Santa Puck

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee

Chapter 1: The Clause

On Christmas Eve, Noah Puckerman woke up to the sound of something on the roof of his house. He saw a man pulling a sleigh with eight reindeer on the roof as soon as he stepped outside. As soon as he shouted, "Hey, you!" The man soon falls; then Noah immediately looks through the guy's pockets. He soon finds a note that says, "If anything happens to me, put on the suit." Which makes him say, "Yeah, right." Then he bumps into a ladder leaning against his house.

As soon as he put on the suit, his dark hair turned white, and a beard started to grow on his face. Although, the suit fits well everywhere else. The seams on the sleeves ripped because of his muscles. Soon he was on the roof in the sleigh and took the reins as he said, "Well, I'm not Tim Allen, but here goes. Go!"

Soon, Noah delivers toys to kids everywhere, and his last stop was at Kurt Hummel-Anderson's house. Noah was pretty quick and stealthy at the other homes, but when he saw Tracie Elizabeth Anderson asleep on the couch with the Nerf gun he had got her last year. It makes him stop and smirk before he hears Kurt screaming.

At one point, he heard Blaine whisper, "Puck?" Before he turned around. Then Noah puts his finger to his mouth and rushes to save Kurt from a masked man. The sheer sight of Noah as a muscular Santa scared the guy off. After Blaine checks on Kurt and Tracie, who are asleep, he says to Noah, "Ha, let me guess, you scared the old Santa the same way Tim Allen did. Look, I'm not saying a word to anyone, but you better hope Tracie doesn't find out. You are her favorite person, and Santa is her least favorite. Well, you better get moving."

Noah chuckles as he looks at Tracie and says, "Good thing I was renting my house from you and thanks for keeping quiet on that too. I'm sure everybody will think I ran off without paying. So, it won't bother me if that's what you tell them and tell Mick I found a better job."

After this, Noah head to the North Pole. When he gets out of the sleigh, a grumpy-looking elf named Stan says, "Two hundred years without one slip and now the one guy whose family has been on the naughty list for decades is our replacement Santa. Your sister Sarah is the only reason the old Santa\ came to your house. I will say this; you are faster, and better looking."

Noah chuckled and said, "I guess the Santa Diet of milk and cookies does not affect me. I will have to get used to the white hair and goatee. Charlie Tribs ran into me at Blaine Anderson's house." He pauses and shakes his head as he continues, "Knowing about everybody around the world will too." Anyway, Blaine is the only one that knows I'm the new Santa. I don't think Charlie knew, but Blaine will keep his mouth shut."

Soon, Stan looked at something on an iPad and said, "You're safe. Charlie was too high to recognize you. You know you'll have to get Quinn to marry you next November to keep being Santa. Those Tim Allen movies weren't total fiction, and Quinn is your only hope of keeping this job." Then Noah heard a beeping noise before Stan said, "Don't worry. That was just a notification, letting me know you are off the naughty list again. Your rude nature gets you in trouble a lot."

Noah chuckles and says, "So, becoming Santa Claus got me off the naughty list. Sorry about ripping the sleeves on the coat. I guess the last guy was smaller in the arms. I'm glad the pants have a drawstring, and I had my knife on me. So I could put a notch in the belt and didn't have to use my own. I also had to use my own boots too, and with my military training. I might be a better Santa Claus than the last guy."

Then another older elf named Mack says, "I'm your tailor, Mack, and if having no sleeves didn't bother you last night, I can tailor your coats to your preference, and frankly, I've been waiting for a Santa Clause like you. You might put a lot of women back on the good list and one little girl who wants to be your daughter. Tracie has been asking for a more powerful Dad for a couple of years, and we can't give her that. Although she never said she wanted you as her father, the fact remains. That you are the only big guy Tracie knows, and you are her favorite person. Ha, she wasn't asleep and heard Blaine talking to you. Stan should have told you this, but knowing everything about everyone is not instant." Soon Noah heard giggling and saw some female elves looking at him.

He raises an eyebrow and says, "Ladies, it's 364 days until next Christmas. Shouldn't you be working on something for next year?" Suddenly, they are running around, and Mack says, "Come with me, Puck. I need to get your measurements, which might take a while since you're the tallest Santa Claus we've had here and apparently the most distracting. We have had eight Santa Clauses in the last two hundred years. You are also the youngest Santa Claus this might be why the Santa diet doesn't affect you. I have that weight bench you asked for when you were ten. The last Santa didn't have the heart to give it to someone else after your dad left you."

As Mack measures Noah, he says, "I guess dad leaving put me on the naughty list and bullying Kurt kept me on it until I became his friend." Soon Mack pokes Noah with a needle and says, "Burt and Nick dated Elizabeth." Then Mack puts his hands over his mouth, and Noah frowns.

When Mack finishes measuring Noah, he says, "She died of cancer, and it was just a coincidence that Nick left around the same time. Nick dumped Elizabeth to be with Norah and couldn't handle the fact he had a daughter. Beth doesn't know about you or Quinn. That is all I know, I promise."

Soon Noah was looking at a screen showing him every human on earth. Then he sees Tracie crying as she stands in front of three gravestones with Kurt and Blaine. One had Rachel St. James written on it, and as Noah saw Burt Hummel and Carole walk up behind her, along with Quinn. He heard Burt ask, "Where the hell is Puck?! I thought he was different then Nick, but he is just the same!"

Then Tracie whispers, "No, he's not." Then she started talking about the Santa Clause movie with Quinn. When Burt looks at Tracie funny, Carole says, "She's been talking about that movie every time someone says anything about Puck. No one has had the heart to tell her. Puck didn't go to the North Pole to be Santa Claus."

Noah chuckles as he says, "If you only knew, Carole, if you only knew." Then he turns to Stan and asks, "Did the other guys before me have to miss out on things like friends dying?"

Stan looks at a wall of pictures of seven men and says, "Santa's first replacement, John had no one to miss him. Richard and his wife had to leave eight grown sons. Thomas's wife returned back to her normal life after fifteen years. Charle made this a family business, and his great-great-grandson Charlie died falling off your roof. He saw the Tim Allen movie and didn't think that would happen to him. Us elves do most of the work here. Your job is to see that we get everything done by Christmas Eve and that kids still believe in you."

Noah watches Tracie chase Quinn in the cemetery as he says, "I know of one that has believed in me." Then he looks over the good and naughty lists.

After being at the North Pole for a month, Noah was going through emails to Santa. When he was surprised to find an email from Quinn saying:

Dear Santa,

All I want for Christmas is my boyfriend, Noah Puckerman. We got into an argument on Christmas Eve after I called him a loser, and I haven't heard from him since. My niece Tracie Anderson thinks he is up there with you. I miss him and want him to know. I still love him, Santa.

God, this is ridiculous. Sorry to whoever is reading this. My boyfriend ran off on Christmas Eve and hooked up with some girl he had met. We have had a rocky relationship for years, and I think my niece has seen the Tim Allen movie way too many times. Look, delete this, and again, I'm sorry.

Quinn Fabray

After reading the letter, he tries to go through the other emails and can't. So he goes to his weights, and Stan reads the other letters. When he finished working out, he checked on every kid everywhere. Then he saw Blaine talk to Rachel's grave, talking to him, saying, "I didn't know where else to go; if you see this, Puck. Your dad is the reason Rachel is dead. I told Mr. H about you, but he didn't believe me. Until he saw the security tape of you turning into Santa. I broke the tape and burned it after that. I would have emailed you about all this, but I thought Kurt would see it. Anyway, I got to go. Rachel got killed when you were at our house. Your dad hired that guy that almost killed Kurt. Well, got to go."

Then Noah looks at the pictures of the Santa Clauses before him and says, "I'm not giving up this job. I will be the best Santa in history. I will get Quinn to believe in me." Then he grabs a whistle and blows it before shouting, "Okay, listen up! Guys, in ten months, if I don't get Quinn Fabray to believe in me. You'll have to find a new Santa. I have only been here for a month. I don't want to leave here. So, I have a plan. If we can get everything ready by the week before Thanksgiving. Come November. Mission Mrs. Claus is a go! Now, let's get to work!" Soon the elves were singing Work Bitch by Britney Spears.

You wanna, you wanna

You want a hot body, you want a Bugatti?

You want a Maserati, you better work, bitch

You want a Lamborghini, sip martinis?

Look hot in a bikini, you better work, bitch

You wanna live fancy, live in a big mansion?

Party in France, you better work, bitch

You better work, bitch, you better work, bitch

You better work, bitch, now get to work, bitch

Now get to work, bitch

Bring it on, ring the alarm

Don't stop now, just be the champion

Work it hard like it's your profession

Watch out now, cause here it comes

Here comes the smasher. Here comes the master

Here comes the big beat, big beat to blast ya.

No time to quit now, just time to get it now

Pick up what I'm putting down, pick up what I'm putting down

You want a hot body, you want a Bugatti?

You want a Maserati, you better work, bitch

You want a Lamborghini, sip martinis?

Look hot in a bikini, you better work, bitch

You wanna live fancy, live in a big mansion?

Party in France, you better work, bitch

You better work, bitch. You better work, bitch

You better work, bitch, now get to work, bitch

Now get to work, bitch

As the elves sing, Noah dances around the workshop.

Break it up, break it down

See me coming, you can hear my sound

Tell somebody in your town

Spread the word, spread the word

Go call the police, go call the governor

I bring the treble, don't mean to trouble ya

I make it bubble up. Call me the bubbler

I am the bad bitch, the bitch that you're loving up.

Hold your head high, fingers to the sky

They gon' try, and try ya, but they can't deny ya.

Keep it moving higher, and higher

Keep it moving higher, and higher

So hold your head high, fingers to the sky

Now they don't believe ya, but they're gonna need ya.

Keep it moving higher, and higher

Keep it moving higher, and higher, and higher

Work, work, work, work

Work, work, work, work

Work, work, work, work

Work, work, work, work

Work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out

Work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out

Work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out

Work it out, work it out

You better work, bitch

You better work, bitch

At the end of the song, he whispers, "Say goodbye to Puck and hello, to Santa Clause with muscles!" Then he surveys the workshop as the elves work.

That night he saw Quinn on the screen, looking out her window before they started to sing Somewhere Out There.

[Quinn]

Somewhere out there

Beneath the pale moonlight

Someone's thinking of me

And loving me tonight

[Puck]

Somewhere out there

Someone's saying a prayer

That we'll find one another

In that big somewhere out there

And even though I know how very far apart we are

It helps to think we might be wishing

On the same bright star

[Quinn]

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby.

It helps to think we're sleeping

Underneath the same big sky

[Quinn and Puck]

Somewhere out there

If love can see us through

Then we'll be together

Somewhere out there

Out where dreams come true

[Puck]

And even though I know how very far apart we are

It helps to think we might be wishing

On the same bright star

[Quinn]

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby.

It helps to think we're sleeping

Underneath the same big sky

[Quinn and Puck]

Somewhere out there

If love can see us through (can see us through)

Then we'll be together

Somewhere out there

Out where dreams come true

Soon Noah was asleep with a smile and dreaming of being with Quinn, hoping he would win her back somehow.

Come Thanksgiving, he is heading back to Lima and likes that his hair is still white. When he enters Kurt and Blaine's house, Tracie runs up to him, screaming, "Saint Nono!" As she hugs him, she whispers in Hebrew, "Queenie is in my room talking to Beff. Don't worry; no one else knows. Papa told me before the others got here, Dada was getting G' Pa Burt and Nana Carole at the time. Papa told Sarah on your birthday, but she didn't believe him until you came in. She's helping Papa with dinner and joked that being Santa was the perfect job for you."

Noah chuckled before they went to Tracie's bedroom and saw Quinn looking out the window. Then Noah clears his throat; the moment she sees Noah; she starts gawking at him. Noah just struts up to her and kisses her lips before saying, "I forgive you, Quinn. Sorry, I left like I did. I was offered a better job up North and had to take it." Then Beth peeked into the room as I Saw Mama Kissing Santa Claus started to play as Beth and Tracie sang along.

(Beth and Tracie)

I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus,

Underneath the mistletoe last night.

She didn't see me creep, down the stairs to have a peek...

She thought that I was tucked up in my bedroom, fast asleep!

Then, I saw mommy tickle Santa Claus,

Underneath his beard so snowy white,

Oh, what a laugh it would have been,

If daddy had only seen.

Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night!

Then Tracie giggled and Noah said, "Beth? Tracie? What are you two doing?" As he was still staring at Quinn, who had no clue the girls were there until she heard them say, "Nothing!" And giggle at each other. At one point in the night, Quinn and Noah were on opposite sides of the room and started singing The Heart Won't Lie.

(Quinn)

Looking back over the years

Of all the things I've always meant to say

But, the words didn't come easily

So many times through empty fears

Of all the nights I tried to pick up the phone

So scared of who might be answering

You try to live your life from day to day.

But seeing you across the room tonight

Just gives me away

(Both)

'Cause the heart won't lie

Sometimes life gets in the way

(Quinn)

But, there's one thing that won't change

I know, I've tried

(Both)

The heart won't lie

You can live your alibi

Who can see you're lost inside

(Quinn)

A foolish disguise?

The heart won't lie

(Noah)

Long after tonight

Will, you still hear my voice through the radio

Old desires make us act carelessly

Long after tonight, after the fire

After the scattered ashes fly

Through the four winds blown and gone

Will you come back to me?

You try to live your life from day to day.

But seeing you across the room tonight

Just gives me away

(Both)

'Cause the heart won't lie

Sometimes life gets in the way

(Noah)

But, there's one thing that won't change

I know, I've tried

(Both)

The heart won't lie

You can live your alibi

Who can see you're lost inside?

A foolish disguise?

(Noah) The heart won't lie

(Quinn)

The heart won't lie

Then Sarah and Tracie glare at Noah before Sarah points at her watch and whispers, "Ticktock, ticktock." Noah\ glares back at her and whispers, "Okay, okay." Before they went outside, and as they walked to the park they saw a carriage. Then the driver asks, "How about a ride?" As he tipped his hat to Noah.

Soon it started to snow, and Quinn jokes, "Did you do this, Puck?" Noah says nothing and smirks as the driver takes them back to Kurt's house. When Noah and Quinn got back, an ambulance was pulling away as Burt came up to Noah and said, "Kurt knows and burnt his hand fighting with Sarah about it. Tracie was the one that called 911, and Blaine went with Kurt to the hospital." Then Noah grabs Quinn's hand and has her get in his truck. Quinn tried to talk to Noah as he headed to the hospital, yet he didn't hear her.

When they get to where Kurt was in the I.C.U., Noah takes off his gloves and takes Kurt's burnt hand. They soon see a bright light coming from Noah's hand. Kurt gawks at Noah before Quinn kisses him, and Blaine smirks. Then Quinn says, "Don't worry, Kurt, I didn't believe it until now either."

Later, at Kurt's house, Noah and Kurt are in the living room when Kurt says, "The year my mom died, I stopped believing in everything. I asked Santa to bring back my mom when God wouldn't. I started believing nothing was real after I didn't get mom back. I also asked for a chrome pink Barbie car with a personalized license plate. Even if you weren't Santa, I know you would know what it would say. So, that info I'm keeping to myself." Noah smirks and says, "You know Tracie asked for a bigger Papa, right?

Kurt looks at Blaine and says, "Puck, I have cancer, and they gave me two years to live. I found out a year ago. Dave moved in a month ago and is my nurse. I will be on a stronger chemo soon and plan to tell the others at Christmas. All I really want for Christmas is Tracie to get what she wants. Tracie believes in you, Puck. Help her keep her faith in God and you."

Noah knew Kurt was lying. He knew what Kurt wanted was a miracle. So, after the party, Blaine bought a Barbie car, pink chrome paint, a paint gun, a mask, a stencil, and a blank license plate. Then he gave them to Noah before Noah picked up Quinn in Santa's sleigh, dressed in his Santa suit, and puts her suitcase in the back before saying, "Are you ready to become the hottest Mrs. Claus in history?" Quinn didn't answer him. She just took his hand and got in the sleigh. Soon they were on their way to the North Pole, where Quinn would become Mrs. Claus.

Quinn falls deeper in love as she rides in Noah's sleigh. She could not believe how her life had changed in just eleven months. When they get to the North Pole, Noah gets Quinn out, and he gets down on one knee as an elf hands him a white ring box. Then he took her hand and asked, "Lucy Quinn Fabrey, will you marry me?" Quinn giggles as she says, "Yes, Saint Noah Elijah Puckerman, I will marry you." Then she whispered, "I helped Blaine buy the things for Kurt's Barbie car and still have the wedding dress I bought last year. I told my parents that you got a job in Alaska before returning. I wonder if those Christmas cookies will affect me." Then she takes a cookie from an elf and takes a huge bite.

Before Christmas, Quinn saw Mack over thirty times and had gained over one hundred pounds. While Mack lets out her dress again, she asks, "Did the other Mrs. Claus gain weight this fast?" Mack looks at Noah and says, "Look, Quinn, you have the hottest Santa Claus in history as your fiancé, who loves you just the way you are. He still looks at you the way he has since you arrived here. You don't have to worry about your weight, Quinn. By the way, Puck is not the only one that can check the good and naughty lists." Soon, Mack takes her to the wall with TVs and says, "This is how Puck can watch the whole world. Plus, you can check on your friends or watch Puck or other women like a hawk."

Quinn looks at pictures of the previous Santa Clauses before Noah and says, "Does Puck know that Charles is my great-great-grandfather on mom's side of the family?" Mack looks at Quinn in shock and asks, "How did you know that?" Quinn takes off her necklace and opens up the locket to show Mack. Then she says, "Mom gave me this the night Puck became Santa, and I doubt she knew that either. I also never noticed that until I saw his picture there with the others." Soon, Quinn catches her reflection in a mirror and goes to the gym set-up when Noah becomes Santa last year. Then, Noah pulls Quinn off an exercise bike as he sings. "You Are So Beautiful." by Joe Cocker as he slow dances with Quinn.

(Puck)

You are so beautiful,

To me.

You are so beautiful,

To me.

Can't you see?

You're everything I hoped for,

You're everything I need.

You are so beautiful to me,

To me.

You are so beautiful,

To me.

You are so beautiful,

To me.

You are so beautiful,

To me.

Can't you see?

You're everything I hoped for.

Ever, everything I need

You are so beautiful to me.

Then he picks her up and takes her to their bedroom. Soon, the elves heard Quinn moaning in pleasure for an hour. Stan and Mack had to chuckle at a group of female elves bickering about Quinn having Puck for a boyfriend. Then, Noah and Quinn were getting ready to head back to Lima. After Noah finished, the Christmas present for Kurt and a gift from Elizabeth Hummel that Kurt threw away after Elizabeth died. Quinn and Noah soon watched the elves work on thousands of toys for Christmas.

That night, Noah and Quinn went back to Lima. They had gone straight to Kurt's, still dressed as Santa and Mrs. Claus. Then, Noah went to see Kurt in his bedroom with Kurt's presents. Kurt opened his mother's gift first and started to cry as he took the lid off Noah's gift. Noah soon asked Quinn to leave them alone. The moment they are alone, Noah says, "I'm sorry I can't heal you, Kurt."

Kurt looks at Dave, who just walked in, and says, "That's okay. I divorced Blaine after you went back up North. Anyway, Tracy has been staying with dad. You and Quinn are her godparents. Dave knows about you because he saw you on his roof last year." Dave sat beside Kurt and said, "I didn't realize that was you until I saw you at Kurt's party with white hair. Blaine told me after you left when I told him what I saw. Don't worry. I didn't tell anyone about you, man. Ha, I think Tracy still wants you as her Dada."

Then Blaine comes in as he and Kurt say in unison, "No, Tracy wants him to be her Papa." Soon Kurt was coughing up blood, then Noah picked him up and wrapped him up in his coat. Noah drove Burt's truck after saying to Burt, "Let me drive Mr. H. Tracy doesn't need you to have another heart attack or a reason to hate me." When they got to the hospital, Burt ran in, holding Kurt in his arms as Noah parked the truck. When Noah walked in, the whole hospital got quiet.

Noah goes straight to where Kurt was in the ICU and puts his coat back on. Then he takes off one glove before Kurt takes his hand and whispers, "Help me, Santa." Soon Kurt is stable, and Noah stays with him as Burt returns to the lobby to greet the others. When Kurt woke up, he saw everybody but Noah. Soon Quinn helped Kurt into a wheelchair as she took him to the cancer wing, and they heard Noah singing. "I'll be home for Christmas." by Bing Crosby.

(Puck)

I'll be home for Christmas

You can plan on me

Please have snow and mistletoe

And presents on the tree

Christmas Eve will find me

Where the love light gleams

I'll be home for Christmas

If only in my dreams

I'll be home for Christmas

You can plan on me

Please have snow and mistletoe

And presents on the tree

Christmas Eve will find me

Where the love light gleams

I'll be home for Christmas

If only in my dreams

Then Noah wipes a tear from his eye as a little girl named Virginia hands him a letter. Soon he picks her up, and Quinn takes a picture of them with a camera that Virginia's mother, Faith O'Hare, had given her. Noah then says goodbye to the kids before going outside, followed by Burt. He stares at the sky for the longest time, then turns to Burt and says. "When my dad walked out on us, around the same time Elizabeth died. I was blaming everyone else for my problems. I stopped believing in everything but God. I hoped dad would come back, then after you married Carole. He shows up out of the blue my Senior year asking for money. I gave him every penny I saved, hoping I wouldn't see him again. The day he left, he said he'd be back Christmas day. I listened to that song all night on Christmas Eve that year, and he never came to see me once. Until that day, I gave him the money so he could go back to Jake's mom or wherever he went." Soon, Blaine comes up to them and says to Noah, "Kurt only wants to see you."

When Noah entered Kurt's hospital room, Kurt said, "I want you to take Tracy with you. I don't mean to the North Pole. Only take her with you for a ride on Christmas Eve." Noah looks at Quinn, who just walked in holding Tracy, and whispers, "You got it, Kurt. Do you want me to tell Blaine if any of her future boyfriends are on the naughty list?" Kurt hits Noah's shoulder and asks, "Do you want her on the naughty list for getting mad at you, Santa Puck?" Then he starts to cough as he chuckles.

Kurt passed away that night before Blaine gave Tracy to Noah and Quinn. Then he says to Quinn, "I got to watch Beth grow up. Now you get to watch Tracy grow up in person. Just promise to stop by every once in a while. Besides, do you want to watch Tracy get bullied for having two dads?" Then he whispers, "I hope Rachel is okay with this, and I know you know this is what Tracy wants. Now, go before I change my mind." Quinn hugs Blaine and whispers, "I bet anything Rachel is mad at both of you for making us Tracy's godparents. But you are right. That is what Puck wants." Blaine looks at Quinn with a puzzled look as she winks at him. Then he chuckles as he gives Quinn Tracy's things and notices her Hulk doll with a Mohawk in the Barbie car Noah gave to Kurt.

Chapter 2 should be up soon. Hopefully, I got all the errors.