Running On Empty: Don't Stop Me Now

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Our return to Haven was faster than when we left. The winter months had been in full force when I had arrived, and now as Val Royeaux fell behind us, the spring was starting to break across the landscape. Orlais was a paradise in most cases, and it was clearly visible when one crossed the border into Ferelden. The easy slopes and open fields gave way to muddy ground and snow covered treetops. As we approached Haven's mountain range, the wind grew icy once more and nipped at any patch of skin that was exposed.

The caravan that traveled with us had lessened, members who wanted no part of the Inquisition had stayed behind in Val Royeaux after the disastrous event that was the meeting with the Chantry and its Templars. The whole chaotic mess had left a bitter taste in everyone's mouth and we trudged on in silence most days. There had been a quiet gathering amongst the caravan at the turning of their new year, but the bottles of mead that had been passed around were few. Everyone was stretched to their bones and keeping the moral up was exhausting.

For me, anyway.

The realization that a third of a year (however long their years were) had disappeared had startled me. It was easy to ignore the change of the season when you were stuck in Haven most of the time, the snow capped mountains and gusty winds never allowed anyone to forget how easily it could blister a careless soul. Anywhere from three to five months had slipped past me, time I had lost and could never recover. I had been so concerned with my survival, with my sanity, that I failed to grasp the gravity of the situation I was placed in.

Nothing had changed. I was no better a position to help these people, this world, than I was when I first fell into their dominion. Now as we traveled back to Haven, every day pressed upon my shoulders like a snarling coal and burnt the skin. I lost everything and it was so painfully easy to ignore it when I could focus on other things. My family was gone, my home, my life, my friends. My pets, my hobbies. Everything, gone from one blink of the eye to the next. With no current mission or quest to focus on, my lungs were glued to the underside of my ribs and my stomach had dropped through my feet.

Every marching step forward to Haven reminded me of how terribly alone I was in this world.

It was an odd sense of grief that finally caught up with me. It made my bones itch from within and my limbs tremble from a sort of exhaustion I was unfamiliar with, an ache I couldn't pinpoint or soothe. In the silence of our march, I could remember the faint echoes of voices from my previous life and it drained me. I would never see them again, never hold my mother's hand or watch my father rock away in his recliner. Their faces would fade from memory and I had nothing to anchor those memories if they did.

I lost my first world, and I could do nothing to save this one. The mark on my hand was nothing more than a singular tool in a war that needed to be fought on all fronts. What I had thought would have been an easy solution, talking to the Chantry and making them see reason hadn't been anything more than a sham. Nothing worth having ever comes easy, darling, I could hear my father say. The thought made the back of my eyes burn. The loneliness grew and spread through my soul like a plague.

"You've been very quiet as of late." Solas approached from my left, his voice drifting over my shoulder. "What troubles you?"

"I'm always quiet." I answered lamely. The caravan was just hours from Haven, we would reach it by evening, if the weather held steady for us. Cassandra led the front with the owner, keeping them on safe paths toward the settlement. Varric was just in front of us, weaving his tales for the younger members to feast on as we walked. Solas and I remained behind at an easy pace.

"Yes, but this is different." Solas came a little further up along my side, his arm nearly brushing mine. "It's deeper."

Confused, I looked up at him. "Deeper? How can a silence go deeper?"

"It's less a silence of thoughts and more of the soul." My spiritualist elf explained. "Something happened since we left Val Royeaux and your soul, your aura, has retreated."

"I'm just tired, Solas." I rebuffed. The last thing I wanted (or that he needed) was him turning into my impromptu therapist. I rubbed at my eyes for good show and peered up at him under my fist like a child. It was pitiful, but it was all I had to dissuade him. Not that it worked, as he was silent only for a few moments after and then picked it up again.

"You can tell me about it, Jaime." Solas pressed gently. "Normally I am not one to pry, but your situation is unique. I know how... debilitating it can be, suppressing such a thing." I could feel tears well up from the back of my eyes and I hated it. A muscle in my jaw jumped as my teeth were clenched together over my tongue.

"How?" My voice was low as I snapped at him. "How could you know?"

"I do understand what it feels like to lose your whole world in mere moments." Solas replied smoothly. "How the world tilts ever so slightly and nothing is as it once was, and the dramatic turn into a new world consumes every thought, every gesture." Solas paused and briefly, his gaze shifted sideways to me, assessing my face. His expression was one of perpetual perturbation, but it softened for a fraction of a moment. He breathed, "You are lonely."

Electricity shot up my spine, but I held my tongue still. I concentrated on the march of my feet forward, ever onward to Haven.

"Jaime." Solas attempted.

"I'm tired, Solas." It was all I had left to stem the flow of tears. They watered my words and shook my throat. I was lonely. Desperately so. I had these people around me, Solas who did his best to play mediator, Cassandra who couldn't tell one end of her temper to another, and Varric who watched us all with faint, near-gleeful amusement. They had each other in their shared experiences, their shared world and creation, in their goals. I was here because of a stupid mark on my hand and bad timing between the fabric of reality. My hands curled to fists as I walked.

"I know you feel as if you are alone, Jaime." Solas persisted. He was right, this wasn't normal for him, and I wondered why he cared so much to put this amount of effort into prying me open. "And I will not lie to you - perhaps you are." It stung to hear him say it, the truth could never come gently. He stayed at my side and once more his arm brushed mine. "And yet you have many who wish only to help you."

"They can't." I choked. I could recall Leliana's words vividly. The less that people know the truth, the easier it will be to assimilate you into this life. It is the best we can do, I'm sorry. She was right. I couldn't go around telling people where I was from, truly, or how I came to be. It would discredit everything we worked for in the Inquisition. Everything that we were trying to achieve would be washed away.

"You can allow us the chance to try." Solas soothed again. "Even if there is only a handful of us, we can keep you from losing yourself." He paused and waited for my reply, but I gave him nothing. I continued to lumber forward, the weight of my self-pity hanging from my ears and dragging me down. He sighed, "I don't understand how you can be so willing to be kind to others, and yet save nothing for yourself."

"Other p-people are easy." My voice was starting to crack. I didn't want to talk about this anymore. If I had the energy, I would have run up to stand beside Cassandra and let her temperament terrorize anyone who bothered me. "I can m-make sure they have what they need, because th-they can tell me."

"As can you." He pressed with a narrowed gaze at me. I avoided his stare. "You are the only one who knows how deep your cracks go, how far the pain dwells. We cannot pull you from the abyss that you create unless you reach out to us first."

My throat seized on me. My knees shook and turned into cooked pasta and bent from under me. The weight of my body crashed into the ground and sent tendrils of sparking pain up from my kneecaps into my torso. My hands came up to my face and smothered it, but I could already feel the tears flow and ice along my cheeks and chin. Solas dropped beside me in an instant and his hand rested between my shoulder blades, but for once, he was silent.

The tears came stronger as I could hear the pattering of footsteps come up to us. Cassandra and Varric surrounded me, the dwarf nearly sliding to my side in his hurry. Cassandra barked at the caravan around her, telling them to continue on and we would catch up to them afterward. I felt like an ass. Solas had been right, I cared too much to be truly bitter, but god damn it did I want to be. I shook as Solas' hand left my shoulders and was replaced by Varric's, who rubbed circles along my spine.

"What the hell happened, Chuckles?" Varric growled, shifting in the snow next to me.

My head shook, my wrists rubbing against my nose. "It's n-not his fault. He - he was t-trying to help."

"Help with what?" Cassandra demanded. My gaze came away from my hands and caught her alarmed look to Solas. "Is it the Mark?"

"N-no," I hiccupped. I fumbled at my belt, trying to find my handkerchief, but Varric was quicker and produced his own and wiped my hands with it before letting me take it up to my face. For as broken as I felt, I was not about to lose the last of my dignity because Varric decided to be paternal with me. The cloth was swiped over my face to catch the trails of tears and clear away the icy dust they had made in the cold.

"What happened, sweetheart?" Varric did his best to keep his expression neutral, but I could see the corners of his eyes breaking. He was worried, or perhaps scared, that I had suddenly just collapsed into the snow with a full flood of tears. Cassandra was a level better, her face stern; despite that, there was a line of stress that had stiffen her shoulders. They were worried and were trying to comfort me regardless.

God, I really am an ass.

My nose scrunched with a hard sniff. "I'm j-just... tired. I d-don't - this thing with the T-Templars and then the Chantry, and n-nothing is g-going right." Another hard sniff and I wiped at my nose again, looking up at Cassandra from my huddled form, my legs bent under me and my arms tossed into my lap. "I d-don't know what to do, and I'm s-scared wh-whatever I do... h-how is it enough?" A shudder ran through me and a broken sob came up through my throat and I ducked my head and shut my eyes tightly, embarrassed.

"Hey, sweetheart." Varric's hand ran along my spine briefly, his voice gentle. "... look, I won't shit with you, we're all a bit scared. This thing... no one's dealt with this before, but." His voice choked a bit and it made my face wince. I was going to break my companions at this rate. They needed me to be stable, to be solid, because I was the only one that could end this. My eyes opened and stared down at the hand in my lap, the Mark always a pulsing beat behind my heart.

"We're going to try, alright?" Varric breathed to strengthen his voice. "We're gonna see this through together, come hell or high water." He reached down and took my right hand from my lap, holding it with a shaky grip. More tears appeared and fell as we held hands. My lungs shuddered with a hard inhale. I couldn't do this to them. Their world was falling apart and I had already lost mine.

I froze.

I already lost mine.

I couldn't sink this ship with them on it. I couldn't doom them just because I was feeling sorry for myself and have the disaster wait until I grieved. I would have to continue doing what I had been doing before, pushing forward and keeping myself busy. These people didn't know my turmoil and I wouldn't add to their stress by telling them about my grief. They needed their Herald. They needed the only thing that could seal these rifts and pray it was enough.

"I'm sorry." I breathed out slowly and raised my head, unsure of how many moments had passed. Varric returned my weak smile with one of his own, relief over his face. Cassandra uncoiled from the spring she had set herself into and Solas bowed his head. My throat with cleared with a heavy cough and I raised a leg to stand. "Th-thanks, Varric."

"Of course, sweetheart." Varric let go as I stood and dusted off my knees. I gave Cassandra a firm nod and we hurried to catch up with the caravan. My thoughts weren't necessarily clear, but they at least had a path to follow, now.

I was their Herald.

I had to be.

- 0 -

We approached Haven by evening, as we had predicted. Once within the safety of the settlement, we divided. Solas quickly disappeared into the crowd of people and most likely to his cabin. I would have to talk to him soon and soothe any ruffled feathers; guilt couldn't linger between us, not when he was the one that had to help me the most with this Mark and the Breach. Varric was gone with a wave, off to his tent to collect his missives and replies. Surface dwarf he might have been, there was took much at stake for him to fail in his responsibilities.

Cassandra and I left our weapons with Harritt for touch ups before making our way over to the training camp. The Commander was nowhere to be found and one brave new recruit stepped forward to tell us he had been in the Chantry all day. We bowed and marched our way up toward the Chantry. I leaned heavily against Cassandra's side and she made no move to butt me off. I was grateful. Once at the giant double doors, we parted and slipped inside, the warmth made me shiver.

The Hydra approached from the hall, Josephine the first to pounce. "It's good you've returned. We heard of your encounter."

"You heard?" Cassandra popped with confusion.

I nodded with a rub at my eye. "That one scout? You sent them back once we found out about the Templars."

"My agents in the city sent word ahead, of course." Leliana confirmed. The Commander came up beside her, weary and worn under his armor, but smiling. Leliana looked pristine as she always did and I glowered at her for it, feeling the stink of the month's travel on my skin. Lady Montilyet was, once again, the picture of perfection.

The Commander sighed and crossed his arms. "It's a shame the Templars have abandoned their senses as well as the Capital."

"We had to do something." I grumped, my arms dropped to my side. "And now we have an opportunity." I followed as The Hydra turned toward the War Room. Cassandra a pace behind me as Josephine came up to my side.

"Yes, and we have the opening we need to approach the Templars and the mages." She agreed with a quick glance over my form. I looked horrendous, I'm sure, as bathing while traveling was particularly difficult with no portable water containers big enough to hold enough water. Hell, I would have settled for a gas station sink if the opportunity had presented itself. I felt like a dust bunny compared to those around me.

"Do we?" Cassandra asked darkly behind us. "Lord Seeker Lucius is not the man I remember."

"True. He has taken the Order somewhere, but to do what?" Leliana asked over her shoulder. I had stumbled into Cassandra, exhaustion of the day starting to mount upon my shoulders and in between my knees. "My reports have been... very odd."

"We must look into it," Cullen murmured thoughtfully, "I'm certain not everyone in the Order will support the Lord Seeker."

"Or the Herald could simply go to meet the mages in Redcliffe, instead." Josephine offered. She spared a glance at my tired form and I snorted. The trip to talk to the Chantry Mothers at Val Royeaux was to be simple as well, and we all had seen how that had ended. Simple was to be stripped from our vocabulary.

My sigh was heavy. "Well, before we do that, we need to actually deal with Redcliffe." The Hydra turned to look at me, their pace toward the War Room paused. Cassandra came up to my shoulder, a concern frown over her face. I waved a hand, "Remember Corporal Vale? Yeah, they still need a fuck-ton of supplies and we don't have the people to manage that. Yet."

"If we gain enough influence with them -" Josephine started and I cut her off with a wave of my hand.

"No, no." I swallowed and tried to steel my nerves and follow my newest vow of being their Herald. "I can't wait for the Templars and the mages to settle for us. I'm not going to pander to their grievances when I have settlements and towns starving, for food and help."

The Commander smirked briefly. "What do you suggest, then?"

"I had to talked to Solas and Varric about it." I bowed my head apologetically to Cassandra, my eyes back to The Hydra. "Mercenaries aren't the safest option, but they are the fastest. We can keep them on a tight leash and pay them well enough to go hunting and clearing out the settlements for us."

It was Leliana's turn to smirk, but I wasn't sure why. "Oh? That sounds... like a good idea. I'll see if we can have any mercenary companies nearby pick up a contract or two." I nodded my thanks and Josephine briefly tipped her head, probably taking a mental note to see to the acquisition of mercenary company.

"In any case," The Commander dragged us back, "I don't think the mage rebellion is more united. It could be ten times worse."

"We need to choose, and soon." I interjected and we took another pace toward the War Room. "Mages or Templars, just point me toward who is more willing. The mages sound like they're ready to go belly up."

"We cannot discredit the mages so soon." Josephine tempered.

Cullen sighed and rolled his neck. "I don't think we have the influence necessary to approach the Order safely."

"That is something you can do." Cassandra turned her gaze to me, briefly gentle and searching. It hardened behind her tight cheeks and strong jaw. "The Inquisition needs more agents across Thedas. We will work on bringing them together under our banner." My lungs expanded under my ribs and stretched my back as I nodded. That, at least, I could do. Start small and work up.

"In the meantime, we should consider other options." Josephine tipped her head and The Hydra was dismissed. Cassandra touched the back of my arm and I turned to follow her, but I spied Leliana approach me from behind. Fear lanced through my heart as I frantically wondered whether I had overstepped my boundaries when I suggested the mercenaries.

"There is one other matter." Leliana offered when she was closer. My spine snapped upright and whatever exhaustion I felt evaporated from my muscles to be replaced with the aforementioned fear.

"What can I help with, Leliana?" It took everything in me to keep my voice from cracking. Leliana was as self-sufficient as one could become, with her slue of agents and spies, she hardly needed me to do anything for her.

"Several months ago, the Grey Wardens of Ferelden vanished." She replied. I remembered a few lessons with Josephine concerning the Grey Wardens. Keepers against the Blight (which I had survived, I remembered) and guardians against the oncoming plague it brought. No one aside from a Warden knew the process for initiation, but they were a double edged swords. Having a group of Wardens around meant you could be safe, but it also meant that there was a Blight. Nothing could be without the other.

"I sent word to those in Orlais, but they have also disappeared." She continued. My attention was brought back to the forefront and I frowned. Two major groups of Wardens disappearing was not a good thing. Leliana caught my concern and nodded, "Ordinarily I wouldn't even consider the idea they're involved in all this, but the timing is... curious."

"Hella curious, yeah." I breathed, worried. "What do you need me to do?"

She smiled faintly at my wording. "The others have disregarded my suspicions, but I cannot ignore it. Two days ago, my agents in the Hinterlands heard news of a Grey Warden by the name of Blackwall." She bowed her head slightly, hands behind her back as Solas did often. "If you have the opportunity, please seek him out. Perhaps he can put my mind at ease."

My inhale was sharp and excited. "O-of course, Leliana. I'll see what I can do for you." She nodded with another silent smile and thanked me, taking her leave as the others hand. My hands trembled at my sides, warring briefly with my tired limbs. I could be useful for once, this was something an agent couldn't do because if the Warden was like the rest, avoidant of any political attachments, than you needed the spearhead to convince them, and I was that weapon.

Near giddy, I made my way down the hallway to the exit of the Chantry. I would have to collect Varric and Cassandra to go with me. Varric for his suave diplomatic nature and Cassandra for the sheer brute energy she put out that was normally a reassurance to other warriors (since I lacked the same territorial aura that Cassandra bled). I would still have to talk to Solas and see where we stood before I dragged him back out again.

"Excuse me." The voice caught me off guard, it was polite and even, unlike the sometimes frantic calls I got from some of the soldiers. My feet had marched me out the door and almost past the soldier, but I stopped on a heel and waited as they drew closer. They were armored from head to foot in a style unlike the Inquisition. My mind went on alert, desperately trying to place if I had seen such a style before.

"Can I help you, soldier?" I inquired, offering them a smile. Short neat hair, a stern but easy face, and a back that was ram-rod straight. Not of the Inquisition now upon closer inspection, but they didn't look a part of Orlais or Ferelden. Tevinter Imperium, maybe? God, I hoped not. I wasn't ready for that diplomatic fuck up.

"I've got a message for the Inquisition, but I'm having a hard time getting anyone to talk to me." They answered, tone level and concise. I frowned with a mental note to remind the officers in charge that lending an ear was more helpful than not.

I bowed my head apologetically, "Sorry about that, it's been a bit hectic the last few days. I can take the message." They assessed me with a wary eye, a quick glance over my disheveled appearance. I didn't present the best front, for sure, but I knew what would help. I grinned and raised my left palm, the Mark flashing with a brief pulse. "Not going to get much better than the Herald herself, don't you think?"

Their eyes grew wide, "The Herald of Andraste. Begging your pardon, ma'am, my name is Cremisius Aclassi, with the Bull's Chargers Mercenary Company. We mostly work out of Orlais and Nevarra." Once more my heart thundered in my chest at the mention of mercenary company and I felt faint. This couldn't be happening, I had just told them about it and this appeared at our doorstep?

Someone's fucking with me, what is this, a game?

He cleared his throat and continued, "We got word of some Tevinter mercenaries gathering out on the Storm Coast. My company commander, Iron Bull, offers the information free of charge." Now I knew someone was fucking with me. From what I understand (from movies in my old world and lessons from this one), mercenaries never did anything without payment, without compensation. A company willing to parley with information, for free? Madness.

"If you'd like to see what the Bull's Chargers can do the for Inquisition, meet us there and watch us work." He grinned a bit at the end, pride clear in his work and his company. It charmed me; I had to make sure I didn't step off on the wrong foot and let them set the pace of our relationship. One steadying inhale a second later and I nodded.

"How useful would the Bull's Chargers be for us?" I turned the question back on him. My brother had been a sales agent, and I remember the lessons he gave me about avoiding sales pitches in the stores or on the street. Never confirm anything, or show interest, and make them tell you the fine details.

"We're loyal, we're tough, and we don't break contracts." He answered firmly, arms crossed. "Ask around Val Royeaux, we've got references." Damn, that was fast. He didn't even have to stop and think about it. The question had either been posed to him a thousand times or he believed in the company he worked for, whole-heartedly.

"And your commander?" I returned pleasantly. The name Iron Bull was one hell of a moniker for a commander. It brought up all sort of imagery that hadn't flashed through my mind since the fourth grade when I was still terrified of monsters under my bed. Aclassi paused, briefly confused, and nodded.

"Iron Bull? He's one of those Qunari. The big guys with the horns?" Aclassi replied so casually that I was sure if he hadn't, I would not have been able to keep the pleasant, polite smile on my face. Horns? Who on this goddamn planet talked about someone that sprouted horns from their heads like it was a natural fucking thing? How the fuck did we skim over that in my lessons? Leliana and Josephine were going to get an earful, because if there were sentient creatures with horns like Hellboy coming out of their head, I needed to be ready for that.

I was not fucking ready for that.

Fuck.

Aclassi continued, unaware of my internal hemorrhaging. "He leads from the front, he pays well, and he's a lot smarter than the last bastard I worked for. Best of all, he's professional. We accept contracts with whoever makes the first real offer." Aclassi gave me a bit of a roguish grin, "You're the first time he's gone out of his way to pick a side."

Breathe, I chanted amongst my chaotic thoughts, just breathe.

Horns, my dude. You don't talk about horns like they're nothing.

My throat cleared its constriction, "Why did your commander send us this information?"

"Iron Bull wants to work for the Inquisition. He thinks you're doing good work." Aclassi crossed his arms again, all seriousness in his armor and straight face. My breathing was controlled, paced to counteract the erratic beating of my heart. I don't know if it was fear or anxiety, or just a panic attack all together but holy hot shit, my heart was going to give out on me.

"We'll consider your offer." My words were steady only because I held my breath as I said them.

Aclassi gave me a firm nod. "We're the best you'll find. Come to the Storm Coast, and you can see us in action." With that, the young man saluted me with his fist across his chest and bowed before taking his leave. I waved him off, waiting until he was well out of earshot and not likely to turn around before I turned on my heel and raced back inside.

"Josephine!" I had burst through her door with all the grace of a three legged gazelle and startled my poor ambassador to dropping her work. Leliana stood beside her, rigid in surprise at my outburst or the fact that I had, for once, used Lady Montilyet's first name. I pointed a twitching finger at Leliana, "You! You got a lot of explaining to do." I was out of breath and doubled over as the door closed behind me, Minaeve carefully dodging out before the conversation continued.

"I do?" Leliana was far too amused by my state. "What have I not explained properly, Herald?"

"What the fuck are Qunari?" I demanded breathlessly. It would have been more forceful, but I was already exhausted from our trek back to Haven from Val Royeaux, the emotional upheaval I had just before our arrival, and then the cardiac arrest I just suffered from the lackadaisical sentence of big guys with the horns. End quote.

Leliana and Josephine's eyes went wide and they shared a look, Josephine more alarmed than the former. "Qunari? Have you - did you see any? I wasn't aware of any Tal Vashoth in the area." Leliana shook her head as Josephine posed the question to her, I was too busy taking a seat on the nearby bench.

"Whoa, whoa, hold up." I coughed, waving a hand. "A what? One - one fucking thing at a time. Let's start with the Qunari, and then we move on to any subcategories therein, because I'm already fucking confused."

Leliana chuckled. "Indeed, your expletives are up ten-fold."

"Shush, you." I wheezed. My throat forced a harsh exhale and I cleared it before trying again. "What are Qunari?"

"Well," Josephine started, but stopped as Leliana raised a hand, a look of curiosity flashed across her mouth and twitched her eyes.

"Where did you hear that word?" Leliana asked carefully, leaning against Josephine's desk.

"There was a soldier, Cremisius? Cremisius Aclassi, who was at our doorstep wanting to talk to someone." One final cough and I cleared my throat enough to not sound like I was a ten-thousand year smoker. "He said he was part of a mercenary company called Bull's Chargers. He offered information about some Tevinter mercenaries out at the Storm Coast and -"

"He told you about their commander." Leliana finished for me. I blinked, blindsided. I could understand if she made a leap from Iron Bull's name to the man in question being a Qunari, but I hadn't given her anything of the sort. I narrowed my eyes at her and she sighed, arms pulled back and hands resting behind her.

"Qunari," She started with a light, educational tone to her voice, "is actually a word that translates into People of the Qun. Thus, Qunari is equivalent to Andrastian. See?" She wanted for my brief nod and continued. "It's used to describe the people who follow the Qun and generally originate from the islands of Par Vollen and Seheron. We didn't bring it up in your education because the likelihood of you meeting one was incredibly slim."

"Bit wrong on that one, I would say." I answered with a huff.

She nodded. "Perhaps. As for the secondary term you heard, Tal Vashoth, it's a name given to anyone who first followed the Qun and then abandoned it. Tal Vashoth are, mostly, killed on sight by their brethren as they're seen as unruly and chaotic."

Alright, so I could piece that together. "Okay. So when Aclassi says that Iron Bull is a Qunari...?"

"That might not actually be the same thing." Josephine regained her wits and snatched my question up readily. "Many people outside of Par Vollen and Seheron refer to the white-haired, metallic-skinned people of those places as Qunari, without actually knowing if they follow the Qun or not."

"Well, that's fucking confusing. Is it insulting to call them Qunari, then? If you don't know?" I asked, recalling my old world were calling someone by a religion when they weren't one was asking for a punch to the face. This was turning into a field of landmines that I wasn't sure I could tread.

Josephine shook her head. "No, as many of them who find themselves within our borders are Tal Vashoth, and have since left the Qun. They do not expect outsiders to know the difference and accept the term regardless." I shuddered, a trickle of terror wandered up my spine.

My brain caught up. "Wait, you said white-haired, metallic-skinned? With horns?"

"Yes," Josephine replied, just as confused. She caught on pretty quick. "Ah, of course. D-different world. Well. They're... about the height of just a stone below this ceiling most times, big, muscular, and with horns that come out of their heads. Males and females alike, though the females are typically more slender in appearance."

"Oh my god," I breathed, my head falling into my hands. "Guys. Guys, c'mon, how did you not think that was important to know? What if I met one? What if I saw one out in nowheres-ville and inserted both my feet into my mouth before knowing any better?"

"Well," Leliana chuckled again, "If that had happened, Cassandra or Solas would have dealt with it, knowing your situation."

"That is not at all reassuring, Spymaster." I snapped, but a hint of amusement colored my tone. Their nonchalance with the whole thing was having a calming affect on my internal terror. My eyes flickered to Leliana. "How did you know about the commander bit?"

Leliana hesitated with a glance at Josephine before turning back to me. "The Iron Bull, as he prefers to be called, had sent a missive earlier this month while you were away to Val Royeaux, asking to have the Herald and her compatriots come and view their work." She bowed her head with a bit of an apologetic air, though the twitch of her mouth told me she was very far from sorry.

"You didn't answer, if the soldier showed up." I figured.

"No, I did." Leliana replied easily. "I had replied that, when the Herald was available and he had neutral place to meet, we would be happy to negotiate. I suppose they finally had their opportunity appear and are inviting us along for the show." That explained her smirk during my little hiccupped conversation asking for the mercenaries. She had an option already lined up.

"Where you going to tell me about it, at all?" I asked, mildly peeved that it had taken my heart dropping through my chest before I knew anything about it.

"... honestly?" Leliana ventured. "No. The Iron Bull had asked in another missive that you not be told about our correspondence because he wished to assess how you took the information he was going to give you."

"What information? More than the Tevinter mercenaries?" I didn't like this. I knew my spymaster's job was to play the game of shadows and daggers (because I sure as hell Could Not) but the fact that I was now playing catch up unnerved me. The idea that Leliana was going to send me in blind to a deal she may have already accepted was definitively Not Okay. Mental note to speak to her, as well.

They didn't have to make it hard for me to be the Herald, damn it.

I also realized Leliana had not replied. I narrowed my eyes at her. "Leliana. I need to know. I may not be the sharpest knife in the kitchen, but you promised I wasn't going to be treated like a simpleton, remember that?" When I first dropped into this world, questioned endlessly for a straight two or three days about my other life, it had been clear that though I may not know how to swing a maul, I at least knew more than I could let on.

Planets and black holes for example. Cullen had promptly left at that discussion.

"I do remember, Herald. And you're right, I apologize." She dipped her chin to me, eyes honest. "It is so very hard to remember now that you are not what we say you are." She chuckled and took a breath to give herself a moment to collect her thoughts. "Let's play this game, then, and see where it leads us."

My eyebrow ticked. "Oh?"

"The Iron Bull is what the Qunari would call a Ben-Hassrath, or the secret police of their society." She glanced at me to be reassured I was following her lecture. "From what I can gather through the vague missives, he was most likely assigned to the lands of Orlais and Nevarra as a scout, though I could not guess to his true purpose."

"Do they all have titles like that? Or is that just military?" I asked, genuinely curious now that my anxiety levels were at a survivable notch of panic.

"All Qunari have titles. They do not have names." Leliana replied patiently. "The Qunari society do not waste resources unnecessarily; they're raised in groups, not by parents, evaluated for their innate talents, and assigned roles best suited from those assessments as they grow."

"Holy shit," I breathed. "How do you know all this? How did I miss this?"

Leliana hesitated. "I traveled with a Qunari once, by the title of Sten. He was a warrior caste, and when I could, I learned as much from him as possible." The reply was curt and I knew better than to touch it. Another brief inhale and she continued, composed. "As for The Iron Bull, I would deduce that he was re-assigned from his current mission, whatever it was, to the Inquisition. It is most likely the Qunari want to assess whether we can handle the Breach or if they need to prepare a full scale invasion to prevent the breaking of the world."

My eyes grew wide and my voice tight. "What?"

"Indeed," Leliana intoned. "I don't believe they would do any better, but it does leave the thought open that, if they did invade, we would be captured and killed, if we resisted, or put to use if we did not. You," she narrowed her eyes at me now, "would have been taken and kept alive for your hand, but treated like nothing more than a tool. The Qunari do not tolerate magic any more than we do, and you would be in the most valuable position, but the most mistreated."

My throat caught a breath and I forced a dry swallow. "... should I be worried about walking into this?"

Leliana shook her head. "I do not believe so. If you do accept the bargain, then I will keep an eye on him, Herald."

"Please do," I replied weakly.

I was not fucking ready for this.


Note: It never did sit well with me, the line that Bull gives you about already talking to Leliana before even meeting the Inquisitor, that Leliana never brings it up or warns the Inquisitor ahead of time. Either way, this is my way of explaining that little oversight.

Hope you enjoyed it!