The reunion was getting closer- only a few days away. I was nervous, I am going to see my America again for the first time since I sent her away! I wondered how she would react to seeing me, I hoped she would talk to me like she used to and I would get the chance to tell her how much I regret sending her away. Just the thought of seeing America in person again gave me chills- I could barely contain my nervous excitement.
I rooted around in the back of my closet until I found the little shoebox I was looking for. I opened it and searched for what I was trying to find. A picture of America from the selection. Over the last few days I have been unable to get the image of her face out of my mind- but seeing this picture of her smiling so brightly like she doesn't have a worry in the world is so much better than the image I had in my head. This one isn't tainted with sadness in her eyes as she's being forced to leave the palace under my command. This one is the way I want to remember America. Whilst looking at this picture of America one of the songs from her new album came to mind and I started singing it to myself.
Loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes
But it's the only thing that I know
When it gets hard, you know it can get hard sometimes
It is the only thing makes us feel alive
We keep this love in a photograph
We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Hearts are never broken
And time's forever frozen still
So you can keep me
Inside the pocket of your ripped jeans
Holding me closer 'til our eyes meet
You won't ever be alone, wait for me to come home
Loving can heal, loving can mend your soul
And it's the only thing that I know, know
I swear it will get easier
Remember that with every piece of you
Hm, and it's the only thing we take with us when we die
Hm, we keep this love in this photograph
We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Hearts were never broken
And time's forever frozen still
So you can keep me
Inside the pocket of your ripped jeans
Holding me closer 'til our eyes meet
You won't ever be alone
And if you hurt me
That's okay baby, only words bleed
Inside these pages you just hold me
And I won't ever let you go
Wait for me to come home
Wait for me to come home
Wait for me to come home
Wait for me to come home
Oh, you can fit me
Inside the necklace you got when you were sixteen
Next to your heartbeat where I should be
Keep it deep within your soul
And if you hurt me
Well, that's okay baby, only words bleed
Inside these pages you just hold me
And I won't ever let you go
When I'm away, I will remember how you kissed me
Under the lamppost back on Sixth street
Hearing you whisper through the phone
"Wait for me to come home"
As the song played over in my head I couldn't help but imagine America doing the same as me- looking at a picture of me that she had buried in her things and smiling with a fondness. I held the picture of her close to my chest, as she says in the song, and imagine she's in my arms in that moment. It makes me sad that all I can do is imagine having her in my arms without ever actually having her there again.
My heart flutters at the thought of seeing her again in the coming days, some of the girls were coming early to have a proper catch up. We hadn't heard back if America was going to come early, but we started to make preparations for her regardless. I couldn't get the last lyric from her song out of my head "wait for me to come home"- in my mind she was coming home back to the palace for the reunion. I hoped she saw it that way too, but I knew she wouldn't. I made sure she wouldn't think of this place as her home any more, I pushed her out. But, should she choose to come back to me, this will definitely be her home once more. A wave of sadness comes over me as I realise that will probably never happen. It didn't even matter to him that he was married to Kriss, that obstacle wouldn't matter to him if America came back; the issue was that she would be too stubborn to come back to me. I know her too well to assume that she'll come leaping into my arms the moment she sees me, no matter how much I'd like her to.
I stare at the picture of America for a little longer before sighing and putting the picture back into the box. The thought of seeing America in a few days is what will get me through everything else.
Hey guys! Thanks for reading! I know it's a short chapter, but I've been working on it for a few months now and kind of just wanted to get it done- I'm just too excited for the reuinion!
The song was Photograph by Ed Sheeran- obviously all credit goes to him and the other writers of the song.
Hope you enjoyed and are as excited for the next episode as I am!
Love you,
girlinabar xxxxx
