Chapter Five: To Know and Be Known
The night before Harry's trial was taken up completely by discussion for all the residents of Phoenix House. Despite knowing they were planning to meet Arthur at the Ministry at seven-thirty in the morning, no one seemed to want to call a halt to the contingency plans and retellings of Harry and Dudley's frightening encounter with Dementors.
Finally, at just past ten, Elodie realized something.
"Harry?" she said to the young man seated on the floor with his godfather. Harry looked up, his glasses a bit askew from where he'd been resting his head on his hand. "Don't forget we have a Pensieve, okay? Being attacked by Dementors doesn't have to be the most lasting, final memory you have of your cousin. I know he was very immature and never got the chance to age out of that behavior-"
"If ever! His father was-" Sirius interrupted, but Elodie continued on, intent on reassurance rather than recrimination.
"-but two of the most repeated things that Muggles say about losing someone is wishing they could see them again, and wishing they didn't have to remember them in a negative way. You are a wizard. You don't have to settle for a chronological last memory."
Harry had seemed to relax as she'd spoken, but when she finished, he made a little bit of a confused face. "I've heard it before, but, what's 'chrono…'" Harry trailed off, clearly unable to remember the exact pronunciation.
"Chronological," Remus said slowly, sounding it out for Harry to hear. "It means in order of occurrence, by time or date. You arrive at Hogwarts, you're greeted by Hagrid, you enter the Great Hall, you get sorted."
"Or, if you're Elodie, you sneak into the Headmaster's office and put on the Hat as an adult," Sirius teased.
"The Sorting Hat gave you a House?" Harry sounded surprised, looking up at Elodie. "Which one?"
"Which one do you think?" Elodie asked, careful to phrase it like an opinion and not a sarcastic comment.
Harry sat for a minute, thinking, and then a grin started to transform his face. "Gryffindor. Definitely."
"You're right," Elodie said, favoring him with a huge smile of her own.
After that, it was short work to persuade everyone that it was time to sleep. It wasn't until Sirius and Harry had settled into their respective sleeping places in the living room that Elodie remembered Sirius telling her he wanted to 'read his heart' to her. She was disappointed, but not by much- Harry was the focus for both of them, tonight and tomorrow.
Her dreams that night were filled with visions of the movie version of Dolores Umbridge, sitting at a high court table looking down at Elodie, demanding to know why she thought she had the right to change the books.
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The Lupin/Potter family was to be escorted into the Ministry by Arthur Weasley, and when they Flooed into the Burrow, Arthur told them he planned to bring them into the building a 'thoroughly non-magical way,' in order to recognize the severity of Harry's charges. This meant they would side-along Apparate Harry one street over from the Ministry and enter via the telephone box. Due to the tight fit, Elodie and Remus waited to go on the second trip.
Elodie was fairly bursting with the knowledge that the hearing had been moved up an hour, but she and Sirius had agreed that she would only draw negative attention to herself if she said anything about it. Instead, she would try to guide their group of four so that they were either in the basement where the trial was to be held, or in Arthur's office. She remembered that someone had come into the office to tell Arthur that the trial had been moved. She didn't think the Dursleys' death would affect the Ministry so much that this situation would change, but it was stressful nonetheless.
"You look like you've cast a levitation charm on your body but it's been weighted down by your mind," Remus told her in a quiet voice.
"Oh no, I don't look upset, do I? Or, I mean, the appropriate level of upset? I don't usually wear makeup and I didn't think of putting any on this morning, should I look up a charm? Do I have time?" Elodie fretted. She looked around for a car window to peer at herself in. She'd worn a dark grey linen suit, lightweight so she didn't appear sweaty and nervous, but a neutral color so as not to antagonize any of the Wizengamot.
Suddenly, Remus's arms came around her, hugging her from behind. "You look lovely. It's only from knowing you that I can spot you're stressed."
Behind them, the elevator clanged back into place, and he squeezed her tight for a second, then let go and gestured for her to precede him. For the ride down, Elodie's anxiety about the trial warred with her excitement to see the Ministry of Magic. It wasn't long after she and Remus were reunited with Harry and Arthur that they walked past the Fountain of Magical Brethren. She wasn't ashamed to stare at it with as much rapt attention as Harry did beside her.
It was beautifully made, but somehow the craftsmanship made her all the more uncomfortable when looking at the unspoken message it was conveying. The whole thing made her uncomfortable- the prominence of the wizard, the way the witch was both adored by the three creatures and yet still seemingly subservient to the wizard, and the fact that she knew that goblins looked down on magical humans in particular.
As they walked on to Arthur's office, she saw Harry put his hand over his pocket, and she knew he was resolving to put a donation into the fountain. The sign had stated that proceeds were given to St. Mungo's.
This was all so much easier when I read the book, Sirius! How did I get here, how do I do this, I wish you could be here with me! she thought to herself. It was so much easier to face things she knew the outcome of when she had Sirius beside her to understand her unique perspective on it. This day felt inexorable and at the same time horribly unpredictable. What would Harry's second orphaning do to the vindictive nature of some of Voldemort's sympathizers, today?
She spent so much time worrying about it that she hadn't looked at the time. Suddenly, a man burst into Arthur's office, looking horrified. He told them that the trial's time had been shifted to eight, and Arthur gasped after he checked his watch.
All four of them ran.
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"How convenient for the Minister to find a couple so close to your birth family that was able to take you in!" the Interrogator said. "It would have been truly unfortunate to have had to seek an unrelated benefactor to grant you their charity!"
Harry was seated in the defendant's chair in the center of the courtroom. The high seats of the Wizengamot were arranged in a wide arc facing him, separated from the open area by a forbidding wooden wall. Elodie and Remus stood behind him, and Elodie felt as out of place as she had ever been in this universe.
They had been ushered in five minutes late after all their running, everyone looking hurried and anxious. As she'd walked behind the high chair Harry was told to use, Remus had lifted a piece of hair that had fallen from the french twist she'd schooled her hair into. With a whispered spell, he'd tucked it magically back into place, and she had looked over at him in surprise.
He had kissed her temple, and turned his gaze back toward the Wizengamot.
The whole thing had felt both scripted and incredibly tender, a perfect way to illustrate the sincerity of their relationship.
Elodie drew on that feeling of belonging as she stood and listened to the derisive tone the Interrogator used to question Harry. The man's pinched, disapproving expression deepened as Harry stayed silent.
Finally, Harry said, "I'm sorry, sir. Was that a question?"
Elodie knew Harry by now. He'd held back nearly all of his insolence in that comment, but to a person who knew him not at all, it sounded incredibly disrespectful.
"Harry!" Remus said. He sounded like he was chastising Harry, but again, Elodie could hear the twinge of humor behind that, because she knew Remus so well.
It seemed that this was the perfect way to react, at least where the Interrogator was concerned. He seemed to appreciate that Remus was risking his ire to take Harry to task. Elodie looked up at Remus and smiled thinly as an encouragement, and when Remus turned his head to see her looking at him, the large doors at the back of the courtroom burst open and Albus Dumbledore walked in.
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As the three of them left the courtroom, Elodie's sense of relief walked with them like a fourth member of their makeshift family. She could tell that both Remus and Harry felt the same way, so when a man's voice called out to stop them in the hallway, Elodie felt a sudden stab of dread at this clear change from the books.
"A minute of your time, Mr. Lupin, Mrs. Lupin please?"
Remus's hand came down to grasp hers, and they turned together to see a wizard walking toward them. He was wearing Ministry robes and carried a clipboard.
"It was fortuitous that the august Headmaster of Hogwarts was so diligent in coming to your aid, young man," the man said. It was the same Interrogator who had been so nasty to Harry earlier in the trial. Without the imposing architecture of the courtroom around him, he didn't seem nearly as formidable. She knew not to underestimate him, though. They'd clearly thwarted his intentions in there, with Albus Dumbledore taking up for them, and a witness, besides.
"Yes, sir. Thank you, sir," Harry said. Elodie put an arm around his shoulders.
"Yes, well," the man sneered. "Some of us are worried about his priorities of late. It seems that he may be neglecting his duties in order to foster certain side projects. It has been decided that we will need to oversee some of his recent decisions to ensure our most valuable young minds are still being stewarded well. To that end, Mr. and Mrs. Lupin, I am hereby informing you that a review of your guardianship will be begun some time in the next few weeks."
The pressure of Remus's grip on her hand increased.
"I understand," Remus said with quiet dignity.
"After all, it could be reasonably assumed that James Potter might not have initially intended to become friends with a werewolf! There's no way to know if he would have still found you a fit guardian for his son in the years since his passing. After all, it appears that he did not choose you as his Secret Keeper, did he, sir?"
Through her arm around his shoulders, Elodie could feel the way Harry was shaking with the effort it took to keep his composure. She didn't dare look up at Remus, knowing he would see that as an attempt to comfort him, something he would reject in a moment like this. So, Elodie did what she did best. She spoke rashly.
"Honestly, that is quite insulting. We will submit to the review as you have requested, sir, but I will beg your leave to return home with my family. Good day," she said in a quiet, rigid tone.
Then, she guided Harry to turn away from the man who had confronted them, hoping that Remus would follow her instead of remaining standing in front of such a vile, insensitive jerk. She was quite grateful when he did, maintaining his grip on her hand as he did so, something she hadn't expected.
Elodie wanted to appear as a cohesive family unit as they walked away at a measured pace, leaving the Ministry official with what she envisioned as open-mouthed surprise.
"Could we pass the fountain before we go, please?" Harry said in a whisper.
"Absolutely," Elodie whispered back.
Just as Elodie remembered from the book, Harry dumped out the entire contents of his wallet into the fountain before they left. Knowing he was going to do it didn't make her any less proud of him.
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They Apparated Harry to Grimmauld Place and walked the narrow hallway with a sense of triumph. By the time the three of them entered the kitchen, Order members who had been working on the upper floors of the house started to come down to greet them.
Fred and George Apparated down next to their mother, who threw up her hands in exasperation and swatted at them. She missed, because they both Apparated a few feet away.
Molly shooed them out of the kitchen again, and Elodie realized she'd completely forgotten from the books that the Order members had organized a celebratory feast for Harry for lunch at #12. A quick conversation with Remus confirmed that he was also unaware. She was unable to snag Sirius and pull him aside to talk to him about either the feast or the trial, because he was entirely focused on Harry. The two of them disappeared for the rest of the morning, and when it came lunchtime, Elodie found them in Sirius's bedroom talking animatedly with Ron and one of the Weasley twins.
"Seems a bit manic, honestly," said a male voice beside her. Elodie turned and saw the other Weasley twin. "Fred here," he said good-naturedly.
"I'm sure I'll learn the two of you eventually," Elodie promised. "And yes. It's almost as if he's come to realize he has to give Harry up for Hogwarts, soon." She had a thought and looked more closely at Fred. "He's not making you uncomfortable, I hope?"
"No, nothing like that. Just… not used to adults being keen to spend the time," Fred said.
"I imagine if one of your mother's brothers came back suddenly they'd behave the same way. Trying to catch up." Elodie smiled. "Do me a favor? Tell them it's time to eat?"
"You've got it," Fred said.
Elodie walked back downstairs instead of waiting for Harry, Sirius, and the others. She was struck by the sense that Sirius might be the only one in the house who was not entirely pleased by the way the trial turned out. Now that he finally had access to his godson, had physical custody of him in all but name, Sirius was loathe to give him up, Elodie knew. She hadn't given much thought to what would have happened if the trial had ended the other way, but it was very possible that Sirius had. Would he have wanted Harry to lose, so he could tutor him in magic himself?
She'd paused in the narrow hallway while woolgathering, and she felt someone come up behind her. Elodie shook her head at herself and tried to remember which way she was going.
"Even from the back I can tell you're upset," Remus said, leaning over to whisper the words near her ear.
"Just a little bit. Worried about Sirius," she whispered back.
"I have something to ask you about, in regards to that, actually," Remus said a little louder, as they walked in the direction of the kitchen. Elodie paused in the doorway to shoot him a worried look. "It isn't awful, I promise," he told her with a small smile.
"Forgive me if I looked anxious," Elodie said. She felt hot and overdressed now that she had started to worry about the day's events, so she took off the linen suit jacket that matched the skirt she was wearing. "I've had enough emotional roller coasters today!" she added, draping the jacket over her arm. She'd hang it on the back of her chair once she sat down.
"I hear that," Remus agreed.
They had decided to keep the 'Ministry review' portion of the morning to themselves, and asked Harry to wait to speak about it until tomorrow. Elodie desperately wanted to talk to Sirius about it, because from her prescient perspective, it was the only negative part of the day, and it was related to her timeline interference. Elodie moved to sit in her customary seat at the table as Molly and Hestia moved to place various delicious-smelling foods at various intervals.
Would it be Remus and Tonks with custody, had she not been involved? Or were they too far along into the altered timeline to suggest something like that? After all, she had no idea where Remus would have lived after Hollyfield if she wasn't involved. Given the fact that Horace Slughorn had to be tracked down by Harry and Albus more than a book's time in the future, she didn't think he would have been around to provide Wolfsbane. It was really Sirius's bank vault that kept that going, and Sirius had been hiding in the tropics-
"There you go again," Remus said in her ear. He'd seated himself at his customary seat, beside her.
Sirius used to sit across from her, but now he sat half a table away, next to Harry. She felt a pang of loss, and then frowned at herself.
She was not jealous of Harry Potter. She was glad that he had his godfather, and that his godfather had him. The fact that she'd been incidentally left out of Sirius's life temporarily as he adjusted to this drastic and tragic change in Harry's life was not something to worry about.
If she had to, she'd just repeat this mantra to herself over and over until it stuck.
"You promised not to worry about the review, Elodie," Remus whispered in her ear. She suddenly realized she hadn't responded the first time he'd said something to her, and she turned her head quickly to apologize. It was so quickly that Remus hadn't moved his head back, and their lips brushed, by accident. Her mouth had been open, and it was as close to a real kiss as an accident could be.
Remus jerked back and swore under his breath, a reaction that seemed wildly disproportionate to an accident like that, despite how much it had made her heart race and her lips tingle. Then, she saw why.
Remus's hand was bleeding, and the glass of pumpkin juice he must have been holding was in many bloody glass pieces.
"I'm so sorry, Molly," Remus said, his voice polite but clearly strained as he dripped blood on the white tablecloth. "I forget about my strength, this week in particular," he added ruefully, chuckling a bit.
It was a lie.
She could tell it was a lie, just like she'd been able to tell how proud Remus had been of Harry in the courtroom even as he'd seemed to scold him. Remus only chuckled at the end of an innocuous comment like that if he was hiding something. It was rare, but she knew him well enough to recognize it. Beyond that, Remus was always aware of the changes he went through for the full moon, which meant that whatever had happened had been beyond the iron control he kept himself under.
Elodie watched him pull a shard of glass from his hand and winced in sympathetic pain. She pulled out her wand, seeing that various members of the Order had stopped their conversations or tasks to do the same.
Impulsively, Elodie cast a numbing spell on his hand, without asking.
Immediately, everyone's attention focused on her, and she realized she'd taken a liberty that was only probably, logically, acceptably afforded to romantic partners or family. She'd committed a social faux pas without even realizing it.
Remus turned to look at her, saw the look of regret on her face, and immediately responded. "Thank you, I hadn't thought to cast that."
It was an olive branch, she recognized. Not just to her, but to ease the reactions of the friends that surrounded them.
"Still in character, I see!" Molly said to her, affectionately. "Would you like more help, Remus?" she asked, and something in the way she said it felt like a mild censure to Elodie, as if showing her how she was meant to have done it.
"Thank you, Molly, but I think we've got it," Remus said. Then, he turned his body toward Elodie and held his injured hand up with his other hand. "It's my wand hand, would you mind, Elodie?"
Elodie couldn't look at his face. She felt like the entire room would somehow know how she felt about him, feel that she'd betrayed everyone's trust by agreeing to pretend something she felt in reality. Her adrenaline was pumping like there was a broken valve inside her somewhere, and Remus could absolutely sense it!
"I'd be happy to," she told Remus, focusing on his hand. She cast a cleansing wound spell she'd learned months before, on the day she'd been splinched. Then she cast a skin repair spell, one that had an emotional component, which she hadn't remembered might be recognizable until it was too late. The spell wasn't necessarily a romantic one, just one that requires positive emotions toward the recipient. It was the kind used in battlefields between tight-knit soldier units or by midwives with close social or familial ties.
Remus's hand looked as if nothing had happened.
"That's a really fine job, Elodie," Kingsley said, leaning over from where he'd walked up behind Remus. "Might want to consider a new career in Mediwitchery."
"Her current job is keeping me out of trouble, and she's had to cast her fair share of Healing spells at home!" Sirius called out from across the room.
With a flick of her wand, Molly gathered up all of the pieces of glass and cast a bubble charm around them to keep the shards from coming loose. Elodie didn't get to see what happened to them afterwards, but she assumed that Scourgify wasn't the best spell for glass. Conversation resumed, and she felt less like a goldfish in a bowl. All that remained was for her system to absorb the vast amounts of adrenaline she'd flooded herself with. Adrenaline, and a little something else, thanks to that almost-kiss.
Elodie turned away from Remus and engaged Hestia Jones in conversation with enthusiasm.
After lunch came cake and ice cream. Elodie hadn't expected the latter at all (neither had Harry, and his expression when the ice cream appeared quickly became her favorite memory so far of Harry Potter), and she also hadn't expected Kingsley to stand up and address the room.
"Today was a positive step forward for the Order. It shows that the rule of law still prevails, at least for now. Part of protecting that rule of law is making sure we still live within its confines ourselves." He looked around the table, and she felt like he took the time to make eye contact with every member seated there. "When school starts, when you head back to work, when you are out in public, remember what we are fighting against, how important it is, and who will benefit or suffer if certain people are aware of us. Feeling special about it won't do any good when you're overheard by the wrong person."
"Button your lips!" Alastor boomed, pointing at the side of the table filled with Hogwarts students.
Conversation was a bit subdued after that, and most everyone simply went back to what they were doing before lunch. Elodie had been planning to follow Sirius and finally get the chance to speak with him at any kind of length, but Remus's hand on her arm stopped her from leaving the kitchen. She looked up at him quizzically.
"I need to run something by you, something he won't like," Remus said, tilting his head toward the long, narrow hallway that Sirius was currently walking down with Harry.
"All right," she sighed.
Remus avoided the small library they often met in, and chose instead to walk outdoors via the back door. #12 Grimmauld had a small, enclosed back yard with a single tree and a few wrought iron chairs that looked incredibly uncomfortable. Remus cast a quick pillowing charm on the seating surfaces of two of them and gestured for her to choose one. When they were both seated, he looked at her apologetically.
"I'm sorry if this seems like a lot of ceremony. I don't want to worry anyone about the review yet, and so talking outside with a mild noise muffling charm seemed like the best idea."
"It's fine," Elodie said, mostly meaning it.
"Some of what Moody said to me a few days ago, combined with what that Ministry goon said made me worry about surprise inspections, and the like," Remus said. The way his face didn't change at all when using the word 'goon' made Elodie smile.
"Yes, I could see that being a thing," she nodded.
"That will go very badly for all of us if they were to show up at the door, rather than requesting entrance at the Floo. We have some magical protections, but not against everything," Remus said, rubbing his thumb against the knuckles of his other hand. "So, I'm thinking we're going to have to ask Sirius to spend the bulk of his time here, at Grimmauld."
"If he doesn't sleep at home, Harry-"
"I know," Remus interrupted, nodding. "Sirius can sleep at Phoenix House. He'd probably have to Floo in late, that's probably the only way to do it. If someone shows up late at night he can at least transform into a dog. That isn't something they know about."
His 'thank Merlin' was unspoken, but she heard it anyway.
"He's going to be crushed. I'm not sure I'm not crushed. Though I assume this is mostly until Hogwarts starts, yes?" she asked Remus hopefully.
"For now," he nodded. "I'd like to think they'll ease up once he's not in our physical custody, but I can't be sure."
"It's not that bad, I guess," Elodie mused. "I mean, we spend a lot of time here, and that can continue for the four of us, even after the week spent cleaning up the place."
Remus made a face. "That's the thing. I think you, me, and Harry will need to spend at least some time at Phoenix House."
Elodie stood up. "That will never fly. Sirius lives and breathes Harry's actual, real presence in his life. We can not ask him to give that up for the nineteen days left until term starts!"
"I promise I understand what you're saying, Ellie," Remus said, standing up and walking over to her. "-but this could affect Harry's ability to stay with us for the Christmas holidays and beyond. At the very least, we should expect they might show up before the full moon to check on what we have set up to restrain me." Remus ran his hand through his hair and sighed. "It seems like we're always in uproar lately."
She felt like he'd said that to soften what she'd just heard, but she smiled up at him anyway. "The hair thing was clever this morning. You knew that, though."
"That one was Moody-inspired. He said to make an effort to seem physically comfortable with each other."
Elodie scratched at her lace collar and said, "Then I went and overdid that at lunch. Sorry about that. I immediately sensed that I'd crossed a line. It's too bad I didn't sense the line before I crossed it!"
Remus reached up and plucked a leaf off of the tree branch that hung over them. He laid it on one hand and brushed leaf debris off of it, looking like he was thinking about how to answer her. Just as she was about to say something to change the subject he spoke.
"Don't stop doing things like that." He looked up from the leaf, and his expression was unexpectedly haunted. "The last group of real friends I had took liberties like that, and they didn't apologize. Instead, they spent years training to become safe for me to spend time with during the full moon. I never would have let them if I had known, and I'll never stop being grateful that they did it."
"You're worth doing those things for, you should know that," Elodie said, lifting her chin in defiance of how she expected him to react.
Remus looked down at his feet, smiling as he shook his head. "I've long outgrown arguing with the kind of people who say that to me, Elodie. But, thank you."
"You can show your gratitude by not making me tell Sirius he has to spend the next few full days at Grimmauld?" she said, smiling as endearingly at him as she could. The effect was a bit marred by the vicious tug she gave the lace that was irritating her neck in the daytime heat.
"All right, but in return you get to know that I recognized the spell you cast to heal my hand, and I'm going to use it for my next column," Remus said, looking up from the ground. "It's an honor to have such a spell work so efficiently on me."
"Yes, well," Elodie said, giving up on the lace and pulling the whole lace panel free of the vee neck white blouse she was wearing. "You would do well to recognize how much the people around you hold you in high esteem."
Remus clearly hadn't heard this, because he was focused instead on her rose-shaped splinching scar. The blouse showed nearly the whole thing, which was why Elodie had chosen to design a little cover-up section of lace to enhance the bodice. The last thing she'd wanted to do was show up for Harry's trial wearing evidence of a botched transportation spell on her chest, after all.
The tree branch was hanging over Remus, but Elodie stood in the full sunshine facing west, so there was no shadow to obscure her scars from his view. Remus stepped forward a bit and traced his eyes over her chest over and over, such that she wanted to make a sarcastic comment about taking a picture of it.
Which, come to think of it, Elodie wouldn't mind having.
"I know people who would use tattoo ink and deliberate scarring to get an effect like that, and it still wouldn't end up as striking," Remus murmured.
"Thanks to you, speaking of healing spells," Elodie pointed out.
"I didn't know what it would end up looking like, just that I needed you to stop hurting, stop bleeding," Remus said in a pained voice. "I could never have guessed…" His hand twitched at his side, and Elodie wanted to tell him he could touch it, that Moony had, but something stopped her. Instead, she steered the conversation back to where it had been before she'd distracted him.
"So it's a deal, your telling Sirius?" Elodie pushed, gently.
Remus jerked his head up to look at her in surprise, then he seemed to remember what she was referring to. "Yes," he said quickly. "Yes. I'll break it to him."
After that, they went back into the house and found things to work on at the house. It was the last collective Order work day. Elodie ended up floating around and working with various members of the group, and by the end of the day she was exhausted, but very happy. She'd spoken to nearly everyone who was there that day, so that excluded Severus Snape and Albus Dumbledore, but that was fine by her. The sense she'd gotten from nearly all of them was that they expected the Ministry to further antagonize their little family unit, so the 're-evaluation of guardianship' that had been threatened didn't feel quite as big a failure to her now that she knew most of the members expected something like it to occur. All that she and Remus needed to do now was tell them, a task that wasn't nearly as daunting now as it had felt that morning.
Another fortuitous thing happened as well- Ron had persuaded Molly to beg Sirius for Harry to sleep over at the Burrow that night. Sirius hadn't protested much, Molly said, and Elodie gave the older witch a huge hug in thanks.
It would be so good to sleep with Sirius again. She missed his warmth, the way she would wake up with him nestled up against her… she even missed his snores. Tonight would be a subtle shift back to normal.
