'm depending on you."

Jake shook his head at him again, rolling his eyes. "For what Bucko, for me to frak up again and to be a pain in your backside?"

"You are that," Starbuck muttered, shaking his own head. "But I never had a brother before and I'm told they are all those things and more. If I lose Rene, I'm going to need you. I am not letting you keep that vow. That's the new pact between me and you now. I live, you live.."

"Even if you lose her to me?" Jake jibed back.

"You are not my competition no matter how much you think you are. I've got you beat hands down," Starbuck replied, jabbing back.

"You are overconfident, and annoyingly optimistic. Got that whole pretty boy vibe going for you that just grates on the nerves. I can see the attraction for some. The lack of brains is definitely a drawback though."

Nodding, Starbuck was about to joke back about Jake's surly attitude and how messed up his face might get wrestling with all his demons which definitely upped the odds in Starbuck's favor but Jake spoke up before he could banter back.

"The baby is not mine. We weren't together the few cycles before you showed up. Gage might be the father. She was with him the night before we came to the Galactica."

Starbuck flinched. If Jake was trying to hit him with his words, he succeeded, a sucker punch, and there was no point in hiding it.

Jake kept going, another jab Starbuck couldn't avoid. "Gage is still in the picture, but with him trying to give Rene away at the sealing and how he's acting with you, I don't think he's going to ask to find out if it's his. But Salik has run enough tests, he knows the genetic markers. He's sealed her records and I can't get into them."

"And you would know that because you've tried, am I right?" Starbuck asked.

"Of course I have. Rene knows too, only she's not saying."

"She says it's mine," Starbuck countered, but Jake shook his head.

"Has she? Has she said straight out 'You're the father'?"

Starbuck shook his head, leaning back in annoyance, using his command privilege for the second time that day, calling for two drinks, waving his approval. He waited for the drinks to arrive, agreeing to the barkeep's words that as Captain, Starbuck was taking responsibility for any situations that may arise from too many drinks in too short of time.

He took a deep drink, trying to swallow his irritation that came from the fact that Jake was right, she hadn't actually said the words "You're the father." In fact, he found out that Rene was pregnant from Jake, who had come the closest of anyone to acknowledging that it was Starbuck's. At the time the kid was trying to manipulate him. So why was Jake telling him this now? What angle was he working? What was he trying to deflect and distract Starbuck from or was he trying to give him a brotherly warning? Jake might not be the threat to his marriage, it might be Gage?

No, it had to be their damn code. Jake didn't want to talk, so he went with the "deny everything, shift the blame" approach rather than admitting his own part in the problem. Jake let Dante and the destruction, and everything else frak him, and he didn't care what else he fraked up.

"You look," Starbuck said angrily before moderating his tone, "The baby is mine. End of story. Even if you were in the mix along with half of Dilmin, I don't care! I made a vow, twice in fact. The whole damn fleet saw it. That's the arrangement. I understand you two are close. I have never tried to change that. You sleep on my couch every night and I haven't said a word!"

He leaned closer, lowering his voice to make sure that Jake understood he'd crossed a line. "But you are not joining us in that bed, or in each other's grave, you got that?"

"For Sagan's Sake Starbuck!" Jake said disgustedly.

"My point is, you don't want to talk to me about what happened with Dante, fine. You got it. You don't have to piss me off to make me stop. Just say "Stop, I don't want to talk." and I will honor that. Just know that I think you made that vow with Rene in a horrible situation. You were beaten and dying. She would have agreed to anything to keep you going, even to never talk about it again if that's what you wanted. I know, because she did the same for me on Caprica, vowed we would go together or not at all. If I died, she was dying."

Starbuck leaned even closer, resisting the urge to reach out and grab the lapel of Jake's jacket, to make sure the kid was looking at him. "Its just stupid words said in a dire circumstance to get the other person to not give up. You are not giving up, neither am I. You said it, you are playing the long game and I'm holding you to that. You want to be the backup plan, fine. But I need a backup plan too. But while we are all planning for our happy little deaths, why not play the short game? Dante's dead. It's time to move beyond what happened in his office, to put it behind both of you. You survived it, and more. You don't owe anyone your life. You only owe yourself to live it."

Jake sighed heavily in response to his words, as if they were the most annoying thing he'd ever heard as he looked away. Starbuck didn't let it stop him, moving even closer, invading Jake's personal space.

"You deserved a rescue. I wasn't there then, but I am now."

Jake looked back at him, rolling his eyes. "I rescued you, remember?"

"And I owe you my life." Starbuck leaned back a little, opening his arms wide. "It's all yours, buddy. Question is, what are you going to do with it because I've got a pretty sweet life. A pretty wife who dotes on me, a whole passel of adorable children, and a brother who can be alright when he's not being a pain in my astrum. I live in quarters fit for a king and there are three meals a day, plus a decent commander leading the way, with a hope of a home in the future. Why would anyone want to frak that up?"

Having enumerated it out loud, it did sound pretty wonderful, and he leaned back in his chair, taking a long drag from the fumarello. Jake's blend did smooth out the rough edges of the battlestar. Another point in Starbuck's favor, he had a battlestar at his back and a couple of battlecruisers to send for backup. He was in the safest place to be in the universe at the moment. Life was good.

He took another drag, blowing a smoke ring in Jake's direction, pleased that it formed up and launched the kid's way.

"So what's it going to be? Stay in your messy mong filled past you already fraked up, or step into the bright not fraked up yet future?"

Jake didn't say anything, and that was fine by Starbuck. The guy wanted to not talk, they wouldn't talk. He wanted his secrets; he could keep his secrets. Starbuck had tried. More than most had done for Jake lately and it would have to be good enough.

Starbuck cleared his throat before he said, "I'm going to be gone for a few cycles, it might be more. I need you to keep the family together. Rene falls apart when I'm not around, doesn't sleep and won't eat. Make her do both. Lizbet can only take on so many kids at once and Dara's busy with duties on the bridge. Nik is lazy and Jason is missing Cain. I need you to keep everyone flying straight. Don't frak it up."

"Yes sir," Jake said with only a hint of surly sarcasm.

"For the record, the only one who has seen those recordings is Sheba and maybe Apollo. I trust both of them with my life, more than I do you. I asked them to keep most of what they find, especially concerning you and Rene, to themselves. They agreed."

A nod. That was the only recognition Jake gave to the words. Well, what did he expect? Jake didn't trust anyone.

"Do me a favor, stick to the couch. It should be a comfy one."

Jake's lips curled up in a sardonic smile. "That's up to Rene."

"Enjoy the couch," he said, not rising to the bait. "And when I get back, we can play more triad. I'd like to try a few matches with you as my partner, not as my adversary."

Jake nodded again. "That could be interesting, seeing if you can keep up with me."

"I can keep up. The officials are going to be busy flagging you for those tackles. You need to switch them up a little. More focus on the ball might let you get away with a few of your moves though."

Starbuck shifted the conversation to triad, a topic neither of them could frak up. They only stayed until Jolly finished his drinks, then headed back down to the quarters, making it in time to help put the last of the kids to bed. Rene was quiet, only quirking an eyebrow at him when he suggested they bring Kiff and Kalea to sleep in their own bed. It was big enough that Kiff could kick to his heart's content and not bother him. With Jake there, sleeping is all that would be happening.

Before turning in, he headed into the food prep area, found the bottle of ambrosia on the counter, bringing it out with glasses for himself, Jake and Jolly who had claimed one of the three couches in the main room. With all the kids sleeping with their parents, it seemed there was room for more in their quarters. He wondered if they needed to work out some arrangements that left the parents with time to be alone every once in a while. He didn't like the idea of his love making having to be scheduled on a duty roster, but that was better than just foregoing it altogether.

He poured drinks, setting Jolly's on the floor beside him as his friend mumbled, "Good night skipper."

"Thanks for this," Starbuck said.

"More comfortable than my bunk and sure smells better than the barracks. I'm in charge until you get back. Don't worry," Jolly replied.

"Easier said than done," he mumbled, heading for his room.

Jake was on the couch, Kalea sound asleep on his chest. Starbuck held up the mug to him, and Jake shifted to sit up reaching for it. Starbuck took his own mug and gently clinked Jake's.

"Good dreams," Starbuck said softly.

"If she kills you, do I get to sleep in the bed then?" Jake joked, at least Starbuck hoped it was a joke.

"No. My ghost is haunting that bed."

Starbuck set his drink on the bedside table, just in case he had a need for it later, tucked Kiff in as he had kicked off the covers already, and headed for the turbo. Rene was still in there, water running in the turbo wash.

He stripped off his tunic, took a look to see how bruised he might be, when Rene finally spoke while wiping away the steam fogging the turbo wash door, "You joining me or what?"

"Wasn't sure if I was wanted," he said, not hesitating to pull off his boots and his pants. He opened the door of the stall, enjoying the view of his wife's profile for a moment. She was beautiful and he now understood why people often said pregnant women glowed. She did, it radiated from her, the sun lighting up his world. She opened her arms to him. He wrapped his around her, thanking his lucky stars again for her making it this far.

"You didn't kill each other so can I assume it went well?" she asked, pulling away to find him the soap. "You're not too bruised. Tell me you got a few hits on him as well?"

He was gratified to find she wasn't mad, and he wondered if it had all been an act before. "You weren't kidding, he can do some damage. He's fast, but I got him a few times." He took the time to clean up while he considered what his next move should be. He wanted to ask her about some of what they had talked about in the OC, about Dante and Kenan and even more importantly about the baby. But he was leaving tomorrow and for a brief moment, everything was going well. "Why rock that boat?" he thought to himself.

"Are you too tired?" she asked, as her hand slid down his stomach, going lower, wrapping around him, an invitation.

"You don't have to," he said. Her hand slid down lower, squeezing him a little too tight.

"I know I don't. This is why I don't like to talk about Dante and his office. Everyone gets weird ideas about what happened and how I should feel about it. But you know what, Bucko, it's not what you think."

She eased up her grip, sliding her hand up then back down, softer, and slower. "This is not what happened." She tilted her head up to him, her hand still moving on him, sensual and slow, as she kissed him deeply, her tongue sliding in as her other hand reached up to cradle his head.

He got the message as she took control of the passion and his pleasure. This was in her command, consensual and loving. She dropped to her knees, and he reached out for the wall as his own knee threatened to give out again at the touch of her tongue. Her lips silenced any conscious thought as he moaned loudly, "Oh lords, Rene."

When she was done, she rose back up to him, and he took her in his arms, trying to spin her back to the wall for support, but it was wet and slippery, he couldn't hold her up and her growing belly was a hindrance. He growled in frustration as he shut off the water, reaching for the towels to dry them both off before he suggested, "The floor."

It wasn't ideal, the marble was slippery, but Rene just laughed as he struggled to get a grip, towels sliding around. She suggested he let her take the lead. He was open to any of her suggestions as it ended with her calling his name and him thanking the lords she was in his life.

Laying on the floor with her in his arms, he really didn't want to leave tomorrow for the rear of the fleet. Jake was right, and it was there burrowing into his brain. They were pilots. It was a dangerous job before the destruction. Most chose to never marry, not wanting to leave a widow behind. It was just a matter of time before a cylon got lucky and shot him down. What the frak had he been thinking?

"Do you know about Jake's back up plan?" he asked without thinking.

"Backup plan? For what?" she asked.

"For if I die."

Rene shifted, pulling herself away so she could look him in the eye. "For if you die? Don't tell me you boys have it all worked out, do you? Backup plan, is that it? You think that's all that's standing between me and him being together is you? You die and you think Jake is going to just take your place?"

"No," he said cautiously. "No, I don't. He does."

"Oh. Yeah, I bet he does. You had some drinks in the OC didn't you? You get a drink in him, and he forgets how it all went down. He forgets what he did and didn't do. I will not be with Jake. It's not his choice, it's mine. I decide what happens to me, whether you're dead or not. Fraking men! You die, I'm not even staying in this fleet. I am long gone where no one will find me. I open a rift and I am out of here."

He froze in shock. "What?"

"I'm not winding up with Jake. I am going to find just how far I can go with what I do. I'm going to find the limit and push past it. That's my back up plan, getting as far away as I can from here. fraking idiot men." She started to get up, but he held on tight, gripping even tighter as she struggled.

"Wait, you're only staying in the fleet because of me?"

"Yes," she looked at him in exasperation, before reading the shock in his expression. He tried to hide it, the pain that he was holding her back from something else that she wanted, but she caught it, changing her words. "No, that's not what I meant. I mean if you aren't with me, if you are dead, there's no point in me staying here. Not without you."

He shook his head, "You Rats and your suicide pacts. Have you considered anyone else in this? The kids maybe? Your friends?"

"Starbuck," she started to say but he cut her off.

"Have you considered being with Gage or something?"

It was Rene's turn to shake her head in shock. "Are you drunk? I can't believe you would even suggest that!"

"Well, you were with him before the Galactica came along and it's better than death by magical powers."

"Oh my Lords, Starbuck! I was only with Gage because I was looking for some protection for Dante and his lackeys. You're the one who pointed out that maybe I shouldn't confuse that with love. What the frak did Jake and you talk about?"

"Nothing. Everything. Vows, suicide pacts. If I'm gone you need a plan that doesn't leave you dead too. That's what's going to happen if you push past the limits of what you can do." He gripped her tighter, hoping she could feel the conviction of his words.

"For Sagan's sake, I never thought I would have to say this, but no more triad and no more drinks in the OC. That's it." She said, but he sensed she was joking. "You're grounded. Well, figuratively."

"I'm serious Rene. If I die, that doesn't mean you die too. You need to live your life and stay in the fleet and…"

"Oh for Frak's sake. You don't get to decide that. It's my decision what I do or don't do, not yours."

"Promise me," he implored, needing her to say it. Yes, he understood that if he was dead, there would be nothing he could control, but he needed her to know he wanted her to live her life here.

"Starbuck, I am not talking about your death the night before you are leaving me for a mission. I'm not doing it. I already made a vow to you, where you go, I go. Where you stay, I stay. I meant it. Now you prove it by staying with me. You promised."2

He shook his head in frustration. "It's just a mission. I'll be back."

"Okay, and maybe you should get some sleep before that mission. Sleep off those drinks and get rid of any ideas you two concocted for my backup plan."

He ground his teeth in frustration, not just at her, but that Jake had gotten into his head. Her soft hand to his cheek turned him towards her and she tried to read his features before she tenderly stroked his cheek. She ran a finger lightly down his jawline to get him to unclench the muscle, before placing a finger to his lips. "I promise, alright? But you have to promise too. Your odds at survival are better than mine and much like you, I'd rather we focus on what we have now."

"Yeah, me too," he said softly, kissing the finger to his lips.

"Then say it. I promise to stop playing triad and having drinks in the OC because it makes me say stupid things."

He rolled his eyes, sighing, as he eased up his grip on her. "I'm not saying that."

"I see. Then you do have a few things to live for. And I thought you only lived for me. I was warned triad would come first, but I thought you would at least try to hide your affair. Really Starbuck, I'm hurt." Her voice dripped with sarcasm.

"I promise." he said softly and it was her turn to sigh as she understood he wasn't talking about triad.

"Okay, let's get us to bed and we can sort out all the vows and pacts and secret compacts in the morning."

She removed her finger, replacing it with her lips as she kissed him soft and sweet. "Promise to save all those for me," she said as she disentangled herself from him and the towels.

"I promise." He gathered up clothing and towels and threw it all in the recycler before reaching for something to sleep in, noticing that Rene's choice was one of his old shirts he'd held onto from when he was on Serenity searching for seed, another lifetime ago.

They crawled under the covers, and he wrapped an arm around Rene and another around her son. He vowed to enjoy the moment, wanting to hold on to the family around him, but he was out in a micron. Too soon the chrono was chiming and his ambrosia on the bedside table had remained untouched.