The day before Jack was to return to work was bittersweet. Nothing would change all that much, truthfully, but knowing he'd once again be gone for a few hours a day felt like going back into a cycle I didn't particularly enjoy.

We decided to spend the morning as a family, sitting in our backyard bundled up against the cold. Ellie insisted she drag us outside so we could watch her pick the most unique looking twigs and push small mounds of snow together to make something that was supposed to resemble a snowman. They were some of her favorite winter activities.

When Jack was still away, we'd spend time in our backyard whenever we could. It was easier to watch her run around and explore than it was to keep her cooped up for such extended periods of time. She took to finding a plethora of ways to play and made up new games for herself. Watching her discover new things and conjure up new ideas was one of the only joyous things that occurred when our household was split in two.

Now that he was home, I wanted Jack to witness that same thing firsthand. However, he was far too distracted to take in everything about the situation. He was nervous, I could tell. The way he kept talking to me about working and worrying about being away again was clue enough.

I let him chatter on, reassuring and encouraging him whenever he'd let me get a word or two in. A few times, Ellie would run by us and show us her new collection of leaves, telling us to guard them. What we were protecting them from, that'd been something only her tiny mind knew. We'd agree, watching her giddily skip away, and Jack would immediately go back to discussing work.

I was listening to Jack still, although my eyes remained trained on Ellie. It wasn't until he made a particular comment that this changed.

"I'm really nervous," Jack confesses. His comment causes my gaze to switch from Ellie to him. I can see it in his eyes, how dull they are; and in his expression, with his eyebrows knitted together, that he's being honest.

I can scarcely remember a moment in our time together where Jack admitted aloud that he was nervous for something. Usually, it was the other way around.

"I know." I say, reaching over and taking his hand, giving it the best reassuring squeeze that I can. "It's just because you haven't done it for a while. Change is always scary, but I know that you'll be great." I swallowed hard, "Jack, if you don't want to work, or if you don't feel ready to go back yet, I can. You can stay home with Ellie."

Almost immediately, Jack shook his head. "I think that'll just make me feel worse, that I'm forcing my wife to do the work for me," he answered. "I know that's not what you're doing, and I know you're fully capable of working, but I am old fashioned in some ways, and I really do believe that a man should be able to provide for his wife."

"You've always been good at that," I say with a smile, which Jack mirrors. "You don't have to go back now. You just got home a few days ago! It's completely understandable if you want to take a little longer at home before you go back to work."

Jack paused for a moment, looking straight ahead. I couldn't tell if he was pondering over my words or had simply just zoned out. "I could take a million years off and I still don't think it'd be enough time with you." He turned to look at me, and I could tell that by the way I was looking at him, I was nearly breaking his heart. "I've missed you so much this year, I just want to hold you and never let you go."

"I know," she whispered again, looping an arm through his. "I want that too, Jack, truly. And once E-L-L-I-E goes back to her B-E-D, we'll have a lot more time together every night." I smiled at him again when he snickered at my spelling words out. "Besides, if you spend too much time with me, you might get sick of me."

"Never," Jack replies instantly.

With that, I tightened my arm around Jack's and rested my head down on his shoulder. It was this gesture that caused him to lean down and plant a kiss on the top of my head.

"Mommy, Daddy, look what I made!" Ellie called, looking more than pleased with whatever she'd conjured up. Both of our heads snapped up, and in front of us, put together via a big pile of snow, was a picture of Jack, her, and me.

My eyes popped from the art in front of me to Jack, who was smiling so big it looked as though he'd never been happier a day in his life. He was always proud of anything she did, but it was no secret that he enjoyed the fact that his daughter loved to draw and mold things together just as much as he did.

Jack was the first to speak. "It's beautiful, sweetheart." His arms opened for her and she didn't miss a beat, instantly running into them. He lifted her onto his lap and Ellie rested her head on his shoulder. He took this as an opportunity to speak on our previous subject with her. "Are you gonna be okay if I go back to work?"

"I'll miss you," Ellie whispered as she moved her arms up and wrapped them tightly around his neck.

"Well I'll come home at the end of every day and see you and Mommy." Jack rubbed comforting circles along her back, "I'm never leaving you again, Els. I promise."

xXx

I woke up to a hand on my shoulder, gently rubbing against it. Without looking I knew who it was from the warmth and gentleness of the touch. Still, I groggily opened my eyes to see Jack, instead of laying beside me, standing over me.

"Rose," he whispered, which just about fully woke me up from the half-asleep state I was in. The first thing I noticed is that he was in his work clothes. "Sorry I woke you, I just wanted to say goodbye before leaving."

I didn't bother sitting up. Instead, I grabbed the hand still resting on my shoulder and gave it a squeeze, "Good luck, darling." Jack leaned down and gave me a kiss, which, in the coldness of the winter and contrary to the warmth of his hand, was awfully freezing. Part of me was worried about his trek to work in these conditions, but there wasn't anything I could've done. "I love you."

"I love you, too." My words caused him to look back one more time. He waved, then closed the bedroom door behind him. Almost immediately after the door is shut, my eyes start closing as I drift off into another bout of unconsciousness.

For the second time that morning, I didn't wake up on my own accord.

"Mommy," Ellie's voice whispered, causing my eyes to snap open instantaneously, just as they always did when I heard her. "Wake up." I couldn't help but smile at her. I was hardly ever upset when she woke me. Just one look at her face, and the love outweighed the drowsiness. "Where's Daddy?"

"He went to work," I said softly, running a hand through her hair. "Remember?"

Ellie only frowned. "He's not here?"

I wrapped my arms around Ellie, and she dropped down beside me in bed. I lifted one arm to continue my rhythmic stroking. "He'll be home later, darling." At my words, she dug her face into the fabric of my nightgown. She was more upset than I thought she'd be. "He'll be home before you know it."

"So he's leaving every day now?" No one would be able to miss the sullen tone in her question.

"He did this before too, you were just too little to remember." I wrapped my arms around her tighter, deepening our embrace. "I miss him too, but he'll be back. I promise."

I moved my gaze to the wall across from the bed. Where sat a painting done by the two of them a few years ago. After he'd gone and neither our daughter or I could stand to sleep alone, I moved it from her room to mine.

It was almost like a reminder of the way things used to be…

Ellie and I had been running errands all morning. It wasn't something we did, just the two of us, all too often, so she was excited to get home. There weren't many times where we were away from each other. Even with Jack working, we spent almost all our days as a family of three.

There were days when Molly would take her, and they were a nice break and the relaxation period was refreshing, but it was easy to see that all of us preferred to be around each other.

This particular day, I had our daughter come along with me to the store. A rambunctious two year old cooped up in a house during early summer didn't mix well. Usually, Jack was the one who'd go on solo trips to the store with her, but I offered to do so today. He wanted to work on his art, and as much as he loved our company, I knew that he secretly still loved doing art in isolation.

Right when I opened the door, Ellie squeezed past me and ran straight towards Jack, who was sitting at the table. He gladly took her into his arms and lifted her into the air, earning a gleeful giggle from her.

"How was shopping with Mama?" Jack asked her, lowering her down into her lap.

"We got lots of stuff!" She smiled, stretching her hands out to her sides in order to indicate a large amount.

"Really now?" He questioned, his eyes darting to me for only a second, before going right back to her. His voice was always so gentle and soft when he spoke to Ellie. It was calm and loving, and the blue glint that shined in his gaze whenever he saw her was one that he saved only for her.

"Uh huh," Ellie nodded. "What are you making?" she questioned, seemingly not interested in the previous topic anymore. She was looking down at Jack's paints. It was crazy to me how many topics of conversation toddlers could go through in a day. I could hardly keep up, especially now that she had found her voice and used it every chance she got.

"Mixing colors for a painting," he said, his voice pitching up at the end to catch her excitement. He placed her down so she could get a better look. "Do you wanna help me?"

I watched as Ellie nodded her head with such fervid motion that neither of us could contain our laughter. Together, the two of them mixed paints. Or more like, Ellie threw around pains while Jack intervened whenever her messy hands got too close to the exposed parts of the table.

After she'd been satisfied with the strange array of colors she'd concocted, the two of them began painting. Sometimes Jack would draw a shape and Ellie would sloppily wave a paint brush over it, but most of the time, he just allowed her to do whatever she pleased.

In the end, it looked more like a glob of dark colors and undefined pictures. But Jack adored the thing more than anything else in his growing collection. He'd taken it, dated it, brought it to Ellie's room, and propped the easel up against her dresser.

As a father, I admired Jack more than I thought possible. Most men didn't care about their daughters in the same way he did. He took the time out of his day to not only spend time with her, but let her engage in an activity that was so precious and meaningful to him. I adored how close they were, how our daughter loved him more than anything in the world - just as he did her…

All day, nearly every half hour, without fail, Ellie would look at me with her sad, downcast eyes and ask me when Jack was to return. This didn't stop until the second she heard the lock to the front door being turned. When it started, she sprung up from the spot she'd been drawing in, ran to the door just as it opened, and leapt towards Jack. Who, luckily, had reflexes quick enough to catch her right as a cheerful "Daddy!" escaped from her lips.

I watched contently as he pulled her all the way up in his grasp and hugged her close, planting a kiss on her cheek. "How are my best girls?" he asked, looking over at me, and I was walking over to him too. We met halfway, sharing a peck when we reached each other.

My eyes couldn't leave our daughter's lit up face. "She missed you so much. Didn't you, Ellie?" i

She nodded, changing the conversation to whatever she was waiting to tell him the second she got him. "Daddy! I wanna show you my new drawings!"

Jack placed her down on her feet, and the second they made contact with the floor, she was leading us both over to the table she'd been sitting at before his return. There, laying in every which way, were various different drawings, each colored differently. Some were shapes, some stick people, some attempts at flowers. She'd put herself to work while he was gone.

"She really did miss you, Jack," I whispered. I looked at him, seeing the smile slowly spread across his features. If there's one thing that can get him to smile no matter what he's facing, it's Ellie. "She asked about you all day."

Jack moved to the couch, where he put Ellie in his lap and held me close. I recognized then that I truly felt safe. The realization almost scared me because of how foreign it was. But I quickly softened up to the idea when I also knew that nothing could separate us now.

Never again.