ACT II: To Whom It May Concern, With Love
Note: Holy shit! Nearly half a year since the last update, thank you to all who continue to return and leave comments! I truly appreciate them and in this crazy time, they are one of the few things that keep me going. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
The trek back to the camp felt like an eternity that stretched from my toes to the safety of the tents. My companions had trailed along in front of me, a sad and twisting line of slumped shoulders and tired backs. Bull remained with me at the rear, with Cole not too far ahead of us. The three of us were silent as we walked, but my mind raced with anxious thoughts. I had thought getting rid of the dragon as quickly as possible had been the best option, but my companions had thought otherwise.
Blackwall, and to some extent Cassandra, were upset at the use of my Mark, and the dangerous implications it held. Vivienne, though not necessarily pleased with the method, was content with the end result. Insomuch, she wasn't dead, the dragon was dealt with, and the group was mostly unharmed. Tentatively, I made my way into the camp and could hear the voices of Vivienne and Solas rise up alongside that of Cassandra's and Blackwall's.
"So you've always known she could do that?" Blackwall accused heatedly. "Wouldn't that have been prudent information to have for the rest of us? We could have planned this whole endeavor differently!"
"Darling, I am curious to know your thoughts on differently." Vivienne fired back, her arms crossed. "Not moments before you were adamant that she shouldn't be using such a weapon."
"I believe the point the Warden is attempting to make is that, had we known, we would have been better prepared to avoid losing any of our group to the Rift she created." Cassandra amended with a rough clear of her throat.
Solas frowned, grim. "I shall admit my fault on that responsibility. Though it is a power that she can wield, it is unstable and not a weapon that can be utilized consistently."
"And have you told her that?" Blackwall groused darkly, his eyes narrowed and fists tight.
"I'm not a child, thank you." I commented abruptly, the heads of my companions turning toward me as I stepped into the camp. "First, yes, he did. Second, I know the Mark is dangerous, but so is any bastard with a sword." Blackwall puffed at that and Cassandra's hand came out to stay him in his place. A wordless conversation flashed between them, a frown dropped on both of their faces.
"May I make a request, Jaime?" Cassandra turned her honest gaze toward me. "In the future, may we be informed of such changes to best accommodate them?"
"I'm not about to be an ass and say no, Cassandra." I replied readily. It was a weak branch of diplomacy, but we would both make the effort to avoid a fight breaking out amongst the group. The Inquisition soldiers around us were already nervous and twitchy as we barked and snipped at each other.
"We've dealt with her type of honesty before." Blackwall muttered, his dark eyes focused on me. "You've –"
A chill shivered up my Mark as the emotions of my companions froze and tightened anxiously.
"Don't finish that." Bull growled threateningly over my head, his shadow a cape over my shoulders. "You know you won't mean it, Blackwall." The words became smoother, gentler toward the end and the Warden's shoulders dropped a fraction in shame. A small sliver of ease snaked through my group as the blowout was avoided. My heart thudded painfully in my chest, wondering how close we had just come to a fight.
Thank you, Bull.
"I will do my best to warn you guys ahead of time." I continued softly, my gaze jumping from Blackwall to Cassandra, then to Vivienne. Only one of them avoided my eyes. "I know I'm not the best at this leadership shit, but I will… I'll do better."
"Thank you." Vivienne accepted with a sharp nod. "I do not disagree with our own that detailed information on what you are doing, are capable of doing, would benefit us all. Though a leader should not give all of her secrets, mind you." This directed pointedly toward the rest of my companions. Solas' expression tightened in annoyance as the others cast their gazes away like children.
"Terribly sorry to interrupt," Dorian popped up around Blackwall's shoulder, startling the Warden to one side. Dorian's face was set with a thin line for his mouth. "The retainer has arrived in Redcliffe, my love. If you would be so kind as to accompany me?" The coil of fear and anxiety released for a glorious moment, only to return with a rough twist in my gut at the new challenge ahead of me.
"Will you be gone long?" Cassandra asked, exhausted. Her shoulders trembled under her armor with her attempt at keeping her back and shoulders straight for the crew. My mouth tightened over my teeth for a moment and I could only offer her a shrug.
"We're not sure how long this meeting will take. Pack up the excess, head back to the Crossroads and settle for the night. We need to talk to the Corporal about setting up a camp and getting this quarry running again if possible." Vivienne and Cassandra looked off into the distance behind us, where the empty battleground and the dragon lay.
"Clever," Vivienne murmured, bent fingers tapping her chin. "Stone, iron, and the space to build. Wonderful, I shall get it underway, Inquisitor." The Enchantress gave me another sharp nod before striding off, calling for soldiers to assist her. I shared a confused look with my companions and shrugged once more. I was just as lost as they were to the mind of our resident badass.
"I shall see that our people be moved, Inquisitor." Cassandra cleared her throat. "I am under the impression that Bull's Chargers will remain with us?"
"Yes," I quickly answered before I lost my nerve with Bull's heat at my back. I swallowed hotly and looked straight up, Bull's chin in my line of sight. "Have your men pack up and head out toward the fortress toward the… fuck."
Bull chuckled, "Forgot where it was? Krem's got the map, I know which one. We'll see if we can clear it out by tonight or tomorrow morning, Boss."
"Thank you," I sighed, my palm rubbing into my temple. "Let's go, Dorian."
-0-
"Should we be concerned that this could be anyone else but the retainer?" I questioned my companion as we made our way through Redcliffe. The villagers had slowly returned to their homes after the invasion of the mages had disappeared, and King Alistair had assured the Inquisition's visitation rights.
As long as we don't invade the place ourselves.
An uncomfortable sense of dread had settled over the population. Many had been displaced upon their return as someone had taken to destroying the homes and fields of the citizenry in their absence. Many eyed Dorian and myself with suspicion, especially once they noticed the bulbous staff end over Dorian's shoulder. We cut through the town and made our way toward the tavern of the Gull and Lantern.
"Perhaps. I have my doubts it will be a single retainer, but my parents weren't prone to violence." Dorian speculated quietly beside me. His fists were clenched tightly at his sides, his arms at a mechanical swing against his hips.
"Just secrecy?" I joked lightly, attempting to lift the mood. Dorian spared me a small, amused smile, but it disappeared nearly immediately at my glance.
"Well, it was better than admitting we hated each other." Dorian countered sarcastically. My eyebrows shot up my forehead at the wording and he reeled in a nasty smirk from his face. "Oh yes, we couldn't reach an agreement, you see. I wouldn't abide by their choices, and they couldn't abide by mine."
"I suppose joining the Inquisition is a bit of a career-ender." I replied cautiously. It wasn't as if we had openly discussed who Dorian considered himself to be. I had shamefully made my own assumptions to his person and had been working under the policy that people Just Knew.
What a kick in the balls.
"Yes, that, too." Dorian bit caustically through his teeth. "I suppose now would be a wonderful time as any to admit that I –"
"I know, Dorian." I quickly interjected. Rude as it was to slap someone back into their closet as they were stepping out, but I knew the heat of the moment and the anger at meeting this retainer was driving Dorian to vomit his confessions in public. A public, that by the sounds of it, wouldn't be as accepting of him as I had originally thought. That wasn't fair to him, as much as I wanted it to be confirmed. Dorian blinked hard, but only the slow of his stride and his slumped shoulders gave away his distress.
I glanced at him; my hand reached out and our fingers laced together tentatively.
"I don't do well with keeping secrets, it sounds like." There was no tremble in his voice, no shame, no guilt. The tightness in his voice withheld his anger, a rage that had burrowed deeply into his gut and rooted into his bones.
"I will admit I was disappointed," I answered casually, ignoring the way his fingers gripped mine like a lifeline, "All this flirting and now I know it was for naught." A choked laugh escaped him before he finally turned his gaze to mine and we shared a grin.
"Silly girl, I would have thought your type would be more inclined toward 'Big' and 'Beastly.' Oh, you're pouting, how adorable." He teased and raised our hands up to kiss the back of mine. With a playful glare, I dramatically withdrew my hand and sighed heartbrokenly, looking to continue on toward the tavern.
"Rude, and here I was going to tell you that I love who you are regardless. Well, you can just chuck that –" I was stopped, verbally and physically, as Dorian's hand came down on my shoulder and held me in place. With a surprised, rapid blink, I stopped with a slow turn toward him, curiosity just at the tip of my tongue before I caught sight of his tremulous expression.
"Inquisitor." He started, his voice caught in his throat. "I know you mean well by saying such things, but you needn't coddle me." My words nearly tipped off the end of my tongue to refute him, to deny that they were said in jest, and in that moment, I saw the storm roll behind his dark eyes and my heart stuttered. How many times had someone said the same thing to him, only to deny it after they found out? How many friends had he lost because of their ignorance, their fear?
Humbled by it, I raised my hands to the one gripping my shoulder as my mouth worked over my words.
"Dorian. I'm going to share something with you from my home, all right?" I started quietly, my gaze locked on his face. I squeezed his hand and prayed I didn't fumble. "Who you are? How you want to live your life? Who you want to fall in love with? We have people like that in my world, who live open, happy lives. It was, is, a hard fight for it – but it does exist."
He stared, his jaw tightly clenched.
"I will do everything I can to bring that home to you." I promised him heatedly. The pain of it welled up in my chest, punching my lungs upward into my throat, choking my words briefly. The lives and smiles of my friends, of the people who taught me better, rushed behind my eyes. "You deserve to be happy, you deserve to live your life like you want, and you deserve to be you."
Dorian's hand trembled and he fought it by gripping my shoulder tighter.
"I don't know how long it will take, and I can't promise it will be easy, but I won't stop until you and everyone else who wants to be loved gets their chance." Absently, I smoothed my right palm over his taut arm, hoping to ease him out of his tense, ready-to-bolt spring-loaded state.
"You barely know who I am." He muttered wetly. At a glance, there were no tears in his eyes, only heartbreak. A wince ticked at my eye, ashamed that I had put him in such a state, but the urge to reassure him had been overwhelming. Would I be able to accomplish any of what I had promised him? Probably not, but I was determined to give him my absolute best.
"You can tell a lot about someone by how they treat others." I answered quietly, holding onto his arm. "You don't think I see how your heart bleeds for the people around you? How you mourn for your countrymen? You're a walking piece of a shattered heart, Dorian. I can't save you from giving too much of yourself, but I can still return that love to you."
With all the grace and tranquility of a whispering river, Dorian's hand left my shoulder and took up the back of my head while his other arm came around to hug me to his chest. The muscles over his lungs hitched and he readjusted himself to lock his elbows across my shoulders with his temple pressed against the top of my head. I reached around him and held my palms to his back, my fingers hooked onto the edges of his belts and together we swayed, sensitive and tender and trembling.
"I don't understand how you can say that so easily." Dorian's words fastened to his throat thickly, his fingers in my long braid. I wondered at what to say for a moment or two in silence, but considering we were sharing the wounded parts of ourselves, I plunged myself the rest of the way.
"I've lost a lot of things, Dorian. People, my friends, my family. Brothers. A home. Safety. I'm… angry and scared. Hella scared, most of the time. I don't know how long I get to stay, so I'm not going to make the same mistake and not tell people how I feel about them." My voice was muffled against his chest and I shifted to breathe easier against it. My arms shifted, but I held on in refusal of being the first to let go. He had hugged me first, so he would decide when enough was enough.
"This world doesn't deserve you, my sweet darling." Dorian murmured into my hair. "Maker, I'm half-inclined to give that Qunari fool a piece of my mind." Immediately, I was derailed and I pulled back slightly to look up at him, confused.
"Where the fuck did that come from?" I laughed, my hands playfully swatting his back. "We're trying to have a serious conversation here, you twat."
"I am absolutely serious." Dorian stepped away and carefully swept the back of his fingers along the waterline of his eye, avoiding his eyeliner and shade. "The man smiles at you like he owns your heart and I for one am offended he thinks I haven't already claimed it." A snorting laugh escaped me and seconds after, Dorian broke out into his own snickers as well. A warm twist of excited hysteria seemed to take us in the laughter. Dorian reached out after he managed to control his amusement and held my face in his hands, kissing me smartly on the forehead.
"You are mine and I am yours, yes?" He teased with a winning smile. "Together and forever."
"I'm going to cry, you asshole." I shoved at his chest lightly, earning another laugh from him. "If we start matching clothes, I'm going to be upset with you." I started us back on the path to the tavern that we had wandered away from in our emotional state.
"Goodness, with me?" Dorian harped smoothly. "I should be upset with you, you dress like a drowned mouse."
"Christ, man." I swore at him, a hand flapped in his direction. "Did we not just confess our undying love for each other, what the hell?"
"I take it all back." Dorian sniffed, running a dramatic finger under his eye like a weeping soap-opera star. "I was caught up in the moment, you bamboozled me."
I sighed, refusing to laugh. "In Jesus' name, amen. You're a handful."
"Indeed, I am." He winked at me. With a groan, I violently rolled my eyes and stalked the rest of the way up toward the Gull and Lantern's door, shoving it open with a flourish. With an abrupt thrash of my heart, my brain shriveled at the sight of an extremely quiet and painfully empty tavern. Dorian shifted in behind me, his expression sharpening from laughter to angered caution in the span of a blink.
"This doesn't bode well, does it?" He spoke into the silence. Then, in the darkened mouth of the stairway's landing, booted footsteps sounded and brought us to turn our attention toward the source. A robed figure stood before us, the cloth glittering in the torchlight with bright gold trimmings and emerald waves folded into ruby colored padded shoulders.
The man was older, but his face was just as strikingly handsome as Dorian's. Sharp lines cut along his jawline and over his cheeks, giving him an unrelenting stern expression with full lips and deeply dark eyes. There was no mistaking who this man was, and I was damned if he tried to pass himself off as a retainer.
"Father." Dorian greeted with a hint of emptiness.
"Dorian." The man answered. Suddenly, those haunted eyes shifted over to me. We stared at each other and it was beyond me on whether the man was attempting to intimidate me or his expression was always set in a disapproving frown, but frown he did. I relaxed into a soldier's rest despite my heart thundering in my ears.
The man hardly moved, but his eyes moved to Dorian. "I see you were told."
"Astounding, isn't it, what a little trust will do." Dorian spat, startling me. A red and vicious heat collected under his words and rushed up against his teeth. I spared a quick glance between Dorian and his father, assessing whether or not I was suddenly going to need to jump in and stop a brawl.
"I did not mean to deceive you, Dorian, I only wanted –" The man stopped as Dorian took a hard stride forward, leaving me at the door.
"Didn't mean to deceive me? I read the letter, clear as day, you wanted to trick me into coming here!" Dorian snarled, his shoulders tensing like a cornered cat's raised hackles. "There never was a family retainer, was there? The Inquisitor was right to suspect something underhanded like this!"
Once more the man's heavy eyes found mine, but I stayed my ground. This was only my fight when Dorian made it my fight. From the sounds of it, Dorian hardly had anyone stay in his corner once faced with his father. The muscles in Dorian's back coiled and twitched as he paced around the man in front of him.
"What was the plan, father? To take me back, kicking and screaming? Too ashamed to disown me, coming back to correct this whole debacle in your favor?" Dorian spat angrily, glaring at the man's dark eyes with a fury I saw only reserved for Venatori.
"Dorian, please." The man pleaded gently, attempting to quiet his voice out of my earshot. "There's no need for this display."
"No! There never is, is there!" Dorian retorted, his voice bouncing around the ceiling beams of the tavern. I kept my back to the door, my hands on the handle to keep any unwanted visitors out. I suspected that his father must have bought out the place for the day, but I wouldn't chance it.
Dorian reared to his full height, inches from his father's face. "It's always the same with you. Whenever I've done something out of line, you're always there ready to drag me back in."
"Dorian –" The man tried again, his voice higher.
"I suppose I'm right, aren't I? Fearful that the Inquisition would find out and try me for hedonism!" Dorian nearly shouted. With a streak of pained fear flashing through his eyes, Dorian's father snapped his gaze to me. My brow rose in question, daring him to ask me, daring him to prove Dorian's point.
"She knows." Dorian growled with a hard step into his father's line of sight. "And do you want to know something, father? She had the absolute audacity to say she loved me anyway!"
It was small, but I heard it. The tiniest, almost unperceivable crack in Dorian's voice.
The two men stared at each other, both on the edges of long-sharpened knives, watching for the other to strike first. The conversation wouldn't go anywhere with Dorian at his father's throat, that was certain, but I wasn't about to allow my friend to rip themselves apart for someone else's benefit. Slowly and with a heavy foot, I stepped forward and reached for Dorian's elbow. I held on when Dorian resisted me and cleared my throat.
"Dorian. We're here on your terms, remember that." I cautioned him quietly, my gaze focused intently on a belt loop that hung from his shoulder. I would lose my nerve and snap at his father as well if given half the chance. Dorian exhaled, his shoulders relaxed, and he stepped half a pace away from his father. I moved with him, careful to keep myself at his side and not shield him.
This was his moment, and I wouldn't coddle him.
"This is not what I wanted." The man's voice had deepened again, back to its gravelly texture. He folded his arms in the sleeves of his robes and waited, his attention swimming over Dorian's figure for a quick inspection. Dorian tensed under the once-over, but remained in his place, his fists white-knuckle tight.
"No, of course not." Dorian murmured exhaustedly. "I was never what you wanted." For the briefest moment, I spied a flicker of hurt pass over the man's mouth in a twitch. I didn't know enough of the family dynamic to be sure it was genuine, but the information slipped to the back burner for later. Instead, my attention peeked up to Dorian, who spared me a glance.
"To fully confess, I enjoy the company of men." Dorian explained with his head tipped to one side. "My father disagrees."
"It was a matter of –" The man attempted to interject, but Dorian nailed him with a glare.
"What matters? Trying to live up to an impossible standard with impossible rules?" Dorian accused venomously. "All that matters is the inter-marrying of family to produce the perfect mage, the perfect body, the perfect mind. A perfect leader."
His father shifted, the sleeves twitching over his hands. "I only wanted what was best for you."
"What was best for me?" Dorian cried, pained. "How dare you! I was hounded, constantly, every perceived flaw – every aberration – was deviant and shameful! You tried to keep me hidden!"
"Dorian, please." The man begged quietly, his hands gripped tightly together as he took his first step forward toward us. Under my hands, Dorian tensed and I loosened my grip to make sure he knew I would not hold him to stay. His father stopped, glancing between us. "Please, if you only listen to me…"
"Why!" Dorian demanded, nearly shaking me off with the force of his ire, "So you could spout convenient lies again?" I let go before he could drag me with him. Dorian took a deep step into his father's personal space and his voice dropped into a valley of pain. His father stood frozen in his place, but rocked on his heels briefly at Dorian's approach.
"He taught me to hate blood magic!" Dorian spurred himself on, his attention caught between me and his father. "– the result of a weak mind. Those were his words!" Dorian turned away and ran a hasty hand through his hair, angrily shoving it back and displacing it into wayward strands along his ears. With Dorian's back turned on his father, I maintained a careful stand between them.
"But what was the first thing you did when your precious heir refused to play pretend for the rest of his life?" Dorian's voice cracked deeply in his throat and he held his hand at the top of his head, taking a hard inhale to control his words. "You tried to change me."
His father crumbled slightly, "Dorian, I promise you… I truly only wanted what was best for you."
"You wanted what was best for you!" Dorian nearly screamed, his voice ripping through his teeth with his fist slamming through the empty air. "For your fucking legacy! Anything for that!" His father's silence cut swiftly and Dorian did his best to hold in a sob as he turned and slammed himself into a nearby bar table. Quickly, I followed and leaned into his slanting side to keep him upright.
"Hey," I breathed, wrapping my arm around his elbow to hold his arm against my chest, "Hey, hey! Easy, handsome, easy."
"Damn him." Dorian swore under his breath, leaning his weight into my shoulder.
"... What do you want to do, Dorian?" I asked tentatively.
Dorian shook his head. "What is there left to do? Nothing will change."
"You don't know that." I replied quietly. "He wasn't given a chance to have a say. I'm not saying you owe him one, but you can't decide another's actions for them." Dorian stared darkly at the tabletop and his fingers scratched over the uneven wood before he smacked his knuckles against the surface and he rocketed back toward his father.
"Tell me why you came." Dorian demanded hotly once within arm's reach of the other man.
"If I knew I would drive you to the Inquisition –" His father began.
"You didn't," Dorian refuted with a hiss. "I joined the Inquisition because it's the right thing to do. Once I had a father who would have known that." Dorian turned on his heel and headed toward the door. I was quick to follow and almost collided into his back when his father's voice echoed over our shoulders.
"Once I had a son who trusted me." The man murmured, heartbroken as he followed after us. "A trust I betrayed… I only wanted to talk to him. To hear his voice again. To ask him… to forgive me." Dorian shook under my hands against his back. I patted his hip lightly and peered around his arm up at him. Tears welled in his eyes, but he refused to move.
"Hey." I said again softly, catching his attention. "You've got this. Your terms."
"On my terms." Dorian exhaled. He closed his eyes and inhaled before nodding and patting me along toward the door. Patiently, I watched as Dorian approached his father. Comforted that Dorian wasn't about to disappear in a kidnapping, I wandered outside to take a much needed breath of fresh air.
Only to find a very startled, very flustered Skinner.
Oh, no.
Note: As an update, the next chapter should be up before the end of September, all things willing. We're nearing the end of Act II and we'll dive right into Act III! Thank you again to all that stuck it out, I hope this was worth the wait!
