Running On Empty: Draw The Curtain
Where the instinct had come from to bolt toward the rift instead of away from it, I wasn't sure. Fear had lanced itself through my lungs into my heart, though I knew the terror was due to something else and not the fact that a rift had torn the air right before us. I could hear it, I could hear the rift rip through the Veil before I saw it, the glow of the Fade pouring from the cut only a confirmation after I knew with certainty that it was there.
It was close.
I could sense the ripple through my hand, a leash bound deeply in the muscles of my arm, tugging at my tendons. The whispers of voices and echoed words trembled in my eardrums and stoked my panic, the flames of it drying my throat and searing my lungs closed. They were a cacophony of agonized voices, terrified and unruly.
Whatever was pouring though, it was horrified just as much as I. My company, with the addition of Warden Blackwall, stormed behind me. They were following my frantic gallop to the rift, but we were too late. The opening shattered in on itself and screamed, maw going wide and twisting in anguish, whips and tendrils of the Fade lashed out and clung to the ground.
For the briefest of moments, with a clarity I did not expect, I saw them; spirits. Seconds before they were torn from the Fade and jettisoned into the living world and my heart shuddered in my chest, tears springing to my eyes as they shrieked in rage and distress, their ghostly forms mutilated by reality. My hand thrummed with pain in my palm and it came up for my maul.
"Keep them off of me!" I hollered to my group. Solas and Varric had seen me seal rifts before, once a lifetime ago when we traveled up the mountain path toward the Temple of Sacred Ashes. The Iron Bull and Warden Blackwall would get a crash course introduction to being alongside the 'famed' Herald of Andraste. The thunderous pace of Bull could be heard behind me, Blackwall swore violently and arrows sailed past my shoulder as lightning struck the demons that appeared.
Game on!
My readiness to dive into the fight was fueled with a volatile cocktail of horror and rage. There was no telling if it was my own or that which poured from the spirits that were trapped on this mortal realm with us, vibrating through my palm and numbing my arm. The maul swept from my back and slammed into a howling wraith that had appeared next to me, dragging itself up from the pockets of Fade around us.
The spirit shrieked and was yanked back into the Fade. My arms trembled, the roaring heartbeat in my palm distracted me from the fight, the screams and sobbing cries of the demons sparked between my ears and made concentration difficult. I hadn't sensed this last time, not when I closed the smaller rifts before getting to the big one -
No, but I had, my brain supplied quietly, hidden behind the chaos and pain. I had sensed it, and it brought me to tears and unconsciousness. I sincerely hoped it wouldn't do it again this time. Another heavy swing of my maul and I caught the back of a writhing, cloaked demon, the same type that had come upon me when I first witnessed them. Its screams echoed with a pained ring in my head, my thoughts scattered.
When enough of them had been dispatched, I turned with my maul's head to the ground, supporting my weight with my right arm as my left hand rose over my head. The rift snarled at me, as it had done before, vicious and incensed at my audacity at commanding it. The tendrils of green light bit into my arm, past my skin, and heaved. My wrist rolled and I gripped the pull of the Fade and took a hefty step back.
This time, something was different. This time the Fade didn't close at first try. Something behind the shreds of the Veil bellowed and came surging forth, knocking my hand away with a monstrous smack. My body was shoved back and I was struggling to get on my knees. Bull was in front of me instantaneously with Blackwall soon by his side. I was gasping, my chest felt devoid of any organs and everything was coiled tight within a ghostly, unrelenting grip.
"It's n-not over!" I screamed at Solas. Alarm struck his face and he brought his staff down hard, a barrier flared over us three closest to the rift. Bull turned to me and gripped my arm with a savage hold, his diabolical strength wrenching me up to my feet. I fought him, weakly, to get loose.
"What are you doing?" He growled at me, the Fade rippled again behind him and I spied another wisp of spirits pounding against the Veil. My arm was ripped free by Solas, a cast of lesser healing shoved into my spine as he pushed me forward, back the way I was had come. Blackwall and Bull were behind us, snarling in disagreement.
"The rift was not closed!" Solas snapped at them, his staff whirling in his hold. There was another pulse, a beat through my left arm and I reached for my maul with trembling fingers. "It was a tear - she broke it open so she may seal it properly, stop gawking and be ready for the next wave!" Is that what happened? Would I have to do this with every rift that we encountered? The idea of it exhausted me and self-doubt curdled in my stomach. Maybe I'm not ready.
It was a bit too late for that thought.
Another violent surge and a fresh wave of demonized spirits flooded through the rip. My maul's weight had my arms scorched with pain in each passing swing. All those months of training with the recruits and the Commander felt for naught as I endeavored to stay on my feet. Each breath rattled through my ribs and my stomach desperately protested the stitch that appeared next to it.
Again, my hand rose above my head when Varric cleared a spot for me, I stared as the Veil trembled as we fought for dominance, the spirits around me disintegrating. A breath, a heartbeat later, and I pulled with whatever I had left. The screams echoed through my ears as the rift sealed and blew out, slapping me down in one final, vindictive push.
I couldn't get up to my knees. Sweat poured from my forehead and down my neck, my armor burned and felt seared to my skin. Shadows passed over me and my arms shook as I attempted to right myself into a sit. Solas was on me as soon as I looked up, an arm around my shoulders to hold me steady once I was upright. Varric had a flask in my hand and I drank it without question.
My face twisted at the bitterness, "Th-that is not water, Varric Tethras."
"After what I just saw, you need something stronger than water." He murmured and waited until I took another sip before capping the flask and then handed me a water-skin. I barely remembered to take small sips so I wouldn't be sick, my body shivering despite the heat that bubbled from the inside of my core.
"What in the world was that?" Blackwall exhaled, stunned. He walked near me and his knees hesitated before he dropped down to kneel beside me, his expression wrecked with worry. "What happened?"
"I think we would all like to know." Solas said darkly, looking over my face, his arm still around my shoulders. "Jaime, that -"
"It w-was the same." I groused, my throat shredded and I couldn't understand why. Had I been screaming? "S-same as when I sealed the Breach - not like the small ones. Th-those... I think those were just tears, b-but these?"
"What she talking about, Chuckles?" Varric muttered. Bull was stiff just beyond the outer semi-circle that was formed by the other three men. My left hand pulsed and something whispered, a dark, heavy intent filled it and weighed my palm with lead. I blinked down at it, recognizing it briefly as the same sensation I had felt with Cassandra, angry and resentful at the death of the Divine.
But this intent was deeper, swelled lower against my psyche. A swift, biting emotion. It drew from one of the men around me, but I couldn't place it. It would have made sense if it mimicked anger, but it didn't. This was peaceful, purposeful, and controlled. A unilateral intent to end me, to kill me where I sat. I looked up and my eyes were drawn to Bull. The moment our gazes locked, the emotion fled from my hand and the Mark fell quiet.
Profound horror struck me as my mind jumped through my thoughts; he'd kill me if I posed a threat with the Mark. Our conversation rang through my thoughts, clear as the sunrise; the Qunari want to know if they need to plan an invasion to stop the whole damn world from falling apart. I was a part of that, connected to the rifts and the Breach and considered part of that danger. The eyes were the windows to the soul and he was schooled at playing his emotions to suit the situation. His expression had gone neutral but my terror remained latched behind my lungs and up along my spine.
Could I pose a threat? I'm not a mage, Solas said - how could I be possessed?
"Jaime." Solas' voice rang in my ear and I turned to him, sharp and eyes slightly wild. He gripped my shoulders to anchor me. "Breathe. You always forget to breathe when it's most important. Please. Tell me, what happened?" I suddenly didn't want to, I didn't want to give Bull any more ammunition to use against me, to send to his people, to make it seem like I was struck with madness. Something must've flashed through my eyes because Solas nodded and held my face in his hands.
"Breathe, Jaime. You're safe." He seemed to have caught my fear and his hands dropped again to my arms. I swallowed and raised the Mark to view it, now with the rift gone, it had lulled into a dormant state in my palm.
"I - it felt like the original one. The Breach." My eyes closed and my hand clenched, I wanted to will away the ice that settled in my stomach. "I could hear them, the spirits, the demons. I could hear the rift before it tore open. I t-tried to get to it before it did, I'm s-sorry." A hiccupped sob came up my throat and embarrassment flooded me. I had wanted to be braver, to be stronger, to face these things like a Herald and not Jaime, but I couldn't. I knew now that I most certainly could not.
"You could hear it open?" Varric murmured, awed. I nodded and rubbed angrily at my eyes, as if I could push the tears back into my sockets. Varric's voice crumbled, "Oh, sweetheart..."
"Just s-stop," I snapped. Sympathy was the last thing I needed. All these emotions warred in me and I felt the urge to vomit just to be rid of them. It was a roll-coaster trip that I had not agreed to ride, that was for fucking sure. "J-just... don't do that, okay? I'm still f-fucking dealing with the a-aftermath."
"Aftermath?" The Bull questioned quietly. My gaze shot back up to him and I glared, throwing the sun's intensity behind it. He paused to study me and briefly something flashed behind his eyes before he relaxed, his head tilted. "Give us a play-by-play, boss."
"I c-can feel the shift in the Veil just before it's about to b-break," I coughed, trying to clear my throat as I choked back my tears, "It's in the M-Mark, I can feel it pulse before something happens." My eyes were finally cleared and I tipped my head back to look at the sky, shuddering down to my knees, my back straight from the slump I had when I sat up. "The closer I get t-to the rift, the more I can h-hear them - I can hear the spirits scream before they're pulled through."
"Pulled?" Blackwall pinned Solas with a narrowed look. "What does she mean by 'pulled'?"
"I'm right f-fucking here, asshat." I growled with lowering my head, annoyed that both he and Varric spoke as if I was ignorant. Blackwall's hesitant eyes settled on me and then looked away with a nod in apology. Solas sighed and moved to stand, holding a hand out for me. Grateful, I snagged it in my own and hauled my ass up onto my feet. Varric patted my back awkwardly and remorse swelled under my breast at having snapped at him. I placed a hand on his shoulder with more weight than I meant to, but he bore it.
"Not every spirit wants to be in this world." Solas started, his voice even despite the tremor I could feel in his hand. "The rift in a Veil... think of it like a hole in a bucket. Once there, everything from within spills out, regardless of want or desire. Jaime's is the hand that covers that hole and fixes it." It was a simplistic explanation, but it would have to do. On my feet and with Varric's shoulder to support me, I felt less dizzy and prone to vomit. I swallowed my tongue back and reached out to clap Blackwall's shoulder. To his credit, he didn't flinch under the touch and looked at me, worry still etched in the lines of his face.
I smiled for him, as best I could. "Sorry about the name-calling. Are you sure you still wanna be here? Not too late to back out."
"No," he replied swiftly, his hand coming up to clasp mine on his shoulder, "I stand with you, Herald. After that... I can't sit back knowing what I do now." My hand patted his shoulder and arm as I nodded. With a glance around, I found my maul and headed over to it, but Bull reached it first. He bent to retrieve it and took a few heavy steps toward me, the handle out for me to reach. My limbs hesitated for a second or so and then moved to take my weapon and swing it onto my back. The world fell back into place. Months ago, I would have never believed how much I would come to rely on the weigh of a weapon.
"We need to talk." Bull murmured down to me. My head tilted up and we held a stare before I nodded and proceeded to walk my way back up toward Lake Luthias. Blackwall followed without question. Solas and Varric paused only for a moment before they too came into my shadow, silent and watchful. Bull took up the rear.
- 0 -
The path past Lake Luthias was narrow and twisting. Unfortunately, we were camp in the little ravine just before another choke point that was filled to the brim with armored warriors and a splattering of archers. Two of them were nearly as big and bulky as Bull and had mauls that looked twice the size of mine. My body was still shaking slightly as I huddled against a rock. Solas returned from his scout ahead and stepped over toward me.
"There seems to be about eight to ten in total." He said, drawing in a patch of dirt in front of me. "Four archers, three or four swordsmen, and the last two are those armored brutes. No shields, but heavy armor and reinforced mauls." He drew out their choke up, showing where the fencing blocked off and where they stood along the defenses.
"Four against ten? Heavily fortified?" Varric murmured warily. "Would it be better to go down through the crossing instead?"
"It's just as bad." I replied, weary. "From what Lieutenant Aclassi told us, there was the fighting in the road, plus the fort, plus the choke point. It wouldn't be any better."
"We also don't know what lies beyond them, here." Blackwall muttered. "They could just be the forward party, and past them the actual camp with more like them." My hands came up to my temples and I dug the heels of my palms into them, my fingers gripped into my loose hair. I closed my eyes and ducked my head, trying to think.
"This is too secluded." I finally answered after a beat or two. With a pull of my neck, my head came up and I leaned on an arm, a palm holding my chin. "If we fight them here and manage to get past them - Blackwall is right, there could be more and we'd be trapped."
"At the very least out by the crossing, we have soldiers that could help." Solas nodded. "Shall we turn around, then, and head that way?" My eyes closed again as I nodded. My knees shook briefly as my weight centered on them. We trudged back the way we had come, past the lack and down the hill of the foothold. Shame bubbled up and left a bile taste in my mouth. It was ridiculous, but I felt as if the stares of the men around me bore into my back.
I was tired, suddenly. My shoulders ached and my spine was going to bend in on itself. Perhaps it was my anxiety acting up, or the immediate disappointment I felt at having failed not only Leliana, but now Cassandra. One step forward, two steps back. We arrived back at the Crossroads and Lieutenant Aclassi met us at the mouth of the tunnel just before we were going to step through.
"Your Worship," Aclassi exhaled, having run from the top of the hill where Corporal Vale had stationed himself. My company paused and I turned a weary eye to the lieutenant, another forced smile on my lips. With a nod from me, he continued, "There's been word from Scout Harding back at Haven. Your spymaster has sent a message about your lost patrol." Wonderful. With a deep stretch of my ribs and diaphragm, I inhaled and nodded.
"Thank you, Lieutenant." He was about to turn away when I caught his eye with a raised hand. "Can you do me a favor? Can you send a message to Leliana that the Warden in question has been found, and will be returning to Haven with us. No information on the others." Blackwall tossed me a sideways glance as Aclassi nodded and dashed off, another notch in the list of things I had given him to do. No sense in feeling sorry for myself if they've got to work; so do I.
The back of my skull was on fire and there was a pressure building up behind my ears along my hairline. Stress, perhaps, or a combination of it and whatever residual shit had gotten to me from closing the Rift. I wasn't ready for this fight we were about to undertake to get to Cassandra, but I was going to do it, god damn it. We traveled through the tunnel and reached the mouth of it. Looking up, I could spy the clearing high on the hillside where the little lake bled out from Lake Luthias.
"Ready, sweetheart?" Varric asked from beside me, his voice jarring me from my thoughts. My throat was rough and my tongue had the weight of a lead hook at its tip, but I nodded regardless. Falling back or faltering now wasn't an option. Solas shot me a look and tipped his head, ready to follow my lead.
"Nope," my word popped from my mouth, "but the world won't wait for me." My knees hiked up against gravity and we jogged out onto the road. We were immediately beset by a group of rogue Templars and my maul discouraged one or two of them, only to allow a third swordsmen fly at me from the front. Anger rose in my chest, tempered and exhausted, a hot coal after the flames had died out.
Viciously, I brought my maul down and smacked his sword hand. The clang rang out and he hissed at me and yet, it didn't frightened me as it had once before. I met his gaze evenly, my limbs numb from pain and feebleness, and it was like a weird, violent dream to spin and watch my maul catch his hip and chew through his bones. He dropped before me and without a though, my leg shot out and I stepped on his knee, shattering it.
My maul snarled down on his head and silenced his scream. Something in the back of my mind was hollow and howling, this isn't me, but nothing I did to push against the firm film of disassociation and disconnect worked. My body carried on with full apathy to my internal, emotional blight. Before I knew it, my armor was sprayed with flecks of blood, my maul covered in mud and my feet brought me to a stop just behind the road.
"We should move on," Solas ran up next to me, his expression stern and tight, worry in his eyes. "We are wasting time, we will only restore order once an alliance as been established." My head tipped in a listless nod and we pressed on past the fort. I eyed it heavily, knowing we would have to come back and clear it out to remove the Templars hold on the road. Ahead of us was the choke point that Aclassi mentioned, Templars lined along the defense.
A few of them were armed with heavy tower shields, an enemy of mine when it came to training with the Commander and the recruits. I stepped around Blackwall and Bull to allow their brute forces pave the way through as Varric and Solas peppered the combatants from a distance. Out of the corner of my eye, I spied two others, their armor glinted in the sunlight. The ridiculous, stupid move was to rush them myself, to take them with my maul and have them kiss the dirt, but wisdom got the better of me and restrained my knees.
You're running around like a chicken with her head fucking gone, my internal panic hissed at me. You're trying to prove something no one is asking you to provide evidence for! Guilt had overwhelmed me and the horror that I posed a danger to my companions still gnawed at my heart. I wanted to show that I wasn't useless, that I could stand as tall as the rest of them.
How can it be months after I've gotten here and I still feel like a child? People still had to come to my aid, Varric still had to act like a paternal figure and Cassandra looked exasperated with me half the time. Blackwall more than likely thought I was mad from my feet to my head and Bull.
I had never felt killer intent before. Never had it crawled under my skin and strangled me. I thought it was just a throw-away term in movies and novels to explain away emotions that couldn't be real. I had disconnected again, I realized with a start, a sword coming up to my face. A body lay dead at my feet and my companions behind me. I was losing touch with my consciousness and the fright made me ditch my current opponent with a weird duck and weave. I rolled and my maul crashed into his back. He stumbled, his tower shield covering half of him, but not the half I was aiming for.
My maul felt like it connected with the back of his head like a feather, and then the ricochet rocketed up my arms as his helmet was forced into the ground, hitting a rock. My feet stumbled as he also laid dead at my feet. Solas and Bull contended with the other Templar and my knees wobbled as I made my way to the camp they had.
I collapsed on a chest, my maul's head between my feet and the pommel covered by both my hands as my forehead came down to rest on my knuckles. The world spun slowly, tilting like I was about to tip off the edge of the world. My lungs took long drags of air but nothing stayed to alleviate my distress and my heavy-headedness.
Promptly, cold water was dumped over my head and I came up sputtering.
"Good morning." Blackwall deadpanned. "Back with the living, are you?"
A laugh was startled out of me, "F-fuck you, dude. What the hell? Where did you get a buck of water?"
"I didn't get it." He teased and pointed to Bull. "He did." The Bull snorted indignantly, catching my eye with a look of curiosity. Another laugh came up and my hand wiped back my hair, a sense of relief dripping over me with the water. Both men looked infinitely more relaxed as my body released its tension. They must've sensed the change in me as much as I had.
"And where'd you get the nerve to dump it over my head?" The heat of my words was lost in my grin and Blackwall smirked, shrugging lightly. Bull shuffled on his feet briefly, nose flared and horns dipped. Was he embarrassed? No, couldn't be.
"You're a bit small to be intimidating. I figured I'd have a pretty good chance of outrunning you." He crossed his arms as Solas and Varric came up the hill, they had taken the time to loot some of the bodies. I ignored the jab with a roll of my eyes and a shake of my head. Guilt peppered me for a second before Varric smiled at me, giddy with whatever her found.
"What's got you so happy?" I asked. A piece of parchment was shoved into my view. I took it and then looked over it at Varric, straight-faced. "Can't read, remember?"
"Oh, fuck me, give it here." He snatched it back, leaving me barking with laughter, and easily shoved it into Solas' nose. "It's a list of instructions to the stronghold out south of here. We can turn that in to the Chargers and let loose the Seeker on them." Solas primly accepted the parchment as he had become our designated clue holder and folded it away.
"She's not a dog, Varric." The back of my wrist wiped at my brow, my shoulders shuddered with the cold touch of water, but it helped me focus and felt nice going down my neck. Maybe that's what I needed, a bath or something to wash off the stress. With Blackwall's offered arm, I stood up and shook myself out.
"Well, I'd never say it to her face." Varric grinned at me.
I pushed at his nose as I walked passed him to the broken bridge, "Monster. C'mon. We got past the choke point, but I still don't see Cassandra." My maul was returned to my back and after a moment to mark the bridge on the map, we crossed it. Bull didn't even bother with the bridge, he merely waded across the river. Blackwall looked tempted, but instead leapt across with Solas.
Varric paused and for a moment, I wondered if he'd ask to be tossed. I snickered at the idea and he shot me a dirty look. Decided, he leapt across as well. My boots were good and with a bit of balancing I scuttled my way over. The hills seemed to split down the middle, a path curved in further to a field, but before we continued across, the cry of crows caught my ear.
"Poor sods." Varric murmured as he spotted them as well. We wandered over and with few snaps of my fingers, the birds flew off and left the body in peace. The clothes were tattered and the skin had rotted, maggots in eye sockets and mouth. My nose pinched and I held my breath to quickly snag the knapsack next to it. It held a note and some items that Solas took to inspect.
"Odd." He said, turning the parchment over. "Very odd. It's... legible, but barely. I'll deduce more when we're back at Haven." With a shrug I accepted the answer and we marched on down the path. Howls echoed along the hillside and with a quick glance at my company, I hurried along the path. Just at the crest of a patch of grass that led off into the farmland was a pack of wolves.
They turned on us and lunged. Bianca's arrow was the only thing that stopped the first one from catching my knees in a bite. I rolled as quickly as I could away, going ass over shoulder as Bull's maul came down and crushed the skull of the next wolf. With a gasp I came up but had no time to snatch my maul from my back and had to scurry away again. Solas dropped a barrier over my head and I took the bite to the hand, hissing.
"The fuck is it with canines chewing on me!" I growled. My arm swung hard and the teeth of the animal ripped through my knuckles, blood welling up. It didn't release my hand but it gave Blackwall ample time to bring a blade down across its spine. The animal went limp and dropped hard, whining, but it garnered no sympathy from the Warden who struck again, cleaving its furry head from its body.
I held my hand and pouted at it. Solas came to my side and with a gentle touch, casted a small spell to heal the bite. I shook out my hand and instinctively wiped it on my hip, frowning.
"That wasn't normal." Bull muttered darkly, kicking the body of a felled wolf. "Those wolves were acting weird."
"It may be the Breach." Solas murmured with a glance at my left hand. I swiftly hid it behind my back. "It may have driven them mad, or a demon may have taken control of the pack."
"Fan-fucking-tastic." I growled through a sigh. In front of us stood the homestead of the Horse Master and my body sagged with relief. The sun was setting behind it and we managed to get through the Templars with little to no trouble. A spot appeared in my vision and I swayed, catching Blackwall's shoulder in surprise.
"Herald?" The Warden questioned with a look toward me.
I shook my head. "Not... not good." It was all I managed before my eyes rolled back into my head and I pitched forward. I sincerely hope Blackwall was ready to catch me.
Note: I am of the extreme opinion that you cannot go wielding something like the Mark, a spiritual connection to the Fade, and not have some side-effects. I know in gameplay they have to limit animations and the like, but not on my watch.
Hope you enjoyed!
