Ever since hearing America's song on the radio, I haven't been able to turn it off, desperate for another chance to hear her beautiful song. I'd heard it many times now, each time convincing myself a little more that the song was about me and not some other guy. I couldn't stop myself from thinking about her possibly performing in Angeles in the upcoming months- this would be the closest I had been to her for years. I couldn't wait for all the pictures of her from her tour, more opportunities to see her beautiful face that I'd missed so much over the past two years. I kept trying to come up with ideas on how I would get to see her, I knew she'd turn down any invitation to the palace if she knew it came from me. I had to make it an invitation she couldn't turn down- but how?
Kriss entered my room, talking about something or other, I wasn't paying that much attention. As she spoke, I started to imagine she was America instead- something I had grown very used to doing. I imagined America's melodic voice talking to me instead of Kriss's almost monotonous one. I pictured how she would furrow her eyebrows ever so slightly when she was talking about something that was important to her, how her eyes would soften after she finished talking and started listening to my response. I couldn't help the smile that appeared on my face when I imagined her. I wanted so desperately for her to be here with me instead of wherever it was she had disappeared to.
Kriss left after what felt like a lifetime. I got the sense that she wanted to stay here for the night, but I couldn't bear to have her here, especially when all I could think of was America. I sat down on the sofa at the side of my room and took out the pictures I'd taken during the selection. I had to keep them hidden from Kriss or she'd never shut up about them- she hated that most of them were of America and had demanded I'd burn them when she'd first discovered them.
I smiled fondly upon seeing America's sweet face, my thumb caressing it softly as if she were here. She looked so happy in all the photographs I'd taken of her, I couldn't stop myself from picturing how heartbroken she looked on the day I sent her away forever. The expression on her face will be burned into my memory for the rest of time. I hate myself for making her feel that way, and I hate that the last time I got to see her was when she was miserable and not when she was smiling that gorgeous smile of hers. I tried to shake the memory of her, attempting to replace it with happier ones. When that failed, I stood up and got ready for bed, knowing that I would be plagued with the picture of America almost crying for the rest of the night.
My dreams were full of America, my mind playing tricks on me trying to make me think she was the one I had married instead of Kriss. I saw the beautiful children she and I would have had and how happy we would have been together. I cursed at my alarm when it went off in the morning- all I wanted was to live in my dreamland where America and I were still together.
As I prepared for the day I listened to the radio- something that has now become part of my morning routine. A few of the usual boring songs played before I heard her voice again. It was a new song. I stopped what I was doing and turned the radio up a little louder to properly listen to her song. The presenter said it was called 'One Last Time', and it was amazing. It showcased her voice perfectly- she was so talented.
I listened more intently to the lyrics and my stomach flipped. These lyrics were definitely about me and her.
I was a liar
I gave in to the fire
I know I should've fought it
At least I'm being honest
Feel like a failure
'Cause I know that I failed you
I should've done you better
'Cause you don't want a liar
And I know, and I know, and I know
She gives you everything
But, boy, I couldn't give it to you
And I know, and I know, and I know
That you got everything
But I got nothing here without you
So one last time
I need to be the one who takes you home
One more time
I promise, after that, I'll let you go
Baby, I don't care if you got her in your heart
All I really care is you wake up in my arms
One last time
I need to be the one who takes you home
I don't deserve it
I know I don't deserve it
But stay with me a minute
I swear I'll make it worth it
Can't you forgive me?
At least just temporarily
I know that this is my fault
I should've been more careful
And I know, and I know, and I know
She gives you everything
But, boy, I couldn't give it to you
And I know, and I know, and I know
That you got everything
But I got nothing here without you, baby
So one last time
I need to be the one who takes you home
One more time
I promise, after that I'll let you go
Baby, I don't care if you got her in your heart
All I really care is you wake up in my arms
One last time
I need to be the one who takes you home (la li he)
I know I should've fought it
At least I'm being honest (yeah)
But stay with me a minute
I swear I'll make it worth it, babe
'Cause I don't wanna be without you
(Oh)
So one last time
I need to be the one who takes you home (who takes you home, babe)
One more time
I promise, after that I'll let you go
Baby, I don't care if you got her in your heart
All I really care is you wake up in my arms (wake up in my arms)
One last time
I need to be the one who takes you home (yeah)
One last time
I need to be the one who takes you home
After listening to the whole song I was more determined than ever to bring her to the palace- I had to see her at least one more time. I knew that she would never agree to come, so I had to make it an offer her record label would make her take. It had to have a lot of publicity- maybe she could perform live on the report? No, something grander than that. She hated the report during the selection.
Then it hit me, we'd have a reunion of everyone from the selection, to celebrate their successes. It would all be broadcasted, America would perform, the other girls would do whatever, but at least I could see my America. The plan started formulating in my head, it would be perfect! The first thing to do would be to speak to mother, she always had a soft spot for America and I knew she could get this approved by father. It had to look like it didn't come from me, both so Kriss wouldn't be hurt and so America would actually come. I finished getting ready at lightning speed and ran off to find my mother, more excited than I had been for anything in months.
That's all for today folks! Credit to Ariana Grande for her amazing song- which I obviously didn't write, and to Kiera Cass for her amazing story which inspired me to write this.
I've been wanting to write for ages so I'm so glad I finally had the time to write this chapter. I can't wait for Maxon and America to reunite! Hopefully it'll be soon- I haven't fully decided when it'll be just yet.
Hope you enjoyed this chapter, love to all of you,
girlinabar xxxx
