THE FOLLOWING IS A FAN BASED PARODY.

I OWN NOTHING ABOUT EITHER OF THESE PROPERTIES.

THEY ARE BOTH OWNED BY THEIR RESPECTIVE OWNERS.

PLEASE SUPPORT THE OFFICIAL RELEASE


It was moments like these when John missed the flood.

On a purely intellectual level, he knew that was an exaggeration. That no matter how uncomfortable this situation made him feel, and no matter how he wished he was anywhere but here, that it wasn't anywhere near as bad nor was it nearly as dangerous as dealing with the galactic threat of the parasitic alien life form. Objectively speaking at least.

But on a purely subjective standpoint? This was worse.

"How about this one?" The girl said, almost bouncing out of the dressing room in her latest outfit choice, a simple pair of denim jeans adorned with a slight green shirt and darker green vest didn't seem like the type of clothing choice that would be enough to garner as much excitement as it did but he seemed to be missing something, if the smile radiating from the girls face was any indication, so he decided to go along with it.

"It looks very nice," John said simply, his tone unchanged since her first outfit choice nearly an hour ago.

"What do you think about this one?" she asked again a few moments later, her excitement still as palpable as it was when she first entered the clear glass doors of the high-end boutique. Her deep red skirt matched well with her hair, or it did to Johns admittedly untrained eyes, and the simple white blouse seemed to get a round of applause from the "small" audience the shopping trip had attracted.

"It looks good," John said, his opinion getting several nods of agreement from many of the boutique's employees.

"And this one?" The pink sundress, so far anyway, was the most logical article of clothing she chose to try on in regards to the current climate they found themselves in. The floral pattern seemed to be a recurring motif John noticed, as most of her chosen outfits seemed to correspond with either flowers or nature.

"That one too," John said pushing the observation to the back of his mind to ask Cortana about later on.

If it was possible, the girl seemed to smile even brighter than before at him as she went back into the dressing booth. For someone who had never experienced the outside world before, she certainly found herself adapting to it quickly enough.

More quickly than he had at the very least.

John stood silently within the sea of onlookers waiting for the girl to reappear from the dressing room. The crowd had steadily increased with each passing outfit, many of the more vocal onlookers shouted words of encouragement at his young companion, while several of the staff gave her words of advice and tips on what colors would look best on her complexion.

Which seemed to be anything and everything the teenager tried on if the reactions she received from the other women were any indication.

"Excuse me sir." a small feminine voice broke John out of his thoughts as he was approached by an equally small middle-aged woman. She wasn't even five feet tall and somewhat plump, with a round face framed by dark hair tied up high in a bun.

The boutiques manager had introduced herself, as was her custom, to all the exclusive customers who entered her store, and while she may have shown some trepidation when looking at the rags his young companion wore as she entered, she certainly warmed when she spoke with him and saw the sight on the black bank card Cortana had handed him.

The moment she saw the balance on that tiny piece of plastic, she became far more accommodating to their situation.

"Ma'am" John answered his deep voice bouncing off the high ceiling of the building, making his words audible to everyone in the store.

"I do hope you found everything you were looking for," she said, her English surprisingly well as she eyed the ever-growing pile of clothing collecting outside the dressing room. She had a calculating look on her face, reminding John slightly of a few O.N.I operatives he had met, adding unseen and unspoken numbers together in her head as she spoke to him.

"She has." John said, directing his head to the still occupied dressing room as he noticed more people, more women to be more precise enter the boutique and join the throng that Cortana's "little outing" had attracted. He supposed it made some sense as to why there were so much more women then there were men in an establishment that catered to women, but it certainly didn't explain why he was the one getting most of the attention. He felt similar to when he was forced to purchase civilian clothing while in Las Vegas. Dozens of pairs of eyes staring at him while whispered conversations danced around him.

After every outfit the girl tried on, he could feel the attention slowly drift back to him. Was it just a normal part for civilians to shop like this? If it was, he felt completely justified in his low opinion on the activity.

"I'm glad to hear it, I was just curious as to which articles are suited to your needs for purchase." She said, her voice gaining a strange quality and tone that John couldn't exactly place, but knew he didn't like it.

John was confused for a moment. He assumed, rightfully in his opinion that he would be purchasing every article of clothing the girl had tried on. It certainly didn't make much sense to him to spend well over an hour trying on different sets of clothing, only to purchase a small percentage of them.

Once again if that was what was considered "normal" for civilian shopping trips then he felt completely justified in his low opinion on the activity.

"We'll be taking them all."

The room became still. The light conversation that had sprung up around the store's employees and the throng of customers stopped as sudden as a Grunt Calvary charge during the covenant war.

The sparse number of men in attendance looked at him in stunned silence, nervously looking between him and the women who dragged them here. The women, on the other hand, looked at him in awe, shock, and equal amounts of jealousy. Reactions he would be lying about if he said he was not accustomed to generating during the war, but reactions he was still not fully comfortable seeing. He even saw some of the women around him even turning jealous stares at the door to the occupied dressing room, but for what reason he couldn't be sure.

Maybe they wanted to purchase one of the girl's new outfits for themselves?

The woman in charge of the store took his answer in stride but still seemed to float away towards the register, still clutching the pure black credit card Cortona had given John like it was a life preserver. And with a look on her face, John had never seen on a person, civilian or otherwise, before.

John watched her leave, becoming more and more uncomfortable with the increasing attention placed on his person as more and more people, enticed by the now massive crowd that had filled the inside and outside of the shop, entered the boutique.

John stood silently as he waited for the girl to make her appearance yet again, silently missing staring down brute chieftains and Hunters as he did.


Not for the first time since arriving in Hong Kong, Kasumi began to regret her decision in choosing the kung fu fighter as her confidant.

Despite the situation they found themselves in, chasing down a world-class killer all the while staying out of the direct line of sight of dozens upon dozens of armed bodyguards and mercenaries, and despite doing all this in the middle of the day surrounded by civilians and innocent bystanders who could and would certainly become casualties if they made even a single misstep.

Jann Lee was still complaining.

"And why do I have to wear this stupid thing on my face? "Jann Lee grimaced, his frown hidden underneath the mask he wore but evident to anyone with a passing understanding of body language.

Kasumi looked at him like he was a child, despite him being a few years her senior. Mentally trying her best to see just what Lei Feng saw in the man behind her.

"If you want to be known as a wanted criminal in the same city you live in, then be my guest," Kasumi said pointing to the similar face mask she wore, "If you wish not to be caught on camera and questioned by the authorities then I suggest you keep it on," she spoke in the same tone of voice her brother Hayate used to speak to her with as children whenever she would ask a question with an obvious answer. All in all, it felt good to not be on the receiving end of it for once in her life.

Jann Lee huffed, which in Kasumi's experience was the closest Jann Lee ever got to excepting he was wrong about a subject. She stopped herself from visibly celebrating her small victory as she rounded the corner of the hallway to were their target had made herself known.

The statuesque woman darted into one of the rooms the moment the two came into vision, so fast and so abrupt Kasumi couldn't be sure if she had seen them make their approach or not.

But she knew Kasumi thought to herself, she might have even known they were here from the beginning

The feeling only grew, the small pit in her stomach slowly turning into bottomless hole as Kasumi forced herself into the room her target had just entered, only to see the familiar head of white hair staring down at the bloodied face of a rather large man who Kasumi recognized instantly as one of the men Christie had met only several hours before.

And now he's dead.

"Well, well, well, "Christie said, a fake friendly smile plastered on her face as she stared up from the freshly made corpse to the rooms two new occupants." What a surprise! So good to see you, I know it's only been a few months, but it honestly feels like years since I last saw you!"

"Kasumi have you lost weight? You look good." Christie said pointing at the ninja with the gun in her hand, sounding more like a friend catching with someone she hadn't seen in some time, then someone with a gun aimed at someone at the scene of a murder they had committed just a moment prior. Before turning her attention towards Lee, gesturing to the face mask he wore "Jann Lee, is that you?"

Jann Lee stiffened, knowing that the mask did nothing despite Kasumi insistence, to hide his identity. Christie smiled at the reaction, her eyes shining with malice as she did so, "...I like the look, I'm sure Lei Feng will love it"

Jann Lee would have rushed her at that moment, every single ounce of his self-control used up to this point, before feeling Kasumi's strong grip on his shoulder as he began to tense up.

"I'd love to stay and chat luvs but," Christie said checking the time on her watch" I'm on a tight deadline and you two look like your expecting company."

Kasumi and Jann Lee stiffened, expecting Christie to fire the gun in her hand at them, but stood stock still in confusion when the assassin emptied the clip from the gun, effectively turning the weapon into a useless hunk or black iron.

Before they could register the move, Christie once again did something to surprise them.

"AHHHHHHHHH!" Christie screeched, still holding the smoking gun in her hand as she did so. "SOMEONE HELP ME!"

Kasumi and Jann Lee looked to one another, each far too stunned at what they had just seen and heard to even react. The deadly hitwoman Christie, the same women who had a body count longer than their arms, the same woman who just gunned down a man in front of them had screamed.

Not shouted in surprise.

Not grunted in pain.

But screamed.

High pitched and grating, like a child whose night light had been shut off in the middle of the night. Or a housewife from some fifties era sitcom who had seen a mouse scurry past her feet. It was... uncanny to say the least, and downright unsettling to hear the hardened killer in front of them sound so frightened and vulnerable.

"Catch," Christie said, her voice regaining her normal tone, as she tossed the now clipless pistol into the air towards them. Jann Lee's body, as if moving on instinct raised his arm, catching the empty gun into his hand.

For a single second, no one made a sound.

Kasumi stared at her companion, as the confusion on his face slowly turned to one of realization. He looked down at the gun in his hands than to the still shocked face of Kasumi, then back to the gun, then at the smiling face of Christie, then back to the gun for one last final time.

"Oh shi..."

Before he could finish his thought, the door busted open, almost taking the door off its hinges. A dozen men wearing identical black suits and armed with identical black handguns, filled the room, as they surveyed the scene before them.

"Help!" Christie screamed, her voice as load and as frightened as it was a moment ago, pointing to the form of Jann Lee with the now empty gun in his hands. "You have to save me!"

The men to their credit were quick to react, and in the blink of an eye, all twelve men had their guns pointed at Jann Lee, shouting at him to comply to their commands and surrender.

"Now wait a second." Jann Lee said, his voice rising in volume at the accusation, looking at Christie with death in his eyes as he did.

Which didn't exactly help his defense when it came to the armed men.

"Sir," the lead man said, gun aimed at Jann Lees head." Put the gun down and no one else has to get hurt."

"You guys have it all wrong." Jann Lee tried to say, his voice muffled by the face mask Kasumi forced him to wear. "It's her, she's the one you're after!"

"Sir, I repeat, put the gun down and put your hands on your head." The man didn't listen as he stepped closer. Far too close for Jann Lees comfort.

"If you take another step and I'll do something we're both gonna regret in the morning buddy." Jann Lee threatened, certainly not taking having a gun pointed at him lightly. The death glare increasing at the sight of Christie sauntering out of the room with a wave and a smile.

"Drop the gun now or else!" the man shouted again, so close to the Jeet Kune Do fighter he could smell the man's cheap aftershave, as he continued to shout orders at him.

Jane Lee didn't budge an inch, only staring at the man for a second, before smirking.

"Don't do it..." Kasumi started, pleading with Jann Lee not to do whatever he was planning on doing, but it was too late. With a wide smile filled with both contempt and excitement, Jann Lee dropped the gun to the ground, the heavy metal thudding as it hit the hardwood floor. He waited patiently with his hands raised over his head, for the armed man to get closer. Which in retrospect, the bodyguard would decide later on while recovering in his hospital room, was a mistake on his part.

As he took a step forward Jann Lee struck, grabbing the man arm holding the gun, forcing the barrel of the gun away was from his body before delivering a solid elbow strike to man's jaw, following it up with a swift knee to his torso, knocking him unconscious before he even hit the ground.

That was when all hell seemed to break loose inside the hotel suite.

It was the exact moment when the bullets whizzed past Kasumi's head when she immediately regretted her decision in choosing Jann Lee to become her partner on her mission.

Despite the direness of the situation, Kasumi could not help but stare intently at her companion, her cold stare drilling through the Jeet Kun Do master as he tried to salvage whatever respect she had left for him.

"THIS IS NOT MY FAULT!" he said indigently crouching lower to the ground as a bullet whizzed through the section of the overturned ornate table an inch from where his head was. The massive wood table creaked and groaned with each passing moment, Kasumi thanking whatever spirits would listen that the hunk of furniture was made of such high-quality materials or they would have met their ends already.

Kasumi shot her companion a deadpan stare, her lack of visible reaction saying more than any words could.

Jann Lee scoffed, clearly done with explaining himself as he waited for Kasumi to get over it.

The Kunoichi looked over the table during a lull in the shooting, finding that while some men attempted to reload, others moved in to apprehend them. She also noticed that Christie in her confusion had made her escape.

"Cover me," she said hoisted herself off her feet and throwing herself towards the opposite end of the room where the armed men made their entrance and Christie made her exit.

"Someone hurry and get that...!" one man shouted towards his comrades before he was intercepted with a crescent kick to the back of his head by a now motivated Jann Lee, who was fully intending to "cover" Kasumi if it meant he was allowed to cut loose.

He threw a low kick at another man, hitting the inside of his thigh with enough force to send him sprawling onto the floor clutching his leg in pain. He dodged underneath a haymaker from his left before hitting his would-be attacker with a side kick to the chest, sending him flying and knocking the larger man into the ornate table that Jann Lee was under but a moment ago.

Jann Lee caught a punch thrown at him from his right, twisting his arm around upwards before delivering a kick to the man's solar plexus, sapping the breath from his lungs and bringing him to his knees in pain.

Despite the terrible situation, he found himself in, Jann Lee couldn't help but smile. Adrenaline rushed through his body, the blood pumping faster and faster through his veins, his muscles coiled like a spring ready to pounce on anything that looked at him.

Finally! After so long getting teased and forcing himself to hold off from cutting loose he got what he wanted from all this sneaking around and stealth.

He got a fight!

Sure, it wasn't the world-class experience he was promised, but beggars couldn't be choosers in situations like this. Besides these dudes were certainly a step above the normal assortment of drunks and wannabe gangsters he would beat down at his job.

He dodged an overhand punch from his right before delivering a vicious cross to his would-be attackers' ribs, the satisfying sound of cracking bones filling his ears before throwing a roundhouse kick to the man's head, throwing him several feet away and into several of his comrades.

More men flooded the room, replacing their fallen and injured comrades, which only seemed to excite Jann Lee more. Jann Lee smirked and stretched his neck, audible pops filling his ears as he stared at his newest opponents with a smirk.

"Hopefully Kasumi took her time, Jann Lee thought to himself as he stared down the growing mob of enemies." cause I have to make up for lost time"


Technically speaking, Cortana kept her promise about not accompanying them on their day trip.

Which would be her defense if somehow John ever found out that she had been spying on him the whole time while he was on his shopping trip with their newest companion. The last time she left him unattended while he was clothes shopping, he got into a bar fight, so she felt the need to keep an eye out for the big guy. He needed to be on his best behavior and set a good example, besides the fact that she really couldn't help herself.

It wasn't her fault that every video camera and security feed in the city was at her virtual fingertips, it certainly wasn't her fault that every single cell phone within a five-mile radius was acting as makeshift microphones for her to listen in to their conversations. She certainly didn't plan on that, it was all just a strange coincidence that no one, not even she could foresee.

She promised.

And since this was such a strange coincidence it wasn't a surprise when Cortana accidentally eavesdropped on select parts of their, admittedly sparse, conversation.

"Thankfully the fate of the universe didn't require John to have a polite conversation with the flood, or we would have kissed the galaxy goodbye a long time ago."

Despite the one-word answers and sparse conversation, Cortana looked on approvingly as her spartan nearly shut down the high-end store with his presence and certainly gave the owner some form of a heart attack when he decided to purchase most of the stores stock in the single afternoon.

He certainly knew how to make an impact on people, despite his lackluster social skills,

"It might just be a good thing that John had no idea the effect he had on members of the opposite sex, no one man should have all that power, as the saying went," she said to herself as she messaged the hotels front desk, warning them about the very large delivery that they would soon be receiving within the hour, while John continued on to the second phase of Cortana's master plan.

Dinner reservations.

And my oh my did it look expensive.

RyuGin was located on the 101st floor in the tallest building in the city and sported a view almost on equal par with its menu if the thousands of reviews she had just finished perusing were anything to believe. It was one of the finest establishments in the city, apparently, it's Japanese inspired seafood dishes were to die for, with government officials, foreign dignitaries, and celebrities coming from all over the world to partake in its fare.

And from what she could see from her vantage point it deserved whatever praise it received.

Cortana smiled as she watched the almost glowing face of the teenaged girl as she was given first-class treatment befitting a princess by the restaurant staff, looking equal parts mesmerized and confused by their actions.

A strange feeling overcame her as she watched the young girl look over the expansive menu before her, her small form looking smaller whenever she shared a frame with John, who looked more and more confused the longer he stared at the menu in front of him, looking just as confused and, if Cortana was right, rather intimidated by the amount of choice of new types of cuisine as his dinner companion.

They looked like two confused puppies looking towards the other on what to do next.

At least that's what Cortona figured was the reason. Being an artificial construct, she had little to no idea about how humans, genetically modified or otherwise, reacted to situations like these, but she certainly had her theories. And thankfully for her as well as her own sense of scientific curiosity, she had two perfectly willing Guinea pigs to test them out on.

So engrossed in her musings and observations, Cortana barely registered the commotion happening a handful of stories below her. Her eye twitched, a mental tic she must have received from Doctor Halsey, as she watched the events playing out below her.

Cortana sighed, silently raging against the unfairness of it all. Even when her Spartan was miles away and was trying to enjoy a normal day for ONCE IN HIS LIFE, the world had a habit of throwing him straight from the frying pan and into the fire. For a moment she was content to let the strange masked man go about his business, and continue on whatever drunken shenanigans he was a part of, it certainly didn't concern her in the slightest, they weren't obligated to fix every single issue they came across during their stay.

Sure, John would be upset with her for not informing him of potential danger so close to home, but she believed what he was doing was far more important than whatever reason a couple of strange people in masks were doing in the middle of the day. Honestly, that's what the Hong Kong police department was for.

That was until she realized that the situation was far more serious than she originally thought.

"What in the world..."

Especially when she recognized the familiar face of one of the women currently in the midst of the fighting. A face that despite being covered by a mask and perhaps being a tad bit older, was virtually identical to the face of the teenaged girl she had taken such a liking to. A familiar face that was currently involved in what looked like the climax to one of the many martial arts films of early 21st-century cinema.

"of course.." She sighed to herself as she brought up the emergency communication link with her spartan. The very same communication link for emergencies that John was so adamant about having and Cortana was so hesitant on calling. He really wasn't going to let her live this down.

"Chief...we have a situation."


Christie stabbed her hand into the spot where Kasumi's head was a split second before, twisting her body around at the last moment as she lashed out with a whirlwind kick at the younger woman. The kunoichi barely eluded her, jumping over the assassins extended leg to avoid the attack at the last possible moment before impact.

Kasumi struck under her defenses, pushing forward with a punch that almost lifted Christie off the ground, grabbing Christie's leg in a grapple as she moved forward, forcing Christie to take a step backward in order to keep her balance.

"Cheeky brat," Christie thought to herself as she freed her leg from the ninja's grasp, rearing her now freed leg upwards to deliver an ax kick to the top of her opponent's head. Kasumi dodged at the last moment before the kick landed, cracking the hardwood floor of the hotel room floor upon impact.

The teenaged fighter quickly returned to her feet and regarded the English woman with a vicious look as she regained her fighting stance.

"I'm sorry love. But your gonna have to be quicker on the take then that if you want to keep a lady down."

Kasumi didn't respond to the taunt, but the look on her face shifted to one of surprise when she felt something small bump into her foot. A small ball, about the size of a marble, had lazily rolled towards her, lightly bouncing against her booted foot.

Kasumi looked down then looked back up towards the assassin, noticing several of the same metal balls within Christie's hand, getting a smile from the older woman as the answer to her unasked question.

"oh..."

The little bombs went off like firecrackers, completely filling Kasumi's vision with fire and clouding the room in thick black smoke as the explosions rang out all around her. Kasumi rolled over the ground to escape the shrapnel flying towards her from all directions but finding she wasn't fast enough to avoid everything if the sharp pain near her kidneys were any indication.

Despite the ringing in her ears, and the smoke that blurred her vision, she could still hear the British woman's playful laughter as she watched Kasumi dodge and weave through the chaos around her, delighted in the part she had played.

"You didn't think I'd come to a party without any party favors?" Christie pouted like she was reprimanding a small child for doing something naughty," I'm a little disappointed in you, and here I thought you were here to do some big girl work."

Kasumi leaned heavily against the wall, waiting patiently for the explosions around her to die out before making her next move. Christie was far for prepared then Kasumi gave her credit for, and that mistake had cost her the element of surprise she had hoped she would have when confronting Donovan's pet killer.

It seemed she was far more out of practice then she initially realized.

"Why are you even here sweetie? Don't you have school to attend to?" Christie said, her voice sounding bored and uninterested but Kasumi was confident that same smirk was plastered on her face as she spoke to her.

Christie loved to hear herself talk.

"What am I doing here? Why are you here!?" Kasumi said as the explosions died down, leaving the hallway filled to the brim with black smoke. She shifted from her hiding spot, crouching low as she turned the corner. Her vision adjusting quickly to the blackness as she followed the accented English of her opponent "Why did Donovan want those men dead"

"Oh, now that's a good question." The English woman said as she took a step back away from the smoke, fully intending to use the lull in their fight as a means of escape. "But you know Donovan, he tends to keep the reasons behind his little jobs on a need to know basis."

Christie chucked another one of the balls into the smoke, knowing full well what Kasumi was planning on doing. The ball exploded, and to Christie's immense disappointment, she didn't hear the tell-tale shriek of pain as Kasumi was struck down by her action.

"I don't need to know the why, too much red tape if you ask me," Christie said as she threw another ball into the smoke, this time with far more force than the first one. "All I need to know is how much am I'm being paid for my services."

It had taken her far too long to make her escape. She should have been halfway across the border before the hotel staff had found any of the corpses she had made. But Kasumi and that Brue Lee fanboy had to ruin her well-choreographed plan by getting showing up to the party uninvited.

Which sure, made it a rather simple job to eliminate whatever extra security her targets had left around the massive hotel complex. Killing two birds with a single bullet was something even Christie could appreciate, but the longer she stayed, the more gunshots and more explosions would arise around her, which meant her escape would become that much harder.

Of course, snuffing the ninja girl out after so many years of getting in Christie way was something she was rather looking forward to, she couldn't help but feel she was spending far too much time and effort into that particular avenue. Especially when she could hear the ensuing sounds of sirens coming from all directions.

"Come out come out wherever you are, you can't hide forever princess"

"Who's hiding?" a voice came from behind her, causing the taller woman to turn sharply around, just in time to receive a flying crescent kick to her head by her former prey.

That sneaky little.." Christie thought to herself, cursing internally after being so easily tricked.

The ninja brat, using the smoke to cover her movements, had managed to sneak behind her by climbing up the walls and ceiling. Effectively flanking her while keeping herself out of the grenades range, all under the smokescreen that Christie herself provided for her.

That's what I get for treating a trained killer like a child.

Christie regained her footing as she watched Kasumi regained her fighting stance, almost daring Christie to make the next move. The taste of her own blood filled her mouth as she glared at the shorter woman in front of her.

"The cheeky little tart," The Britton thought, her hand instantly reaching down to her pocket.

If that's what she wanted, then that's what she'll get, she thought to herself as she fingered the detonator in her pocket with her free hand. She was hoping she wouldn't have to use her backup plan, It would be a shame to cause so much colleterial damage over what should have been a simple job. But as the saying goes, no battle plan survives the battlefield.

She just wished her favorite ninja princess realized after this was all over that whatever happened after this point would be all on her head, and she would have no one to blame but herself.


By the way, RyuGin is a real restaurant in Hong Kong, not sure of the legality of using a real-world business in fanfiction, but screw it. If I haven't gotten sued for writing this yet I'm more than likely in the clear from future legal action.

But if I'm not, and fanfiction does weirdly infringe on copyright law, rest assured I'm rolling on all of you reading this the second the feds offer me a deal. I have names, I have pictures, I have video recordings of everything that dude mike said about the movie Clue with Tim Curry and Christopher Lloyd being overrated.

I'll use photoshop to fake documents, I'll bribe witnesses, I'll do whatever it takes.

BECAUSE I WILL NOT GO BACK TO JAIL BECAUSE MIKE HAS SHIT TASTE IN MOVIES

But if that doesn't happen, Thank you for reading, hope you favorite, review, and follow.