*~{3}~*

Chapter 8:

Reevaluations & Reality Checks

{*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^} *-Izzy-*-Izzy-*-Izzy-*-Izzy-*-Izzy-* {*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^} Five Years Earlier:

God…T-that can't be right…

It can't be…

God PLEASE don't let that be true…

Izzy swallowed, taking a slow, shaky breath, feeling a shiver slip over her that cut clear to her bones. She sniffled, shaking her head, squeezing her eyes closed, rubbing agitatedly at her face. Her breath catches as the moment her eyes close the bright, dancing glimmers surge back into focus.

Oh…oh god…

God…t-there's so many of them…SO many.

B-but they're not what she said. They may be beings she's taken out but they're not innocents. She has never taken an innocent life. She would never do that.

Clary's wrong.

She is…

She has to be…

The scene behind her eyelids looks like a summer night out in the country, sky dotted with stars and scenery dancing with fireflies. It's oddly beautiful but the sight fills her with so much pain and anguish and dread.

"-zzy"

S-she has to be wrong…she's lying o-or or over simplifying or something….anything. There has to be more to this than what Clary said- There has to.

"Isabelle…"

There are dozens of the glimmering lights-dozens upon dozens, hundreds…it feels like thousands. There's SO many- god there's so many.

Oh god wh-

"Belladonna!"

Izzy starts at the loud voice and a sharp shake. She gasps for air, feeling her heart race and her head spin, anxiously looking around. Her eyes land on Clary right next to her, pretty spring green eyes wide and worried. Izzy swallows, blinking, head shaking.

"I-n-no…no they're n-y-you have to be wrong. They weren't …I've not…. They're not-"

Clary sighed, nodding softly.

"They are."

Izzy frantically shook her head.

"No they can't be. There's no way. Not all of them. I-I-I mean I know I've fought. I've taken lives- I've fought and I've fought and I've fought. B-but I've never went out killing just for the hell of it. I'm not like that- I know there are Angelus like that. Those who see hunting down dangerous supernaturals as some exciting challenge or a sport or a hobby, just another fun way to kill a Saturday night but that's not me. That's never been me. I don't go out hunting just because. I do it because I have to; because they're a danger. Because they're attacking or a legitimate, immediate threat to those around them. I don't kill just to kill."

Clary nodded.

"I know you don't. We all do. You don't hunt for fun or power or excitement. You don't cut us down indiscriminately. If you were that kind you'd of never survived this long. You don't knowingly attack innocents or the weak. You only attack those you legitimately perceive as a threat."

Izzy sniffled, nodding erratically, pointing.

"Exactly! I attack threats. Legitimate, eminent threats. Usually threats way larger and more formidable than me. I don't punch down. I don't go for easy targets. I don't go for soft targets. I don't attack the weak or helpless or frail. I don't attack innocents. I don't kill innocents. I don't…I wouldn't. I would never…"

Clary took a deep breath, nodding.

"You wouldn't knowingly."

Izzy again shook her head, dark eyes wide and fearful, swallowing, again shaking her head.

"No, I don't. I don't. You keep saying that but what you're saying? I-it can't be right. The opponents I've taken out haven't been harmless innocents minding their own business who were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. They weren't just misjudgments. They've been aggressive, threatening, dangerous. They've been actively attacking humans or viciously menacing humans. Targeting me, targeting humans, targeting Angelus, - targeting innocents. They haven't been innocents- they've been threats to innocents."

Clary sighed, shrugging faintly.

"Some of them were. Likely most of them were. But it's not always as cut and dry as you guys make it out to be. I know from your perspective it seems like that but our world is very complicated and muddled and it's not always easy to tell-"

Izzy started, setting forward, shaking her head, eyes wide and fearful.

"No-Clary- y-you don't understand. There's so many of them- god there's so many.

I-I couldn't have…I wouldn't. I-if it was just a few I mean…okay, mistakes happen. Adrenaline surges, you're going on instinct and autopilot, judgment gets wonky, you lose focus or you read a situation wrong, not realize everything in play something…b-but…but Clary? That many? That…I can't have…I couldn't have… I-t-they can't be what you say. They can't. You have to be wrong.

Please tell me they're not just what you're saying. Please?" she finished in a soft, near brokenly desperate plea.

Clary swallowed, giving a slight, apologetic shrug.

"I'm sorry Belladonna- I can't. I really can't.

A Nevinimi only forms when a truly good, bright, innocent soul is taken. Dark, murky vile souls don't leave a mark. True monsters don't leave a mark. Those that intentionally cause pain and fear and suffering don't leave a mark. Only the good, pure, bright souls do.

The Nevinimi is the light and the strength and the heart they had; the bright aura that they exuded in life. That's what you see; the brightness, hope, strength and light that was extinguished with their death. The Nevinimi is the goodness that person brought into the world. The more goodness, strength and heart a being brings into the world the brighter the Nevinimi they leave behind will be. Newer ones tend to burn brightest at first. They usually fade to their normal strength after about a month or so but there's some that never really fade. That burn just as brightly a decade later as they did the day they were formed.

I'm really sorry Izzy. I know how hard this is. How overwhelming. When it first starts it's devastating, crushing, makes you feel like there's no way you can carry this kind of burden. Taking them all in for the first time all at once is painful and hard and both emotionally and physically draining but eventually near everyone can come to terms with it."

"I-I really don't think I can." Izzy whispered, swallowing, feeling a wave a sickness and sadness ripple over her, a heaviness forming in her stomach, pulling her back to that sad, cold, terrifying pit she felt herself slipping into earlier.

She shivers, yet again shaking her head, setting back, pulling her legs up in front of her, wrapping her arms around, pulling them closer. She took a shallow, stuttery, shaky breath, dropping her head down, resting it on her knees, eyes fluttering closed. The flickering lights are their of course, right behind her eyelids. They dance and sway and flit and sparkle.

God there's so many…so many bright, beautiful blazing shimmers. They glitter like starlight and flit, dance and twirl like fairie lights from a children's story. Every time she closes her eyes they seem to multiply, she catches more. Some darker, barely visible others blazing like fire.

Every one of those was a point of light she extinguished. An innocent lost to her hands. Hope and strength and goodness that she herself removed from the world…

God…

The lights flicker closer, the burning cold drifting towards her. This time she doesn't pull away- she knows she doesn't deserve that…she doesn't deserve a reprieve from the fear or anguish or pain…clearly giving the innumerable swarm she's never given one. She shifts into the overwhelming cold and glittering darkness. She can feel it against her skin like the beginnings of frostbite. It's numb and overly sensitive and blazing hot and bitingly cold all at the same time. It's deep and dark and all-consuming, enveloping her, pulling her down into the cold, dark depths.

From somewhere in her head she distantly registers a soft gasp, hears shuffling, a warm, sweet, inviting springtime like warmth running along her side, chasing away the cold and the fear. Izzy begins to turn away from the warmth, pushing further into the cold. Clary gives a soft sigh, reaching over, slipping her arm around Izzy's shoulders, tugging her back towards her, squeezing gently. Izzy shivered, the soft warmth of the embrace helping to ease the numbing, burning cold. She knows she should pull away from it. She doesn't deserve the warmth, doesn't deserve the comfort.

She knows she should pull away but she can't seem to make herself, just doesn't have the willpower. She shifts closer to Clary, nuzzling in, resting her head on her shoulder, wrapping her arms around the other woman, nestling closer. Clary sighs softly, hugging her back, leaning in, lightly brushing her lips against Izzy's forehead, reaching up, gently carding her fingers through her soft, dark curls.

"Belladonna, I'm sorry to have to tell you this. I'm so sorry. I wish I didn't have to, wish I could make it easier for you but I can't. I know it's hard- this is always by far the hardest part of the transformation and there's no way to make it easier but you didn't know. You had no idea. You weren't some callous monster out cutting down anything different just for the hell of it. You were fighting the good fight. You truly believed you were protecting humans and Angelus and everyone you love. You were fighting for your people and your friends and your siblings.

You truly thought your actions were making the world a better place. You had no way of knowing. In most cases you likely wouldn't have had a choice even if you really did know the truth. There's a lot of times when you don't.

We are in a seemingly never ending war. Near every decision comes down to instinct and a split second. Our instincts tell us above all else to protect those we love and to protect ourselves. If you come up against an opponent and it comes down to them or you of course you're going to do what you have to do to survive. It's unavoidable. All of us end up with at least a few of the unavoidable ones eventually."

Izzy sniffled, glancing up.

"W-what?"

Clary sighed, giving a faint shrug.

"Izzy the majority of people on both sides of this fight are fighting for the same reasons. They're fighting to protect their families, their loved ones, their home and their way of life. They're fighting to protect innocents. They're fighting the good fight for what they genuinely believe is the right reasons.

A good, bright innocent soul doesn't necessarily mean some poor, weak, helpless victim. It means a protector, a defender of the people. It means a good, bright righteous soul that would lay down their lives in service of others. Those are always the brightest, most distinctive souls. Both sides are absolutely lousy with those.

The majority of Angelus in the thick of the fight ARE good, bright innocent souls. Those down in the trenches being tossed callously into the fray aren't generally there fighting for the thrill or in a twisted effort to play god and hold life and death in their hands. They're not fighting for clout or notoriety or material gain or for an extra bit of power or to push forward some political agenda.

They're fighting because they truly believe they have no other choice. Because they believe if they don't humanity will be destroyed. They genuinely believe everything they are doing is for the greater good. For the good of humanity, for its very survival. They're fighting to protect humanity, to keep innocents and those they love safe.

Their motives are pure- they are good, righteous, innocent souls.

An innocent being doesn't automatically mean a helpless being. An innocent being can still initiate an attack. An innocent soul can still be terrifying and intimidating- even deadly under the right circumstances. A bright, beautiful, truly innocent soul can still end up being out for your blood.

Innocent doesn't mean helpless, weak or incapable of violence. Especially in the face of an imminent threat to them or their own. If someone is perceived as a threat to them or to those they love than they're most likely gonna respond accordingly.

And Izzy? No offense but you've spent the better part of a decade building yourself into one of the most formidable threats supernaturality has ever seen. You are the best of the best, no question. To your people that is a huge accomplishment- something you are admired and celebrated for. It makes you half a step away from a folk hero. But to anyone on the other side of the fight- on THIS side, OUR side? It makes you the stuff of nightmares.

You said there were dozens, hundreds even and…I-I wish I could say I was surprised but I'd honestly be shocked if there weren't."

Izzy sniffled, pulling back, looking up, looking hurt and defeated, beginning to shift away. Clary shook her head, catching her hand, tugging her back close to her side, interlacing their fingers, squeezing tightly.

"Belladonna no…I don't mean it like that. I mean with as much fear and mythos and just sheer craziness that has went into your reputation over the years it'd be a miracle if you didn't have a near absurd amount of them. There are many who would be reluctant to take on the burden of extinguishing the light you bring into the world but I'm sure there are plenty of others who would see taking on that burden as a necessary personal sacrifice they are willing to make for the greater good. To protect their people from one of the most feared threats supernaturality has had in centuries.

I know it doesn't lessen the burden of the Nevinimi but odds are the majority of them were a legitimate threat to you in that moment. If someone is targeting you you cannot be blamed for defending yourself. If someone starts a fight with you you can't be blamed for finishing it. I know it's hard and I know it doesn't make it any easier but as I said in the world we live in taking on some Nevinimi is near inevitable.

The more impressive your reputation gets the more you are going to be perceived as a threat and the more beings are going to see you as an imminent threat to them and those they love. Like I said from our perspective you're terrifying- your reputation is the stuff of our nightmares. Hell, pretty sure your rep nearly gives Raph's a run for the money- and that is SAYING something. "

Izzy gave a soft breath of a not quite laugh, relaxing just the slightest bit. She settled closer to Clary, idly playing with her fingers, head tilting curiously, gaze flickering over the other girls pretty features.

"Raph? Who's that? I don't know if that's a compliment or an insult."

"Raphael Santiago."

Izzy started, setting up in alarm.

"Raphael S-wait. Like THE Raphael Santiago? The demon king Raphael Santiago?"

"Uh huh…"

Izzy huffed out a faint laugh, head tilting concedingly.

"Okay insult it is."

Clary chuckled, shaking her head, nudging her shoulder lightly, flashing a soft pretty smile.

"Hardly. He's one of the best people I know."

Izzy blinked.

"D-do you not know a lot of people?"

Clary laughed, the sound reminding Izzy of windchimes and springtime. She rolls her eyes playfully, shaking her head, placatingly holding her free hand up, flashing a distractingly adorable dimpled grin that makes Izzy's stomach do a little flip and her heartbeat pick up a few tics.

"No I do…but he is. He has a hell of a rep and it's hardly without merit- like you he has earned every last bit of it- but at his heart he really is a wonderful person. He just tends to hide that from all but those closest to him. Doesn't really fit with the whole 'Demon King' persona after all but he really is. He just hides it behind a wall of gleeful intimidation, drama queen theatrics, sarcasm and snark- oh my stars SO much snark." She trailed off with a pretty, light laugh and an affectionate eye roll.

Izzy shook her head, setting up faintly.

"I-so…wait…you…you like KNOW him, know him?"

Clary nodded, shrugging, flashing a faint smile, reaching up, absently tucking a few wayward flame red curls behind her ear.

"Yeah- he's one of my best friends; more like family really. Well…not like. He is my family. Has been for centuries. Him and Mags took me in when I was a teenager."

Izzy blinked.

"Y-your family is the Demon King?"

She gave a somewhat unconcerned little shrug, again nodding. Izzy huffed in faint disbelief, shaking her head, settling closer.

"And Mags? Who's that?"

Clary glanced around, shifting a bit closer, smirking.

"Someone who makes Raph's abilities look cute in comparison."

Izzy blinked, shifting back faintly, swallowing.

"Wow…and I thought I'd have it rough bringing someone home to meet my parents."

Clary snickered, nodding in amusement before giving another little shrug and a dismissive little wave.

"Hey if they can't handle my family they can't handle me."

Izzy gave a soft laugh, head tilting concedingly.

"Fair enough…though I don't know if I'd hold it against a girl if she couldn't handle meeting my parents. Hell if I did take a girl home to meet them they'd probably just feign obliviousness and try to fix her up with my brother."

Clary snorted, nodding emphatically.

"Oh yeah Maris and Robert- oh man, can't even imagine. Those two are real-err...umm…sorry…"she trailed off blushing.

Izzy chuckled lightly, nudging her shoulder, shaking her head, waving her off with a faint smile.

"Hey whatever it was you were gonna say odds are I've said way worse about them. I mean don't get me wrong they're my parents and I love them and I especially love all my siblings they've given me but, uh…yeah they really are a lot to deal with…" she trailed off, smile slipping faintly kind of slumping, giving a slight shrug.

"Though…guess I won't really have to anymore."

Clary sighed, shifting closer, slipping her arm around Izzy, hugging her closer, squeezing her shoulder reassuringly.

"Hey look…I know how this feels. How overwhelming and impossible and terrible it is at first. How utterly alone you feel starting out in this world but it does eventually get better. It does. Not all at once and maybe not for a long time and it might not ever really totally stop hurting but a lot of us end up with a wonderful family of choice to help fill the void left by the absence of our biological one.

You'll find people who care about you. Who love you and accept you for exactly who you are and who will give you the strength and support and love you deserve.

Because you do deserve that Belladonna. You do."

Izzy swallowed, the earlier conversation coming back, the flickers at the edges of her vision flitting momentarily into focus. She sighed, shrugging, giving a hopeless little half wave.

"Maybe I don't."

Clary's breath caught, she shook her head, reaching over, once more catching Izzy's hand, squeezing.

"Belladonna of course you do."

Izzy shook her head.

"Clary there's SO many of them…so many."

Clary nodded.

"Yes and likely in ninety percent of the encounters you had no choice. Belladonna? Like I said you and your reputation are the stuff of literal nightmares for most of supernaturality. A supernatural encountering what most of us see as a living nightmare is likely going to respond. Whether that response is aggression, a warning or even simply a knee jerk fear response may depend on the supernatural but the thing of it is all three of those can easily be read as a threat, especially in a split second in a fight when adrenaline is running high.

They see you and react, you take their reaction as a threat, respond in kind and it goes from there. Remember nothing is simple cut and dry here. An innocent soul isn't automatically helpless or weak or harmless. It doesn't mean they're not a threat. I mean look at you."

Izzy blinked, turning her head, looking over at the other woman.

"W-what do you mean?"

Clary smiled softly, settling closer, those pretty spring green eyes catching Izzy's, lightly squeezing her hand.

"Belladonna you have one of the brightest, most beautiful, dazzling, utterly breathtaking souls I've ever seen.

A bright, dazzling, utterly beautiful, innocent soul."

Izzy huffed out a faint not quite laugh, head shaking faintly.

"I'm not innocent."

Clary shrugged.

"And yet you are- I can see it."

Izzy huffed.

"Then you need glasses."

Clary gave a soft laugh, shaking her head.

"Nope- perfect sight, I can see clear as daylight. And I know what I see when I look at you."

Izzy shook her head, looking over at her, brow quirking.

"How can you possibly think that? I close my eyes and-god…T-there are dozens, hundreds…god it seems like thousands-"

"And likely the majority of them were an immediate threat to you in that moment. Something may have been misread or there may have been factors in play you were unaware of or hell they may have just panicked and tried to take you out before you could take them out. Whatever the case is you didn't do it intentionally. You didn't go after them when they were weak or vulnerable.

This is a war- war is complicated. We're fighting on opposite sides but at the end of the day we're fighting for the same thing. We're fighting to keep ourselves, our loved ones, our people and our homes safe. We are fighting to keep humanity safe. Isabelle? No one doubts you truly believe you are fighting the good fight. No one even for a second questions that you honestly believe with every fiber of your being that this is what you have to do. It is what you're destined to do.

You don't fight just to fight. You fight to protect.

And please don't think that I'm saying every being you've taken out was some big mix-up. Not all of them were innocent. Not all of them were 'fighting the good fight'. I don't even know for sure if most of them were. There were some- honestly probably more than I know or ever really will know. There have been good people that you've taken down but you've also taken out some truly vile monsters plaguing this world.

That's the really frustrating thing about the Nevinimi- bad souls don't leave a mark. The true evil and monsters we take out leave nothing behind. Their darkness and hate and viciousness is just wiped away without a trace. We don't get to see the positive we do for the world, all we see is the mistakes and the regrets. We don't get to see the darkness we've taken out. And Belladonna you have taken a lot of darkness out of this world.

I know there are many that you've taken down. Hell, there were several we were actually actively rooting you on when you went up against them. Trust me Angelus aren't the only ones who get pissed off when someone goes after humans.

You have done a lot of good in your life Isabelle. You really have. You have taken a lot of darkness and evil out of this world. You've stopped threats that no one else could, beat impossible odds, thrown yourself into impossible to survive situations and came out the other side time and again. You have taken innocent lives but you have also saved innocent lives. A lot of innocent lives. You have protected innocent souls and your actions have managed to keep a lot of light and hope and heart in this world.

I'm not saying there haven't been mistakes. I'm not saying you should have no regrets but I don't want you to focus so much on those that you lose sight of all the good that you've done.

You may have had situations where you ended up taking an innocent soul but you have never gone out actively hunting them. You've never hunted someone down just because of what they were- you've only done that because of what they did. You have taken out plenty of real, evil, truly wretched monsters stalking this world.

Hell you've probably done just as much that protected supernaturals as you have that protected humans."

Izzy yet again blinked, brow quirking.

"Okay now you're just actively blowing smoke here. I appreciate the thought but-"

Clary chuckled softly, shaking her head.

"No I'm really not.

A supernatural hunting, preying on or victimizing humans is bad for everyone- especially other supernaturals. It puts a target on our backs, emboldens Angelus to be more aggressive and reckless in their patrols and confrontations- even to actively hunt down all supernaturals of that type until the one behind it is taken out.

It puts the humans on edge, makes them scared, cautious, suspicious. Makes them pay more attention, makes them more likely to register our presence. The more violent encounters humans have with supernaturals the more likely they are to begin to really believe in our existence and the more danger we are ultimately in. I-it's just bad all around.

Like I said you're not the only ones who get pissed when a monster preys on humans- any monster, but especially a supernatural monster. Even if they would technically be considered one of our own. The moment they begin to victimize humans we are done with them and quite frankly if you guys take them out you're just beating us to it."

Izzy shifted back, looking over the other woman in confusion.

"I-wha- that doesn't make sense. There are vampires and wraths and Succubi and dozens of other types of supernaturals that feed on humans. Literally feed on them. h-"

Clary tilted her head concedingly, holding up her finger.

"Yes but they don't kill them, they don't harm them in any way. Vamps and other Viativores only require a small amount of sustenance in any feeding and only need to feed maybe once a week at most. There's no danger of the human being exsanguinated like most think when they think of a vampire feeding. In fact unless the Viativore is close to starvation or has some serious type of malady consuming enough in one feeding for it to be fatal to the human would near certainly be fatal to the supernatural as well.

A feeding is not meant to be violent or to induce panic, pain or fear. It's supposed to be enjoyable for both parties. Feedings for Viativores are usually closely linked to romantic, intimate type interactions. Most feedings take place during intimate encounters. Most see them as a version of intimacy in and of themselves; as a way to from and strengthen the bond between romantic partners.

An otherwise healthy Viativore- one who isn't literally on the verge of starvation or suffering from a feral virus or other serious malady- attacking someone to feed is absolutely unconscionable. One of the worst transgressions a being can commit and most would find the very idea absolutely stomach churning, something they could never imagine themselves stooping to. It's the Viativore equivalent of a human being cannibalistic." Clary shrugged, reaching up, tucking a few wayward fire red curls behind her ear, giving a fluttering little wave.

"See the thing that Angelus don't get is we don't see humans as something other than us. We think of them as we do our own. We're not just beings that happen to take up the same space as them. We don't live around the fringes and keep ourselves out of the chaos. We're a part of human society. They're not the 'others', they're just people- same as us. They're our colleagues, friends, partners, lovers even family members. Many supernaturals started out life as humans. Our societies are not just intermingled, they're inseparable.

They're the people we see every day, the people we laugh with and cry with and build our lives around. We take the safety of humans very seriously. We don't want monsters preying on humans any more than you do. Any type of monster; human, supernatural or Angelus alike. It really does make sense- I mean the safety of humanity is a hell of a lot more important to us than it is to Angelus."

Izzy blinked, brow quirking.

"Uh-that…yeah that is kinda- uh…okay no offense but that just doesn't make sense. Angelus see themselves as the literal protectors of humanity. It's practically the very essence of our entire being. I get what you said. I get that you guys are basically part of their society and see it largely as your own but why do you think humanities safety is actually more important to your people than to us?"

Clary shifted, hesitating before glancing up, somewhat guiltily, giving a faint shrug.

"Because our safety depends on their presence."

Izzy blinked, setting up a bit more.

"Your-wait…what?"

Clary sighed.

"Isabelle- do you know why supernaturals live so closely with humanity? Why our society is so impossibly entangled with theirs?"

Izzy kind of faltered at that. She knew why they've always been told supernaturals clung so close to humanity but…well…given everything she's been struggling to process over the past few hours she didn't really think 'cause you want to have easy access to victims' would really fly here. She finally just gave a faintly confused shrug and a bit of a wave.

"I-no…not really."

Clary settled closer, giving a near apologetic shrug in return.

"It's because the more humans are around the less likely an Angelus is to attack us. Their presence is largely the only form of protection we have against you. It's the only time we ever really get to feel safe…or even remotely close to safe."

Izzy froze, swallowing.

"O-oh…" Izzy mumbled, glancing away.

Clary sighed, slipping closer, lightly squeezing her hand, free hand reaching up, lightly brushing a few of Izzy's curls away from her face. Her fingers trail down, tracing along her cheek, lightly catching her jaw, gently tilting her face back up, meeting Izzy's gaze with a soft warm, utterly beautiful smile that sent a little buzz down Izzy's spine and caused her heart to do a little summersault.

"Belladonna no. It's hardly your fault. This has been going for centuries before us- for millennia. It's no one person's fault…least of all yours."

Izzy huffed out a soft breath of a laugh, feeling her cheeks warm, subconsciously shifting closer.

"Wha-"

"Well, well Red, still alive? Huh…Looks like I owe Douglas ten bucks." a voice all but drawled startling them both.

Izzy tenses, shifting back, turning to see the speaker before startling yet again, momentarily freezing at the sight before her.

W-what in the-?

T-okay…that's Darcy. She'd know that smarmy smirk, arrogance and those Ice cold blue eyes anywhere. That is Darcy but…but she looks different.

The features are the same but something about them just looks wrong…off…it feels like some thing wearing a Darcy mask. There's an extra darkness to those icy blue eyes, a murkiness. They seem flat and dull- almost like a dolls eyes. She doesn't see any light in them, just a dull, flat kind of blankness that brings her up short. The eyes are unsettling and feel totally out of place on an even remotely humanistic type face but that's not what's bringing Izzy up short, what's making her head spin and spurt to a stop.

No…that would be the odd, murky, heaving, slickly muck like atmosphere pulsating around Darcy. It's dark and putrid, a sickening mix of black, blue, dark purple and even darker yellow that reminds Izzy of the discoloration of a viciously deep bruise. Distantly it registers to Izzy that this is supposed to be something similar to the kaleidoscopic, prismatic light aura she sees shimmering and dancing around Clary b-but…oh wow…yeah no.

If it was ever anything like that it sure as hell isn't anymore. It looked dirty- stained and bruised beyond recognition as any kind of light or aura or anything even remotely good or beautiful. The movement of the field is thick and heavy like something undulating and writhing. It reminds Izzy of a slug dragging itself through a sludgy sewer.

Oh man…I-is that what supernaturals see when they look at Angelus? Is that what SHElooks like to them?

God she hopes not…

No wonder they say she's the stuff of nightmares…

The sight of it was absolutely nauseating, Izzy swallows back a wave of sickness, shifting back somewhat away from the partition, blinking, casting a nervous, confused glance over to Clary, eyes wide and questioning. Darcy sees this but clearly reads it as fear from Izzy. As embarrassment or shame at being caught out. She smirks at that, the sludgy atmosphere pulsing sickeningly at the reaction.

O-oh wow…ugh…that's…ugh…yeah she may actually become physically ill from this.

She swallows back the nausea, taking low, shallow breaths like she did when she was filling in at the Med bay and had to help out in the morgue. Darcy seems to take this reaction as more fear on Izzy's part, seemingly reveling in it, the putrid, brackish sludge like aura pulsating again even faster. Darcy gives a faint scoff, sneering, gaze shifting from Izzy over to Clary, nodding back towards Izzy.

"Gotta say I wasn't expecting that. Kinda figured with this one's temper and impulse control on top of the feral viciousness of the mongrel transformation you'd of been nothing but a stain on the floor by now Red." She chuckled, looking between them, pointedly taking in their closeness and the fact that Izzy still had a hold of Clary's hand.

She scoffs, sneering disdainfully, cold blue gaze shifting back up to Izzy's face giving a slight shrug.

"Though guess I didn't take her other baser instincts into account. Looks like we know which ones won out this time. That's one way to soothe the savage beast…not really the way I'd go but guess you gotta do what you gotta do right Red? Can't really fault a girl for using what she's got to survive." She trailed off with a condescending little not quite laugh, flashing a totally fake empathetic smile to Clary before shifting back over to Izzy.

"To be fair I didn't actually believe it back then. I mean I knew the rumors and stories about your proclivities back in academy but always thought it was just chatter trying to take you down a few pegs- know that's what it was when I'd spread it around.

But from the looks of it seems I gave you too much credit Golden Girl. Apparently you were a repulsive freak of nature long before your little run in with that Were." She huffed out a faint laugh, shrugging, gesturing towards Izzy.

"I shouldn't even be that surprised really. You did always give off a butchy kinda vibe- Guess what threw me was that you actually had pretty decent taste clothing wise-" she chuckled again, shifting, reaching up, adjusting the front of her leather jacket, smoothing down the front over the small studded pockets an-

Wait…

T-that's her…

Izzy shifted, glaring, finally able to see the smarmy wretch inside of the putrid, viscous ooze like aura enough to really register what she's wearing. She leaps to her feet, crossing the cell in a blink, pressing close to the plexi-glass partition.

"What the hell are you playing at? What do you think you're doing wearing that?"

Darcy gave a fake surprised smile, giving a flattered gesture towards the fitted, embellished leather jacket- Izzy's lucky leather jacket. Her signature, one of a kind leather jacket. Darcy smirks, doing an obnoxious little turn, showing it off, pulling it closer, flashing another one of those cold, arrogant, viper like smiles.

"Oh this? You like? I just got it- kinda rescued it really. Came in with some sad, repulsive piece of trash. Figured it was too good to toss away with the rest so I just decided to keep it. No sense letting something actually worthwhile be eliminated with the rest of it…right?" she trailed off on a faint chuckle, that smarmy smirk tugging at her lips, those limp blue doll eyes watching for the fallout.

From somewhere deep inside of her Izzy felt a rumbling, rolling thunder building. She took a deep breath, a low, dangerous growl slipping out, the reverberation shaking through her, washing over her. Distantly she felt her skin heat and prickle, nails lengthen.

"What the hell are you doing you repulsive snake?"

Darcy chuckled, brow quirking.

"Hey like I said no sense letting something actually useful be destroyed with the rest of the trash. Couldn't see letting it go to waste- and it does look so much better on me. Wish I could wear it when I go to comfort poor grieving Alec-I do look damn good in it but it'd probably raise a few questions…" she paused, shrugging.

"Well unless I wait a couple days and say I had it made as a tribute to you or something…hey, that might work. Could even get me a few bonus points with the guy…maybe by then he'll be looking for a bit of physical consolation to help with the pain and loss…I could definitely work with that." she smirked, winking.

"Wish me luck."

Izzy growled again, louder this time, the sound going deeper than before, clear down in her bones. She raises her fists, slamming them into the partition, the glass shuddering with the impact. She shifts her hands, dragging her claws down the partition, leaving deep gauges in their wake. Darcy laughed, those cold eyes taking on a sickeningly murky anti-light. She didn't know how else to describe it- she knew it was supposed to be the eyes brightening, sparkling with excitement and eagerness but they seem to get somehow duller, cloudier- they go from the dull lifeless doll like eyes to the even duller more lifeless eyes of a shark.

Izzy shook her head, glaring,

"Don't you get anywhere near him you disgusting, repulsive, vile wretch. You so much as breathe in his direction and I'll-"

Darcy scoffed, brow raising, shrugging, totally unconcerned.

"You'll what? You're in there. Another couple days and you won't even be there. You're no threat to me. Just some repulsive feral little mongrel that's ready to be put down. Just another disgusting, worthless monster on its way out. You're nothing. Absolutely nothing."

Oh that miserable little-

Izzy shifted, pounding on the partition, rending it with her claws, letting out a loud roar that reverberates through the building. Darcy laughed, glancing over at Clary who at some point had joined Izzy near the glass, brow quirking, nodding towards Izzy.

"Oop, better be careful there red. She's getting her fur up. You better hope her desire to screw you overrides the bloodlust. Almost seems cruel tossing some helpless little strumpet in with a vicious monster."

Clary shifted closer to Izzy without a hint of hesitation, reaching over, resting her hand on her shoulder, squeezing gently. Her head tilts, bright, blazing spring green eyes flickering like emerald flames, zeroing in on Darcy, flaring brighter.

"The only monster I see is you."

Darcy gave a slight laugh, waving it off.

"Yeah like I told your little plaything there I don't really put much stock in the opinions of monsters."

Clary gave a soft, somewhat odd breath of a laugh, head tilting curiously.

"Well what do you know we have something in common. I don't either. That's why nothing you say means anything to me. I've never really put any stock in the opinions of Goalainima, especially one as far gone and hopeless as you. Your soul is one of the saddest, most repulsive sights I've ever seen."

Darcy huffed, covering a glare with a disbelieving laugh.

"Yeah well just wait till she loses it and gets done with you. Thinking that's gonna be a pretty sad, sorry sight."

Clary gave a soft laugh, the sound was odd, melodic. It reminded Izzy of windchimes and summertime but there was an odd current underneath it like the hint of a storm brewing in the distance. She shifted closer to Izzy, squeezing her shoulder comfortingly. Izzy shivers at the touch, she can feel a dizzying, buzzing, electric tingle. She knows it's the beautiful sirens magic, she can feel it surging and pulsating just under the surface.

It's exciting, electrifying, kinda makes her head spin. Instinctively she leans more into the touch, thrilling at the power and strength she can feel from the other woman.

"I'm in no danger here."

Darcy sees Izzy's reaction, her expression contorts into one of disgust, shaking her head near pityingly.

"Ugh…yeah and three guesses way…that is just disgusting. I mean I know monsters have no morals but really-"

"I'm not a monster. I'm not in here with a monster. The only monster in this entire room is the one standing on that side of the partition. I'm in here with a strong, brave, beautifully bright soul going through the worst time of her life who is being taunted by a sad, pathetic little Goalainima who seems to think trying to dim and damage her light will somehow fix their own battered, bruised, decrepit soul.

It won't. Nothing you can do will ever diminish her strength or her light. You'll never be anything compared to her and you know it. You've known that from the moment you met her and you hated it. Hated how obviously superior he was to you in every possible way. Hated how everyone could see it.

It's really pathetic- just classic jealousy and tired old insecurity. In most it barely even registers but it's practically eating you alive. I can see the bile and vitriol running through you, leeching out of you, filling the air around you like a cloud of noxious swamp gas, weighing the tattered little remains of your sad excuse for a soul down with the negativity and hate permeated into your very being.." She sighed, shifting closer to the glass, lifting her hand, pressing her palm to the partition.

Her skin glimmers, shimmering, a bit of her inner light and fire reflecting, casting a soft incandescence along her skin. Her eyes glow bright, blazing emerald, sparking like flames. She looks up, catching Darcy's gaze holding it, eyes glowing even brighter. Darcy freezes, seemingly rooted to the spot, something deep in that vile lizard brain registering the strength and power that up to now has gone totally unnoticed in the Siren.

Clary's head shifts the other way, the move smooth, fluid, near animalistic. Her hand against the glass flexes, nails lengthening slightly.

"I usually feel pity for beings so sad and damaged…but with you?" she laughs softly, the sound is odd, light and pretty but with an undercurrent that hits on something deep and primal, setting off alarm bells even inside of Izzy.

"With you it's nothing…it's empty. Just like you, Darcy Reinier."

At her name Darcy seemed to start out of the near trance like state. She blinked, stumbling back, a glimpse of genuine fear and confusion flitting across her haughty features before she seemingly catches herself, shaking it off, quickly pulling back up the standard Darcy mask of arrogance and condescension. It doesn't quite cover it as good as she thinks it does but it's the best she can do.

"Y-Yeah well again I don't really waste time fretting over the thoughts of monsters and mongrels. That might actually be a decent burn coming from a person, but you? Well…what do I care what some shimmery Sapphic supernatural sexpot thinks?

I only care about the opinions of actual people, so you know, swing and a miss…good try though." She chuckled, regaining a bit of her confidence and arrogance, shifting back to her normal level of superiority, the brief glimpse of the true power of the siren seemingly forgotten, lost to the cloud of egotism and pomposity.

"In any case I've wasted enough of my time on you two losers. Just came in to see where she was with the transformation and show off my stylish new jacket. Going by the temper tantrum she's right on track. Two days tops the transformation will be complete and we can move onto the final phase." She shrugged, smirking, giving a judgmental little wave towards them.

"In the meantime I'll be nice and leave you to it- god knows I sure as hell don't want to see how a sex powered priss plans on calming down a feral creature. No doubt it'll be a hell of a show but I'm SO not the audience for it. Sure plenty of the pent up mongrels here will get a real kick out of it but guess even monsters deserve a little fun every now and then.

That is all you Red.

Besides I may as well let you enjoy your little conjugal visit while you can. Soon as her transformation is completed and that freaky healing factor resets to the normal level we can move on to the last phase. I'm really looking forward to that part. Talked to Sargent McDaniels and General Ingram and my Dad and got it all squared away and set to go when the time is right. They're even gonna let me do the honors." She smirked, chuckling, tugging the jacket collar up.

"I even got my outfit all picked out for the big day…at least part of it. See you then golden girl." she laughed again, turning on heel, giving a flippant wave over her shoulder, practically sashaying out, the door slamming, echoing throughout the building.

Clary gave a low growl, angrily hitting the partition, glaring towards the door, shaking her head.

"Ugh- what an absolute wretch…I'd call her a snake but I've never met a snake that cold blooded and cruel. Sh-Izzy?" Clary trailed off, catching sight of her, pretty eyes shifting over her in concern.

Izzy stood frozen, hands still pressed against the partition, feeling rooted to the spot. She feels like the rug was pulled out from under her. She swallowed, a faint shiver slipping through her. Beside her she senses Clary shift closer, distantly registering the light touch of a delicate hand on her shoulder, squeezing, hand trailing along her back.

"Izzy wha-"

Sargent McDaniels? General Ingram? Th-…

"Hey Isabelle? Belladonna? Okay I know it's scary and I know this looks really bad and impossible but hell it's YOU! You pull off crazy impossible things on a daily basis. And she said two days. Two days till they think your transformation will be done. We can work with two days. I can work with two days. We have time, we can figure something out…we can-"

"Wha-McDaniels…Mason..."

Clary paused, realization dawning, nodding slowly.

"Yeah. They're some of the highest ranking people at ADONIS. You know them?"

She swallowed, nodding.

"Arthur McDaniels was our neighbor growing up. He lived next door to my parents. He still lives next door to my parents. His daughter Daisy was a year ahead of me in school, his son Link was a year behind me and Alec. Daisy was the first girl I ever kissed. Arthur was the first and pretty much only adult I'd ever came out to as a teen- and he was nice about it! He was understanding and supportive and even told me if my parents found out and gave me trouble I could stay with them.

Mason Ingram has been a family friend my entire life…he's celebrated holidays with us. He's been like an uncle to me and all my siblings. He was our archery instructor- started teaching me and Alec when we were barely big enough to hold the bows. When I was six he bought me my first bike and a can of black paint because he could only find the kind I really wanted in pink and he knew I hated that. I babysat his kids all through high school.

I-I know them. I really know them. I know them as well as I know my own family…" She blinked, swallowing again, feeling herself pale, the odd prickling feeling shifting over her skin, shaking her head, looking over at Clarissa.

"They-those…those are the voices."

Clary blinked, head tilting.

"Voices?"

Izzy started, nodding shakily, turning, leaning back against the partition, sinking gracelessly to the floor.

"W-when I woke up the first time. When I was in the freezer looking holding cell. I was trying to think to figure out what was going on and how I got here and I tried this meditation technique Luke taught me. I remember hearing medical sounds and chaos and yelling. The voices sounded familiar but I couldn't place them…n-now I can. It was them. Trying to revive me, stabilize m-" she trailed off, the sounds clicking, the words drifting back, registering, really registering, the things that didn't fit before suddenly slotting perfectly into place.

She swallowed, shivering, looking up at Clary, Realization dawning.

"T-they weren't trying to stabilize me…were they?"

Clary sighed softly, shifting down, settling next to her, slipping her arm around her shoulders, shaking her head. Izzy took a shallow, stuttery breath, shakily nodding back before shifting her gaze away from her. She reaches up, rubbing at her face, feeling a bone deep shiver slipping down her spine.

"My god…I've spent holidays with them, grew up with their kids. I've known them my entire life. I've trusted them with my life. I trust them with my siblings lives." She swallowed, shaking her head, looking over at Clary in shock and disbelief.

"Clary-I-I don't…I don't know what to do here. I don't know what to think. These guys are like an extension of my family- I trust them like I do my own parents. Hell I trust them more than I trust my own parents. I've known them literally my entire life and…and what? They're ready to kill me? Willing to throw me away like I'm nothing?"

Clary blinked, clearly at a loss, beginning to shake her head.

"I-I don't…They don't see it as nothing."

Izzy huffed disgustedly, giving a furious wave.

"No that's what they see me as."

Clary shifted, shrugging.

"Maybe they're like you thought…think they're sparing you?"

Izzy scoffed, looking over, brow quirking.

"You don't believe that."

"W-well no…but I could be wrong."

Izzy shook her head, agitatedly pushing her hair back.

"You're not…if they had any shred of empathy or respect or compassion for me they wouldn't toss me to some vile, sorry excuse for a nepotistic slug so she can get her own sick little thrills in."

Clary swallowed, slipping closer, giving a somewhat hopeless little shrug.

"I-well…okay but I mean we don't know anything for sure. We just have Darcy's word which i-"

"Is absolute crap and worth less than nothing but Clary? SHE'S the one who confronted me when I woke up. She's the one coming down here strutting around flaunting the jacket she stole from a dead woman. Those ARE the voices I heard…the second she said the names they clicked and I don't think they clicked before because I really, REALLY didn't want them to but…but they're who I heard when I was brought in. They're who I heard…they're who I heard when they were trying to kill me.

I heard them saying it was too late…they were too late…I was too strong.

T-these are people I've known my entire life. People I trust more than I trust my own parents…they tried to take me out as if I was nothing. It wasn't a fight it wasn't challenge- tried to take me out when I was unconscious, delirious, weak, and utterly helpless.

Oh my god…I heardthem trying to kill me…" she trailed off, shivering as the realization and the gravity of it truly hit her full force, curling more into herself, feeling a pain and fear and utter hopelessness welling up inside her the likes of which she has never felt.

God…these were people she knew…people she respected and trusted. People she would never hesitate to trust with her life…with her siblings lives. People she thought she could trust with everything that mattered to her.

And they tried to murder her- flat out murder her. Tried to kill her when she was weak and helpless and completely at their mercy. They tried to eliminate her like she was nothing, just some problem. They gave her to Darcy to taunt, goad and mock…to one of the worst embarrassments the academy has ever seen just for the hell of it. They tossed her into some dank, dingy, cell like some animal. Threw her in with some helpless innocent in hopes she'd lose control and rip the girl apart.

They purposefully set her up to make her into the very monster she feared she would be. Set her up to do something so heinous that it would drive her insane and push her past her breaking point so when they came back for her she'd welcome death.

They tried to MAKE her a monster just so she wouldn't put up a fight when they came to finish what they were too slow to finish in the first place. God that is one of the most vile things she has ever heard of. It's heartless…it's monstrous.

They were monsters…

Cold, remorseless monsters…

They were Cowards…

And these were the GOOD ones? Christ- What does that make her? How long has she-how many times has shebeen the vile monster going after innocents without a second thought? How many-

Izzy gasped, feeling her chest tightening, breath quickening, coming in sharp, gulping gasps, squeezing her eyes shut in panic. The second she does she's bombarded, the flitting shimmers surging back into focus with a vengeance, dancing through her mind.

Oh…that many…god…

She whimpers pitifully, shaking her head, trying to mentally scramble away from the dancing lights. She feels burning hot and that prickling feeling shifts over her skin, feels the burning cold approaching.

O-oh god…wha-what does she do?

She shivers, gasping, the tightening in her chest getting worse, feels her nails lengthen and her muscles tighten and spasm.

Oh god, oh god-t-this…this is too much, it's too much, it's t-

She starts at a soft touch, feeling herself being shifted and repositioned, feeling one arm wrap around her, a hand slipping up, wrapping around, pulling her in close.

"Shh…okay…it's okay Belladonna…it's okay…I got you." Clary murmured, voice soft, warm and lilting.

Clary shifts closer, turning her so she's all but wrapped around her, Izzy feels a soft, welcoming warmth and a wave of sheer strength and compassion wash over her, encircling her, protecting her. Clary hums softly, reaching up one hand, gently stroking Izzy's hair, settling Izzy more comfortably against her. Izzy shifts closer, wrapping her arms around the other woman probably far too tightly but she can't seem to help it. Clary just holds her tighter, shifting closer, leaning in, lips brushing lightly against Izzy's forehead, soothing the heat and panic before slipping down, brushing the slightest bit against her ear, that soft, hypnotic, lilting voice picking up in a song.

It's soft and quiet and soothing, Izzy feels it wash over her, feels the beauty and warmth and the sheer strength that absolutely radiated from the gorgeous siren somehow perfectly concentrated into that soft, lilting, resonating voice. The song seems to seep into her, soothe the pain and the fear and the terror. The icy burning sparks retreat overwhelmed by a brilliant, blazing incandescent prismatic light. It's bright and beautiful and overwhelming in the absolute best possible way. It chases away the crushing weight and the crippling pressure she'd felt in her chest.

Eventually she feels her muscles relax, feels her nails recede, the prickly feeling slipping over her skin again. She feels her heartbeat slow and steady, her breath evening out.

Slowly her grip on the other woman loosens, the tension in her body melting away, seemingly taking with it her strength and energy. She yawns, shifting closer, cuddling into the warmth and the light. Eventually she feels her mind slow, feels herself being pulled into a deep calming sleep.

She sighs softly, nestling in, leaning up, lightly brushing a soft kiss to Clary's jaw before settling closer, nuzzling in against Clary's neck, feeling her body relax further and her mind slow and soothe- the fear, panic, anger and darkness swirling around in her head shifting and evaporating- retreating in the face of the shimmering mass of soft, kaleidoscopic, prismatic light and sweet, warm springtime scents and warmth and hope.

The last thing she sees in her minds eye before fading into sleep is a soft, sweet smile and a blazing image of the most breathtakingly beautiful spring green eyes she's ever seen.

Her final thought before fading into unconsciousness was that she may have been tossed into hell but at least through a random twist of fate she was tossed into hell with her very own piece of heaven.

Well, hell…maybe it wasn't just her jacket that was lucky after all…

{*_*^*_*^*_*^*_*^*_*^*_*^*_*^*_*^} *****End Of Chapter Notes***** {*_*^*_*^*_*^*_*^*_*^*_*^*_*^*_*^}

Viativore:A being that feeds on some aspect of another sentient being ( blood, emotions, pain, soul, exc.)- used this in V5 and I liked it so figured we'd carry it over.

Goalainima =Empty Hearts. A being that will not leave a Nevinimi.

Nevinimi=Innocent heart

Oookay…wow…lot to unpack here.

First off I know the last scene throw a ton at you really quickly but that's just how it kinda fell. Izzy's been processing this for about two chapters now but there's a big difference between finding out the people you thought you could trust are not all that you believed and finding out specific people who you saw as extended family members actively tried to kill you before throwing you into hell at the hands of a reviled foe.

That kinda takes it out of a girl, understandable she'd have a bit of breakdown- and the final thought I know feels like trying to shoehorn in a happy ending to end on a good note but..well…can you blame me?

All in all I actually really like this. I LOVE how this verse is shaping up. It's gonna be really complicated and really unique but that's what makes me love it so much. This is quickly moving up on my list of favorite verses.

Next I am SO sorry for the absurdly long wait for an update guys. I've had a lot going on and there's been a LOT to deal with this year. Work stuff and personal stuff and the never-ending abyss of depression and rage that constitutes the news anymore has just really done a number on me this year.

I'm not gonna make any promises cause I always promise to pick up the updates but just know I'm not going anywhere. Even if it takes a long time for me to update none of these stories are just gonna stop. I have them all planned out- I have the next eight stories of every freaking Verse all planned out. Hell I have plotlines for 2nd seasons of near every verse planned out.

We're getting close to the end of this round of stories and I'm really excited about what all we have to come so just bear with me and be patient I promise it'll be worth it. I'd much rather take my time and end up with a completed product that I love rather than rush through trying to stick to an imaginary self-imposed deadline and end up with something less than it could be. These stories are definitely a marathon not a sprint (as evidenced by my inability to write any chapter under 5k anymore).

Kay think that's about everything, onto the ever present update list:

Picture Perfect (Verse 8) {5}

Love Bug (Verse 2)(3)

Death Was Just The Beginning (V3) (5)

The Demon In The Mirror (Verse 4) (4)

Nosey Neighbors (Verse 9) (5)

A Study In Chaos (Verse 6) (5)

You Can Go Home Again (Verse 1) (5 )

As you can see next up is V4- that'll be a really nice one to have after this one. Thinking it's just some cute fluffies. After something this heavy and weighty I think we all can use that.

So what do you think about the Nevinimi? What about Darcy (Seriously how much do you want this girl to get her comeuppance- just hang tight we'll get there)?

34