THE FOLLOWING IS A FAN BASED PARODY.

I OWN NOTHING ABOUT EITHER OF THESE PROPERTIES.

THEY ARE BOTH OWNED BY THEIR RESPECTIVE OWNERS.

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-Hong Kong-

When looking back on his time of service, from the inner colony rebellions to the covenant war, to the battle against the flood, there was one thing above all else that John-117, the master chief, the savior of humanity, didn't fully appreciate until this moment.

Facilities that were built for Spartans

That is, facilities built for people as large as a Spartan.

"I guess this is one of those moments where you look back on all of those technological commodities you always took for granted and only now realize just how much they meant to you, isn't it?" Cortana asked smugly, her projection looking bemusedly from his empty armor as John stood tall in a shower designed for normal sized men.

"..." John simply looked blankly ahead, not quite finding the sight as amusing as his companion. Surely a 21st-century hotel would have facilities similar to a UNSC Vessel, but it seemed this particular establishment choose luxury over function.

He could feel Cortana's smile drilling into the back of his still bone-dry head and shoulders.

"Now, tell me that water doesn't feel good for you," The AI continued, this time sincere. "After all that time you spent in cryostasis, I think a nice hot bath surely does wonders for the human body."

"How would you know that?"

"Just let a girl live vicariously through you for a minute will you"

"I really don't see why it's necessary," The Spartan replied,

"Chief, how long were you in that suit, exactly?" She asked rhetorically. "Don't answer that, because I already know the answer. I don't care if the armor absorbs moisture, you stink! You need to clean yourself for both our sakes, It's just basic decency, I may not have a nose, but I can feel the smell off of you"

"I don't think that's how smell works."

"I want to hear less back talk and see more washing coming out of you."

John begrudgingly listened to his partner, but he still wished he could just bath in a shower he could fit in. He ducked his head low, his entire body hidden from view for the first time as the hot water cascaded over his head. He never thought he would miss the military-style showers he would occasionally use during the war, but what they lacked in crystal glass and gold gilded ivory of the hotels most expensive five-star suit, he could at least stand up in them and not have to worry about breaking the ornate shower when he moved one of his limbs.

"Don't forget to get behind your ears!" The AI said, her enjoyment at the sight evident from the tone of her voice. It was her idea to choose this particular hotel, making the arrangements for their entry into the city while they traveled on foot from the Ancient city of Tyrion to the "Modern" city of Hong Kong. Knowing full well that money wasn't an option, as well as wanting the newest member of the time travelers' strange little group to experience nothing but the best that the world had to offer, Cortana had taken it upon herself to select the best hotel the city had to offer as their new temporary base of operations.

And while it lacked the solitude John would have preferred or even demanded, his A.I. companion assured him that the cover story of a businessman traveling the globe with his daughter would be far easier to explain than a giant crazy man with an arsenal of weapons living in a secluded warehouse alone with what appeared to be a teenaged girl with no forms of identification.

"You'd be on every news station by the 6 o'clock if you tried something like that." She had said when he mentioned it, in the tone she uses exclusively when she didn't want to explain the many nuanced reasons she had for him not to do something.

But despite the hotel's reputation, it seemed that they never bothered to make amenities for individuals of his...dimensions.

Despite his stoic nature, his longtime companion was able to read his expression like a book, and like she always seemed to, managed to find the right words to melt whatever frustration he was feeling.

"At least our new friend enjoyed herself." The A.I said, referring to the newest member of their now three-man team. The girl at first had trouble operating the ornate shower without assistance, nearly falling over onto the floor when a stream of cold water struck her on the top of her head. But she adapted quickly enough after John had shown her how the bathroom appliance worked and then continued to spend well over an hour enjoying what might have well been her very first shower.

"Enjoyed it more than he was anyway." John thought to himself, as his elbow bashed against the pearl-encrusted shower wall as he moved to lather soap across his chest.

"Speaking of which, we really need to come up with an identity for the poor girl, we can't just refer to her as just the "girl" if you are ever going to be seen with her in the general population."

"Who said anything about being in the "general population" together?"

"We're not just going to keep her locked up in her room this whole time," Cortana said, virtual hands planted on her virtual hips as she raised a virtual eyebrow at her non-virtual partner." I expect you use this time afforded to you to take that young lady on her first true experience with the outside world and try not to get into a street fight like last time. You need to be a good example for the young lady, you know how kids are these days."

"...I don't know that"

"Neither do I, but I'm sure it's not that good," Cortana said, before bringing up a holographic map of the city of Hong Kong, with several key locations marked down. If he was right about the distance between the marked locations, the population density of the city, the average walking speed of the city's average citizen, this little "outing" that Cortana had thought up of would take all day.

"Fantastic." he thought with a sigh, remembering his less than pleasant experience several days prior on the streets of Las Vegas.

"Now, I know you could think of a thousand things you'd rather be doing right now, but just think of what this is going to need for that girl in there."

"I hear you," John said, as he continued scrubbing himself of the sweat and grime on his skin until it was pink and clean. As a soldier, he was almost always either training or on duty, with little time for leisure or relaxation. Now he was about to accompany a child who knew as little of the civilian world as he did, playing babysitter while there were important things for him to do.

He knew he should be out there trying to get back home, or at least stopping this Donovan character from causing more damage than he already has. Doing anything else made him feel utterly useless. And yet, despite that, his feeling of uselessness wasn't the biggest thing that bothered him.

"It feels strange," The Spartan commented.

"What's strange?" Cortana asked curiously.

"The forerunner facility underneath the city, how could they have even found earth to begin with?"

"I've been thinking the same thing actually," She shrugged, "For what I can tell, we may not have actually gone back in time, but actually traveled to an alternate dimension. It might explain the different history this planet has, and it certainly explains how the hell the Forerunners managed to build an underground facility on this earth."

"I didn't think that was even possible."

"That's the thing about hypothetical Quantum mechanics." The A.I started, "You're never quite sure what is possible and what isn't possible until you know everything about everything in the universe, and while you know how quick I am to toot my own horn from time to time."

"You're the most humble person, I've ever known."

"You always know what to say to a girl. But like I was saying, not even I know everything," Cortana said, the look on her face showing that she was internally going through hundreds of possible hypotheses on how they managed to find themselves in their current situation. But like so many times since their partnership began it was John who shook her out of some of her more intellectual practices with nothing more than a single blunt pragmatic response.

"How the forerunners managed to get here isn't important right now, what they were doing here is, when are we going to figure out just what that facility was for?"

Now that's going to take me a while." The smart AI said, bringing up a holographic screen filled with what John could only see as line after line incomprehensible figures. "I don't know what it is about the facility we found but the information I downloaded was encrypted beyond anything I've ever seen before, not even the Halo rings were as protected as this. Whatever they were doing down there, it must have been important."

"How long do you figure?"

"Who knows? A few hours, a couple of days? it depends on a few different factors. Buthat'sts not important right now, You have a job to do, And that is to Just relax and enjoy the peace and quiet while we can. For once, we've got no Covenant, no Flood, no Forerunner super-weapons..."

"At least not yet," The Spartan retorted.

"Oh, for crying out loud, you're just being paranoid. If they were here, do you think they'd have just let us mosey on down to the planet like we did?"

"It never hurts to be cautious."

Cortana looked at him incredulously, tilting her head. "After all we had to go through; you know, saving humanity a dozen times over plus all sentient life in the galaxy twice, destroying the Flood once and for all, making peace with the elites, and frankly all the other lovely craziness we got out of, you can't even think you might deserve a little bit of R-and-R?" Cortana said, putting an emphasis on the word "little" as she spoke.

"I didn't know you considered being transported into an alternate reality as a "bit of R-and-R."

"Well it's the closest to a vacation we'll ever get with a chronic workaholic like you."

To that, John had no counter-argument, so he stayed quiet.

When Cortana spoke again, her voice was softer. "You've been fighting for so long... can't you realize you might not have to fight anymore?"

"..." He turned to face her. Cortana seemed fine now, but he knew what happened to smart AIs after a set number of years. And with what the Grave mind put her through, with all the information she had gathered over the years... "I have to find Dr. Halsey. She can-"

"Don't make a girl a promise you know you can't keep," She said with a resigned tone, her eyes sad. "Just... relax for a while. That girl over there" the A.I said pointing to the door leading to the large living area of the hotel suite." She needs you. You might be the only person on this planet that knows what she is going through. Promise me you'll at least try to relax for her sake."

For a moment, there was an obvious, painful silence between the two, like a gaping wound bleeding for all to see. Then, the sound of water stopped as John stepped out of the tub, the floor groaning from his three hundred plus pound frame, before looking towards his long-time companion and sighed to himself before giving in to Cortana's request."...I promise."

To that, her lips formed a melancholic smile, but he could also see hope in her eyes.

Because when John made a promise, he kept it.


-Hong Kong, three hours later-

Christie stifled another yawn as she stared dead-eyed at the man in front of her. For what had to be the tenth time that very day, Christie contemplated simply standing up and leaving the table, Donovan be damned, and jumping on the first available plane to the closest tropical beach she could find.

But, she had never reneged on a contract before, and for the life of her, Donovan had become one her important long-term clients. So for the tenth time that very day, she forced that thought away as she listened to the men before her drowning on and on about...what was he talking about again?

"I'm sorry." She spoke, her smooth London accent contrasting the southern drawl of the man seated several seats to the right of her. "Could you repeat that? I didn't quite catch that last bit."

The man and she certainly used that term as loosely as she could, bristled at the remark, clearly not used to being spoken to in such a manner, especially by a woman. Which was easy for Christie to see, considering he seemed like the type of man who rarely spoke to a woman who he wasn't paying to pretend to find him interesting.

The man to her immediate right was not a man Christie would call handsome. In fact, she would go so far as to say he looked more like a mummified corpse than a living breathing person. His skin was tight and wrinkle free, not from his youth and vigor, but from copious amounts of plastic surgery, making his face look more like a cheaply made Halloween mask then something that belonged on a human face.

He forced a smile onto his face, his bleached white teeth contrasting terribly with his almost leather tanned face. Honestly, he looked more like a Sunday morning televangelist than a businessman.

Like there was a difference

Thankfully for her, she didn't have to hear the dull voice of the leather-skinned "man" any longer, as one of his partners spoke up.

"The most recent reports are only a few hours old, but nearly 90 percent of the ground forces Mr. Bolton has so graciously loaned out to your employer, for free I might add, is to be considered Killed in action." the fat little man to her left paused, before looking to his boss for clarification. How the fat weasel could read the expressionless mask on the man in front of her was anyone's guess.

"Mr. Bolton is most concerned with this particular outcome, as the men deployed into Tyrion made up of nearly 25 percent of his ground forces in the region,"

Christie had to admit to herself, that the man had reason to be pissed at Donovan, more so than most, and that was certainly saying allot.

She had first heard the details of Donovan's failure, ironically enough, from Donovan himself. He rarely ever deligated to her directly when on a job, delegating most of the responsibilities through one of many agents if he needed to contact her. Which suited her just fine, she hated whenever Donovan tried to micromanage her on her jobs, like she was as foolish as that of his. But while it was a bit of a surprise to receive his phone call only a few hours after arriving for the meeting, he didn't tell her much. Only stating that events that were beyond his control have forced his hand and that her contract now included much more work that needed to be done on her part. What surprised her though was how unforthcoming and almost outright hostile the man became when pressed about the reasons behind the change.

Then she saw the news reports.

It seemed that almost overnight nearly every Black Castle security officer loaned out for Donovan's personal use was killed, in ways even she would think were overkill. But it didn't stop there, besides the body count of well over three hundred dead soldiers, the bad publicity continued as hundreds of civilians had come forward since that night of war crimes committed by members of the private security force.

Assaults, thefts, rapes, murders, destruction of ancient artifacts and landmarks. The reports had dominated the global news cycle for the past few days as stocks for Bolton's company were in literal freefall, as shareholders tried desperately to keep their distance from the poisoned brand. Donovan included it seemed.

Which is why, know that she thought about it, was why she was here in the first place.

She was originally tasked by Donovan to attend to this meeting to ensure Bolton's loyalty, to play the role of the pretty face that nodded and smiled and agreed with everything the man would say in the hopes of getting Donovan even more of the man's mercenaries then what he already had for whatever crazy idea in his head. She was to be on her best behavior, Bolton and his underlings were much too important to his plans for Donovan to allow any disrespect towards them.

That was the plan three days ago anyway.

But in the course of those three days, whatever her employer was planning had blown up in his face, like an inexperienced schoolboy onto the face of his disappointed prom date. With his son missing, the whole of the Tairon operation in shambles, and whatever manpower or influence he may have held in the region gone, Donovan had gone into what she would refer to a nervous breakdown if it was directed towards a man who didn't sign her paycheck. And while the whole episode may have been entertaining and somewhat cathartic for her to watch, it had the added side effect of making her job that much harder.

Well, not harder in the sense that it was going to be difficult for her to accomplish her task. More like "harder" in the sense that she actually had to do something besides smile and look attractive while charging room service to her boss. Eliminate whatever paper trail that connected Donovan and M.I.S.T to what the news reports were calling "The Tairon Massacre."

Which was why she was here, being forced to listen to these men ramble on and on until she saw her moment to strike.

"Hundreds of individual life insurance payouts to next of kin, recruiting fees to make up for the loss in manpower, business contracts in mid-negotiations dropped without a word as to why, our very reputation in complete and utter shambles!" the rotund little man said, the very action causing him to overheat and redden as his many chins began to shake, like the world's worst wind chime."During the course of less than a week, your employer has cost this organization tens of millions of dollars in lost capital, and hundreds of millions of dollars of potential revenue!"

"Not to mention the Loss of face to the world stage. Black Castle has become a laughing stock! The punchline to jokes made by mindless vloggers on social media and late-night talk show hosts!" a short, thin wisp of a man who looked so frail and weak that a strong enough breeze would stagger him said, before the first man interrupted him, his thick accent making it harder for Christie to understand him than his previous companions.

"but he is more concerned by the fact that your employer, a man who Mr. Bolton has put his faith in doesn't view such a loss as important enough to meet with face to face, and instead sends... a proxy."

"Come now boys, I'm sure Mr. Bolton." Christie said as she stared straight ahead to the man in question "Is an adult, if he has something to say about the business arrangements he has with Mr. Donovan, he can speak for himself."

The man barely flinched from her stare, his small light blue eyes staring her down with the intensity of a ship captain looking upon an iceberg in the distance. She wasn't impressed, but she could see how the lesser quality of men and women who he interacted with would fear a man like him.

"Leave." the man said eyeing each of his four subordinates at the table. Not one of them stirred from their seats, instead of looking to one another to see who their employer was speaking to.

"All of you," He said again, his flat tone barely raising over a whisper as he stared at the men around him. Each one faltered under his gaze, like children afraid of a particularly vile and mean-spirited schoolyard bully, before they stood up one by one, the fat little man almost falling over himself as he tried to hurry out the door, and left the room.

The last man to leave was the leather-faced man who glared at her with whatever measly authority he thought he had left over her before he shut to thick door closed.

Leaving Christie alone with the "Great" Henry Bolton, and two of his bodyguards.

Henry Bolton was a man, Christie could imagine herself at least pretending to find interesting, at least for a moment. The third son of minor Italian nobles, whose power and privilege had wained over the past few decades from his homeland's political strife since the second world war. He killed his elder brothers to obtain control of the dwindling family fortune to create a business empire that stretched across the globe. A man with just the right amount of ambition, drive, and psychopathy that Donovan enjoyed working with.

The man was responsible for building one of the largest private militaries on the planet in a little over a single generation, despite the fact or maybe because of the fact, that he was by far one of the creepiest men Christie ever had the misfortune of meeting face to face.

And she's meet allot of creeps in her day.

His pale blue eyes were small and looked more like dirty pieces of ice on the head of some ugly snowman than the eyes of a human being. Like a life-size porcelain doll that looked almost like a real person, but still looked unnatural enough for her to believe that his family genes were only allowed to be passed down through the ages because of arranged marriages.

Or, if she had to guess was more likely, from rape.

"I'm curious as to how our mutual friend, "his quiet voice spoke, so low it forced Christie to lean towards him to hear each word he spoke" Will be able to repay this "little favor" of his."

"You know as well as I do that Mr. Donovan doesn't share his plans with those who merely work for him, I'm simply here to reassure you that everything is under control," Christie said, slightly glad at the feel of her favorite blade on her thigh, after seeing how the man was looking at her.

"And yet."

"And yet?" Christie said, feeling much more at ease with a knife to her thought then being stared at by the man in front of her, and feeling the need to shower more and more the more she heard him speak.

"And yet he decides to send a woman such as yourself to act as a messenger," he said in the same whispering voice he spoke with earlier, as he fingered the still full glass of water in his hand. " Excuse me for saying but one does not send someone of your reputation to simply smile and tell a client that everything is going according to plan."

"click"

The sound of a door locking behind her was not the first indication of danger Christie noticed about during the course of this private business meeting, but it was certainly the most brazen. It brought a smile to her face, however, the idea that these men thought for even a moment that they had the upper hand was laughable to her.

"You seem to be far more intelligent than my employer gives you credit for." She said as she raised her glass of bourbon in a mock toast "Is that one of the reasons why you have that berretta tucked under your desk?"

The surprised look on his face appeared for only a moment, but it was enough for her to know that she had unnerved him, and if she was already in his head then the battle was won before it had even started.

"Darling, there's no need to be so coy about it. You'd be a fool if you didn't plan ahead, I take it as a compliment." Christie said, finishing her drink with one last gulp, the rich liquor burning her throat.

Christie sat silently, the same smile playing on her lips, as she stared into the still emotionless eyes of the man in front of her, almost daring him to make a move towards her. Before the sound of approaching, footsteps broke through the silence, as both of the black suit-clad bodyguards rushed her from behind.

She couldn't help but smile to herself, it was almost like they wanted to die.

Her hands moved in a blur of motion, smashing the now empty glass across the face of the closest armed guard, splitting his face wide open before raising her body off her chair and delivering a push kick directly into the stomach of the other armed guard, following up with a precise strike to the man's throat, crushing his windpipe before sending him sprawling onto the floor with a low leg sweep.

She blocked a wild punch from the dazed bodyguard with the slashed face, ducking beneath the outstretched arm and delivering several vicious strikes to the mans exposed right side, bludgeoning the man's liver, before throwing the now quivering body of the useless man to the ground, before turning to face the boss of the men she just dispatched.

Just in time to see the barrel of the black Italian made handgun aimed directly at her.

It was times like this when a less experienced person would panic, but this wasn't the first time a gun was aimed at her, and it certainly wouldn't be the last time.

She kicked the ornate table, pushing it forward and slamming it against the man hard into his pelvis, with enough force of stagger the older man and force him to drop the gun. Before the "Abominable" Mr. Bolton even knew what was happening to him, Christie was already upon him, wrapping her long arms around his neck tightly. He struggled but it didn't help, as Christie squeezed tighter, like a boa constrictor choking tighter and tighter onto its prey.

He twitched and fought, like a fish thrown onto dry land, clawing at his own throat with enough force and fervor that he would have drawn blood if Christie wasn't as careful as she was. Each breath he took became more panicked and ragged, as Christie unsheathed the blade hidden against her thigh, slicing the flesh of man's neck from ear to ear.

He pushed his palms against his neck wound to keep the blood from spilling forth, but to no avail as his killer stood up from his prone figure. Christie wiped the blade of the crimson liquid before sheathing the blade once again before grabbing the discarded gun as she did so.

She watched as her employer's now ex-business partner stared up at her in horror as he slowly bleeds to death. She couldn't stay here for much longer; Bolton's men would be here momentarily and she still had more men on Donovan's "List" she needed to pay a "visit".

"The things a girl has to do to get ahead in life," The hitwoman said, stepping over the battered and soon to be dead bodyguards, all the while thinking of the warm beach and cold drinks that awaited her after the business with Donovan was done.


Yeah, I think the whole "make the chapters shorter, so I don't become intimidated by the size of each chapter" thing is really working out well for me.

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