ACT II: Opposition In All Things


On to Act 2!


"Was it wise to allow The Order to continue under its own power?" Leliana posed the question to the open room as we stood around the War Table. The back of my eyeballs were burning from snow blindness and my legs had turned into petrified tree-trunks with our hard march back home to Haven. I had not trusted The Order not to run from me, so it had taken near a week to collect a majority of their veterans to have Cullen and the Inquisition forces escort them to Haven.

The absolute statistical nightmare that resulted from the sudden influx of people into a small, pilgrimage-only area had set more than just my own teeth on edge. Josephine had been seconds from stripping me of rank, title, and my first layer of epidermis had Leliana not predicted my scheming and swooped in with a battle-plan.

Tents had been rearranged, what remained of the Chargers who hadn't gone to the Hinterlands went into overdrive clearing more grounds and trees, Chantry Sisters and Mothers smothered those who came in with wounds or ill-effects, and I was popped like a zit, tossed to the outskirts of Haven in the hopes I didn't get trampled.

As stated before: a fucking nightmare.

"We're not keeping them," I answered her after a beat of silence. The room around me was frosty at best, with Cullen and Josephine less-than-peachy at the idea of Templars running amok, unchecked and unleashed.

"See that we don't." Cullen replied testily, his hand tight on the pommel of his sword. "The Order will be needed once this Breach is closed, to maintain peace and boundaries."

"Between who, precisely?" Leliana murmured with a gentle threat, Cassandra and she pinned Cullen with a hard look. "Because of our little venture to Therinfal Redoubt, the mages have vanished from Redcliffe Village."

"What the fuck is that about, anyway? How do a hundred-odd people just disappear?" I countered with my hands leaning against the table top. "Please, anyone, I will take farfetched theories at this point."

"No one knows." Josephine injected with a click of her teeth, annoyance clear. "Reports have come in that King Alistair had mustered his army enough to drive them out so his people could be at peace when –"

"He arrived to find the village abandoned." Cullen interrupted. Josephine scrunched her nose at him. The last thing I needed was the Heads starting to nip at each other, so I raised my hand to placate Josephine briefly. Cullen caught the gesture and tipped his head apologetically, and continued.

"There hasn't been a single sighting of the mages since you left. The Magister gone with them, as well." Cullen sighed and brought his other hand up to rub at the lower part of his face, scratching at his scruff. "It's all very strange and quite possibly, a good sign for danger. They could be anywhere."

"Doubtful." Cassandra growled, her lips as tight as the arms across her chest. "They must have heard the Herald had gone to retrieve the Templars and fled for fear she would bring them to Redcliffe to subdue them."

"I mean, technically," I interjected with a wiggling finger, "that was exactly the idea, but not like, forcibly. I wasn't going to chain them down or shit like that, I just wanted to make them see reason."

"Dangerous words, Herald, but I understood your point." Leliana replied with a raised brow. "Either way, as it stands, we must now decide what our best course of –" A sharp, small soundwave burst from the center of the table, knocking all of us back to our heels. Smoke whipped up and twirled in the air before vanishing as a form appeared within it.

"The Templars are getting impatient, they don't like to wait." Cole's voice was firm in the surprised silence of the room, his echo gone from my thoughts long after we had left Therinfal Redoubt. I had almost been willing to think I had imagined the sorrowful boy.

"Maker!" Cullen hissed, and the sound of swords singing from their sheaths entered my ears.

"Wait, wait!" I shouted desperately, leaping into a sit on the surface of the tabletop, knocking over figurines as Cassandra and Cullen came around the other side and brandished their swords. Leliana had fallen away to the shadows of a high candelabra with Josephine somehow teleporting herself to the door – how the fuck she get over there so fast?

"I came with you to help. I would have told you before, but you were busy." Cole murmured sadly into my ear, his chin inches from my shoulder, the brim of his hat over my head and tipped to one side. I exhaled and held a hand to my chest, reaching up with my other hand to pat his cheek.

"Th-that's fine, Cole, you just – scared the crap outta us." Another gusty sigh. "Christ, you guys."

"Do not give me that," Cullen chastised with narrowed eyes, "when he appeared out of thin air!"

"I wasn't air," Cole retorted softly, shaking his head, "I was here. You didn't see me. Most people don't until I let them."

"Call the guards!" Cassandra growled over to Josephine, the golden woman wide eyed with bewilderment. "This creature is not what –"

"A moment please, Cassandra." Leliana interrupted with curiosity lacing her words. She stepped forward from her shadow, the brief glint of her knife flashing as she hid the blade away. "I would like to hear why he came."

"You help people." Cole's attention was honed on me as I turned to look at him, his eyes shimmering between the colors of blue, green, and brown. His hat mussed my hair as he slid past me to stand. "You made them safe when they would have died." Surprisingly, Cole held his hand out to me and without a thought, I took it with my Marked hand.

"I want to do that." He gripped my fingers firmly. "I can help." The minute pain of the Mark, the constant pulse and throb that I had grown accustomed to, faded for a small, heavenly moment. It returned when he let go of my hand and I was back to standing among my council.

"Cole saved my life in Therinfal," I mumbled, amazed by the shift of his eyes, "I couldn't have defeated Envy without him." Gently, I turned my gaze away from Cole to Cassandra, shoulders square and mouth firm.

"But what does he want now?" Cassandra accused, her sword raised slightly.

"Cassandra, I think he really is trying to help." I reached out and attempted to lower her sword with the palm of my hand. Foolish, perhaps, knowing how sharp those things were. Cassandra knew exactly that and quickly lowered her weapon so I wouldn't slice my hand on the blade.

Cole lowered his head and folded his hands. "I won't be in the way. Tiny, no trouble, no notice taken unless you want them to."

"You're not honestly suggesting we give him run of the camp?" Cullen demanded lowly, coming up to my side. His hand rose to take my elbow, but the Commander thought better of it and lowered his hand into a fist at his side.

"Not… freely, perhaps." Josephine straightened her skirts by the door, voice clear. "But it seems a waste to – hold on!" All five of us blinked at the space that Cole had occupied, now devoid of the boy or his body. A hand rose to my mouth to smother a laugh as Cassandra and Cullen glanced about, swords high.

"Where did he go?" Cassandra fretted.

"He's… probably still here, if his words were anything to go by." I glanced about as well, curious. There was a gentle touch to the palm of my Marked hand and I grinned; I was right.

"In any case." Leliana refocused us. "He seems… attached to the Herald. Hopefully this will lessen any trouble he may cause."

"Hopefully." Cullen grumbled, sheathing his sword with a click. "The Herald is a handful on her own."

I blinked at the Commander. "Was that a pun?"

"Maker."

-0-

The noise level within Haven had risen since the arrival of the veteran Templars. With the addition of them to our ranks, it was critical now that the Breach be closed as soon as possible before their fellows arrived. Josephine and Varric could only do so much to maintain the quantity of our supplies for so long. I had been dismissed from the War Room as Leliana and Cullen devised their plan to get me, the Templars, and Bull's Chargers up to the Temple of Sacred Ashes safely.

The conversation didn't need me, as my focus was solely to prepare for the hard march and fight that I had ahead of me to seal the Breach. If it was anything like the other rifts I had sealed in times past, then the biggest of them was going to hurt the most (possibly kill me). My first stop was to Solas, I hiked my way through the fresh snow to my companion's cabin. Ducking around the storage and past Adan's cabin, I came upon the sight of my elven friend seemingly waiting for me.

With his arms crossed.

Fuck, someone told him.

I raised my hands, exasperated. "Who?"

"Your Qunari." Solas answered just as quickly, non-existent brow dug deep over his eyes. "You didn't honestly think he wouldn't tell someone about your incessant need to be reckless, did you?"

"Who the fuck," I grumbled with slumped shoulders, "that ass is supposed to be on my side."

"And thank the heavens he is," Solas turned on his heel to reach his door, gesturing for me to walk inside, "otherwise, you'd be dead twice over. What part was misunderstood that you were not to use the Mark as a weapon, Jaime?"

"I understood, alright." I cranked at him, flopping onto the edge of his bed, my hands falling to my lap as I peered at him. "But you should've seen this fucker, Solas. It wasn't like he was gonna just stand still and let me have a shot, goddamn whack-a-mole that he was."

Solas very carefully pinched the bridge of his nose. "I understood half of that."

"This creature moved like a centipede, Solas." I clarified, my hands wrung together. "He had, like, six arms and no neck and the body of a left-a-long-time-ago torture victim. He burrowed into the ground and then reached up to drag our asses under it."

"And your best course of action was to stare it in the face and call it, what was it? – A hot dog?" Solas sighed with deep frustration, but hearing the words 'hot dog' out of his mouth had me cackling despite the severity of the situation.

"This is not a laughing matter, Jaime."

"Dude, the fact that the words hot dog came outta your mouth is just – priceless." I continued to snicker even as the poor egghead stormed deeper into his cabin and pulled open his drawer within his desk. He reached inside and retrieved a well-worn journal and came back to me, eyes and mouth stern as stone.

He dropped the journal by my hip on the bed. "It will kill you."

And just like that, I thought bitterly.

"What's this?" I took up the journal and paged through the first and second leaflets, skim-reading through Solas' elegant and swift handwriting. Though my reading comprehension had improved significantly, reading quickly was a continuous struggle.

"My studies." He exhaled and took the stool from his fireplace. "While you have been away, I have been making trips up to the Breach to study it."

"I figured." I mumbled, reading through a small section. "Looks like you were… comparing my experiences with the smaller rifts to this big one. What were you looking for?" I glanced up at him, confused. It was unlikely that he could have found much, as my only encounter with the Breach's rift had been brief, and I had passed out soon afterward.

Solas gave me a bored blink, and I caught up.

"Oooh." I answered breathlessly. "Right, I did pass out. I managed to seal it, but at the cost of fainting."

"It wasn't merely that you fainted, Jaime." Solas began, voice quiet and serious. "When Cassandra and I brought you back to Haven, you were on the brink of death. Adan was absolutely sure you were going to die."

"From fainting?" I squeaked, alarmed at the idea. Passing away in your sleep was something, hopefully, you did when you were old. The journal's pages crinkled in my hands and Solas reached forward to soften my grip, but didn't take the journal from me.

"From exhaustion." Solas said plainly, gaze nailed to my face. "You fainted from extreme exhaustion. Everything had been taken from you, life and soul. There was not much of your spirit left when we attempted to heal you."

The journal trembled in my hands, tears welling up in my eyes. "Wh… what happened? I m-mean, obviously I woke up – what happened?" Solas sighed and pressed the heel of his palm to his forehead, a human gesture that I hadn't seen from him before, even in his most exasperated moments. A new low for him, I was sure.

"It is why I had requested that you stop using the Mark. Little by little, you are draining your life away to seal these rifts." He explained, and then reached over and tapped at the journal's edge. "Every time your arm goes numb, you are expending life force to physically close a tangible field of energy. You're repairing these rifts in the Veil, not forcing them shut."

Suddenly, Edward Elric's voice flashed through my head. "... equivalent exchange."

"Yes, precisely." Solas replied in surprise, eyes momentarily wide. "I – well. I suppose something similar to this would exist in your world."

"Not quite," I choked. "How… is there any way to tell how much I've lost already?"

Solas shook his head, solemn. "No, unfortunately. I cannot even judge the extent of how much life-force you use, as the numbing varies from rift to rift, does it not?"

"It does." I answered softly. "The… the time at Fallow Mire was the worst, but there was no rifts there."

"No, but there were demons." Solas continued studiously. "My theory is that you are expending energy, life energy, to forcibly remove these rips and demons. Here." He reached for his journal and I held it out to him with a limp hand. He switched from his stool over to the bed, sitting next to me and turning to a page with drawings of Sloths and Terrors, along with weapons for my closest companions.

"When we use our weapons to dispel these spirits, we're not actually hurting them." He pointed to a drawing he had made of Despair, both solid and as if it was fading away. "What we are doing is – with each blow we land, they must in turn use energy, Fade or otherwise, to remain corporal."

"They only have so much, here in this reality." I breathed weakly, shaking at the similarity Solas was attempting to explain.

"Exactly." Solas nodded, a small, terse smile on his face. "Spirits, even demons, don't actually die, as we do. They simply disperse and reform back in the Fade, as that is where their energy is strongest."

"Conservation of mass." I murmured thoughtfully, looking down at the page. Solas frowned at me, his head tilted slightly with a twitch of his ears, curiosity piqued for a second.

"If you would explain, please." Solas asked gently. "Context suggests much, but clarification would be appreciated."

"The law of conservation of mass, it's…" I struggled, trying to recall my college science classes. "Uh, simply put; mass is constant despite the forms it changes into." He blinked at me, expecting me to continue, and so I struggled to continue. "So, basically, mass or matter cannot be created or destroyed, it just… is. It exists always in the same quantity, but can be in different forms… I think?"

"Interesting." Solas stood and moved over to his desk with his journal in hand, taking a quick seat. He pulled his inkwell and quill close, his hand sharp as he jotted down more notes on the next blank page. I remained on the edge of his bed, my hands empty and fingers touching, resting in my lap.

"... you really think this is going to kill me?" I asked into the silence, quiet and trembling.

The scratch of Solas' quill paused. "In theory? … Yes. It should kill you. But with the Templars to help…"

"Would it kill them?" I immediately asked, terrified at the thought. After I had promised them sanctuary from their most recent hell, this tasted viciously of betrayal. My heart raced in my chest, "If it's gonna just exchange their lives for mine, then we can j-just fucking forget it!"

"Jaime," Solas attempted to assuage me, "if we can seal the Breach this way –"

"Don't!" I nearly shouted. "D-don't – don't give me that it's good math bullshit!" My fingers laced together and gripped my palms tight against their opposite, my wrists trembling from the effort to keep the rest of my body from shaking. I hunched over my hands slightly, my eyes shut but swelling as I fought back tears. I couldn't do that to them, I couldn't lead them to death. If expending the whole of my energy to seal the Breach and they could go home...

Solas stood from his desk and came toward me, his hand resting on my head. "... sometimes I forget how young you are."

"I'm almost thirty," I spat weakly.

"Almost is not quite thirty." He replied with a small, sad chuckle. "Here, none of that. Chin up – where's your handkerchief?"

"Why is it mine?" I sniffed wetly, releasing my hands and using the back of my wrist of one to swipe at my snotty nose. "Isn't it yours?"

"Yes, well." He found it at the bottom drawer of his nightstand and gave it to me. I took it and wiped at my face. "Considering that you've contaminated it thoroughly, I consider it yours."

"You're sweet," I joked bitterly. My eyes were cleared of their preemptive tears. "A jackass, but sweet." A long silence dragged between us. Solas left me to my clean up, the previous conversation dead in the air. He placed more logs into his fireplace and shifted the old ones around. I folded up my handkerchief and placed it away at the bottom of his drawer. Take that, you nerd.

For the moment, I was appeased.

"Have you met Cole yet?" I asked into the empty air, grasping at something that wasn't talk of my damnation into hell. Solas turned to me from his fireplace and opened his mouth to speak before he snapped it shut, eyes wide.

I chuckled, the tingle in my palm lessening. "Cole, you can't keep doing that, buddy."

"But you asked if he met me yet," Cole replied, utterly confused. His hat tilted and he glanced between us, his hands fidgeting at his sides. "I heard it, in your head, you wanted him to meet me. I was already here."

"How… extraordinary." Solas breathed, standing from his haunches and stepping toward us slowly, as if he would spook Cole with any other faster movement. "You're… a corporeal spirit? How?"

"I am because I wanted to be." Cole replied simply, as if the knowledge of manifestation was common. "I didn't want to be what I was, so I decided to be what I am."

"Indeed." Solas was within arms' reach of us now, his focus intent on Cole. "And you named yourself Cole?" Cole hesitated, shifting his weight on his heels from one side to another, contemplating his answer.

"Yes." He finally said. "And no. I am Cole, because I was already Cole when I became who I am." Solas glanced at me in the hopes of some sort of explanation. Flippantly, I shrugged with upturned hands. Who knows was all I could convey, because rightly, I had as much of a shot understanding Cole as I did Sera.

Who I hadn't spoken to in weeks. Fuck.

"So how about this." I stood with a clap of my hands on my knees. "You two have a nice chat, I gotta go make the rounds if I'm going to die."

"You won't die." Cole replied, dauntless. "You're not meant to die."

"I… have no idea how to take that." I muttered, stepping through Solas' door with a sure-foot forward. The door closed behind me and the pulse in my hand was back. The palm was brought up closer in my vision; Cole was very skilled in hiding from the Mark, or manipulating it. Perhaps that was the reason he was so assured of my safety.

I wish I had his confidence.

I walked down toward the small tavern in Haven, but upon seeing the Templars crowding around the door, singing along to whatever it was that Maryden was playing, I decided otherwise. It was a lame excuse, but going in puffy-eyed into a crowded and loud tavern just didn't sound like fun. It wasn't like the bars back home, dim lighting would not save me here.

Varric was missing from his place by his fire and tent. Poking my nose around, one of the runners told me he had made his way up to the Chantry, more than likely to speak with Josephine and discuss the running of supplies. We were dangerously low and our ability to feed both soldiers and civilians was becoming precarious.

I moved on toward the front gate and took a few nervous paces before deciding to walk through. Bull had wanted to talk, wanted the story of what happened with the Envy demon, but now in the face of it, I was hilariously apprehensive. Qunari liked demons all the less than magic, and as I had contended with one toe-to-toe, there was no telling what he would think of me now.

Would he think I was possessed? Would he think, even after defeating the demon, that something remained? Christ, there was no knowing with Bull, and considering that I had already angered him with my antics during battle, it was a toss-up as to what kind of welcome I was expecting once I reached his tent. It was a minute more or so before some of the merchants were giving me concerned side-eyes and I turned to make my way down toward the tent.

Krem wasn't at his usual post, away perhaps with the rest of the Chargers and finishing with their own preparations (and rehoming, since the veterans were becoming demanding children). Bull stood, as always, at the mouth of his tent and his gaze leveled on me as I approached. His head tilted for a moment before he sighed and ducked inside of his tent, holding the flap open for me.

Shiiiiit. I'm in so much trouble.

I walked in past his arm and spooked to one side as he let if fall behind us. A thick swallow was forced down my throat and I busied myself with glancing around the small space. The tent was tall enough to allow Bull enough room with a small hunch to his back, his horns cleared of snagging. A tiny table at one end, and I noticed there was no cot, only a straw-and-cotton bedroll on the ground.

Viciously, my mind brought up the giggling words of the Chantry sister and I rattled my brain angrily before taking a seat on a small crate closest to the tent flap. Bull dropped himself onto the bedroll, careful of his ankle, and folded his legs. He looked up at me with a raised eyebrow and I found myself inexplicably frozen.

"Everything alright up in that head of yours?" Bull asked neutrally. I could hear his attempt at a casual start to the conversation, but I had a hand at being paranoid over how people treated me. The classic Hot-Potato method of passing around the anxious person was not unknown to me.

"Yeah, we're solid." I said cryptically. There was a spasm on his right eye and I chuckled. "I am, Bull, yeah. Chill, dude."

His expression pinched at my choice of words. "So, you promised me a story."

"Usually that kind of line is reserved for bedtime." I replied reflexively, my deflecting mechanism kicking in, but it backfired on me spectacularly as both of his brows rose higher on his forehead. I pointed a warning finger at him, "Ack, no, don't go there. That's not what I meant."

"Right," he chuckled, his shoulders relaxing. "Let's try this again: what happened back there, boss?"

"Where do I fucking start?" I raised my hands and let them drop to my knees, palms up. "Do we start where I started hearing a voice in my head, or do we start where I ended up stuck in my own mind or – you tell me, big guy."

"Let's start with the voice." Bull acquiesced with a nod of his head. "When I got to you, you were shaking like a leaf. Was it just one voice?"

"One voice was enough, dude, trust me." I complained, rubbing my thumb into the glowing spark of my palm. "I swear, it sounded like he was coming over a loudspeaker – a device that amplifies voices, sorry – and it just… hurt."

"I noticed." He replied carefully. "You dropped like a dead duck, and that scream – sounded like someone somehow managed to bring you down."

A weak laugh came up, "What, worried for me?"

"Shouldn't I be?" He fired back. That shut me right up and sheepishly, I ducked my gaze back down to my hand, excusing my silence as I worried over the Mark with my thumb. Chill, Jaime, he doesn't mean anything by it. He sighed heavily and leaned onto an upturned arm, chin in his hand and elbow on his knee.

"If you want me to keep trusting you, you need to talk to me." Bull prodded lightly. "Because from my end, all I saw was you go from Jaime into monster in the blink of an eye."

I shuddered at the imagery. "I wasn't possessed, if that's what you're asking."

"You almost were." He retorted quietly.

"Almost isn't the same as actual." I chuckled again, paraphrasing Solas' earlier words. My head feel back and I closed my eyes, feeling the burn come up again behind my eyelids. With raised hands, I rubbed at my sockets and sighed, doing anything I could to buy myself time to explain.

To think up an explanation, at least.

"Envy demon, we understand the general concept, yes?" I asked, bringing my head back down to him slowly. He nodded, waving at me with his free hand to continue. "Right, so. It wanted to be me, and I'm pretty sure it almost succeeded, had I not had Cole or my piss-poor attitude."

"I'm going to be honest," Bull interrupted gently, "that – thing, boy? – worries the crap out of me."

"Spirit," I corrected absently, "and join the club, he worries everyone else but Solas. And me."

"He's not much different than the Envy demon, Boss." Bull rolled his wrist, waving his hand to enunciate his wording. "Demon, spirit – not living, as far as anyone knows. And he can get inside your head, he's proven that already."

"Well, yeah, but he didn't muck with anything in there." I pouted, offended on Cole's behalf. Granted, I had known Cole for less than a month, but one didn't go through a personal hell with someone and not come out attached at the hip because of it. Cole was – is, special. He was to me, to be honest.

"How could you know? Demons are good at twisting your thoughts to make you want things you've never wanted before." Bull was damningly good at playing the Devil's Advocate and though usually I admire the play on it, it was starting to itch in this conversation.

I exhaled, settling my nerves. "I know, because it didn't – neither he nor the Envy demon could see my memories before Thedas." My words brought him to a full stop, his green-blue eye narrowing at me, his shoulders stiffening again.

"... none of them?"

"None," I shook my head, gently slipping from the crate down to the floor, my leg stretched out, the sole of my boot nearly to his bent knee. "Envy was pulling memories from, like – the first day, you know? When Cassandra had me in shackles and all that, but… he wasn't using anything else."

"One would think; if he wanted to be you, he'd be better prepared by using earlier memories." Bull speculated, running his thumb over his cheek thoughtfully. "Maybe he decided on just using your memories from when you became the Herald?"

"Then he's a shitty imposter." I quipped. "People change over time, yeah, but who we are – our core responses – are all reactions that stem from our earliest experiences, and those are hard to change."

"True, I'm not going to argue that with you." Bull waved his hand to pacify me. "All I'm saying is: consider it. Anything that gets into your head that isn't yours is dangerous."

"Like Re-educators?" I blurted, waspish that he was taking swipes at Cole. A wince hit my face the second those words flew out of my mouth because I knew better than to throw shade like that. Bull paused and gave me one solid blink before sighing and nodding.

"Right." He groused. "Like them – so, after that?" I hesitated, worried now at the figurative eggshells that now lay before me. Gently, I reached for my wrist and rolled it in my grip, popping the joint softly.

"It kept talking to me, trying to distract me, I guess." I shrugged a shoulder. "All the way up to the entrance. There, when I got in reach – the Lord Seeker, Envy, he grabbed me and poof, I had an out-of-body experience."

Bull tilted his head. "What do you mean? You were still there."

"Oh, sure, physically." I noted, nodding my head with a sarcastic tint to my words. "But mentally? I checked right out and was transported who the fuck knows where. It was smoky and misty and green, like a badly colored dungeon." Bull leveled me with a serious look, but kept his mouth tightly shut. Worried, but not overly so to stop my explanation, I continued, but quiet and much more aware of the words that flew out of my mouth.

"It showed me visions, of Cullen, Josephine – Leliana, even. Tried to… get me to react to situations, things I could hear in the memories. It was inventing things, trying to spook me, I think." I rubbed at my wrist again and released it once the skin went red, my gaze flickered between my lap and Bull's face, nervousness and anxiety rippled through me.

"It's a classic tactic." Bull murmured quietly, chin back in his hand. "It's one of the ways you can root out spies, putting them in stressful situations makes their instinct take over. Civilians don't know how to dodge a knife."

I winced. "Lovely."

"Honest." Bull countered.

"Anyway," I exhaled, my palms together in my lap, the toes of my boot stretching slightly to see if I could touch his knee. "It was… exhausting. It kept trying to draw me into answering him, gettin' a rise out of me, but… like I said, my piss-poor attitude –"

"The demon wasn't expecting you to deflect so much. Your anxiety got to you, did it?" Bull graced me with a tiny, amused smirk. It did all the wrong things, my face heated up like a red balloon, my ears felt like they were going to curl into themselves and I was painfully aware of how small this fucking tent was, Jesus H. Christ.

"Hey, we don't talk about it like it's a real thing, I told you." My toes could reach his knee, and I tapped it to make my point. "But… yeah. And with Cole, he helped me realize where I was, in my own head, and there's no greater maze than my thoughts."

"That's for sure." Bull teased gently, his smirk widening slightly.

The flush reached the end of my neck. "B-but, after that, it was… easier. Not easier, just less painful. Still exhausting, though. Demons and people spawning in my thoughts, trying to frighten me."

"How did you get out?" Bull ventured. "Because, like I said, you came out spitting-mad."

"Because I was mad. I was pissed from here to high heaven." I quipped, mouth at a slant. "I had just wasted – what felt like to me – a lot of fucking time trying to chase his ass down. When I finally got to him –"

"Wait," Bull faltered, "you what? You chased it? The demon?"

I blinked, my hands bouncing once in my lap. "Well. Yes? Duh, what the fuck else was I supposed to do?" The look Bull had given me just then, so reminiscent of a cat's prowling stare that I hesitated with continuing. Had I said something wrong? Weird? What did I miss? Surely that alone wasn't enough of a red flag?

"What?" I demanded, shoulders hunched. Bull brought his hand up to his eyes and rubbed a hard knuckle into his good eye, wincing hard and sighing heavily, as if attempting to expel his own lungs from his body. He shook his head with a sharp inhale.

"Nothing, continue. You caught it, then? That's why you came back?" Bull concluded, his eye sharp on my face. Personally, this felt more like an interrogation than a conversation, but I supposed that made sense. He was looking to confirm that I wasn't possessed, only insane.

"Not necessarily." I muttered, my eyebrows dancing on my forehead. "It wanted to try again, wanted to put me through more pain to get the best of me. I wasn't going to have that shit, so I shanked him." Bull shook his head again and muttered something under his breath, possibly in Qunlat because even at our proximity to each other, I couldn't understand it.

"And that brought you back?" Bull replied.

"Yeah." I murmured with a shrug, my boot-toe at his knee again. "Envy had already stretched itself thin trying to trap me, it didn't have anything else once I got a hold of him." A few heartbeats passed between us, a gentle silence that breathed easily and for the time, I felt relieved.

And then I remembered he snitched on me. I nudged his knee hard, pouting.

"Asshole, you told Solas about the arm thing again." There was no heat to my anger. I understood why he had done it, but that he had gone around my back to do it, or didn't wait for me to tell Solas first hurt more than I thought it would.

"I wasn't sure you were going to tell him." Bull confirmed my suspicions. "You usually don't. I – look. I'm not going to play the Blackwall card on you, but… I understand his concern. You're a bit…"

"Reckless?" I suggested. He graced me with a tired sigh. I chuckled, "Yeah, okay… I can see it, too. I'm sorry."

"No need to tell me you're sorry." Bull assured me, rubbing at his ear and base of his horn. "You didn't hurt me. I just want to make sure you're thinking these things through, Boss. We don't know what the consequences are."

I shuddered, my innards trembling as I realized Solas hadn't told him what I recently learned; my life being drained away by the Mark. Seconds dashed by as I wrestled with what to tell him, if I were to tell him anything. Realization struck hard; I wouldn't be able to share this with Blackwall, or Vivienne, or even Varric. The Hydra Heads? Forget it. Bull, though, was someone I wanted to tell, desperately.

Instead, I smiled, nodding my head. "I got ya, we'll just have to be careful from now on."