x
Inner Demons
This is the story of the angel,
Who played poker with the devil,
In the Garden of Eden,
Before it all went pear shaped.
They said:
"I'll see your heart,
And I'll raise you mine."
- Bell X1
"They said they'll be here in the morning – after the sun rises." Beca drops the garlic clove back onto the counter.
"Sorry," Aubrey whispers and passes her a mug. Hopefully an electrician can reverse whatever Chloe did to the lights and somehow set things up so she can't do it again.
"If I get doused in holy water, I'm blaming you."
There's really no good way to tell Beca this isn't her fault and that she might actually be safer soaked in holy water, so Aubrey just nods in understanding and follows her into the living room.
"I guess now we just sit in the dark and do nothing."
It isn't completely dark, not with the curtains open and the candles Beca lit while on the phone. Candles that Aubrey gave her. "You know you could burn these on other occasions too, right? They're good for more than sitting around, waiting for an emergency."
"Maybe I like them all just sitting around," Beca replies, "If I burn them, they won't be here anymore."
"I can get you more."
"Or you could get me some tea lights so I wouldn't have to use these during emergencies either."
Aubrey smiles a little and sits down on the couch, using her mug to warm her hands. "I'll keep that in mind." And invisible hand slaps her in the side. Poltergeist. Definitely a poltergeist. "Are you going to sit down?"
Beca blinks several times and looks away from Aubrey. "Yeah," she answers, "Yeah." She settles down next to her, her own mug in hand, and stares down into her tea. "Now what?"
Another slap in her side. Aubrey does her best to ignore it. "I don't know." She sips her tea then rests her elbows against her legs and stares at the floor. How had she gone about pursuing something more than friendship with Brad? She honestly can't remember. It's difficult to think of anyone else, no matter the reason, when Beca is the one sitting next to her. "Beca, I-"
"Forgot what you were going to say?" Beca fills the silence that follows.
Yeah. Aubrey nods. Something like that. Coward. This time it's her own voice commenting on the matter, but she's sure that's what Chloe's thinking too. The thing is though – Aubrey isn't scared to tell her. She's scared to lose her. The room remains quiet except for the muffled sounds that come from drinking their tea while they both stare at the floor. "I'm really am sorry you had to see that last night," she says again when she can't stand to think about what could or could not be any longer.
"It definitely, uh, it was definitely not something I wanted to see," Beca admits, "But, I mean, it's not your fault."
If only she knew – and that's another reason that Aubrey can't tell her the truth.
"Are you okay?" Beca asks.
Aubrey forces a smile at her drink and nods.
"Would you tell me if you weren't?"
That question is a little more difficult to answer. "Yeah," she manages, her voice hoarse from the effort of making the words, "I would."
"You're a shit liar. You can't be okay after that."
"I'm trying not to think about it." Or how the sight of the aftermath is going to be etched into her retinas forever. Or how Chloe is right – she does kind of feel relieved he's gone. She places her mug on the coffee table and pushes it back with her fingertips, no longer thirsty.
"Do you want to go for a walk?" Beca asks, then quickly clarifies, "Not into the city. Somewhere more…I don't know, tranquil?"
"Tranquil?"
"Somewhere with less people."
Aubrey presses her thumb into her palm and stares down at her hands. Anything sounds better than sitting here with too much room to think. "Okay."
"Great, yeah, let's get ready then."
xxxxx
There is a tiny wooded path near their houses. It isn't what Aubrey would consider tranquil, but it is mostly devoid of people. Even Chloe doesn't seem to be there – for now. She stuffs her hands deep into her jacket pockets and tries to enjoy the silence without her mind wandering to other things. It doesn't work. "I'm sorry about your lights."
"Maybe a mouse chewed on the wires or something," Beca says.
Even though Aubrey knows for a fact that isn't the case, she plays it off with a distressed, "You have mice?"
"Yeah, giant ones that live in the walls. I've given them all names." Beca rolls her eyes. "Be careful walking around at night without shoes on."
"Maybe I'll just go home after this. I'll leave you to your Cinderella fantasy alone."
"If I steal one of your shoes, will you come back?" Beca asks.
"After you just told me mice are going to eat my bare toes?" Aubrey shakes her head. "I have other pairs of shoes." No comment from Chloe? That's a good sign. Maybe she had poltergeist things to do to some other unlucky person. Polygamy was becoming more common these days. Or maybe she was just the result of trauma that's wearing off. She can't shake that beyond the trauma of watching another human die, it feels like she has her life back again – not only does it feel like she's stepping outside for a breath of fresh air, she is outside breathing the fresh air and no one is on her case about it.
"Seriously, Aubrey, do you want to talk about it?" Beca asks, and Aubrey realizes they're no longer walking, "I'll listen."
Aubrey turns to face her. "I'm glad he's gone," she blurts out and then waits for some kind of reaction.
"Would it be shit to say I am too?"
Not exactly the reaction Aubrey was expecting. She imagined something a little more judgmental. "I hated every second he was home. I didn't want him to die though. Maybe just some drawn out divorce where I could watch the metaphorical life leave his eyes as I bled him dry financially." She drops down on a park bench and can feel her fitbit judging her. "Marrying him was a mistake. I knew it from the moment…" She knew it from the beginning, but the second she locked eyes with Beca, she could barely deny it anymore. "I don't make mistakes." She is compulsorily perfect – prohibited from anything that might even be perceived as a fault in character or in action.
"Do you want to get away from here?" Beca asks.
"We just got out here."
"I don't mean here, I mean here. Like, we could just pack up and move somewhere else. Away from…everything."
We. "Our lives are here. Our careers, our families, our friends…" Aubrey doesn't actually have that many friends, but Beca does and they're here.
Beca rubs her eyes with the heel of her hand. "But do you want to be?"
Not really. "Do you?"
The answer is silence. Beca raises her hands a few inches and sits down beside her then places her hands back down on the bench's edge. She stares at the grass like the answer might be hidden somewhere between the blades.
Aubrey sinks down on the bench and hesitates before leaning against Beca's shoulder. Where would they even go?
xxxxx
Beca's question eats at her. How could they just pack up and move? Why would Beca want to? Her entire life is here. And Aubrey's parents would kill her before they let her up and quit her job. What would she even do somewhere else? She lowers herself down onto the couch, blanket and pillow on her lap.
"You can sleep in the bed, you know?" Beca hovers in the living room even though they're both dressed and ready for sleep.
The idea of Beca's arm around her while she sleeps again makes her entire body warm. "I'm fine here." She props up the pillow behind her then smooths the blanket out over her lap.
"Yeah, okay, I'll see you in the morning?"
Aubrey nods. "Goodnight."
"Night." Beca gives her a half wave then turns and walks off toward her room.
The couch isn't so bad. It's not like she's never slept on it before. She has slept on it enough to know that it always causes her back to hurt the next day – but, other than that, it's fine. So long as she angles the pillow the right way so it doesn't cause her neck to cramp. She adjusts everything then lays down and closes her eyes.
"Really?" Chloe asks.
"Stop doing that," Aubrey demands, nearly falling off the side. She opens one eye and looks at Chloe perched on the arm of the couch near her feet. "Go away."
"I'm sitting right here," Chloe decides, "All night."
"Is that a deal?" Aubrey asks.
"We can make it a deal." Chloe winks.
Aubrey opens her other eye. She has kissed Chloe more in the short amount of time she has know her than she has kissed anyone else throughout her entire life. She sits up, pecks Chloe on the lips, then leaps to her feet.
"What are you doing?" Chloe asks.
Aubrey positions herself behind the arm of the couch and pushes with all of her might, inching it across the floor toward the kitchen. "A deal is a deal." She shoves her whole body up against it until it slides more freely. Once in the kitchen, she throws the couch cushions one by one into the living room then gathers up her pillow and blanket. "Have a good night."
"Did you just out-demon me?" Chloe asks.
Aubrey turns around to walk backwards with a smug expression. The manipulated has become the manipulator. "Stop fucking with me, or you're going to regret it."
