Another chapter, at least one good thing to come out of self-isolation, eh? Thanks very much to FriendlyNeighborhoodHufflepuff for your review on the last one! Let me know what you guys think of this one.


"I've not seen him since the funeral…"

"Aye. I don't think he leaves his chamber much at all."

"I know he's grieving. But surely, he has business to attend to? With the Elves having departed and the Men taking up refuge in Dale..."

"Dain is handling it."

"Dain won't be here forever, though. He has his own business to attend to in the Iron Hills."

"Aye, it's true."

Arinna listened to Ori and Nori talk without saying anything herself. She was sat with them in the kitchens, watching as Bombur was preparing a small meal for them, while at the same time clearing out the place to make it functional again. The brothers had been talking about Fili for a few minutes now and had sent her worried looks in between, noticing that she wasn't saying anything on the matter.

And indeed, Arinna did not know what to say. She knew nothing more than they did. Fili hadn't talked to her since the battle, and it had now been a week since. Much like them, she had barely seen him at all. At first, she had put it down to her own shock as well as his. She hadn't really talked to anyone until the day of the funeral herself, and she could not begin to imagine how Fili felt. He had lost his little brother and his uncle in the span of a few hours, two of the people he loved most in the world. Arinna had accepted that he might want to be left alone, that he would seek out her company once he was ready, if he wanted to. Though that hope had begun to dwindle by now.

"He's not eating properly, either," Bombur interjected quietly, stirring the pot of stew he was preparing as he addressed his friends. He shot Arinna a short look as she took in his words with a small frown, not wanting to worry her further, but nevertheless feeling as though he ought to mention it. "I leave food outside his room every day, he never touches it."

"Perhaps, if you were to take it to him…" the fat dwarf continued tentatively, but the druid shook her head ever so slightly, lowering her eyes as her heart filled with sorrow.

"He does not wish to see me," she muttered quietly, feeling her friends' concerned and surprised gazes rest on her. She felt an uncomfortable knot build in her stomach, as she shortly looked up and caught Nori's eye. "He won't even open the door."

None of the dwarves knew how to respond to her words, not having expected them. Arinna was Fili's One, if she had no way of getting through to him, who would?

"He just needs time," Ori offered up, trying to sound comforting but his words did nothing to console the druid. She gave him a short nod, anyway.

"Bilbo is talking about leaving, as well," Ori continued in an effort to change the subject, causing the others to look up at him in surprise. He merely gave them a small shrug. "Has he not told you? He's going to go with Gandalf. Back to the Shire."

Though they ought to have expected it, this news settled heavily between them, none of them truly able to imagine a day without their little hobbit. Bilbo was part of the Company, Arinna thought with a suppressed sigh, though she could not blame him for wanting to go back home. She couldn't blame anyone for wanting to leave this mountain after all the terrible things that had happened here. Over the past week, she had even caught herself imagining how things would have turned out if she had simply declined Gandalf's invitation all those months ago. Life in Evendim seemed blissfully boring now, peaceful and quiet. If it hadn't been for Fili, perhaps she would have gone with Bilbo, too.

"When are they leaving?" she asked quietly, looking over at Ori again.

"In a few days. They'll be gone by the end of the week, I think," the young dwarf answered with a sad look, letting out a small sigh. He shook his head with a rueful smile. "I will miss him quite a bit."

The druid gave a small nod and the others did the same, and they sat together in a sorrowful silence for a while, the only noise in the kitchen the sound of Bombur occasionally stirring the stew.


It was a cold night, light sprinkles of snow were falling from the dark sky and illuminating it slightly. Arinna watched as they silently and elegantly glided down and settled on the ground before the mountain's entrance. She was sat on one of the large steps underneath the gate, shivering slightly in the frosty wind that blew over the plain. It wasn't long now until it would be covered in white. She was only wearing a light cloak over her tunic, though the cold didn't really bother her. She hardly felt it.

"What are you doing out here all by yourself?"

The druid jumped slightly at the unexpected voice that sounded behind her and she quickly turned around to see Balin holding up his hands in an apologetic gesture.

"Sorry, lass," he uttered kindly. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"You didn't scare me, Balin," Arinna answered quietly, giving the old dwarf a reassuring nod as he stepped forward and slowly sat down beside her with a small groan. "I was just lost in thought."

Balin gave a slow nod, while reaching into his pocket and pulling forth his pipe. Arinna watched for a few moments as he stuffed it, before the glowing red light of his match illuminated the darkness around them. The old dwarf took a few small puffs, his gaze wandering thoughtfully over the snowy plain before them.

"How are you feeling, dear?" he finally asked, turning his kind eyes back toward her. Arinna held his gaze for only a moment before she looked away, drawing her cloak tighter around herself.

She shrugged slightly, before she answered him honestly. "Forlorn."

Balin let out a small sigh as he puffed on his pipe, looking at the druid beside him with sad eyes. "You do seem troubled, dear. I am not the only one to have noticed it… Have you talked to Fili?"

Arinna drew in a sharp breath at the mention of Fili's name, knowing that he could hardly be among the people that had noticed her troubled state of mind, before she shook her head. She kept her gaze straight ahead, feeling the old dwarf's kind eyes resting on her as she answered.

"He will not talk to me," she said quietly, sadness tinging her voice. Today had been another day in which she hadn't even seen him once. "I go to knock on his door, but he does not answer. He keeps it locked. He does not come out, does not eat. I don't know what to do, Balin…"

"He needs you now, more than ever," Balin answered, but again, Arinna shook her head. "And you him."

There were a few, long moments of silence between them as Balin's words lingered in the air. As small clouds of smoke from the old dwarf's pipe made their way skyward, Arinna let out a sigh. When she next spoke, her voice was quiet and thoughtful.

"When my father died, all I felt besides my grief was anger," the druid muttered, lightly rubbing her cold hands over her legs, as Balin listened quietly. "Because life just went on. He was buried with the rest of the dead, and a ceremony was held. And then life just went right on without him, and that made me so angry. The woman who took me in, the colony elder… she would try and talk to me about it, about how I felt. And I would lash out at her, shout at her, or say nothing for hours as she would just sit beside me and wait. She tried to be there for me any way she could. We eventually began to talk, and it all became a bit easier with time."

Balin gave a slight nod, waiting for her to continue as she took in another shaky breath. "Looking back, I am grateful that she was there for me when I really needed someone. And Balin, I know that Fili also needs someone like that, someone to help him find a way forward. I know that he needs someone to hold on to in this time, but..."

She felt a heavy hand come to rest on her shoulder when she trailed off, trying to swallow past the lump that had built in her throat. What she was about to say was weighing heavily on her and she wiped at the few tears that had gathered in her eyes. Balin gave her shoulder a gentle, comforting squeeze.

"But what?" he asked, concern clear in his quiet voice. "What is it, lassie?"

Arinna swallowed tightly, sniffling a few times as she wiped more tears from her face. Her voice was cracking as she spoke, finally uttering aloud what she had been thinking ever since it had happened. "But how can I try and be that person for Fili… How can I ever give him comfort, when it is my fault that Kili is dead?"

Balin opened his mouth in shock, quickly slinging his arm around the druid's shoulder as she began to cry heavily. He pulled her against his side, shaking his head as he hugged her. "What in Mahal's name are you talking about, Arinna? Kili's death was not your fault."

"But it was," the druid struggled to say through her tears, sinking into herself as Balin kept a firm hold of her, his large hand rubbing up and down her arm in a comforting gesture. "He tried to save me. That is why he died. Because I couldn't protect myself. Because I was too slow, too stupid –"

"Arinna," Balin interrupted her gently but firmly, shaking his head. The druid fell silent, though her body was still shaking with silent sobs. "Kili's death was not your fault. Many good people died in this battle, and there is no one to blame for that but war itself and the evil that brought it upon us. Do not burden yourself with such guilt. You are not to blame."

Arinna shook her head slightly, but said nothing else as Balin kept rubbing her arm, suppressing a deep sigh as he looked out over the plain once more.