A few months had passed since I'd seen Maxon. His words to me were still spinning around my mind. They had given me some hope that there might be some sort of chance between us. I knew it was a silly thought and that he was still married to Kriss, and that Clarkson would not allow him to divorce her to marry me. But it meant something to me that he still cared as much as I did, although I had stopped allowing myself to admit it. He still loves me and he regrets that he reacted out of anger. I try not to let myself think about it because I know nothing can happen between us. To distract myself, I have been focusing on writing more music and I've been doing performances and charity work around the country.
I received an invitation from Nicoletta to go to Italy to perform at a banquet they were hosting. I thought it was an incredible opportunity for me to have a distraction so big I wouldn't think of Maxon once whilst being there. Of course I had gone to see Nicoletta many times since the selection ended, she helped me get out of my depression after losing Maxon, and for that I was forever grateful. Nevertheless, it was always nice to visit my Italian friend and see her beautiful country.
The flight to Italy was peaceful, I read a little and slept a lot, so I arrived in Italy well rested and ready to see one of my best friends. She greeted me at the airport with a squeal and a big hug and ushered me into her private car so we could make our way to the palace. I looked out the window as the dazzling city turned to beautiful countryside until we finally reached the palace.
We were greeted by staff and I was shown to my room, which has become the designated room I always stay in when I visit Nicoletta. It is spacious, with a big bed, and a balcony overlooking the gardens. It reminded me of my room in the selection, only I knew that in this room I would never have to worry about any of the drama that accompanied the selection.
A couple of days went past, Nicoletta and I had caught each other up on our lives, though I didn't tell her what Maxon had told me at the ball, and we talked and gossiped late into the night. We had gone horse riding, and swimming, and any and all activities you could think of. In between that we had fittings for our dresses for the banquet, and I could tell we were both going to look spectacular.
The day of the banquet arrived and Nicoletta and I were getting ready. As our makeup was being done she turned to me with a worried look on her face and told me that Maxon was coming to the banquet, and that she would have told me sooner, only he turned up without responding to the RSVP. The thought of seeing Maxon again made my stomach turn, but I simply smiled and nodded, telling her that I would be okay, and I came here to sing and I will do just that.
My stomach was in knots as I walked towards the banquet hall, I couldn't believe Maxon was going to be there. This trip was meant to take my mind off of him and now he's all I can think about. Why after all this time does he still have this hold on me? He missed his chance and now it's too late. At least I look cute, my dress was a vibrant purple with flecks of silver in it that made it look like I was sparkling. It had spaghetti strap sleeves and a plunging neckline. I had smokey purple eyeshadow and a face full of makeup that highlighted all of my natural features. Nicoletta gave me diamond earrings and a diamond bracelet to match my dress. I felt one of the most beautiful I had ever felt in my life, which was a good thing because I also felt one of the most nervous I had in my life.
I opened the door to the banquet hall and suddenly all eyes were on me. I was having my own Cinderella moment. My eyes immediately met Maxon's, which had a weird look in them. I told myself not to think about it and to avert my gaze. Luckily for me, Nicoletta came to my rescue, took my arm, and whisked me away to meet people.
It wasn't long before it was time for me to sing. I kept making eye contact with Maxon all night, which certainly wasn't helping calm my nerves. My hands shook as I approached the stage, knowing I was about to pour my heart out in front of Maxon. I wasn't ready for him to hear this song, but Nicoletta insisted I sing it and I couldn't let her down. After Maxon professed his feelings for me the last time I saw him, I had to write this song to express how I felt after I was kicked out of the Selection.
My shaky hands gripped the microphone, I took a deep breath, and started to sing one of my most personal songs.
My hands are cold
My body's numb
I'm still in shock
What have you done
My head is pounding
My vision's blurred
Your mouth is moving
I don't hear a word
And it hurts so bad
That I search my skin
For the entry point
When love went in
And ricocheted
And bounced around
And left a hole when you walked out yeah
I'm falling through the doors of the emergency room
Can anybody help me with these exit wounds
I don't know how much more love, this heart can lose
And I'm dying, dying from these exit wounds
Wounds, when they're leaving, the scars you're keeping
Exit wounds, when they're leaving, the scars you're keeping
Marks a battle
Still feel raw
A million pieces of me
On the floor
I'm damaged goods
For all to see
Now who would ever want to be with me
I've got all the baggage
Drink the pills
Yeah this is living but without the will
I'm blacking out
I'm shutting down
You've left a hole
When you walked out yeah
I'm falling through the doors of the emergency room
Can anybody help me with these exit wounds
I don't know how much more love this, heart can lose
And I'm dying, dying from these exit wounds
Wounds, when they're leaving, the scars you're keeping
Exit wounds
When they're leaving, the scars you're keeping yeah
Lose your clothes and show your scars
That's who you are
Lose your clothes and show your scars
That's who you are
Lose your clothes and show your scars
That's who you are
Lose your clothes and show your scars
Marks a battle
Still feel raw
A million pieces of me
On the floor
I'm falling through the doors of the emergency room
Can anybody help me with these exit wounds
I don't know how much more love this, heart can lose
And I'm dying, dying from these exit wounds
Wounds, when they're leaving, the scars you're keeping
Exit wounds
When they're leaving, the scars you're keeping
I peaked up at Maxon to see what his reaction was, and immediately regretted it. He looked like he had been shot in the chest. He was frozen in place staring at me, with a drink in his hand. The pain on his face mirrored the pain I was feeling. I braced myself and started singing the next song that I had prepared for my set list, suddenly regretting getting so personal in all of the songs I had written.
Okay so that's it for now. Song is Exit Wounds by The Script.
Hope you enjoyed this chapter!
This is the dress America is wearing: . /bHAwDyP66XmUuPoV9
Lots of love, girlinabar xxx
