Story Title: All the Ways to Say I Love You
Disclaimer: Still don't own YYH.
Author's Notes: As usual, it took me a bit to come back to this fic, longer than I had hoped it would be. The years of me not taking care of myself caught up with me this year, requiring a couple surgeries—everything's okay now, I just really need to wake up and take care myself in all the ways.
This chapter isn't that long, but it feels like a lot happens—maybe it feels that way since I've been working on it for a year. If you're curious to know, the song Jin sings is a translated portion of his character song, "Tsumuji Kaze de FLY AWAY. I wanted to find translations from Kappei Yamaguchi's Mentaiko Gohan EP from a romantic song, but only a few of his songs currently have translations and I'm not confident in my Japanese to translate lyrics by ear yet.
Special thanks to Prophet of cynicism for reviewing. Thank you so much for your really sweet review. It's kept me going through the rough writing process of this chapter. I do agree that Touya's inability to talk to Jin might have gone too far into the extreme side than I might have wanted it to. This started out as a big bang fic and knowing there was a deadline might have led me to decide just to go with it, but this chapter will do quite a bit of course correction and perhaps later on some light will get shed on why Touya is the social mess he is. I know that an update took so long but I hope you and others are still out there waiting and reading.
-o-
Chapter Five: Something That You Don't Know You Want
-o-
Touya sat slouched at his register. He rested his head on his crossed arms on the countertop. It was during a lull in business, and Kurama was around, checking in on his plants as he waited for a call. There was busy work to be done, but Touya could do it later. Kurama wasn't an "If you've got time to lean, you've got time to clean" taskmaster. There were plenty of times where the two of them sat around talking when there were minor things to do and no customers.
It didn't take Kurama much guesswork to figure out that something was bothering him. Touya updated him on what was going on between him and Jin. Touya was deeply frustrated with himself. He still wasn't able to talk to Jin. He wasn't certain himself what the problem was. Jin was a nice guy. He was honest and forthcoming. Hardly a day went by that they didn't stay up much too late texting back and forth. It was getting easier to tell him things about himself, but there were barriers he was still keeping up between them.
"Everything goes wrong when I'm around him. My heart races. I get anxious. I can't speak. How can I feel so happy when I'm with him but so afraid of looking like a fool?" Touya said, staring at the porthole window in the front door that featured a milky white four-tailed fox surrounded by rainbow stained-colored glass. "Something's wrong with me."
Kurama was turned away from him, but his shoulders were shaking far too much for him to not be silently laughing at him.
"You know what my problem is, don't you?"
Kurama circled around. His joyful expression confirmed his laughter. "Oh, this pothos told a joke," he said with a much too big and far too cryptic smile.
Touya hopped down from his seat. It was annoying when Kurama was like this. At least Kurama didn't think his problem was that serious of an issue, since he was being infuriatingly vague. Kurama usually didn't play mind games when the matter had weight and importance. Usually.
Even if it was all going to sort itself out in the end, it was bothering Touya now, and he did want Kurama's advice. He cut in front of him and asked him to tell him the straightforward answer. There was a small chance that he was actually going to give him the answer.
"Focus on what you're feeling when you're around him. Are you sure that the heart of the matter is something that's wrong?" Kurama said. Which was not the most straightforward answer, Touya noted.
So him not being able to talk to Jin was somehow the right thing? Touya wasn't following Kurama's logic. Normally, he made so much sense. Or Touya was usually better at deciphering his puzzles than this. "This can't be a good thing."
The phone in Kurama's office rang.
"There's my call," he announced brightly. Touya wanted to curse, as Kurama headed to his office to dodge any more questioning. Before he closed the door and sealed his escape, Kurama asked Touya to water the plants outside. Touya considered not doing Kurama's politely requested order. If he wasn't such a dutiful worker, maybe he would have. But it wasn't like he had much else to do, and Kurama was busy at the moment.
He carried the ladder from the back outside. Touya wasn't a big fan of ladders, especially this one. Honestly, it needed to be replaced. He made a mental note to check the supply list later to add one on. He grabbed the tin watering can, silently prayed for safety, and headed up the steps. He hated the way the old ladder clanged and wobbled with his every step. He hated the uncertainty of it all. It felt like he didn't belong on here. His right arm lugged up the full watering can, making him feel more off-balanced than he already was. Deep breaths. One slow step at a time. There wasn't that many steps left.
Of course, his side of the street was busy this afternoon. A steady flow of people passed by him as he cautiously made his way on up. He wished more folks walked closer to the curb. Touya set the watering can on the top step. Looking out at the stores across the street, he was struck by the difference a few feet off the ground made to his perception of the world. It felt unreal. It felt dizzying. Was it him or the ladder that was shaking? He couldn't tell. The ladder didn't feel like it was underneath him. Every part of him told him to go back down, everything except his sense of duty to complete the task assigned to him keeping him there.
His trembling fingers found the sides of the ladder. He wondered if there was any point in holding on tight if he could tip over into the street and get run over by a passing car at any moment. No, he could just as easily fall on top of a person walking by, and they could sue the shop, and Kurama could lose everything. And it was going to be all his fault.
Touya knew he shouldn't think thoughts like that. They weren't helping him. Even if every scenario was entirely plausible.
Okay, deep breath, focus. The quicker he watered the plants, the sooner he could get down off the ladder. Touya lifted the watering can over his head. He was still too short. Just a little bit more was all he needed. He raised up onto the tips of his trembling toes. The water started to trickle out from the spout.
And then there was a loud bang. A solid thud rattled the metal frame. The rickety ladder moved underfoot, jostled out of place.
Touya dropped the watering can. It hit the top of the ladder and splattered water on him and the rungs. Touya waved his arms in a desperate try to regain his balance but it was too late. He was falling. People shouted. Footsteps hurried to get out of the way.
Everything was a blur. Just a broad streak of panic and the certainty that he was about to crack his head on the pavement. He collided with someone. His head hit their shoulder. His back, their chest. Muscular arms went under Touya's arms and braced his sides. They held on with all the strength they possessed. Anything to keep him from hitting the sidewalk.
"Easy does it now," said a familiar voice, straining at the sudden weight. Getting a better hold on his upper body, the fellow scooped Touya's legs up and lifted him up bridal-style. All of the congratulatory noise barely registered to Touya once he looked up and saw Jin grinning back at him. "Saw you taking a tumble and couldn't keep myself from rushing in to catch you."
Touya stared wide-eyed, stunned to see that Jin had saved him. His heart was pounding. It was probably all from the terror of almost falling, but Touya didn't doubt that a small part of it was from seeing Jin. Not that that was bad thing, just...unexpected.
Anger flashed in Jin's eyes as he stared down the street. "Feckin' bastard kicked your ladder and ran off. I've got half a mind of going after him, I do, but it's more important that you're okay. Are ya okay?" Jin's gaze softened, his expression full of care and concern.
Touya's ears warmed, starting at the tips. He stiffly nodded yes.
There was that feeling again. Touya wasn't sure how to describe it. He had so little frame of reference close to this emotion. The best way he was able to explain it was in parts. The warmth of a clear summer day. The sight of blue skies and the touch of gentle breezes. That little flutter of excitement of a new book from one of his favorite authors arriving on the truck. The spring in his step as he hurried home to start reading as quick as possible. The comfort of his favorite tight-knit sweater enveloping him on a chilly, rainy morning. Even all those parts together was only a shadow of what he felt right now.
Touya wanted to thank him for catching him, but his damn nerves got the better of him. Shame lumped in the pit of his stomach. Jin deserved thanks. Wishing that his eyes were able to convey the thank-you his voice failed to communicate, Touya clutched Jin's work shirt and hoped that his message of gratitude shined through. Or at least that he apologized for not saying thank you for his heroic deed.
"Ah, helped if I put you down, wouldn't it?" he said. Jin set him down easy, not wanting to aggravate any bruised spots. The two of them had collided pretty roughly. Touya's shoulders and his upper back were sore, but that was about it. Surely, Jin's chest was feeling a sharp twinge or two.
One or two little words was all Touya had to say. He could not stress the importance of saying thanks more. Not only was it rightly deserved, it was what one was supposed to say in social situations such as this. Had the people that had witnessed his fall noticed that he hadn't said anything yet? He glanced around. The normal flow of foot traffic had returned.
"Need help watering the plants? I could do it for you quick," Jin offered. He picked up the tin watering can off the sidewalk and gave it a little shake. A little water sloshed inside. Not enough to water the plants. Touya declined his help anyway. "Be careful if you go up again. Let's chat later so." Jin offered a little salute as a goodbye and turned toward the cafe.
No, Touya wasn't going to let this end like this. He hurried and grabbed Jin's wrist. Jin stopped. He turned back around, arching an eyebrow in curiosity. Touya brought their hands together and gave them a gentle squeeze. He bowed forward. He wasn't able to say thank you, but he wasn't going to let Jin leave without expressing his thanks somehow.
Touya peered up to see Jin smiling softly. "Not a bother," he said.
He let Jin's hands slip out from his. Touya knew he had to let him go at some point, but he selfishly wished that he had been able to hold Jin's hands for ten, twenty more seconds. Just a bit longer. It had just felt nice. Maybe it was his own selfish hope trying to convince him, but it seemed like Jin hadn't wanted to let go so soon either.
Touya quickly raised his hand up to return Jin's wave as he headed on into the cafe to begin his shift. And then it was only him out there by the ladder. Touya's shoulders fell. A hollow sadness welled in him that he had never felt with such intensity before. He wished that Jin was still out here with him. Hadn't said a word to him and yet he wanted to be around him. It made no sense to him. Touya's thoughts didn't always make sense whenever he was around Jin. He still didn't understand what Kurama meant by that being a good thing.
The rest of the afternoon came and went. Business had picked up, and Touya didn't get a chance to fill Kurama in on what had happened between him and Jin until it was nearly closing time. At the first chime at nine o'clock, Kurama locked the door. Touya opened his till to count his register.
"I don't understand. He's been nothing but kind to me," Touya said, as he finished the change and quickly moved onto the banknotes. "Why am I finding it so hard to talk to him?"
"Let's approach the matter from a different angle," Kurama suggested. "What had made you open up to me?"
That was a good question. After so many years, it was hard to remember the first meetings with great detail, but Touya believed he had found the moment. "You had let me stay and read. Other shops thought I was up to something. You saw a fifteen-year-old kid that needed somewhere to escape to for a few hours, so you gave me that safe place."
"So I saw you as a person, not as a problem. Is that not what he's doing?"
"I know, but..."
Kurama stood beside him and leaned his lower back against the counter. "What do you think will happen if you open up to him?"
Touya swallowed his air roughly. "That he'll realize that I'm not worth getting to know."
"Do you really believe that you're not worth getting to know?"
Touya didn't answer that question. Not outright. He didn't want to believe that he wasn't worth getting to know—he quite wished to believe that the opposite was true—but after being told most of his life that he wasn't good enough just the way he was, old thought patterns were difficult to shake off. "I just don't think there's much about me that will keep him interested."
"Elaborate."
"I'm not like him. My life is boring. I'm boring." Tearing away the totals slip, Touya laid the receipt in his drawer and laid the thin metal cover over the till. There was no discrepancy in his cash amount. "We don't have much in common."
"You know for certain that there's nothing the two of you have in common?"
Unable to tolerate Kurama's gentle scrutiny, Touya looked away. "We haven't exactly discussed what we each both like," he admitted. "There's little things we can agree on, but it doesn't matter if we both like certain movies and sunsets. Those things aren't going to keep a friendship going."
"And deciding that you're too different before you've spent any time together will ensure that your friendship will never have the chance to start," Kurama said, picking up the till drawer.
It stung how right Kurama was. Touya tilted his head down, embarrassed by his actions. He hadn't been trying to keep Jin away. He wasn't trying to be off-putting. Not intentionally. With Kurama, they had their mutual love of books and reading as their foundation of their friendship, and Touya coming to work for him had only added more support and a new dynamic between them. Touya really didn't understand what had drawn Jin to him in the first place or what kept him coming around.
Touya followed Kurama toward his office. "Remember, it's not a question of whether or not he wants to be friends. His hand is already extended. The question is: are you going to take him up on his offer?"
Touya wanted to. He wasn't sure how, but he wanted to be friends with Jin. He wanted to try at least. It wasn't every day that someone had made it so abundantly clear that they wished to get to know him. The hardest part of approaching and introducing himself was long since done. Now, it was a matter of faith that Jin's offer was genuine and that Touya was able to allow himself to be open and vulnerable.
When Touya arrived home later that evening, he checked his phone. Jin hadn't sent him any new messages. When he had left the shop, he had thought about going over and talking to Jin after work, but the cafe closed at the same time as the bookshop, and the evening shift was busy cleaning. Touya didn't want to bother Jin. Besides, what good was it going to do for him to go over and try to talk to him when he couldn't even say a proper thank-you?
He sent Jin a quick text: I'm sorry I didn't say thanks earlier. I wanted to, but..
He had tried to say thanks in the only manner he knew possible, but it still didn't feel like he had done enough.
You did though. Not in any words, but I heard you loud and clear, Jin replied.
It's not the same. And then Touya added: some things have to be said out loud.
I agree with you there, but don't be troubling yourself over what you didn't say.
Don't you think it's strange that I don't talk to you? That this is our means of communication?
Sure look, I've never had to do this with any other person I've ever met—
Touya's heart sank as he read. He knew what was coming next.
But if this is how you and me talk until you're comfortable speaking to me...then this is how it'll be so. It be no bother to me to wait.
Jin was not fed up with him yet? Not that Touya wanted him to be, but he was surprised that he hadn't gotten frustrated and decided that he wasn't worth the hassle of getting to know better.
Why? Touya asked. Why do you want to put up with my nonsense?
Because that's how it'll be for now, Jin answered. It's not gonna be this way forever.
Jin sounded so certain, like it was some irrefutable fact. His words assured that there was no use worrying about it because things were definitely going to change. He was just so confident that everything was going to work out all right. Touya admired and was a little envious of his positive certainty. Touya was always a little doubtful or crossing his fingers that things worked out. He was never one hundred percent certain.
What if things don't change? Touya wrote.
Touya began to worry when Jin did not respond quickly.
Then you and I are gonna get mighty fast at texting, Jin replied with an assortment of smiling emoji.
His face warming, Touya smiled. No one had ever been so interested in him before. No, not like that. Touya quickly shook his head no. He felt his face heat up further. Interested wasn't the word he was looking for. Curious was more like it. He could try to convince Jin that there really wasn't much to him to get to know all he wanted to, but he doubted that he was going to listen.
Are you free tomorrow evening, around 6?
Yeah, what you thinking about?
Was he really going to send this? The quicker he typed, the less time he had to reconsider. Was he going absolutely mad? Possibly. But he had to try.
Have you ever been to Yukimura Diner?
You bet'cha I've been there.
Would you like to have dinner with me there?
The seconds it took for Jin to reply felt like an eternity in limbo. Not that Touya had any reason to doubt that his answer was going to be.
Wouldn't miss it for the world, Jin responded.
-o-
Okay, Touya needed to stop glancing at his reflection in every storefront window. He had already made his final check in his bathroom mirror three times before he made himself leave before he was late. And there was no need to pull on the bottom of his sweater so much. It was made to cling and it looked fine wherever it settled. The weather didn't exactly call for a sweater, but it was thin, comforting, and looked nice over his white and navy striped shirt. Touya just needed to stop fussing so much. He had to believe that everything was going to turn out fine. Because if things didn't, he only had himself to blame for inviting Jin out to eat in the first place.
No, no blaming. Inviting Jin out to dinner was not a mistake, no matter how things were going to turn out. Touya had to have faith. All of this was a show of good faith. That he did wish to be friends and he wanted to open up, despite his communication barriers.
Touya arrived at the diner first, but Jin came along a few minutes later. As Jin walked up to him, Touya couldn't help but smile, even as he felt nervous flutters flare up in his stomach. It was mostly a good kind of anxious feeling. Excitement, that was the word. It had been so long Touya had forgotten that not all nervousness meant that he was being backed into a corner.
Jin looked nice in a varsity jacket over a plain t-shirt and light blue jeans—not that he had ever seen Jin wear anything that didn't look good on him. His hair was pulled back into a low ponytail bob. Touya wanted to compliment him. If he said anything at all, it would've meant everything to Jin. Touya quickly looked away before he was caught just staring at him.
"How are ye? Hope you weren't waiting too long."
Touya shook his head no.
The diner was full, as expected around dinnertime, but there were only two people waiting ahead of them. It didn't occur to Touya until now that two seats far from each other could open up at the counter. Diners like this made their money through quick seating turnover. Lingering at a table to chat after eating wasn't exactly polite behavior. He probably should have asked Jin to dinner at a cafe, any cafe. He really hadn't planned this out very well.
It was fine. He was doing fine. Everything was going to turn out all right. When their turn came, Touya followed Jin to an open table in the back.
"Hi, Jin! Be right with you," Keiko called as she quickly passed by them carrying a serving tray with several orders.
"Take your time," Jin replied. "We're not in any rush, are we?" Looking over his shoulder at him, Jin flashed Touya a wink.
Touya shook his head in agreement, not knowing how else to answer.
They sat down in a small table with booth seating. Reaching their table suddenly made going out to dinner a real thing that was happening. Mid-leap off the cliff was not the time to reconsider his choices, but there Touya was. Maybe there was a smaller step he could have taken. Did he ask too much of himself too soon?
"Oh Touya! Good evening," Keiko said, drawing Touya out of his sinking thoughts, as she handed the two of them each a menu.
"Evening, Keiko," he managed to say. Which was how most of their conversations went, outside of work-related matters.
"Is this your first time here?" Keiko asked. Her apron had Yusuke's name on it. Touya had never known that Yusuke had worked at the Yukimura's diner, though what little he knew of him had all came from Keiko.
Touya shook his head no. If he didn't start opening up and talking more, his responses were going to get repetitive very quickly.
Jin ordered a large bowl of ramen with thick noodles, and Touya said that he would have the same. Immediately, he thought that he should have ordered something else or altered his order a little. Was it strange to order the same thing? It was what he was going to order in the first place. It was what he always ordered.
And then it was just the two of them. Jin flashed him a tiny, reassuring smile. Touya flattened his hands against his jeans. He had mentally prepared last night for this. But imagining conversations was very different from being face to face. Touya gazed down at his phone laying face down on the table.
No. Much as he wanted to grab his phone, Touya had to start talking to Jin. Even if all he managed was a few words, he had make a start. Even one-word responses was better than nothing. He could build up to more and more as time went on. He was capable of talking to Jin. Texting was communication. Jin wasn't going to up and leave just because he said something foolish or stumbled over his words.
Maybe if he was just honest and said what he was feeling, that would help. "Sorry, I'm nervous," Touya muttered.
It was a wonder that Jin had heard him. "Hadn't noticed at all," he said cheerfully. "Take your time."
Touya didn't understand why Jin was so patient with him. It baffled him how much of his social flaws he was willing to put up with. Not a lot of people were like Jin.
Realizing that he was tapping a tune on the table, Jin slipped his hands under the table."I'm nervous myself. All keyed up with jitters, I am, barely able to keep myself still, so you see. It was a mighty shock when you invited me out last night. Your text came swooping in and whopped me right in the face, but in a good way," Jin said, quickly adding the last bit. "That doesn't make a lick a sense, does it?" He laughed as he rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.
Touya stared, wide-eyed. He didn't know what to say. Jin didn't seem like the kind of person that got nervous in social situations, and yet he was. And he was nervous talking to him, of all people. A smile broke out across Touya's face, and not long after, his laughter joined Jin's. It was such a relief, and Touya wasn't sure why. The tension in his shoulders and back he had been holding onto eased up.
Touya took a deep breath. It was nice to be reminded that other people are just as nervous as he was. Yes, this dinner gathering was starting off a tad awkward, but everything was fine and under control. Touya just really wanted everything to go well.
"I like those earrings. I'd have my ears pierced too, I would, if they weren't so funny-looking already. Give folks something else to stare at, I suppose." Jin's light chuckle tapered off into a nostalgic sigh. "Sharks were biting your ears the first time I saw you."
"Oh, those…" Touya's cheeks warmed. "They were a whim." He had bought them because they had made him smile. He felt a bit embarrassed that Jin had noticed those silly sharks, of all things. Touya liked them, but they were childish. They really didn't suit him, and yet he didn't want to part with them.
He should say something to Jin. Anything. Now might be a good time to compliment him back. He could ask him a question about himself. Touya did know some things about him from past texts and their yes-no games. His stress levels were rising. Every question that came to mind sounded pathetic or silly.
"You...work out?" He had barely strung together a question, but at least it was a coherent one. Mostly.
"Aye, so you've noticed," Jin said with a grin.
Was he flirting with him? It seemed like it, though Touya's only frame of reference was scenes from romance books and films. It felt like flirting enough to make him look down to hide the deepening blush on his face. Because yes, he had noticed Jin's physique. Every time they were face to face he noticed his physique. Jin had an attractive physique.
"I fancy that you're a swimmer yourself," Jin said. Touya shook his head no. "A runner, ya are then."
As it turned out, they went to the same gym, though they hadn't seen each other there. In the warmer months, Touya preferred running outside than on a treadmill. Sometimes he was only at the gym two or three days a week, depending on his shift schedule and good weather. Jin commented that they should go to the gym together after work sometime, and Touya nodded in agreement. He wasn't sure if he would take him up on his idea, but he would be up for a run outdoors, perhaps around the park a few laps.
Their ramen arrived quickly. It looked amazing and smelled even better. It had been a while since the last time Touya had came to Yukimura Diner for a meal, so this was a real treat, and with good company too. Cup noodles didn't compare to Mr. Yukimura's cooking.
"Before we dig in, how about a quick pic?" Jin suggested as he reached for his phone in his jacket pocket.
Mistakenly thinking that Jin was referring to taking pictures of their meal, Touya reached for his phone as Jin joined him on his side of the table. Honestly, he was a tad in awe of how quickly and effortlessly Jin had slid into the booth and wrapped his arm around his shoulders. Touya guessed that they were doing this. He followed Jin's lead and leaned in closer to him. He caught the clean scent of his cologne cutting through the wafting, savory steam of their ramen. Jin always smelled so nice—was it weird to notice things like that? Probably.
"We got two happy faces in it?" Jin said, steadying his phone. "Right, so."
Jin showed him the picture afterward. He had made an effort to smile, he really had, but his smile still looked small and muted. Then again, he supposed that anyone's smile was not going to look as big and cheerful next to Jin's.
"A pair of sharp devils," Jin remarked, back on his side of the table and still looking at the photo.
Touya muttered something in agreement. He didn't feel bold enough to admit that they looked good together. Two happy, handsome fellows. His phone pinged. Touya checked the text message. Jin had sent him a copy of the picture they had just taken. Touya thanked him and saved it to his album.
They dug into their food and didn't really say much for a time. A few nods, slurps, and happy hums spoke all that was needed to be spoken and said that the ramen was delicious. Touya appreciated the time to reflect as he focused on the warmth and savoriness of the soy sauce-based broth. So far, he was not the social trainwreck that he typically was. Finally, he was speaking to Jin. More than he expected to boot. Jin was providing most of the conversation, but Touya was certain that would have been the case even if he didn't have issues speaking to other people. But Touya was trying his darnedest to keep their chat more than one-sided.
"Said it already, I have, but I wanna say it again: I'm glad you asked me out to dinner," Jin said.
"It was the least I could do," Touya said. "I've been a lot of trouble."
Jin uttered a snort and grinned. "You're the best kind of trouble."
Touya peered up. "What kind is that?"
Jin's expression was warm and beaming. "The kind that's worth sticking around for."
Touya didn't know what to say to that. What was he supposed to say to that? Hiding the red on his cheeks, he looked down into his ramen bowl and idly stirred his remaining noodles in the broth for much too long, slowly gathering them around the end of his chopsticks.
"...This is my thank-you. For saving me."
"You've given me plenty enough thanks already. When's it my turn to be grateful?" Jin said, cheerily. "How about this? I pay for yours. You pay for mine. That way it's both our treat."
"I'm not sure that's how it works."
"Sure, it does," Jin assured as he picked up his bowl and then finished off the rest of his broth and noodles.
As long as his gratitude to Jin was repaid, he supposed he could go along with Jin's suggestion. Touya didn't think he was going to convince him any other way anyway.
-o-
After paying for each other's food, Touya realized that he was wading into some uncharted waters. He had focused so much on making a good impression and imagining small talk that he hadn't ran through an after dinner scenario in his mental roleplay. He wasn't going to lie, Touya was nervous, but he wasn't ready to say goodnight to Jin either. He was not sure what the plan was. They left the diner together and headed on down the street. Neither one of them knew where they were walking to.
"You'd be surprised to learn that this voice carries a fair tune. May not sound like it, but I do," Jin said, a measure of pride in his voice. They paused at a crosswalk. The light across the street was still commanding everyone not to walk. Jin started singing, "Hey, hey, fly away with the whirlwind. Why don't you set off in search of your dreams? You've got to go farther…"
Jin wasn't wrong. He had lovely voice—actually, singing or not, his voice was a delight to listen to, in Touya's opinion. His song was like him: positive and bouncy. Touya wished that his snippet hadn't been so short, but he understood why. Passersby were staring at him, and a few folks waiting at the crosswalk around them shuffled off to the right. Touya clapped for him. No one else did.
"Thank ye, thank ye," Jin said, taking a few small, short bows. "Wrote it myself, tune and all."
"That's amazing," Touya said and meant it.
"What about you? I'm sure you have a fine singing voice," Jin said, as the light changed and they crossed the street.
"I'm more of a listener." Singing was something he had never done much of. If he had a good voice, it was out of practice and rarely used.
"Aye, aye, I hear ya." Jin slipped his hands into his pockets. "But some day we're going to karaoke."
Touya wasn't so sure. His frown stretched out into a thin line. Him in the spotlight? Was it going to be the two of them or a room of Jin's friends? He was not going to dare to ask Kurama to join him for moral support. Touya didn't even know if Kurama could sing.
"You and me, a duet?" Jin asked, a hopeful look on his face.
A duet might not be so bad… All the focus in the room wasn't going to be just on him, and he could just sing a little quieter than Jin if he sounded off. He kinda liked the idea, especially if their voices harmonized well. "Sure," Touya replied, nodding for emphasis.
"That's the spirit!" Jin said, clapping his hand on Touya's shoulder and keeping it there.
Touya had never felt this way before—so lighthearted, so unburdened. Kurama's advice was right, after all. It wasn't possible that there was anything wrong at the heart of the matter with feelings like this. Maybe he had been too quick to decide that things wouldn't work out between them. He wanted to keep trying. He was going to keep trying.
Maybe one day his smile was going to be just as big and bright as Jin's in every photo they took.
