"Most people would try and figure out what they'd want to do with their life, but you just think 'What would make me happy right now?" Xander said. "It must be great to be you."

"I don't like to brag," Jayne said, "but they have made a statue of me."

"Can't argue with that," Malcolm admitted while the rest of the crew just stared in stunned disbelief.

"Jayne?" Simon asked dumbly.

"There are people who spend half their lives meditating just to try to reach the state of Zen and self acceptance you've got going," Xander told Jayne.

"Jayne?" Simon repeated.

"You ever lay awake at night thinking about things you could have done differently?" Xander asked Jayne.

"No, why'd I'd do a damn fool thing like that?" he replied, confused.

Xander turned to the crew and grinned.

"What, never?" Kaylee asked, wide eyed.

"Had gas keep me up once or twice," Jayne replied with a shrug, "made me rethink what I ate a little."

"Now, I know for a fact you've done things you weren't proud of," Malcolm said.

"Yeah, ain't nobody who lives in the verse ain't done some deeds they don't wish they hadn't," Jayne replied, "but it ain't worth losing sleep over." Seeing the confusion in their eyes he explained, "You either eat a bullet over it or try and make sure you don't get put in that situation again."

"That's harsh," Kaylee said.

"Universe ain't kind," Jayne said with a shrug, "but what are you going to do about it, sit up at night stressin' about not being some kind of saint?" At the looks on everyone's faces Jayne burst out laughing. "Oh Tai-kong suo-yo duh shing-chiou sai-jin wuh duh pee-go you do!"

"I think that's enough Jayne for now," Malcolm said. "Don't you have some guns that need cleaning?"

Jayne continued laughing as he walked down the hall.

"Well, that was… fun," Simon said sarcastically.

"It was certainly funny," Xander replied with a grin.

"There's something wrong with him," Kaylee said.

"Or with the rest of us," Xander replied.

"Do you ever lie awake at night worrying about things?" Kaylee asked.

"All the time," Xander said, "that's why I envy Jayne."

"Let's talk about something that doesn't make me doubt the existence of god," Simon suggested.

"How'd you come up with the idea of makin' cyborgs?" Kaylee asked.

"Ever see a really bored teenager being forced to do a job that they hate where all they have to do is repeat half a dozen lines or refer people to someone else and thought you could train a parrot to replace them?" Xander asked with a grin, making it up as he went along.

Malcolm chuckled. "Yeah, and it'd probably be a lot less likely to bite them."

"Once you've got a machine that can handle that you start thinking, 'if it looked like me I could use it to replace me while I do something that isn't this boring'. Naturally that leads to making cyborgs," Xander replied.

"Menial jobs like security where you just walk around circling a place," Kaylee said with a grin.

"Which lead to you making cyborg bodyguards," Zoe added.

"But why'd you make one that looks like River?" Kaylee asked. "She doesn't look like she'd scare off anyone."

"So she wouldn't be pegged as a bodyguard," Malcolm realized. "People'd ignore her as harmless."

"If someone was to go to your home, would they find a cyborg pretending to be you?" Kaylee asked.

Xander laughed. "No, I haven't made any cyborg duplicates of myself, that way lies comedy hi-jinks and people finding out I make cyborgs, not train bodyguards."

"Especially if they can't pull off acting like you," Zoe said with a trace of amusement in her eyes. "I can just picture the girl you're seeing complaining that you were a much better listener last night, when she accidentally took the cyborg out instead of you without knowing any better."

"Handy to fake my own death, lousy to live my life," Xander replied with a grin.

"But useful for household chores," Simon guessed.

"Except cooking," he agreed. "Cooking takes a fair amount of improvisation if you want anything but the basics," Xander tilted his head. "We should work on the right rear stabilizer, it's about to give up the ghost."

"I thought my patch job would hold it," Kaylee said with a frown as she got up. "Glad I managed to pick up a spare, though it is used. Hard to find parts for a Firefly that aren't these days."

Xander nodded. "It has a hairline crack in it, but it's an easy fix."

"That is one powerful talent," Malcolm said. "Can you read buildings like that?"

Xander shook his head. "Not like I can ships, buildings just don't have the same soul."

"I know," Kaylee agreed, waving for him to follow her, which he quickly did, Simon hopping to his feet as well not wanting to leave a stranger alone with his girl. "Some places seem to have a spark, but they don't rightly compare to a girl like the Serenity."

"A building is part of a town and that's a whole lot of information to read at once," Xander said thoughtfully, "while Serenity is complete in herself."

"So the reason you can't read a building is because you'd be trying to read an entire town and the human mind can't process that much information?" Simon asked as they entered the engine room and Kaylee went into the storage room to get the part she needed.

"That sounds about right," Xander agreed. "I can get the highlights of an area, but it's mostly general knowledge that everyone knows. I'll probably get better at picking out the things I want to know, but it'll still take practice."

"That is one powerful gift," Simon said, "I'm surprised the Alliance hasn't swept you up and put you in a lab."

"They'd need to surprise me for that," Xander said with a grin, making a mental note to avoid whatever the Alliance was as the more he heard of them the less he liked them.

"Being able to tell if a part is functional or not would allow you to advance much more quickly than your average scientist," Simon said thoughtfully. "Which is why you are ahead of most scientists. They have to worry about getting bad parts and if everything is set up correctly while you just know."

"It is awesome being me," Xander told him cheerfully as he considered what Simon had said and realized it would give him a huge leg up if he ever decided to become a scientist, as unlikely as that was.

"Got it," Kaylee announced as she returned with a square grey box the size of a toaster. "I looked it over when I bought it and didn't see a crack, but then I didn't exactly have the tools to check it with me and the thruster regulation boards on it alone was worth what I paid for it."

Xander opened the box and pulled out what looked like a large glossy black cheerio the size of a cantaloupe, attached in the center of a circuit board. "If you get a flashlight and a magnifying glass, I'll show you where the crack is."

Kaylee patted herself down before pulling out a six inch square metal rectangle with a focusing lens taking up three quarters of the center of it. She tapped the corners and light was projected from one side from no discernible source. "Just because we're out on the rim don't mean I can't get my hands on a spectral analyzer," she chided him.

"Point taken," Xander said, scanning the device as she handed it to him and finding it remarkably intuitive. He moved it to an inch above a section of the torus and tapped two of the corners, causing the vein to jump forward to the surface. "See the crack?"

"All the way through it," she agreed with a sigh.

"And you say you can fix it?" Simon asked curiously. Mechanical engineering was never his field, but it looked like that would have to be replaced unless you could actually glue it in place.

"Oh yeah," Xander agreed, tapping the corner of the spectral what'sit to move it even closer. Concentrating on the hairline crack he felt for his chakra, hoping to use it in place of Mana since the actual damage was so minuscule. He narrowed his focus, thinking of using his abilities to repair the artifact, but pouring chakra into the spell instead of Mana, as this wasn't a game and he wasn't bound by the game's rules. He winced as he felt something similar to Mana burn, but he could feel the spell take effect as he watched the material flow together, erasing the crack from existence.

"That's impossible!" Simon exclaimed.

"I saw it, that means it's possible," Kaylee said numbly.

"Your nose is bleeding and you look a bit pale," Simon said, snapping out of his shock as he saw Xander's condition. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, it just takes a bit out of me," Xander said, pleased it had worked even if he'd apparently used life points in place of Mana. It looked like he'd need a lot more practice before he could use chakra this way without harming himself, if it was at all possible.

"That was telekinesis," Simon realized, "on a micro-scale, but still more impressive than any scientifically recorded case so far!"

"What, really?" Kaylee asked.

"Give me a day or two before asking me to do something like that again," Xander said, pleased they were inventing their own explanation so he didn't have to make up anything, "but it's as good as new."

"I'll install it, but you should lie down," the red haired mechanic said, a little concerned with the trickle of blood on his upper lip.

"Yes, let's get you to the infirmary," Simon said, "I want to make sure you're fine and I'd like to talk about my sister if that's alright?"

"I could use a bit of a lie down," Xander agreed, knowing he was fine but taking the chance to underplay his abilities and finding it funny that he was at the exact point where he'd have to be stronger and more skilled to appear weaker than he was.

"Follow me," Simon said as they left Kaylee to her work.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

River cautiously approached the infirmary. Even though she knew Xander hadn't been cutting girls up and instead had just been making robots that looked like people, she still thought of him as a mad scientist like the ones who had scrambled her brain because they couldn't think of anything better to do.

"-do my best, but even if you can fix the damage, she's not going to go back to who she was," Xander said.

"Can't unscramble an egg," River agreed as she slid in the door.

"I'd settle for making it so you don't have to listen to everyone's thoughts and can focus on the here and now," Simon told her, well aware of what Xander was saying and just desperately wanting to help his sister live a better life, no matter what the cost.

River blushed at the flood of love and care she felt from her older brother. "Him and Kaylee have made love on every flat surface in here," River offered, wanting them to feel as awkward as she did.

"Did you shut off gravity so you could get the walls and ceiling as well?" Xander asked curiously.

"We're not here for that," Simon said, red faced.

"Kaylee has also brought up that idea," River said, "but he's never done nothing in zero gee and is concerned about how awkward it'd be."

"River," he groaned in exasperation. "Please stop trying to distract us, we have a real chance of learning something important here."

"Let me see your hand," Xander said, holding out his own from where he sat on the bed.

River cautiously extended a hand, trembling as if afraid he'd bite it, but as their fingers touched her eyes widened and information flooded her brain, causing her to jump back and clasp her hand to her chest. "At least buy a girl dinner first!"

"River," Simon said gently, preparing to try and calm her down so Xander could read her.

"Don't River me," she said, "he's been deeper in me than my own fingers!"

"I got a full read," Xander assured the doctor with a frown.

"Just from that?" Simon asked, surprised and trying not to think about what River had just said.

"Just from that," River repeated sarcastically, "and now he's thinking about how to destroy the bits of the Alliance that did this to me."

"Are you saying they shouldn't die in a fire?" Xander asked her in disbelief.

"No, I think that is an appropriate response," Simon assured him, "but I'd like to concentrate on River for the moment."

"He's thinking he needs to cover my forehead in his own blood to get the best connection possible," River said with a confused frown. "It's not 'if' he can fix what they did but how he goes about it, because he doesn't want people to know how powerful he really is."

"Okay," Xander said, "I'm going to heal you now so you'll stay out of my head." He licked his thumb and pressed it to her forehead giving her regeneration and tripping it in the same instant.

River moaned and arched her back, her frame swelling as her waif like figure became lush and healthy as was physically possible.

Simon stared in disbelief as his nearly anorexic sister blossomed into womanhood disturbingly fast while displaying extreme signs of sexual arousal.

Xander did the smart thing and fled.

"River, are you alright?" Simon asked cautiously.

"I'm better than alright," River said with a wide smile, "I feel wonderful and my mind isn't being drowned in everyone's thoughts!"

"It worked?" Simon asked in awe.

"Oh yeah," River agreed with a lascivious grin. "Now, if you'll excuse me, 'I got an itch that needs scratchin'."

Simon was so surprised to hear River repeating one of Kaylee's subtle come-ons coming from his little sister that she escaped before he could stop her.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Simon finally found the pair, with nearly the whole of the crew, down in the cargo bay.

"Stop running so I can show my appreciation!" River ordered as she tried to foot-sweep Xander and pin him down.

Xander back-flipped onto a shipping crate. "You can show it later when your hormones have settled down and you're thinking clearly."

"That doesn't sound nearly as fun," River complained as she grabbed for his ankle and he cartwheeled onto a higher crate making her leap up and chase him.

"I can do this all day," Xander told her.

"Good, otherwise this would be a waste of time," River fired back as the pair proceed to perform a series of acrobatic maneuvers that made Kaylee consult an instrument in her pocket to make sure the gravity was at a full gee.

"River is looking… healthy," Malcolm noted.

"Also sounding a whole less crazy," Jayne said cheerfully. "Don't let him escape!" he called out to encourage her, "I've got two creds on you catching him!"

"Xander appeared to know of a way to heal her, though with an obvious side effect," Simon offered.

"That doesn't seem possible," Malcolm admitted. "Growth like that takes time and a whole mess of food."

"I quite agree but I saw it happen," Simon said.

"He seems bound and determined not to get laid," Jayne said shaking his head. "Think he's sly?" He wiggled his hand.

"No, I think he just doesn't want to have sex with a girl who's drunk or something similar," Zoe said.

"But that's why we get drunk," Jayne said confused. "The point of drinking with women is so they act natural and go at it. We buy them drinks, they get drunk, we have sex. It's not all that complicated."

"Getting someone drunk to take advantage of them ain't right," Malcolm said firmly.

"Beer's been around about as long as fire," Jayne said, "everybody knows what it does and why we're drinking it. If you aren't there to get laid you don't drink that much and if you all think having sex is doing something bad to someone than I gotta ask what exactly you all do in bed."

"While this philosophical detour is interesting, I'd like to point out my sister is not drunk and had no idea this would be a side effect of getting healed," Simon explained.

"That's a good point," Jayne said. "Hey Xander, moon brain ain't in her right mind, so don't go plowing her until she is or she'll kill you with her mind later!"

"Got it!" Xander agreed as he ran up the bulkhead and back-flipped over River who had thought she had cornered him.

"That was… nice of you," Simon said after a pause to figure out what to say.

"It was honest at least," Zoe decided.

"I should kidnap people more often," Jayne decided, making the captain groan and bury his face in his hands.

"I must have done something powerful bad in a past life," Malcolm said, "that's the only way any of this makes sense."

"That would explain why you're going through it, but what about the rest of us?" Kaylee asked.

"We were probably in on whatever he did," Zoe replied dryly.

Typing By: Abyssal Angel